http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/ ConstantChatter.com is an interactive message board community of diverse, intelligent women from all around the world. We chat about everything that life has to offer from dating to marriage, from pregnancy to parenting, from friendships to work relationships, from health to hobbies, from news to politics, from entertaining to gossiping and oh, so much more. en Sat, 25 May 2013 05:14:06 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/images/misc/rss.png http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/ http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51373-Need-Impartial-Opinions&goto=newpost Fri, 24 May 2013 13:29:44 GMT I need to get some perspective to help me figure out if I'm over-reacting or wrong in how I feel about this situation. My mother is a very difficult person. She can be toxic, she has Borderline Personality Disorder and the best way I can have a relationship with her is from a little distance. To be very honest, I love her because she is my mother, but I don't like her. Through the years she's burned most of her bridges and I'm the only one who hasn't walked away.

She has never been good at managing money. She's very bright and well educated which lends itself to a lot of frustration when I realize various things she has done. She been on the verge of homelessness a couple of times in the past due to poor decisions. Approximately 2 1/2 months ago she was evicted. She's very defensive and secretive about things that are going on so I don't learn about them in time to try and intercede. She ended up staying with me for 8 weeks. I didn't want her to stay with me, but the only other option was a shelter.

She stayed rent free, I didn't ask her for any money for groceries or utilities. I was even giving her spending money on occasion. While she was there two things happened that cause more financial worries. She left her hearing aid down where my dog could get it and he chewed it. Her car also died and it was going to cost more to repair it than it was worth.

Originally when the hearing aid incident happened, I was irritated because she should know better, but I agreed to replace it at a cost of $1700. Then when the car died she wanted me to co-sign a car loan for her. I refused to do that because I couldn't take the chance that she would decide one month not to pay it and have it potentially ruin my credit. We went back and forth with lots of tears about how terrible I was being that I wouldn't help and didn't I know that she wouldn't do anything to hurt me?

I finally came up with a solution that allowed me to help her without involving my credit. I said to her that I couldn't do both, I couldn't buy the vehicle and replace the hearing aid. She said that if she had to choose she needed the car more. So I borrowed against my work pension fund and purchased the car. She has agreed to pay me back but hasn't paid anything toward it yet.

The other day she sent me a text telling me that the hearing aids are in and she needs me to pay the company. She was supposed to cancel the order. When I reminded her that we agreed that I would do one or other she flipped out and said that she can't believe that I'm not helping her and that I should get an interest free credit card to pay it and that it's my fault that my dog chewed it etc.

To say I'm tired and fed-up is an understatement, but I need some perspective. Am I wrong to feel that I've done a lot for her recently and I'm justified in saying that I can't do more? Thoughts? ]]> Emotional Support KAF http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51373-Need-Impartial-Opinions http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51372-Swim-shirts-yes-or-no&goto=newpost Fri, 24 May 2013 00:19:49 GMT DS1 is almost 5. Up until now I always had him wear a swim shirt (short sleeved) with his bathing suit when at the pool or beach. This year I couldn't find any swim shirts that weren't cartoon characters or totally ugly so I started wondering if he even needs one anymore. Most of the kids his age don't seem to wear them. He is blonde/fair skinned, but as long as he wears sunscreen he doesn't burn, but will tan. FWIW I ALWAYS put a lot of sunscreen on him.

I'm sure it's just a personal preference, but do your older kids wear swim shirts? ]]> Big Kids - 3+ countrymouse http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51372-Swim-shirts-yes-or-no http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51371-Slightly-different-stroller-question&goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 19:50:45 GMT I haven't been in the market for a stroller for a long time, but a friend asked for help.

She has a severely disabled son who will need a stroller for a significant amount of time. He may be 7-8+ before he could even move to a wheelchair due to lack of trunk strength (he'll always need mobility assistance). She has some grant money that she needs to use and a stroller qualifies. He's average size for a 1 year old and should continue to grow in size on the standard curve. She also needs it to fit into a normal car easily, so something like a BOB is not really feasible.

Does anyone have a stroller that is not so large like a BOB but could hold a larger child? Even getting her to age 5 or 6 would be helpful. ]]> Toddlers - 12-36 months boilermaker http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51371-Slightly-different-stroller-question http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51370-Washer-Dryer-Reccomendations&goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 19:46:07 GMT Anyone buy a washer/ dryer recently that you would recommend? Ours are 20+ years old (came with the house) and are on their last legs. We are not looking for front loaders as I have heard too many stories about mold in gaskets and funny smells. I have been looking at consumer reports and most of... Anyone buy a washer/ dryer recently that you would recommend? Ours are 20+ years old (came with the house) and are on their last legs. We are not looking for front loaders as I have heard too many stories about mold in gaskets and funny smells. I have been looking at consumer reports and most of the machines they reviewed don't score very high in actually washing the clothes ??:confused: ]]> All Things Home spps http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51370-Washer-Dryer-Reccomendations http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51369-Bathroom-conversion-question&goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 17:57:19 GMT I know this is individual / regional / whatever, but my opinions about ideal home configurations and specs do not seem to be 'the norm' so I'm looking for external input. We have a 4BR / 2.5BA home and I am considering converting our half bath to a laundry room. (Laundry is currently in the garage, which is pretty normal for CA, but I hate it!) For us it would be ideal, as we barely ever use the half bath anyway, but I'm wondering about what future home purchasers might think. The room is pretty small for either function, so it could not feasibly be both. I would stack the washer/dryer but even so there wouldn't be much more space- maybe a small laundry sink or counter (not both) and room for a hamper. Thoughts as a potential future buyer?

While we are on the subject, this has come up because we are embarking on renovations for all of our bathrooms, which currently are gross and we will completely gut and re-do them. So the 2 remaining full baths will be brand new (basically), but we are planning to take the tub out of the master bathroom and put in a large walk-in shower. I'm not sure that matters, it's just also on my mind!

[**I change my mind about everyday on whether this is our 'forever' home or not. It probably isn't, which is why I'm even asking this question. If it was for sure, I would just convert it now and be done with it. I'm expecting we will probably only live in this house maybe 5-ish years or so. ??? but who knows.] ]]> All Things Home laura http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51369-Bathroom-conversion-question http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51368-Palladian-Window-Help&goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 12:57:42 GMT We have a large Palladian Window (Arch Top) in our dining room which also serves as the main natural sunlight source for the front of the house. When we moved in, the previous owners left the treatments. Which is a burgundy draped swag type of thing that goes in a triangle shape up to the top of... We have a large Palladian Window (Arch Top) in our dining room which also serves as the main natural sunlight source for the front of the house. When we moved in, the previous owners left the treatments. Which is a burgundy draped swag type of thing that goes in a triangle shape up to the top of the arch, drapes across a rod at the bottom of the arch on a curtain rod and then down the sides. It never was my style and now 8 years later isn't very modern.
I have no idea how to dress this window, but I hate the current swag. I don't want to do blinds or shutters. Nor do I want a formal dining room type of treatment as it won't blend with the rest of the house. Mostly I just need simple curtain ideas which will not block the light, there is a large bush in front of the window that I can't get DH to trim enough to suit my light needs so I don't want more sunlight blocked. We are looking to move at some point so I decided against anything expensive or custom.
I've done a lot of searching on line but everything I've seen is very formal or is for a much larger window.
Any ideas? Thanks! ]]> All Things Home VASLP http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51368-Palladian-Window-Help http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51367-Would-you-sell-or-would-you-quot-sit-tight-quot&goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 05:42:16 GMT I have a question, but I don’t want to derail Taffers thread, so here I am.:)

We bought a home in May 2008 (after the 1st major drop in the real estate market, but before the final dive in Sept. 2008). So, we have been under water for basically the entire 5 years we have lived here (something to the tune of $80-$100K). Well, the current market conditions are such that it appears that we could actually sell and break even or even maybe walk away with $5K. Now, every indicator points to the fact that the increase in our local house prices is due to a bubble that has a high probability of bursting in the next 6-18 months. There are some actual facts, current legislation and inventory issues that support the prediction that a price correction is on the horizon.

We have two reasons for considering the option of selling:

1) We want to lower our mortgage payment. We went down to one income last summer and because of that, our mortgage is a very large part of our monthly income. The thing is, I have looked into refinancing and have exhausted several programs, talked to multiple loan officers including ones from our bank and whatnot, but we do not qualify. With out revealing too much information, just know that refinancing is not an option at this time. We also looked into a loan mod…but the bank feels that our debt to income ratio is so low (we have very little debt, our credit is great and our income is fine) that they do not feel we need a loan mod. So, if we stay in our house our payment cannot be reduced for the foreseeable future.

2) We actually feel that our house is too big and would love to downsize. We would love to reduce our square footage by 500-700 sq feet and have a single story. Also, after re-evaluating our financial position and future, we are seriously considering going to a 15 yr mortgage, but we could only afford to do that if we bought a house that is about $80-$100K less than our current home.

Here is our dilemma:
Because of a short sale we had in October 2011, we cannot buy anything until October 2014 (another 17 months). We have the credit, we have the income and we have the down payment and have already gotten pre-approval (which comes in about $150K more than what we want to spend).

We are trying to decide what to do. We kind of feel that we have a very small window of opportunity in which we can sell our home without having to bring money to the table. So, we are toying with the idea of selling now, renting for 1 year (a small house, with low rent, which will help our current cash flow situation) then buying with the idea that prices would have adjusted down a bit. So, basically the idea of selling high and buying low. I realize this is gamble and this is the ultimate desire of anyone trying to buy/sell a home. Hence, the major hesitation with this idea.

Or, we could just sit tight and see what everything looks like in 17 months. The thing that worries me is if the price correction really does hit like predicted, we would no longer be able to sell for what we owe. So, it doesn’t matter if prices drop on the homes we want to buy, because we cannot sell. Obviously, if prices continue to go up, then sitting tight for 17 months makes sense. Because our house will be worth more and it will allow us to put a larger down payment on the new, smaller home.

So…if you were me, what would you do? ]]> All Things Home PLNUBRIDE http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51367-Would-you-sell-or-would-you-quot-sit-tight-quot http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51366-Oklahoma-ladies&goto=newpost Tue, 21 May 2013 00:53:09 GMT I'm not sure if we have anyone in OK, but if you are, please check in to let us you are safe! ]]> ChitChat sixlets http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51366-Oklahoma-ladies http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51365-Toxic-parents&goto=newpost Mon, 20 May 2013 20:45:26 GMT I am trying to come to terms with what to do regarding my parents (primarily my father at this point) and what I perceive to be a toxic relationship. I am sure I am going to be rambling so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense. I know some of this sounds so petty and it’s probably because it’s... I am trying to come to terms with what to do regarding my parents (primarily my father at this point) and what I perceive to be a toxic relationship. I am sure I am going to be rambling so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense. I know some of this sounds so petty and it’s probably because it’s snippets and not the entire story .
My mother in particular has a very volatile temper. Living with her was like walking on eggshells. She told me I should drop out of college when I got a C in chemistry since I wasn’t “college material.” She had told me that getting married and having kid were the biggest mistakes she’d ever made. My parents disowned me once when I was 20 or so because they did not approve of who I was dating (looking back it was not a good relationship, but how many are at that age KWIM). I made contact with them after about 3 years. We parted ways again about 4 years after that over my wedding. There were a lot of issues surrounding that and in the end my parents decided not to come to my wedding
We didn’t have any contact for 5 years. When I became pregnant with my first child, I began wondering if I should try to reestablish contact again since there would be children involved. Before I completely decided I lost the baby at 20 weeks. While I was in the hospital I called my father. My parents came over after I was discharged and while we never addressed the issues with the wedding, I decided to begin with a clean slate so to speak.
We maintained a relationship with them visiting a few times a year (they moved about 6 hours away after we got back in contact again). They took care of DS1 a few times, my father helped with little projects around the house, etc. We always treated them to dinner out and a couple times we gave them money/gift cards to help with cruise excursions, etc.
I think it’s always hard to have guests, but it was very strained with my parents. They tend to clutter everything (when I came home from the hospital after having DS1 I had to clean up the house since we were having guests over for a bris). They do not like what I cook so they bring their own food and cook (for all of us, but it’s heavy cooking and we usually pay the price).
DH and my mother always had issues. I admit DH sometimes would get a bit of an attitude with my mother, but sometimes it was out of exasperation. My mother, on the pretense of being helpful, can come across as overly dramatic, attacking, and controlling. The best example I can give is over garlic powder. I had gone to the store and had purchased the store brand because I knew were running low. Upon seeing it my mother asked me how much it had cost. I honestly couldn’t remember, but it was the store brand so it couldn’t have been ridiculously expensive. I told her I didn’t remember. She then sort of interrogated “what $5?” I replied, “maybe, I don’t remember.” She then told me that I could have gotten 5x as much at Costco for the same (um fine, but I would never even use it before it expired). For a little background, my mother grew up with very little and money was and probably still is very tight for my parents so she does watch pennies.
The next time they came to visit (December we all sat down to talk about the situation. I told her that I knew she was very careful with money and I luckily am able to be a little less cautious and that we were “OK.” I honestly can’t remember all the details of the conversation, but I remember afterward thinking “this went well, everyone seems to have an understanding, etc” The rest of their visit seemed to go fine. Well, apparently my mom felt attacked and was livid (I found this out from my brother). After this DH and I decided that we just couldn’t have my mother in our house if we can’t even discuss something calmly about things that are bothering us (or her). We didn’t speak for 4 months. She missed my second son’s birth and bris (my father did come). I called her on her birthday in April last year (while I was in the midst of my own fair share of post partum depression) and she proceeded to tell me “everything” that bothered her about me, that I am ungrateful, etc.
DS1’s birthday was in May. My father came (6 hour drive). He came early, but did not stay for the party because he had brought my mom and he had to take her out to dinner. He called that night asking if we could meet for breakfast (on Mother’s Day). I really didn’t think any good was going to come from it, but I agreed. I said hello to my mother , she said hello to me and that was about it. I didn’t know what to talk to her about in a public place especially. After the meal we had to leave (DS1 was getting antsy, DS2 was hungry- which at least could have been dealt with). After my parents got home I got an email from my dad that he was so hurt that I didn’t say hello to my mother or wish her a Happy Mother’s Day (true on the last count). I had said repeatedly that mom needs to have some counseling to resolve issues before we can begin to mend our relationship (and maybe we all need counseling). My dad has always agreed, but he can’t get my mother to go. Calls between my dad and I had become more and more sporadic and difficult (since my mom is always there).
My dad visited in January and brought the boy’s Chanukah presents (8 for each child plus a book with each gift- it was crazy). He wanted to sit around and talk about the issues and we rehashed the same old things again. Again, it seems like I am to blame for everything and I should just accept things as they are basically. He admits my mother needs help, but she won’t get it. He makes excuses for her behavior (her childhood, he trying to be helpful, her not realizing how she comes across). He also started coming up with all the things I had done over the years. We haven’t spoken since. He sent birthday presents for the boys (and we have called to have DS1 thank him; though calls always got to voicemail anyway), but that has been the extent.
Several family members have mentioned that my mother “will never change.” They agree that she has had problems for a long time. Her sister (who I talk to once or twice a month) says that I have always extended the olive branch and insisting my mom get help was the smart thing to do for us and our children.
I am very torn about the gifts from my father for my boys. It’s sort of like peeling off a scab each time and DH wonders if we need to just break off all contact. I have guilt that my kids are missing out on grandparents (but what sort of relationship is it anyway) and I have guilt that our family dynamic is like this; it’s not the way it should be. It's weird, I am strong and stand up to things all the time, but I have such a hard tiem dealing with my parents. ]]> Emotional Support off2skl http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51365-Toxic-parents http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51364-Use-a-bib-or-not&goto=newpost Mon, 20 May 2013 19:49:13 GMT YDD is a drooler. She is 5.5 months and hasn't cut a tooth yet, but both DH and I feel things are moving around in there. She's constantly sucking on her hand and just drooling everywhere.

We put a bib on to try to keep her outfits dry. However, because the bib is soaked, she's not getting a rash on her neck. I've asked DH to change her bib frequently but he doesn't :( When my mom or I am with her, she will easily go through four or five bibs a day.

I've put diaper cream on her neck because it is SO red and bumpy. It must hurt her, and that upsets me. Should I even use a bib? It seems to me that because the bib is wet and against her neck she is getting the rash. But if her clothes get wet she could also get a rash on her chest and neck, which wouldn't be much fun for her either.

Neither of my older girls were droolers. They used bibs for eating and that was about it. ]]> Chimichanga http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51364-Use-a-bib-or-not http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51363-I-think-my-boys-hate-each-other&goto=newpost Mon, 20 May 2013 19:35:03 GMT My boys fight/argue/bicker/make each other cry 95% of the time. I can't even tell you how sick of it I am. The second ODS gets home from school they just start arguing about the smallest thing which then usually leads to them hitting each other. Or if they are at the table eating together they are always bickering and arguing. I go in and tell them to just not talk to each other. Which then turns into a "he's talking to me!" "No he's talking to ME!!" Ugghhhh! There really isn't a moments peace when they are home together. Are they going to be like this forever?? I'm so effing tired of it and if myself yelling a lot bc of it. ]]> Big Kids - 3+ bensgirl1222 http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51363-I-think-my-boys-hate-each-other http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51361-Anyone-tried-esalon-com&goto=newpost Fri, 17 May 2013 18:23:18 GMT They will mix up and send you professional grade hair color based on your current color/desired color, etc. And it costs $20 I think.

I'm very curious about it. ]]> off2skl http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51361-Anyone-tried-esalon-com http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51359-Summer-lunch-ideas&goto=newpost Fri, 17 May 2013 17:07:57 GMT My oldest son is about to be out of school for the summer next week. I work from home so I'm here to make my kids lunches everyday. What are some creative ideas besides the normal things like sandwiches? DS1 will eat almost anything while DS2 is extremely picky which makes things difficult sometimes. ]]> Big Kids - 3+ PinkLexi06 http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51359-Summer-lunch-ideas http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51357-Would-this-bother-you-re-sitter&goto=newpost Fri, 17 May 2013 04:27:36 GMT We're using a new sitter tomorrow that I found thru a friend. However my friend recently had an issue come up with the sitter and wouldn't be using her again over it. Personally I don't consider the issue to be a big deal, but just wanted to see if I'm being lax.
My friend's kids are 3 and 6. Her 3 y/o drew on herself (which my friend allows) but the sitter put her in the shower and gave her a bath. Not as a punishment or anything, but just to clean her up. When my friend came home, the sitter didn't mention the incident. My friend found out what happened thru her 6 y/o. My friend was livid that the sitter had done a bath w/out asking her and then didn't tell her.
I guess I wouldn't really consider this to be a big deal. My kids are 8, 4 1/2 and 1. DS1 can defintely shower himself. DD really only needs to get set up and then she can do most of it herself. The only one it would really apply to is DS2. So would most consider this a big deal? I usually give my younger kids baths before the sitter arrives and then have DS1 do his sometime before his bedtime while we're gone. ]]> Big Kids - 3+ Pookie http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51357-Would-this-bother-you-re-sitter http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51356-Wisdom-teeth&goto=newpost Thu, 16 May 2013 21:01:49 GMT I need to get 2 out of 4 of my wisdom teeth out. I've known this for about 2 years now and just haven't done it. Up until now they have never caused me any issues. I went to my regular cleaning appointment a few weeks ago and he said that I have decay on my top right and bottom right and need to get them out. That would explain why they are giving me problems lately. He said considering how much decay is on them they are actually in ok condition. I use to only get pain with them when I ate gummy things like tootsie rolls or sticky candy so I learned to just avoid those all together. All of sudden this past week if I eat anything at all they are throbbing especially the bottom one. It does not ease up until I go to sleep that night and I'm good until I eat again the next morning. What's really strange I feel to pain in a totally different tooth than the actual wisdom tooth. My best friend is sa hygienist and she said the pain is radiating which explains that. Anyway, I can't get in to get them out until the end of June due to work and the cost of getting them out. I'm scared they are really going to get bad if I keep waiting. Does anyone have experience with this? ]]> Health Issues PinkLexi06 http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?51356-Wisdom-teeth