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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    246

    Default Family scattered everywhere- dont know what to do!

    This post is more or less to vent and to get opinions. I am so lost as to what to do for our wedding. Please help! What would you do if this was you?

    Heres the scoop:

    I am from US, FH is from UK. He has family and friends mostly in UK, also scattered across the states, in Israel and South Africa.
    I originally wanted a wedding in London or Brighton (where his house is)- who wouldnt!. I only wanted to invite my parents and my 2 sisters and their husbands. But they cannot afford to go. So that was scraped.

    Back to the states- There is basically ONE place in my hometown where we can have the wedding. Its a hotel, a nice one- casino too actually. There is a shuttle that goes to nearest airport (one and half hour away)- so I figured, guests can stay in hotel, take shuttle to/from airport, not have to drive to a ceremony and reception because itd be right there in the hotel. Ive been here several times for functions and the event rooms are beautiful/ great food and service.

    FH doesnt want to do this. He thinks it is faceless and "not him" to have a wedding in a hotel just because of the conviences it affords.. no charm involved. Yes there are more charming places in town with loads of character like he wants, but how would we get 40+ international guests to these locations??

    So we had scraped that idea too, setteled on Vegas. Inviting our closest family and friends out there. But then I started hearing from my family that might be too expensive too. Which I understand. Scratch that.

    Then we were just going to go off, the two of us, and have our wedding/honeymoon all in one in Hawaii. Sounds romantic and wonderful, but I still want a special day (not a huge wedding girl but it does mean something to me). But the biggest downside to this is I REALLY want my daughter involved- she will be 7 when we tie the knot- so it will likely be something she remembers. And what little girl wouldnt want to take part in a wedding? She also wouldnt understand us coming home and announcing we're married. Her father is getting married this weekend and shes the flower girl. If she can see the ceremony, take part in it, I think she'll realize the powerfulness of it- someday or another.

    SO back to square one! We've been engaged since April and we still dont have a clue what we are doing.

    I am leaning towards having wedding in hotel and ceremony to follow. That leads me to my next question- how on Earth do you have a wedding and ceremony to immediately in the same room? Hows the flow go? Ive only been to traditional weddings, except for one. My sister was married in a small morrocan restaurant. All the guests sat on their cushions on the floor, enjoyed drinks and appetizers and conversation until ceremony- then afterwards, we ate dinner and just had fun. It was the most laid back and fun wedding ever. Id love something like that, so would FH- but nothing like that exists in our home town and we're back to transportation issues.

    So that leads to one final option- a very similar ceremony/reception as mentioned above (probably not morrocan though, just a restaurant we like) in NYC. Itd be very easy for all of his international relative to travel to NYC and transport themselves around. But I can barely plan a wedding here in my hometown, let alone NYC.

    Help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    30000 feet
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    Default

    Wow that's tough!

    We are an international couple too, and had the wedding in Austria (where we live), and then a luncheon reception/party in our honor (hosted by ILs) in the US at a later date. Could you do something like that?

    Other ideas that popped up

    -can you rent a bus for the day to shuttle people to your town from the airport?

    -on the elopement/destination wedding -> can you two go with your daughter and it would be a family vacation (not quite as romantic, but lovely for your DD)?
    Married 07-15-00
    2 girls: L. 08-28-03 and E. 08-18-06
    Journal

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    6,604

    Default

    You are never going to be able to please everyone else, so I always say that you have to please yourself first.

    I didn't catch it in your post, but where are you planning on living? I would have the ceremony and a reception there, for the locals, and then have another smaller reception closer to the others who couldn't be there.
    Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    246

    Default

    I was thinking of just having an overseas reception for his family and friends and an actual wedding here. He may feel left out if his family is not at the wedding though, and I dont want him to feel that way. So maybe we would just have elope together (with or without DD) and just have two seperate receptions for each of our families.

    He CLAIMS that his family would not really want him to throw a reception just for the sake of it.. Its more than that though.. its about celebrating our marriage and it would be nice to get all his family and friends together for that.

    As far as renting a bus, the one hotel has a shuttle service. This might be better because its going to be hard coordinating the arrival times of 40+ guests. So if we do do this in our town, itd almost have to be at that hotel and just include details of the shuttle service in the wedding invitations.

    I have thought of bringing DD along to an elopment.. I even thought of getting married on a Disney cruise so she could be kept occupied (things for kids to do on their own, babysitting, etc) at certain times so we can at least pretend to have a romantic honeymoon!

    There are so many different possibilities, I think I need to make an executive decision! :P

    Thanks for your reply!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    13,513

    Default

    I think it is very nice of you to think of the overseas guests and the issues with transportation, but I also think you are over thinking this. Most of your guests will be perfectly capable of arranging their own transportation. So pick a location that means something to your and your FH, and let the guests figure out how to get there (for what it is worth, my sister married a Brit and the 40+ people that came to the wedding from the UK did just fine on their own).

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
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    I would just pick whatever feels the most right to you for your wedding day, without worrying about accomodating guests. We were in the same situation, and I made a lot of choices for our wedding based on our expectations that his family would be coming over from Ireland. They all said they'd be there and it was going to be a huge crowd. At the last minute the majority of them backed out, and we only ended up with a handful of international guests. I would have planned things a lot differently if I had known that was the case.

    Also, I stressed myself out trying to figure out how all the OOT guests would get from the ceremony to the reception, back to the hotel, etc and as someone else said it wasn't necessary. Anyone that travels all the way to the US from overseas can figure out how to get around once they get here.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    NJ
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    Default

    As mentioned you will never please everyone. Invite who you want to the wedding and reception and those that can afford the trip over will do so. Your FH has to realize that not everyone will be able to make it whether in the states or overseas.

    My SIL is getting married where her and FH live, since family lives all over the place. It's Seattle so there are options for those that want to make it a vacation as well.

    Vegas can be on the cheap, depending on time of year and such. We had gotten a hotel room off-strip but a well known hotel around Christmas and the rate was something like $25 a night with a shuttle to their sister casinos on the strip.
    Mommy to Easton, Julianna and Katelyn, missing my Rebekah

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Default

    I was in a very similar situation. I am from a US/UK family (my side) and had lived in the UK from 2001-2004, while my American FH and I dated. I returned to the US in 2004 and we married in 2005. So we had tons of friends and famil in the UK as well as the US. Our US families were scattered from South GA to Connecticutt.

    So we had a wedding ceremony and reception at a hotel in the US in Atlanta (where we were both based) and then DH and I travelled over to the UK on the way to our Greek Honeymoon. In the UK, we had a religious "Blessing" of our marriage at a Church of England and then a reception. While my mother (who is English) did travel over to the UK for the blessing, the rest of my family did not.

    Atlanta worked well because it was easy for all the out of town guests to fly into, and once they got to the hotel, since both ceremony and reception were there. Since we were living there, it was easiest for us to arrange the wedding there. My US family did complain a little about teh wedding NOT being in my hometown but I just explained that in fairness to Al's relatives, it was just easier to have it in a central location. I did negotiate very strongly with the hotel to get a great room rate, with extras like free parking and free breakfast thrown in as well, to soften the blow of a hotel stay.

    You cannot please everyone, but you can be sympathetic to the costs and logidtics of travel and still have a lovely wedding that reflects you, not just everyone else's travel needs.

    While a hotel wedding could be "soulless" ours certainly wasn't. Here are sme shots to give you an idea of our US/UK events (and me a chance to walk down memory lane!)

    US event - ceremony and reception in the gardens at a hotel







  9. #9
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  10. #10
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