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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    The Whale's Vagina
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    4,021

    Default Comments on this cover letter please!

    The position I am applying for involves writing (which is in the title) but the job desorption lists marketing; event planning; and interviewing, recruiting, and supervising student staff before the writing responsibilities (which, BTW, would also include working with college students). Here's what I've put together, thanks to a sample I found on CC and copied heavily from. (Thanks!). I have to get this submitted today so any feedback you can give me in the next few hours woudl be greatly appreciated. TIA!

    (And yes, I know "to whom it may concern" sucks but I was unable to track down either a name or title even after some research and phone calls.)

    To whom it may concern,

    I write to express my great interest in applying for a position as a JobTitle. My experiences as a CurrentTitle for another NameofProgramBothOrgsArePartof program have made it clear to me that your program would be an ideal place to continue my career and would give me a chance to even better utilize my marketing, event coordinating, English skills.

    Even before finishing my English degree, I knew my future was in writing and that I wanted to work for a non-profit or in some kind of public service capacity. I have been fortunate to employ my writing and communication skills in service of the CurrentEmployer first, as an Administrative Assistant, and after a promotion a little more than a year later, in my current position as CurrentTitle. In the latter position, I have had the opportunity to work on a variety of matters and expand my skill level. In addition to allowing me to further hone my writing and event coordinating skills, my current position also allowed me to discover that I have a talent for marketing and that I feel extremely rewarded by working with students. In addition to marketing our opportunities to students and successfully striving to increase program participation, I have been responsible for overseeing the writing, editing, design, and production of our substantive annual newsletter, as well as many other writing and marketing related efforts. I have also had the pleasure of working with and supervising some of our student staff. These invaluable experiences have allowed me to further strengthen my writing, marketing, and supervisory skills, and I am confident that they would serve me well in the OrganizationName as a JobTitle.

    I would welcome the opportunity to further discuss my qualifications and to meet with you to learn more about your program and this opportunity. Thank you very much for your consideration.

    Warm regards,
    villanelle75
    'Thou shalt not' might reach the head, but it takes 'Once upon a time' to reach the heart.-Philip Pullman

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NJ/NY
    Posts
    2,311

    Default

    I think it's great! It flows well, plays up your strengths well, and sounds very convincing. (But I think the sample was mine, so I'm biased.)

    My only thoughts:
    add "and" before English skills; would "writing" work better than "English" in that sentence?

    "future was in writing" and "some kind of public service capacity" seem a touch awkward to me. I think of a non- "ing" noun for the "my future was in" sentence; could you combine the two ideas to say "I knew that I wanted to work as a writer for a public interest organization" ?

    "expand my skill level" is also a touch awkward. if you could be a bit more specific there, i think it would really stand out. ie "I have had the opportunity to draft a number of Xs and coordinate a series of Ys"

    finally, do you want to use hyphens between "marketing-related"? and I would use "position" rather than opportunity in the second to last sentence because right now "opportunity" is used twice.

    otherwise, awesome! best of luck.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    NoVA
    Posts
    2,785

    Default

    I read somewhere recently that when you don't have the recruiter or hiring manager's name to address the letter as "Dear Sir or Madam" rather than "To Whom it May Concern." Otherwise, I think it's a very nice letter. I recognize where you got it. I borrowed a couple sentences from that one myself for the job I was just offered.

    Good Luck!

    ETA: If you do have an interview, don't forget to send thank you letters!
    Last edited by KaliLily; 10-26-2006 at 07:22 PM.
    Kim
    [SIZE="1"]K&J - Est. 08.16.97 * Lily 10/14/00 * Kali 2000 - 3/10/07

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    2,169

    Default

    In my personal opinion, the second paragraph is just too long. I stopped reading at this sentence:

    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle75 View Post
    In the latter position, I have had the opportunity to work on a variety of matters and expand my skill level.
    I think you could delete that sentence for brevity. You want your cover letter to be as specific and concise as possible. The sentence doesn't say anything specific about what you've done.

    Good Luck!!!
    11-4-08 Grace, here only nine months, in heaven for eternity Blog:Grace, mourning, life.
    L, healthy living miracle, 7/22/10
    F, sweet cuddlebug, 3/16/12!

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    The Whale's Vagina
    Posts
    4,021

    Default

    Thanks! I made some changes to make the second paragraph shorter and I divided it into two paragraphs as well. I've submitted is an d now I'll keep my fingers crossed!
    'Thou shalt not' might reach the head, but it takes 'Once upon a time' to reach the heart.-Philip Pullman

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NC by way of Los Angeles
    Posts
    6,197

    Default

    Yay! I'm sending good vibes your way, hoping something good comes from this letter!

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    The Whale's Vagina
    Posts
    4,021

    Default

    Well, it's no director position , but it would be great. From the description, it sounds like I'd be doing much more of the thigns baout my current job that I actually like and feel I am great at. Plus, if I was paid anywhere excpet the very bottom of the listed range, it would be the same pay or more, for only 30 hours week. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm totally losing that battle!
    'Thou shalt not' might reach the head, but it takes 'Once upon a time' to reach the heart.-Philip Pullman

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    clearly NOT at the cool kids table
    Posts
    9,766

    Default

    Good luck!

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NC by way of Los Angeles
    Posts
    6,197

    Default

    That's really awesome. 30 hours a week is a really nice schedule. I know I love it!

    I hope you get it.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,218

    Default

    Bump!

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