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  1. #1291
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    4,749

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    Bloom, I can imagine how frustrated you are with your father. I would be too. Is this just his typical reaction to change, or do you think he's struggling with your mother's prognosis? Either way, I hope he can get things rolling to make space for the bed.
    As for gifts, I love the ideas out here so far. I was going to mention about the books to give them all as well and let her choose. And also maybe be prepared to read aloud to her if she becomes tired. Obviously a flame is a bad idea, but would she like a flame less candle? I think anything that might perk up the space is nice.
    Oh, and if she's someone you would expect will receive a lot of flowers from friends and family, hit up the dollar store or a thrift store for cheap vases!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Married 7.3.04 Henry 10.29.08 Charlie 11.19.11

  2. #1292
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    3,314

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    I'm so sorry for the added frustration with your dad Bloom. He does need to step up but his resistance may be part of his grieving process so the PC team can help him motivate to make forward progress in getting her d/c'ed as well.

    A friend of mine passed away from a very rare liver cancer a couple of years ago. She kept a bottle of Lavender lotion at her bedside to use at night and would infuse the scent in her room as well. The scent used to soothe her to sleep. We often recommend lavender to cancer patients so that may be another idea for your mom.
    Married 10/16/04
    "If our thoughts are worth a penny, what are our dreams worth?"

  3. #1293
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    2,819

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    Bloom, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
    Betsy and Dave, married 10/18/03
    Amelia Claire 3/4/07
    Nathan Edward 3/10/10

  4. #1294
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    6,407

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    Bloom - I'm sure every state is different but that last month when my dad was on hospice he had massage therapy, dog visits, music therapy (a woman came and played the flute for him), chaplain visits, a special bed, a wheelchair and a walker provided. We had things in his room including photo calendars (sadly the last one was only used 1 month), large poster photos of us and other familiar soothing items (stuffed cat, pillow from home, etc). At the end when I was there for his passing we played favorite music constantly, massaged his hands and feet with lotion, talked around him, etc.

    Of course your mom doesn't have dementia, so perhaps these don't apply. I'd also suggest fresh flower bouquets, infused oils if she's not sensitive and a variety of pillows for comfort.

    Also, this is hard but if you can take lots of photos, record conversations (perhaps ask strategic questions) and even take videos. Think about any last things that you'd like to ask her or tell her and have those conversations while you still can.

    Once again I am so sorry, be easy on yourself. There is no way to prepare for this. Thinking of you.
    babygirl 10-29-07
    baby sister 7-17-11

  5. #1295
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Somewhere in the swamps of Jersey
    Posts
    1,875

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    Just wanted to say I'm sending good thoughts to all of you with loved ones in hospice care or gravely ill. It's all so tough, but wonderful to see the supportive, helpful suggestions here. I second the photo album idea; when FIL was in hospice with severe, end stage dementia, grandkid pic books were really the only thing he seemed to recognize.

    My suggestion is one of those digital photo frames. My Mom is not in hospice but is completely bedridden, and she literally lives for that frame. It's loaded with pics of her and my Dad at all stages of their very long lives, as well as all her kids, grandkids and most importantly, her beloved great-grandchildren.
    "And as cliche as it may sound, I'd like to raise another round;
    If your bottle's empty, help yourself to mine
    Thank you for your time...Here's to life!"
    - Mekong

  6. #1296
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    2,816

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    Having photos around is a good idea. My Aunt is still able to be at home(in fact it's hard to believe that she could be gone soon, as she doesn't look ill) and she has family pictures all over her living room. While I was there I found some pictures of her when she was a baby/little girl. I also found pictures of my grandparents. She loved telling me about the pictures.

  7. #1297
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Somewhere in the swamps of Jersey
    Posts
    1,875

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    Lady, as my mother has aged (she's 93!) she seems to be more and more interested in surrounding herself with pics of herself and her family of origin in younger days. She seems to get comfort out of seeing herself as a beautiful young girl, and seeing her parents and siblings, all of whom are long gone. I think part of the aging process is going back to your roots and trying to hang on to what makes you "you", kwim?
    "And as cliche as it may sound, I'd like to raise another round;
    If your bottle's empty, help yourself to mine
    Thank you for your time...Here's to life!"
    - Mekong

  8. #1298
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    2,816

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    I agree, Sin! My grandmother's long term memory was awesome and she would tell the most amazing stories of when she was growing up. Now I listen to my Aunt tell her stories.

  9. #1299
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Metrowest Boston
    Posts
    8,601

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    My family was never big on having family photos out, especially my mom - she didn't really seem to care. But when she moved last fall, the pictures she wanted out were her as a younger person, her parents, and my dad....and a picture or 2 of my kids. None of me and my brother. Makes us feel loved

    I have such a photographic memory but a poor auditory memory - I so wish I had taped my father telling stories. I wish I had been a fly on the wall during his last lucid day when my uncle was with him.
    J&D - May 2005 *** E - 8/7/06 *** J - 3/17/09

  10. #1300
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Somewhere in the swamps of Jersey
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    Jessey , I think it's some sort of primal, biological urge that happens as we age, and begin to fail. My Mom, too, never cared in the slightest about seeing pictures of herself, until the last couple of years. Now she's kind of obsessed with them. It's almost like the person is saying - "see; I existed. I was young, and strong and lovely, despite what I look and feel like now. I counted!"

    LadyI love hearing the stories of my Mom growing up. My grandparents were your typical immigrant Italians with paisanos and cousins everywhere, and I'm still not sure how we are all connected!
    "And as cliche as it may sound, I'd like to raise another round;
    If your bottle's empty, help yourself to mine
    Thank you for your time...Here's to life!"
    - Mekong

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