tgr68: I don't know if I have any words of wisdom since you have more kids than me, but my two are 2 years 2 months apart. I was initially REALLY worried about having them that close (my initial plan would have been to have them 3 years apart), but everyone here on CC made me feel much better about having them closer together. Now having done it, I think closer is MUCH better. Literally every single friend I have that had their kids 3+ years apart said there was at least some disruption at home, if not full blown jealousy and major issues. DD has had NONE. Not one ounce of jealousy or acting out or missed sleep or anything. Our transition could not have been smoother. I'm sure there are 3 year olds who don't have any either, but none of them belong to my friends! I will say that my BFF whose kids are also 2yr2mo apart did have some issues with the older one when they brought the baby home.
Also, I know some people say at 3 they can understand more, etc., and I'm sure that it depends on the kid, but DD was still perfectly able to understand and express herself, and she was/is old enough to help (get diapers, etc.). She can also already play independently, although maybe a 3 year old could do it longer?
As far as beds, we did have to move her sooner than I would have wanted. That is the *only* thing that would have been better if she was older. She had never gotten out of her crib, so there was no reason to move her other than that we wanted to put the baby in her crib. I wish we could have kept her in the crib longer, but on the other hand, we could have just kept the baby in the PNP if we really wanted to so that is always an option if you really don't want to move the older one into a bed.
Budget- not sure. I haven't really noticed a big change, but I'm not really a budgeter anyway. We did formula from 6 weeks (BM before that), and it actually was less expensive than with DD because we had to use Nutramigen with her due to reflux, and with him, we were able to use Costco brand formula right away. We will be doing baby food soon just like we did with DD.
Housework- DH helps a lot, but I'll admit that our house is usually a disaster. Our cleaning lady comes every other week. I could have her come everyday, and it wouldn't be enough! Generally, I do laundry, putting all the kids' clothes away and some picking up, and he does all the dishes/bottles and some picking up. The cleaning lady does most of the rest.
DH Away- I don't know how you do it already! It is REALLY hard for me when DH isn't there trying to juggle an infant and a toddler, but I think it gets easier and easier, and I'm sure your older ones can help too.
Overall, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with closer spacing. I was TERRIFIED and didn't believe all the CC'ers that told me 2 years is better than 3 years, but I really have found that to be true for me at least. Of course, I guess I can't really say since I don't know what a 3 year spacing is like!
Thank you all for your wonderful and honest feedback! DH are seriously discussing TTC#4 in Jan 2013, and if we are blessed with a pgcy right away, that will put YDS at 2.5 when baby arrives. It kind of mentally freaks me out that I may be pg before the baby is even 2, but part of me says if I can get through the "hard" years (for us that is ages 3-5) in as small a timeframe as possible, that would be awesome!
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings
we continue to fly...on broomsticks.
We are flexible like that.
Mine are 16 months apart. Our budget was not much affected, at first. We had already lost my salary due to being a SAHM so we were used to that for the most part (I say for the most part because it has been less than a year) and there were no additional daycare expenses. We used cloth diapers and were pretty thrifty in what we selected. We did PT early, but that was already in the works anyways. Dd1 expressed interest just after a year so we went with it.
Now that they are older, is where the doubling comes in, especially in activity fees. You can share and hand down lots of things, but activities isn't one of them Of course they aren't truly necessary anyways. I find myself automatically doubling the cost of things like swim lessons subconsciously. I'm sure it won't be long until I start tripling. The clothing has not doubled. They don't have the amount of better quality that an only child would have but they certainly are not lacking. I make do with what we have. I don't do as many coordinated special outfits anymore for things like birthdays and minor holidays, it just isn't practical for 3 children on our budget. I still try to do Christmas outfits and jammies. Our food budget has definitely gone up as they have now just started eating more substantial amounts. Now how much of that is due to them eating more and how much is due to rising food prices, I don't know.
Formula and Baby Food - I did have to begin formula feeding as I was pregnant when dd1 was just 7 months old and I could not sustain her any longer. I had already been struggling with my supply so this was just the last straw the camel could hold. Also, she did not eat any solid food at all. Formula was probably the most immediate noticeable increase.
Housework - an area we've always admittedly struggled with. I think I've determined that it just isn't as high a priority as other things. The house is sanitary, but there is always a room that could stand to be vacuumed, the dishwasher is never empty, the laundry always going, a pile of clutter needing a home, etc. The biggest difference I've noticed going from 2 to 3 is that I feel like I never get time alone. Somebody always needs something, even if it's just a bit of one on one time, and if they don't, I have to do lesson plans (homeschool family as well), get them to activities, etc, etc, etc.
Work - dh works longer hours, generally 6-5 or 6-6 five days a week. He never travels so that part is very nice. That would have been extremely difficult, IMO. He was also (almost) always home in time for bed, which again was darn near crucial in the early months of 2 under 2, especially since both needed help getting to sleep. He pitches in wherever needed and rarely complains, I am very grateful for that.
Overall I'd definitely do it again. We are even considering a #4 close in age to #3. Not 16 months close (I don't think anyone plans that on purpose...) but maybe 2ish years. The close age gap of 16 months was definitely more physically demanding, but the larger age gap is more mentally demanding. In the early days, I could zone out and they didn't notice that nearly as much. Now they're older, I have to be all there mentally during homeschool obviously, and they call me out if they notice I'm not listening intently to their endless stories and commentary. I now also have to try to juggle activities for a wider age range. The girls are at the same stage and can often even be in the same class/level for things so it will be interesting to see how everything pans out when ds gets a bit older.
budget DD2 is still in diapers and DD1 uses pull up at nights. DD1 will stop using pull ups when they run out. And we will be pulling out the potty training seat soon. But I suspect she won't be potty trained for anotber year.
BFing When I got pregnant with #4 my supply dried up so I ended up only bfing DD2 for 14 months. I plan to BF this one as long as possible and usually don't spend much on formula.
housework I do mostly everything. When DH is home he does the dishes, but he's usually not home until 6:30 and I get home at 4(am a teacher.) The house is usually a mess when I get home since my parents watch my kids at my house. I have a schedule of what I need to do each day. Mondays is DS laundry and downstairs bathroom etc. That's on top of the hour I spend cleaning up after my parents. I try not to leave to much to tbe weekend.
DH work DH is gone frequently. This montb it's been 16 out of 30 days. Some month more, some months less. When he is home he's home at around 6:30. I just keep tbe same routine when he's home and when he is not. So in the summer when it's just me I just make sure the kids have rest time even if they don't nap so I can have a break.
Brian & Kim 7/13/02
Douglas 5/05 Margaret 3/08 Charlotte 8/10 Griffin 5/12
My DS' are 2 years apart (less 12 days) and it's great - busy, sometimes I call it the two-kid diet. They'll be 4 and 2 in July and are so great together, they play well together, DS1 likes to show/teach DS2 things and they are just great buddies.
1. How was your budget affected with having two closer in age? So far we've been good to have the "baby" out of diapers (or nearly there) before bringing another one home. Did you find that diaper budget truly double or did it encourage you to explore earlier PT'ing?
They were both in diapers for about a year until we started PTing DS1 at age 3 and now he just uses pull ups at night. I'm not going to think about PTing DS2 until he's closer to 3 (unless he shows a bunch of interest sooner). Given that I don't need to buy clothes for DS2, my budget probably hasn't been affected too much (but I also don't track these things). I'm sure I'll notice the cost when they are both enrolled in montessori later this year - it's not the cheapest thing.
2. If you BF'ed, did you stop earlier than you initially liked? If you FF'ed, did the cost make you reconsider with the closer ages? When they were older did you double up on the jarred solids, or just start them directly on table food to help keeps costs down?
Mine were both FF since it was much easier on me (and the entire family). I made most of our baby food (mostly because I enjoy it) and DS2 was fully on table foods at 10 months (he was really interested in it and had all of his teeth). I'll also mention that he was holding his own bottle at around maybe 6 months too.
3. How was housework affected? Did you do it all yourself or hire help? How much did your DH help out in this area?
We have a house cleaner that comes every other week. I do laundry, otherwise, everything else is totally 50/50 with DH.
4. Does your DH work longer hours or the standard work day? How did you do with kids by yourself for the longer work days/weeks? As Scooter mentioned, I homeschool, so I don't get that quieter time during the day.
My DH works fairly normal business hours and used to travel a lot at times (this time last year it was every other week - it sucked). It really helped that I was able to enroll DS1 in montessori when he turned 2 (for half days) - it was a nice break. It's easier to run to the store, for example, with one kid and not two. Not to mention that my gym has an amazing child care facility (it's also a drop and go), so I was/am able to work out and run errands by myself when needed.
We have three children. The first two are 20 months apart and the spread between #2 and #3 is 18 months. It's challenging, but I personally really like having them close together. Ask me again in five years when they are in school and we'll see if I still feel the same!!
We knew our children would be close in age because we didn't start having kids until I was 34 and I would like to be done by 40. We are both from families of four and would love to have four children as well.
1. How was your budget affected with having two closer in age?
We cloth diaper, using Bum Genius diapers which are a cinch to use. DH thought I was nuts when I first suggested this but once we ran the numbers, it made sense for our goals. DS1 is still in diapers but that will definitely end this summer. I anticipate we will PT both boys at the same time.
The biggest increase I see is at the grocery, especially now that 2/3 of the children are eating real meals. I only see this increasing.
When DS1 was born, I was laid off while on maternity leave, so we got pretty used to living on one very meager income. I was able to find a job that pays me very well for something I truly enjoy, so DH is a SAHD. As strange as it sounds, this is also a cost savings because I can't imagine having three in daycare.
2. If you BF'ed, did you stop earlier than you initially liked? I BF DS1 for 8 months and DS2 for 7 months. Both were supplimented from the get go. (DS1 was a lazy eater and lost a lot of weight up front which we had to make up. DS2 was 10 1/2 lbs at birth and I simply couldn't produce the amount of food he needed from day 1.) DD is exclusively BF at nearly 5 months and I plan to go as long as we can.
3. How was housework affected? Did you do it all yourself or hire help? How much did your DH help out in this area?
DH's job as a SAHD is to care for the children. It is impossible to do that and keep the house in order because no matter what you do, it's wrecked in 10 seconds. I went back to work when DD was 10 weeks and finally decided to bite the bullet and hire a housekeeper who comes every two weeks. Really, I need a live-in maid but just knowing the floors are cleaned once in a while is a plus. She had to cancel last week and it will be four weeks in between cleanings when she comes next Tuesday. The house looks it.
I do spend about 90 - 120 minutes a night just getting things ready for the next day - cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the table, picking up, etc.
4. Does your DH work longer hours or the standard work day? How did you do with kids by yourself for the longer work days/weeks?
I am the one who works outside the home, as I mentioned. I try to limit it to the regular work day, but I am also on call 24/7/365. However, if I do get calls, I can take them from home so it's not a big deal. I am going to try and get in earlier/leave earlier starting this week. We'll see how that goes. I don't get pressure from my boss or the people at work - it's all self-imposed pressure.
DH is a track and cross country coach for our local high school, and we're in the throws of track season. He has meets three nights a week. On those nights I get home as quickly as I can to relieve my FIL who stays with the kids when DH goes to the school. It's a whirlwind of activity for about three hours - dinner, baths, books, beds, BF, etc. Whew.
A friend posted this article on Facebook awhile back, and while it is definitely biased (from a website dedicated "to spreading the truth about the blessings of children and the harms of contraception"), I still find the basic premise is true. She says that the first 5 years of parenting are the hardest, no matter how many kids you have, but that adding a child after your oldest is over 5 is not really a big deal. The oldest kids are going to keep getting older, more self-sufficient, more helpful, and better company. I have lots of friends with big families (4+ kids) and close spacings, and they all agree with this as well.
So while I haven't personally tried it (did the opposite, really), I think that having #3 and #4 closer in age would be easier than having #1 and #2 closer in age. I also say this with the caveat that your older children do not have discipline issues and are helpful.
Megan and Derek: 6/15/02, Dean: 6/27/05, Reed: 10/3/07, Ruby: 11/21/11 My determined purpose is that I may know Him.
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They'll be 4 and 2 in July and are so great together, they play well together, DS1 likes to show/teach DS2 things and they are just great buddies.
