I don't think confronting him is a good idea because he would probably be really upset to find that you snooped and he would be caught off guard and wouldn't know what to say other than that this was just a joke. So I don't see that leading to anything productive. What I would do is take an honest look at your situation and see if there is maybe some truth to what your DH is saying about not having any free time. If you're a SAHM, do you expect your DH to take over taking care of the kids when he comes home from work so you can have time to yourself? Is he still expected to do a bunch of houselhold chores and take care of the yard, the pets, the home maintenance etc? On the week ends, is he expected to have "family time" to where he gets dragged to the zoo, the children's museum, birthday parties etc? In other words, does he have free time or is what he told his friend pretty much true? If you find your DH really doesn't have a lot of free time I would try and work on that situation.
I think there is certainly some truth to this, but I also wanted to say that my husband's perception of "free time" = our life pre-kids. In other words, it is something almost all but unattainable in the life we have now. He bemoans it semi-often, but there isn't much I'm willing or able to do to facilitate it happening. That makes him sound like a bad person, he really isn't, my point is just that his perception of "free time" is completely different than mine and mostly unrealistic in our current life.
My DH "complains" jokingly with his friends all the time about being married. In reality, I know that he loves being married and loves the life that we have created. Do we sometimes wish things were different, of course. Do we sometimes want a little more free time, heck yeah. A text like that honestly wouldn't bother me much.
That being said, if it's really bothering you, how about talking with your husband about marriage and what you guys could do to make it better. You don't have to bring up the text...but more of a "if you could improve a few things in our marriage, what would they be" kinda talk. My DH and I have these regularly (often on date night after a few drinks) and sometimes the answers we get from eachother are quite surprising As long as the lines of communication are open then I think you are doing just fine.
Kristen & Jason 5/19/06
Our Peanut has arrived 5/20/09
My husband has "accidentally" read my LJ. Had I vented and said things I didn't really mean? You betcha. Had I posted things about him that were unflattering? Check. Did I really mean it? Nope. It was just me in my safe place, venting about things that were happening at the time. I certainly don't think DH is some kind of jerk.
I'll be honest, it's taken years to build the trust back up between us, and I know that LJ is not a safe place for me anymore. He's lost my trust and I've lost a place for me to hash out my thoughts. Lose lose for both of us.
So in your case, I highly recommend not saying anything to your husband about the texts. I'm sure that like me, he was joking/venting/thinking things through. To confront him about the texts will not serve any real purpose.
If it was me who found the text on my husbands phone - I would confront him. It would bother me that badly that I would want to discuss it and move forward. I cannot imagine my husband ever telling a friend "If you learn one thing from me, let it be don't get married." If he did say that I would be very upset that it seems he is not happy w/ the life we have created together and seems to regret it. Could it be a joke? Yes, and maybe it is, but I would need to make sure or it would continue to bother me for a long time.
I did not confront him. I asked him about it in more of a roundabout way - I asked if he was happy, if there was anything that we could change to make him happier, etc. He swears that he is fine, so what else can I do?
I did not confront him. I asked him about it in more of a roundabout way - I asked if he was happy, if there was anything that we could change to make him happier, etc. He swears that he is fine, so what else can I do?
I think you did all you can.
I don't know him but I joke to my friends all the time "never get married" and stuff like that. If I was actually unhappy I'd talk to my husband about it or tell my friends serious things. I wouldn't worry too much.
Why do people kill people who kill people to show people that to kill people - is bad?
I thought of this thread the other day when I had a very inappropriate conversation with my BFF via txt. If my husband read it, he would have been horrified. I was basically joking about how we decided to cut back on some extra spending to beef up our savings plan and how I'd have to steal her new boyfriend because he makes an excellent living and spends lavishly. We both got inappropriate in the conversation. It still makes me giggle thinking about it because no one gets my sick humor like BFF. If DH read it and took it the wrong way he'd probably be devastated.
Chloe 8/2010 Oliver 7/2012
At the beach life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour, but mood to moment.
We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.
Originally Posted by dragonfly_71
Reply With Quote
