A few weeks ago was my birthday. My best friend went out for my birthday and did not get me card or gift which is not a big deal to me. The following week was another one of our friends bday and she bought him a gift and shellod out tons of money for his party. At the party she ditched me and hung out with a guy that she just met. She spent the rest of the night glued to him and made no attempts to chat with me at all. When I got mad about it she claimed "she was not in charge of entertaining me." Now we are in a huge fight.
I do not require tons of attention and I can talk to anybody, but that night I was around numerous drunk guys who could barely hold a converstion.
Also she has a bad habit of not paying attention to me when a "better" person comes along. For example when we are at a bar she turns her back when talking to others making it difficult for me to be involved in the converstaion.
I guess I jsut got fed up with it and got mad. Am I overreacting to this??
Re: your birthday: Do you two normally exchange cards and gifts? I have good friends that I don't exchange gifts with. You say it doesn't bother you, but you did bring it up, so it must bother you.
Re: the other party. It's not fair of you to compare what she got or didn't get you to what she got him. It sounds like her behavior at the party is nothing new. You agreed to go with her to the party, so I don't think you can be too upset at her behavior because you know that's how she is. Why did you think she would act differently?
i was just thinking i would be more than happy if one of my single friends found some guy to talk to. even if i came to the party without my hubby (which is often for me), i would still be happy for my friend bc i know it's tough being single (that is if you really want a bf) and wanting to have a bf so you got to put yourself out there and talk to guys. when i was single, this would happen a lot to my friends and i. one of us would find some guy to talk to and it was understood that the other wouldn't be a third wheel and found something else to occupy them. i am very shy too, but i still would manage to have a good time.
now, my friends and i don't go out to party anymore so this doesn't happen anymore.
also, regarding the gift. i don't always give my friends presents but if i am invited to a bday party i always bring a gift. so, maybe since you didn't have a formal bday party, she didn't feel like she needed to get you a gift.
I was really mad at myself for agreeing to go since I knew she would end up doing it. When I called her at out she got mad at me for acting the way I did.
I am very frustrated with this whole thing. We spent half of the day sending emails back and forth. All I really wanted was an apoligy for the way she treated me that night and she would not give me one.
You say it doesn't bother you, but you did bring it up, so it must bother you.
We always exchange gifts and give each other cards. She claimed that she was too busy to get me anything. If she had jsut gotten me the cards it would not have been so bothersome.
Oh boy! I had a similar situation that totally got blown out of proportion to the point where I no longer speak to one of my friends (well, she doesn't speak to me). Basically all 3 good girlfriends forgot my birthday. Not the end of the world but who likes that? A couple of weeks pass, they realize and have a dinner party. All good.
Then, they all have birthdays in the same month. 2 plan a party for the third and "host " it but let me know last minute and I can't go. The next one wants a very low key celebration, plans her own party but I knew we were going to a wedding, so I miss that ( oh, I send gifts to both.) Third one comes along and I am away on vacation. Offer to do something at my house, but for some reason, this is not good enough. It was so bizarre! She went on and on about how I must have been holding a grudge for months because they missed my b'day.. how she wasn't made to feel special... no mention, despite my repeated offers even during this lambasting, of my hosting something at my place. It was completely crazy. And she has not spoken to me since!
So.. the message is- birthdays are very sensetive times for some people.. but not everyone realizes it. That being said, I am with you on this and I think the people who bother to make a half way decent effort for my birthday show me they are good friends. This may be a very self centered and arbitrary determination but I know I don't like it much when they don't make a fuss. And I understand, on some level, my friend getting so upset but I really was out of town so there wasn't much I could do.
It seems to me that she's got some sort of passive-aggressive thing going on with you. Whatever her beef, you deserve better than this. I'm sorry! Maybe you can somehow come to terms with this and slowly let her go?
Sleepy Hollow Love
DS 3.09.06 and a new Pumpkin due in October!
That really sucks. I think you have every right to feel hurt, especially since she isn't willing to try to change something that hurts you so much. If you want to try to continue the friendship, maybe it would be best if you made a promise to yourself to only see her one on one, instead of in group settings or at parties.
I *had* a best friend like this until very recently. She was a great girl, a ton of fun when we hung out, and knows me better than pretty much anyone. But, whenever someone or something better came along, I was pushed to the side.
At her wedding, I was supposed to be her MOH. it was a small ceremony, and at the last second (and I mean last second...she had already walked down the aisle with her dad), she asked her DH's stepmom to stand next to her as her MOH. She also ignored me and her whole family at the reception. She had spent the previous week with her IL's, who happen to have a lot of money, and she was all about them that afternoon.
A few months later, she cheated on her DH (they have always had problems, so it wasn't a huge surprise). You had better believe she was on my phone and at my house everyday until she and her DH got stuff figured out. Then, she dissappeared.
Last month was my baby shower. My mom threw it, and my best friend offered to come over early and help set up. I called her the night before to see when she would be there. She said she was in a "bad mood" (read: fighting with DH), and didn't even know if she'd make it. Not only did she not show, she didn't call or anything. I haven't heard from her since.
Sorry this is soooooooooo long, but bottom line is, I have completely written her off. It sucks to write off 12+ years of freindship, but the truth is, no matter what the past was like, no matter what we had been through, I deserved to be treated better, and so do YOU! If I were you, I'd seriously consider a good distance from this girl.
Ethan 2/5/03 Kelly 11/25/05 Maddox 6/18/08
I have CDO. It's like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.
Did I over react?
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I think you have every right to feel hurt, especially since she isn't willing to try to change something that hurts you so much. If you want to try to continue the friendship, maybe it would be best if you made a promise to yourself to only see her one on one, instead of in group settings or at parties.
