DD starts daycare today.. just looking for support

[katzmeow671]

Today is Gracie's first day of "school". We have been very blessed to have me be able to stay home for her first three months of life and to have my mom watch her the last few weeks. Mom was going to try and keep her until she was about two like she did with my first DD but her back just won't let her. She had back surgery about four years ago and its starting to bother her again to the extent of really worrying her. Obviously we'd rather her take care of her own health than jeopordize it just to take care of Gracie but it doesn't make the daycare decision any easier for any of us. I'm thankful that Gracie had four months with someone who absolutely loves and cares for her 100%. While I realize that no daycare will be like home, I think we've at least found one that will take good care of her and the biggest benefit is that its directly across the street from my office and DH's office (we work in the same complex but for different companies) so either one of us can go by and see her whenever we want. There are four older ladies that are in the infant room and all of them have been with the center for five years or more. One of them is a little 79 year old lady who is so very sweet. She loves rocking the babies they say. Several people from my office use this center and they all seem very pleased.

Like I said though, that doesn't make the emotional side of this any easier. I've been putting on a brave face for my mom because I know how badly she feels like she's disappointed us (even though we've told her over and over, back problems are certainly not a "fault". This morning I have a knot in my stomach. I know we'll all get through this and I know Gracie will grow up a happy, socialized little girl but the truth remains that in just an hour I have to leave my little girl in the hands of basic strangers and trust them to pick up my baby when she cries. To love her and give her the kisses she needs. To make sure she's not sitting around in a sopping wet diaper (no daycare horror stories here please...just encouragement and support... please?) My other DD went to daycare too but she was two by then. For some reason that made it easier. I could explain it to her like it was an adventure.

Think I need to go throw up now...... :(

[quest]

I don't have any personal experience with daycare but I just wanted to say I can completely understand how you feel. I'm sure there will be others who do have experience, though, and will post and reassure you that everything will be fine!

I'm sorry you have to go through this but I'm sure the first day is the hardest! Your DD is lucky to have such a loving mommy :)

[twinnyme]

Becca (5.5 months) has been in daycare since April 14th, her third-month birthday. We were lucky to find one that's right across the street from our house. So even though we don't get to see her during the day - you're lucky in that - we have a short commute after we pick her up. It does get easier (though I'm never sure if that is a good thing or not). I posted something just like you two months ago and it hurt like crazy. We did a "trial" morning with her first, and both DH and I went (he now does drop off and I do pick up) and afterwards I cried for 15 minutes straight with him holding me. There was one week lately that I cried every night on my way home from work, too. So it is ups and downs.

But generally we are happy with the center we have found (and the things I have been unhappy about - minor things - I've discussed with them and they've been resolved) and she seems to be thriving. She is always happy there (that I can tell - sometimes she smiles more at the daycare providers at the end of the day than me; that can hurt, too, but as people have said to me, it's also a good sign), she is on a good nap schedule there, and they seem to really love her - well, not like we do, of course, but in a way that works. They also have the same bouncy chair and exersaucer we have, so I like that consistency for her! :)

I hope you feel better soon, and good luck with the center you have found!

[Franni]

I feel your pain. My DD had the benefit of being cared for my mom for the first 8 months of her life, but my life had to return home finally to take care of the rest of the family.

The first time I left her there was a trial run. I was so heartbroken. I couldn't bear it. What made it worst was that she did not eat. She ate 4 oz the WHOLE DAY. Another layer of pain was added when after 3 days she got sick, more sick than she has ever been her entire little life. She had a fever that led to a cold that led to a hacking cough that led to a raging pair of ear infections. It makes me cry even now.

She is back at daycare now and this is first week back after her illness. Her eating and sleeping changes daily. I guess the advantage you have of leaving your baby when she's a little younger is that hopefully she has not developed stranger anxiety yet. For months, DD didn't care who held her as long as she is held. But now, she definitely knows that these women are not her mother and cries when I leave her.

[twinnyme]

I guess the advantage you have of leaving your baby when she's a little younger is that hopefully she has not developed stranger anxiety yet.

This is true - sad as it may be, our providers told us that the babies who start earlier have an easier time adjusting, because of this reason. I'm not looking forward to the stranger anxiety phase....

Also, just to reinforce what Franni said, although our situation wasn't as severe, DD was definitely sick for the first few weeks of daycare. She CONSTANTLY had a runny nose, and we all (DH, I, and she) cycled through being sick those first few weeks. Just be prepared for it - I wasn't totally prepared for when two weeks after she started, we needed to make arrangements to watch her at home (MIL watched her) because she had a fever and daycare sent her home. I have learned since then that all daycares are different in terms of the fever requirements (ours is 100.5; some are more lenient) so you may want to check the rules of yours.

ETA: Hope you're doing okay!

[camberne]

Awwww... just know that there are some wonderful daycares out there, with people who will love your daughter as if she were their own neice. My son was in daycare since he was a WEEK old... 8 days. I couldn't afford not to go back to work, I was a single mom. He was in the same daycare for 5 years and he still goes back (he's 13 now) to see his favorite "teacher" there, Miss Heather.

It'll get easier!! Just wait until the first day of school!! ;)

[katzmeow671]

Thank you all for your encouragement. It really does make me feel better just to know other mamas know where I'm coming from. When I left her this morning she was sitting on one of the teacher's laps just grinning away. I just called to check on her (I told myself I'd wait until 10!!) and they said she's still smiling and giggling and having a grand old time. I'm sorry I can't do individual replies right now.. I've been off work sick for the last two days and I'm playing catch up today but please know I do appreciate every single word. I'll be back later with another update. So far so good. I'm going to go see her at lunch. :)

[Ohana]

I remember the first day I dropped of DD (she was 3 months at the time, 19 months now). I sat in the car and cried my heart out. But every day got better. Like you, our daycare is close to my work, so I went and visited whenever I got the chance. Those first weeks were tough, but it does get better!

Now, I'm so glad that DD is in the capable hands of her loving teachers every day. She is a very happy, confident little girl, and I know that the daycare has helped make her that way. Even though it makes me a bit sad, she just walks right into her classroom every day and demands a hug from her teacher and then happily starts her day with her friends. I'm so grateful I was able to find this terrific daycare so close to my work!

[MamaBear]

I feel for you. I went back to work when DS was 3 mos. That first day was so hard! One of the things that made it ok was that I knew he was in good hands. He was in an at home day care. It was just him and the providers daughter who is 6 mos. older than DS. DS loved to be held all the time (he was a sling baby) and I knew that the sitter would hold him all day long if it made him feel better because she did the same with her DS when she was his age.
It does get easier every day. Now when I drop him off (16 mos. now), he looks for his friend. They run around and have some sort of language that they share because they make each other laugh all day long. He is healthy and happy. I know that it is hard now, but you do have something to look forward to- the reunion at the end of the day. The smiles and cuddles I get make my day.

[BooeyJ2]

Hi Betsey :)

Putting Paige in daycare was hard for us as well. Currently she's only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but it's still hard. It sounds like you've found a good daycare though. Our daycare is wonderful. Everything is scheduled (they check/change diapers every hour, feed every 2 hours - unless you note you want a longer or shorter time in between) and charted for us. When we drop her off we fill out her info (when she woke up, when/what she are last, when she was changed, etc). At the end of the day when we pick her up there is everything she's done (when she ate, slept, pooped, pee'd, etc). Everyone is super friendly and Paige gets plenty of attention there. The best thing about our daycare is the fact that they have an internet cam, so I can see what she's doing whenever I want (I have a laptop and computer monitor at work, so I leave up her little webcam on one screen all day......right now she's playing on the little activity mat hehe). I think the hardest part about daycare (or just the fact that I have to work period) is all the things I might miss out on. For instance my FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK...she decides to roll over! Uggh...I nearly lost it. Luckily my sister was with her that day, so at least someone in the family was there to see it :)

Daycare isn't so bad. At least they are in a fun, safe environment. I feel MUCH better about leaving her there rather than with a babysitter or something (we've all seen those Oprah shows with hidden cameras where the nanny or whoever is beating the babies :()


Hang in there Bets! :p

[littlebear]

So how did it go? My son just started daycare a few weeks ago (at 7 months). One suggestion if you haven't already done so, put a disposable camera in his cubby and ask his provider if she will take photos for you if your baby reaches a milestone while at daycare.

My son's daycare is a few blocks from my office. I go visit him everyday at lunch for a few minutes. Sometimes if I'm out for a meeting, I'll peek in the door at him too. It just makes me feel good to see him smiling and playing with the other babies.

[katzmeow671]

Littlebear The camera is a GREAT idea! Thanks for the suggestion! I know as Gracie gets older it will be harder on her for me to stop by and then leave so I'll probably resort to just peeking in the windows too.

Booey Hi there! :) Oh you are so lucky to have an internet cam! I would LOVE to be able to watch her every move! Kayla went to daycare when she was two and it was a wonderful thing for her but I think its so hard this time because Gracie is still a baby. The ladies in her room though are all older grandma types and they just rock and love on the babies all day long.

Mamabear
The smiles and cuddles I get make my day.
You've got that right! Her smile just kills me! She was grinning up a storm this morning. She is a very very happy baby and I guess as long as she stays that way I'll know she's doing alright.

Ohana Isn't it hard when they get to be SO independent... when they make the move from baby to little boy/ girl. Motherhood will play with your heartstrings like nothing else you'll ever experience!

Thank you all for your support yesterday. We picked Gracie up around 5:15 and she was napping away. They said she really had a great day. All of the teachers gushed about what a sweetheart she is and how they are so excited to have another girl in the class. The room is FULL of boys and only two girls. When we were leaving the daycare last night we bumped into a couple who was in our childbirth class. As it turns out, their son is in Gracie's room! They have been bringing him there since he was 8 weeks old and they love it. So, I'm a bit more comfortable today. I know she'll be ok.. and Mama will be too. :)