We currently live in a house in a country setting with our 5 year old son. We have lived here since before DS was born so this is the only lifestyle he knows. The neighborhood is very nice, we are on a cul-de-sac where DS can ride his bike and we have a fairly good sized backyard. DS loves it here. DH and I... well not so much. Before we got married DH and I lived in the city and we loved it. Recently we have been spending a lot of time doing activities in the city and we have started to kick around the idea of selling our home and moving back into the city. We would be a lot closer to all of DH's relatives where it would be easy to drop DS off with MIL or SIL so we could have an evening out. We don't know exactly where we would want to live (downtown or another section of town) but we are looking for a distinctly urban setting where we would either rent a condo or a townhouse. This week end we spent the day at a children's museum downtown, then had dinner at an awesome upscale mall and it just reminded us of how much we loved to be in the hustle and bustle even on a week end. We often read in the paper about events like movies at the park etc that we would love to attend but then we would have to deal with an hour drive home. We are imagining that city dwelling would be perfect and fun for us. However, when I mentioned this idea to a couple of my friends they thought we were crazy. They were asking me if I realized that usually people move out of the city and into a house in the country when their children start to get older, not the other way round. So my question is, do any of you have experience living in an urban setting with a small child? Would you recommend it or do you think we are just way off with how we imagine this new lifestyle would be?
I live in a suburban setting but both my sisters live in Manhattan with their husbands and three sons (ages 4-9), and they wouldn't want it any other way. They've lived there for the boys' whole lives and though I think my sister with two boys would consider eventually moving out of the city (and has mentioned it once or twice), they take full advantage of city/urban life, and love every minute of it. The boys enjoy it, too. We grew up in NYC (Queens) and while I hated it, and went away to college, and have lived in Boston now for 14 years (first in a more urban setting and now suburban with two young girls) and want to continue with the suburban life, they would never consider this life for themselves.
So I think you could make it work, and work well, but it's expensive, and I guess I would say to be willing to try it for a few years and then move back if you don't love it as much as you think you would. I think it would be great for your son, though - and having family closer, too!
I guess I would first determine what your day to day activities would be like. How your DS will burn off all his energy if he can't ride his bike or run around a backyard, what school will be like, what he will do when he gets home from school. How much freedom you think you'll be comfortable with him having at different ages. Those sorts of things. If you can really picture it all, I don't think I see any problem. There is a lot of variation in between urban and rural though. We live in an urban (for MN) setting, but we still have a small yard and are on a quiet street. Personally, I think a condo would be hard because you'll have to commit to spending a lot of time at parks if you don't have any sort of yard. And I know my children will be able to play in the yard by themselves a long time before they'll be able to go to the park by themselves.
Eve Eleanor arrived June 5, 2007
Graham Alexander arrived February 27, 2010
We moved out of the city (NYC) to a more suburban setting (Austin). We just couldn't provide the kind of life our daughter needs. She thrives from being outdoors and nature, and we just couldn't provide her that in a city setting. We have loved having a house big enough where she can run indoors, dance, have "parades", and host great playdates. We like having more extra money which we wouldn't have had staying in the city. I love how easy it is park a car. She has gotten to the age where she just loves to play in the backyard and help me garden. She has started playing with other kids in the evening in the front yards which we couldn't do in a city setting.
I have a friend who lives in the city with her family. She lives right next to a park and goes there most days rain or shine so she can accomodate an active boy lifestyle. She has her son signed up for various mommy and me activities, so she doesn't feel cooped up in a small apartment all day long.
I think we live in the same area (judging from your signature...but not sure if the downtown you're talking about would be Tampa or St. Pete). My husband works for a museum downtown (Tampa), and we live in a pretty suburban area only about 10 minutes from downtown. Would you consider a close-in neighborhood instead of a condo/apt actually in the downtown area? We moved here from another state about 1.5 years ago, so I don't have a great frame of reference...but we really like that we can take advantage of the "city" (museums, plays, parks, restaurants) and still live in a quiet, relaxed neighborhood with a yard for our son and our big dog.
If you're talking about urban living with kids in general, I think for me personally it would be very hard, especially with an older, active kid. We lived in a small apartment in a FABULOUS neighborhood in a big city (LA) until we moved here, and even though DS was only a baby it was difficult containing a crawling baby in such a crowded living space. We did love all that our neighborhood had to offer, but I think overall it is much better (in my opinion) for our family to have a house with a yard and some room to roam.
I live in a city with two young boys, 4 and 1. We love it. The only thing I would move out of the city for are the schools, but I don't foresee it being a problem until middle school, and I'm hoping things change by then.
We definitely spend a lot of time at the parks, and there are lots around. It's a social activity for all of us though. DS plays with his friends and I socialize with other parents. Plus, we have no yard to mow! DS rides his bike or scooter on errands on the weekend to get to the library or the market. Other than taking my younger DS to daycare, we are rarely in the car. I consider this a huge plus.
DH and I both work outside of the home and living in the city gives us short commutes. On the weekends, I'm not usually disappointed that I can't just send DS into the backyard, but if I were a SAHM I might feel differently over the course of the week. I've only ever been an urban mom, and I have a hard time picturing being a suburban mom, although I realize for most people that's the norm.
I grew up in one of the largest cities in the country, and am raising my kids in the same city. I can't imagine living anywhere else, as I feel like my kids would miss out on way too much. I tried living in suburbia for 18 months and HATED it- it felt like living in a vacuum. We "burn off energy" as a family, by going for bike rides, going for walks, walking or using public transit (which involves a lot of walking to/from stops) from point A to point B, going to museums, going to the park, etc. The city is our back yard.
I love that we don't have to drive much. I drive only when it is way too cold, way too complicated to take public transit or walk, or when I am doing a big grocery run, etc. I put gas in my car every 4-6 weeks.
We live in a small town house that has a central courtyard. Some of our neighbors have kids, and they all play together in the shared courtyard. The moms hang out (and many of the kid-free neighbors join us on nice days) and drink wine and/or snack and chat while the kids play. Sometimes we trade off watching the kids so we can tend to dinner, or something. On warm summer nights we will stay out until 9pm, all of us outside socializing and enjoying the evening. I can't imagine anything better for my kids and I than living where we do!
I recommend finding a parents group in your area and talking to the moms and dads there to see whether there are any specific issues for parents in your area. Talk to them about kid-friendly neighborhoods, schools, etc. You'll probably get some good info that way.
Thanks for the input. The city we are considering would be Tampa (or possibly downtown St. Pete) so it would not be as cool as NYC. If I had the opportunity to live there I would not hesitate for a minute. We know that our cost of living would go up if we made the move but we are okay with that. I have to clarify a couple of things. Even now at 5 we never let DS go outside by himself. The neighborhood is very quiet and we are in the back of the subdivision where there is very little traffic BUT most of the people living here are senior citizens and many of them can't see or hear very well so I am always nervous when DS rides his bike outside. Either DH or I are always out there with him. Our backyard is not fenced in and it borders on a cypress swamp (no fences allowed based on deed restrictions). It is beautiful and there is a lot of space but also not a safe setting to just let DS run by himself while I cook dinner etc. I also forgot to mention that neither DH nor I really enjoy homeowner ship and all the maintenance that comes with it. We already hire people to do pretty much all the yard work but even just having to find someone each time the driveway needs to be pressure washed or the beds need to be mulched exhausts us. That is where the idea of a condo came from. No outside maintenance. I think part of the issue is that we both would really like to be rid of the burden of owning a home. We bought the house almost ten years ago before all the craziness started so we paid very little for it and don't have much of a mortgage. But here in FL the main cost of homeownership is not the house itself but homeowners insurance, flood insurance, and property taxes. All the stuff that keeps going on after you pay off your mortgage.
We do spend a lot of time at parks and playgrounds right now. I actually prefer that over sitting in a lawn chair in my driveway while DS plays. School is another issue. Our current school district is not great. The elementary school we are zoned for is pretty crappy. We are right now waiting to find out if DS got into the charter school we put in for. If he did then that would be one less worry right now. I agree that we definitely need to check out the school district wherever we would consider moving. As far as day to day activities, that is what I have a hard time picturing. I think we would find plenty to do, we are on the go a lot now too but that is also something that could get old quickly if you always have to come home to a small space.
ETA: I cross posted with some of you. I would absolutely love to live in a major city like NYC where I wouldn't need a car and could just rely on public transportation. The setting we are considering isn't nearly as cool any way you slice it and we would still need to maintain two cars, but I think we would really like just being "in the middle of things" again. Another thing that is probably not so great when moving to a smaller space is that both DH and I work from home right now. If we lived in a smaller space one of us would probably need to start working at the office again.
Last edited by dragonfly_71; 04-04-2011 at 07:22 PM.
Seriously, PM me if you want to talk about this more -- we are in S. Tampa and I'm more than happy to share about our experience here more...schools included (I work in public education and we also did a lot of research before moving here). FWIW, I think I prefer St. Pete to Tampa overall but we wanted to live on this side b/c of my husband's work...and also because in general, S. Tampa schools are better than those in Pinellas (which is where I work).
A year and a half ago, we moved from a house in the country to an apartment in a suburban area. My kids are 3 and 5. For the most part, it's gone better than I expected. My biggest problem is that we were unlucky enough to get an apartment with an older couple underneath. Since I SAH with the kids, and the couple is retired, noise during the day is an issue. Judging from the noise we get from the people above us, it probably sounds like a herd of elephants is running around my apartment sometimes. They've only complained once, but I still worry about it. Also, our building is older and the apartments do not have washer and dryer hookups. Huge headache.
The burning off energy thing is only a challenge for us in the winter. We get a LOT of snow in central new york and sometimes it's hard to find the motivation to get out in it. We do have plenty of places to go, but lots of times I just don't feel like going. As long as the weather is nice, we have no problems getting outside. Our yard in the country was not very kid friendly, so I could have never let my kids out alone anyway. There are a ton of kids in our community here and places to play, and like Grenouille said they all run around together while the moms hang out. We have an elementary school with a playground a very short walk away, and a whole bunch of fabulous parks a short drive away.
All that said, we did enjoy home ownership and will probably be looking to buy again soon. But I definitely don't think having kids means you have to have a house and I can see why people would chose to live this way.
Urban Living with a Child
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