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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Michigan
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    Default If you think your parents were good parents

    My parents were not good parents. Since my parents' divorce, my mother has changed substantially, and to be fair, she was a good mother when I was a child...not so much when I was a teenager.

    My father just sucked all the way around. Any way you slice it. There was nothing he was good at, other than I guess going to work and paying the bills. I guess that is better than nothing.

    When people tell me that their parents are their heroes, or they think they had great parents, I am in awe.

    I want to be that kind of parent to my daughter, but I will be honest in saying I don't even know what that kind of parent is. And I will say that I suspect that parenting a baby/child is easier than when she is a teenager/young adult. It is the teenage/young adult years that I worry about. I worry about protecting her while giving her space, making sure she knows that I love her no matter what while still instilling values and a sense of right and wrong in her, disciplining her when she does wrong in a way that is effective and communicates the lesson.

    So, if you had great parents, please tell me what made them great. TIA.
    J&K 9.22.01* C 10.30.06

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Seattle, WA
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    3,079

    Default

    In a nutshell, what made them great was that they taught me honor, compassion, responsibility, and the value of a dollar. They helped me when I really needed it, and they let me sink a little when I needed that, too.
    Janey.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    1,441

    Default

    My parents were always there to support me (still are) no matter what, even when I was the rebellious little snot. I know without the love and support of my mom I wouldn't be the the mom I am today. I'm hoping my own daughter feels the same way about me (she's 18 now).
    Married my Forever Love: June 30, 2001
    Ash 1990 A3 (Ham) 1997 Al 1998

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    1,004

    Default

    My parents always did, and still do, support all of their children (and now grandchildren.) They are morally supportive, have been financially supportive, and even when we messed up, made us know that they were in our corner.

    On a day-to-day basis, my mom made my school lunches, my dad taught me how to drive, they went to all my school plays and activities, we had family dinner every night (an event that I have trouble pulling off in my own home, to be honest), they imposed curfews and boundaries, and punished me appropriately when I blew it. I didn't always appreciate their efforts, and in fact often really resented them, but I always respected them. My friends tell me they wish they'd grown up in the "beaver cleaver, black-and-white sitcom" like I did.
    "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." -Albert Einstein
    Wife in '01...Mama in '05...Mama again- EDD 4/11/09

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Mid-Atlantic state
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    Default

    My parents both worked, but they were always available. They always spent a lot of time with me.

    One thing they were good at, that I hope to figure out, is how to get your child to respect you and fear you, but not be scared of you. I didn't dare lie to them, not because they would hit me or punish me, but because I did not want to lose their trust. That started at a pretty early age for me.

    Education always came first. If I needed their help, they were always available. Extracurricular activities came after schoolwork was done.

    They were open to talking about whatever I had going on in my life. They talked to me openly about sex, etc., but with the understanding that they wanted me to wait. Somehow I knew I could always go to them with a problem and I would get help, not judgment.

    I had to finish what I started. I had to try new things. I had to earn money. I could not get everything I wanted.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    13,513

    Default

    I think the best thing my parents did was be "parents" not "friends". They were very involved in our lives, from coaching softball to being room mom or cub scout den mother. They also made sure they knew who our friends were and what we were doing. We had responsibilities growing up; chores, making our own spending money, honoring commitments and keeping our grades up.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    In a land far, far away
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    Default

    I agree with what's been said so far. My parents also taught us about consequences, and being aware of the results of my actions has stood me in good stead my entire life. It didn't entirely keep me from doing stupid things, but you can bet that I always was aware of the risks.

    My parents came to every ball game, school play, banquet, etc. They supported us in everything we ever tried (sports, activities, etc.), but didn't force us to do things we weren't interested in.

    Mostly, my parents loved me, and I always knew that.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
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    324

    Default

    Great thread, I'll be following along. I'd love to learn too.

    Among other things, my parents were very strict and "old fashioned". I have no clue what "normal" is. When I have children I worry that I won't know how to have rules without being too strict or go the opposite and be too soft.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    199

    Default

    This is a hard question, because if you asked me when I was a teenager I would have said i couldn't stand my parents. Now, looking back, I know they did the best they could to raise my sister and I to be good, productive adults. My parents divorced when i was 5, My mother remarried when I was 7 and she and my stepdad raised my sister and I. My stepfather had no children of his own at the time so he walked into a house full of girls and became the replacement dad.

    Now, to be fair, my father has ALWAYS been in the picture and he has been incredible. My step mother is also amazing and i am very lucky that my parents both married such wonderful people. But i did a lot of crap when I was a teenager/young adult. I think my mom had no idea what to do with me and she is totally different about things with my little brothers now that she knows how to deal with a teenager. I did pretty much anything I wanted and my mom was very naive. My step dad was very focused on his business and my sister and I were very free.

    I think they were all very good parents, the best they could be under the circumstances. But they taught me about life and love and i never found myself in a situation where I was scared or wanting or alone. I feel very blessed.

    All that being said, I would not consider my parents my heroes. I know they did what they could and for the most part were good parents, but i just don't think i can give them the title of hero.
    When in doubt...Dance
    TTC # 1
    He told me he had an incurable disease. I didn't know it was stupidity.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Default

    Among other things, my parents were very strict and "old fashioned". I have no clue what "normal" is.
    To me that IS normal. And it's the main reason I think my parents were and are such good parents.
    "Every man is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him" - Emerson

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