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  1. #391
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    (north of) Boston
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    6,999

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    You're doing such a great job advocating for your dad, semily. I've been thinking of you so much. As someone above said, this is a brutal process. Palliative care was invaluable for us. My dad and brother had a very hard time coming to terms with what decisions had to be made, and my sisters and I were pretty clear on what my mom's wishes were (one of my sisters was her health proxy because she is an OB and because my mom knew my dad wouldn't be able to handle making the decision). Having the family meeting and having the palliative care team explain everything in detail was so helpful for them to understand the prognosis. We were able to make better-informed decisions as a family after that. Although my sister was the proxy, she wanted the decision to be made as a family - though we got perilously close to having her making the decision on her own, as things went far downhill. We are glad we were able to make the decisions all together, though. My best wishes to you and your brother as you work through this and your dad as he battles all he's battling.

    ETA: I also agree that you should take all the time you need to make a decision you feel comfortable with and won't regret. We had tried so much and so many things that we felt like we'd done everything we could (within reason) before making the decision we did - based on the QOL we knew our mother would want, as VASLP said.
    Last edited by twinnyme; 01-07-2016 at 01:30 PM.
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  2. #392
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    2,668

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    Semily, I just wanted to add my sympathy. What struck me is that they didn't prep you that he wouldn't come out of surgery able to communicate. I cannot imagine your shock. I'm so so sorry.

  3. #393
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    2,816

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    Semily, I just wanted to add my prayers and hugs to everyone else's. You and your brother are doing a fantastic job, advocating for your Dad. I hope that the meeting this afternoon goes well.

  4. #394
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    2,713

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    What made the shock worse was when we saw him in recovery he was looking pretty good, talking with the nurses and moving all his limbs. The nurse actually said he was completely stable. But then the ICU nurse came to get us two hours later and described facial drooping, aphasia, apraxia, etc. He must have had the stroke in between.

    I am so ready to have this meeting. My husband is coming too, thank goodness. He is able to think of questions my brother and I can't.

  5. #395
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    20,270

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    That's great your husband is able to join you for the meeting! I hope you are able to come up with a plan that everyone feels is the best way forward for your dad. Thinking of you guys.
    isabella noelle :: 12.7.09

  6. #396
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,361

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    I'm glad for you, too, that your husband can go. Thinking of you.

  7. #397
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    3,719

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    Oh, semily, my heart is breaking for you. I'll keep you guys in my prayers that the meeting goes well tomorrow, that you get the information you need and are able to make the best decisions possible moving forward, whichever direction that may be.
    Twins! Benjamin and William arrived 3.17.10

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  8. #398
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,524

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    Sending prayers your way too Semily. So sorry for this tough, tough journey you are all going through.

  9. #399
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    7,157

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    Semily, my heart is sad for your family. I am so happy that you have a support network here who can provide insight into the hospital process. I hope against hope the conversation/meeting today brings you all to a point of peace.

  10. #400
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    4,945

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    Semily, I'm so sorry. I've been where you are and know how awful it is. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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