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  1. #1301
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    7,149

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    Well. I'm here. DH and the girls are at the hotel. The idea was I would come here with my dad, get her home and have them meet us there. Right now she's napping and I'm grabbing a salad. We don't know if her oxygen levels are at a point that she can be transported or adequately provided for by th at home tanks.

    A couple of random thoughts.

    My dad moved the furniture out of the spare room but she wants to be in the front room. I get it. I wish he could've communicated with her to find that out last night. He is home now again moving furniture.

    The palliative dr came in and we had the talk that she has a few weeks to a few months. Talked about cancer. That she will not be returned to the hospital if she has issues. She is having a hard time connecting the dots that she came in for breathing issues but is being moved to hospice. I understand that for sure.

    After the dr left, my dad looked at me and asked "so you don't think that if they go in there and do a biopsy, they can get it all out?" 😳 He just doesn't get it. At some point I will need to just say it outright.

    I love all the ideas you've given me. I will keep them in mind. I agree with lady's comment that it's hard to believe she is in the final days/weeks. She has been rude to and combative with every person that has walked in the room. Thank you to all of you in here in the medical profession as I'm sure my mom is not the only difficult patient you all deal with daily. Thank you for your patience and care.

  2. #1302
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    6,317

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    We in the medical professions understand that rudeness and combativeness are most often born out of fear, helplessness, and lack of control over one's situation. So we get it and never take it personally, I promise. You are so sweet for the shout out, but really, try not to worry about it. She's scared. It's okay to be cranky!

    Hugs, Bloom. This is so, so hard.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    J + A

  3. #1303
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    5,148

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    Hugs Bloom. You have been in my thoughts.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    A&K 05.18.02
    Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

  4. #1304
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    20,270

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    I'm sorry bloom that your parents don't seem to be getting it. Hopefully your mom can get home today and start to get settled.
    isabella noelle :: 12.7.09

  5. #1305
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    4,749

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    Thinking of you Bloom.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Married 7.3.04 Henry 10.29.08 Charlie 11.19.11

  6. #1306
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Upstate, NY
    Posts
    16,413

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    I'm sorry bloom. Yes, You need to try to have that conversation with your dad " They are not doing the biopsy because mom is not in good enough health be put under anesthesia and they don't feel they can successfully remove it all/cure her with the biopsy". My FIL had COPD, he had a tumor on his pancreas, his heart Dr said no to surgery, they scheduled it anyways because the general surgeon told them it would be fine & so he consented to apease my MIL. He was in the hospital on a ventilator for 2 months as a result, came home & passed away a week later- it was heart breaking. Take the time you have now to talk or not, but she, I'm sure, would not want to go through that. Hugs to you!

  7. #1307
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    2,661

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    Nothing to add other than I'm sorry sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you're down there with your family and I hope it goes as well as it can. Hugs.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  8. #1308
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    6,491

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    Bloom: Again, I'm sorry. My heart hurts for you. That you have to be in a position to be the one to spell it out for your parents. I like the script that mcgwigan suggested. It's gentle but still to the point.
    As for your mom's disposition, my FIL was much the same way ... he was like that his whole life. VERY, VERY blunt and never concerned with anyone's feelings and had zero filter. But in some weird way he also had a charm about him that drew people to him anyway. He had in-home hospice but wasn't happy about it AT ALL. When the hospice workers came to the house, he would not speak to them but to say, "get out of my house I don't want you here." But the woman we had was so super sweet and cared for him the best he would allow. But she was also helpful to my MIL and to my DH and my grandfather-in-law.
    How are your girls coping?
    Loving my DDs and DS

  9. #1309
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,537

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    I've been thinking of all of you who are going through difficult times now. I'm so sorry.

    Bloom- I'm glad you were able to make it down but I'm sorry it's such a hard situation. I hope hospice is as great to you and your family as it has been for so many others. They were able to help my mom navigate the last days of my grandmother's life and guided her in the days afterward. You may ask them for recommendations for a grief counselor. It's a lot of complex (to say the least) emotions and someone to help you process it may be beneficial.
    C 3/21/07
    It's a girl! D 8/3/11

  10. #1310
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    8,361

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    This is tough stuff. My thoughts are with you, Bloomwood, and everyone else. May we all have the wisdom and patience we need to get through these times as best as we possibly can...

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