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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Oakland, CA
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    Default Best friend Drama--Am I too sensitive?

    Ok, I started this on the WC, but I would like to get some feed back here. We talked on the phone tonight like everything was normal, but I am still a bit irked...(sorry for spelling errors)

    Sorry, this is a little long and jumbled, but you gett he idea. Am i being overly sensitive by being offended? Should I just blow it off and act like no big deal? We have been "Best Friends" for 10 years.

    So, my best friends got married last week. I was her MOH. I wasn't able to do alot of things for her, because we are as broke as one can be right now. But, I did my best. I got up there, helped her get into her gown, took lots of pictures, etc, etc. The whole wedding was sort of ill planned (even though tghey have been engaged for 3 years and planningt he wedding for one year).

    So, at the mountain top ceremony, after her dad walked her down the aisle, the officiant asked her if there was someone she would like to have stand next to her, ie. MOH. Her DH had a BM. She announced that DH step mom would be her MOH! I had not heard anything about this. She had reffered to me as her MOH for the entire time. But, her DH step mom was there for her for a lot of the planning. They bought her dress together (I wasn't invited), got mani's and pedi's the day before (again, I was not invited), etc, etc... I would not have been upset, except that she NEVER told me she had decided to switch. I went to the wedding under the impression that I would be her MOH. I mean, we had talked about me being her MOH just a few days before the wedding. If I had known, it would be no big deal...

    Her DH's family had rented a big house up there in Tahoe where they all stayed. My best friend knew I didn't have the money to come up early and pay for my own lodging, as well as the fact that I have a 2 year old who would need to be watched while I was away. She never invited us to stay at this house they(her DH's family) had rented, although at the reception, her DH's grandma announced to everyone they had plenty of extra rooms if anyone wanted to stay the night after the wedding (I had to go to work the next day).

    Aaaanyway, she treated me and her family like crap at the ceremony and spent all her time with her DH's family (they have more money). She casually thanked her mom for the gift of a cappucino maker, but started crying when she recieved her IL's gift of cash, jumped up and hugged tham both. It was just all bad and I am still hurting from it...
    Ethan 2/5/03 Kelly 11/25/05 Maddox 6/18/08
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NJ
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    I would definately be upset. I mean, she lead you to believe that you were the MOH. It's not like you were a slacker because you didn't feel like doing stuff for the wedding. (and even then, they day of would be harsh!!) I feel that it was extremely hurtful for her to pull that on the day of the wedding without any warning. I would've been extremely mad. And, if I were her family I would be livid. I was happy that everyone came to my wedding. If they brought a gift it was just a bonus. To treat her in-laws better just because thet gave her cash??? Unbelievable!! Anyway, if you are overly sensitive, I guess I am too.

    PS Congrats on your pregnancy

    Nicole

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Default

    I would definitely be upset if I found I was demoted at the ceremony. I don't know how you can just pretend it didn't happen. I don't think I could do that.
    Religion is like good underwear. It supports you; it comforts you. It's worn on the inside, and it's bad manners to show it off.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Oakland, CA
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    Nicole and IrisHope--I definetly had a good cry afterwards. But, her SMIL was able to do alot of things for her that I couldn't. Not that she ever asked me to do anything other than come to her shower and stand next to her at the ceremony. Another thing that burned my butt is that no one took a picture of her and I together. i kinda felt like the photographer! Anyway, I am no good at holding grudges, and we have been close for a reeeeeeally long time. I'm just not so sure i would want her as my MOH, you know?
    Ethan 2/5/03 Kelly 11/25/05 Maddox 6/18/08
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Buggy country
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    3,273

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    I'd be hurt too.

    If I had gone with the impression that I was to be a MOH and then got got pushed out like that at the ceremony. Did you guys ever talk about your situation and trying to do the best you could? I hope that doesn't sound horrible, don't mean it bad, but if it came out wrong sorry.

    If she was treating everyone differently based on gifts, then shame on her. And was she opening them at the reception? Wow.....

    I'm sorry you had to go through this! Are you goign to try talking to her after the honeymoon?
    LJ
    Anastasia 8.10.07 * Surprise #2 June 2010

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Oakland, CA
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    Rosie--It was a really small reception--I was the only non-family member there, so it was very casual, and everyone wanted them to open the gifts. We hadn't really talked about anything, other than me showing up. but, she knows we both just started jobs and are pretty broke. I talked to her the other day, and we both acted like nothing was amiss....what can you do?
    Ethan 2/5/03 Kelly 11/25/05 Maddox 6/18/08
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Lawrence, Kansas
    Posts
    7,300

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    I'm so sorry she hurt you that way. I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think most of us would have been hurt by what you experienced.

    I hate to see you just pick up where you left off with this relationship as though nothing happened. Perhaps you could tell her some of what you told us here and why what she did was hurtful to you?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Georgia
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    I agree, your definintley not being too sensitive, I would feel the same way. Hopefully she is the kind of person you can talk to openly about this.. if not.. it doesnt sound like a very good relationship.. I hope everything works out for you in the end.
    Married: 09.24.04 ~ Genevieve Grace: 10.20.05 ~ TTC

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    She really isn't the kind of person I can talk to about this. Thats why I haven't talked to her about it. I know she will just get defensive and maybe even mad. I'm not "afraid" of making her mad, I just don't want to deal with it. I'm pretty sure I know why she did it. If she doesn't bring it up, I probably won't, either. That's just kinda how we are. Thanks, lawyerlee and Astara for stopping in!
    Ethan 2/5/03 Kelly 11/25/05 Maddox 6/18/08
    I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

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