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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
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    19

    Default Husband wants to be a cop!

    Ummm? More than a little scary.
    Anyone have any pros or cons?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    nebraska!
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    277

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    a cop isn't even in the top ten of most dangerous jobs. More dangerous is a pilot, a logger and a cab driver. You can go online to msn and find out the most dangerous jobs. Pro: he's serving the city Con: he'd have to work holidays sometimes.

    Now, my husband isn't a cop so I can't give you a complete list of pros and cons. My mom works at the police station, but not as an officer. the only thing she told me (when I was single) is that she didn't want me to date a cop b/c I guess that profession has one of highest rates for spousal abuse and suicide.
    ~~Formerly Ontheroad81 on WC

    on LJ my name is Onlyagirl_

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    RI
    Posts
    608

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    My DH was once a cop (he still keeps his license as a reserve officer).
    Cons: Always working weekends and some holidays, horrible pay ( this depends on where you live. This is the main reason he is no longer a cop. ) Could be dangerous (again depends on where he will be working)
    Pros: He might love what he does once he starts. A lot of cops stay at it because they love it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    5,398

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    My father was a police officer when I was little. My mother was a very proud police wife, although I know it was tough on her sometimes to be home alone at night (Dad worked the night shift often) and to be worried about what he was doing. Dad was good to call mom as much as he could so that she would know he was safe - it worked well for them. Dad quit when we moved to a new state and it was tough for him to find a job. He still wishes often that he was a police officer.

    I know it's scary, but try to think of it this way - if your DH does go through with this, he will receive training. It's not like he'll go tomorrow, get a gun, and try to stop the bad guys. He will be trained, trained, and then re-trained in the proper ways to handle dangerous situations. My dad says that in all of his years as a beat cop, he never was in harm's way. And even if he ever had been, he knows that both he and his partner knew what to do to keep themselves and others safe.
    Karla, CPST Mom to DS1 5/06 * DD 8/07 * DS2 8/08 * DS3 3/10

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    6,826

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    I think that life is 50/50 everyday. And I do not mean to minimize your feelings. Because, really I do understand. Some people might say, "Why tempt fate?" But at the same time there are no guarantees. But try to support him and address your concerns at the same time. My father works in a high risk job for the government. He carries a gun with him everywhere he goes. Even to my home. He has been involved with the government in one way or another since he was 17 years of age. I understand being scared for your loved one. But try to help him follow what he wants to do. I think you'll both be thankful for that.

    Best of luck.

    ~H.

  6. #6
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    Jun 2005
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    My DH is a cop and became one after we got married. I can list a bunch of pros and cons but they all depend on the person and the area you live. I will say that if this is what he wants to do, you have no control (or at least shouldn't) over whether he does it or not. You can voice your opinion but the decision is ultimately his. The look on DH's face everytime he talks about his job is so priceless that I would feel like a monster if I ever denied him that. I would much rather him die tomorrow doing what he loves than live a lifetime easing my fear and not having those experiences.

    I will say that there are definitely cop personalities. He might not be as happy if he is not one. These people love guns, possibly martial arts/boxing/etc, like autonomy, are patient, naturally hypervigilent, can stand their ground and exhude confidence, detail oriented, etc. I would just make sure he has researched the field thoroughly before putting you and your family through the stress.

    If he does decide to do it, it is beyond essential for your own happiness and the happiness of your marriage to fully support him. It will take a lot of understanding and flexibility on your part.
    Last edited by Soulmate; 11-23-2005 at 04:04 PM.
    "It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate, it takes guts to be gentle and kind" ~ The Smiths
    DS1 6.29.06 ~:~ DS2 10.7.10

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    230

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    My DH is a cop, too, and DITTO to everything Soulmate said, especially

    I will say that there are definitely cop personalities. He might not be as happy if he is not one. These people love guns, possibly martial arts/boxing/etc, like autonomy, are patient, naturally hypervigilent, can stand their ground and exhude confidence, detail oriented, etc.
    My DH LOVES his job, and the above description is pretty close to his personality..
    Susannah is a big sister! Katie arrived November 14, 2006!!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    19

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    Soulmate...I understand the need to support him in all of his dreams. To me that is a given. I am just looking for the big picture.
    You say he should research the field before putting the family through the stress---what are the stresses?

  9. #9
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    Jun 2005
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    You say he should research the field before putting the family through the stress---what are the stresses?
    In my experience, the main stress is the schedule. DH is on the evening schedule (3pm -1am) and I go days without seeing him. We talk on the phone a lot when he's not busy but I miss him. I imagine that would be more stressful when you have kids. Another stress is the need to schmooze depending on the department. If your DH wants to be more than a street cop he'll need to interact socially with co-workers (like most other jobs) and volunteer for little extra things. I never wait up for DH but some of the wives do, but sometimes when they have to take people to jail they are there for hours and cannot call to tell you they will be late. This may freak some people out initially. There is also the stress that DH will go through. For example, DH heard about a call recently where a guy committed suicide and blew his entire head off. Or another call where a young girl gets brutally raped by her father. Your DH will go on calls similar at some point. Depending on how he handles his stress, this may come out in some not so great ways. Communication is soooo important and it is also important that you are willing to listen to these stories. Many cop's wives do not want to hear the stories for many reasons (sometimes they are boring) and infidelity rates are very high because the DH will turn to other officers/EMT/rescue workers for that support because they understand and enjoy hearing them. Finally, this
    Always working weekends and some holidays
    DH is working all the major holidays this year (including tomorrow and christmas day). You can always adjust depending on the shift but it is an extra something to worry about.

    I am trying to think of some other things. DH works in an upper middle-class zone so he does not really get the drug/violent crime calls. So it is hard for me to think of some other stressors that would occur in those areas.

    I just asked DH to give input and he is going to give me some sort of list (which is supposed to be this "a funny but true" thing for cops) that might help too.
    "It's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate, it takes guts to be gentle and kind" ~ The Smiths
    DS1 6.29.06 ~:~ DS2 10.7.10

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    Jersey
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    My DH is a cop, and has been one since before I met him. I think that makes it easier, as our seeing each other has always been built around his odd schedule, and the job has always been a given.

    I do worry about him, since he is a rural/small town cop on the edge of a major urban cesspool, but the populace and much of his department seems to believe that drug dealers stop at the town limits (because they're weealthy, over priviliged morons). We've already had gangbangers firing automatic weapons in a major police chase this year, but these people are ostriches. OK, sorry, major vent on a recurring theme in this town. I'll try to stay on topic. Where was I?

    Oh yes. I do worry about him, but he's an intelligent, well-trained professional who maintains his vigilance without being a paranoid, power-loving jerk.

    I think the biggest challenge is his schedule. In Sweetie's town, the cops were 3-day tours and rotate between days and nights. For example, this week he was/is/will be:

    Off Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
    On days (6:30am - 6:30pm) Friday, Saturday, Sunday
    Off Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
    On nights (6:30pm - 6:30am) Thursday, Friday, Saturday

    Luckily, I am an independent gal and I love my alone time. On the rare occasion that I need him, he's always been able to either take time off, or find someone to cover for him. He works a moderate amount of overtime, and although he isn't always able to call when he'll be late, he does his best to let me know asap. Like he says, I shouldn't worry if I don't get a call. I'm the person that'll get a call if there's a problem.

    I'm not saying it's all rainbows and butterflies. I have learned a lot about the criminal justice system that left me disillusioned. Some of the guys he works with I don't trust, don't like, and don't respect off the job. Some I don't want on the job, to be honest. But, for the most part, they're an ok bunch.

    Most importantly, this is the only job for Sweetie. He's a really good cop. He cares about justice, upholding the law, and keeping the public, his colleagues, and himself safe. Whatever extra worries I have, it's definitely worth his happiness, and I can feel proud of the contributions we're making to society.

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