What do you say in a card to someone who has lost a loved one?

**udsweetpea** · 12-09-2007, 05:45 PM

What do you say in a Christmas card to someone who has lost a loved one this year? Or if they're losing someone really soon? I know their Christmas won't be "merry" or "wonderful". So, what do you write in the card?

**ejs** · 12-09-2007, 05:47 PM

I would just tell them that I'm thinking of them and to call me if they need anything.

**miel** · 12-09-2007, 05:54 PM

I agree with EJS but I would make it as strong as possible. So that they know they really can call you.

**Reenie** · 12-09-2007, 06:10 PM

It depends upon how close you are with the person/what the relationship is. For someone I'm close with, I might say something like, "This holiday, I hope that you can enjoy some happy memories of holidays past. Know that you can call me anytime." The point being that of course they have happy memories with the lost loved one and those should be cherished, too.

**HeatherFL** · 12-09-2007, 06:15 PM

If I was close to the person I would write about cherishing memories of past while creating new ones with loved ones. I'd let them know I was thinking of them, and they can reach out to you whenver they need to.

~H.

**lml41981** · 12-09-2007, 10:24 PM

Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.

Do you know if the person is the type who needs to think about the loved one for peace or the type who needs to not think about the loved one? If she's the former, then the memories thing is good. If she's the latter, then I'd just tell her you are thinking of her and wishing her well this holiday season.

**jenahdawn** · 12-09-2007, 10:26 PM

"I hope this holiday season is gentle on you." ?

**ejs** · 12-09-2007, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by lml41981

Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.

Do you know if the person is the type who needs to think about the loved one for peace or the type who needs to not think about the loved one? If she's the former, then the memories thing is good. If she's the latter, then I'd just tell her you are thinking of her and wishing her well this holiday season.

I agree. When my mom died, I appreciated the stories about her that were in condolence cards, but not at the holidays. It hurt to have some people recall how much my mom loved the holidays, what a good hostess she was, etc. I was struggling to get through the holidays without her and those sentiments just made it harder. I appreciated hearing from the people who just told me that they were thinking about me.

But as lml said, everyone is different.

**Avalon** · 12-10-2007, 05:29 AM

Like ejs said, I'd reference the loved one in a condolence card but not in a holiday card. I would take pains not to wish a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holiday, but would use more neutral description words like have a peaceful Christmas, or sending warm wishes this holiday season.

**udsweetpea** · 12-10-2007, 06:12 AM

Originally Posted by lml41981

Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Our friends lost their baby in January, and I didn't know if mentioning her would be a thoughtful thing to do or not. And then my aunt lost her 37 year old daughter in January very suddenly. She's the type of person who wants attention, so I thought I'd better include something about her daughter in the card. And then there's my friend who is watching her father-in-law die (probably in a few days). Its hard figuring out what to say.