In hindsight, I think a few of my (female) friends idealized what life would be like if they were single again. But you can't turn back the clock. Single parenthood is terribly, terribly hard, even of your spouse is local and helping to share in the costs, custody and responsibilities.
I don't think it has to do completely with finances, though that certainly comes into play. Almost all of my friends work, did before they were divorced and still do so. I think once they were out on their own in the "real world" of singledom, often single parenthood, they started to appreciate some of their spouses attributes a little more and their anger over what caused the divorces abated somewhat. I have a male friend who certainly feels this way and defiinitely regrets his divorce.
I think when people are in the throes of anger and hurt and their marriages are't working it is common to think it would all be better if they were single. And sometimes it is. But a lot of times, the anger and blame we place on our spouse is misplaced, and all our problems are not solved with a divorce. And divorce brings its own, new set of problems.
You ca't turn back the clock. You can't ever be that unencumbered, carefree single person that we all were when we got out of college. It just doesn't work that way.
Maybe the OP and her husband will divorce. Maybe that will be better. But they have children, and her husband does not sound like a terrible person, if maybe a little insensitive and uncommunicative. She has made mistakes, serious ones, herself. Neither of them appear to be terrible people, and possibly, just possibly, their marriage could be saved with appropriate counselinn and real effort (hard work!) on their part. It will not get better by itself, with no effort, which is pretty much what it sounds like the approach they have been trying.
I am an advocate for marriage, especially when children are involved. I think we owe our children that much. At least to try very, very hard before quitting.
And yes, I do believe it is better to be happily divorced than unghappily married for many years. But since this thread is asking opinions, my opinion is that they shoud seek professional help for their marriage before quitting, because doing may be the only way to "get the love to come back."