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  1. #121
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Mid-Atlantic state
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    2,958

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    My HS BFF's mom died a couple of weeks ago and I would have wanted to go but I now live a 6 hr drive away and the services were planned quickly AND were on a weekday. I spent a lot of time with her family 25 yrs ago. I sent a card and a donation to the hospice, as the obituary requested.

  2. #122
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    2,815

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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonfly_71 View Post
    I guess it depends on the person. I lost my mom and I didn't want anyone there. I didn't even tell anyone until after. I just wasn't in the mindset where I would have wanted to "deal" with anyone. I did appreciate all the cards and messages though.
    My BFF did this when both of her parents passed away. When her Mom passed my friend's DH called to tell me.

    When her Dad passed my Mom told me because she had seen his obituary in the paper.

  3. #123
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,456

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    If possible I'd go. Today I drove 2 hours each way to the funeral of a friend's mom. We have been friends since college and I haven't seen her in 2.5 years as she lives 4 hours away from me. She was really touched that I wad there. I think I was her only friend from outside work and family who was there. If you can reasonably drive there then I'd go. She was touched that I'd made the effort.

  4. #124
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    20,270

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    If it was driving distance I would go for sure. I didn't get the impression this was. For me all of my BFFs are a 4+ hour flight away. If I can make it, I still would, but it's obviously much more complicated to get on a plane with 2-3 days notice.
    isabella noelle :: 12.7.09

  5. #125
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    7,149

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    I talked to DH and he is completely supportive of me going if it works BUT making it work is going to be really difficult and I don't even know when anything is happening yet. We are in NYC W-F and then at the lake house with friends that we invited up 2 months ago Sat-Tuesday and then out of state W/Th/F of Thanksgiving week. If there's anyway at all that the services are NEXT NEXT week, then I could fly there from our Thanksgiving travel instead of coming home. I'm going to wait and see when the service are. She made a comment to me on Friday about the logistics involved in getting her own kids covered while being there for her mom's hospital stay (her mom was ~4 hours away and she had to go there and back) so I know she will understand. That said, if I can't go for the services, I will make it a priority to go see her in January.

    Stevie I think you asked about still being close or not. We are and we aren't. This situation is a perfect example of our friendship. It has been a while since we talked, like 6 months or so, but she texted me on my bday and I called her on hers 2 days later (but left a message). But I know I was one of the first people she called when her mom was admitted. We are "down to the core" friends even if we don't know what is going on day-to-day. I know so many stories about her family and the ups and downs they've caused in her adult life (and high school!). I know so much and I hate that I'm not there now and that it might be the case that I can't be there for the services. But, I am committed to doing what I can from here and going when I can - if it isn't immediate.

  6. #126
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    7,149

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bloomwood View Post
    I talked to DH and he is completely supportive of me going if it works BUT making it work is going to be really difficult and I don't even know when anything is happening yet. We are in NYC W-F and then at the lake house with friends that we invited up 2 months ago Sat-Tuesday and then out of state W/Th/F of Thanksgiving week. If there's anyway at all that the services are NEXT NEXT week, then I could fly there from our Thanksgiving travel instead of coming home. I'm going to wait and see when the service are. She made a comment to me on Friday about the logistics involved in getting her own kids covered while being there for her mom's hospital stay (her mom was ~4 hours away and she had to go there and back) so I know she will understand. That said, if I can't go for the services, I will make it a priority to go see her in January.

    Stevie I think you asked about still being close or not. We are and we aren't. This situation is a perfect example of our friendship. It has been a while since we talked, like 6 months or so, but she texted me on my bday and I called her on hers 2 days later (but left a message). But I know I was one of the first people she called when her mom was admitted. We are "down to the core" friends even if we don't know what is going on day-to-day. I know so many stories about her family and the ups and downs they've caused in her adult life (and high school!). I know so much and I hate that I'm not there now and that it might be the case that I can't be there for the services. But, I am committed to doing what I can from here and going when I can - if it isn't immediate.
    ETA - NOT driving distance. I would've been there today if it was!

  7. #127
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    2,456

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    I didn't realize it was so far. I thought maybe a bordering state. Given all of what is required to get there and the variables, I don't think I'd try to go.

  8. #128
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    Jul 2005
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    I just spoke with my friend. They haven't made any service arrangements and she isn't sure what they are going to do. She is leaving it in her dad's hands to decide. So, it sounds like there may still be a chance for me to go but I could also just find time to go visit her separately which might be more appreciated. Thank you for all of your advice!

  9. #129
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    My dad is between his 3rd and 4th rounds of chemo. He's trying to be resilient, but is having a tough time. He gets weekly bloodwork done to check his platelets and hemoglobin levels and he's really negatively effected when the numbers are low. In mid-November he had a stretch of decent numbers, but last week he was low and needed a transfusion, and today he was low and has to go back for another two units. He was supposed to start his 4th round of chemo next week but they're talking about delaying it one week because of the low numbers. They've been carefully working his schedule around his Christmas travel plans - he is scheduled to come here for 10 days starting Dec 21. He is hell-bent on being here and I know he's so worried the plans are going to be messed up. I know he's also worried he could need a transfusion while he's here.

    I just have a terrible feeling about all of it today and can't focus on anything else. The plan is for him to have another bone marrow biopsy after round 4 to see how things have changed, and then decide on the timing for the bone marrow/stem cell transplant. It just feels like that could be really, really soon and he isn't ready. At all. Emotionally, logistically - just not ready. I'm going there next Friday-Tues. He says he's REALLY looking forward to my visit, but he's also really stressed out and embarrassed because the house is a mess. The plan is for me to just clean out my mom's stuff from their room (I'm sure I've mentioned this, but she died 6.5 years ago and my dad hasn't touched a thing, not even her nightstand) which needs to be fixed up extensively before the transplant recovery. I really need like 3 weeks there, not just a weekend. It is a serious problem, and my dad is in denial about it.

    Or, what if the transplant doctor says he's too sick and isn't a candidate after all? Then he only has 12-18 months. ****. He has an appointment with that doc this week.

    ****, **** ****. I have deadlines at work, a business trip this Wed-Fri, and two kids fully in the swing of the Christmas season. And a stupid Disney World trip booked for the end of March. It all feels insurmountable. And I feel SO GUILTY that my day-to-day life is taking priority. I need to be there, taking care of him. And I can't.

  10. #130
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    3,719

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    Oh, Semily. That's a lot. It sounds so, so tough. You are a great daughter. I'm sorry you are going through this, and it's such a hard time of year. Hugs.
    Twins! Benjamin and William arrived 3.17.10

    Food Blog: Savory Secrets

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