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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    1,517

    Default Adoptive Parents and Parents to Be

    Since so many of us appear to have migrated over here, I thought I'd revive the Adoptive Parents thread from the Voldemort board. Are you an adoptive parent already? Planning to adopt? Just beginning the process, halfway through, or about to bring your new child home? Domestic or international? What's it been like for you?

    There are so many different issues that come up with adoption--everything from how to tell a child their birth story to dealing with interracial families to relationships with birthparents--along with all the other questions, joys, and worries that accompany becoming a parent. Let's talk about them all here!

    Since I'm not sure who's here and who's not, I won't just repost the list of thread members from the other thread. So if you are an adoptive parent or about to be one, or just thinking about it, and want to talk about it, please sign in!

    Name Gina
    Married May 03
    Age 38
    Reason for Adopting We were about to start TTCing when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in April of 04. I dubbed myself the Cancer Slayer and can happily report that my fabulous doctors and I kicked Lumpy's butt. Chemotherapy did render me temporarily menopausal, though that reversed itself, but the doctors still get very twitchy at the idea of a pregnancy soon after breast cancer--they would want me to wait at least 3 years, at which point I'll be 41, which makes pregnancy somewhat unlikely. The docs are very supportive of our adoption plans, though!
    Type of Adoption Domestic this time 'round; if we go a second time, we may consider international again (have researched both).
    Adoption Status MATCHED! A wonderful prospective birthmother chose us on July 7 to parent her boy-girl twins ( ), due in mid-September. We are in the midst of a wild ride of preparation and emotion right now.
    Last edited by ginadc; 07-28-2005 at 08:51 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    83

    Default I finally found you all!

    Hi Gina

    Congrats on being matched!!! That's awesome! I finally got my first phone call on the 800#. It wasn't a match for Patrick and I but I did pass the call on to our attorneys office so that maybe they could match her up with one of the other couples he has. We just got back from a 2 week vacation in Ibiza, Spain so I have been out of the loop for a couple of weeks. So did all the girls from WC move over here? It looks like just you and summerseven. We have to recruit the others

    I will make sure I check in here everyday from now on.

    Talk to you soon

    Anna

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    83

    Default Forgot to give my Stats

    Anna- 39
    Patrick- 38
    Married- 9/6/2001
    Reason for Adopting - 1 Pregnancy on IVF Cycle #9 m/c 6 weeks, 4 additional IVF cycles- Failed
    Type of Adoption- Domestic private adoption
    Adoption Status - Waiting for that special call

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    27

    Default Which thread do we use?

    Hi all! I am from the WC. On CC there is this thread (in the Pregnancy and Beyond section) called Adoptive Parents and Parents to Be and another one (in the Family Planning section) called Adoption. Which one do we use? Thanks! Glad to find you all! Take Care! I am also going to post this same question in the other thread.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Lawrence, Kansas
    Posts
    7,300

    Default

    Hello! I'm really excited to find other adoptive or to-be adoptive parents to chat with.

    Me: Diana, 27
    Hubby: Cliff, 29
    Wedding Date: 11-30-02
    Reason/Decision to adopt: want to/health
    Type of Adoption: international or domestic infant

    One of the big reasons that adoption is appealing to me because I suffer from chronic migraines, and the idea of going off my daily meds to TTC really worries me. I think adoption would be a really good way to start our family without compromising my health. I don't know if I'd be a very good mother if I was sick all the time.

    My good friend from law school and her husband are in the process of adopting a baby boy from Korea. It's something she's wanted to do for a long time, and I've always been supportive of her desire to do so, but I didn't know whether it was something I could see myself doing or not.

    I'm not completely locked into the idea of an international adoption, as I'd think it might be slightly more feasible for us to adopt domestically. I do, however, want to adopt an infant. I would adopt an infant of any ethnicity, though I'd probably aim for an African/African-American or mixed race child because I am white and my husband is black and it just seems that it would make sense. Does anyone know if it might be easier to find an infant to adopt of these backgrounds?

    I think my husband Cliff is on board with this now that we've had a chance to talk things through a bit, and he understands my concerns about not going off my migraine prevention meds. However, I think we both would still want to try to have a biological baby or two down the road.

    Has anyone done an international adoption or checked into it? From what I can tell so far, Ethiopia is really the only African nation with the ideal scenario for our desires. The waiting period can be pretty short, there isn't any kind of residency requirement, and your baby can even be escorted home for you (for a fee, of course). I know that it will be quite expensive, so it isn't something we could do right away because we aren't financially prepared for that. However, I think we'd be ready in the same time frame as we would be to TTC. My husband is working on completing his undergraduate degree in education, so my thought is that if we do our research and make up our minds from now until he graduates and starts teaching, we would then be ready to start the adoption process right away. Knowing we'd have to wait at least a few months at a minimum, the timing would be just about perfect for us.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    27

    Default

    Hello everyone! Good to see some people I am already familiar with and great to learn about new people!!!

    Name: kbgirl28
    Married: 5/03
    Age: 35
    Reason for adopting (optional): Life long dream, and some health issues (may still try to have biological children)
    Type of adoption: International/China
    Status: We are waiting on our referral. We are expecting it at the end of this month or possibly September!!!

    We started our journey back on September 2004. Our paperwork finally got sent to China in February 2005 and we have been waiting ever since. We are so excited!

    GinaDC, Congratualtions on being matched--any updates? So happy for you!

    Summerseven, keep us posted on the progress. Sept 12th is just around the corner.

    Bella213, Sorry to hear your first call wasn't a match, but I know the perfect match will come--just be patient. Any updates for us?

    lawyerlee, thanks for sharing your story with us. Good luck in your research and in your decision to adopt or not. Looking forward to hearing more.

    Take Care All. Hope all is well!!!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    83

    Default

    Welcome Lawyerlee & kbgirl28

    Lawyerlee- I think you will probably have a better chance of adopting African/African-American or mixed race child here in the US. The call I received was from a BM who was hispanic/african american and the father was caucasian. I passed the information on to our attorneys office since this was not a match for us. We joined the Adoptive Parents Committee in our State/County. So we do a lot of networking within the group and everyone has everyone elses business cards just incase a situation like this occurs. We looked at international adoption but it wasn't right for us. The travel and the waiting period was too much for us. So we decided to stay within the US and go through an attorney instead. We are in the stage of the waiting game now.

    Anyway, I need to run because I have to give my dogs a bath. I will catch up with you all later.

    Anna

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    3,287

    Default

    I'm not a parent (adoptive or otherwise), but I have a cousin from Guatemala (he is now almost 5). I saw ginadc's question about birth stories, and wanted to reply. Obviously, my cousin is young, and issues may still arise. However, at this point, he is very comfortable with 2 versions of the story. One is (when his little friend's mom was expecting her 2nd) that "mama didn't carry me in her belly; she carried me in her arms." Now that he's a little older, he'll tell you that when he was a little baby in Guatemala, he had a different mama, but then his mama came to pick him up and now he has mama and (insert other various family members).

    (My aunt is a single mom, which is why there is no mention of "dad" in these stories ).

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    303

    Default

    I popped in on the thread at WC.

    I just wanted to say a HUGE congratulations to Gina & your husband. WOW! Twins! That is awesome. I have goosebumps for you right now.

    We adopted our daughter Cassidy, she turned one in July. We did a private adoption. Congrats to all on your decision to adopt, it is a wonderful thing.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Posts
    1,901

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lawyerlee
    I'm not completely locked into the idea of an international adoption, as I'd think it might be slightly more feasible for us to adopt domestically. I do, however, want to adopt an infant. I would adopt an infant of any ethnicity, though I'd probably aim for an African/African-American or mixed race child because I am white and my husband is black and it just seems that it would make sense. Does anyone know if it might be easier to find an infant to adopt of these backgrounds?
    Thanks for referring me to this thread Diana! DH and I are having some fertility issues. We have decided not to go too high-tech with our treatments, though. We are going to do a few rounds of insemination (IUI) and if that doesn't work, we will move to adoption.

    We are also wanting an African-American or biracial child (for the same reasons) and yes, it is much easier to . Many agencies can have you matched withing 3-6 weeks or being approved.

    CHeck out this site:
    http://www.africanamericanadoptionsonline.com/
    Giovanna
    DH ~ 2001 | DD ~ 2006 | DS ~ 2008

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