1+1= Done!

[scarlett]

We had always planned on two, so when the second came we knew we were done. I was not a fan of being pregnant and am really not a fan of infants either. A friend had a baby 18 months ago and I have only recently started interacting with the baby because infants just don't do anything for me.

Last year at my gyn appt, the dr couldn't find the strings to my IUD and sent me for an u/s to make sure it was still in place. For the 2 weeks between the appointments, I was a nervous wreck thinking I could get pg and what an upset to our life plans it would be to have another baby. If I hadn't known before than that we were done, that would have been a major clue, and served to reinforce our decision.

DS is 5.5 and DD is 3.5 and we're in a good place. We're going shopping today for school clothes and it does make me a little sad to think I'll have to buy DD size 4T. But it's more of a "where has the time gone?" sadness than a "want a baby" sadness.

[cr8zyforaf]

Two and done. I absolutely hate being pregnant, I am so sick I can hardly function and my DH runs a business so I am alone with the kids most of the time. I have a great career that I feel is finally back on track after 5 years of infant/baby haze. My DD#1 will be 6 in Sept and DD#2 will be 3 in October. I am done with diapers and cribs and it makes me giddy (although I also have that sad 'where has the time gone' rather than 'I am so sad I do not have a baby').

I could have been talked into a third a year ago, but was really scared I would end up with another girl (my girls are both high maintenance and very demanding). I REALLY wanted a boy, and I was sad when I found out DD#2 was a girl (very happy she was healthy but I knew in my heart she was my last and I realized I would never have my little boy). Now that I am past the diapers, bottles, crib, and napping (I can get through the day without a nap for the youngest and it isn't a huge disaster) I don't want to go back. Neither of my kids slept (they still aren't great sleepers) and I am glad to be getting some of my life back.

DD#1 starts kindergarten and while I am slightly sad that her first 6 years went by in a blink of an eye, I am very excited to start this stage of life with her. If I was pregnant, or had an infant, I would be distracted.

[boilermaker]

We are 95% sure we are finished at 2. To be honest, I always thought I would have 4 and could prob talk DH into a 3rd with little effort but for now I think we are done. We are not doing anything at this point to permanently close the door and I'm not sure we ever will since adoption would always be a possibility should we find ourselves in a different place down the road.

For me, I feel like 2 is all I can handle and not lose myself. It's not about money and college funds and whether I'd love them or not. But I'll be the first to admit that parenting does not come easy/effortless to me. I have to work at being what I perceive to be a great mom (because I'm not OK just being an OK mom). I struggle now with 2 to not lose my patience and fall into yelling and poor discipline. I struggle with 2 to make sure I get even just 15 min of quality one on one time each day with each of my daughters. I also very much struggle with keeping my house clean, the laundry done, the errands run, work, school, activities, nap time, exercise, cooking right, date nights, volunteering, etc.

I also do not particularly care for being pg. I get PPA during pg and it's a tough 9 months. Combined with the fact that my body did not rebound well from DD2 (despite losing the weight pretty easily). And my kids don't sleep either. My first didn't STTN until 2.5. My second is still all over the board at 18m. She was up 4 times last night. So I know if I had more, it would be 2 more years of massive sleep deprivation.

I know what the benefits of a big family are, I am one of 6. And there are a ton of benefits, though I would argue that most of the benefits occur later, when kids grow. But I also know the drawbacks. Our home was certainly filled with love and support and built in playmates and best friends. We were not wealthy by any means but we had more than the basics. More than some friends, less than some friends. But what we also had were 2 parents pulled in 6 directions. Balancing whose event/game/concert to go to when they 4 going on the same evening. Balancing discipline and rewards for 6 very different kids who could not be raised 100% the same because we were 6 different children. Even now as adults, the 6 of us are very very close, and we all are close with our parents. There are no dysfunctional relationships, but there is work to balance things like holidays and time with the grandparents. I too lurk in the 3+ thread and shake my head when people post that it does get easier because I don't understand it. My experience growing up was that it got easier until you had 2-3 in school, then it was harder than ever! My mother fully admits that she couldn't handle parenting 6 kids and that it still has a very tough toll on her. Not that she doesn't love each of us, but that her life would likely have turned out much differently and more suited to her personality had she had less children.

Sorry if this post seems random. I still really struggle with whether we are done or not. I'm trying to talk myself into it I think.

Lastly, in regards to going from 0-1 and then 1-2, I had the complete opposite as previous posters. 0-1 was a big change, but going from 1-2 has been 1000000x harder for me. Even with DD2 being 18m old, I have yet to figure it all out.

[Grenouille]

I know what the benefits of a big family are, I am one of 6. And there are a ton of benefits, though I would argue that most of the benefits occur later, when kids grow. But I also know the drawbacks. Our home was certainly filled with love and support and built in playmates and best friends. We were not wealthy by any means but we had more than the basics. More than some friends, less than some friends. But what we also had were 2 parents pulled in 6 directions. Balancing whose event/game/concert to go to when they 4 going on the same evening. Balancing discipline and rewards for 6 very different kids who could not be raised 100% the same because we were 6 different children. Even now as adults, the 6 of us are very very close, and we all are close with our parents. There are no dysfunctional relationships, but there is work to balance things like holidays and time with the grandparents. I too lurk in the 3+ thread and shake my head when people post that it does get easier because I don't understand it. My experience growing up was that it got easier until you had 2-3 in school, then it was harder than ever! My mother fully admits that she couldn't handle parenting 6 kids and that it still has a very tough toll on her. Not that she doesn't love each of us, but that her life would likely have turned out much differently and more suited to her personality had she had less children.

As a parent of 2 school age children, I can confirm this 100%. When you have 2 parent nights occurring simultaneously, 2 Halloween parties occurring simultaneously, 2 holiday parties/assemblies at the same time, or a birthday party for 1 kid's BFF at the same time as a baseball game for the other kid, or a field trip for one on the same day as the end of year picnic for the other, or when one desperately wants to take an art class that conflicts with the soccer practice of the other kid, it gets really hard. When you have 2 kids and 2 parents you can each take a kid to their activity/party/etc. but when there are more kids than parents, one kid doesn't get to have a parent present. After seeing the look on my kids' faces when they saw me at Parent's Day at camp, I'm glad that I can be there (or that their dad can be there) for the important parts of their lives. Sure, they'd get over it if we couldn't, but I'd have a hard time telling one child that we couldn't attend their event because we were going to the other kids' events instead. Honestly, having 2 kids in school is a really big challenge for me (but it is worse for me because they are in 2 different schools). I often find myself thinking "Thank goodness there are only 2 of them, not 3!"

[boilermaker]

My closest sister has 3 kids and she called yesterday very upset over her school situation. And her youngest is only 2, so it's just between the 2 older ones. She is very pulled in meeting her 2 school age kids individual needs. They do not align, but she can't manage the logistics of them being in separate schools. So one kid is going to have to suffer and she's trying to decide which one makes the sacrifice. If you have to make those decisions based on two kids, I can only imagine what happens with 3, 4, and more!

I experienced it first hand. My parents needed to move out of the town I grew up in. It was going downhill, the schools were going downhill, my mom took a new job with a long commute, etc. I didn't find out how much thought they put into the move until last year when my Dad gave me the details (during a conversation on deciding what is right for the family vs right for the child). They moved the summer before I started my senior year of high school. Because they felt of all their kids, I would be able to adapt better than if they did the move at a different time. As an adult, knowing my siblings, I agree 100% with their choice now but boy did it suck for me at the time.

[Red'sGirl]

It's interesting to hear how many of us did not have "glowing" pregnancies. I'm sure that contributes a little to not having another. But I went into pg #2 also knowing that I'd be pretty miserable, and I did it anyways because I really wanted a second child. IF I really wanted a third, I would do it. But I add up all the other things and I know - it's two and out. We pretty much HAVE to do private schools (the schools in the area aren't good), so two tuitions. But also, the extra classes, etc. Ballet, tap, swimming, art - for both! We need a second mortgage just for classes. And we don't have to do them, but I want them to experience different things now, so they can find what they love. And two different drop offs? Really sucks. This is our last year of that, and life will be so much better when DD and DS are in the same school.

And I'll be honest. I can't take another year or two without sleep. DS has STTN for a long time now (DD is 6, DS is 3) and I still feel like I'm catching up. He's finally out of diapers and we no longer have to do the "we're about out of diapers" dash to the store. And they have BIG personalities. I'd like to believe our third would be a lovely, mild child - but probably not. And if s/he were mild, the other two would probably eat him/her for lunch. :-)

[taffers]

I'm also in the HATE being pregnant camp...and the first 16 weeks of this one have been much worse than the last, although I'm hoping the end will be much better.

Lastly, in regards to going from 0-1 and then 1-2, I had the complete opposite as previous posters. 0-1 was a big change, but going from 1-2 has been 1000000x harder for me. Even with DD2 being 18m old, I have yet to figure it all out.

It's nice to hear so many people thought going from 1 to 2 was easier, but I think I may be like you boiler. My bff just had her second 3 months ago, and she and I are very similar, and she has found going from 1 to 2 much harder than 0 to 1. I think with me, the tough part will be the loss of freedom/time. It's so easy to have alone time, girlfriend time, DH time, do vacations, etc. with one, and I just don't see that as being the case with two...I know it's not the case based on 100% of my friends' representations!

[boilermaker]

That is exactly it taffers! And for me having bad sleepers, with just one, I could "sleep when the baby sleeps" and it was fine. But with DD2, I am sleep deprived and I get no naps since I still have DD1 to take care of. I also can't run with both kids. I tried a double jogger but OMG, no freaking way could I do that with 50+ pounds of kids. So my whole workout schedule had to change. I look forward to next year when DD1 can ride her bike while I run with DD2 in the jogger. And when I go to play dates or meet up with friends for lunch with kids in tow, there is no longer conversation. I have to give DD1 her food, give DD2 her food, fix what was wrong with DD1s food, pick up what DD2 just dropped, remind DD1 to sit politely even thought she's finished, take away the food DD2 has decided would look good in my lap, redirect DD1 to a game on the iphone, stop DD2 from having a fit because DD1 has the iphone, take DD1 to the bathroom with DD2 in tow, take DD2 to the bathroom with DD1 in tow, take myself to the bathroom with both kids in tow, wash rinse repeat. If I was ok with staying home, it would be fine but I don't have that personality.

[off2skl]

We are expecting #2 and while I don't want to make any permanent decisions right now, this is probably it. We're older (35 and 42) and my pregnancies are high risk. If circumstances were different maybe we'd go for a 3rd, but I don't see that really being an option.

[Ohana]

We are also 2 and done. Initially, we got a lot of pressure to have more, but I never felt tempted. The minute they put DD2 on my chest, I knew our family was complete.

For us, though, there were a variety of reasons we decided to stop at 2. DH is 10 years older than me, and since our plans include having him retire at 60 (when DD1 is just starting college and DD2 is in HS), we knew we couldn't afford to have a third and stick with our plan. We also could not afford to have more than 2 is daycare at any given time. I also had tough pregnancies and didn't want to go through that again! Everything just seemed to point to having 2. We are very happy with how our family ended up, and just ignore the jerks who tell us we should try for a son or have 3 because financially stable college educated couples should be having more kids.