Yes I am definitely happy he decided to go to counseling. My only concern now is that he will deliberately withhold information from our therapist. I am not sure how willing he will be to open up to a stranger completely, he barely wants to open up to me. But we shall see.
Hopefully, since he agreed to the counselling; he will be open and receptive to it when you go. I wish you all of the luck in the world.
This thread definitely reminded me how different men can be. During our first year of dating, I went from 120 to 150 pounds! DH (then my boyfriend) swears he didn't even notice and obviously, didn't care. I ended up losing the weight, but to this day; DH tells me he just wants me to eat what I want and be happy; he doesn't care what I weigh.
My only concern now is that he will deliberately withhold information from our therapist.
I think that will be hard to do with you there in the room. The thing about therapy is that if one of you is determined to be completely open and resolve issues, the other one simply has no place to hide and no way to withhold info. And believe me ... a good therapist will see if he tries and will call him on it. Not in a hostile or threatening way, but in a non-confrontational way designed to encourage communication.
Sha, I’m sorry that you’re having to go through this. Please know that you are by no means fat and are actually at a very healthy weight for your height. What your husband is doing to do you is very hurtful and I hope you can get to the bottom of why this is going on. Regardless of how he wants you to look, you should only do what makes you happy. If you’re happy with yourself and your body that’s all that counts, for trying to live up to someone else’s expectations is not the way to live, and could also possibly lead to unhealthy actions on your part and higher and higher expectations on his.
hi sha!! i am sorry you are going through this. i would suggest that you also see the counselor privately. he may be willing to open up with the counselor since he will be told that she can't tell you. most likely, she will advise him to do the right thing.
i also suggest reading dr. phil's "relationship rescue." my dh and i are reading and it has made a big, postive impact on our relationship. things are still not perfect but we are learning to listen to each other more.
also, don't feel bad about your tummy. i too gain weight in my tummy and it tends to make me feel fat eventhough i am not fat at all. oprah's trainer (can't remember his name) said that even if you are at the right weight you will still have fat in certain areas of your body. there is no amount of toning or exercise that will get rid of it. i felt much better after i heard that. though, i am still not happy with my pooch i accept it. plus, women are supposed to have 18% body fat. so, it is normal and healthy to have fat in certain areas of your body. i too have gained some weight since i met my dh, and he did show signs of disappointment with it. once i told him about the weight scale and health he has stopped talking about it. also, seeing a show about body builder women and how they go the extreme scale and have no more than 3% body fat cured him of wishing i had no fat on my belly.
i think they grow up with different experiences about what is considered the ideal woman. in my dh's family, the women are very skinny when they are young, so he tends to find very thin women attractive. as they aged, many of them got quite a bit bigger. i think he fears that i will get bigger like them.
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