Oh my. Well, things have gotten more interesting. The cookbook that I sent to them must have arrived today & the wife left me a nice vm thanking me. I could tell she was getting choked up & basically said her own family hadn't even bothered to acknowledge this yet, so she really appreciated it. I called back tonight to say you're welcome. I chatted with her for a few minutes, mainly about recipes in the book & laughed about how our knowledge of russian cuisine goes no further than vodka right now. She then put her husband on the phone & I chatted with him for almost 20 minutes. He told me that her family has been very vocal about how they believe this is a bad idea. He also confided that in addition to all the infertility treatments, his wife was dx'ed 2.5 years ago as having bipolar by 1 doctor & when they went to another doc for a 2nd opinion, he thought just depression. They spent 2 years trying to effectively manage this with meds, but 6 months ago she went off everything & is working with a nutritionalist to manage both the psychological & fertility difficulties via diet. I asked how he thought she was doing & he told me it's really not a matter of better or worse, it's just different. (I'm not sure what that really means but I didn't want to pry.) However, her family feels that she's just on the "up" part of the bipolar cycle & that is where the drive to adopt has come from. I basically just said I was really sorry to hear all of that & he asked that I not share the details with anyone else in our circle of friends, which I obviously agreed to. In hindsight, a disorder like bipolar or depression explains a lot of what I thought was strange/immature/irrational behavior from her in the past. Truthfully, I feel kinda stupid for not considering that before.
Right now, I just feel sad and very worried for everyone involved. I've had other friends adopt infants & while the process is always a bit of a roller coaster, there's a lot of joy & excitement bundled in with the worry & fear. It just seems like that is totally lacking in this case & it's sad.