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  1. #51
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    755

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    So..I just thought I would check in to see how everyone is doing? PINETREE, since you started this thread about the "parenting without struggles" book...how is it going for you? Are things improving? Would you still recommend the book? How is everyone else doing? Successes/failures?

    Jus thought I would drop off the name of the book that I read....YOUR defiant child (By Russell Barkeley). Anyways...I have to say I really like the book and the approaches it provides. We have been doing OK over here, but last night we had another blow-up but we talked about it (in depth) afterwards and I realized again some of the things I have been doing wrong. But better yet....I realized some things that are going on in my DD's head as well...

    Anyways...gotta go now..but thought I would check in with everyone

    Edited on 12/29/14 to update the Book title. There is another book out there called "defiant child" that is NOT good at all!! Wanted to clarify that the book I am reading is called "Your Defiant Child"....
    Last edited by PLNUBRIDE; 12-29-2014 at 05:01 PM.

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Whoville
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    7,985

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    This book has literally been life changing for us. In the beginning it felt sort of unnatural and forced, but now it's a breeze to use the strategies and DD has had much fewer episodes, I think because she knows that we will validate how she feels. Most importantly to me, I feel like we've had a breakthrough too where she's much more comfortable talking to me about her her feelings. Her tendency is to keep things inside, and then for me to focus on "solutions" when she does finally share. The other morning she and DH were getting ready to leave for school, and she came back and burst into tears and we talked about an issue she's having with her friend. I just held her and she cried and I said "I know it hurts". And you know what, she pulled herself together and was much better.

  3. #53
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    755

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    PINETREE...I am so glad to hear that! It must feel pretty good to see an actual change in your household Yeah, the hardest part about reading these books is implementing some of the techniques, because it feels so "weird" sometimes. However, the more I am doing what it says the more I actually see that it is working.

    I am learning to:
    1) Sympathize more when she is getting frustrated about something. It is really, really weird, but even a simple "I understand" really does seem to go a long way with her.

    2) Giving my DD the techniques and opportunity to alleviate her frustration before it spirals out of control (taking a deep breathe, count to 3..etc)

    3) Me making a conscious effort to to stay calm (and not yell) in order to help DD stay calm. I realize that I completely and totally escalate the situation when I fly off the handle.

    4) learning to not fight for control 100% of the time. Coming up with ways in which we both get what we want (but in the end my request is getting accomplished).

    5) Taking the time to spend time with her and bond. It sounds crazy...but since I have been off since Christmas Eve...we have had a lot of together time and I have been able to focus on her 100% because I am not working or focusing on other things I should be doing). I have even slept in her room a few nights (which is just not something I have ever really done. She has slept in my bed maybe 10 times since she was born)

    I have found that her attitude and tone with me is definitely been better since Christmas Eve. When I ask her do do simple things I am not getting the resistance/battle that I usually get. Whereas EVERY.SINGLE.SIMPLE thing I was asking of her was causing instant battles/attitude/resistance.

    I am worried that this change is related to the fact that we are on Christmas Break and the minute we get back into the routine of school, homework, work...etc it will be a nightmare again. I guess I can just hope, we are laying a good foundation for the moment that will help us when the "going gets tough" so to speak

  4. #54
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    Whoville
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    Bumping this up based on the irritation discussion. I love this book, it's been two years and I still use it.

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Whoville
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    Bumping because I am obsessed with this book.

  6. #56
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    5,148

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    I am reading this now.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    A&K 05.18.02
    Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

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