That if us women wanted to go shopping, we should, add up the amount and then put the items back and just give cash instead
Okay, now that is tacky...but if your family is close, he may have thought he could be brutally honest with you (as sometimes only close family can be) I still say go with whatever you feel comfortable giving - if he complains about it, he'll just look like an ass.
I think it's that he is like his mom - doesn't have a filter. I remember when everyone was getting pregnant - DH and I were engaged and planning our wedding. His mom walked up to me and loudly and in front of others patted my belly and said "are you pregnant too?". It's not that she's mean, she seriously just doesn't think. BTW, she was probably larger than me at that point, so I simply replied "No, actually, I guess I'm just fat." Everyone, DHs parents, her husband, and all who overhead it about choked because people usually don't reply to her. She was speechless which is very rare for her.
It's funny to read the "norms". I'm from Illinois also and gift tables are very much the norm at all weddings I've attended in all circles there. We got married in Boston and we had a gift table and we received probably 20-25 gifts at the wedding (with 100 guests). In 2 cases they were belated shower gifts, but still. I would say the "norm" in Boston is $ but we received a fair amount of gifts too; some gifts were also sent in advance and afterwards.
Anyway, for the OP: I would do the aprons or something equivalent. For ME I wouldn't want to waste the effort on someone obviously ungrateful of a thoughtful gift, but I can see how the $ savings makes sense here. Our favorite gifts were non-registry/non-cash gifts, too. It was amazing to see the thought/effort that some guests put into their gifts.
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