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  1. #11
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    Most of the weddings I've been to have very few, if any gifts. I almost always give cash as a wedding gift, but if someone rudely implied they wanted cash I'd purposely give a gift instead.

    The purpose of a reception, IMO, is to celebrate the couple, not to act as a fund raiser. I hate, hate, HATE when I hear people make a comment like, "we made $xxx at our wedding!" implying that was the reason for the event.
    Chloe 8/2010 Oliver 7/2012
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  2. #12
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    It's an outdoor, in the backyard of his parents. No tent, they have a deck, but it doesn't have a porch. If it rains, the house will be too small to hold everyone. The food is being done by a friend of his moms.

    I've never seen her drink, but he drinks beer.
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  3. #13
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    Grenouille - I actually had not seen this custom until I got married. I'm from IL and in my circle, wedding gifts are mostly cash with very few (if any) gifts brought to the wedding.

    DH's family (and some other WI weddings we've been to) have had a ton of gifts brought. In fact, when we bring cash people look at us like we're nuts.
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  4. #14
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    Jun 2005
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    I think there is nothing tackier than asking for money at a wedding. I had a friend who put that IN the invitation. I was sure to send a gift because I thought it was so rude.

    I agree that a bottle of wine and some glasses, or a cookbook and apron would be just fine.
    The best things in life aren't things.

  5. #15
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    Aug 2005
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    It may be tacky but at least they are honest. If it is clear that money is a serious issue for them (and it sounds like it from the wedding) and they are not just being cheap, why not give them $20. It is all you can afford right now with DH being out of work. If they have a problem with the amount they will also have a problem with any gift you give them.

    And around us, it is a mixed bag with regard to gifts. Some weddings have been mostly cash and others mixed cash and gifts. I think it depends on the family. I am in the DC/Baltimore area.

  6. #16
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    I think there is nothing tackier than asking for money at a wedding. I had a friend who put that IN the invitation. I was sure to send a gift because I thought it was so rude.
    In this case the groom was asked, and he said they would prefer cash - it's not like they put the request on the invites (which would be tacky). I think anyone who is invited to a wedding should give what they are comfortable giving, but if you are giving a gift to get back at the couple, or to make a statement, then ask yourself if you really need to be at the wedding at all.

  7. #17
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    So true hub

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by hub1176 View Post
    In this case the groom was asked, and he said they would prefer cash - it's not like they put the request on the invites (which would be tacky). I think anyone who is invited to a wedding should give what they are comfortable giving, but if you are giving a gift to get back at the couple, or to make a statement, then ask yourself if you really need to be at the wedding at all.
    I didn't ask what he wanted, I asked if he'd created a registry or was planning on it. He said no, because they wanted cash. That if us women wanted to go shopping, we should, add up the amount and then put the items back and just give cash instead.

    They might be tight on cash, but the GF doesn't work at all (her choice and his I guess) and he spends a lot of money going to the bar. To me, I need the $20 more than he needs a night out. I can complete a gift for under $5.

    The more I think about it the more it gets me how rude he was with saying he only wanted cash.

    As for whether or not we need to be at the wedding, it's a close family. It's my ILs and they're a bit out there at times, but we still love them. To not attend the wedding would create a rift that would be very great. Now, I was just remembering what the groom gave to the last cousin that got married two years ago - he took pictures and gave her an album of the wedding/reception. She had a photographer....but he was poor and fancies himself a good photographer (I've never seen but one picture so I can't judge based on the one that was from when he first started, that's why I say fancy). So, surely, he, more than most, should understand that sometimes you can't give a cash gift, you instead have to give something more from the heart because it's all you can afford.
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  9. #19
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    It's one thing to say you prefer cash (although I have to say, who doesn't?) if you are asked what you want or need, but it's quite another to come out and say that when people ask where you are registered, or say you haven't registered in the hopes of getting cash, or to do this:
    That if us women wanted to go shopping, we should, add up the amount and then put the items back and just give cash instead.
    One of my favorite gifts from our wedding was not cash and was not from the registry. Two of my co-workers gave me 2 sets of matching pajamas, a gift card to Blockbuster and some microwave popcorn, with a cute card saying this was for the nights when we wanted to be like an old married couple and curl up and watch movies. It was so cute and nearly 8 years later I remember it, and them, so well. Now, it probably cost more than $20, but that's beside the point. It definitely sounds like something this guy unfortunately won't appreciate.

  10. #20
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    Jun 2005
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    The sheer nerve of the guy and the mom to make such a tacky statement would, if they weren't close family, would ensure that I would not attend the wedding. However, I get that it is family so there's no way you can get out of it.

    I sure as heck wouldn't comply with their request and give them cash. I honestly don't think this couple is going to appreciate anything you give them, though, so I wouldn't waste much time on coming up with something thoughtful. This couple is just plain not worth your valuable time and effort.

    Some of the more budget-friendly gifts we recieved at our wedding included empty picture frames (I'm sure couldn't have cost more than $5-10), a basic Betty Crocker cookbook (that we used so much we had to replace it!) with a nice note written inside about how a lot of quality time in their marriage has been spent cooking and eating family meals, a Christmas ornament to start our first tree together, a dvd of the movie Just Married, and one of those homemade fleece blankets where you take two pieces of fabric, cut slits on all sides and tie it together.

    I honestly thought the movie gift was just plain stupid by itself, but I like thedoorchick's idea and could be done rather cheaply if you bargain hunt. I also thought the blanket was a bad gift, but to be fair, we still use it from time to time. Now, had they made the blanket using our school colors where we met, or something more like that--something more thoughtful, then I would have thought it was a nice gift.

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