Insight into bipolar disorder? (long)

[~queen~]

As far as 72hr holds go, the psychiatrist is able to hospitalize her as well. If the husband wants to do that during a crisis situation, he can call the police (they will go ahead and either transport her to the hospital or more likely will call an ambulance and have the EMTs bring her), and, if he thinks it would help, he can call the psychiatrist and see if your friend will get on the phone with the Doctor. This info might vary slightly by state, but I can share with you how it is in my state, at least--unfortunately, for a person to qualify for the 72hr involuntary hold, they need to meet certain criteria, and she might not meet that at this point.

Yes, and this is why I say its easiest to get them placed on the 72 hour hold during a Manic phase. It's been my experience its darn near impossible to get any type of help during the depressed or transition phase. Its a truly horrible mental illness, and I wish there was more information and help out there for the people who need it, and especially for the people who try so hard to help them in the right way. I understand that it can't be perfect because there will be those who try to abuse it by saying the spouse is crazy when they aren't, but man, when they are, it truly sucks to get any help.

Oh, and I've also found that many psychiatrists are often unwilling to make the step to get them on the hold, but they will help them when they are already there. The two I've worked with were no support whatsoever in ensuring she got hospitalized.

[ysolde]

Oh, and I've also found that many psychiatrists are often unwilling to make the step to get them on the hold, but they will help them when they are already there. The two I've worked with were no support whatsoever in ensuring she got hospitalized.

My ex refused to see a psych. Just flat out refused. He would only see a psychology student who was convinced that there was nothing wrong wth him. At one point, he was in the hospital for a medical condition, and his meds triggered a really bad manic episode. His MD sent in a psych, because ex was becoming impossible (abusive to the staff, convinced he was able to "heal himself," all kinds of funn stuff). Ex kicked out the psych, telling him it was an abuse of the doctor-patient privilege that he had been sent there, and getting all kinds of nasty. When I asked the the doc if there was anything we could do for my then DH, she said, "No," and that he would get over this.

[scout]

If she's already seeing a psychiatrist, then s/he will have to be monitoring these symptoms

I don't think the psychiatrist is doing a very good job. Because my friend also has her doctorate in psychology, I think she's pulling one over on him. He's already allowed her to go off her meds the first time, after only being on them for a few months.

ysolde I'm so sorry for what you went through.

Queen I'm pretty sure my friend is in the depressed stage right now--her DH says she cries on the couch for most of the day.

Its a truly horrible mental illness, and I wish there was more information and help out there for the people who need it, and especially for the people who try so hard to help them in the right way.

Me too. I just wish I could get into her head to understand how she is feeling.

[ysolde]

Aw, sweetie. You can't really understand how she is feeling, because her brain is wired differently. It's like trying to understand what a seizure feels like, or a migraine. You can try to imagine, but it's just too different.

You can be a good friend to her by staying in touch via email, letting her know how you are doing, and staying in touch with her DH.

[smittee]

This thread has been extremely helpful. My 22-year old son was diagnosed with bipolar last month. I have known something was wrong for year but he refused to get help. He finally got help on his own. So, hopefully, he can now get the help he needs.

[scout]

He finally got help on his own.

While I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I think the fact that your son sought help on his own is wonderful! I'm sure that his prognosis will be excellent.

I wanted to update everyone, since this thread was bumped up. My friend has gone from bad to worse, and after a few more terrible conversations, I've decided that I can no longer speak to her. Each time I slightly disagree with her about anything, she gets mad and hangs up on me. In our most recent conversation, she was berating me for "still" nursing my five month old daughter. When I pointed out that she nursed her son for seven months, she hung up on me. Prior to that, she kept saying things like, "I refuse to give you details about that" when I asked how her ds was doing potty training, with his cold, etc. etc. My friend is also now accusing her mom of abusing her as a child. I'm still in contact with her DH, but I can't deal with speaking to her right now.

Thank you for the help and support.

[jenjunum]

Any of you with family member/friends with bipolar disorder or another serious mental illness might want to look into a NAMI group in your area. There is also a lot of information on bipolar disorder on their website which you might find helpful/comforting. People with bipolar disorder tend to love the manic state. They get a lot done, they feel great, they don't need to sleep as much, etc. I can see why it would be hard to continue to take meds if that prevented you from being in this euphoric state. But the mania eventually brings on the depression. The delusions are especially difficult because they are often based around things/people that are there to help them (meds poisoning them, dr controlling thoughts, etc). I know a couple of people with advanced degrees in psychology that suffer from psychosis (schizophrenia, not bipolar disorder, but they are psychotic) that struggle recognizing those symptoms. I'm not sure she could hide it from her psychiatrist. It does sound like she might need a new psychiatrist though. NAMI might be able to help her find a better one that specializes in bipolar disorder.

[scout]

I'm bumping this up, because I have a few more questions. My friend has been doing well on medications, with a few relapses. Overall, she's been doing well. She recently got pregnant, however, and went off of her meds. We had a very upsetting conversation yesterday. I emailed her DH, and he said he was on it, and forcing her to take her meds.

My question is.....When my friend gets "mean" with me, does she remember doing it? Is she aware? Yesterday, she started accusing me of being cruel to her and out to get her and interrogating her, when all I asked her was, "What are you getting your six year old for Christmas?" and then she hung up on me. I know that once she's on her meds, she won't be like this anymore, but our conversation upset me all day yesterday.

Her baby is due in February, and I'm very, very concerned about her post-partum time. This time, if she gets better, I'm going to let her know how she treats me when she is sick and how upsetting it is. Two years ago, she said that she had gone through some emails that she had written to me after I lost a baby at 21 weeks, when she had relapsed, and she apologized for what she had said in them. At the time, she had sent me a cheerful card that was really inappropriate. I appreciated that she talked to me about it, but it was like she had no memory of what she had done. That's the only time she alluded to how she treats me.

[petdoc08]

Scout, I am sorry to hear that your friend is having a relapse.

My MIL is bipolar and her behaviors sound very similar to your friend's behaviors. In our experience with MIL, she does not recognize how truly cruel she can be during her episodes. Pointing it out puts her on the defensive and does nothing to prevent future mistreatment.

My MIL tends to cycle between relationships. She will spend lots of time with someone until they can no longer tolerate her abuse and when they let her know they will no longer tolerate it, MIL becomes the 'victim' and she will cut that person out of her life for a period of time. It could be a month, week or even years. During that period of time, it seems that the other person can forget how awful MIL can be and reaches out to rekindle the relationship. The relationship seems to pick up right before the triggering event that lead to the airing of grievances. MIL 'allows' this person back into her life, forgiving them for their 'terrible behavior' and the cycle continues. There is no apology ever made for her behavior.

The cycle tends to be shorter the closer your relationship with her is. My DH can go through a cycle a few times a month. Her friends tend to cycle about 2-3 times a year.

This is a very personal example but it illustrates just how out of touch an individual can be during an episode. During our first year of marriage my FIL left my MIL. He had had an affair and was leaving to marry the other woman. MIL faked a suicide attempt in an attempt to get FIL to rush back to her side. He did not come but instead DH and I were put in charge of her care. During this time, she called DH the most horrendous names I have ever heard a person called. She brought up every embarrassing moment of his life and tried to make him relive them. She told me that my DH never loved me and only married me for $ (which I had none so that made no sense). She told us both that DH was not FIL's child. It went on and on and on for 2 days. We had to have her involuntarily committed to a mental treatment facility for a 72 hour period. After that 72 hour period, the events of her 48 hour hospital stay were never mentioned again. The only thing she ever talks about from that week is painting golf balls at the facility and how she had to make salsa with a plastic knife because she was not allowed to use a real knife. She will not acknowledge the reason she was not allowed a real knife was because she was on a suicide watch.

ETA: It sounds like her DH is aware of her behavior. I hope for the baby's sake he encourages her to seek treatment at the first sign of a relapse. My DH's scars run very deep from years of abuse -abuse that could have been prevented if someone had encouraged treatment.

[scout]

Petdoc I'm sorry that your DH is dealing with an abusive situation from your MIL. How upsetting and painful. Thank you for giving me a personal example. It is really helpful. My friend gets like your MIL.....gets defensive, puts it on the person trying to help, etc. It's exhausting.

My friend's DH can be in denial at times about it. I've offered to fly out when the baby is born to help, but she's going to need to be monitored really closely.

Thank you again!