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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinnyme View Post
    These two quotes hit me because I think that when I was going through the thick of this, I really felt like this was the most difficult thing for me. I'm a control freak (I admit it) and not being able to control this was SO hard. I think when I finally began accepting how badly the sleep situation su**ed it ironically made things (slightly) more bearable. I still wasn't getting sleep but I was able to think about it better.
    Right now I'm wavering between trying to accept that this is just the way DD is, and trying to fix it. But you have a point. The nights I do accept it and deal with it do leave me feeling much better the next day than the nights I get upset. Last night was a bad night. I was really frustrated, and then we had an awful morning today because I was in such a foul mood.

  2. #22
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    Right now I'm wavering between trying to accept that this is just the way DD is, and trying to fix it.
    You will drive yourself crazy trying to 'fix' this. The way I look at it, she will sleep when she is ready..there is nothing wrong with her (as I have discussed this with the doctor in great detail). You have to learn to roll with it - yes, it sucks but one day, you will miss these days (you know..when they are calling you stupid and don't want you to touch them) .
    A&K 05.18.02
    Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by elladee View Post
    Right now I'm wavering between trying to accept that this is just the way DD is, and trying to fix it. But you have a point. The nights I do accept it and deal with it do leave me feeling much better the next day than the nights I get upset. Last night was a bad night. I was really frustrated, and then we had an awful morning today because I was in such a foul mood.
    Oh, believe me, elladee, I know in a way what I said may have come off as holier than thou - like "just accept it" and you'll be better for it. That's kind of why I said I was having trouble getting it out.... Really, though, I just got to the point where I had NO CHOICE but to accept it; otherwise, I was going to drive me (and probably DD and DH) insane - or worse, get to the point where I too can understand how parents shake their baby (though of course I too would never do that - but I can now understand how parents DO get to that point). I had tried EVERYTHING up to that point to fix it - remember, I'm a control freak - read every book I could get my hands on, and nothing was working. I had to just throw up my hands and accept it - and accepting it STILL was not easy. Writing things down helped.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cr8zyforaf
    I am also a control freak and the thing that got me was I had no idea what was coming next - I always had a schedule, a to do list and that all got thrown out the window when baby came..and once the 'schedule' started to slip things would just spiral out of control.
    Yes, I think the hardest thing for me was knowing that I had NO IDEA what kind of night it was going to be each night when I went to put DD to bed (and putting her to bed at that point wasn't that easy, either). Would she wake up once tonight? Twice? Not at all? I hate uncertainty with a passion, and always have. As I've matured, I've learned to deal better with the unexpected and "veering off the agenda" but it's been a tough lesson for me - and having a child with sleep problems - the toughest lesson of all. I can really relate to what smurf said, too:

    Quote Originally Posted by smurf
    Sometimes I think having this particular baby is God's way of telling me that I can't be in control of EVERYTHING.
    Melissa & Dave ~ 5/31/03 * Becca ~ 1/14/05 * Bridget ~ 4/9/08 * Allison ~ 1/19/12
    The Mommy (& Everything Else) Journal

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinnyme View Post
    Yes, I think the hardest thing for me was knowing that I had NO IDEA what kind of night it was going to be each night when I went to put DD to bed (and putting her to bed at that point wasn't that easy, either). Would she wake up once tonight? Twice? Not at all? I hate uncertainty with a passion, and always have.
    That's the hardest thing for me. Should I count on it being a bad night, and therefore go to bed when she does, or will she have a decent night so I can stay up past 8:00?

    I feel so bad for DH because I hardly spend any alone time with him. He gets home, we eat dinner, play with DD, put her to bed, and then I go to bed. He just hangs out by himself for the rest of the night. I know he understands, but it still sucks.
    Kate Elyse 7.03.06 ~Avery Claire 9.03.08 ~ Girl #3 due 9/23/11
    Chronicles of a Sleep-Deprived Mama

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by smurf View Post
    That's the hardest thing for me. Should I count on it being a bad night, and therefore go to bed when she does, or will she have a decent night so I can stay up past 8:00?
    Oh, I'd forgotten that part - see, it DOES get better! Or at least your memory helps you forget how very bad it was. I went to bed at 8:00 p.m. for MONTHS so I'd be rested even if she got up in the middle of the night. It was horrible. I mean, I don't do anything so earth-shattering now that I stay up later, and I still often fall asleep early on the couch, but at least I'm up and spending time with DH (or on things for myself), even if it's not completely quality time.
    Melissa & Dave ~ 5/31/03 * Becca ~ 1/14/05 * Bridget ~ 4/9/08 * Allison ~ 1/19/12
    The Mommy (& Everything Else) Journal

  6. #26
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    Another thought on the acceptance thing. This has probably been the most stressful thing about becoming a parent in my relationship with DH. I'm exhausted and just not really interested in even talking by the late evening hours. I found once I came to acceptance with the whole sleep thing and it'll happen when it happens, I am so much more at peace with everything. Less stress about that has really put less of a strain on our marriage.
    Us 03.03
    Big Sister 10.05
    Baby Brother 01.08

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinnyme View Post
    Oh, believe me, elladee, I know in a way what I said may have come off as holier than thou - like "just accept it" and you'll be better for it. That's kind of why I said I was having trouble getting it out.... Really, though, I just got to the point where I had NO CHOICE but to accept it; otherwise, I was going to drive me (and probably DD and DH) insane - or worse, get to the point where I too can understand how parents shake their baby (though of course I too would never do that - but I can now understand how parents DO get to that point). I had tried EVERYTHING up to that point to fix it - remember, I'm a control freak - read every book I could get my hands on, and nothing was working. I had to just throw up my hands and accept it - and accepting it STILL was not easy. Writing things down helped.
    Oh no, I didn't take it as a holier than thou thing at all. It's exactly what I need to hear (which is why I'm so happy cr8zyforaf stated this thread). I was really good at accepting it up until she was oh, maybe 10.5 months old. Then for some reason I decided that there must be something wrong that she doesn't STTN, and I had to fix it. Now after a couple very frustrating months, I need to stop the madness. Still, every few nights, I get a new theory that pops in my head, and start trying to fix things all over again.

    Well now, thanks to you all, I resolve to stop that. Some babies don't STTN, and lucky me, I got one. Thankfully she's perfect in every other way.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by elladee View Post
    Still, every few nights, I get a new theory that pops in my head, and start trying to fix things all over again.
    This is totally me DH and my mom are always laughing at me because I keep trying out new theories. I'm just convinced that there must be something that can fix her! In reality, I know she can't be programmed to sleep better, but I guess it just makes me feel like I'm helping things by trying. Heck, all the different things I've tried probably have done more harm than good. Now she's just confused and has no idea what kind of hairbrained thing I'm going to try from night to night!
    Kate Elyse 7.03.06 ~Avery Claire 9.03.08 ~ Girl #3 due 9/23/11
    Chronicles of a Sleep-Deprived Mama

  9. #29
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    I haven't tried that hard to "fix" the problem because I figured it wasn't fixable. Other than I do need to get him to not need a bottle at night to get back to sleep if I can. My chiropractor said his youngest is 14 and still gets up during the night and wanders around the house--she just is a horrible sleeper and he said she was since she was a baby. Didn't make me feel better than she never outgrew it but also made me feel better that it probably wasn't anything I was or wasn't doing--it just is how he is.

    And yes I've been known to cry and yell at DS at night when he won't sleep. I know it doesn't do any good but sometimes you are just so frustrated you can't help it.
    Jon and Heather ~ May 3, 2002
    Colin 11/7/03 (c/s preemie)~Alexander 9/10/05 (VBAC)~
    Sabrina 9/15/07 (VBAC)

  10. #30
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    This looks like a thread I should belong to...

    DD is only 7 weeks, I really hope I am not going through this after a year and a half. I have a terrible sleeper on my hands, and what makes it worse is that DD#1 was a great sleeper, by this time she was only getting up once a night. This one actually sleeps at night, thankfully but gets up every 2 hours. She goes down between 7 and 7:30 which means I go to bed at that time too. Boy does that stink, it's the only way I can get any sleep. DH does the first night time feeding and it usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep so my "big stretch" of sleep is about 3 hours long

    She is a terrible napper too. WILL NOT nap for more than 30 minutes, twice a day if I am lucky. Today it only took me 3 hours to get her to take a nap. I am literally at the end of my rope here. Some say it will get better but after reading some of the posts on this thread I am worried it won't. I am so frustrated, I cry when she cries because I don't know what to do. She hates her swing, hates her crib, will tolerate her bouncy for about 20 minutes.

    This is it, last kiddo for me.

    Married to Matt 9/21/02
    Mommy to Allyson Noelle 11/14/03, Averi Nicole 11/30/06

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