Can I just say I agree with all of the above? Sometimes people really forget who they are talking to when they open their mouths to say stuff like this. I know it's said without really thinking about how it sounds, but sometimes I wish they would think first about who they are saying this kind of stuff to. I mean, really think about it first.
I remember on Thanksgiving Day DH called his cousin to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving. (He was BM at our wedding and DH is godfather to their youngest of their 3 kids who was born in September.) My husband told me when he asked how everything was going that cousin's wife complained that the baby wasn't sleeping through the night and keeping her up all night. I just looked at my husband and said you should have just told her that we'd gladly stay up all night and probably give our right arms too in exchange for a healthy baby. Thankfully, I wasn't the one on the phone when she said it because I might have actually said it to her.
I am sooooo thankful my secretary is on maternity leave so that I no longer have to hear her complain about being pregnant. I hope by the time she comes back I'll have the strength to listen to her talk about her new baby. I really hate that we all have to go through this.
That complaining about "oh, I'm so done" in the last trimester has always annoyed me. You know pgcy is 40 weeks long and full term is 37. Why do you think you should get to be done at 35 weeks?
Okay maybe this feeling is just because I've always gone to 41 weeks, but really? I don't understand why you'd complain about giving your child the best fighting chance by alowing them to fully develop before birth.
Sorry about the rant. I'm in a crabby mood today, but all that to say I get the frustration.
Last edited by tgr68; 01-22-2010 at 10:08 AM.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings
we continue to fly...on broomsticks.
We are flexible like that.
Sorry everyone is having such a hard time. The complaining can be maddening and hurtful. Luckily, this time, I haven't had to deal with that. However, in the past I have been upfront with people about how I feel. If someone started to complain to me about being pregnant (this was when I was going through IF) I would just simply tell them, "I'm sorry I can't talk to you about this." or if it was complaining within a group, I would leave. My intent was not to make them feel bad, but rather to save myself from the pain. Yes, there were some that took offense, but protecting myself was #1. Those who really cared about me understood, while those who didn't, well, who the F cares?
Today I woke up and for the first time since this whole nightmare started I didn't think "I am not pregnant." Up until yesterday I felt this burden of grief and it was really wearing on me. DH and I had a conversation about closure. He had it, I didn't. Then I remembered how I dealt with things with my first m/c. That one happened in late October/early November, All Saint/All Souls season. For all of you who are not Catholic, this is a time when there is a lot of talk about death and loss. It was very comforting to me because it helped me in the mourning process. I realized yesterday that I didn't have that with this pregnancy. So yesterday I held a funeral in my mind. I said my prayers, named the baby, and talked to her (in my mind the baby was a girl.) It really helped and I think I finally have closure on this pregnancy.
You know, I was thinking, for all of us that m/c early, we don't have traditional rituals. Perhaps if there were more for this kind of loss then people in turn would be more sensitive.
Now what to do next. DH and I finally admitted that we are not ready to close the book on another pregnancy. We still have to think about it. That follow-up appointment cannot come fast enough.
Hope you are all doing better.
Last edited by Southlooper; 01-22-2010 at 07:17 AM.
I see all these moms who can do everything and I think... I should have them do something for me..
Southlooper I'm glad you've found some closure and I hope that will help you emotionally heal. I'm also glad to hear you're giving yourself some more time to decide what is right for you and DH when it comes to TTC.
Isn't it strange how much we look forward to the follow up appointments with the doctor? Ours is now only a week away, and it cannot come fast enough. I know it won't bring any magic answers, but for some reason we are just hanging on to each and every "next step."
DH and I also talked last night about how our m/cs have been hard for very different reasons. The first we bonded with the baby, really reveled in the idea of being pregnant, imagined the future ahead with him/her, etc. The second one we knew enough not to get too attached, but the pain more comes from not knowing how and when we'll ever become parents. I don't know, this is all so frustrating and so not how I pictured our lives right now. God I hope our doctor works with us to put together a plan this next week.
cousin's wife complained that the baby wasn't sleeping through the night and keeping her up all night.
It gets to me that those who complained thru pregnancy are also the ones who come back to work and complain more about not sleeping, eating, etc and they want to go pump every 2-3 hours. When I went back to work (12 hour shifts) after having my son I was lucky to pump 2 times a day! and usually one of them was on my lunch break and I'd pump while eating. And some of these complainers that I work w/ went thru IVF to have twins and complain about them
Southlooper-I hear you on the closure. I had one of my m/cs right around then too and it helped. Naming my babies helped as well. Here's hoping that f/u comes soon!
MrsD-hoping your doc can come up w/ a plan for you guys. All of this can be so hard!
Last edited by ktnkids; 01-22-2010 at 07:34 AM.
Reason: adding
Proud Wife July 13, 2002
Mama to Helen, Nathan,Jillian our four angels
Why do they grow up so fast???
Day two of not waking up with the thought "I'm no longer pregnant." Now it's I'm NOT pregnant. I think I'm feeling a bit pissed off now. I think part of it is because my cousin announced on FB that she is having another boy. Pissed off peace...nice...
DH and I also talked last night about how our m/cs have been hard for very different reasons. The first we bonded with the baby, really reveled in the idea of being pregnant, imagined the future ahead with him/her, etc. The second one we knew enough not to get too attached...
Hugs Mrs.D. I hear ya. Seeing that u/s really made me bond with this one (I was much more reserved with the one I lost over the summer and dealt with that one a tiny bit better.
but the pain more comes from not knowing how and when we'll ever become parents.
Five years ago today I was told that I had to prepare myself for the possibility of not having kids. I got pregnant with DD after the 3rd IUI. There is hope, really.
DH and I agreed it's time to get tested. Something to talk about on Tuesday at my follow-up appointment.
I see all these moms who can do everything and I think... I should have them do something for me..
Thanks! I just got back form my follow-up. Pretty cut and dry. My MW examined me everything looks in order. We had a brief Q&A about birth control (I opted out for now we are charting) and testing. Looks like we can't go ahead on anything until I get the fetal chromosomal analysis in mid-February. Which means yes, more waiting (throwing my hands in the air in exasperation!)
I see all these moms who can do everything and I think... I should have them do something for me..
Arg! That stinks you're back to the waiting! But I suppose mid-February is only a couple of weeks away, so not too bad. Did you discuss what kind of testing you'd be looking at?
My appointment is this Thursday, and I'm anxious to get it over with and hopefully jump head first into testing. DH and I have actually been trying to give ourselves some much-needed distraction from all of this the last few days, and that has really, really helped.
our four angels 
