I know this is probably an individualized situation, but know there are enough of us on the board who may have done the same or are actual DCP for other people's children to ask...
DS is 2.5. One half-day a week, we watch our neighbor's 3-yo so ideally the kids can play. In return, I send DS to her house for 4 hours another day during the week.
The girl comes and goes with how much maintenance she needs, i would say leaning towards 70% of the time she's pretty demanding of my attention. We're continuing the swap through the summer. I am due mid-september and will be on maternity leave for about 8 weeks, however DH will not be home during this time. So I'll have a baby + DS to manage on my own anyway.
The neighbor mom wants to know if I can commit to a 6 hour day once or twice a week during this time so she can work. I feel at best, it actually would work to give me a break if the two tots play, and I can more deal with our infant. At worst, I think it would be an absolute nightmare, if I've got 2 of my own + 1 borrowed clamoring on me. I would hate to leave her high and dry if it doesn't work out.
I know our kids could change a lot in how they interact in the next few months and we should have a better feel of their rhythm by July or so. But my question for annyone who watches other kids or er, had a toddler while dealing with a newborn what do you think about having another child around so early on? Does it sound like a terrible wild-card of things that could happen? When DS1 was born, we could just let the world stop and revolve around him as an infant. But I guess I feel like DS1 is going to be around now with needs to be met, what's another one? Thoughs?
She'd be his wife and make him her husband 5/03Ds1 12/22/09...Ds2 8/31/12
I personally would not to commit to that. Trading play dates for some free time is great and if you can continue it, fantastic! But babysitting so the mom can go to a job, which requires reliability, no way!
Would the mom return the favor with a 6 hour play date once a twice a week where she watches the children? If yes, that might be tempting. If no, not sure why this is a benefit to you. Would she be paying you?
I would only do this if you are feeling very comfortable about taking care of a newborn, your toddler plus 1. How is your DS? Is he easy going or does he tend to be a bit more demanding? Remember, when you bring the new baby home, your DS may regress in some areas and act out a little bit.
I'd probably lean towards the no side of it. Your family dynamics will be changing quite a bit and you may need some time to familiarize yourself with the baby and get a routine established. However, if your DS is relatively low maintanence and the 2 children play well together you may welcome having the other child to help occupy your DS. I wonder if there is anyway that you could commit to that, say when the baby is a few weeks old rather than right from the very beginning?
I'm thinking yes.... but with caveats (I guess is the word).
Talk with the friend and make sure you and her have a consistent communication to the little girl about what it means to have a new baby around. Is this girl an only child? If she doesn't have to share attention, she likely doesn't "get it" and always wants adult interaction. ODD was like that - she would not let DH have a moment of peace during the day!
While I was due with YDD, we started talking to her about how things will be different, but certain things would be the same (we'd love her, etc). We practiced carrying around a baby (okay, ODD carried it for about 10 seconds and then abandoned it) but we started to make ODD wait for things - her milk, a snack, etc. We'd get it - just not immediately. She'd wait a minute or so.
If you and this other mom can get on the same page, and do things consistently between the two houses, I'd say the girls clingy-ness will wane and it will make it a bit easier.
Definitely going from 1 to 2 kids is hard! But, you sort of "have" two kids now. You are already "dividing and conquoring" so to speak. But, if you start the prep work now, I think you could manage to do a newborn plus your toddler plus that other girl for a few hours a week. And, I'm sure she acts like that at home - I'm betting her parents would like a little less cling from her too.
And then those few hours where your DS goes to her house will be heaven
I should say this started about a year ago so the mom could work (she's a PT college professor). I WFH, so usually worked when DS was at their house. When her classes got cancelled this spring, we decided to keep up the swap for mutal benefit. DS would be at her house hour for hour absolutely. With their schedule though, I don't know that realistically she could take him 'back' for 12 hours a week so that is a good point. I'm leaning towards doing it for one day only and yeah, might not be up to it right after birth.
I want to stay open to this because when I go back to work, I'll need some help with childcare. DH usually watches DS while I work, but DH is going FT to school for a semester and until he gets on his normal work schedule, I'll need to cobble something together.
To broadly label them, they are professors/artists. I would say they are pretty AP to the core. Our households share some 'natural lifestyle' principles, but we definitely are more structured and demanding (for lack of a better word) on DS expectations. We do make DS wait for stuff or tell him to play on his own. It is really obvious, but it didn't occur to me to think about prepping this little girl for a baby's arrival in our house. I think over this summer we can work on two things: the actual physical concept of having a new baby in house, and closely paying attention to their autonomy and pushing them to interact better together and without me being able to step in at times.
She'd be his wife and make him her husband 5/03Ds1 12/22/09...Ds2 8/31/12
HK I have found that as mine get older they play much better together. DS1 is 4 (Feb) and DS2 is 2.5. I'm thinking that if you worked on getting the girl a bit more independant while in your care you may be able to work it out.
I'm 2 1/2 weeks pp and still don't feel great. In fact, I'm still very sore and haven't watched my 3 kids alone yet. This is #3, so I was expecting to feel better. Personally, I'd say no or maybe only agree to 1 day. 2 days would just be wayyyyy too much for me right now.
I'm 2 1/2 weeks pp and still don't feel great. In fact, I'm still very sore and haven't watched my 3 kids alone yet. This is #3, so I was expecting to feel better. Personally, I'd say no or maybe only agree to 1 day. 2 days would just be wayyyyy too much for me right now.
ITA with Pookie. After I had my third I wasn't alone with all 3 kids until about 3 weeks or so. I wasn't sore after the first week but still couldn't move around as fast as the boys needed me to. They were very demanding and even acted out some which DH handled for me (he took them places and got them out of the house so I could rest). If it were me, I wouldn't do it. Or at least not right away.
I wouldn't commit to it. If you end up with a very demanding baby, you'll have more than enough caring for DS1.
I had DD2 when DD1 was 5, which should've made things easy for me. But DD2 was (is?) a pretty challenging baby, I can't picture having had to care for an extra child during those days.
Watching another preschooler while on mat. leave?
what do you think about having another child around so early on? Does it sound like a terrible wild-card of things that could happen? When DS1 was born, we could just let the world stop and revolve around him as an infant. But I guess I feel like DS1 is going to be around now with needs to be met, what's another one? Thoughs?
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But, if you start the prep work now, I think you could manage to do a newborn plus your toddler plus that other girl for a few hours a week. And, I'm sure she acts like that at home - I'm betting her parents would like a little less cling from her too. 
Originally Posted by Pookie
