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  1. #1
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    Default Sleep Deprived Mama's - come on in

    I am starting this thread as a support area for mom's who are getting no sleep. This isn't a thread for telling others what to try, what book to read, etc. I would like this to be a place to come so we can share our frustrations and talk without being judged or have advice rammed down our throats.

    I will start - my DD is 16 months and really has never been a good sleeper - she rarely SSTN and is up at least once, sometimes every few hours EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. I WOH and I am exhausted. She is usually up by 6AM every day and I just feel like it will never end. She naps like cr*p also. We've tried everything - no cry sleep solution, CIO, Baby Whisperer, hiring a sleep lady to come to our house- nothing works. Like my doctor said, you cannot force a baby to sleep - she isn't cranky when she is up so that is one good thing.

    This has affected my friendships (I rarely get out as any time out during the evenings is time I would rather be sleeping - I usually go to bed at 8 when she goes to bed because 8-12 is usually our long stretch) and it has also affected my marriage. DH feels I am no longer affectionate with him - and he is right- I just don't have the energy. Even if DH gets up with her, which he does, I am still up because I can here her screaming and crying. I didn't know it would be like this, I really didn't.
    A&K 05.18.02
    Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

  2. #2
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    Count me in.... unfortunately..... Last night he was only up once--at 2:33 am. Then he fussed at 6:45 am but stayed asleep. I get up at 6:55 so I just got up and got ready for work (DH is a SAHD so I don't have to get the kids ready for daycare). Saturday night he was up from 2:20-4 something..... At least I got to sleep a bit extra on Sunday. Alex typically will not go to bed before 9/9:30 pm. It typically takes 2-3 tries to get him to go to sleep. Then he is typically up 0-3 times a night (with 0 a thing that happens a couple times a month tops). My first slept very well in comparison. I haven't tried any hardcore sleep training--it's too hard to do when you're already exhausted. I might take a few days vacation time and try that in the next month if he doesn't get better--particularily since we have decided to start TTC3 (last child--I refuse to do this two more times). I can NOT do this while in the first trimester of pregnancy fatigue hell and I told DH as much--I told him once I'm pg if Alex is still not STTN HE is getting up with him those first three months of my pg.

    When he gets up he almost never will go back to sleep on his own--he usualy has a wet diaper and hate sleeping in a wet diaper. And then he wants a bottle before he goes back to sleep (kid never would sleep if he was even the tiniest bit still hungry) which in turn gives another wet diaper....
    Jon and Heather ~ May 3, 2002
    Colin 11/7/03 (c/s preemie)~Alexander 9/10/05 (VBAC)~
    Sabrina 9/15/07 (VBAC)

  3. #3
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    Holy cr*p, you guys are TTC??? I am so jealous..I wish I were ready but to tell you the truth, the last 16 months have me petrified of having another. Everyone says "oh, every baby is different"..yeah, I could end up with one much worse. I do want another baby (I think I do) bu the thought of starting this over makes me cry.

    I would get the agreement about Dh getting up in writing .
    A&K 05.18.02
    Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

  4. #4
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    I can't imagine how different parenting would be if I had a good sleeper. DS goes through occasional phases of being an average sleeper. Right now he's terrible. I wish I knew how to adjust my thinking about the whole thing because I don't think there's anything I can do to make DS regularly STTN and take a 2-hour nap everyday. For some reason, this is my absolute weakness as a mother. On days like today, I can barely keep it together.

    We're TTC, too, but I'm terrified of having a newborn again.
    My guys: 2/05, 10/08
    My girl: 10/11

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by cr8zyforaf View Post
    I would get the agreement about Dh getting up in writing .
    Having a sense of humor gets a sleep-deprived mama through sometimes! And that is from another (former) sleep-deprived mama. My DD did not STTN until 13 months (and was a horrible napper, too), and it was tough tough tough to the point - like you - that I couldn't even fathom having another child under those circumstances. I was a zombie all those months, and it definitely affected my marriage and life. It was sheer he** and I still can't believe I went through it. The last 9 months have been a godsend in comparison and still we've gone through cycles of not STTN and are still up with DD maybe once or twice a week. I can NOW finally - she just celebrated her 2nd birthday this past weekend - conceive of trying for a second (we plan to start trying this summer, when she'll be 2.5).

    It was awful and I can completely sympathize with you. I even started a journal on CC just to track her sleep patterns and try to figure out what was going on and tackle it.

    I have a friend who has children about 15 months apart (I can't remember the exact difference) and she says if her second child had been her first, there's no way they ever would have had the kids close together like that. The second was a terrible sleeper. I can only hope that we'll have the opposite - the second child will be the better sleeper - because frankly I can't even think about the possibility of that child being a WORSE sleeper. I don't know how I would get through it. We are almost certain we will be having only one more child... so what keeps me going is that hopefully I'll only go through this particular level of he** just once more.
    Last edited by twinnyme; 01-16-2007 at 11:34 AM.
    Melissa & Dave ~ 5/31/03 * Becca ~ 1/14/05 * Bridget ~ 4/9/08 * Allison ~ 1/19/12
    The Mommy (& Everything Else) Journal

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by cr8zyforaf View Post
    Holy cr*p, you guys are TTC??? I am so jealous..I wish I were ready but to tell you the truth, the last 16 months have me petrified of having another. Everyone says "oh, every baby is different"..yeah, I could end up with one much worse. I do want another baby (I think I do) bu the thought of starting this over makes me cry.

    I would get the agreement about Dh getting up in writing .
    Well the whole thought of doing it all again makes me want to cry however I'm turning 35 this year and I know my health insurance is changing radically at work in 2008 and I might not be able to go to the hospital I had my VBAC at as of 2008 so yes we're TTC and hoping to be pg in the next few months (only took us a few cycles with DS1 and DS2). DH kind of wants 4 but I was always all about "2, maybe 3" (which he was originally in agreement with--he only recently has mentioned wanting 4 and I've flat out told him no way in hell unless there is an oops) and now that I've agreed to 3 I'm done. I think I'm going to get my tubes tied after #3 so even though I'm dreading being pg and going through all this again I'm also looking forward to it being the end of all this once we have #3. I figure I'll just claw through it day by day and tell myself "this is the last time I ever have to do this" each day it sucks.
    Jon and Heather ~ May 3, 2002
    Colin 11/7/03 (c/s preemie)~Alexander 9/10/05 (VBAC)~
    Sabrina 9/15/07 (VBAC)

  7. #7
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    I totally agree with twinnyme - a sense of humor helps. Also, I try to bear in mind that one day, I will miss holding her and I will long for an hour in a quite house to hold her in my arms and rock her. That being said, it is he11 and most of the times I am just p*ssed that I am not sleeping. I also hope that my second will sleep. My sister is going through the same thing with her second - he won't sleep at all..her first slept all the time.

    hmbay - good luck. I will pray you get a sleeper this time. I will be 35 in October, so Dh and I need to get on the ball...I think we will think about it once she hits two...boo hoo!
    A&K 05.18.02
    Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

  8. #8
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    sign me up for the club! my daughter JUST started sleeping a little bit more solidly at night (14 months) - I am so jealous of moms who have good sleepers. I think at this point it is the naps I am more jealous of - my daughter catnaps, at best. The lack of naps makes for long days on the weekends, and a very grumpy baby when I get home from work on the weedays.

    we are also v nervously TTC#2 - I am terrified that we will end up with an even more fitful sleeper.

    and I also think all of this is harder on me because I LOVE TO SLEEP!!! I have friends who get by with no problem on 5 or 6 hours of sleep, and get up at 7 even on weekend mornings - not me!

    ETA: look how out of it I am - my daughter is 13 months, not 14!
    Last edited by helen22; 01-16-2007 at 11:59 AM. Reason: sleep-deprived....
    hello baby girl ~ 12.12.05
    and baby boy ~ 3.10.08

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by cr8zyforaf View Post
    I totally agree with twinnyme - a sense of humor helps. Also, I try to bear in mind that one day, I will miss holding her and I will long for an hour in a quite house to hold her in my arms and rock her. That being said, it is he11 and most of the times I am just p*ssed that I am not sleeping. I also hope that my second will sleep. My sister is going through the same thing with her second - he won't sleep at all..her first slept all the time.
    Well, now that YOU brought it up my sister is also going through the same thing with her second son; he is now 3 months and he's just as "bad" a sleeper as her first son was. They solved this in two ways: first, by co-sleeping with their first son (who is now 3), and second, they now have a live-in nanny who helps with getting up at night. We will never be able to afford (nor would I want) a live-in nanny. But my sister and her family was here this weekend for my DD's birthday and she was having a tough time of it. Here's what I wrote in my LJ about one incident this weekend:

    "My sister was having a rough time with both boys - both were feeling sick - and her husband wasn't much help (arrggh) until it was REALLY necessary. He cries a lot - like Becca (and his brother) were at that age. It's tough. I realize I do really like the toddler stage better because at least you can figure out what they want. I feel so helpless when they just cry and you don't know why. But I took him from BIL at one point to see if I could help and I was able to get him to sleep upstairs. So they just put him in the carseat and took him back to the hotel after that. It was fun having him in my arms and rocking him to sleep but it brings home the reality of having a second child. As he was asleep in my room with me, Becca was running up the stairs screaming Mommy but I didn't want Matthew to wake up and I was afraid to move him off my shoulder. Luckily [DH] managed to distract her, but I can see how tough it would / will be."

    ETA: And my sister said to me afterwards, "how did you get him to sleep?" Total fluke, I tell you! AND I haven't been dealing with it non-stop for 3 months so I was able to relieve them a bit, but what will I be like when I am dealing with it on a regular basis? I don't even want to think about it.

    Her husband (my BIL) works a LOT of hours, and so does my sister. I WOH part-time and WAH part-time, and I have no idea how I'll do the WAH part with a newborn who doesn't sleep. I didn't start that this time until DD was 6 months - before that, I just took my usual maternity leave, and then went back full-time, but my DH works a TON too and I couldn't hack it anymore; I was really losing it due to lack of sleep so we switched around my work arrangement.

    That's partly why we are aiming for a late spring or summer child this time around - though who knows what will happen - between my two work schedules, and DH's (he is a CPA) that will work best if we DO have to deal with a tough sleeper again.

    Quote Originally Posted by cr8zyforaf
    hmbay - good luck. I will pray you get a sleeper this time. I will be 35 in October, so Dh and I need to get on the ball...I think we will think about it once she hits two...boo hoo!
    I am also 35. I wonder if it's tougher to deal with sleep deprivation when you're an older mother and have been used to your own schedule beforehand? It's just curious that so far a few of us are around 35.

    Quote Originally Posted by helen22
    I think at this point it is the naps I am more jealous of - my daughter catnaps, at best. The lack of naps makes for long days on the weekends, and a very grumpy baby when I get home from work on the weedays.
    ETA: Btw, there MAY be hope though I'm hesitant to write this - I really do consider myself to have been a sleep-deprived mama - but my DD all by herself a couple of months ago started an incredible nap schedule. She is home with me 4 days and at a daycare center 3 days. While she is at the center, she takes a nap from 12:00 to 2:00. When she's home with me, she naps from 1:00 to 4:00 typically - and on Friday she napped from 1:30 to 5:00!! She did this completely by herself (I just started putting her down later) and it is amazing for a child that I affectionately call "my recovering catnapper."

    Sorry to write so much; as you can see, I really relate to this topic!!
    Last edited by twinnyme; 01-16-2007 at 12:07 PM.
    Melissa & Dave ~ 5/31/03 * Becca ~ 1/14/05 * Bridget ~ 4/9/08 * Allison ~ 1/19/12
    The Mommy (& Everything Else) Journal

  10. #10
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    I don't know if age has anything to do with it for me--perhaps as I know I'm getting more tired as I get older but I've always needed a lot of sleep. My mom sent me to the dr once in college because I was always so tired to check for thyroid or other problems and the only diagnosis they could come up with was that I was sleep-deprived even though I was getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night--they figured I was one of those people who probably needed 9 or more which goes so well with having children doesn't it?
    Jon and Heather ~ May 3, 2002
    Colin 11/7/03 (c/s preemie)~Alexander 9/10/05 (VBAC)~
    Sabrina 9/15/07 (VBAC)

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