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  1. #1051
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    Aug 2005
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    jaja - I clicked on this link accidentally, and I didn't do IVF, but I do have an only daughter. DH and I decided when DD was almost 2 that we were done. We had had many, many health crises with DD and it was a lot to handle, and we just felt done. She still wasn't sleeping through the night and it just seemed like too much. Soon after that, the health crises were over, but we never brought up the issue of having another again. Every once in awhile I think wistfully about what it would be like for DD to have a younger sibling, she would be such a good big sister. BUT, I love our life. I love all the wonderful things we can do with an only child, and the attention we can give her and just how much love there is for our family of three. And I don't want to go back and do the baby thing again - I want to focus on all the totally awesome big kid things that are coming our way.

    But I will always feel those occasional pangs of regret, but almost everyone I know has the occasional pangs of regret. You can see it in this thread, whether people have 1, 2 or 3 kids. I know a mom who has 5 kids and she is heartbroken that they can't have a 6th.

    There are no right or wrong answers.

  2. #1052
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    clearly NOT at the cool kids table
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    Thank you for all the thoughtful responses - especially Pine, because this isn't so much an IVF issue as a what is our family size? type of issue. I had a really long, thoughful response typed, which got eaten when I hit post! I have debated whether or not to post anything as I don't know what I'm accomplishing other than venting.

    But you have given me some things to consider - so thank you so much.

  3. #1053
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    jaja- I agree with what the others said about waiting another year or so to make your decision, if you can. We had a really rough first year with my boys, and they also did not both regularly STTN until close to 2 years old. I was pretty sure after that first year that we were done, but I would not have been ready to make a permanent decision at that point, if that makes sense. It's so hard when they are still not sleeping well, and it's been going on so long. In our case, as time has gone on, things have gotten easier, and the sleep situation has gotten way better. I am 100% certain at this point we are done, and I feel like I am in a better place emotionally to make that decision now. I agree with what pinetree said about occasionally having pangs of regret, and I think that is normal. But I also know that for our family, and our marriage, our family is complete! That number will be different for everyone.
    Twins! Benjamin and William arrived 3.17.10

    Food Blog: Savory Secrets

  4. #1054
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    So, the it ended up being a mute point, because, after reading the fine print, we owe the entire storage fee for 2015, even if we choose to end storage in January. If we had wanted to avoid 2015 fees, we would have had to make the decision to end storage in Dec 2014.

    So, we paid the $500, which bought us a few months to continue to consider thinsg - or stall and not make a decision - which is what we have been doing! We actually mapped it out and thought about a FET in Oct 15, with a baby born in May or June 16. I will be 49/50. The thought of this both excites me and terrifies me.

  5. #1055
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    6,282

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    Quote Originally Posted by jajacobsen View Post
    The thought of this both excites me and terrifies me.
    I know how you feel!

    Funny how things work out sometimes. Incidentally, our clinic will refund the storage fee if you do a transfer within a certain time (I think 3 months) of paying the fee.

  6. #1056
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    6,784

    Default IVF Thread - Summer 2010

    We didn't deal with infertility but we only have the one kid and he is 9 now so I feel like I can speak from a "in hindsight" perspective. I am 100% happy we didn't have more. I love our family dynamic and I know DS does too. He gets so much attention from either of us and both of us together and he just soaks it all up. And he isn't a spoiled brat like people will tell you only children will inevitably be. He is very mature and considerate, partially because he so freely gets all our attention and doesn't have to compete with siblings. There has never been a need for him to throw tantrums or create drama for the sake of getting attention and that has shaped him into an all around awesome kid.
    So, whatever you decide, your family can be perfect with any number of kids.
    ETA: there is a smidgen wistfulness when I see families with two little boys and I am secretly hoping my sister will have a second child soon so I can still have these two towheaded brothers in my life.
    Last edited by dragonfly_71; 01-30-2015 at 08:32 AM.

  7. #1057
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    6,491

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    Thought this was a pretty interesting article.
    Scientists hail 'amazing discovery' as it's revealed infertile mothers who use donor eggs DO pass their DNA to their children

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...-children.html
    Loving my DDs and DS

  8. #1058
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    As a older mom who used a donor egg, I DO find that evry inetresting. I wish the article had more detail. Off to google......

    Thank you!

  9. #1059
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    So, DH and I are now revisiting what to do with our frozen embryos – AGAIN. Although I will always want that second child, DH is 50 and done. He just is. That’s fair enough. And I can be 99% happy with my miracle baby that is DD. As hard as that is for me, it only makes me wince a little now. In the past year I sold or gave away all the baby gear and maternity clothes. And adding the nail in the coffin, DD’s DCP has stated that she is also “done” with babies and will only take children 1 year or older.

    Soooo – we’re done.

    What to do with our three high quality embryos? I had a long discussion with a rep from the IVF clinic today. Because these were donor eggs and because the donor has had at least one successful pregnancy of her own and DD was a successful IVF, they believe the embryos would have a very good chance if transferred and that they would be highly desirable to another infertile couple, if donated.

    I know people may think this is odd, but I feel so much better about that alternative than destroying the embryos or donating them to research. I know this means I am still emotionally invested but I just imagine a beautiful child so much like DD, bringing joy to someone, somewhere. I would NOT want to know the details of the couple, or the outcome of the transfer.

    The eggs and donor mother had been through all of the required FDA testing. DH would have to have some additional bloodwork done (at no cost to him) and respond to a genetic counseling questionnaire. And then of course DH and I will have to sign a contract relinquishing all rights. He and I will discuss this in greater detail tonight, and I hope he is on board, because this is the only option with which I feel any sort of comfort.

  10. #1060
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    Jul 2005
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    Ugh Jaja... I just received my annual storage bill as well. We are going to go ahead and pay for another year although I am becoming more at peace about being done. Although watching my DS with my brand new niece at Thanksgiving brought me to tears. He really wants another sibling and as a 6 year old he is so amazing with babies. He held her and sang to her and spoke so softly to her.

    However, I know that is not a reason to have another and I take comfort in knowing he will be a wonderful father some day.

    Toddlerhood with DD has really been rough and I just don't think I have it in me to do this again or enough patience to deal with 3.

    Interesting thoughts about donating the embryos. Due to one or possibly two genetic issues in our family I don't think our embryos would be approved to be donated but you have given me something to think about.


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