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  1. #21
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    Mar 2006
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    Bloomwood, in full disclosure, we are treating the ADHD and anxiety here with medicine now. I can't believe how different our home life is now. So many years of beating our heads against the wall. (ETA We just wanted him to have a chance to feel some success. I am so glad we did it, but I am not for or against it for anyone else. Just explaining why maybe it's easy for me to speak from a less tired/frustrated place now. )

  2. #22
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    Dragonfly, DH and I have said for years that if DS1 was an only child, most of the issues would be nonexistent. School focus would still be an issue, but the other stuff we could deal with much differently. Being one-on-one with him is great and is important for us to always carve out.

    ETA: I laughed at your story though. Last night I was reading a great book about siblings to DS1, and he said it was annoying the way each subsection ended with the same exact few lines. So I just said, you're right, I'm bored with that too. But the last LAST line changes, so let's just read that one. And then when we would get to the repetitive part in the rest of the sections, I'd skip over it using like the Charlie Brown teacher "Waa waa" voice and we laughed and laughed. But then still read the final sentence which was different each time.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonfly_71 View Post
    DS is so very different from most other children. It's awesome most of the time but sometimes it's exhausting. If I would use any of these examples given, on him, he would make this "church lady" face and ask me if I read that in Parenting Magazine. That is a way though for me to diffuse a situation. He calls it "parent speak" and is usually on to us. But it also makes him laugh. I think we don't experience too many negative sides because he is an only child. We mostly get along as a family and enjoy each other's company. But if you were to throw a sibling in the mix, I think all heck would break loose.
    Dragonfly, mine are only 4, so we will see how well the parenting advice works in the future. For now at least I am able to get some insight into their behavior. I am slightly nervous because the other day one of my ds's turned around and used one of the tactics on me! It was actually kind of funny.
    Twins! Benjamin and William arrived 3.17.10

    Food Blog: Savory Secrets

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taurus View Post

    This article is very interesting. Note the "challenging" category.
    Ha! The "challenging" category does kind of hit home.
    Twins! Benjamin and William arrived 3.17.10

    Food Blog: Savory Secrets

  5. #25
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    Default Parenting without Power Struggles - the book

    Quote Originally Posted by Gia View Post
    Dragonfly, mine are only 4, so we will see how well the parenting advice works in the future. For now at least I am able to get some insight into their behavior. I am slightly nervous because the other day one of my ds's turned around and used one of the tactics on me! It was actually kind of funny.
    You know quite a few times when I've seen pictures of your boys or when you're talking about them I've been thinking oh my goodness, they are just like mine. Only she has TWO of them!

  6. #26
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    I just thought it was interesting. I in no way meant to derail the thread from discussion of the book or suggest that all power struggles stem from having gifted kids but I was just challenging the ideas that gifted kids are merely the super academic achieving ones or the ones that get things and are waiting for everyone else to see what they already figured out.

    eta: x posted with dragonfly. I was commenting after Gia.
    Last edited by Taurus; 09-25-2014 at 04:56 PM.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taurus View Post
    I just thought it was interesting. I in no way meant to derail the thread from discussion of the book or suggest that all power struggles stem from having gifted kids but I was just challenging the ideas that gifted kids are merely the super academic achieving ones or the ones that get things and are waiting for everyone else to see what they already figured out.
    It is interesting to think about. I never really considered that mine could be gifted, because they are not the 4 yr olds who are reading or adding double digits, etc., which is what I think of when I hear "gifted". I can tell you they think and approach things in a different way than I ever would, and their behavior makes it difficult to assess what they really know. They are *very* active and impulsive and know what you are doing if you are just trying to "test" them. For example: If you try to point to letters or numbers and quiz them, they get silly and act like they know nothing. But if I am cooking with them, they can read the measuring cup. And tonight they were making letters together on the floor, by using their bodies, lol. It was pretty hysterical! They made an "X" (one laying over the top of the other), a "V", and an "i" (one of them was curled up in a ball as the "dot"). I think they are very similar to my dh. He struggled all through early elementary school. He was always in trouble for talking and not staying in his seat, and needed extra help with reading. He ended up with a degree in Nuclear Physics, so he's obviously intelligent! The part in the article about different learning styles stuck out at me-- I wonder if my dh and boys are visual spatial learners. I just looked up a little about it online and I think it fits them to a "T"!

    ETA: I'm sorry, I am totally derailing this thread more. I am cracking up though, because I am searching on more info on Visual Spatial learners and it is definitely my dh. It is explaining so much to me! Example: He always annoys me because I will want to look up the weather and he pulls up a weather map. I say "That tells me nothing! Just give me the blurb that says if it's going to rain and what the high temp is supposed to be!" My boys are already obsessed with maps. I think it is going to be the three of them against me.

    Mine are actually not introverted. I am, but I am one of those who has learned to operate as more of an extrovert, even though it exhausts me. My boys are much more extroverted and never stop making noise. I find it so draining!

    Dragonfly- Your ds seems like a really cool kid. If mine turn out to be like him I will be thrilled!

    Back on topic! I can't wait to read the book. I am always looking for more help in how to handle my boys!
    Last edited by Gia; 09-25-2014 at 07:13 PM.
    Twins! Benjamin and William arrived 3.17.10

    Food Blog: Savory Secrets

  8. #28
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    Aug 2005
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    After last night I now love this book more than ever. I don't know if it would work for every child, but it definitely works for DD.

    Last night after her swimming lesson I jumped in the pool and we swam together for about an hour, which meant it was getting late by the time we got out. DD has incredible head sensitivities and when we were getting dressed she started getting upset because her hair was wet. I offered her a hat, she said no, I offered her a scarf, she said no, I offered her a hair elastic and she tried it but was too frustrated at this point so it didn't work. Normally, I keep offering solutions and get frustrated and she gets more frustrated and then we're just frustrated with each other.

    But I stepped back and thought about the book and the author talks about Act 1, where you just acknowledge the frustration, and once it settles down you move to Act 2 which is supporting with solutions. I'm usually all about Act 2 which never works. So I took a deep breath and said something really brilliant like "wet hair is so drippy." And she agreed with me. And I said "it's one of the downsides of us having long hair" and she agreed with me, and I said a few more similar things and she visibly started to calm down. So then I said "Should we walk around the change room together and look to see if there's a hand dryer that would work?" And she smiled and said yes. So we walked hand in hand around the change room for 20 seconds and didn't find one. But by this point she was much calmer. And she pointed to the plugs near the mirrors and said that people must bring their own hair dryers, and I asked her if she wanted to do that next time and she said yes. And that was it! Her hair was still wet, but she was over it. Instead of a 10 minute argument, the whole thing was over in about 2 minutes. And I wasn't left feeling grumpy.

    I sound like an infomercial don't I

  9. #29
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    I love that Pine Tree! It is very encouraging to read this

    I totally understand the need and importance for us to validate their feelings. As I mentioned previously, I struggle with this big time. Sometimes, I think I play a bigger part of the problem than my kids. I need to learn to step outside of myself (my own needs/desires) and give this a try as I can see it helping with my issues with DS1. We but heads so often and things spiral downward so quickly and it ruins the entire mood of the house. I bet if I just validated his feelings and frustrations, it would calm the entire situation down and result in a more peaceful household.

    Now the trick for me will be to remember to do this and me not getting in a tizzy when he starts his whining/complaining.
    S+B Est. 11.09.02
    DS1 06.28.06, DD 07.23.08
    DS2 03.07.12

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by steviem View Post
    I totally understand the need and importance for us to validate their feelings. As I mentioned previously, I struggle with this big time. Sometimes, I think I play a bigger part of the problem than my kids. I need to learn to step outside of myself (my own needs/desires) and give this a try as I can see it helping with my issues with DS1. We but heads so often and things spiral downward so quickly and it ruins the entire mood of the house. I bet if I just validated his feelings and frustrations, it would calm the entire situation down and result in a more peaceful household.
    This is me and DD. I am going to download the book onto my Kindle this weekend. I think this might finally be the help we need to have a calmer home.
    C & B - 5.13.06
    DD - 9.15.07
    My LJ

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