I just wanted to post a little update:
I ordered "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "1-2-3 Magic" and I am just about 1/2 way through 1-2-3 Magic.
When I first posted I really truly thought my DD had emotional issues due to how our interactions would escalate into WWIII battles. After reading suggestions here, applying some of the techniques mentioned and reading 1/2 of 1-2-3 magic I have realized that it was ME that escalating the situations...not my DD. I have to say that the perspective I have gained so far from the book has been a real eye-opener. My DD loves bantering and arguing and I fed into hook line and sinker! Now, I just don't engage. So far although we have had instances were I have had to say NO and be firm she is not happy (just like before) I don't engage in the back and forth in an attempt to show control and thus escalate the situation. Instead...I show control and have control simply because I DO NOT engage and the situation is defused but the ultimate goal is still achieved.
Anyways...I am feeling way better and I actually enjoy being my daughter's mother I know it is not going to be easy going forward but I at least feel I have the ability to handle situations as they arise