1+1= Done!

[jesseybell]

I didn't think going from 0-1 or 1-2 was easier or harder. They were just different. With 0-1 there was the loss of freedom of dropping everything and going to a movie or dinner at the last second. And it was also harder because I had no idea what I was doing. But if I needed a break, I could leave DD with DH and I could go do something for myself.

Going from 1-2 I was so much more relaxed because I knew what I was doing. And the recovery from the c/s was so much easier because I knew what to expect (plus it was a planned c/s versus a c/s after 21 hours of labor and 2 1/2 hours of pushing). BUT not being able to rest in the evening/ weekends when DS was sleeping because I needed to help take care of DD was SO hard. DD stopped napping when DS came home from the hospital (she was 2y7m) and she would get woken up at 6 am when he would get up to eat, but he would go back to sleepi until 8-9 o'clock and she would be up. I felt like I was so much more tired with DS.

Also the noise level in our house is so loud! DS is approaching the same age as DD was when he was born and I don't think she yelled and screamed on her own - they feed off of each other. I can't imagine the noise level with one more. DH and I are constantly saying that we are now a sitcom with the kids running around and yelling before dinner. I would go completely insane with one more voice added to the noise level.

[magrat]

And when I go to play dates or meet up with friends for lunch with kids in tow, there is no longer conversation. I have to give DD1 her food, give DD2 her food, fix what was wrong with DD1s food, pick up what DD2 just dropped, remind DD1 to sit politely even thought she's finished, take away the food DD2 has decided would look good in my lap, redirect DD1 to a game on the iphone, stop DD2 from having a fit because DD1 has the iphone, take DD1 to the bathroom with DD2 in tow, take DD2 to the bathroom with DD1 in tow, take myself to the bathroom with both kids in tow, wash rinse repeat.

Oh man, I know what that's like. I did *so many* playdates when DD1 was a baby, and made a lot of good friends that way. We'd let them sit on the rug and shake their rattles and it was so nice. Now it's like you say, but at least we're all in the same boat. The hardest part for me going from 1 to 2 was being trapped in the house for a year because DS needed his naps. I refused to make him nap on the run because that's what I did with DD and she was a horrible sleeper. So we stayed home most of the time, and coupled with the hardest winter in my memory...well, it wasn't easy. DD was 2 and 9 months when DS was born and she was just starting to become easy to take out, and I really missed out on letting her be my lunch buddy and taking her places. She also is still completely uninterested in her brother, so I don't have the benefit of them playing together and entertaining each other.

Well, I'm still on the fence about a third, but I'm sure finding your comments interesting and helpful (really it would be best if I can come to terms with 2 and done).

[Alegna]

I'm sitting here reading this shaking my head in agreement on so many points.

I enjoyed being pregnant, somedays I do miss it. DD1 was such an easy baby. For a while after she was born I thought I might want three. Then DD2 came along. TOTALLY different. She's just not a very happy baby. While I'd love to try for a boy I don't think I could take the risk of having another one like DD2.

0 to 1 wasn't a big deal for us, we just put her in the car and took her with us. Dinner, party, park, whatever. She didn't care. 1 to 2 was a major change. They don't nap at the same times so I'm always tired. I really miss MY afternoon naps.

... for lunch with kids in tow, there is no longer conversation. I have to give DD1 her food, give DD2 her food, fix what was wrong with DD1s food, pick up what DD2 just dropped, remind DD1 to sit politely even thought she's finished, take away the food DD2 has decided would look good in my lap, redirect DD1 to a game on the iphone, stop DD2 from having a fit because DD1 has the iphone, take DD1 to the bathroom with DD2 in tow, take DD2 to the bathroom with DD1 in tow, take myself to the bathroom with both kids in tow, wash rinse repeat.

You just described almost every dinner for my family. Throw in a few musical chairs cause DD2 wants to sit with DH now, or wait, now she wants to sit with me.

Taking DD1 somewhere is now a logistical nightmare. For example dance class. I spend the entire 45 minutes chasing DD2 up and down the hall, stopping her from getting into things and trying to keep her from screaming at the top of her lungs. Luckily my mom is nearby and is willing to watch DD2 for the hour or so that's needed for DD1 to do activities.

That's one reason I picked the preschool I did. They do field trips twice a week to places that I just couldn't imagine taking both kids to right now. The zoo, Childrens Discovery Mesuem, movies, etc. DD1 gets to experience all this fun stuff that I just can't give her personally right now.

And quite frankly I don't think we could afford another. The older they get the more expensive they seem to be getting. There's less diapers but more activities, toys, clothes, food and school. I already feel guilty knowing that we won't be able to pay for their college. We'll have some saved up but I'm sure with the way tuition has been going up the little we have won't amount to much in 13+ years.

[taffers]

Good examples boiler.

0 to 1 wasn't a big deal for us, we just put her in the car and took her with us. Dinner, party, park, whatever. She didn't care. 1 to 2 was a major change.

Yup...I didn't feel really any loss of freedom with DD. We take her out to dinner/happy hour, whatever. I'll leave for almost the entire day on the weekends, and DH will happily take care of DD all day. I *know* that won't happen with two.

I think I'm also really scared about the awful second child...DD has been so easy and such a joy...I know we're going to get a monster for the second!!! Especially since it's a boy. I need therapy.

[littlemia]

Barring something tragic, this baby will be our last. DH is definitely done. He will be getting a vasectomy to make sure he fathers no more children. While I couldn't make such a final decision to sterilize myself, I know that two is my limit. I don't like chaos and I don't deal well with a lot of stress so a small family is best for me, I think.

[cr8zyforaf]

0 to 1 wasn't a big deal for us, we just put her in the car and took her with us. Dinner, party, park, whatever. She didn't care. 1 to 2 was a major change.

God I wish I had a kid like this. My first was colicky, never slept, and screamed for almost a year. I had the freedom carpet ripped out from my feet in a dramatic way. And I really did try to take her places but it was just so awful. And babysitters, forget about it - she wasn't having any of that. NO ONE could get her to sleep but me. Uggg, just thinking about it makes me sick. She is still very difficult at almost 6.

1 to 2 wasn't as dramatic and DD#2 is easy compared to her sister, but now it is constant...there is NO down time. And I am constantly breaking up fights, trying to decide which side to take - it is all exhausting. 3 would break me for sure, especially if it turned out to be another girl.

[boilermaker]

Yup...I didn't feel really any loss of freedom with DD. We take her out to dinner/happy hour, whatever. I'll leave for almost the entire day on the weekends, and DH will happily take care of DD all day. I *know* that won't happen with two.

I think I'm also really scared about the awful second child...DD has been so easy and such a joy...I know we're going to get a monster for the second!!! Especially since it's a boy. I need therapy.

Both of my girls are actually super easy, adaptable, laid back kids. So we have been able to take them to many many places with us. And I have a fantastic sitter, and another on back up. And a neighbor who I trade off kid time with. And I still struggle to keep it all together. All I can figure out is that it is either really hard or I just suck at parenting.

I often tell DH during a massive breakdown (me, not DDs) that this is the first thing I've done in life where it didn't come easy, isn't logical, etc. Is it joyous, absolutely but damn it's just HARD!

[MichelleRenee]

For me the difficult adjustment to having my first kid wasn't about him being a difficult baby (DS was actually easier than DD as a baby) - but was more because I am a control freak. It was really hard to accept that I just wouldn't be able to control some things. By the time DD was born I was used to not having control, so even though she was a more difficult baby and it was harder to go out and do things with her, my personal adjustment to having her was easier than my adjustment to having DS.

[jodylovesscotty]

I thought it was much harder to go from 0-1 than 1-2. I think I am like MichelleRenee, I wanted it to be a perfect scheduled affair and I tried to do everything by the clock. DD#1 was a very easy child so I think it was just my own issues that made it harder than it had to be. DD#2 is such an easy baby too. She goes with the flow and I learned how to do that too. I think that made it much easier for me. Also, both of my children have been excellent sleepers (STTN at 6-8 weeks) so I think that helps too!

[amew]

I agree that going from 1-2 essentially wiped out any remaining shred of free time that we had managed to hold onto, so in that sense it was tough. I think most of the reason I found it easier than going from 0-1 had to do with life circumstances that were unique to us and really had little to do with DS.