Well, here we are... 9 cycles down, and still no luck.
After our last failed cycle was over, DH and I decided that it's time to inquire about some testing. We just can't keep trying like this without knowing if something is wrong with one or both of us.
I made the appointment with my regular GYN/OB for what I thought would be a pre-O day. However, according to my chart and OPKs, I O'd about 4 days ago (on cd19 as opposed to usual cd23.)
Anyway, we decided to keep the appointment so we can at least discuss what our options are and have a plan in place in case we don't get lucky this time. Is that stupid?
I'm trying to get my wits about me and gather my thoughts and questions so we don't miss anything during the appointment.
Is an appointment with your DH at your regular OBs office how you started the process?
Are there any questions that you wished you asked but forgot?
Is an appointment with your DH at your regular OBs office how you started the process? No. I had discussed my concerns with my OB and she referred me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) - DH did go to that first appointment with me where we discussed infertility and what our next steps would be as far as testing.
Are there any questions that you wished you asked but forgot? - to be honest, that first appointment with the RE was so overwhelming I probably forgot to ask most of what I wanted to ask.
A&K 05.18.02
Baby Girl 09.06.05... Angel Baby Oct 2007... Baby Girl 10.21.08
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
Definitely not stupid keeping the appointment..... you are embarking on a LONG process so the sooner you start, the better.
I started with an OB appt. with DH after our third m/c. I thought it was kind of a waste, but she did get the ball rolling. We were given a referral to the RE (which we had to wait another month for the appt) and she put in an order of about a dozen or so blood tests.
I had been proactive earlier by calling DH's PCP after our second m/c and ordering him a SA. We were able to bring the results to the OB & RE appts.
It's been a blur of 6 months since then, but I do not think there were any questions I didn't ask that I wanted to in that initial appt. I felt they were being diligent in their testing and I just rode the wave, so to speak. I checked in here a lot to look at threads that people have explained what their testing included, and I made sure I asked my RE about each of these. You will have many more questions for your RE, trust me.
I had to learn to kind of "give up" on TTC during this process.... I knew I'd come out the other side with test results and based on those results would be our plan of action.
Thanks! I set up the appointment with my OB mostly because DH is really apprehensive about all of this... he seems concerned that IF specialists are all about profits... it's a little weird I know.
He seems to think that all REs want to do is get their patients pregnant right away (duh!) regardless of cost and invasiveness, just to increase their record and make money for the practice. In other words, he thinks we'll walk in there and they'll tell us it doesn't look good and to go for expensive treatments right away... Kind of like when you take your car to a sketchy garage for repair and they tell you that the whole transmission needs to be replaced when really it's just a gasket problem (or something like that.)
Anyway, I thought he might be more comfortable seeing a "regular" doctor instead of an RE at first. I think he will do better if my regular doctor tells us to see an RE instead of me just making us an RE appointment on our own (which we can do with our PPO.)
My plan is to go in there and basically just tell my Doc that we're ready for the next step and how should we proceed. I have a little list running right now of questions I want to ask:
1) SA for DH
2) What tests for me
3) Charts, does everything look right? Are we timing correctly?
4) RE recommendations
5) sort of OT, but I want to switch to a prenatal with DHA. Prima Care maybe.
I'm sorry your DH has those views! I have to say I was expecting lots of drugs and procedures thrown at me that I wanted nothing to do with. That didn't happen. We'll see if/when I actually get pg (I was told nothing was wrong with me!), but I felt that my RE was very diligent in what tests I NEEDED, yet never gave me the slightest notion that we were going to do things that weren't going to help my situation (able to get PG, just not stay PG). My RE was very much "one step at a time". She came right out and said she was not going to have me do things that were unnecessarily invasive. I asked her if I should be on clomid or something and she said no.
To give you an example:
1.DH had his SA
2. I sat for one ginormous round of blood tests (6 vials of blood, lasted 5 minutes).
3.Since those tests all came back normal, DH & I both had genetic testing (2 vials of blood).
4.I had a Sonohysterogram (SHG -an vaginal ultrasound of the uterus with saline inserted to give a better view - lasted 5 minutes, intense cramping that lasted one minute)
5.Based on the results of the SHG, I had a hysteroscopy to remove some scar tissue and polyp from my uterus (by far the most invasive and scary for me- day surgery in the hospital, under anesthesia, but absolutely no pain afterwards and back to work in 2 days. Really a piece of cake, I was just a baby about it!).
6.Given the green light to TTC, with progesterone supplements & baby aspirin.
This is all a starting point, I feel, for most women dealing with infertility. The threads in here can scare you..... I feel guilty feeling bad for myself when I've only gone through a fraction of what so many CC'ers have gone through. But each situation is different. You need to start somewhere (I know you know that, but your DH needs to know that)..... it may be the simplest of things, but only a doctor would pick up on them!
And remember, a doctor can't force you to do something you are not comfortable with..... you can always seek a second opinion!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'll be wishing for the best outcome for you!
I think DH feels this way from a previous experience. I had what was supposed to be a simple consultation to check out a new practice. When I called to set it up, I told them that I had been TTC for 6 months. The receptionist told me that the OBs were booked for prospective patient appointments but that Jane, the IF specialist could meet with me to talk about the practice and answer any questions.
I went in there expecting to just get a tour of the facility, talk about the general practice beliefs and then discuss my history... then I expected to go home and decide if I wanted to become a patient or not.
Either Jane didn't get the message or didn't care or something, because the appointment became a 2 hour dissection of my ENTIRE medical history, followed by the proclamation that my ovaries were "old" (I'm 31) and that we had to act fast. She sent me home with three pages of test schedules for me and a bag full of plastic sample cups for DH. I was totally overwhelmed and terrified and DH was hopping mad. He felt like Alarmist Jane was just trying to scare us into becoming her patient.
Anyway, we're shaky about dipping our toe into this wild world to say the least. Hopefully, my doctor (stayed with my old one) will be a little gentler with us.
I forgot to add that Alarmist Jane put the cherry ontop of the Sundae when she made a big fuss about setting up a barrage of STD and HIV testing... AND a trip to the genetic counselor...
Talk about a stressful new patient consultation! I got in my car and cried for 20 minutes before I could drive home. No wonder why DH was so mad and is now really flighty.
Thanks! I think the weirdest part of all of this is realizing that you have to be somewhat more active in your care than with another illness or injury.
I mean technically, IF isn't life threatening (although it feels that way sometimes) so you have to look at it almost as more of a consumer than strictly a patient.
It's not like other medical issues, when your doctor is like "you broke you leg, here's what you NEED to do to fix it."
This is more like "you broke you leg, would you like to re-set it, or wait and see what happens to it, or..."
Golightly, I'm sorry you had that experience, that does NOT sound helpful about where you were in the process at all!! No wonder you were freaked out. That sounds like a full consultation with an RE, and the fact that she gave you a guess about your issue when you haven't had testing and don't even KNOW if you have an issue....well, I sure wouldn't go back there.
There's no reason to worry about whether you just O'd or not before your appointment. There's nothing the OB is going to do differently this week than she would have last week. If you plan to go to an RE, you'll first have a consultation and they'll immediately start testing on the next cycle. Here are the basic tests, which can all be done in one cycle:
cd2 or 3: bloodwork (FSH, estradial, thyroid definitely, but prolactin should be checked as well.)
after AF but before cd10: HSG (x-ray with dye)
7dpo: bloodwork (progesterone)
early in cycle: SA for husbands
At your ob/gyn's before going to the RE you'll need to have your PAPs up to date and also get the swab test for chlamydia. Regardless of sexual history.
At the end of that cycle, you will have a followup consult to discuss the results of all of this and get a diagnosis and a treatment plan. It's important to tell the RE that you want to try all the lowest tech, least invasive interventions first.
If your DH is concerned about the RE pushing tons of expensive things, it's good to consider the RE clinic, first. Some universities have clinics, are funded by an HMO, and/or take all patients seeking help--whereas some turn away patients that won't make their numbers look good or are clinics that are funded entirely by the patients. Something to think about.
If your RE isn't caring and responsive to you two and your concerns & fears, doesn't give you good answers, pressures you into anything you're not ready for, doesn't include you at all in the treatment plan, and you don't understand the reasoning for the treatment plan, then it's not a good match for you. There are some truly amazing REs out there, and there are some real duds that are stuck in the past. And of course, you should feel like you have a little time to make up your mind. If you're presented with a treatment plan, you can go home and discuss it and decide if you are ready for that or if you want to wait a few months to do that. Or if you don't want to do it at all, and want to stop TTC. The thing with infertility is that you should be working WITH your RE, and you have the final say in anything.
When you go to the ob and the RE, it's a good idea to bring any charts you may have and a list of anything that you think could be a problem. An unusual things about your cycle, like cycle length, O date, spotting, pain, irregularities. That gives them a place to start. If there's anything wrong or suspected, part of the treatment plan may be to take care of that problem first. Of course, you might not have anything standing out to you. And your tests might all be totally normal for both of you. In that case, you would have "unexplained IF" and I just thought I'd warn you that the first step in treatment for that is IUI + fertility medication, like clomid.
Questions to ask with DH at Doc's appt.
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No wonder he feels that way! You just described my worst nightmare!
