Support For Ladies Who Have Miscarried

[Tiniest Angels]

This thread has been set up for ladies who have experienced a miscarried. It's a place to discuss our emotions, struggles, and successes. If you have experienced, or are currently experiencing a miscarriage, we hope you will join us. This is a place to talk openly while also offering comfort and encouragement.

Your threadmistress: Alliannie

If you would like to be added to this thread then please post your stats in red.

Also, if you have any links that have helped you, feel free to post those and we will add them.


*posting your stat’s is not mandatory

[Tiniest Angels]

OUR MEMBERS

ajjlanden
Name:Ashley, 28
DH: Doug, 33
Married: June 28, 2005
M/C naturally at 7 weeks
TTC: NOW!
DD: Danielle Judith 12-15-04
*update*
BFP 12/9/05
EDD 08/23/06

alliannie
Name:Annie,22
DH:Adam,23
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C (D&C) @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: January 2006

amygrrl
me: amy (35)
dh: dan (33)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.

brenda
Name: Brenda, 22
DH: Sweetie, 36
Married: September, 2005
M/C naturally at 8 weeks (11/10/05)
TTC: February? (will depend)

bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

bunnybeth
Name: Bethany, 27DH: Elon, 28
Married: June 23, 2002
M/C naturally at 12w1d (12/7/05)
TTC: January 2006
*UPDATE*
BFP 2/14/06
EDD: 10/25/06

Calla Lilly
Name:Erin, 31
DH: Gary 36
Married: August 2006
M/C medicated 9w3d on 11/16/05
TTC: January 2006?

CapeCod04
Me: Kate, 44
DH: Aron 35
mc: medicated 8w2d
TTC: not


Chagtown
Me: Alissa
DH: Brian
Married: 07/05/03
M/C: 07/29/05: 6w,4d
M/C: 09/14/05: 6w, 6d
TTC: Now

dlj78
Me: Dana, 27
DH: Nick, 31
Married: 9-18-04
Miscarred: Still waiting
TTC: whenever we get the ok from the doc

dpangel33
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 31
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: January 30, 2006
EDD: October 9, 2006

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.
*update*
BFP: 10/05/05
EDD: 06/18/06

foofie357
Name: Steff, 26
DH: Brian, 26
Married: November 24, 2001
M/C: 9 weeks. D&E Feb 23. I am considering this her date, but she had died about a week before that.
TTC: April 06
DS: Christopher 8-12-04


Happy27
Name:happy 27
DH: 29
Married: April 27, 2002
M/C in process - the baby measured 6 weeks but should be about 9 weeks we are waiting for the baby to pass and contemplating a D&C
TTC: As soon as possible
DS: Benjamin 8-14-04


jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB
*UPDATE*
EDD: 6/21/06

JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year
*UPDATE*
BFP: 11/26/05
EDD: 8/6/06

Jenzen01
Me: Jen, 28
DH: Al, 37
DS: Gabe, born 12.21.04
Married: 10.4.03
Miscarred: 8 weeks, naturally, Oct. 2005
TTC: probably end of the 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/2/06
EDD: 10/18/06

jjsanner
Name:Jen, 31
DH: Eric, 33
Married: April 26, 2003
DS: Elijah 02-06-04
M/C: 02-10-06 at approx. 5 weeks


Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

katmg
Name: Kat, 26
DH: 31
Married: November 08, 2003
M/C: 2/04/06 @ 6 1/2 weeks
TTC: Dr. wants us to wait 2 cycles

kdotp
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006
*Update*
BFP: July 11, 2005
EDD: March 14, 2006


Lilla
Name: Kim, 30
DH: Tony, 33
Married: 10/12/02
M/C: naturally @ 10 weeks, 11/26/05
TTC: January 2006


lissy
Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year

LDS Angel 19
Me: Michelle, 22
DH: Aaron, 23
Married: September 4th, 2004
Our angel Allison Grace June 17th 2005 @ 22 wks, With us on earth 40 mins
TTC: August 2005

Lil_Mrs_0702
Name:April,21
DH: Shannon,25
Married: July 02, 2005
M/C partial molar at 11 weeks had D&C
*Update*
I think I'm pregnant!! 5 1/2 weeks!!!!


Nigellas
Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/11/06
EDD: 10/24/06


polkadot
Name: Lauren , 26
DH: Brian, 27
Married: November 20, 2004
M/C: 1/12/06 @ 5 1/2 weeks
TTC: Now!!!

purplesunshine7
married 4/5/03
me:28
dh:28
m/c june 2,2005
ttc: july 2005
*UPDATE*
EDD 12/5/06

rene'
Name: Rene', 35
DH: Todd, 36
Married: December 23, 1990
2 DD's: 12/18/94, 03/30/98
M/C: 9/02: 6w
M/C: 12/02: 5w
M/C: 11/7/05: 10w (naturally, no d&c)
TTC: not sure



Sabriel
Name: C, 24
DH: J, 23
Married: May 22, 2005
M/C: @ 6 weeks 4 days, October 15, 2005
TTC: Not sure yet
*update*
BFP: 12/11/05
EDD: 8/22/06


shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now
*update*
BFP: October 12, 2005
EDD: June 21, 2006

Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?
*UPDATE*
BFP: 8/16/05
EDD: 4/29/06


Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/C: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

[Tiniest Angels]

Please Post Updates in RED!:)

[Tiniest Angels]

Inspiration!!!!

Happily PG

ajlanden: EDD 8/23/06

jennylou:EDD 8/6/06

jenzen01: EDD 10/18/06

excitedbride: EDD 6/18/06

kdotp: EDD 3/14/06

Lil_Mrs_0702:

Nigellas: EDD 10/24/06

shouldaeloped: EDD 6/21/06

Sabriel: EDD 8/22/06

sully130: EDD 4/29/06

erickandjarrett: EDD 10/9/06

Purplesunshine7: EDD 12/5/06

Mommies!

[Tiniest Angels]

What is a Miscarriage? [/

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the natural or accidental termination of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or the fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined at a gestation of prior to 20 weeks. Miscarriages are the most common complication of pregnancy. The term "abortion" refers to any terminated pregnancy, deliberately induced or spontaneous, although in common parlance it refers specifically to active termination of pregnancy.

Types of Miscarriages

A threatened abortion is the development of symptoms (bleeding with or without cramps or low back pain) that often suggest impending miscarriage. With such a presentation of bleeding, 50% proceed to miscarriage of the pregnancy.

Inevitable abortion
The miscarriage of a pregnancy is inevitable when any of the following symptoms are present:

There is an obvious rupture of membranes
An open cervix
There is tissue in the cervix
There is an absence of fetal heart at a βHCG level consistent with fetal heart activity
When any of these symptoms are detected, management involves conservative observation, monitoring for heavy bleeding and sepsis, and a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Incomplete abortion
An incomplete abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when tissue has been passed, but some remains in utero. It can result in severe bleeding, infection or intrauterine scarring. Management consists of a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Septic abortion
The infection of the womb carries risk of spreading infection (septicaemia) and is a grave risk to the life of the woman. It may follow an incomplete miscarriage and previously was a problem for pregnancies that occurred if a Dalkon Shield IUD had failed in its contraception. This has been particularly associated with abortions performed in non-sterile circumstances, common where abortions are carried out illegally and/or by poorly skilled and equipped operators.[


A missed abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when the fetus has died, but remains in the uterus. Many cases of missed abortion will lead to a spontaneous abortion within days. Occasionally, a dilatation and currettage is necessary to remove the pregnancy tissue. That's because there is a risk of maternal coagulation abnormality if the tissue remains in the uterus for several weeks.

Habitual abortion (recurrent pregnancy loss or recurrent miscarriage) is the occurrence of 3 consecutive miscarriages. The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards, so statistically the occurrence of three abortions at 0.34%[3]) is regarded as "habitual".
There are various medical conditions associated with this problem, some of which may be corrected with medication.


Common causes of Miscarriages

Uterine Abnormalities
Ectopic Pregnancy
Blighted Ovum
Luteal Phase Defects
Autoimmune Disorders
Molar Pregnancy

[Tiniest Angels]

Links

http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/miscarriage/resources.html
http://www.realsavvymoms.com/pregnan...iscarriage.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miscarriage


Books

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss -- Guidance and Support for You and Your Family
by Perry-Lynn Moffitt, Isabelle A. Wilkins, Ingrid Kohn
Support for this often unrecognized loss. Includes information on how men and women grieve differently, stress management in subsequent pregnancies, etc.

A Woman Doctor's Guide to Miscarriage: Essential Facts and Up-To-The
Minute Information on Coping With Pregnancy Loss and Trying Again
by Irene Daria, Laurie Abkemeier (Editor), Lynn Friedman

Coping With Miscarriage: A Simple, Reassuring Guide to Emotional and Physical Healing
by Mimi Luebbermann
Pregnancy councelor writes about emotional and physical stages of miscarriage.

Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss
by Sherokee Ilse
Support.

Empty Arms: Emotional Support for Those Who Have Suffered Miscarriage or Stillbirth
by Pam W. Vredevelt
Christian-based emotional support.

How to Prevent Miscarriage and Other Crisis of Pregnancy
by Carol Colman, Stefan Semchyshyn
Information of preventing future losses.

Never Held You: an ebook about miscarriage
by Ellen M. DuBois
Who are we? We are professionals in the workforce or professional mothers. We are painters and singers. We are caretakers and we are movie stars. Some of us may have children; while some of us don't. The one thing that connects us all is that we are women who experienced a miscarriage that seemed, in many cases, to go unacknowledged by many. We have all felt the dismissal of our very real grief and we have all felt alone and isolated because of it. We cry our tears together. You are not alone in your struggle to get through this . . .
http://dlsijpress.com/dubois/index.shtml

Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream
by Sherokee Ilse & Linda Hammer Burns
This is what I would consider a short form book of information and support. It's a fast read, but some people will want more depth.

Miscarriage: The Facts
(Oxford Medical Publications) 2nd Edition
by Gillian C. L. Lachelin

Miscarriage: What Every Woman Needs to Know
by Professor Lesley Regan
Information on causes, process, treatment, chances of successful pregnancy,
miscarriage and infertility.

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart
by Marie Allen, Ph.D. & Shell Marks, M.S.
Stories of support from many women. A very emotional read, but worth it.

Motherhood after Miscarriage
by Dr. Kathleen Diamond (Ph.D. biochemistry)
Medical info and support.

Stories of Miscarriage - Healing with Words
edited by Rachel Faldet and Karen Fitton
Moving writings from both mothers and fathers.

Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News
by Jonathan Scher, M.D.
A good look into the medical causes of loss and information on testing and prevention.

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A Complete Sourcebook for Women and Their Families
(revised & updated)
by Rochelle Friedman, MD & Bonnie Gradstein, MPH
An in-depth look at the physical and emotional, with a section on husbands & other family. Some stories, a good resource list, and great bibliography.

A Time To Decide, A Time To Heal
Molly Minnock, MSW, Kathleen Delp, ACSW and Mary Ciotti, MD
This is a book for parents who are making difficult decisions about babies they love. It's written by mothers & fathers who have faced the news of a fetal anomaly with grief & courage. Topics include: Making decisions (continuing & interrupting the pregnancy), taking control, medical procedures, couples healing, selective fetal reduction and subsequent pregnancies.

Unspeakable Losses: Understanding the Experience of Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, and Abortion
Kim Kluger-Bell
A therapist's look at the loss of a baby -- includes a number of personal stories. Looks at subjects including knowing of an in-utero death before the physical loss takes place, selective reduction, abortion for genetic reasons, loss after infertility, etc.

Moving on

If and when you are ready to move on to a thread for TTC there are these threads available:

TTC after a Loss
TTC w/ Charting
Plus Size and TTC
Seeing What Happens
Still At It
TTC at 35+

Or if you have decided to wait these threads are available:

Ladies in Waiting
Charting to Aviod

[Sabriel]

Well, I suppose this is as good a time as any. I definitely need someone to talk to.

I am pretty sure that I am miscarrying. I started spotting red blood and cramping on Wednesday evening. I called my MW the next morning. She sent me to have my hcg and progesterone levels checked. Long story short, they never called with the results and I couldn't get ahold of them. The lab also sent the results to by GP, so I called them. The doctor said that my hcg level showed that I was only 3-4 weeks pregnant and my progesterone was on the low side. She didn't give me the numbers. Well, at the time I was actually 6 weeks 2 days by my O date. This is not a good sign, right?

All day Thursday and Friday I was bleeding red a little lighter that AF. I was having cramps, but the weird thing is that I think they were actually contractions. I could time them usually 3 minutes apart, sometimes as much as 10 minutes apart for 2 days straight. Each time the pain gradually increased, peaked and then decreased to almost nothing until the next one came. I could sleep through them, but if I was awake I had to stop and breathe until it passed.

Yesterday, I was just cramping in the morning. I passed 2 clots/tissue each about the size of a grape in the early afternoon. A few hours later the bleeding slowed way down and then it stopped for about 12 hours. This morning the bleeding started again with AF cramps. I am feeling now like AF is here. My body feels totally different now. I don't feel pregnant anymore. Does that make sense?

I am going to call the MW first thing tomorrow morning. I think that I am supposed to have my hcg checked again. I also need to find out about the other bloodwork that they ran last Monday. I think I need to find out my blood type to see if I need an injection, right? If I do need the injection, when do I need to get it? I am worried that I won't get tomorrows results until Tuesday. Will that be too late? Since the MW never called me back, I am really scared that they are going to overlook something. I am really upset with them. I do not believe that they have dealt with this very well at all. This has been going on for 5 days now. Shouldn't someone have told me by now if I am for sure miscarrying or not? I really think I am, but since no one in the medical field has actually told me, part of me is still unsure. I don't think DH believes it yet, but maybe he is just in denial. Then I feel sad that I actually want someone to tell me that I am having a miscarriage. But then maybe we can start grieving and moving on.

Thanks so much for reading if you made it through.

[papergirl]

for any ladies currently approching O i wish you all the best. it would be great to have more good news this month. you know i really belive that my chant is helping bring on the BFP so i will repeat let's go sperm! get ready eggs! happy, healthy conception and lots of baby dust.

jaylin good luck this cycle.. i hope this is *it* for you.

sabriel i'm so sorry you are having these difficulties with your pregnancy and MW. it does sound like you are m/c. i hope you get to speak with your MW soon and that you get the answers you need and deserve.

i had a natural m/c at 8 weeks. ultrasounds showed the baby being about 6 weeks. most of my pregnancy symptoms were gone around week 7. during the m/c i had a lot of cramping that came in waves.. like contractions i assume though i have never experienced delivery (this was my first pregnancy). when i finally passed the baby my clear symptoms (other then passing clots) where extream fatigue and lower back pain.

for me i remember a deep desire for the whole process to be over. i just wanted to move on. seeing the bleeding was just too much. i felt like the pregnancy had ended and i just wanted the "stuff" to be over with so i could move on to TTC. i was extreamly upset over the m/c and the only hope i had at that time was knowing i could try again. i think it's natural to just want to know if it's a m/c and get past the process. we all go through it so please don't beat yourself up over this.

as for the shot, i did not need one so i can't say a lot about that. maybe one of the other girls has an answer. please keep us updated.

[purplesunshine7]

[COLOR="Red"]purplesunshine7
married 4/5/03
me:28
dh:28
m/c june 2,2005
ttc: july 2005


I hope this thread suites everyones need. I know it will be just find for me. I am trying again but every now and then I still get depressed and just need advice or just to vent.I am sorry that any of us have to be here at all. Lots of baby dust to all that want it.

[gator97]

I lurked a lot in the last thread and it helped me tremendously. I was feeling guilty because I didn't feel like I deserved to grieve since it was a chemical pregnancy. I truly appreciate everyone being so open about their feelings because it helped me so much to know that I was valid in the emotions I was feeling.

Sabriel-I have been worrying about you all weekend. I saw your post in the pregnancy thread. I am SO sorry about your loss. They may have taken your blood type when they did your initial bloodwork. That is what they did with me.. .so hopefully you will get that tomorrow. If you are RH- (the + or - in your bloodtype indicates this) then you will need a shot of RhIg--or RhoGham. If you have a negative blood type, you'll want to get this very soon. I would be insistent with your midwife tomorrow that you need to know your blood type ASAP. If you don't have a negative bloodtype, then you don't have to worry about it.

You will also want to have your HcG levels checked again. You ultimately want the levels to go back down below 5. They need to keep checking until that happens so you can be sure you don't need further medical care.

Please don't be mad at yourself. Not knowing for sure what is happening must be very scary. And feeling like your MW isn't being very helpful must be frustrating.

I hope you are able to get answers soon.

[Sabriel]

gator97 Thanks for the info about the injection. I know they did check my bloodtype when they did all of the original pg bloodwork. They just never called me with the results. :rolleyes: (This seems like a reoccuring theme.) I will be sure to find out first thing in the morning. I will also make sure they recheck my hcg.

I have been thinking about you also. We both got our BFPs on the same day, and it is so sad that we have to meet again like this. :( I hope you are doing okay.

bumbleI have to say that I LOVE your conception chant! I hope it works for you!

Looking back, many of my pregnancy symptoms (except for the bloating) stopped a few days before the bleeding. This is my first pregnancy also, but I just kept thinking "this has got to be just like having contractions." I have also been having the lower back pain since Wednesday. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It really does help. I am so sorry that you had to go through it, though.

As for trying again, sometimes I think I just want a baby NOW. Another part of me is so scared and doesn't want to try again for awhile. For now, I think we will wait a bit (you are supposed to wait a few months anyway, right?) to give us time to heal. Already, I keep seeing babies and it seems like everyone is talking about babies all of the time. My best friend is TTC and she called about an hour ago to talk about strollers and cribs and all kids of wonderful baby stuff she was looking at at USA Baby. Except for my family, no one knew that we pg (or TTC), so I know I can't really blame them. I just want to crawl in a hole. Probably the worst part of this whole thing, though is that yesterday was our 6 year dating anniversary. Not exactly how I wanted to spend that day. :(

I'm so sorry to vent like this, but I am so glad to have you girls to talk to. Not glad that we have to be here, but you KWIM.

[gator97]

bumble - hope that chant keeps working. . I'm in the 2WW.

Sabriel- I'm doing okay, thank you so much for asking. It does stink that this is how we must meet again. Hopefully next time we'll be sticky pregnancy buddies rather than just BFP buddies.

I had a while where I cried at the drop of a hat. Now, I'm just discouraged. There are babies all around us. Some close friends are pregnant, I hosted a baby shower for another good friend on Saturday, two friends just had babies. And I'm just so jealous and impatient for our turn. The universe's gentle (or not so gentle) way of telling me I need to learn more patience

There seems to be differing viewpoints on medically how long you should wait. Some say 1 cycle, some say 3 (and it depends on whether you miscarry naturally or have a D&C). Emotionally, though, you should wait as long as you need. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need.

[pacificbliss]

I am still spending my time on the pregnancy threads when really I should be here. On Friday the 7th I went in for an ultrasound. They told me my pregnancy was not progressing and that I would miscarry. I had the D & C on the 8th. I am still heartbroken. I am both anxious and terrified to try again.

Sabriel I have been following what has been happening with you and I am sorry to see you here. I know how you feel.

I was 7 and a half weeks when it happened. We had three good ultrasounds and three good HCG counts in a row. We had just begun to tell people when we got the bad news.

I have a quick question...what is a chemical pregnancy?

[gator97]

pacificbliss - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

A chemical pregnancy is basically a very early miscarriage.

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here!

[RileyMom]

SabrielI am so very sorry about your loss. :( I saw your thread earlier about cramping/bleeding and my heart broke for you. No one should have to go through this. It just sucks. I hope you will find support here, I think all of us can relate a bit to how you are feeling. {{{HUGS}}}

PacificblissI am sorry to hear of your loss as well. I too, had every single sign that things were progressing normally and healthy. I had *two* ultrasounds that showed a nice heartbeat and growth. And my numbers were through the roof. So much so, that when they did the 2nd ultrasound, they thought there was a possibility I could be having twins because my numbers were only supposed to be in the thousands at that point, and they were in the tens of thousands. I still struggle with this. I do not understand how I could have had such incredibly high numbers and a heartbeat and bam, the pregnancy ends the following week. :(

Jay&Erinn My heart goes out to you right now. I know I am going to feel exactly the same way. My OB has already told me they will get me in for an early u/s when I get my positive hpt. I know that an early u/s is not going to save a pregnancy if it is going to end in m/c anyway, but I think its just nice to know that your doctors are doing all they can. I think the way they are treating you is horrible. I would demand better care, or I would seriously go elsewhere. I know that everyone says "well there is nothing they can do anyway," and while that may be true, there is such a thing as COMPASSION for women who have suffered a loss in previous pregnancies. Leaving you hanging by a thread and not even being willing to see you is just plain cruel for a woman that has suffered two losses already. I am getting all steamed up here just thinking about it.

I swear ladies, the more I am reading about unempathetic doctors, the more pissed I am getting. :mad:

Hi to everyone else!

[ajlanden]

sabriel-I am so sorry to see you here...so sorry. I actually keep lurking in the June thread and saw your news last week. I was so hoping that it would all be okay. The worst part is how uncooperative your midwife has been. I think that is my largest emotion right now, why can't the medical profession have a little COMPASSION!!!!!! I hope you can get anwers today. I know that once I FINALLY heard the news (although I knew it in my heart), I felt a lot better. Still horrible sad, but at least we could all move one. ~many, many hugs to you today~

pacificbliss-Gosh, I am sorry for your loss. I have the same emotions about trying again. It totally changes everything.

gator-HOpe the 2WW is fast and VERY PRODUCTIVE!!! :p

purplesunshine-Thanks for your input on the thread! I totally agree...how do you ever completely get past it? You don't. Much luck TCC!!! Can't wait to join you!

bumble-Thanks again for starting this thread!!!!!!! You are awesome! If you see anything that needs fixed that I mess up, please feel free to help! :eek:

Oh and for all you newly pg ladies, please stop by with your fresh ~baby dust~!!!! You are in our thoughts!!!

[Jenzen01]

Hi all.

I'm doing a bit better today. My bleeding is more like heavy spotting now, and I actually had one day this weekend with almost nothing. I'm so glad to at least see a slow down. For a while, I was wondering if this would go on for weeks.

We're doing better emotionally, too, although I still cry at moments.

The frustrating part is that I want to be pregnant NOW. I hate the idea that it could be a very long time before I have another baby because we're supposed to wait until the beginning of the year to try again. (I also want to be done breastfeeding.)

sabriel - so sorry to hear your news. i know how you feel, and my heart aches for you.

Jen

[papergirl]

gator: Keeping happy spirits for you.

ajlanden: You are more then welcome and THANK YOU for being the threadmaster.

sabriel: As someone said, doctors seem to differ on when you can try again. I was told to wait one cycle but longer if emotionally I was not ready. I think as time progresses I am actually getting worse emotionally. For me it’s been a journey that gets harder when I don’t expect it.

And thanks for loving my chant. This is my third time to say. The first two times were both followed up by someone announcing a BFP. I hope it happens again and again!

Question: Did anyone see Grey’s Anatomy last night? A character on the show had an ectopic pregnancy and she is someone that is very unemotional. She has not shown a lot of sadness towards the pregnancy ending and was actually considering abortion. At the end of the show she broke down and just balled like a baby. This of course makes me tear up. Then the father of the baby (a Doctor she never told about the pregnancy) holds her and I just wanted to cry. OK, I think I did cry. It was so sweet and touching. I was wondering is anyone else had these same reactions.

[RileyMom]

Bumble I saw it too. And I cried. One of the things I have learned from this experience is that you can think you have it all under control (like she did) and then it all sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I know its just a show, but I was very touched by that storyline. For once, I think tv might have gotten it right.

[shouldaeloped]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to stop by to say thank you for starting the new thread. this has been such a great support to me over the past year and I am so glad it's still here for anyone going through this right now.

sabriel- I am so sorry. words can't make it better, I know that. it takes time. and I don't think the scars and the pain and fear ever leave you. I keep telling myself that this must have happened for a reason. someone I love is going to miscarry and without anyone else in my family having been through this, they are going to need a rock. there has to be a reason because this is way too painful for anyone to have to go through without a reason. this is a long journey, longer for some than for others, but it's definitely personal and unique to each of us. and I am so so sorry that you have to start yours out like this. especially with that yucky midwife that won't call you back.

pacificbliss and gator- I'm so sorry you two have to join us as well. this is happening to way too many of us. I hope you both have speedy recoveries and sticky BFP's soon!

jay&erinn- going through the same thing here. BFP last week, doctor appointment not scheduled until next week. I finally called today and suggested they set me up with the lab for Betas and Progesterone. we'll see how they react. they have nothing to lose... I have everything to lose. sigh.

anyway... I did want do drop off some fresh ~*~* BABY DUST *~*~ for everyone. here's to more sticky BFP's soon!

[papergirl]

pacificbliss like you i spend A LOT of time lurking in the pregnancy thread, group mom's thread etc. i think most of us do this.

rileymom it was such a great storyline! i should be O'ing soon so me and DH had a date to BD after the show. not the most ideal time to start crying. :rolleyes:

[ajlanden]

pacificbliss-I am a guilty lurker too. :confused:

shouldaeloped-I am sure the baby dust is appreciated!!! I leave it for everyone else, but make sure to come back next month and leave some more!

Rileymom-I have lost all faith in our medical profession...can you really get that cold after being a doc for too long?

Jen-Glad you bleeding is slowing down! I too want to be pg now. It is just so unfair.

Question: Not that it really matters, but I am starting to chart again and I am not sure when to begin my chart. Should I start it from when I first started bleeding or when I actually know I m/c'd? I am waiting one cylce...then it is ON!!!! The goodnews is that I have finally stopped bleeding.

[papergirl]

ajlanden: so you just stopped bleeding from the m/c, right? at some point you will start bleeding again - this being your period. you should start charting at the start of this bleeding since each cycle begins with the start of your period.

[ajlanden]

bumble-That makes sense, but I want to know if I am going to ovulate after all this crap...maybe I'll just starting temping and not really start a chart. Then once I get AF, I will officially start charting. Thanks!

[papergirl]

ajlanden i see, you want to start BD before you get your period, right?

we did that as well. i temped and wrote my temps down on a chart but did not use it in the official way as having a CDx since like you i did not know when to "officially" begin. i just temped, wrote my temps down and watched my CM.

i think i recall reading that for some people they O around the same time they would had they not been pregnant. so i looked at my past charts and predicted when my O date would be had i not gotten pregnant based on the number of days in my normal cycle. so the cycle i m/c i O'd on assumed CD23 and normally i O on CD25 so i was very close. for me it meant i got my period about two weeks after i stopped bleeding from the m/c.

HTH.

[ajlanden]

We are going to use protection this month...I just more curious to see if my body will get back to normal.

So, I want to make sure I am understand you...you recall that the O date "should" be around the time you would've O'd had you NOT been pg at all. So I m'c around 7 weeks, so I should be Oing anytime now even though I just now done with the bleeding... Hmmmm.... I was thinking it would be a couple weeks from now. I would love it to be sooner!!!! Thank you!

[RileyMom]

Ajlanden As you know, my situation was different because I had a d&c. We were not allowed to bd for 2 weeks after the d&c anyway. Then around 17 days after my d&c, (right about the time we got the green light to bd again) I started getting cm, then ewcm, so we abstained again. Two (almost three) weeks later, I got AF (yesterday). In all I got AF 36 days after the d&c. My cycle is normally 28, so it was 7 days longer.

We did not use protection (bad, I know), and I did not temp, but I just paid really close attention to my body's signals.

I am only charting this time just to see what is going on and to make sure my body is doing what it is supposed to. I will probably do it for a few months to be sure I am back on track, but probably not long term.

[kdotp]

Thank you for including me, ladies. I know I haven't been around much, I'm still trying to adjust to the fact I'm pg.


Update: BFP July 11
EDD: March 14, 2006

I'm almost 19 weeks, and it seems incredible that I've made it this far. That doesn't keep me from having tons of fears and worries and doubts every day about how things are going. I think I will always have them, no matter how many times I'm pg.

At my first appointment, my OB felt a cyst on one of my ovaries, which she thought was probably helping sustain this pg. It has since gone away, but I'm going to inquire about progesterone therapy for any subsequent pregnancies. It may not always solve the problem, but it's worth trying.

ajlanden It varies from woman to woman and even m/c to m/c. My first m/c, I probably O'd only 4 or so days later than "normal." My second m/c I O'd about 11 days later than normal. Looking back at my charts, it appears both times I had EWCM.

[Sabriel]

Sabriel
Name: C, 24
DH: J, 23
Married: May 22, 2005
M/C: @ 6 weeks 4 days, October 15, 2005
TTC: Not sure yet

I talked to the midwife today. I definitely miscarried this weekend. I am so relieved to finally know for sure. Now I can grieve properly and try to move on.

ajlanden I have the same question. For now, I started CD 1 as the firsst day the bleeding started. Only because that is what I would do if it was AF. I don't know if that's right or not. I am wondering if I will O also. I started temping, so I guess we'll see.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies- I came to check out the new thread (wish we didn't have to have one in the first place:rolleyes: ).

I'm hanging in there. I'm thinking about calling my doc's office tomorrow and hoping I don't get the same witch on the phone. Maybe I can get some beta levels drawn and see if this pregnancy is progressing OK. I REALLY don't want to wait until next Tuesday to get any info.

shouldaeloped: Did you get a return phone call??? Wondering how it went.

RileyMom: Thanks so much for your words of support. I would switch offices in a minute, except the next closest office is 30 minutes away. My first pregnancy (which resulted in my daughter) was really rough on me- I wasn't able to drive and was blacking out quite often. This office is 5 minutes away, so I could usually find someone to take me to appts. I also love a few of the docs- unfortunately I keep getting stuck with one of the two I don't like. If I can get through to the nurse tomorrow and get an appt with a doc I like, I'll let it go and complain to the doc about the treatment. If I can't get any results tomorrow, I may change practices and do the best I can.

ajlanden: I did the same thing bumble did- O'ed right around CD14. I was still bleeding from my m/c, but O'ed anyway. I only had 6 days without some form of bleeding or spotting from the start of my m/c to the start of AF. Good luck.

kdotp: Yea for making it to 19 weeks. Good luck the rest of the pregnancy. Keep coming back with updates:D

Sabriel: I'm sorry for your loss. Glad you're starting to be able to grieve. Stop by for all the support you need.

[shouldaeloped]

jay&erinn- I did get a call back approximately 4 hours later. it was my doctor this time instead of the nurse and she was wonderful. she reminded me of a conversation she and I had after I miscarried the second time about going on progesterone pretty much immediately. so she called in a prescription for me that I picked up today. she did discourage the beta and prog. check at this stage in the game since other than the prog, if my betas and/or prog were low, there wouldn't be anything she could do anyway. so I was satisfied with going on the prog today. I did come to the realization though that I don't think they talk to each other in the office. I called to tell my PB I was pg, and the nurse returned my call (this was to set the original appointment) when I talked to my OB, she acted like she had no idea I was pg or had called last week at all. It was very odd to me as I had to ask special permission to see her intead of the NP. and she had no idea I was pg????? I guess you have to talk to the right person and ask the right questions to get any kind of an answer. I have called her 4 times since I got my BFP last Wednesday. :o I guess I'm going to be one of THOSE patients. Please let me know how your phone call goes tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you.

in other news.. I am terrified every day. been quite crampy, sometimes sharp without any other real symptoms. scaring me to death. it's really a shame how the trauma and scarring of a m/c never really leaves you.

[papergirl]

I should be O’ing any day. I am currently on CD27. I really wish it would happen today but my CM is still steady so I fear it’s going to be another day (please don’t let it be more then that!). Tonight I think I’ll be seducing my husband.

This cycle I’m trying something I refer to as “positive thinking for a positive aura.” It’s totally made up but I’m totally convinced it’s going to seal the deal. :cool: Basically I am trying to stay happy-happy-happy during these pre-O days. It’s all about positive thoughts and envisioning my egg meeting Mr. Sperm.

You may recall that last cycle I did something similar.. I avoided any talk (including online) that had to do with TTC. It was all about eliminating the stress and worry about it happening. Umm, it didn’t work! The stress was gone but I was still babyless. I think the key thing (that was missing) was happy thoughts.

I might be delusional but at least I’m not crying –yet. :)

I'm sprinklin' baby bust on myself.:p

[papergirl]

kdopt: i can't believe it's been 19 weeks. congratulations !! i hope your pregnancy continues to go smoothly. did your doctor do anything different with this pregnancy?

jay+erinn please keep up posted on how things go with your doctor.

shouldaeloped i'm happy to hear that you are on progesterone. i know doctors don't necessarily agree on it but if it doesn't hurt the baby then i'm all for doing something to at least attempt to avoid a m/c.

i hope all of you ladies will keep us posted about what your doctors may be doing differently. it will surly help all of us who hope to follow in your shoes.

[ajlanden]

bumble-Keep those happy thoughts coming! It can't hurt! Have fun with the seduction! :eek:

shouldaeloped-Remember that cramping is normal! But I am sure that freaking out is normal too! I am glad you got some progesterone!

jay&erin-I'm with you, I would way rather do away with this thread.

Thanks for the help ladies! I hope I have some O'ing action soon!

Good luck to all!

Off to update...

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here!

[taraw]

Hi ladies. Well, I am totally freaking out. I started spotting last night and I am still spotting this morning. It is only a tiny bit, but this is how my last miscarriage started. I called my doctor's office over 3 hours ago, as soon as they opened. I was told I would be getting a call back from either the doctor or a nurse as soon as possible. Aaarrrggg! Don't they know that this type of stuff can make a person crazy? I just wish they would call and ask me to come in. I know there is nothing they can do if I am going to miscarriage again, but they could at least check my hcg levels to see if they are where they should be. I just want to know!

[shouldaeloped]

taraw- I'm sorry you are spotting again. let's hope it's just normal spotting and that everything is going to be fine. from what I hear, it can be perfectly normal to spot a little during pregnancy. please keep us posted on what your doctor says. I'm saying a little prayer for you!

aj- thanks for the reminder on the cramping being normal. it feels like these first 14 week are going to be nothing even close to normal. trying very hard to keep my sanity!

bumble- sounds like you have a good evening planned!!!

here's some fresh ~*~* BABY DUST*~*~ for you and tons of STICKY VIBES for Taraw!!!

[RileyMom]

Tara {{{hugs}} This is awful, isn't it? A lot of times spotting can mean absolutely nothing, but once you've had a miscarriage, it means EVERYTHING. I am sending tons of thoughts and prayers your way. Please let us know what the doctor says, okay?

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: You're in my thoughts. Hopefully it's just nothing. I know how you feel. Spotting makes your mind race, thinking of all the bad possibilities. Doesn't help when the doc's office make you wait around forever. Put your feet up until you hear from them. Keep us posted.

I called my doc's office 4 hours ago. I got a different receptionist who felt I should bypass the nurse and talk to a nurse practicioner (who's very nice). Unfortunately she's was with a patient. I'm still waiting for a call back. I hate waiting.

[Nigellas]

How scary, Tara! :( You are on progesterone, right? Sometimes the suppositories can cause spotting. Hoping for the best for you. Let us know what the doctor says.

[shouldaeloped]

I called my doc's office 4 hours ago. I got a different receptionist who felt I should bypass the nurse and talk to a nurse practicioner (who's very nice). Unfortunately she's was with a patient. I'm still waiting for a call back. I hate waiting.

It sounds like you might have a way around the nasty lady. just talking to my doctor and then getting the progesterone supplements made a world of difference to me. I hope she calls you back soon for some peace of mind.

I hate waiting too.

[taraw]

Thanks for all of the well wishes girls! The nurse finally called me back. I am going to go in this afternoon to have my hcg levels tested. If they aren't really low then I will be tested again on Thursday to make sure that they are multiplying the way it should be.

Nigellas, yes, I am taking Progesterone, but I was prescribed the oral medication. I ran out of the pills on Sunday and the pharmacy/insurance wouldn't refill it again until Monday. So I did go one full day without it. I wonder if that would have anything to do with the spotting?

jay&erinn, I hope you hear back soon. The waiting is the worst part!

[Jenzen01]

hi all.

tara - i'm sending some good thoughts your way. hopefully it's nothing.

as for me, i'm finally done bleeding. just spotting brown a bit. thank goodness. the other good thing is that my milk supply has gone back to normal. i was down to getting only 6 oz. when i pumped midday, and today i got 9! yeah!

the pressure is on for me to wean gabe. i want to be done bfing by the time we start ttcing, which will all happen at the end of the year. gabe can start on regular milk in about a month and a half. i just hope weaning isn't as stressful as i think it might be.

ttfn,
jen

[ajlanden]

taraw-Are you 8w yet? With DD I spotted when my period was due... I hope it is all normal!!!

[Sabriel]

Jenzen01 I'm glad the bleeding has stopped. As of today I am just brown spotting as well, and I have to say that emotionally I feel a little better now that I am not bleeding.

taraw I am glad that the nurse called you back and that you are getting the bloodwork done. I hope everything is okay! I agree with RileyMom, it does mean everything to those of us that have been through this. The worst part is not knowing what is going on. (((hugs)))

jay&erinn I hope the NP called you back and that she was able to help you out.

I just got a call from the midwife about my lab results. As of yesterday, my hcg and progesterone levels were almost down to where they should be prepregnancy. She said that they are almost definitely below that by now. She also said that all of my prenatal bloodwork that I had done at the beginning of last week was completely normal. There is nothing else we need to do. I just have to go in for a followup appointment next Tuesday to talk about when we can TTC again, etc. DH and I have talked and we definitely want to TTC again as soon as possible.

Hope you ladies are all doing okay.

[jay&erinn]

Well, I sat around the house all day waiting for a return call. I never heard from anyone. I'm so frustrated. I figure I'll give it until 1:00 tomorrow (that gives them time in the morning and over lunch to get back to me).

Taraw: Any news???? How are you feeling?

Sabriel: Good luck at your follow up. We only had to wait one cycle before trying again.

[sdauer21]

I still pop in here periodically. This thread offered so much support to me a year ago. While I wish it was gone (who wants to be a member of this thread??), I'm glad to see the caring and support is still strong!!

Tara I read your post, and just wanted to offer a bit of hope. When I miscarried last August, I had had no spotting or anything to indicate trouble. In November, we found out we were pregnant again, and I was positively terrified to find spotting in January. There was a small amount on Saturday, but I tried to ignore it. It came back, and slightly heavier, on Monday. I called the doc, who was able to get me in for an ultrasound right away, and much to my relief, the baby was fine. I do hope you are facing the same situation - that your baby is just fine, and only snuggling in deeper for a long 9 months. {hugs} to you...the waiting and wondering just plain sucks!! :(

Best wishes to all of you TTC, and my thoughts go out to those of you who are recently joining up. May you all find peace soon!

Sonya

[ajlanden]

taraw-Any news? I have been sending postive vibes your way!!!!

jay&erin-How frustrating! If I were you I would've been on the phone long ago!!

Sabreil-I hope you can get the answers you want. One doc (the one I hate) told me to wait 2-3 cycles. The other said to wait just one. I think I will take the one. From what I have read there is really no "medical" reason to wait. Of course, I do think you should follow your docs advice.

Sonya-Thanks for stopping by!!!

I have had some EW CM today...does it mean I am Oing...time will tell!

[Jenzen01]

Back to red spotting today. I'm on Day 12 of some sort of bleeding.

However, I'm wondering if I could have possibly Od? I had pains on my ovary last night ... I usually get pretty good mittleshmirtz. Could I still be bleeding and Oing at the same time? Or maybe my body still doens't know what the heck is going on. I don't know ...

I had a really awkward run-in with a coworker today. He stopped me in the production area and said, "I heard some rumors that I'm not sure I should know about ... so, is it true?" I said, "Yes, I lost the baby. No, I"m not pregnant. And yes, I'd rather have everyone know than someone think I am, indeed, pregnant."

He could of said, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

[papergirl]

i had a bad morning. :( i recently mentioned i had went to the doctor for a hurt foot and was told i had high blood presure. today i had a follow up appointment and things aren't any better. it's more then that but i just can't talk about it right now.. too much anger and i am really trying to keep with my happy-happy aura. :o also, i think i may be O'ing. i'm very happy about that.

taraw - seeing your post just sucks! i am thinking of you and really hope this is nothing.

sonya - thanks for posting. i know for me it means a lot to see and hear from ladies that m/c and have went on to have healthy pregnancies. i hope you don't mind me asking but did you take progesterone (sp?) after the m/c?

Jenzen01 - for me the bleeding just intensified my sadness. i know for everyone it's different but i remember a lot of emotions setteling when the bleeding of the m/c stopped and they resurfaced when i got my first period (and every period thereafter). but the first period was bad and i just cried like a baby. you may be different but i just wanted to put this out there since you might find yourself going back to that darker place. it happens.

have a great day ladies

[papergirl]

Jenzen01...

I had a really awkward run-in with a coworker today. He stopped me in the production area and said, "I heard some rumors that I'm not sure I should know about ... so, is it true?"

Ouch! Not really the best way to ask/bring up a m/c? That just seems really wrong. I'm sorry someone came to you with that and I think your reply was well stated.

Hugs!

[shouldaeloped]

jenzen- I think I would have beat him up. there are so many polite ways to ask those types of questions. . . what he said doesn't quite make the list. sorry you had to listen to that.


on a totally separate note, today is my 3 year anniversary. yesterday, my DH sent me flowers and the note said "3rd times a charm." I didn't fully understand the double entendre until later. . but 3 years. . 3rd pregnancy. this one's gotta stick.

anyway- just had to share. he has been a rock through this whole thing. I just hope this time I can really give him a DD or DS.

[ajlanden]

shouldaeloped-Happy Anniversary!! Hope you can relax a little and have some fun! ~sticky vibes!~

bumble-Come on eggie! I hope you are doing okay!

Jen-Sorry your bleeding started again...ughh! Constant reminder. From what people told me it is totally possible you are Oing. It seem strange to me, but possible!

[jay&erinn]

Jenzen01: I definately O'ed and bled at the same time. I bled for 3.5 weeks from the m/c and then got AF 6 days later. Boy was I sick of it by then.

bumble: Keep up the positive thinking. I'm trying to do my best with it too. It's so hard to believe in this pregnancy when the past two have failed.

shouldaeloped: Happy Anniversary!!!

The doc's office finally called this afternoon. I'm having blood work tomorrow morning. We'll see how the numbers come out. Once my betas reach 4000, I'll have an ultrasound. I'm incredibly nervous. What if my betas are really low? I really don't feel very pregnant. Everyone keeps telling me that it's early, but I always have felt pregnant by now. About a week after the feeling goes away, I usually m/c. They said if my numbers are good, and the ultrasound shows it's a uterine pregnancy, they'd put me on progesterone. I think that's a little backwards, but I'm just thankful they're doing something.

[JAYLIN]

Gosh, TARA I hope everything is okay. don't know if this will make you feel any better but 2 of my m/cs I never had any bleeding and with my DD I bled alot......so hopefully you have nothing to worry about.

ERINN, hopefully you'll get things figured out so you can relax a little bit.

To everyone else happy Oing!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```

Well I'm on CD29 no sign of AF and many BFNs....this is feeling like a repeat of last month (41day cycle) I've got a Dr appt on Fri to hopefully try to figure out why I seem so messed up, I've never been like this and have never had a problem "getting" pregnant...now sticking them is a whole nother story.

On a lighter note, today is my DD 1st B-day. so I've got all her party plans for this weekend keeping me busy. But of course not busy enough to not test morning and night..so much for trying to avoid 2xs a day!!!

The only good thing is I'm getting a pelvic ultrasound next Fri, doc wants it done. And if I'm preg they'll definately see something there!

[Sabriel]

JAYLIN I hope they see a little one at your ultrasound! Happy Birthday to your DD! :)

jay&erinn That seems a little backwards to me too, but I'm glad that you have a plan now. Sending sticky vibes your way!

shouldaeloped That is so sweet of your DH! Sending sticky vibes to you too!

bumble I'm so sorry that you are having a bad time. I hope things get better for you!

Jenzen01 Sorry about the bleeding. I really hope it's O bleeding! Sorry about the insensitive coworker too. :(

I've had a hard day today. The bleeding has stopped, and now my emotions are just flowing out. I think I was mostly numb until now, which is pretty typical of me when I am grieving. I think it is a self-preservation thing.

[purplesunshine7]

hello ladies,

JAYLIN: I will say a prayer for you that you get what you want.

JAY and ERINN: Try not to get too worried until you have some certainty, I know that is easier said than done, but it won't help to get your anxiety up. Sending sticky and calming vibes to you.:)

BUMBLE: Keep up your happy vibes and happy o'ing

SABRIEL: I know how you feel the emotions become so tiering that you start to feel nothing, I hope you feel better soon.

JENZEN: Some people just don't know how to be sensitive, I had a co- worker just come straight out and ask me. I guess they just don't understand the emotions of a m/c. I hope you feel better soon.


I am on cd20, I really didn't think this would be our month. I usually can feel when I O but I didn't feel it this month but we did b'd around the time right before I would feel the O pains. It has been 6 days past the last time b'd. I have been very gaqssy the past few days but that could have been something I ate. I saw the bathroom alot today, but that could just be me reading into something that isn't there. When I wiped there was some bright red blood not alot but enough for me to notice, the next time I went to the bathroom and wiped again it was now a brownish color, not alot either. Now when I do it there is nothing. I am trying not to read into any of this but it is so hard not to get my hopes up. Well I don't intend to test until after af is late unless some more obvious signs appear. wish me luck .

[papergirl]

Everyone, thank you so much for your kind words and conception wishes. Yesterday was not my best day but it ended on a good note.

A few weeks back I went to see a doctor and was told my blood pressure was high so I needed to be monitored. I have to note that this summer when I was pregnant I went to see my OBGYN 4 times between May and June and I never had high blood pressure, though I am overweight. Yesterday was my follow up appointment and my blood pressure was still high. :( I can’t believe this. I now need to go back again in three weeks and if it is still high I may need medication. This can’t be good for TTC/pregnancy. The doctor continues to give me the flustered look and does not understand why my high bp was not caught this summer. Maybe because I did not have high bp then? My doctor asks me if I’m stressed and honestly I don’t *feel* stressed. I have a lot on my plate - I work a full time job, I also have my own business, my partner is leaving all on top of TTC. It sounds like a lot but my day job is easy, my own business is good and I am happy that my partner is leaving. I really feel great and I have been super relaxed about TTC this cycle. However, I can’t help but wonder if I am stressed and just don’t know it. It seems so odd that I have never had high bp and now its horribly off the charts?? None of this can be good for TTC and all I can think is if it’s high now what is it going to look like when I do get pregnant? I’d feel just awful. Not to mention it does not help that this doctor made the flipped comment that my high bp may be what caused my m/c.

After the appointment I called DH and lost it. I was hysterical, sobbing into the phone and I was at work. :eek: All of an hour later I was fine. Still upset about the high bp but not cry-like-a-baby upset. Then in the evening I had spotting (which never use to happen to me). This is where my not-so-great-of-a-day turned to a happy one. The cycle I got pregnant I spotted the day of ovulation. Better then that I had a ridiculous crying fit over the dumbest thing and was sobbing. DH had never seen me that hysterical and was totally freaked out. I know I ovulated yesterday so I’m really hopeful that all this odd behavior is going to result in good news but then again this could be reading into everything, which is totally me. If this is it, and gosh I hope it is, I have the high bp issue so these next two weeks I am going to really watch myself, eat healthy and eliminate as much salt as I can from my diet (something I am guilty of not being good about).

purplesunshine7 i hope this is it for you. how long are your cycles normally?

sabriel get the emotions out are part of the healing process. take your time and don't rush moving on. it's OK.

jaylin i'm cheering for you!!

erinn i am so happy to hear the doctors will be doing *something*. please keep us posted. you are in my thoughts.

shouldaeloped happy three year anniversary. i do home three is a chram for you!

[ajlanden]

purplesunshine-Gosh, waiting is the pits... I wish we all had cystal balls, so we wouldn't have to stress so much. I hope your feelings are wrong and you are pg right now!!!

Sabriel-Ah, boy do I know how you feel. It is like once you hear the "final" news, you feel a little better...but then you have to start dealing with it sometimes. I have moments where I just break down too. I totally get it. ~hugs~

Jaylin-I hope you get some "good" news from the doctor!! Happy b-day to your DD!!!!!!! :D

Erinn-Here is hoping for GREAT BIG HUGE numbers!!!!!!

So I started bleeding again today...AF? I have been temping for about 6 days...my temps are middle of the road, so maybe I already O'd during all the bleeding? Or maybe it is just left over from the m/c. I guess if it continues, I'll assume AF has arrive and we can start TTC. If it stops, I'll wait. Waiting BLOWS!

Take care everyone!!!!!!!!

[jay&erinn]

bumble: Have they given you other suggestions on how to lower your BP without meds???? Maybe you can try those first.

Waiting BLOWS!
Couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm still waiting for my doc's office to call me about my blood work. I had it done at 8:30 this morning. It makes me nervous that they haven't called. Normally a nurse calls over lunch when I have blood work done. I'm hoping a doc doesn't call tonight. That would probably not be good news. If I don't hear by after lunch tomorrow, I'll call in for the results.

[excitedbride]

Wanted to update, hoping that everything is ok.

From my LJ:

From my LJ:

[I] had my blood test taken again last Friday. I didn't think anything was wrong since I hadn't heard back. Well I get a call from the nurse today, my beta is just fine she says, but my progesterone went down to 18. That is from 29.7! And I am on the prog supps., of course I start crying. She asked when I had an u/s and I told her it is next Thursday. She put me on hold to ask the Dr. if that was ok. I told her I was all worried now and that I don't know if I could wait that long. She said she wanted me to get my blood drawn again and that I could do that sooner. So I am going in today to get the paper work and get it done. I won't have the results til Monday though. This is going to be torture. I know that number is ok, but it went down so much! She said that is ok. But obviously it is worth worrying over.

And an update:

called Justin and told him what was going on. He said not to worry. But was asking, what are they going to do if the number is lower? I told him I didn't know, and that maybe he could call and talk to the nurse? He did call and he left me a voicemail. Saying that my beta's were really good, and that my progesterone is still within good levels. It isn't low. Or at least on Friday it wasn't. It did make me feel better that he called. He also said that if my number does come back low they will double my progesterone level.

Hopefully Wesley naps now, and after that I will go get the paperwork and go to the lab.

My fingers are crossed!

I know my numbers are ok. Just worrys me that my progesterone dropped. I have been told though that your numbers flucuate through the day. So that gives me hope.

[shouldaeloped]

excitedbride- I saw your post in the june mommies thread but wanted to respond over here. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. . and I know it's the fear more than anything. your betas are doing great and although your progesterone is still in normal limits, it's fallen. and that alone is enough to throw people like us into a tail spin. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to offer you but I don't think there's anything anyone can say until you see that baby for yourself. I will be thinking about you and sending as many sticky vibes as I can spare your way. Please keep us posted. Damn, I hate this. Pregnancy should be a joy, it should be an exciting time. . this fear is for the birds.

jay&erinn- it always feels like as soon as you NEED someone to call you back, they take forever. crossing my fingers for you too.


Thank you to everyone for the Happy Anniversay wishes. it was low key but a nice day. DH is taking me out to dinner Saturday night.

just out of curiosity- does or did anyone get cramps/heavy pressure in your cervix instead of in the uterus? it feels like my cervix is going to fall out of my body but my uterine cramps have all but disappeared. just wondering if anyone had any great insight on that. . .

[RileyMom]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to let Tara, excitedbride, jay&erinn, and shouldaeloped know that all of you are in my thoughts and I am saying a silent prayer that all of your babies are sticky ones. Take care everyone, and be well. :)

[purplesunshine7]

Hi Ladies,

EXCITEDBRIDE: I am glad you got some kind of good news,will keep my fingers crossed for you.

BUMBLE: Concerns with high bp is a big bummerI know. There is a big history of it in my family. I don't have it but it was something they were watching when I was pg. My cycle is usually 26days. I will keep praying for you

AJLANDEN: Thanks for the kinds words I really hope my feelings are wrong too, your right waiting is the pits, it would be nice if we all had our own looking glass inside our bodies. I would guess that it is AF so get ready ttc and goodluck I pray that you will not have ttc for long.

Nothing new with me yet I just wanted to respond to some of you. Good luck and lots of baby dust and sticky vibes to all of you.

[excitedbride]

Shouldaeloped Thank you so much. It is hard because the number has gone done and that is what has me worried. The same thing happened last pg. I don't remember what my numbers were, but they did go down. I wasn't on the prog supps yet at that time though. So I am hoping they are doing their job and working! I don't think I can handle having another m/c so well. And next Thursday can't come soon enough! I know the chances of anything going wrong goes significantly down after you see the h/b. But that also has me worried, as we did see the h/b last time. This is definetly hard, and we shouldn't have anything to fear. It really should be an exciting time in our life and only that!

I am trying to stay positive and not worry!:D

Rileymom & purplesunshine Thank you so much.

[sdauer21]

sonya - thanks for posting. i know for me it means a lot to see and hear from ladies that m/c and have went on to have healthy pregnancies. i hope you don't mind me asking but did you take progesterone (sp?) after the m/c?


Bumble No, I didn't go on progesterone for my subsequent pregnancy. I never had any testing, and have no idea why my baby did not survive. We didn't even make it to an ultrasound - I was scheduled for one on Monday, and miscarried on Sunday. I suspect that because I have now had two successful pregnancies that progesterone wasn't the problem for me.

I've had a hard day today. The bleeding has stopped, and now my emotions are just flowing out. I think I was mostly numb until now, which is pretty typical of me when I am grieving. I think it is a self-preservation thing.

Sabriel {{hugs}} I remember being totally shocked by the intensity of emotion after I stopped being so numb. I expected to grieve, but didn't realize my emotions would blind sight me as much as they did, and still do.

[excitedbride]

Sabriel I am so sad to see you over here. I am glad you have found this thread though. I have found such great comfort in the ladies here. ((((HUGS)))))

Sticky vibes to all of us that are pg!

And good luck vibes to those TTC!

[taraw]

RileyMom, thank you so much. I know those prayers are helping! :)

excitedbride, I am sorry you are going through this. The waiting and worrying is so stressful. I am really praying that everything is going to work out okay for you.

jay&erinn, any word from your doctor's office yet?

I will get my test results today. They got my beta levels from Tuesday (but I don't know what they are. My nurse said that she would only call me about Tuesday's level if it was really low) then I went back in yesterday. Hopefully my hcg levels doubled from Tuesday to yesterday. My Dr. office is not open yet and the waiting is killing me!!

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: I'm thinking of you. Good luck today.

I haven't heard anything from my doc's office. I called and left a message this morning, and still haven't heard.

[ajlanden]

Erinn-I am impatient for you...Gosh darn it, call her BACK!!! Please let us know when you hear. I am thinking positive thoughts for you!

taraw-Here's hoping for big #s today!

excitedbride-I am crossing my fingers for you! It has to be a good sign that your betas are fine and you are sups!! Stick baby, stick!

Me: Still bleeding. I am pretty sure it is AF. I think that we are going to wait one more cycle before TTC. I don't want to, but it is probably the best. We are going to Mexico for my sis's wedding in NOvember and I don't want to be just newly pg. I will be frantic. Plus I want to drink Margaritas!!:D

You are all in my thoughts daily. Thanks for sharing your stories, it has helped me tremedously.

[papergirl]

I have to say I’m really annoyed for all you ladies that are having to wait (and wait) for your doctors to call you. I hope you get those calls soon, with good news of course.

Erinn, after my first appointment where I was told I needed monitoring they also suggested I take half an aspirin a day and try to decrease salt. Walking was also suggested. I did the aspirin and decreased my salt, which lowered my bp but it’s still high.

*update* At my doctors appointment they tested me for other things. Everything checked out great (cholesterol etc.) but my blood sugar was high. They retested at my last appointment and today I got the results… still high. I am now being diagnosed as borderline diabetic. Since I am TTC and in the waiting phase I was told to stop taking the aspirin, which they hoped would help my bp. My doctor said if I get pregnant I have to see an OBGYN immediately and that I will be considered high risk. Not very good news. She said TTC is OK but that I need to be aware of these things. It’s so much to take in but I’m hanging in there. I would really like this to be our cycle but now I wonder.

Why can’t anything just be easy!

[jay&erinn]

Well, I finally heard back. My betas are over 2000 (that was exactly at 5 weeks). That's all I know. I'm hoping that's OK. They told me to keep my appt on tuesday (unfortunately it's with the doc I don't care for- maybe she'll surprise me and be better). I'll request another blood draw and hopefully an ultrasound in the very near future. I mentioned that I still don't feel pregnant and she didn't seem concerned. I wish I wasn't.

Bumble: Being labeled as high risk isn't necessarily a bad thing if it gets you the treatment you deserve. Special treatment will hopefully result in a health baby in the near future.

[Sabriel]

jay&erinn I think that your beta sounds good for 5 weeks. I hope your appointment on Tuesday goes well!

bumble I'm so sorry that your having to go through all of this. Glad that you can still TTC, but I'm sure that it is all very sterssful. (((hugs)))

ajlanden Sorry that you need to wait another cycle to TTC. Mexico will be fun though!

taraw I hope you have gotten your results by now and that everything is okay!

excitedbride Yes, everyone here is wonderful. :)

I am feeling better today. I am sure the new few weeks will be a roller coaster of emotions, though. I am eager to go to my appointment on Tuesday, so I can find out when we can TTC again.

Hope everyone is doing well! Sticky vibes to all of the pg girls!

[taraw]

Sorry for the quick fly-by post, but I got my results. My levels were over 45,000, the nurse said that was very high and she said that I should be fine. :) She told me to take it easy over the weekend and my first apt is on Wednesday. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!

[Sabriel]

taraw I am SO glad that your levels are high. Hope you can relax and have a good weekend!

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: YEA for high numbers!!!!! Good luck at your appt on Wednesday.

Sabriel: Good luck at your appt. Hope you get good news about TTC. The next few weeks/months will be a roller coaster- that's why we're here:)

[excitedbride]

Sabriel I hope everything goes well at your appt.!

Tara Wow, great numbers!

Jay&Erinn I think that number sounds good for 5weeks!

[Jenzen01]

Hi ladies.

Yeah for all the high numbers! That's great news.

As for me, not much is going on. I'm just spotting the tiniest bit now. It's been two weeks since I miscarried ... somedays, I forget about it, and then I'll suddenly remember that I was pregnant just a few weeks ago. Seems like an another lifetime.

Anyone watch Gray's Anatomy last night? Stupid cliffhanger. Now I HAVE to see it next week!

ttfn,
Jen

[ajlanden]

Just checking in...how is everyone doing?

Jen-I have never watched it...maybe I should start.

Boring here...my bleeding stopped, so I am not convinced it was AF. I am temping every morning trying to detect O.

[Sabriel]

Arrrggghh! I thought my MW appointment was tomorrow, but it is not until NEXT Tuesday. :( Oh well.

We were bad and UDD last night. I am guessing that I won't O for awhile, though. I just want to start trying again!

Jenzen01 I could've written your post. Sometimes I am okay, but other times I am not. Sometimes it feels like I was pg a year ago, but it's only been a week. Glad to hear the bleeding has almost stopped.

Going to Target last night was a mistake. There were pregnant women and babies everywhere. I started crying in the store and had to leave. I have never really been a jealous person, and I'm so surprised how strong these feelings are. Poor DH doesn't know what to do with me.

I am already dreading the holidays, because my cousin's wife is due in April. Depending on how long we have to wait, I doubt I'll be pg again by then.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Lil_Mrs_0702
Name:April,21
DH: Shannon,25
Married: July 02, 2005
M/C partial molar at 11 weeks had D&C
I think I'm pregnant!! 5 1/2 weeks!!!!

So I definitely know that we are fertile. We have become pg on our first try twice now.

I am going through so many emotions right now. I am so excited but so scared at the same time. I'm scared to take the test bc if I lose it, I don't want that positive sign on the stick to be haunting me again. I know either way I am pg, but I am scared to make it too real.

I haven't told anyone yet except DH, and this is my first post telling the world that I think I may be pg. I think I will wait until 8-9 weeks to tell family and then my 2nd trimester to tell coworkers. Everyone knew last time and it was so hard being asked how the baby is and having to tell them all over again that I lost it.

Please help me pray for the best!!

[shouldaeloped]

congratulations lil mrs. . . it's a good feeling to know that you can conceive quickly! I am 5 1/2 weeks too and every single day is scary and unnerving. I am a little resentful of that feeling as I think pregnancy should just be enjoyed, a celebration. but I guess we all have to take life's blows as they are handed out. . and take them one day at a time.

sending some sticky dust your way and keeping you in my thoughts.

sabriel- I would burst into tears at the most random places for quite a while. I had to separate myself from my friends that were pg and was angry when I would see pg strangers. I'm sorry you are in this place right now and hope it gets a little easier with time.

aj- glad the bleeding stopped!

as for me. . just hanging in there day by day. first doc appointment tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed for me. I'll take any spare sticky dust out there!!!

[papergirl]

Question: Does anyone else have this overly obnoxious fear of jinxing themselves?

In general I am not a superstitious person. I step on cracks, I split polls, I could care less about breaking a mirror and black cats are adorable in my book. But right now I feel really good about this cycle and I feel like if I say that then it’s jinxed to be a bad outcome. I feel like if I express to others my excitement about anything TTC and pregnancy related then it’s dooming me for failure. I know that’s not true but I can’t help but feel like it is. I hate always thinking that feeling good and positive about things will mean something bad is inevitable.

As for where I am, this is 5DPO. I usually get AF on 11DPO so I have 6 days till I can test. If we get a BFP I have this fear of posting it (going back to what I mentioned above).

Friday my mom asked me if I wanted to book a cruise with them for next August. I am really close to my mother, we honestly are best friends, but I have not told her we are TTC. As much as I adore her she is nosy and likes to ask a gazillion questions and for that reason I have held off on telling her. I never even mentioned to her we had a m/c (it was just too hard to say it). Well… Friday I finally blurted out that we were trying and therefore I can’t book a trip 10 months away. I’m sure she was happy to finally have some indication about our TTC plans but of course I think I jinxed myself.

Lil Mrs: Congratulations! I hope this is *it* for you.

Sabriel: Hugs sweetie! The most random things would send me into tears. Still does. Just know it is normal and we are here for you. When I hear of close friends getting pregnant (it has happened twice now) who wasn’t “trying all that hard” it angers me. I never thought I would feel like that and became really upset the first time it happened. I’m learning this is just my way of dealing with the situation. The feelings do go away and I’m not angry at them or unhappy for them. It’s really about me and my disappointment for where I am.

Bumble: Being labeled as high risk isn't necessarily a bad thing if it gets you the treatment you deserve. Special treatment will hopefully result in a health baby in the near future.

Erinn: you are SO right. thanks for being my voice of reason and making me see this situation in a new light.

Tara: yay!

Jenz: I’m a big Grey’s Anatomy fan.

[Jenzen01]

congrats, lil mrs! here's wishing that everything goes well ...

shouldaeloped - my fingers are crossed for you. :)

sabriel - hang in there ... i have lots and lots of little sad moments, but i know it's ok and natural. all in all, i feel pretty good about things. i don't know about you, but i heal by talking. i've talked to soooooooo many people at work who have gone through the same thing i did. it helped me put things in perspective and realize that i had a right to grieve and feel sad. i've been fortunate in the fact that i work with a lot of caring people. most people at work knew we were pregnant, and they were all saddened by our news. i've felt such support ...

and in other good news ... i can't remember if i posted this ... i bought a blue topaz ring after we found out about the baby, and i just got it back from the jeweler this weekend. it's gabe's birthstone, but i'll also think of our second pregnancy when i look at it. al and i had just looked at the ring on our anniversary ... the day i started spotting ... so after we found out the baby had passed, i asked if i could buy it. it's beautiful ... triangular stone with a couple of little diamonds in the white gold band.

hope you all are having a good day, and i hope something good comes your way today ... however small it might be.

ttfn,
jen

[jay&erinn]

Question: I have an appt tomorrow. Anything in particular I should ask? I'm going to ask about more blood work and an ultrasound. I'm also going to question progesterone. I feel like they should be a little more proactive since I've lost 2 in less than a year. I hate the just sit and wait approach- it really frustrates me. Anything else?

jen: Your ring sounds beautiful! I've been looking for something to commemorate my angel babies and am having trouble finding something. I don't wear a lot of jewery, unless it means something to me. Your ring sounds like a nice idea.

Question: Does anyone else have this overly obnoxious fear of jinxing themselves?
All the time. I wish I could tell people I'm pregnant AFTER the baby is born. It's like, if I acknowledge the pregnancy, it'll end. It's a horrible feeling.

shouldaeloped: Good luck tomorrow!!!! You can have as much sticky dust as I can spare:rolleyes:

Lil_Mrs_0702: Congratulations!!!! That's great that you're able to get pregnant so easily.

Sabriel: There are hard moments all the time. Everything seems to be dated by when the baby would have been due, and pregnant women and babies materialize out of nowhere after a m/c. It's been over three months since my last m/c, and sometimes I'm still so sad about it. One of the nicest things anyone ever said was that I'll never get over, just past it. It was good to hear in a time where it felt like no one understood how hard it was.

Jenzen01: I've never seen Grey's Anatomy. I'm lucky I can stay awake for the 6:00 news:rolleyes:

[shouldaeloped]

I feel like they should be a little more proactive since I've lost 2 in less than a year. I hate the just sit and wait approach- it really frustrates me. Anything else?

jay&erinn- my appointment is tomorrow too and I have lost 2 in less than a year as well. we should compare notes. my plan is to ask every question in the book. . I am going to bring her my charts to see if she sees anything off, I am going to double check my test results- thyroid, blood clotting, chromosomal. . . I want to hear all the results again, I am going to ask exactly how she is going to treat me differently this time, I want to know when my ultrasound is and how much more frequently I can have them, I want ALL the details and I don't care if she can't stand me when it's all said and done. I think my DH has a list too. I am not going to leave any stone unturned. I think she alotted 2 hours for my appointment and you can be sure I am going to take up every minute.

any other thoughts out there? I feel pretty educated but I know for sure that I don't know it all. . .

Thanks ladies!

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Quote:
Question: Does anyone else have this overly obnoxious fear of jinxing themselves?

All the time. I wish I could tell people I'm pregnant AFTER the baby is born. It's like, if I acknowledge the pregnancy, it'll end. It's a horrible feeling.

I think that is what I am going through. I just want to skip the scary 1st trimester and go straight to my bump! I am so scared to be too positive about things b/c I don't want to get ripped out of cloud 9. Yet, I feel guilty for not being 100% confident.

Thank you everyone for all the support so far! I hope that sticky dust works!

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here!

So I am thinking about including a roster of those who are successfully pg and those that have gone on to have their babies. I thought it would be a good reward for those pg and good inspiration for those of us who are anxiously awaiting. Please let me know what you think?

[pacificbliss]

Hi girls,

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. It looks like many of you are pg...sending lots of sticky vibes your way.

I am feeling kind of low today. My D & C was the 8th so I am waiting for things to stabilize. Some days I wake up and things are just bad. This morning when I woke up the fact that I am not pregnant was the first thing I noticed. Followed by: I won't be pg at Halloween, I won't be pg at Thanksgiving, and we will not be buying gifts for the baby or decorating the nursery at Christmas. I hope I am not dragging anyone down here but I need a good cry and an outlet for it. I work from home far from my office. My boss is actually kind of a friend of mine and I finally told him today. I don't think the cold, grey weather is helping much either.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

pacificbliss- I am so sorry. There are a lot of rough days for all of us. You are not dragging anyone down at all. We have all had these feelings and can relate.
((HUGS))

[RileyMom]

Pacificbliss Don't feel bad about feeling bad. I am having one of those days myself today. I have been doing so well at being hopeful and strong, but today is just not one of those days. I am feeling like crap, and I am not even going to try to hide it. I think all we can do is allow ourselves to feel whatever emotion we are feeling. We are entitled.

I've been following along, but not posting much. I received some pretty harsh news on Friday. Without boring you all with the details, I had an MRI a couple of weeks ago (October 10th) because before I was pregnant with DD I was "diagnosed" as having a bicornuate uterus. To make a veeerrrrry long story short, a BU is basically shaped like a heart with a dip going down the middle that separates the uterus into two "horns." Turns out, after doing some research online after this last m/c, BU cannot be diagnosed through u/s alone. Definitive tests include MRI among other techniques.

Doctor called me on Friday to tell me that instead of a BU, I have a Septate uterus, which means that I have a full septum going down the middle of my uterus. It is very likely that this last pregnancy loss was not chromosomal, but due to implantation issues. I will need surgery to have it removed. The worst part? My OB is away on vaction until December. The earliest I can get in for a pre-op is December 6, and the surgery scheduled a week or two after that probably. Then, we will probably have to wait a cycle or two following the surgery to TTC, so we could be looking at Februray before ttc. Considering I just celebrated my 39th birthday last month, I am very depressed about this setback.

I am currently waiting for a call back from an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to see if they can get me in for the surgery any sooner.

I just want to cry right now. I'm sorry to be such a downer, but this really sucks. I'm not sure if I will be as active in this thread anymore, because I kind of feel like an anomoly that really doesn't fit in. I'll be lurking along though, and rooting for all of you.

[papergirl]

won't be pg at Halloween, I won't be pg at Thanksgiving, and we will not be buying gifts for the baby or decorating the nursery at Christmas. I hope I am not dragging anyone down here but I need a good cry and an outlet for it.

We can all relate. I am not pregnant yet and this is our 5th cycle after the m/c. I got pregnant on our first cycle trying and assumed I was fertile mertyle. I guess I was wrong because month after month it still has not happened. I am reaching that point where December seems like dooms day. My birthday is on the 19th and I would have been 8 months pregnant. I get so upset thinking my birthday will be here and I won't be with child. I am turning 30 and my mother and friend want to visit... honestly I wan't nothing to do with it. I just want a big cake to eat *alone* and cry. That is honestly what I want to do for my birthday but I know I can't. Added to the frustration is turning 30 childless. By no means is 30 old but I just always thought I would be done by now.

Vent away, it's what we are here for.

[papergirl]

rileymom: I can’t imagine the disappointment and frustration you are feeling but I do want to offer my deepest sympathy. As someone previously wrote, we each take a different path on our journeys TTC. Some of our paths are longer and bumpier but I hope in the end you are rewarded with everything you want. Please be sure to take time away from everything just of you. The holidays always pass quickly so I hope February is here sooner then imaginable.

Rebecca

[RileyMom]

Thank you Rebecca. I know I will get through this, but right now this just feels like one big rollercoaster ride that I just want to jump off from. Just as I was starting to feel excited about ttc again after my d&c(which was only a few weeks away) we get hit with this. It just feels like a mack truck right now.

I know this is my journey and I'm trying hard to keep that perspective. Right now I just feel like I have so many things working against me at once and it just seems like a mountain in front of me right now. Thanks for listening. As I said, I'll probably be lurking, but given the fact that I have all this to deal with, I think I'd be better off staying away for a while.

Sheryl

[excitedbride]

Rileysmom I am so sorry to hear your news. Please don't think you don't belong in this thread. We will be here for you.
~~~~~~~~~

I heard back from my Dr. today, my progesterone level is staying steady! So that is great news! I have my u/s this Thursday and she wants me to get my blood drawn again this week.

[ajlanden]

excitedbride-Horray for you! Those sups HAVE to be doing their job!!! That is such great news!

Sheryl-I am so sorry. The news is NOT happy, I was an idiot in your LJ. Anything that involves sugery and postpones TTC even further is not good. I will be thinking about you a lot! Please keep me posted on your surgery and stuff. You have helped me out so much, so all I can do is send you postive thoughts and prayers. I hope you can get in for surgery sooner than you think!

pacificbliss-Boy, you are venting in the right place...I think we all understand. Don't worry about be a downer, that is what this thread is here for!

Lil_Mrs_0702-I am so glad to have another pg member!!! We are pulling for you!!!!!!!! ~sticky, sticky, sticky vibes~

[jay&erinn]

Well, I've had a pretty rough day. I currently have a migraine. Unfortunately I only get those during AF and with each m/c. That was always the plus of getting pregnant- no headaches for awhile. With my DD, I never even had a slight headache- and they didn't return until she was 6 months old. The first m/c they came after I started spotting and lasted for 10 days. The second m/c they started a week before I started spotting. Now I have one again. I can only assume it means the worst for this pregnancy. I have a doc appt tomorrow at 3:00. If I haven't started spotting, I'm sure they'll blow it off and tell me the every pregnancy can be different bull sh!t. My guess is one of two things will happen- I'll either sit there and cry through the whole appt or get angry and start yelling for someone to listen to me for a change. I've said from the beginning that something's not right, but they just blow it off. It's even worse that my first m/c was almost one year ago now and I still don't seem able to carry a pregnancy to term.

excitedbride: Congrats on you progesterone. I'm glad you're getting some good news for a change.

RileyMom: I'm sorry for your bad news. Remember we're all here to help each other. When you're ready, come back for that support before, during and after surgery. Good luck.

[excitedbride]

Jay&erinn I am thinking good thoughts for you. I hope that this headache isn't a sign of bad things to come. ((((HUGS)))))

[gator97]

jay&erin- ((((hugs))))) I'm sending positive, sticky vibes your way. You know your body better than any doctor. Be very firm in your concerns and hopefully they'll take it more seriously, spotting or not. . .even if it's just to get you to calm down. I'm hoping that they take your concerns seriously. Best of luck and please keep us posted.

Rileymom- I am so sorry to hear about your news. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. Hopefully your RE can get you in sooner b/c that must feel like an eternity away. I know there are other women on this board with the septate uterus. You might be able to do a search for some more information.

pacificbliss-- I am so sorry that you are having a tough time. We are all here for you and each have our own days that are worse than others.

ETA--- Yeah excitedbride for such great numbers! Can't wait to hear about your u/s on Thursday!

[Smillow]

I miscarried in March '04 and have not become pregnant again. Today was the first anniversary of my due date & I have been miserable most of the month, thinking that I "should" be planning my child's first birthday party. Today we planted 2 flowering cherry trees as they will bloom in late March (one weeping cherry for the past & a Yoshino cherry to look forward). We also planted a beautyberry that is covered with the most beautiful purple berries. I wish each of you peace - this is a tough row to hoe - so terribly personal but always right at the surface.

[jay&erinn]

Thanks for your support. There was just light brown spotting when I went to the bathroom. I want to call the doc's office to see if I can get blood work drawn this morning so I could have the results by this afternoon, but I don't think I could talk through the conversation. I'm sitting here crying now, just typing. However, I don't want to go this afternoon, get a script for blood work and then find out the results tomorrow at work. Maybe I can get it together and call in an hour or so.

[ajlanden]

Erinn-D@mmitt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stand this for you!!! It is just not fair!!! No matter what the results are, it just isn't fair that you have to go through this. My heart is breaking for you. I am sure you just want to run away and not face any of this. I am praying hard that it all works out for you...you are in my thoughts to day. Can you go home? Getting a call at work is not the greatest thing in the world, I know.

Smillow-~hugs~ to you. I am so sorry. You have come to the right place to share your feelings. We all sympathize.

[shouldaeloped]

erinn. . I am so sorry. . I know that it's not over until you know for sure but I also know that what you are going through is very scary. maybe your DH can call the doctor for you? you are definitely in my thoughts and my prayers today. . please keep us posted on how you are.

[RileyMom]

Erinn I know this sounds stupid, because I don't "know" you, but I am sitting here with tears in my eyes for you and a huge lump in my throat. My heart is truly aching. This SUCKS!! I hope that you can summon some strength to call the doctor, so you can get some results today. Please keep us updated and know that we are thinking of you. :( {{{HUGS}}}

ExcitedBride, Ashley, gator97, and Erinn Thank you for your kind words of support. I am not going away totally, just proably not as active. But as you can see, I can't stop keeping tabs on all of you. We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.

ETA: Ashley Don't worry about anything you said in my LJ, you were fine! You were right, it is good that it is something that can be fixed and move on. It sucks that I have to deal with it, but knowledge is power. So don't worry about that. :)

[ajlanden]

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.

Great point!

Weird...I am so thankful to have this "sisterhood" but at the same time wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[shouldaeloped]

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.

I can tell you all with certainty that I wouldn't be where I am today without this group of ladies. so THANK YOU to everyone for your kind words and neverending support. this is truly a great group of ladies.

[excitedbride]

Jay&erinn Still thinking about you. ((((HUGS)))))

[pacificbliss]

Thank you. You are all very kind. Yesterday I went to the gym and ran. I never run. I am not built for running. Today I am very sore but it kind of feels good. I could not run if I was pg...might as well focus on the things I can do instead of those I can't.

RileyMomI am so sorry to hear you need surgery. I hope they can get you in sooner so that you can start healing. I'll be thinking about you.

Erinn I know how you feel. Maybe DH can call. I don't know what your Dr. situation is but since it's a blood draw can you just go down there? Seems like they would move quickly for a woman so upset. Wishing you the best...

smillow so sorry. The trees sound nice. I hope the weeping cherry will always be in the shadow of a big, strong Yoshino cherry.

Congrats on the numbers excited bride

I hope I did not miss anyone.

[ajlanden]

This might be a weird question, but did anyone have a problem with the emotions of...ummmmm....DTD after your m/c. For some reason it is just sad to me. I actually cried the first time and freaked DH out. I just couldn't help it. I have gotten a lot better, but there still is a little saddness when I think about it. Why?

[Jenzen01]

ajlanden - I wasn't going to post this, but I cried, too. It caught me by surprise.

[pacificbliss]

I cried. Then the other day I actually wanted to DTD and I felt so guilty I cried. DH recently told me that since I m/c he has not had as much desire to DTD and that made me cry. I knew exactly what he meant but it made me cry anyway.

I will not speak for you but for me, I did not exactly wait until I was married and wanted kids to have sex ;) For many years sex was just sex, now it's tied up in ttc and the emotions of ttc are really painful for us right now. That's all I could come up with.

DH understood that, like I understood that the fact he doesn't want to much right now does not mean his feelings for me have changed.

[ajlanden]

Weird...I am glad I ended up posting that. I am happy I am not the only one. It is just so emotional for me.

I guess for me, I thought about how the last time we did it (or one of the last times), we created a baby that was now gone. Like pacificbliss, I am sure it has to do with the biological reasons for DTD, rather than for pleasure.

pacificbliss-I too have been working out like a mad woman. It is like I need to take extra pleasure in the things that I could not do if I was pg. It is like looking on the bright side if things, I guess. Here are some others I have been enjoying: have a glass of wine with dinner, taking a hot bath, sleeping on my belly and my back--I don't know if it makes me feel better, but it can't hurt. (Oh and I also having been going tanning before my vacation!)

Thinking of you, Erinn!!

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I had a ton of disfuntion when it came to DTD for the nest few months. I was not allowed to conceive for 6 months and so even though I was TTA and he never pressured me, I would cry and we would have to stop.

In my mind sex-pregnancy-mc and I didn't want to do that again for a while. I couldn't stop the association until I went on birth control for a couple months. (More to get over the fear of sex in my case). We are a lot better now.

I couldn't drink alcohol for a month b/c I would feel guilty like I was celebrating my loss. Weird huh? I just dove head in to my wedding planning and concentrated on that and getting a promotion. The loss did give me a lot of driveto do something w/ my life. Like I had to prove myself before I could become a mom.

I think the hardest part of the mc is that I didn't realise how much I wanted a child until I was pg. Then once I lost it I wanted one more than ever.

[Sabriel]

I also get sad about having sex. I agree with pacificbliss. Sex was sex until we were TTC. But, now it is just one more reminder that I am not pregnant anymore.

I have been "rebelling" since my m/c, like having a coke whenever I feel like it, eating more fast food than I should, not drinking my water, etc. I know that it's not really bad in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel like I am being bad. :rolleyes: I told myself that I could do it for a little bit, but I am now going to focus on losing weight and getting healthier for when we can TTC again. I think it will be good to have something to focus on. Like Lil_Mrs_0702 said, I definitely feel like I have more drive now.

I am also thankful for our sisterhood. I do not have anyone IRL that has recently gone through what we are, and I think I would be so lost without you girls.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies, I'm still here. I never called the doctor's office yesturday- I think I just wanted to forget about everything for a little while longer. I took DD to a friend's house and let the kids play together while we talked (I haven't told her anything yet). I went to my doctor's appt. The doc was much better than she's been in the past. She did see a little blood when she did the culture, and my uterus doesn't feel very enlarged but she said it could still be too early. She ordered another beta with all the other prenatal blood work and put me on progesterone. I have to call today for my beta results. I'm really dreading that phone call. I'm at work today, and it's really difficult for me to leave. I also coach volleyball and my girls have a really important game tonight (determines if they make playoffs or not). It's not a day that I can just become a vegetable and feel sorry for myself if things don't go well. It really sucks to see viability written on scripts as a reason for testing. If all still looks good today and through the weekend, I'll have an ultrasound sometimes next week, and follow up with the office again the week of Thanksgiving.
I'm still pretty scared. I'm still living on Tylanol to keep the headaches from turing into migraines, and there was spotting again this morning. Guess I just have to hang in there a little longer.
For those of you on Progesterone- do you have any side effects. I've been really nauseaus this morning and don't know if it's the progesterone or nerves. Just curious.

I have been "rebelling" since my m/c, like having a coke whenever I feel like it, eating more fast food than I should, not drinking my water, etc.
I've done this after each m/c. I'm not sure what the reason is behind it for me. It's almost like everything I did, didn't work anyway, so why not enjoy those things. It usually takes me a good month to get myself back under control, and then I seem to go the other way- thinking, if I can't be pregnant, I might as well be skinny. Odd philosophy, I know.

I am not built for running.
I hear you there. My short legs don't like to run.

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.
This is so true. People that have never been through it don't realize that there are still hard days after the first week or two. They also look at you weird when you want to talk about it 2 months after it happened- almost asking why there's still focus on something they barely remember happened to you. It's nice to come somewhere, where it's still OK to cry 6 months after it happened, and have others cry with you. And where it's OK to cheer when you get pregnant and know others are cheering for you. I'm so thankful for all of you. We haven't told anyone about this pregnancy (except for my boss, just in case), and the past week has been so hard. We just bought a new bed and my FIL commented that we can get to work on some more grandchildren (this was Saturday). I so wanted to blurt out that I was pregnant and that it most likely was going to end in m/c too, just to shut him up (and yes, he knows about the past 2 losses). You never find that insensitivity in this thread.

[LDS Angel 19]

just poking my head in- I'm really glad you ladies got this thread going. ((((HUGS))) to everyone.

[RileyMom]

Hi Ladies -- this is just a fly-by because I am doing a training in ummm...2 minutes. But I just wanted to let Erinn know that I have been thinking about you last night and this morning. I am going to say a silent prayer that everything will be okay with your baby. Think good thoughts, hon. :)

[Mrs-Mac]

Hi,
After weeks of lurking on here, I finally decided to join this "no-body-wants-to-or-desrves-to-be-a-part-of-sisterhood".

I had a dc almost four weeks ago after and ultrasound showed there was only an empty sac. I was almost 8 weeks pregnant at the time. It was my first pregancy. I wasn't sure if I should join this group because I'm not sure when we will ttc again. Although I'm starting to feel differently now, so I'm guessing what to wait awhile was a way I dealt with everything (at first I thought