I have a dilemma...I just found out that I'm pg but I'm supposed to be in a wedding in October. The wedding party is rather large and I got an email today about the bachelorette party to be in September. At this time I'll be roughly 3 months pg and have plans to have told everyone by then, especially the bride, whom I'll be talking to in the next couple of weeks about it. The girls are planning a weekend in Atlanta to include mostly bar hopping.
This is my first pg, so I have no idea how I'll feel as far as m/s is concerned, etc., but I do know that I don't want to be in smoky bars and who knows where else.
Another thing to take into account, is the fact that the bride was my maid of honor several years ago and couldn't attend my bach. party, and I was sad that she wasn't there, but totally understood that she had a prior engagement to attend.
So my first question is would you go if you were in the situation? And secondly, if not, how would you handle telling the bride?
For the BP, I wouldn't go. But then my first pregnancy I had m/s for months, so I couldn't even get out of bed. Even if you feel well, you will be in smoky bars and such, so I'd pass.
I'd just tell the bride that although you'd love to be there, for obvious reasons you'll have to skip the bachelorette party. Is there any way you can both go out to dinner or something else...just the two of you? I think that would be a great compromise for not making the party.
For the BP, I wouldn't go. But then my first pregnancy I had m/s for months, so I couldn't even get out of bed. Even if you feel well, you will be in smoky bars and such, so I'd pass.
I'd just tell the bride that although you'd love to be there, for obvious reasons you'll have to skip the bachelorette party. Is there any way you can both go out to dinner or something else...just the two of you? I think that would be a great compromise for not making the party.
I'd totally understand if I were the bride.
Thanks for the congrats!!
A dinner is completely doable and a great idea, we live very close together, so that would work out great.
Oops, i read the question wrong. If it's a field trip bachelorette party i'd skip it too. If it were something local that you could go out for dinner then skip the bars, then i'd go for that then leave.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. - Dave Barry
I would probably still go IF I really wanted to and as long as my doctor didn't see any major harm. Being in a smoky bar for one night shouldn't be extremely harmful or anything. I've seen girls working in smoky restaurants until they look ready to pop. Not saying it's a good idea but you get my point. We're just talking about a few hours.
It's really up to you - what makes you feel comfortable? As far as telling her if you choose not to go, I don't think it should be a big deal. Just say "Susie I really want to go but my doctor and I feel I should avoid the smoky bar. Let's have a makeup dinner party when this one is all finished! I'm sorry I can't be there." Something to that effect. She can't possibly be mad.
Why do people kill people who kill people to show people that to kill people - is bad?
I went to three bachelorette parties when pg with DS last year--all out of town weekend getaways, 2 of which required a plane flight--so I would probably go unless I felt particularly bad. But in my circle, attendance at the bachelorette party for close friends is a big deal (kind of annoying, but I have accepted it). I went to bachelorette parties in Dallas at 12 weeks, a beach town in CA at 26 weeks, and Chicago at 32 weeks. I would have skipped Chicago, but it was a very close friend and the wedding was on my due date in another city, so making the bachelorette/shower weekend was a way to make up for missing the wedding. The Dallas and Chicago parties both involved mostly drinking and bar hopping, and I was tired and less than thrilled to be standing around a bar by the end of the night, but I still had fun seeing my friends. And they were all so appreciative that I was there.
I would be somewhat cautious of the smoke issue. We were only at one really smokey place, and it was the last stop (and like 3am), so I just said good night and took a cab back to the hotel by myself. Is there anyway to encourage the group to go to a not very smokey bar? Maybe some place with a nice outdoor area where you could get fresh air? Will the weekend also involve dinner out, maybe shopping or pedicures, etc. so that you could have the option of being involved in some of the activities and then skipping out when you get tired or it gets too smokey?
They still allow smoking in bars in Atlanta? Interesting....I'd go out, and if you start to feel ill or if it's very smoky (although I don't really believe it would be that dangerous) I'd go home early. By at least attending, you're showing your friend that you care about her and want to share that night with her.
At least make the attempt; you can't use "smoky bars" as an excuse because frankly, until you get there, you won't even know if they are....
For the BP, I wouldn't go. But then my first pregnancy I had m/s for months, so I couldn't even get out of bed. Even if you feel well, you will be in smoky bars and such, so I'd pass.
Ditto this!
I can't stand to be around smoke non-pregnant but when I was around it pregnant, it made me gag...
I would also skip it...and ditto what others said - take her out for dinner or something. She should understand. (Although I wasn't sick much while pg with either kid, I hated being in bars/smoke filled areas...it made me gag, too)
ETA: After thinking about it, I think that if bars, etc. are non smoking, I'd go. (and thinking about how big of a deal my wedding was to me - not that I was bridezilla, but definitely focused on only the wedding for a couple months before the big day I know I would have been disappointed if one of the bridesmaids skipped out on something that is obviously a big deal) Also, this could be one of your last chances to "get away" before your LO arrives.
Last edited by Ellyn; 07-21-2008 at 07:29 PM.
J and E: July '03 "Bud": August '05 "Nona Bug": July '07
Bachelorette Party while Pregnant
but I'm supposed to be in a wedding in October. The wedding party is rather large and I got an email today about the bachelorette party to be in September. At this time I'll be roughly 3 months pg and have plans to have told everyone by then, especially the bride, whom I'll be talking to in the next couple of weeks about it. The girls are planning a weekend in Atlanta to include mostly bar hopping. 
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Kimberland30
I know I would have been disappointed if one of the bridesmaids skipped out on something that is obviously a big deal) Also, this could be one of your last chances to "get away" before your LO arrives. 
