Southlooper - in my case, it's my ILs. They are very petty and like to take digs at me and now my daughter. I truthfully think they are racist (I'm Mexican and obviously my daughter is part as well). They think it's silly we encourage her to speak Spanish. My family is also never invited to do things with them, but yet they do get together - and will talk about upcoming events in front of us.
Normally, I ignore them. But, I find myself being a very negative person because I have this wall around me. I don't like it. Lately I've been playing with DD more and more - since no one in the family will - and just really focus on her but also try to let ILs interact with her if they want so I'm not a hovering parent.
Chimi - I am also in a similar situation, but with my dad. Every time we get together he takes it as an opportunity to nickpick at me (or in his mind get me to relax and appreciate life.) I finally had enough and now do not interact with him unless I absolutely have to. He doesn't visit us and when we visit my family, we stay with my brother. When I have to be in his presence, I am not alone with him. What does your DH say about this?
Brandles - When I first read your post I instantly though about a former co-irker who was a complete petty drama queen. At first I let her have her say and not take it seriously but, like a troll, the more attention I gave her, the more dramatic she got. At the end I would avoid her and in situations where I had to deal with her I did my best to keep the subject focused on the task on hand. If she would go into one of her rants I would say, "oh, that's unfortunate" and then excuse myself.
Last edited by Southlooper; 07-17-2009 at 02:46 AM.
In the case of some of my ILs, I find a glass of wine prior to a visit helps immensely . Of course, that isn't always feasible so in those cases I just sort of 'click them off' like a light switch. Seriously...I don't have time for that kind of ridiculousness in my life...the best I can do is turn off the absurdity of their actions and get through it the best I can.
And *then* have a glass of wine .
A Place For Everything, and Everything In Its Place.
I try to remember that everyone is doing the best they can and accept them same way I accept that a child has to act like a child, even if it would be more pleasant for me if they were capable of acting more grown up. Being older does not mean a person has actually grown emotionally and is able to be mature. I also think of them as bringing something I need into my life, perhaps practice in being patient or a reflection of some behavior of my own that is affect others in a way I may not have noticed. (Nothing like having your child mimic your behavior back at you to let you see yourself honestly- nnot that a child is petty per se, just an analogy of sort to explain what I mean.) I try not to react to them, just hear them, listen to them, take from them any information that seems real (even the petty may sometimes hit on a truth) and allowing the rest to settle around me, not within me. And though they may be "good for me" in spirtitual ways, I will still, being human, avoid the unpleasant contact as much as possible and tune them out when I don't have the energy to process their comments in a manner that is health for me.