Support For Ladies Who Have Miscarried

[Tiniest Angels]

This thread has been set up for ladies who have experienced a miscarried. It's a place to discuss our emotions, struggles, and successes. If you have experienced, or are currently experiencing a miscarriage, we hope you will join us. This is a place to talk openly while also offering comfort and encouragement.

Your threadmistress: Alliannie

If you would like to be added to this thread then please post your stats in red.

Also, if you have any links that have helped you, feel free to post those and we will add them.


*posting your stat’s is not mandatory

[Tiniest Angels]

OUR MEMBERS

ajjlanden
Name:Ashley, 28
DH: Doug, 33
Married: June 28, 2005
M/C naturally at 7 weeks
TTC: NOW!
DD: Danielle Judith 12-15-04
*update*
BFP 12/9/05
EDD 08/23/06

alliannie
Name:Annie,22
DH:Adam,23
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C (D&C) @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: January 2006

amygrrl
me: amy (35)
dh: dan (33)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.

brenda
Name: Brenda, 22
DH: Sweetie, 36
Married: September, 2005
M/C naturally at 8 weeks (11/10/05)
TTC: February? (will depend)

bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

bunnybeth
Name: Bethany, 27DH: Elon, 28
Married: June 23, 2002
M/C naturally at 12w1d (12/7/05)
TTC: January 2006
*UPDATE*
BFP 2/14/06
EDD: 10/25/06

Calla Lilly
Name:Erin, 31
DH: Gary 36
Married: August 2006
M/C medicated 9w3d on 11/16/05
TTC: January 2006?

CapeCod04
Me: Kate, 44
DH: Aron 35
mc: medicated 8w2d
TTC: not


Chagtown
Me: Alissa
DH: Brian
Married: 07/05/03
M/C: 07/29/05: 6w,4d
M/C: 09/14/05: 6w, 6d
TTC: Now

dlj78
Me: Dana, 27
DH: Nick, 31
Married: 9-18-04
Miscarred: Still waiting
TTC: whenever we get the ok from the doc

dpangel33
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 31
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: January 30, 2006
EDD: October 9, 2006

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.
*update*
BFP: 10/05/05
EDD: 06/18/06

foofie357
Name: Steff, 26
DH: Brian, 26
Married: November 24, 2001
M/C: 9 weeks. D&E Feb 23. I am considering this her date, but she had died about a week before that.
TTC: April 06
DS: Christopher 8-12-04


Happy27
Name:happy 27
DH: 29
Married: April 27, 2002
M/C in process - the baby measured 6 weeks but should be about 9 weeks we are waiting for the baby to pass and contemplating a D&C
TTC: As soon as possible
DS: Benjamin 8-14-04


jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB
*UPDATE*
EDD: 6/21/06

JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year
*UPDATE*
BFP: 11/26/05
EDD: 8/6/06

Jenzen01
Me: Jen, 28
DH: Al, 37
DS: Gabe, born 12.21.04
Married: 10.4.03
Miscarred: 8 weeks, naturally, Oct. 2005
TTC: probably end of the 2005
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/2/06
EDD: 10/18/06

jjsanner
Name:Jen, 31
DH: Eric, 33
Married: April 26, 2003
DS: Elijah 02-06-04
M/C: 02-10-06 at approx. 5 weeks


Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

katmg
Name: Kat, 26
DH: 31
Married: November 08, 2003
M/C: 2/04/06 @ 6 1/2 weeks
TTC: Dr. wants us to wait 2 cycles

kdotp
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006
*Update*
BFP: July 11, 2005
EDD: March 14, 2006


Lilla
Name: Kim, 30
DH: Tony, 33
Married: 10/12/02
M/C: naturally @ 10 weeks, 11/26/05
TTC: January 2006


lissy
Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year

LDS Angel 19
Me: Michelle, 22
DH: Aaron, 23
Married: September 4th, 2004
Our angel Allison Grace June 17th 2005 @ 22 wks, With us on earth 40 mins
TTC: August 2005

Lil_Mrs_0702
Name:April,21
DH: Shannon,25
Married: July 02, 2005
M/C partial molar at 11 weeks had D&C
*Update*
I think I'm pregnant!! 5 1/2 weeks!!!!


Nigellas
Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium
*UPDATE*
BFP: 2/11/06
EDD: 10/24/06


polkadot
Name: Lauren , 26
DH: Brian, 27
Married: November 20, 2004
M/C: 1/12/06 @ 5 1/2 weeks
TTC: Now!!!

purplesunshine7
married 4/5/03
me:28
dh:28
m/c june 2,2005
ttc: july 2005
*UPDATE*
EDD 12/5/06

rene'
Name: Rene', 35
DH: Todd, 36
Married: December 23, 1990
2 DD's: 12/18/94, 03/30/98
M/C: 9/02: 6w
M/C: 12/02: 5w
M/C: 11/7/05: 10w (naturally, no d&c)
TTC: not sure



Sabriel
Name: C, 24
DH: J, 23
Married: May 22, 2005
M/C: @ 6 weeks 4 days, October 15, 2005
TTC: Not sure yet
*update*
BFP: 12/11/05
EDD: 8/22/06


shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now
*update*
BFP: October 12, 2005
EDD: June 21, 2006

Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?
*UPDATE*
BFP: 8/16/05
EDD: 4/29/06


Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/C: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

[Tiniest Angels]

Please Post Updates in RED!:)

[Tiniest Angels]

Inspiration!!!!

Happily PG

ajlanden: EDD 8/23/06

jennylou:EDD 8/6/06

jenzen01: EDD 10/18/06

excitedbride: EDD 6/18/06

kdotp: EDD 3/14/06

Lil_Mrs_0702:

Nigellas: EDD 10/24/06

shouldaeloped: EDD 6/21/06

Sabriel: EDD 8/22/06

sully130: EDD 4/29/06

erickandjarrett: EDD 10/9/06

Purplesunshine7: EDD 12/5/06

Mommies!

[Tiniest Angels]

What is a Miscarriage? [/

Miscarriage or spontaneous abortion is the natural or accidental termination of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or the fetus is incapable of surviving, generally defined at a gestation of prior to 20 weeks. Miscarriages are the most common complication of pregnancy. The term "abortion" refers to any terminated pregnancy, deliberately induced or spontaneous, although in common parlance it refers specifically to active termination of pregnancy.

Types of Miscarriages

A threatened abortion is the development of symptoms (bleeding with or without cramps or low back pain) that often suggest impending miscarriage. With such a presentation of bleeding, 50% proceed to miscarriage of the pregnancy.

Inevitable abortion
The miscarriage of a pregnancy is inevitable when any of the following symptoms are present:

There is an obvious rupture of membranes
An open cervix
There is tissue in the cervix
There is an absence of fetal heart at a βHCG level consistent with fetal heart activity
When any of these symptoms are detected, management involves conservative observation, monitoring for heavy bleeding and sepsis, and a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Incomplete abortion
An incomplete abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when tissue has been passed, but some remains in utero. It can result in severe bleeding, infection or intrauterine scarring. Management consists of a dilatation and curettage (D&C).

Septic abortion
The infection of the womb carries risk of spreading infection (septicaemia) and is a grave risk to the life of the woman. It may follow an incomplete miscarriage and previously was a problem for pregnancies that occurred if a Dalkon Shield IUD had failed in its contraception. This has been particularly associated with abortions performed in non-sterile circumstances, common where abortions are carried out illegally and/or by poorly skilled and equipped operators.[


A missed abortion is the miscarriage of a fetus in a pregnancy when the fetus has died, but remains in the uterus. Many cases of missed abortion will lead to a spontaneous abortion within days. Occasionally, a dilatation and currettage is necessary to remove the pregnancy tissue. That's because there is a risk of maternal coagulation abnormality if the tissue remains in the uterus for several weeks.

Habitual abortion (recurrent pregnancy loss or recurrent miscarriage) is the occurrence of 3 consecutive miscarriages. The majority (85%) of women who have had two miscarriages will conceive and carry normally afterwards, so statistically the occurrence of three abortions at 0.34%[3]) is regarded as "habitual".
There are various medical conditions associated with this problem, some of which may be corrected with medication.


Common causes of Miscarriages

Uterine Abnormalities
Ectopic Pregnancy
Blighted Ovum
Luteal Phase Defects
Autoimmune Disorders
Molar Pregnancy

[Tiniest Angels]

Links

http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/miscarriage/resources.html
http://www.realsavvymoms.com/pregnan...iscarriage.php
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miscarriage


Books

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss -- Guidance and Support for You and Your Family
by Perry-Lynn Moffitt, Isabelle A. Wilkins, Ingrid Kohn
Support for this often unrecognized loss. Includes information on how men and women grieve differently, stress management in subsequent pregnancies, etc.

A Woman Doctor's Guide to Miscarriage: Essential Facts and Up-To-The
Minute Information on Coping With Pregnancy Loss and Trying Again
by Irene Daria, Laurie Abkemeier (Editor), Lynn Friedman

Coping With Miscarriage: A Simple, Reassuring Guide to Emotional and Physical Healing
by Mimi Luebbermann
Pregnancy councelor writes about emotional and physical stages of miscarriage.

Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss
by Sherokee Ilse
Support.

Empty Arms: Emotional Support for Those Who Have Suffered Miscarriage or Stillbirth
by Pam W. Vredevelt
Christian-based emotional support.

How to Prevent Miscarriage and Other Crisis of Pregnancy
by Carol Colman, Stefan Semchyshyn
Information of preventing future losses.

Never Held You: an ebook about miscarriage
by Ellen M. DuBois
Who are we? We are professionals in the workforce or professional mothers. We are painters and singers. We are caretakers and we are movie stars. Some of us may have children; while some of us don't. The one thing that connects us all is that we are women who experienced a miscarriage that seemed, in many cases, to go unacknowledged by many. We have all felt the dismissal of our very real grief and we have all felt alone and isolated because of it. We cry our tears together. You are not alone in your struggle to get through this . . .
http://dlsijpress.com/dubois/index.shtml

Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream
by Sherokee Ilse & Linda Hammer Burns
This is what I would consider a short form book of information and support. It's a fast read, but some people will want more depth.

Miscarriage: The Facts
(Oxford Medical Publications) 2nd Edition
by Gillian C. L. Lachelin

Miscarriage: What Every Woman Needs to Know
by Professor Lesley Regan
Information on causes, process, treatment, chances of successful pregnancy,
miscarriage and infertility.

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart
by Marie Allen, Ph.D. & Shell Marks, M.S.
Stories of support from many women. A very emotional read, but worth it.

Motherhood after Miscarriage
by Dr. Kathleen Diamond (Ph.D. biochemistry)
Medical info and support.

Stories of Miscarriage - Healing with Words
edited by Rachel Faldet and Karen Fitton
Moving writings from both mothers and fathers.

Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News
by Jonathan Scher, M.D.
A good look into the medical causes of loss and information on testing and prevention.

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A Complete Sourcebook for Women and Their Families
(revised & updated)
by Rochelle Friedman, MD & Bonnie Gradstein, MPH
An in-depth look at the physical and emotional, with a section on husbands & other family. Some stories, a good resource list, and great bibliography.

A Time To Decide, A Time To Heal
Molly Minnock, MSW, Kathleen Delp, ACSW and Mary Ciotti, MD
This is a book for parents who are making difficult decisions about babies they love. It's written by mothers & fathers who have faced the news of a fetal anomaly with grief & courage. Topics include: Making decisions (continuing & interrupting the pregnancy), taking control, medical procedures, couples healing, selective fetal reduction and subsequent pregnancies.

Unspeakable Losses: Understanding the Experience of Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, and Abortion
Kim Kluger-Bell
A therapist's look at the loss of a baby -- includes a number of personal stories. Looks at subjects including knowing of an in-utero death before the physical loss takes place, selective reduction, abortion for genetic reasons, loss after infertility, etc.

Moving on

If and when you are ready to move on to a thread for TTC there are these threads available:

TTC after a Loss
TTC w/ Charting
Plus Size and TTC
Seeing What Happens
Still At It
TTC at 35+

Or if you have decided to wait these threads are available:

Ladies in Waiting
Charting to Aviod

[Sabriel]

Well, I suppose this is as good a time as any. I definitely need someone to talk to.

I am pretty sure that I am miscarrying. I started spotting red blood and cramping on Wednesday evening. I called my MW the next morning. She sent me to have my hcg and progesterone levels checked. Long story short, they never called with the results and I couldn't get ahold of them. The lab also sent the results to by GP, so I called them. The doctor said that my hcg level showed that I was only 3-4 weeks pregnant and my progesterone was on the low side. She didn't give me the numbers. Well, at the time I was actually 6 weeks 2 days by my O date. This is not a good sign, right?

All day Thursday and Friday I was bleeding red a little lighter that AF. I was having cramps, but the weird thing is that I think they were actually contractions. I could time them usually 3 minutes apart, sometimes as much as 10 minutes apart for 2 days straight. Each time the pain gradually increased, peaked and then decreased to almost nothing until the next one came. I could sleep through them, but if I was awake I had to stop and breathe until it passed.

Yesterday, I was just cramping in the morning. I passed 2 clots/tissue each about the size of a grape in the early afternoon. A few hours later the bleeding slowed way down and then it stopped for about 12 hours. This morning the bleeding started again with AF cramps. I am feeling now like AF is here. My body feels totally different now. I don't feel pregnant anymore. Does that make sense?

I am going to call the MW first thing tomorrow morning. I think that I am supposed to have my hcg checked again. I also need to find out about the other bloodwork that they ran last Monday. I think I need to find out my blood type to see if I need an injection, right? If I do need the injection, when do I need to get it? I am worried that I won't get tomorrows results until Tuesday. Will that be too late? Since the MW never called me back, I am really scared that they are going to overlook something. I am really upset with them. I do not believe that they have dealt with this very well at all. This has been going on for 5 days now. Shouldn't someone have told me by now if I am for sure miscarrying or not? I really think I am, but since no one in the medical field has actually told me, part of me is still unsure. I don't think DH believes it yet, but maybe he is just in denial. Then I feel sad that I actually want someone to tell me that I am having a miscarriage. But then maybe we can start grieving and moving on.

Thanks so much for reading if you made it through.

[papergirl]

for any ladies currently approching O i wish you all the best. it would be great to have more good news this month. you know i really belive that my chant is helping bring on the BFP so i will repeat let's go sperm! get ready eggs! happy, healthy conception and lots of baby dust.

jaylin good luck this cycle.. i hope this is *it* for you.

sabriel i'm so sorry you are having these difficulties with your pregnancy and MW. it does sound like you are m/c. i hope you get to speak with your MW soon and that you get the answers you need and deserve.

i had a natural m/c at 8 weeks. ultrasounds showed the baby being about 6 weeks. most of my pregnancy symptoms were gone around week 7. during the m/c i had a lot of cramping that came in waves.. like contractions i assume though i have never experienced delivery (this was my first pregnancy). when i finally passed the baby my clear symptoms (other then passing clots) where extream fatigue and lower back pain.

for me i remember a deep desire for the whole process to be over. i just wanted to move on. seeing the bleeding was just too much. i felt like the pregnancy had ended and i just wanted the "stuff" to be over with so i could move on to TTC. i was extreamly upset over the m/c and the only hope i had at that time was knowing i could try again. i think it's natural to just want to know if it's a m/c and get past the process. we all go through it so please don't beat yourself up over this.

as for the shot, i did not need one so i can't say a lot about that. maybe one of the other girls has an answer. please keep us updated.

[purplesunshine7]

[COLOR="Red"]purplesunshine7
married 4/5/03
me:28
dh:28
m/c june 2,2005
ttc: july 2005


I hope this thread suites everyones need. I know it will be just find for me. I am trying again but every now and then I still get depressed and just need advice or just to vent.I am sorry that any of us have to be here at all. Lots of baby dust to all that want it.

[gator97]

I lurked a lot in the last thread and it helped me tremendously. I was feeling guilty because I didn't feel like I deserved to grieve since it was a chemical pregnancy. I truly appreciate everyone being so open about their feelings because it helped me so much to know that I was valid in the emotions I was feeling.

Sabriel-I have been worrying about you all weekend. I saw your post in the pregnancy thread. I am SO sorry about your loss. They may have taken your blood type when they did your initial bloodwork. That is what they did with me.. .so hopefully you will get that tomorrow. If you are RH- (the + or - in your bloodtype indicates this) then you will need a shot of RhIg--or RhoGham. If you have a negative blood type, you'll want to get this very soon. I would be insistent with your midwife tomorrow that you need to know your blood type ASAP. If you don't have a negative bloodtype, then you don't have to worry about it.

You will also want to have your HcG levels checked again. You ultimately want the levels to go back down below 5. They need to keep checking until that happens so you can be sure you don't need further medical care.

Please don't be mad at yourself. Not knowing for sure what is happening must be very scary. And feeling like your MW isn't being very helpful must be frustrating.

I hope you are able to get answers soon.

[Sabriel]

gator97 Thanks for the info about the injection. I know they did check my bloodtype when they did all of the original pg bloodwork. They just never called me with the results. :rolleyes: (This seems like a reoccuring theme.) I will be sure to find out first thing in the morning. I will also make sure they recheck my hcg.

I have been thinking about you also. We both got our BFPs on the same day, and it is so sad that we have to meet again like this. :( I hope you are doing okay.

bumbleI have to say that I LOVE your conception chant! I hope it works for you!

Looking back, many of my pregnancy symptoms (except for the bloating) stopped a few days before the bleeding. This is my first pregnancy also, but I just kept thinking "this has got to be just like having contractions." I have also been having the lower back pain since Wednesday. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It really does help. I am so sorry that you had to go through it, though.

As for trying again, sometimes I think I just want a baby NOW. Another part of me is so scared and doesn't want to try again for awhile. For now, I think we will wait a bit (you are supposed to wait a few months anyway, right?) to give us time to heal. Already, I keep seeing babies and it seems like everyone is talking about babies all of the time. My best friend is TTC and she called about an hour ago to talk about strollers and cribs and all kids of wonderful baby stuff she was looking at at USA Baby. Except for my family, no one knew that we pg (or TTC), so I know I can't really blame them. I just want to crawl in a hole. Probably the worst part of this whole thing, though is that yesterday was our 6 year dating anniversary. Not exactly how I wanted to spend that day. :(

I'm so sorry to vent like this, but I am so glad to have you girls to talk to. Not glad that we have to be here, but you KWIM.

[gator97]

bumble - hope that chant keeps working. . I'm in the 2WW.

Sabriel- I'm doing okay, thank you so much for asking. It does stink that this is how we must meet again. Hopefully next time we'll be sticky pregnancy buddies rather than just BFP buddies.

I had a while where I cried at the drop of a hat. Now, I'm just discouraged. There are babies all around us. Some close friends are pregnant, I hosted a baby shower for another good friend on Saturday, two friends just had babies. And I'm just so jealous and impatient for our turn. The universe's gentle (or not so gentle) way of telling me I need to learn more patience

There seems to be differing viewpoints on medically how long you should wait. Some say 1 cycle, some say 3 (and it depends on whether you miscarry naturally or have a D&C). Emotionally, though, you should wait as long as you need. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need.

[pacificbliss]

I am still spending my time on the pregnancy threads when really I should be here. On Friday the 7th I went in for an ultrasound. They told me my pregnancy was not progressing and that I would miscarry. I had the D & C on the 8th. I am still heartbroken. I am both anxious and terrified to try again.

Sabriel I have been following what has been happening with you and I am sorry to see you here. I know how you feel.

I was 7 and a half weeks when it happened. We had three good ultrasounds and three good HCG counts in a row. We had just begun to tell people when we got the bad news.

I have a quick question...what is a chemical pregnancy?

[gator97]

pacificbliss - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

A chemical pregnancy is basically a very early miscarriage.

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here!

[RileyMom]

SabrielI am so very sorry about your loss. :( I saw your thread earlier about cramping/bleeding and my heart broke for you. No one should have to go through this. It just sucks. I hope you will find support here, I think all of us can relate a bit to how you are feeling. {{{HUGS}}}

PacificblissI am sorry to hear of your loss as well. I too, had every single sign that things were progressing normally and healthy. I had *two* ultrasounds that showed a nice heartbeat and growth. And my numbers were through the roof. So much so, that when they did the 2nd ultrasound, they thought there was a possibility I could be having twins because my numbers were only supposed to be in the thousands at that point, and they were in the tens of thousands. I still struggle with this. I do not understand how I could have had such incredibly high numbers and a heartbeat and bam, the pregnancy ends the following week. :(

Jay&Erinn My heart goes out to you right now. I know I am going to feel exactly the same way. My OB has already told me they will get me in for an early u/s when I get my positive hpt. I know that an early u/s is not going to save a pregnancy if it is going to end in m/c anyway, but I think its just nice to know that your doctors are doing all they can. I think the way they are treating you is horrible. I would demand better care, or I would seriously go elsewhere. I know that everyone says "well there is nothing they can do anyway," and while that may be true, there is such a thing as COMPASSION for women who have suffered a loss in previous pregnancies. Leaving you hanging by a thread and not even being willing to see you is just plain cruel for a woman that has suffered two losses already. I am getting all steamed up here just thinking about it.

I swear ladies, the more I am reading about unempathetic doctors, the more pissed I am getting. :mad:

Hi to everyone else!

[ajlanden]

sabriel-I am so sorry to see you here...so sorry. I actually keep lurking in the June thread and saw your news last week. I was so hoping that it would all be okay. The worst part is how uncooperative your midwife has been. I think that is my largest emotion right now, why can't the medical profession have a little COMPASSION!!!!!! I hope you can get anwers today. I know that once I FINALLY heard the news (although I knew it in my heart), I felt a lot better. Still horrible sad, but at least we could all move one. ~many, many hugs to you today~

pacificbliss-Gosh, I am sorry for your loss. I have the same emotions about trying again. It totally changes everything.

gator-HOpe the 2WW is fast and VERY PRODUCTIVE!!! :p

purplesunshine-Thanks for your input on the thread! I totally agree...how do you ever completely get past it? You don't. Much luck TCC!!! Can't wait to join you!

bumble-Thanks again for starting this thread!!!!!!! You are awesome! If you see anything that needs fixed that I mess up, please feel free to help! :eek:

Oh and for all you newly pg ladies, please stop by with your fresh ~baby dust~!!!! You are in our thoughts!!!

[Jenzen01]

Hi all.

I'm doing a bit better today. My bleeding is more like heavy spotting now, and I actually had one day this weekend with almost nothing. I'm so glad to at least see a slow down. For a while, I was wondering if this would go on for weeks.

We're doing better emotionally, too, although I still cry at moments.

The frustrating part is that I want to be pregnant NOW. I hate the idea that it could be a very long time before I have another baby because we're supposed to wait until the beginning of the year to try again. (I also want to be done breastfeeding.)

sabriel - so sorry to hear your news. i know how you feel, and my heart aches for you.

Jen

[papergirl]

gator: Keeping happy spirits for you.

ajlanden: You are more then welcome and THANK YOU for being the threadmaster.

sabriel: As someone said, doctors seem to differ on when you can try again. I was told to wait one cycle but longer if emotionally I was not ready. I think as time progresses I am actually getting worse emotionally. For me it’s been a journey that gets harder when I don’t expect it.

And thanks for loving my chant. This is my third time to say. The first two times were both followed up by someone announcing a BFP. I hope it happens again and again!

Question: Did anyone see Grey’s Anatomy last night? A character on the show had an ectopic pregnancy and she is someone that is very unemotional. She has not shown a lot of sadness towards the pregnancy ending and was actually considering abortion. At the end of the show she broke down and just balled like a baby. This of course makes me tear up. Then the father of the baby (a Doctor she never told about the pregnancy) holds her and I just wanted to cry. OK, I think I did cry. It was so sweet and touching. I was wondering is anyone else had these same reactions.

[RileyMom]

Bumble I saw it too. And I cried. One of the things I have learned from this experience is that you can think you have it all under control (like she did) and then it all sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I know its just a show, but I was very touched by that storyline. For once, I think tv might have gotten it right.

[shouldaeloped]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to stop by to say thank you for starting the new thread. this has been such a great support to me over the past year and I am so glad it's still here for anyone going through this right now.

sabriel- I am so sorry. words can't make it better, I know that. it takes time. and I don't think the scars and the pain and fear ever leave you. I keep telling myself that this must have happened for a reason. someone I love is going to miscarry and without anyone else in my family having been through this, they are going to need a rock. there has to be a reason because this is way too painful for anyone to have to go through without a reason. this is a long journey, longer for some than for others, but it's definitely personal and unique to each of us. and I am so so sorry that you have to start yours out like this. especially with that yucky midwife that won't call you back.

pacificbliss and gator- I'm so sorry you two have to join us as well. this is happening to way too many of us. I hope you both have speedy recoveries and sticky BFP's soon!

jay&erinn- going through the same thing here. BFP last week, doctor appointment not scheduled until next week. I finally called today and suggested they set me up with the lab for Betas and Progesterone. we'll see how they react. they have nothing to lose... I have everything to lose. sigh.

anyway... I did want do drop off some fresh ~*~* BABY DUST *~*~ for everyone. here's to more sticky BFP's soon!

[papergirl]

pacificbliss like you i spend A LOT of time lurking in the pregnancy thread, group mom's thread etc. i think most of us do this.

rileymom it was such a great storyline! i should be O'ing soon so me and DH had a date to BD after the show. not the most ideal time to start crying. :rolleyes:

[ajlanden]

pacificbliss-I am a guilty lurker too. :confused:

shouldaeloped-I am sure the baby dust is appreciated!!! I leave it for everyone else, but make sure to come back next month and leave some more!

Rileymom-I have lost all faith in our medical profession...can you really get that cold after being a doc for too long?

Jen-Glad you bleeding is slowing down! I too want to be pg now. It is just so unfair.

Question: Not that it really matters, but I am starting to chart again and I am not sure when to begin my chart. Should I start it from when I first started bleeding or when I actually know I m/c'd? I am waiting one cylce...then it is ON!!!! The goodnews is that I have finally stopped bleeding.

[papergirl]

ajlanden: so you just stopped bleeding from the m/c, right? at some point you will start bleeding again - this being your period. you should start charting at the start of this bleeding since each cycle begins with the start of your period.

[ajlanden]

bumble-That makes sense, but I want to know if I am going to ovulate after all this crap...maybe I'll just starting temping and not really start a chart. Then once I get AF, I will officially start charting. Thanks!

[papergirl]

ajlanden i see, you want to start BD before you get your period, right?

we did that as well. i temped and wrote my temps down on a chart but did not use it in the official way as having a CDx since like you i did not know when to "officially" begin. i just temped, wrote my temps down and watched my CM.

i think i recall reading that for some people they O around the same time they would had they not been pregnant. so i looked at my past charts and predicted when my O date would be had i not gotten pregnant based on the number of days in my normal cycle. so the cycle i m/c i O'd on assumed CD23 and normally i O on CD25 so i was very close. for me it meant i got my period about two weeks after i stopped bleeding from the m/c.

HTH.

[ajlanden]

We are going to use protection this month...I just more curious to see if my body will get back to normal.

So, I want to make sure I am understand you...you recall that the O date "should" be around the time you would've O'd had you NOT been pg at all. So I m'c around 7 weeks, so I should be Oing anytime now even though I just now done with the bleeding... Hmmmm.... I was thinking it would be a couple weeks from now. I would love it to be sooner!!!! Thank you!

[RileyMom]

Ajlanden As you know, my situation was different because I had a d&c. We were not allowed to bd for 2 weeks after the d&c anyway. Then around 17 days after my d&c, (right about the time we got the green light to bd again) I started getting cm, then ewcm, so we abstained again. Two (almost three) weeks later, I got AF (yesterday). In all I got AF 36 days after the d&c. My cycle is normally 28, so it was 7 days longer.

We did not use protection (bad, I know), and I did not temp, but I just paid really close attention to my body's signals.

I am only charting this time just to see what is going on and to make sure my body is doing what it is supposed to. I will probably do it for a few months to be sure I am back on track, but probably not long term.

[kdotp]

Thank you for including me, ladies. I know I haven't been around much, I'm still trying to adjust to the fact I'm pg.


Update: BFP July 11
EDD: March 14, 2006

I'm almost 19 weeks, and it seems incredible that I've made it this far. That doesn't keep me from having tons of fears and worries and doubts every day about how things are going. I think I will always have them, no matter how many times I'm pg.

At my first appointment, my OB felt a cyst on one of my ovaries, which she thought was probably helping sustain this pg. It has since gone away, but I'm going to inquire about progesterone therapy for any subsequent pregnancies. It may not always solve the problem, but it's worth trying.

ajlanden It varies from woman to woman and even m/c to m/c. My first m/c, I probably O'd only 4 or so days later than "normal." My second m/c I O'd about 11 days later than normal. Looking back at my charts, it appears both times I had EWCM.

[Sabriel]

Sabriel
Name: C, 24
DH: J, 23
Married: May 22, 2005
M/C: @ 6 weeks 4 days, October 15, 2005
TTC: Not sure yet

I talked to the midwife today. I definitely miscarried this weekend. I am so relieved to finally know for sure. Now I can grieve properly and try to move on.

ajlanden I have the same question. For now, I started CD 1 as the firsst day the bleeding started. Only because that is what I would do if it was AF. I don't know if that's right or not. I am wondering if I will O also. I started temping, so I guess we'll see.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies- I came to check out the new thread (wish we didn't have to have one in the first place:rolleyes: ).

I'm hanging in there. I'm thinking about calling my doc's office tomorrow and hoping I don't get the same witch on the phone. Maybe I can get some beta levels drawn and see if this pregnancy is progressing OK. I REALLY don't want to wait until next Tuesday to get any info.

shouldaeloped: Did you get a return phone call??? Wondering how it went.

RileyMom: Thanks so much for your words of support. I would switch offices in a minute, except the next closest office is 30 minutes away. My first pregnancy (which resulted in my daughter) was really rough on me- I wasn't able to drive and was blacking out quite often. This office is 5 minutes away, so I could usually find someone to take me to appts. I also love a few of the docs- unfortunately I keep getting stuck with one of the two I don't like. If I can get through to the nurse tomorrow and get an appt with a doc I like, I'll let it go and complain to the doc about the treatment. If I can't get any results tomorrow, I may change practices and do the best I can.

ajlanden: I did the same thing bumble did- O'ed right around CD14. I was still bleeding from my m/c, but O'ed anyway. I only had 6 days without some form of bleeding or spotting from the start of my m/c to the start of AF. Good luck.

kdotp: Yea for making it to 19 weeks. Good luck the rest of the pregnancy. Keep coming back with updates:D

Sabriel: I'm sorry for your loss. Glad you're starting to be able to grieve. Stop by for all the support you need.

[shouldaeloped]

jay&erinn- I did get a call back approximately 4 hours later. it was my doctor this time instead of the nurse and she was wonderful. she reminded me of a conversation she and I had after I miscarried the second time about going on progesterone pretty much immediately. so she called in a prescription for me that I picked up today. she did discourage the beta and prog. check at this stage in the game since other than the prog, if my betas and/or prog were low, there wouldn't be anything she could do anyway. so I was satisfied with going on the prog today. I did come to the realization though that I don't think they talk to each other in the office. I called to tell my PB I was pg, and the nurse returned my call (this was to set the original appointment) when I talked to my OB, she acted like she had no idea I was pg or had called last week at all. It was very odd to me as I had to ask special permission to see her intead of the NP. and she had no idea I was pg????? I guess you have to talk to the right person and ask the right questions to get any kind of an answer. I have called her 4 times since I got my BFP last Wednesday. :o I guess I'm going to be one of THOSE patients. Please let me know how your phone call goes tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you.

in other news.. I am terrified every day. been quite crampy, sometimes sharp without any other real symptoms. scaring me to death. it's really a shame how the trauma and scarring of a m/c never really leaves you.

[papergirl]

I should be O’ing any day. I am currently on CD27. I really wish it would happen today but my CM is still steady so I fear it’s going to be another day (please don’t let it be more then that!). Tonight I think I’ll be seducing my husband.

This cycle I’m trying something I refer to as “positive thinking for a positive aura.” It’s totally made up but I’m totally convinced it’s going to seal the deal. :cool: Basically I am trying to stay happy-happy-happy during these pre-O days. It’s all about positive thoughts and envisioning my egg meeting Mr. Sperm.

You may recall that last cycle I did something similar.. I avoided any talk (including online) that had to do with TTC. It was all about eliminating the stress and worry about it happening. Umm, it didn’t work! The stress was gone but I was still babyless. I think the key thing (that was missing) was happy thoughts.

I might be delusional but at least I’m not crying –yet. :)

I'm sprinklin' baby bust on myself.:p

[papergirl]

kdopt: i can't believe it's been 19 weeks. congratulations !! i hope your pregnancy continues to go smoothly. did your doctor do anything different with this pregnancy?

jay+erinn please keep up posted on how things go with your doctor.

shouldaeloped i'm happy to hear that you are on progesterone. i know doctors don't necessarily agree on it but if it doesn't hurt the baby then i'm all for doing something to at least attempt to avoid a m/c.

i hope all of you ladies will keep us posted about what your doctors may be doing differently. it will surly help all of us who hope to follow in your shoes.

[ajlanden]

bumble-Keep those happy thoughts coming! It can't hurt! Have fun with the seduction! :eek:

shouldaeloped-Remember that cramping is normal! But I am sure that freaking out is normal too! I am glad you got some progesterone!

jay&erin-I'm with you, I would way rather do away with this thread.

Thanks for the help ladies! I hope I have some O'ing action soon!

Good luck to all!

Off to update...

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here!

[taraw]

Hi ladies. Well, I am totally freaking out. I started spotting last night and I am still spotting this morning. It is only a tiny bit, but this is how my last miscarriage started. I called my doctor's office over 3 hours ago, as soon as they opened. I was told I would be getting a call back from either the doctor or a nurse as soon as possible. Aaarrrggg! Don't they know that this type of stuff can make a person crazy? I just wish they would call and ask me to come in. I know there is nothing they can do if I am going to miscarriage again, but they could at least check my hcg levels to see if they are where they should be. I just want to know!

[shouldaeloped]

taraw- I'm sorry you are spotting again. let's hope it's just normal spotting and that everything is going to be fine. from what I hear, it can be perfectly normal to spot a little during pregnancy. please keep us posted on what your doctor says. I'm saying a little prayer for you!

aj- thanks for the reminder on the cramping being normal. it feels like these first 14 week are going to be nothing even close to normal. trying very hard to keep my sanity!

bumble- sounds like you have a good evening planned!!!

here's some fresh ~*~* BABY DUST*~*~ for you and tons of STICKY VIBES for Taraw!!!

[RileyMom]

Tara {{{hugs}} This is awful, isn't it? A lot of times spotting can mean absolutely nothing, but once you've had a miscarriage, it means EVERYTHING. I am sending tons of thoughts and prayers your way. Please let us know what the doctor says, okay?

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: You're in my thoughts. Hopefully it's just nothing. I know how you feel. Spotting makes your mind race, thinking of all the bad possibilities. Doesn't help when the doc's office make you wait around forever. Put your feet up until you hear from them. Keep us posted.

I called my doc's office 4 hours ago. I got a different receptionist who felt I should bypass the nurse and talk to a nurse practicioner (who's very nice). Unfortunately she's was with a patient. I'm still waiting for a call back. I hate waiting.

[Nigellas]

How scary, Tara! :( You are on progesterone, right? Sometimes the suppositories can cause spotting. Hoping for the best for you. Let us know what the doctor says.

[shouldaeloped]

I called my doc's office 4 hours ago. I got a different receptionist who felt I should bypass the nurse and talk to a nurse practicioner (who's very nice). Unfortunately she's was with a patient. I'm still waiting for a call back. I hate waiting.

It sounds like you might have a way around the nasty lady. just talking to my doctor and then getting the progesterone supplements made a world of difference to me. I hope she calls you back soon for some peace of mind.

I hate waiting too.

[taraw]

Thanks for all of the well wishes girls! The nurse finally called me back. I am going to go in this afternoon to have my hcg levels tested. If they aren't really low then I will be tested again on Thursday to make sure that they are multiplying the way it should be.

Nigellas, yes, I am taking Progesterone, but I was prescribed the oral medication. I ran out of the pills on Sunday and the pharmacy/insurance wouldn't refill it again until Monday. So I did go one full day without it. I wonder if that would have anything to do with the spotting?

jay&erinn, I hope you hear back soon. The waiting is the worst part!

[Jenzen01]

hi all.

tara - i'm sending some good thoughts your way. hopefully it's nothing.

as for me, i'm finally done bleeding. just spotting brown a bit. thank goodness. the other good thing is that my milk supply has gone back to normal. i was down to getting only 6 oz. when i pumped midday, and today i got 9! yeah!

the pressure is on for me to wean gabe. i want to be done bfing by the time we start ttcing, which will all happen at the end of the year. gabe can start on regular milk in about a month and a half. i just hope weaning isn't as stressful as i think it might be.

ttfn,
jen

[ajlanden]

taraw-Are you 8w yet? With DD I spotted when my period was due... I hope it is all normal!!!

[Sabriel]

Jenzen01 I'm glad the bleeding has stopped. As of today I am just brown spotting as well, and I have to say that emotionally I feel a little better now that I am not bleeding.

taraw I am glad that the nurse called you back and that you are getting the bloodwork done. I hope everything is okay! I agree with RileyMom, it does mean everything to those of us that have been through this. The worst part is not knowing what is going on. (((hugs)))

jay&erinn I hope the NP called you back and that she was able to help you out.

I just got a call from the midwife about my lab results. As of yesterday, my hcg and progesterone levels were almost down to where they should be prepregnancy. She said that they are almost definitely below that by now. She also said that all of my prenatal bloodwork that I had done at the beginning of last week was completely normal. There is nothing else we need to do. I just have to go in for a followup appointment next Tuesday to talk about when we can TTC again, etc. DH and I have talked and we definitely want to TTC again as soon as possible.

Hope you ladies are all doing okay.

[jay&erinn]

Well, I sat around the house all day waiting for a return call. I never heard from anyone. I'm so frustrated. I figure I'll give it until 1:00 tomorrow (that gives them time in the morning and over lunch to get back to me).

Taraw: Any news???? How are you feeling?

Sabriel: Good luck at your follow up. We only had to wait one cycle before trying again.

[sdauer21]

I still pop in here periodically. This thread offered so much support to me a year ago. While I wish it was gone (who wants to be a member of this thread??), I'm glad to see the caring and support is still strong!!

Tara I read your post, and just wanted to offer a bit of hope. When I miscarried last August, I had had no spotting or anything to indicate trouble. In November, we found out we were pregnant again, and I was positively terrified to find spotting in January. There was a small amount on Saturday, but I tried to ignore it. It came back, and slightly heavier, on Monday. I called the doc, who was able to get me in for an ultrasound right away, and much to my relief, the baby was fine. I do hope you are facing the same situation - that your baby is just fine, and only snuggling in deeper for a long 9 months. {hugs} to you...the waiting and wondering just plain sucks!! :(

Best wishes to all of you TTC, and my thoughts go out to those of you who are recently joining up. May you all find peace soon!

Sonya

[ajlanden]

taraw-Any news? I have been sending postive vibes your way!!!!

jay&erin-How frustrating! If I were you I would've been on the phone long ago!!

Sabreil-I hope you can get the answers you want. One doc (the one I hate) told me to wait 2-3 cycles. The other said to wait just one. I think I will take the one. From what I have read there is really no "medical" reason to wait. Of course, I do think you should follow your docs advice.

Sonya-Thanks for stopping by!!!

I have had some EW CM today...does it mean I am Oing...time will tell!

[Jenzen01]

Back to red spotting today. I'm on Day 12 of some sort of bleeding.

However, I'm wondering if I could have possibly Od? I had pains on my ovary last night ... I usually get pretty good mittleshmirtz. Could I still be bleeding and Oing at the same time? Or maybe my body still doens't know what the heck is going on. I don't know ...

I had a really awkward run-in with a coworker today. He stopped me in the production area and said, "I heard some rumors that I'm not sure I should know about ... so, is it true?" I said, "Yes, I lost the baby. No, I"m not pregnant. And yes, I'd rather have everyone know than someone think I am, indeed, pregnant."

He could of said, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

[papergirl]

i had a bad morning. :( i recently mentioned i had went to the doctor for a hurt foot and was told i had high blood presure. today i had a follow up appointment and things aren't any better. it's more then that but i just can't talk about it right now.. too much anger and i am really trying to keep with my happy-happy aura. :o also, i think i may be O'ing. i'm very happy about that.

taraw - seeing your post just sucks! i am thinking of you and really hope this is nothing.

sonya - thanks for posting. i know for me it means a lot to see and hear from ladies that m/c and have went on to have healthy pregnancies. i hope you don't mind me asking but did you take progesterone (sp?) after the m/c?

Jenzen01 - for me the bleeding just intensified my sadness. i know for everyone it's different but i remember a lot of emotions setteling when the bleeding of the m/c stopped and they resurfaced when i got my first period (and every period thereafter). but the first period was bad and i just cried like a baby. you may be different but i just wanted to put this out there since you might find yourself going back to that darker place. it happens.

have a great day ladies

[papergirl]

Jenzen01...

I had a really awkward run-in with a coworker today. He stopped me in the production area and said, "I heard some rumors that I'm not sure I should know about ... so, is it true?"

Ouch! Not really the best way to ask/bring up a m/c? That just seems really wrong. I'm sorry someone came to you with that and I think your reply was well stated.

Hugs!

[shouldaeloped]

jenzen- I think I would have beat him up. there are so many polite ways to ask those types of questions. . . what he said doesn't quite make the list. sorry you had to listen to that.


on a totally separate note, today is my 3 year anniversary. yesterday, my DH sent me flowers and the note said "3rd times a charm." I didn't fully understand the double entendre until later. . but 3 years. . 3rd pregnancy. this one's gotta stick.

anyway- just had to share. he has been a rock through this whole thing. I just hope this time I can really give him a DD or DS.

[ajlanden]

shouldaeloped-Happy Anniversary!! Hope you can relax a little and have some fun! ~sticky vibes!~

bumble-Come on eggie! I hope you are doing okay!

Jen-Sorry your bleeding started again...ughh! Constant reminder. From what people told me it is totally possible you are Oing. It seem strange to me, but possible!

[jay&erinn]

Jenzen01: I definately O'ed and bled at the same time. I bled for 3.5 weeks from the m/c and then got AF 6 days later. Boy was I sick of it by then.

bumble: Keep up the positive thinking. I'm trying to do my best with it too. It's so hard to believe in this pregnancy when the past two have failed.

shouldaeloped: Happy Anniversary!!!

The doc's office finally called this afternoon. I'm having blood work tomorrow morning. We'll see how the numbers come out. Once my betas reach 4000, I'll have an ultrasound. I'm incredibly nervous. What if my betas are really low? I really don't feel very pregnant. Everyone keeps telling me that it's early, but I always have felt pregnant by now. About a week after the feeling goes away, I usually m/c. They said if my numbers are good, and the ultrasound shows it's a uterine pregnancy, they'd put me on progesterone. I think that's a little backwards, but I'm just thankful they're doing something.

[JAYLIN]

Gosh, TARA I hope everything is okay. don't know if this will make you feel any better but 2 of my m/cs I never had any bleeding and with my DD I bled alot......so hopefully you have nothing to worry about.

ERINN, hopefully you'll get things figured out so you can relax a little bit.

To everyone else happy Oing!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```

Well I'm on CD29 no sign of AF and many BFNs....this is feeling like a repeat of last month (41day cycle) I've got a Dr appt on Fri to hopefully try to figure out why I seem so messed up, I've never been like this and have never had a problem "getting" pregnant...now sticking them is a whole nother story.

On a lighter note, today is my DD 1st B-day. so I've got all her party plans for this weekend keeping me busy. But of course not busy enough to not test morning and night..so much for trying to avoid 2xs a day!!!

The only good thing is I'm getting a pelvic ultrasound next Fri, doc wants it done. And if I'm preg they'll definately see something there!

[Sabriel]

JAYLIN I hope they see a little one at your ultrasound! Happy Birthday to your DD! :)

jay&erinn That seems a little backwards to me too, but I'm glad that you have a plan now. Sending sticky vibes your way!

shouldaeloped That is so sweet of your DH! Sending sticky vibes to you too!

bumble I'm so sorry that you are having a bad time. I hope things get better for you!

Jenzen01 Sorry about the bleeding. I really hope it's O bleeding! Sorry about the insensitive coworker too. :(

I've had a hard day today. The bleeding has stopped, and now my emotions are just flowing out. I think I was mostly numb until now, which is pretty typical of me when I am grieving. I think it is a self-preservation thing.

[purplesunshine7]

hello ladies,

JAYLIN: I will say a prayer for you that you get what you want.

JAY and ERINN: Try not to get too worried until you have some certainty, I know that is easier said than done, but it won't help to get your anxiety up. Sending sticky and calming vibes to you.:)

BUMBLE: Keep up your happy vibes and happy o'ing

SABRIEL: I know how you feel the emotions become so tiering that you start to feel nothing, I hope you feel better soon.

JENZEN: Some people just don't know how to be sensitive, I had a co- worker just come straight out and ask me. I guess they just don't understand the emotions of a m/c. I hope you feel better soon.


I am on cd20, I really didn't think this would be our month. I usually can feel when I O but I didn't feel it this month but we did b'd around the time right before I would feel the O pains. It has been 6 days past the last time b'd. I have been very gaqssy the past few days but that could have been something I ate. I saw the bathroom alot today, but that could just be me reading into something that isn't there. When I wiped there was some bright red blood not alot but enough for me to notice, the next time I went to the bathroom and wiped again it was now a brownish color, not alot either. Now when I do it there is nothing. I am trying not to read into any of this but it is so hard not to get my hopes up. Well I don't intend to test until after af is late unless some more obvious signs appear. wish me luck .

[papergirl]

Everyone, thank you so much for your kind words and conception wishes. Yesterday was not my best day but it ended on a good note.

A few weeks back I went to see a doctor and was told my blood pressure was high so I needed to be monitored. I have to note that this summer when I was pregnant I went to see my OBGYN 4 times between May and June and I never had high blood pressure, though I am overweight. Yesterday was my follow up appointment and my blood pressure was still high. :( I can’t believe this. I now need to go back again in three weeks and if it is still high I may need medication. This can’t be good for TTC/pregnancy. The doctor continues to give me the flustered look and does not understand why my high bp was not caught this summer. Maybe because I did not have high bp then? My doctor asks me if I’m stressed and honestly I don’t *feel* stressed. I have a lot on my plate - I work a full time job, I also have my own business, my partner is leaving all on top of TTC. It sounds like a lot but my day job is easy, my own business is good and I am happy that my partner is leaving. I really feel great and I have been super relaxed about TTC this cycle. However, I can’t help but wonder if I am stressed and just don’t know it. It seems so odd that I have never had high bp and now its horribly off the charts?? None of this can be good for TTC and all I can think is if it’s high now what is it going to look like when I do get pregnant? I’d feel just awful. Not to mention it does not help that this doctor made the flipped comment that my high bp may be what caused my m/c.

After the appointment I called DH and lost it. I was hysterical, sobbing into the phone and I was at work. :eek: All of an hour later I was fine. Still upset about the high bp but not cry-like-a-baby upset. Then in the evening I had spotting (which never use to happen to me). This is where my not-so-great-of-a-day turned to a happy one. The cycle I got pregnant I spotted the day of ovulation. Better then that I had a ridiculous crying fit over the dumbest thing and was sobbing. DH had never seen me that hysterical and was totally freaked out. I know I ovulated yesterday so I’m really hopeful that all this odd behavior is going to result in good news but then again this could be reading into everything, which is totally me. If this is it, and gosh I hope it is, I have the high bp issue so these next two weeks I am going to really watch myself, eat healthy and eliminate as much salt as I can from my diet (something I am guilty of not being good about).

purplesunshine7 i hope this is it for you. how long are your cycles normally?

sabriel get the emotions out are part of the healing process. take your time and don't rush moving on. it's OK.

jaylin i'm cheering for you!!

erinn i am so happy to hear the doctors will be doing *something*. please keep us posted. you are in my thoughts.

shouldaeloped happy three year anniversary. i do home three is a chram for you!

[ajlanden]

purplesunshine-Gosh, waiting is the pits... I wish we all had cystal balls, so we wouldn't have to stress so much. I hope your feelings are wrong and you are pg right now!!!

Sabriel-Ah, boy do I know how you feel. It is like once you hear the "final" news, you feel a little better...but then you have to start dealing with it sometimes. I have moments where I just break down too. I totally get it. ~hugs~

Jaylin-I hope you get some "good" news from the doctor!! Happy b-day to your DD!!!!!!! :D

Erinn-Here is hoping for GREAT BIG HUGE numbers!!!!!!

So I started bleeding again today...AF? I have been temping for about 6 days...my temps are middle of the road, so maybe I already O'd during all the bleeding? Or maybe it is just left over from the m/c. I guess if it continues, I'll assume AF has arrive and we can start TTC. If it stops, I'll wait. Waiting BLOWS!

Take care everyone!!!!!!!!

[jay&erinn]

bumble: Have they given you other suggestions on how to lower your BP without meds???? Maybe you can try those first.

Waiting BLOWS!
Couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm still waiting for my doc's office to call me about my blood work. I had it done at 8:30 this morning. It makes me nervous that they haven't called. Normally a nurse calls over lunch when I have blood work done. I'm hoping a doc doesn't call tonight. That would probably not be good news. If I don't hear by after lunch tomorrow, I'll call in for the results.

[excitedbride]

Wanted to update, hoping that everything is ok.

From my LJ:

From my LJ:

[I] had my blood test taken again last Friday. I didn't think anything was wrong since I hadn't heard back. Well I get a call from the nurse today, my beta is just fine she says, but my progesterone went down to 18. That is from 29.7! And I am on the prog supps., of course I start crying. She asked when I had an u/s and I told her it is next Thursday. She put me on hold to ask the Dr. if that was ok. I told her I was all worried now and that I don't know if I could wait that long. She said she wanted me to get my blood drawn again and that I could do that sooner. So I am going in today to get the paper work and get it done. I won't have the results til Monday though. This is going to be torture. I know that number is ok, but it went down so much! She said that is ok. But obviously it is worth worrying over.

And an update:

called Justin and told him what was going on. He said not to worry. But was asking, what are they going to do if the number is lower? I told him I didn't know, and that maybe he could call and talk to the nurse? He did call and he left me a voicemail. Saying that my beta's were really good, and that my progesterone is still within good levels. It isn't low. Or at least on Friday it wasn't. It did make me feel better that he called. He also said that if my number does come back low they will double my progesterone level.

Hopefully Wesley naps now, and after that I will go get the paperwork and go to the lab.

My fingers are crossed!

I know my numbers are ok. Just worrys me that my progesterone dropped. I have been told though that your numbers flucuate through the day. So that gives me hope.

[shouldaeloped]

excitedbride- I saw your post in the june mommies thread but wanted to respond over here. I am so sorry you are going through this right now. . and I know it's the fear more than anything. your betas are doing great and although your progesterone is still in normal limits, it's fallen. and that alone is enough to throw people like us into a tail spin. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to offer you but I don't think there's anything anyone can say until you see that baby for yourself. I will be thinking about you and sending as many sticky vibes as I can spare your way. Please keep us posted. Damn, I hate this. Pregnancy should be a joy, it should be an exciting time. . this fear is for the birds.

jay&erinn- it always feels like as soon as you NEED someone to call you back, they take forever. crossing my fingers for you too.


Thank you to everyone for the Happy Anniversay wishes. it was low key but a nice day. DH is taking me out to dinner Saturday night.

just out of curiosity- does or did anyone get cramps/heavy pressure in your cervix instead of in the uterus? it feels like my cervix is going to fall out of my body but my uterine cramps have all but disappeared. just wondering if anyone had any great insight on that. . .

[RileyMom]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to let Tara, excitedbride, jay&erinn, and shouldaeloped know that all of you are in my thoughts and I am saying a silent prayer that all of your babies are sticky ones. Take care everyone, and be well. :)

[purplesunshine7]

Hi Ladies,

EXCITEDBRIDE: I am glad you got some kind of good news,will keep my fingers crossed for you.

BUMBLE: Concerns with high bp is a big bummerI know. There is a big history of it in my family. I don't have it but it was something they were watching when I was pg. My cycle is usually 26days. I will keep praying for you

AJLANDEN: Thanks for the kinds words I really hope my feelings are wrong too, your right waiting is the pits, it would be nice if we all had our own looking glass inside our bodies. I would guess that it is AF so get ready ttc and goodluck I pray that you will not have ttc for long.

Nothing new with me yet I just wanted to respond to some of you. Good luck and lots of baby dust and sticky vibes to all of you.

[excitedbride]

Shouldaeloped Thank you so much. It is hard because the number has gone done and that is what has me worried. The same thing happened last pg. I don't remember what my numbers were, but they did go down. I wasn't on the prog supps yet at that time though. So I am hoping they are doing their job and working! I don't think I can handle having another m/c so well. And next Thursday can't come soon enough! I know the chances of anything going wrong goes significantly down after you see the h/b. But that also has me worried, as we did see the h/b last time. This is definetly hard, and we shouldn't have anything to fear. It really should be an exciting time in our life and only that!

I am trying to stay positive and not worry!:D

Rileymom & purplesunshine Thank you so much.

[sdauer21]

sonya - thanks for posting. i know for me it means a lot to see and hear from ladies that m/c and have went on to have healthy pregnancies. i hope you don't mind me asking but did you take progesterone (sp?) after the m/c?


Bumble No, I didn't go on progesterone for my subsequent pregnancy. I never had any testing, and have no idea why my baby did not survive. We didn't even make it to an ultrasound - I was scheduled for one on Monday, and miscarried on Sunday. I suspect that because I have now had two successful pregnancies that progesterone wasn't the problem for me.

I've had a hard day today. The bleeding has stopped, and now my emotions are just flowing out. I think I was mostly numb until now, which is pretty typical of me when I am grieving. I think it is a self-preservation thing.

Sabriel {{hugs}} I remember being totally shocked by the intensity of emotion after I stopped being so numb. I expected to grieve, but didn't realize my emotions would blind sight me as much as they did, and still do.

[excitedbride]

Sabriel I am so sad to see you over here. I am glad you have found this thread though. I have found such great comfort in the ladies here. ((((HUGS)))))

Sticky vibes to all of us that are pg!

And good luck vibes to those TTC!

[taraw]

RileyMom, thank you so much. I know those prayers are helping! :)

excitedbride, I am sorry you are going through this. The waiting and worrying is so stressful. I am really praying that everything is going to work out okay for you.

jay&erinn, any word from your doctor's office yet?

I will get my test results today. They got my beta levels from Tuesday (but I don't know what they are. My nurse said that she would only call me about Tuesday's level if it was really low) then I went back in yesterday. Hopefully my hcg levels doubled from Tuesday to yesterday. My Dr. office is not open yet and the waiting is killing me!!

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: I'm thinking of you. Good luck today.

I haven't heard anything from my doc's office. I called and left a message this morning, and still haven't heard.

[ajlanden]

Erinn-I am impatient for you...Gosh darn it, call her BACK!!! Please let us know when you hear. I am thinking positive thoughts for you!

taraw-Here's hoping for big #s today!

excitedbride-I am crossing my fingers for you! It has to be a good sign that your betas are fine and you are sups!! Stick baby, stick!

Me: Still bleeding. I am pretty sure it is AF. I think that we are going to wait one more cycle before TTC. I don't want to, but it is probably the best. We are going to Mexico for my sis's wedding in NOvember and I don't want to be just newly pg. I will be frantic. Plus I want to drink Margaritas!!:D

You are all in my thoughts daily. Thanks for sharing your stories, it has helped me tremedously.

[papergirl]

I have to say I’m really annoyed for all you ladies that are having to wait (and wait) for your doctors to call you. I hope you get those calls soon, with good news of course.

Erinn, after my first appointment where I was told I needed monitoring they also suggested I take half an aspirin a day and try to decrease salt. Walking was also suggested. I did the aspirin and decreased my salt, which lowered my bp but it’s still high.

*update* At my doctors appointment they tested me for other things. Everything checked out great (cholesterol etc.) but my blood sugar was high. They retested at my last appointment and today I got the results… still high. I am now being diagnosed as borderline diabetic. Since I am TTC and in the waiting phase I was told to stop taking the aspirin, which they hoped would help my bp. My doctor said if I get pregnant I have to see an OBGYN immediately and that I will be considered high risk. Not very good news. She said TTC is OK but that I need to be aware of these things. It’s so much to take in but I’m hanging in there. I would really like this to be our cycle but now I wonder.

Why can’t anything just be easy!

[jay&erinn]

Well, I finally heard back. My betas are over 2000 (that was exactly at 5 weeks). That's all I know. I'm hoping that's OK. They told me to keep my appt on tuesday (unfortunately it's with the doc I don't care for- maybe she'll surprise me and be better). I'll request another blood draw and hopefully an ultrasound in the very near future. I mentioned that I still don't feel pregnant and she didn't seem concerned. I wish I wasn't.

Bumble: Being labeled as high risk isn't necessarily a bad thing if it gets you the treatment you deserve. Special treatment will hopefully result in a health baby in the near future.

[Sabriel]

jay&erinn I think that your beta sounds good for 5 weeks. I hope your appointment on Tuesday goes well!

bumble I'm so sorry that your having to go through all of this. Glad that you can still TTC, but I'm sure that it is all very sterssful. (((hugs)))

ajlanden Sorry that you need to wait another cycle to TTC. Mexico will be fun though!

taraw I hope you have gotten your results by now and that everything is okay!

excitedbride Yes, everyone here is wonderful. :)

I am feeling better today. I am sure the new few weeks will be a roller coaster of emotions, though. I am eager to go to my appointment on Tuesday, so I can find out when we can TTC again.

Hope everyone is doing well! Sticky vibes to all of the pg girls!

[taraw]

Sorry for the quick fly-by post, but I got my results. My levels were over 45,000, the nurse said that was very high and she said that I should be fine. :) She told me to take it easy over the weekend and my first apt is on Wednesday. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!

[Sabriel]

taraw I am SO glad that your levels are high. Hope you can relax and have a good weekend!

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: YEA for high numbers!!!!! Good luck at your appt on Wednesday.

Sabriel: Good luck at your appt. Hope you get good news about TTC. The next few weeks/months will be a roller coaster- that's why we're here:)

[excitedbride]

Sabriel I hope everything goes well at your appt.!

Tara Wow, great numbers!

Jay&Erinn I think that number sounds good for 5weeks!

[Jenzen01]

Hi ladies.

Yeah for all the high numbers! That's great news.

As for me, not much is going on. I'm just spotting the tiniest bit now. It's been two weeks since I miscarried ... somedays, I forget about it, and then I'll suddenly remember that I was pregnant just a few weeks ago. Seems like an another lifetime.

Anyone watch Gray's Anatomy last night? Stupid cliffhanger. Now I HAVE to see it next week!

ttfn,
Jen

[ajlanden]

Just checking in...how is everyone doing?

Jen-I have never watched it...maybe I should start.

Boring here...my bleeding stopped, so I am not convinced it was AF. I am temping every morning trying to detect O.

[Sabriel]

Arrrggghh! I thought my MW appointment was tomorrow, but it is not until NEXT Tuesday. :( Oh well.

We were bad and UDD last night. I am guessing that I won't O for awhile, though. I just want to start trying again!

Jenzen01 I could've written your post. Sometimes I am okay, but other times I am not. Sometimes it feels like I was pg a year ago, but it's only been a week. Glad to hear the bleeding has almost stopped.

Going to Target last night was a mistake. There were pregnant women and babies everywhere. I started crying in the store and had to leave. I have never really been a jealous person, and I'm so surprised how strong these feelings are. Poor DH doesn't know what to do with me.

I am already dreading the holidays, because my cousin's wife is due in April. Depending on how long we have to wait, I doubt I'll be pg again by then.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Lil_Mrs_0702
Name:April,21
DH: Shannon,25
Married: July 02, 2005
M/C partial molar at 11 weeks had D&C
I think I'm pregnant!! 5 1/2 weeks!!!!

So I definitely know that we are fertile. We have become pg on our first try twice now.

I am going through so many emotions right now. I am so excited but so scared at the same time. I'm scared to take the test bc if I lose it, I don't want that positive sign on the stick to be haunting me again. I know either way I am pg, but I am scared to make it too real.

I haven't told anyone yet except DH, and this is my first post telling the world that I think I may be pg. I think I will wait until 8-9 weeks to tell family and then my 2nd trimester to tell coworkers. Everyone knew last time and it was so hard being asked how the baby is and having to tell them all over again that I lost it.

Please help me pray for the best!!

[shouldaeloped]

congratulations lil mrs. . . it's a good feeling to know that you can conceive quickly! I am 5 1/2 weeks too and every single day is scary and unnerving. I am a little resentful of that feeling as I think pregnancy should just be enjoyed, a celebration. but I guess we all have to take life's blows as they are handed out. . and take them one day at a time.

sending some sticky dust your way and keeping you in my thoughts.

sabriel- I would burst into tears at the most random places for quite a while. I had to separate myself from my friends that were pg and was angry when I would see pg strangers. I'm sorry you are in this place right now and hope it gets a little easier with time.

aj- glad the bleeding stopped!

as for me. . just hanging in there day by day. first doc appointment tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed for me. I'll take any spare sticky dust out there!!!

[papergirl]

Question: Does anyone else have this overly obnoxious fear of jinxing themselves?

In general I am not a superstitious person. I step on cracks, I split polls, I could care less about breaking a mirror and black cats are adorable in my book. But right now I feel really good about this cycle and I feel like if I say that then it’s jinxed to be a bad outcome. I feel like if I express to others my excitement about anything TTC and pregnancy related then it’s dooming me for failure. I know that’s not true but I can’t help but feel like it is. I hate always thinking that feeling good and positive about things will mean something bad is inevitable.

As for where I am, this is 5DPO. I usually get AF on 11DPO so I have 6 days till I can test. If we get a BFP I have this fear of posting it (going back to what I mentioned above).

Friday my mom asked me if I wanted to book a cruise with them for next August. I am really close to my mother, we honestly are best friends, but I have not told her we are TTC. As much as I adore her she is nosy and likes to ask a gazillion questions and for that reason I have held off on telling her. I never even mentioned to her we had a m/c (it was just too hard to say it). Well… Friday I finally blurted out that we were trying and therefore I can’t book a trip 10 months away. I’m sure she was happy to finally have some indication about our TTC plans but of course I think I jinxed myself.

Lil Mrs: Congratulations! I hope this is *it* for you.

Sabriel: Hugs sweetie! The most random things would send me into tears. Still does. Just know it is normal and we are here for you. When I hear of close friends getting pregnant (it has happened twice now) who wasn’t “trying all that hard” it angers me. I never thought I would feel like that and became really upset the first time it happened. I’m learning this is just my way of dealing with the situation. The feelings do go away and I’m not angry at them or unhappy for them. It’s really about me and my disappointment for where I am.

Bumble: Being labeled as high risk isn't necessarily a bad thing if it gets you the treatment you deserve. Special treatment will hopefully result in a health baby in the near future.

Erinn: you are SO right. thanks for being my voice of reason and making me see this situation in a new light.

Tara: yay!

Jenz: I’m a big Grey’s Anatomy fan.

[Jenzen01]

congrats, lil mrs! here's wishing that everything goes well ...

shouldaeloped - my fingers are crossed for you. :)

sabriel - hang in there ... i have lots and lots of little sad moments, but i know it's ok and natural. all in all, i feel pretty good about things. i don't know about you, but i heal by talking. i've talked to soooooooo many people at work who have gone through the same thing i did. it helped me put things in perspective and realize that i had a right to grieve and feel sad. i've been fortunate in the fact that i work with a lot of caring people. most people at work knew we were pregnant, and they were all saddened by our news. i've felt such support ...

and in other good news ... i can't remember if i posted this ... i bought a blue topaz ring after we found out about the baby, and i just got it back from the jeweler this weekend. it's gabe's birthstone, but i'll also think of our second pregnancy when i look at it. al and i had just looked at the ring on our anniversary ... the day i started spotting ... so after we found out the baby had passed, i asked if i could buy it. it's beautiful ... triangular stone with a couple of little diamonds in the white gold band.

hope you all are having a good day, and i hope something good comes your way today ... however small it might be.

ttfn,
jen

[jay&erinn]

Question: I have an appt tomorrow. Anything in particular I should ask? I'm going to ask about more blood work and an ultrasound. I'm also going to question progesterone. I feel like they should be a little more proactive since I've lost 2 in less than a year. I hate the just sit and wait approach- it really frustrates me. Anything else?

jen: Your ring sounds beautiful! I've been looking for something to commemorate my angel babies and am having trouble finding something. I don't wear a lot of jewery, unless it means something to me. Your ring sounds like a nice idea.

Question: Does anyone else have this overly obnoxious fear of jinxing themselves?
All the time. I wish I could tell people I'm pregnant AFTER the baby is born. It's like, if I acknowledge the pregnancy, it'll end. It's a horrible feeling.

shouldaeloped: Good luck tomorrow!!!! You can have as much sticky dust as I can spare:rolleyes:

Lil_Mrs_0702: Congratulations!!!! That's great that you're able to get pregnant so easily.

Sabriel: There are hard moments all the time. Everything seems to be dated by when the baby would have been due, and pregnant women and babies materialize out of nowhere after a m/c. It's been over three months since my last m/c, and sometimes I'm still so sad about it. One of the nicest things anyone ever said was that I'll never get over, just past it. It was good to hear in a time where it felt like no one understood how hard it was.

Jenzen01: I've never seen Grey's Anatomy. I'm lucky I can stay awake for the 6:00 news:rolleyes:

[shouldaeloped]

I feel like they should be a little more proactive since I've lost 2 in less than a year. I hate the just sit and wait approach- it really frustrates me. Anything else?

jay&erinn- my appointment is tomorrow too and I have lost 2 in less than a year as well. we should compare notes. my plan is to ask every question in the book. . I am going to bring her my charts to see if she sees anything off, I am going to double check my test results- thyroid, blood clotting, chromosomal. . . I want to hear all the results again, I am going to ask exactly how she is going to treat me differently this time, I want to know when my ultrasound is and how much more frequently I can have them, I want ALL the details and I don't care if she can't stand me when it's all said and done. I think my DH has a list too. I am not going to leave any stone unturned. I think she alotted 2 hours for my appointment and you can be sure I am going to take up every minute.

any other thoughts out there? I feel pretty educated but I know for sure that I don't know it all. . .

Thanks ladies!

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Quote:
Question: Does anyone else have this overly obnoxious fear of jinxing themselves?

All the time. I wish I could tell people I'm pregnant AFTER the baby is born. It's like, if I acknowledge the pregnancy, it'll end. It's a horrible feeling.

I think that is what I am going through. I just want to skip the scary 1st trimester and go straight to my bump! I am so scared to be too positive about things b/c I don't want to get ripped out of cloud 9. Yet, I feel guilty for not being 100% confident.

Thank you everyone for all the support so far! I hope that sticky dust works!

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here!

So I am thinking about including a roster of those who are successfully pg and those that have gone on to have their babies. I thought it would be a good reward for those pg and good inspiration for those of us who are anxiously awaiting. Please let me know what you think?

[pacificbliss]

Hi girls,

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. It looks like many of you are pg...sending lots of sticky vibes your way.

I am feeling kind of low today. My D & C was the 8th so I am waiting for things to stabilize. Some days I wake up and things are just bad. This morning when I woke up the fact that I am not pregnant was the first thing I noticed. Followed by: I won't be pg at Halloween, I won't be pg at Thanksgiving, and we will not be buying gifts for the baby or decorating the nursery at Christmas. I hope I am not dragging anyone down here but I need a good cry and an outlet for it. I work from home far from my office. My boss is actually kind of a friend of mine and I finally told him today. I don't think the cold, grey weather is helping much either.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

pacificbliss- I am so sorry. There are a lot of rough days for all of us. You are not dragging anyone down at all. We have all had these feelings and can relate.
((HUGS))

[RileyMom]

Pacificbliss Don't feel bad about feeling bad. I am having one of those days myself today. I have been doing so well at being hopeful and strong, but today is just not one of those days. I am feeling like crap, and I am not even going to try to hide it. I think all we can do is allow ourselves to feel whatever emotion we are feeling. We are entitled.

I've been following along, but not posting much. I received some pretty harsh news on Friday. Without boring you all with the details, I had an MRI a couple of weeks ago (October 10th) because before I was pregnant with DD I was "diagnosed" as having a bicornuate uterus. To make a veeerrrrry long story short, a BU is basically shaped like a heart with a dip going down the middle that separates the uterus into two "horns." Turns out, after doing some research online after this last m/c, BU cannot be diagnosed through u/s alone. Definitive tests include MRI among other techniques.

Doctor called me on Friday to tell me that instead of a BU, I have a Septate uterus, which means that I have a full septum going down the middle of my uterus. It is very likely that this last pregnancy loss was not chromosomal, but due to implantation issues. I will need surgery to have it removed. The worst part? My OB is away on vaction until December. The earliest I can get in for a pre-op is December 6, and the surgery scheduled a week or two after that probably. Then, we will probably have to wait a cycle or two following the surgery to TTC, so we could be looking at Februray before ttc. Considering I just celebrated my 39th birthday last month, I am very depressed about this setback.

I am currently waiting for a call back from an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to see if they can get me in for the surgery any sooner.

I just want to cry right now. I'm sorry to be such a downer, but this really sucks. I'm not sure if I will be as active in this thread anymore, because I kind of feel like an anomoly that really doesn't fit in. I'll be lurking along though, and rooting for all of you.

[papergirl]

won't be pg at Halloween, I won't be pg at Thanksgiving, and we will not be buying gifts for the baby or decorating the nursery at Christmas. I hope I am not dragging anyone down here but I need a good cry and an outlet for it.

We can all relate. I am not pregnant yet and this is our 5th cycle after the m/c. I got pregnant on our first cycle trying and assumed I was fertile mertyle. I guess I was wrong because month after month it still has not happened. I am reaching that point where December seems like dooms day. My birthday is on the 19th and I would have been 8 months pregnant. I get so upset thinking my birthday will be here and I won't be with child. I am turning 30 and my mother and friend want to visit... honestly I wan't nothing to do with it. I just want a big cake to eat *alone* and cry. That is honestly what I want to do for my birthday but I know I can't. Added to the frustration is turning 30 childless. By no means is 30 old but I just always thought I would be done by now.

Vent away, it's what we are here for.

[papergirl]

rileymom: I can’t imagine the disappointment and frustration you are feeling but I do want to offer my deepest sympathy. As someone previously wrote, we each take a different path on our journeys TTC. Some of our paths are longer and bumpier but I hope in the end you are rewarded with everything you want. Please be sure to take time away from everything just of you. The holidays always pass quickly so I hope February is here sooner then imaginable.

Rebecca

[RileyMom]

Thank you Rebecca. I know I will get through this, but right now this just feels like one big rollercoaster ride that I just want to jump off from. Just as I was starting to feel excited about ttc again after my d&c(which was only a few weeks away) we get hit with this. It just feels like a mack truck right now.

I know this is my journey and I'm trying hard to keep that perspective. Right now I just feel like I have so many things working against me at once and it just seems like a mountain in front of me right now. Thanks for listening. As I said, I'll probably be lurking, but given the fact that I have all this to deal with, I think I'd be better off staying away for a while.

Sheryl

[excitedbride]

Rileysmom I am so sorry to hear your news. Please don't think you don't belong in this thread. We will be here for you.
~~~~~~~~~

I heard back from my Dr. today, my progesterone level is staying steady! So that is great news! I have my u/s this Thursday and she wants me to get my blood drawn again this week.

[ajlanden]

excitedbride-Horray for you! Those sups HAVE to be doing their job!!! That is such great news!

Sheryl-I am so sorry. The news is NOT happy, I was an idiot in your LJ. Anything that involves sugery and postpones TTC even further is not good. I will be thinking about you a lot! Please keep me posted on your surgery and stuff. You have helped me out so much, so all I can do is send you postive thoughts and prayers. I hope you can get in for surgery sooner than you think!

pacificbliss-Boy, you are venting in the right place...I think we all understand. Don't worry about be a downer, that is what this thread is here for!

Lil_Mrs_0702-I am so glad to have another pg member!!! We are pulling for you!!!!!!!! ~sticky, sticky, sticky vibes~

[jay&erinn]

Well, I've had a pretty rough day. I currently have a migraine. Unfortunately I only get those during AF and with each m/c. That was always the plus of getting pregnant- no headaches for awhile. With my DD, I never even had a slight headache- and they didn't return until she was 6 months old. The first m/c they came after I started spotting and lasted for 10 days. The second m/c they started a week before I started spotting. Now I have one again. I can only assume it means the worst for this pregnancy. I have a doc appt tomorrow at 3:00. If I haven't started spotting, I'm sure they'll blow it off and tell me the every pregnancy can be different bull sh!t. My guess is one of two things will happen- I'll either sit there and cry through the whole appt or get angry and start yelling for someone to listen to me for a change. I've said from the beginning that something's not right, but they just blow it off. It's even worse that my first m/c was almost one year ago now and I still don't seem able to carry a pregnancy to term.

excitedbride: Congrats on you progesterone. I'm glad you're getting some good news for a change.

RileyMom: I'm sorry for your bad news. Remember we're all here to help each other. When you're ready, come back for that support before, during and after surgery. Good luck.

[excitedbride]

Jay&erinn I am thinking good thoughts for you. I hope that this headache isn't a sign of bad things to come. ((((HUGS)))))

[gator97]

jay&erin- ((((hugs))))) I'm sending positive, sticky vibes your way. You know your body better than any doctor. Be very firm in your concerns and hopefully they'll take it more seriously, spotting or not. . .even if it's just to get you to calm down. I'm hoping that they take your concerns seriously. Best of luck and please keep us posted.

Rileymom- I am so sorry to hear about your news. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. Hopefully your RE can get you in sooner b/c that must feel like an eternity away. I know there are other women on this board with the septate uterus. You might be able to do a search for some more information.

pacificbliss-- I am so sorry that you are having a tough time. We are all here for you and each have our own days that are worse than others.

ETA--- Yeah excitedbride for such great numbers! Can't wait to hear about your u/s on Thursday!

[Smillow]

I miscarried in March '04 and have not become pregnant again. Today was the first anniversary of my due date & I have been miserable most of the month, thinking that I "should" be planning my child's first birthday party. Today we planted 2 flowering cherry trees as they will bloom in late March (one weeping cherry for the past & a Yoshino cherry to look forward). We also planted a beautyberry that is covered with the most beautiful purple berries. I wish each of you peace - this is a tough row to hoe - so terribly personal but always right at the surface.

[jay&erinn]

Thanks for your support. There was just light brown spotting when I went to the bathroom. I want to call the doc's office to see if I can get blood work drawn this morning so I could have the results by this afternoon, but I don't think I could talk through the conversation. I'm sitting here crying now, just typing. However, I don't want to go this afternoon, get a script for blood work and then find out the results tomorrow at work. Maybe I can get it together and call in an hour or so.

[ajlanden]

Erinn-D@mmitt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stand this for you!!! It is just not fair!!! No matter what the results are, it just isn't fair that you have to go through this. My heart is breaking for you. I am sure you just want to run away and not face any of this. I am praying hard that it all works out for you...you are in my thoughts to day. Can you go home? Getting a call at work is not the greatest thing in the world, I know.

Smillow-~hugs~ to you. I am so sorry. You have come to the right place to share your feelings. We all sympathize.

[shouldaeloped]

erinn. . I am so sorry. . I know that it's not over until you know for sure but I also know that what you are going through is very scary. maybe your DH can call the doctor for you? you are definitely in my thoughts and my prayers today. . please keep us posted on how you are.

[RileyMom]

Erinn I know this sounds stupid, because I don't "know" you, but I am sitting here with tears in my eyes for you and a huge lump in my throat. My heart is truly aching. This SUCKS!! I hope that you can summon some strength to call the doctor, so you can get some results today. Please keep us updated and know that we are thinking of you. :( {{{HUGS}}}

ExcitedBride, Ashley, gator97, and Erinn Thank you for your kind words of support. I am not going away totally, just proably not as active. But as you can see, I can't stop keeping tabs on all of you. We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.

ETA: Ashley Don't worry about anything you said in my LJ, you were fine! You were right, it is good that it is something that can be fixed and move on. It sucks that I have to deal with it, but knowledge is power. So don't worry about that. :)

[ajlanden]

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.

Great point!

Weird...I am so thankful to have this "sisterhood" but at the same time wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[shouldaeloped]

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.

I can tell you all with certainty that I wouldn't be where I am today without this group of ladies. so THANK YOU to everyone for your kind words and neverending support. this is truly a great group of ladies.

[excitedbride]

Jay&erinn Still thinking about you. ((((HUGS)))))

[pacificbliss]

Thank you. You are all very kind. Yesterday I went to the gym and ran. I never run. I am not built for running. Today I am very sore but it kind of feels good. I could not run if I was pg...might as well focus on the things I can do instead of those I can't.

RileyMomI am so sorry to hear you need surgery. I hope they can get you in sooner so that you can start healing. I'll be thinking about you.

Erinn I know how you feel. Maybe DH can call. I don't know what your Dr. situation is but since it's a blood draw can you just go down there? Seems like they would move quickly for a woman so upset. Wishing you the best...

smillow so sorry. The trees sound nice. I hope the weeping cherry will always be in the shadow of a big, strong Yoshino cherry.

Congrats on the numbers excited bride

I hope I did not miss anyone.

[ajlanden]

This might be a weird question, but did anyone have a problem with the emotions of...ummmmm....DTD after your m/c. For some reason it is just sad to me. I actually cried the first time and freaked DH out. I just couldn't help it. I have gotten a lot better, but there still is a little saddness when I think about it. Why?

[Jenzen01]

ajlanden - I wasn't going to post this, but I cried, too. It caught me by surprise.

[pacificbliss]

I cried. Then the other day I actually wanted to DTD and I felt so guilty I cried. DH recently told me that since I m/c he has not had as much desire to DTD and that made me cry. I knew exactly what he meant but it made me cry anyway.

I will not speak for you but for me, I did not exactly wait until I was married and wanted kids to have sex ;) For many years sex was just sex, now it's tied up in ttc and the emotions of ttc are really painful for us right now. That's all I could come up with.

DH understood that, like I understood that the fact he doesn't want to much right now does not mean his feelings for me have changed.

[ajlanden]

Weird...I am glad I ended up posting that. I am happy I am not the only one. It is just so emotional for me.

I guess for me, I thought about how the last time we did it (or one of the last times), we created a baby that was now gone. Like pacificbliss, I am sure it has to do with the biological reasons for DTD, rather than for pleasure.

pacificbliss-I too have been working out like a mad woman. It is like I need to take extra pleasure in the things that I could not do if I was pg. It is like looking on the bright side if things, I guess. Here are some others I have been enjoying: have a glass of wine with dinner, taking a hot bath, sleeping on my belly and my back--I don't know if it makes me feel better, but it can't hurt. (Oh and I also having been going tanning before my vacation!)

Thinking of you, Erinn!!

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I had a ton of disfuntion when it came to DTD for the nest few months. I was not allowed to conceive for 6 months and so even though I was TTA and he never pressured me, I would cry and we would have to stop.

In my mind sex-pregnancy-mc and I didn't want to do that again for a while. I couldn't stop the association until I went on birth control for a couple months. (More to get over the fear of sex in my case). We are a lot better now.

I couldn't drink alcohol for a month b/c I would feel guilty like I was celebrating my loss. Weird huh? I just dove head in to my wedding planning and concentrated on that and getting a promotion. The loss did give me a lot of driveto do something w/ my life. Like I had to prove myself before I could become a mom.

I think the hardest part of the mc is that I didn't realise how much I wanted a child until I was pg. Then once I lost it I wanted one more than ever.

[Sabriel]

I also get sad about having sex. I agree with pacificbliss. Sex was sex until we were TTC. But, now it is just one more reminder that I am not pregnant anymore.

I have been "rebelling" since my m/c, like having a coke whenever I feel like it, eating more fast food than I should, not drinking my water, etc. I know that it's not really bad in the grand scheme of things, but it makes me feel like I am being bad. :rolleyes: I told myself that I could do it for a little bit, but I am now going to focus on losing weight and getting healthier for when we can TTC again. I think it will be good to have something to focus on. Like Lil_Mrs_0702 said, I definitely feel like I have more drive now.

I am also thankful for our sisterhood. I do not have anyone IRL that has recently gone through what we are, and I think I would be so lost without you girls.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies, I'm still here. I never called the doctor's office yesturday- I think I just wanted to forget about everything for a little while longer. I took DD to a friend's house and let the kids play together while we talked (I haven't told her anything yet). I went to my doctor's appt. The doc was much better than she's been in the past. She did see a little blood when she did the culture, and my uterus doesn't feel very enlarged but she said it could still be too early. She ordered another beta with all the other prenatal blood work and put me on progesterone. I have to call today for my beta results. I'm really dreading that phone call. I'm at work today, and it's really difficult for me to leave. I also coach volleyball and my girls have a really important game tonight (determines if they make playoffs or not). It's not a day that I can just become a vegetable and feel sorry for myself if things don't go well. It really sucks to see viability written on scripts as a reason for testing. If all still looks good today and through the weekend, I'll have an ultrasound sometimes next week, and follow up with the office again the week of Thanksgiving.
I'm still pretty scared. I'm still living on Tylanol to keep the headaches from turing into migraines, and there was spotting again this morning. Guess I just have to hang in there a little longer.
For those of you on Progesterone- do you have any side effects. I've been really nauseaus this morning and don't know if it's the progesterone or nerves. Just curious.

I have been "rebelling" since my m/c, like having a coke whenever I feel like it, eating more fast food than I should, not drinking my water, etc.
I've done this after each m/c. I'm not sure what the reason is behind it for me. It's almost like everything I did, didn't work anyway, so why not enjoy those things. It usually takes me a good month to get myself back under control, and then I seem to go the other way- thinking, if I can't be pregnant, I might as well be skinny. Odd philosophy, I know.

I am not built for running.
I hear you there. My short legs don't like to run.

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless. God Bless.
This is so true. People that have never been through it don't realize that there are still hard days after the first week or two. They also look at you weird when you want to talk about it 2 months after it happened- almost asking why there's still focus on something they barely remember happened to you. It's nice to come somewhere, where it's still OK to cry 6 months after it happened, and have others cry with you. And where it's OK to cheer when you get pregnant and know others are cheering for you. I'm so thankful for all of you. We haven't told anyone about this pregnancy (except for my boss, just in case), and the past week has been so hard. We just bought a new bed and my FIL commented that we can get to work on some more grandchildren (this was Saturday). I so wanted to blurt out that I was pregnant and that it most likely was going to end in m/c too, just to shut him up (and yes, he knows about the past 2 losses). You never find that insensitivity in this thread.

[LDS Angel 19]

just poking my head in- I'm really glad you ladies got this thread going. ((((HUGS))) to everyone.

[RileyMom]

Hi Ladies -- this is just a fly-by because I am doing a training in ummm...2 minutes. But I just wanted to let Erinn know that I have been thinking about you last night and this morning. I am going to say a silent prayer that everything will be okay with your baby. Think good thoughts, hon. :)

[Mrs-Mac]

Hi,
After weeks of lurking on here, I finally decided to join this "no-body-wants-to-or-desrves-to-be-a-part-of-sisterhood".

I had a dc almost four weeks ago after and ultrasound showed there was only an empty sac. I was almost 8 weeks pregnant at the time. It was my first pregancy. I wasn't sure if I should join this group because I'm not sure when we will ttc again. Although I'm starting to feel differently now, so I'm guessing what to wait awhile was a way I dealt with everything (at first I thought we would wait awhile).

I go to the doctor today for my first check-up since the procedure. I have been so happy with the doctors so far. It was a brand new office and a doctor I had never met had to tell me the bad news about the ultrasound and the outcome. He was the same doctor who performed the procedure the following day. We meet with him today. He was incredibly nice and really took time with us to explain everything, our options, etc, even when he had all his other patients. He even suggested chromosomal testing, which I've learned is quite surprising considereing this was my first m/c. So we find everything out today. I'm would really like to make the most of this appt, but I'm not really sure what I should be asking. Any suggestions?


Erin, I am hoping for the best for you.
Rileymom, I'm sorry to hear about your surgery. I hope it can be scheduled sooner than later.
For everyone else, I wanted to also let everyone know I am sending positive thoughts your way also.

[ajlanden]

Erinn-I know how hard waiting for that call is...epecially at work...I hope you get some answers very very soon!!! Good luck at your game tonight too. Throughout my ordeal, being busy actually helped. At least it will keep your mind occupied.

LDS Angel 19-Thanks!!!! We appreciate you!

Mrs-Mac-I am glad you decided to post. It has been a great help to me. I don't know about what you should ask your doc...definately when it is okay to TTC again, when you are ready. Just make sure you don't hold anything back, ask it all!!!!

Hope everyone is having a great day!!!

[shouldaeloped]

erinn- you are being very brave and I am very impressed. acting like there is nothing going on is so hard to do when I am sure it's at the forefront of your mind. please know that all of us here are thinking about you.

For those of you on Progesterone- do you have any side effects. I've been really nauseaus this morning and don't know if it's the progesterone or nerves. Just curious

I have been on progesterone for just over a week now and am definitely have quite a bit of nausea. not sure if it's related to the meds or because I am quickly approching 6 weeks. the bottle only mentions dizziness though. I hope you feel better!

I had my first appointment yesterday. not much different from other appointments. she is treating me with kid gloves which I appreciate. for example, she did a pap and there was a little blood on the end of the q-tip. DH saw it first and I could tell by the look on his face he was concerned. my OB must have seen that too and she stopped, showed it to us and explained what that was from, how long I might spot, when to be concerned. . all the stuff I was wondering. she did say she will do more frequent ultrasounds for us but other than that. . bloodwork, paperwork, pee in a cup, blood pressure. just normal. I think I was expecting a miracle pill of some kind of guarantee this was going to stick. I guess Doctors can only do so much.

I'm would really like to make the most of this appt, but I'm not really sure what I should be asking. Any suggestions?

Mrs-Mac after my d&c I did quite a bit of research. it was my second so I'm not sure how much of this would be offered after your first but it can't hurt to ask:

I wanted to know why I lost this pregnancy. I wanted testing for the following things: thyroid, lupus, blood clottting disorder, chromosomes for the fetus, myself and DH, I had a sonohysterogram to make sure my uterus was "normal," I wanted to know when I could TTC again and how I would be treated differently next time, I wanted to know when I could come back to her if it took me a while to conceive again. . .

that's all I can think of right now. good luck with your appointment today and please let us know how it goes.

[jay&erinn]

Just a quick update (I'm at work)

Betas 12,802. I have an ultrasound next Friday (seems like forever from now). They're sending me for a Rhogam shot to be on the safe side.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers- they seem to be working:D

[shouldaeloped]

erinn. . that is great news! congratulations. more thoughts and prayers coming your way!

[Jenzen01]

erin - great news! i've been thinking of you.

mrs-mac - i'm glad you stopped over. i was on the may moms thread with you for a while. i miscarried at 8 weeks, too. i'm still spotting brown ... sometimes a little red. do you think that's OK? are you done bleeding?

as for me, i had a sort of tough night last night. i took gabe to a costume party at the library, where i ran into a bunch of moms from my new moms group. they all knew i was pregnant, and two of them are due the same time i was. so, immediately, i was asked how i was feeling, and i had to tell them all that i lost the baby. i just didn't feel like revisiting this last night. i wanted to focus on gabe and having fun with him.

not to mention that i got some unsympathetic reactions. however, i really don't blame anyone for saying inappropriate things because until now, i probably would have said the same stuff. you just don't really get it unless it's happened to you.

and, i just wanted to post a pic of my little man. he's what keeps us going and brings us joy. i know many of you are still trying to have your first baby, so i don't want to make you sad, but he's my life and i wanted to share him with you.

with that said, and i hope i didn't offend anyone, here's gabe's 10-month picture.

http://images.snapfish.com/345357%3B923232%7Ffp63%3Dot%3E2328%3D%3B%3B5%3D3%3 A%3A%3D4976%3B9b28334423%3D3232%3C74%3A%3C%3A458nu 0mrj

[ajlanden]

Erinn-Great news, right? I need to go see what your numbers were before.. I am sure this doesn't make you feel 100% better, but the u/s should tell you a lot! So happy!

Jen-He is a doll! He looks so much older than DD! Is he walking?

[excitedbride]

Jay&Erinna Great news! I am still thinking positive thoughts for you! I am on progesterone supps, I don't know if I have any side effects. I don't feel anything other then nausea and tiredness, which I just assume are symtoms of pg!:D

[purplesunshine7]

hi ladies,
Well it looks like my feelings were right:( Af surprised me on monday 4 days early. I hate it when she comes I get so depressed. I have been seeing a therapist for managing stress and She wants dh to come with me tommorrow. he said he would go but I know he doesn't want to. I am so afraid that tomorrow may destroy the rest of our marriage. We are already distant from each other or at least it seems that way to me. We should be celebrating he just got a promotion and a big raise at work. but the only thing I can think of is that now he will be working longer nights, just what we need more time away from each other. I am afraid my marriage is falling apart amd that I am just holding on to hope. Dh husband thinks everthing is just fine between us.I don't mean to bring this all to you guys sorry I am just so tiered of trying to be optimistic when everything is falling apart. Well if you beared with me this long thank you I just needed to vent.

[RileyMom]

Erinn That is good news! Keeping you in my thoughts. :)

Purplesunshine Losing a baby can put stress on a marriage. I am glad you are seeking counseling, that is a good step. It can be helpful to talk about your feelings "out loud" (and of course, with us.) I think it will also be good for you to talk about your feelings with DH there in front of the therapist. While I think m/c affects husbands deeply too, it is different for us. I can't explain why, but it is. It can be hard for husbands to understand what we are going through. Take good care of yourself.

[jay&erinn]

purplesunshine7: I hope the counselor helps. I know quite a few couples that have gone, and it seems to really help a lot of marriages. I considered seeing one after my 2nd m/c, but wasn't sure how I'd feel about discussing all my feelings with a stranger. I hope the session goes well.

Jenzen: I'm sorry your fun time had to be rained on. It's hard not to focus on a m/c- it seems like there are always reminders everywhere you look. I don't think the jealousy of seeing new babies and pregnant women goes away, but it does get better with time. I also found that people are clueless about what to say about a m/c. My SIL didn't call or send a card either time. I think not acknowledging it at all has always been worse for me than someone just saying they're sorry for what happened.
Your DS is gorgeous!


My betas jumped considerable from last week. They were somewhere over 2000 on Thursday and over 12000 today. I'm still really worried. I just don't understand why I don't feel pregnant. I'm also still spotting. I think what frustrates me is my betas were fine with the first m/c- I even saw the heartbeating on ultrasound at 6 weeks, and then m/c'd at 6w 6d. I guess time will tell. I have more than a week to wait before I get my ultrasound, and then another 2.5 weeks before the next OB appt. I don't think I'll relax until at least 15 weeks (sooner if I'd start to feel pregnant), maybe not until a baby is in my arms.

[shouldaeloped]

erinn- did you go through any testing when you miscarried? just curious. you and I could seriously be twins. I have seen the heartbeat for both of my pregnancies and miscarried shortly thereafter. so even though my doc says things look good, and even though my ultrasound is 11/9, I won't be calm until Jan 1. that's 13+ weeks. sticky dust to you and me and anyone else who has gone through this.

jenzen- your DS is beautiful. and please don't worry about posting here. it feels good to see ladies in this thread with beautiful babies.

purpleshine- I went to counseling after my second m/c. didn't want to go and resisted it hard. turned out to be the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am going to start back up again as soon as my counselor returns from vacation. hoping she can help me feel sane and positive.

rileymom- been thinking about you lately. so sorry you are having to go through this.

sorry my posts have been so long lately. . feeling very chatty I guess!

[excitedbride]

Jay&Erinn and Shouldaeloped I too saw my baby's h/b my last pg. I was around 6weeks. I don't think I will be calm until the first trimester is over.

[Sabriel]

jay&erinn Yay for good numbers! I kept thinking about you yesterday.

purplesunshine7 I am so sorry about AF and even more about how you are feeling. I really hope that going to the councelor with your DH helps. (((hugs)))

Jenzen01 I'm always surprised how insensitive people can be. I'm glad that you have your little man to keep you happy. He is such a cutie!

A guy I work with was gone and just found out yesterday that we lost our baby. He just looked at me and said "Sh!t. I'm sorry that really sucks." I can't believe it, but I think that is the best thing anyone has said to me yet. Much better than tip-toeing around me and ignoring the situation like most people are doing.

I have been taking care of a little kitten that a client found out in the road by her house. He was only 3 weeks old when I got him. I bottle fed him and everything. All along we had an understanding that we would find a good home for him when he was old enough, because we already have 4 cats. :rolleyes: A few days after I got the kitten, I found out I was pg and the kitten was exactly as old as I was pg! I thought that was so cute until we lost our baby. I just started crying yesterday when we were talking about it. I can't stand to give him up now. He has kept me laughing during this last horrible 2 weeks. He follows me all around the house. I'm his mommy! DH was so sweet and said that I did not need to rationalize anything to him. He said he knows that I would not ask to keep him if it didn't mean a lot to me. I have fostered anywhere from 4-16 kittens every year and have not kept one prior to this. I just feel like it was meant to be. He will carry a little piece of our baby with him for hopefully the next 20 years. :)

Sorry to ramble on. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

[excitedbride]

Sabriel I just wanted to cry reading your story. That is just so sweet, and I hope your kitten gives you much joy!:D

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

So, Shannon is acting kind of weird. He told me that he wanted us to take it easy and not tell anyone right away. I thought it was to prevent me from stressing myself out, but he's acting as if I'm not even pregnant! He tried to give me an Americano that has 4 shots of coffee in it and he's still smoking around me. He then thinks I am mad at him when I go inside to get away from the smoke.
I told him that I told my mom and he started giving me the 3rd degree as if I shouldn't tell my own mom! I have to tell someone b/c he is totally ignoring it! I don't know what to say to him. I understand that he wants to take precautions (not get too attached just in case) but why is he ignoring that I am pg when before it was the biggest thing in the world to him and he really wanted to start trying??
The other night in the car when he was drunk he started talking about his plan if we are not and a plan if we are pg. But he kept saying "If you're pregnant then you will have to do this and that ($$ wise)," as if it is my baby and not ours. I just don't get it!

How is your husband reacting as you TTC or are pg after a mc?

[excitedbride]

I am so sorry you husband is acting that way. Maybe as your pg progresses it will become more real to him. Perhaps he is just scared and doesn't know how to react.

My DH has been wonderful. He hasn't been acting at all like anything is different this time around. He knows I have lots of fears and doesn't make fun of me or give me a hard time. Sometime I laugh at how crazy I am and he does too, but it is all in fun. But all in all, nothing has changed.

[pacificbliss]

Did any of you do anything as a memorial after your m/c?
My friend sent me this article
http://www.farfilm.com/peggy/articles/mourningmymiscarriage.htm
I found it interesting.
I know some people buy a necklace or a charm...
I am trying to find something to do but have not found anything that feels right

[excitedbride]

Thank you for posting that article, it was very interesting.

I have thought about getting a bracelet like these on this website with my son's name, and having an angel charm put on it also.

http://www.beadtrends.com./motherbracelet.html

[Mrs-Mac]

My check-up yesterday went well. I had an internal exam, which I was not expected. I have started my period too, so that made me even more uncomfortable. But I was told the doc had to make sure physically everything is okay and healed. He suggested waiting one more cycle before we TTC again. Shouldaeloped I also asked several questions you mentioned. But like you said, since this was my first m/c there isn't too much that can be done or will be done next time at this point. My DH was impressed with all the good questions I had!!!

Jenzen01 How long has it been for you? After my d/c I bleed for about 1.5 week and then some brown spotting for a few more days. Then about a week later, I had more spotting (red). I just started what I think is my period on Sunday (which was only 24 days since the d/c). It doesn't seem like a normal period, so I'm not convinced it is. But it is a mix of red and brown (sorry if TMI), so it seems like my body is still clearing out stuff from weeks ago (which the doc said was normal). So, its been a strange month and it felt like I was bleeding or spotting most of the month. One last thing, your DS is too cute!!!

jay&erinn I hope you continue to recieve good news!!! Positive thoughts your way.

Sabriel I agree, that kitten is meant to be.

[RileyMom]

Sabriel That is probably one of the most touching stories I have ever read. :)

Jenzen I meant to comment earlier on your DS. He is beautiful.

My DH's family, to this day, has not acknowledged my m/c in any way, and I have to say it hurts a lot. I agree that it is far worse to ignore it, than not to say anything. My family has been wonderful, and the people I work with are just phenomenal - really and truly they were just so supportive. My DH's family is just odd. We called my MIL right after the m/c (2 days later), and she never told the rest of the family. And the kicker is, they all live right next door to each other. Three weeks later, I got a "congratulations" card in the mail from SIL (yeah, she had just found out out I was pg, b/c she wasn't there when we made the announcement, and no one had told her!!!!) and I had lost the baby a month earlier. Apparently my pregnancy *AND* m/c was not even a blip on the radar screen for them. They are an odd bunch. So a month after the m/c, we had to start making calls again, b/c MIL didn't do it.

I am still harboring ill feelings toward my IL's and I have to deal with them on Thanksgiving. Yuck.

[Jenzen01]

rileymom - that's terrible. i made a point of my telling my mil and my coworker to spread the word so that i didn't have to repeat the story a million times. thankfully, they did a good job. i'm sort of impressed at how quickly the news spread and how many people knew. sorry that you had to go through that.

mrs-mac - i miscarried naturally. i spotted for three days before the actual miscarriage, then bled for a week, then spotted brown for another week, and now i just have a little staining and some brown discharge. Enough already! I have no clue what my body is doing right now, and i'm really sick of this. It's been 19 days since I miscarried.

erin - yeah on the good numbers!

lil mrs - sorry your husband isn't being too thoughtful. have you taken a pg test yet? maybe he needs some evidence ...

oh, and thanks for the compliments on Gabe. he's already up and walking. i can't believe it. i've started weaning him ... my goal is to be done weaning so we can ttc.

[ajlanden]

Sheryl-Your ILs suck! I am sorry...

Jen-When is your goal to be done weaning?

Mrs-Mac-Internals while bleeding are the worst...it is the last thing you want done. I stopped bleeding and then bled for couple days about a week later. I thought was AF, but now I don't think it was. Who knows?

pacificbliss-I didn't do anything for a memorial. Somehow it is easier for me to try and NOT think about it. That probably isn't healthy, but that is how I feel right now.

Lil_Mrs_0702-You know, sometimes I think the m/c is REALLY hard on guys. I mean, we are expected to grieve and be sad, but they aren't really allowed to. Try to be patient with him and maybe talk to him about how it makes you feel. I'm sure it is just a defense mechanism so he doesn't get hurt again.

I had a bunch of EW CM the past few days. I was sure I would see a temp rise today, but no. Grrrrrr! I am so anxious to TTC, so I dying for AF to come.

[jay&erinn]

ajlanden: It's so hard to not know what's going on with your body- especially when you want to be pregnant. One of my biggest fears after each m/c was that my body wouldn't go back to normal- that I'd still be waiting 3 months down the road for AF. Luckily that didn't happen. Maybe that was AF, even though you didn't bleed for long. After my second m/c, I bled for almost 3 weeks. The AF that showed up 6 days later was pretty light. The month after is when she got her revenge:rolleyes:

Jenzen: Good luck weaning. It was easy for me, but I struggled with BFing the entire 9 months I did it. If it comes easy to you, I think it's a little tougher.

RileyMom: That's pathetic about your DH's family. My DH's is just the opposite- they were discussing that they thought I was pregnant before we told them. The first we acknowledged the pregnancy was after the m/c and MIL said, "I knew she was pregnant." Well, good for you. Did you know I was going to m/c too. Good thing we get to pick our friends, since we don't get to pick our families.

Mrs-Mac: I'm glad your appt went well, and you got answers to your questions. Thanks for the positive thoughts.

excitedbride: Those bracelets are beautiful. I'm thinking of ordering one. I've wanted a way to remember the angel babies, and haven't come up with a good way yet.

pacificbliss: That article was really interesting. It's amazing how different cultures feel about m/c. My DD's 2nd birthday was 2 months after my second m/c. My parents sent her flowers and in the center was a statue of a little girl angel, kneeling, looking at a butterfly. It's going to go into her big girl room when we get it done. It reminds me that we have 2 angel babies, that will hopefully watch over and protect DD.

Lil_Mrs_0702: I was thinking the same thing as excitedbride. Maybe he's just really scared and doesn't know how to act. DH has been good to me, but doesn't bring up the pregnancy much. I think he just doesn't want me to see how worried he is. Would sitting down and talking with him help? Or taking him to your next doctor's appt?

Sabriel: What a beautiful little kitten that must be. I don't think I could ever give something up that meant so much.

Well, I had my Rhogam shot this morning. I always forget how much they hurt until I have it again. I'm hoping that it helps. It's always been in the back of my mind that maybe my Rh- blood type is causing my problems. Who knows. If I make it to 12-14 weeks, I'll bring up whether or not I should keep getting them throughout the pregnancy as a precaution.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Thank you. I figure he is trying to not get too attached until we know that we are past 8-10 weeks, or he gets some sort of sign that we will not mc this time. He took the ours really hard as well. We would have nights where we would just lie there and cry together.
He is a wonderful man, but he has this attitude that we did everything right last time and lost it so maybe we shouldn't try so hard and leave it out of our hands. I know that one cup of coffee isn't going to cause me to mc, but I want to do everything I can to make sure that I have the best chances possible of having a healthy baby.

[purplesunshine7]

HI Ladies,
Well I am not sure how counseling went, at times I just wanted to get out of there. I guess I heard a few things I didn't like come out of dh mouth. but at least I got him to talk and I know how he feels. I really don't know if it helped us any but I don't think it hurt us.She said he could come back to a session with me at any time. he said the sesion helped him a little and he would go back if I wanted him to.the next one I am going by myself. if anything we had a good day afterwards the rest of the day.Can I ask you guys a question that I seem very puzzled about? DR. said we should find a compromise between having a baby and buying a house ,How can you compromise between both? yes we are saving money and ttc at the same time it just seems like he is more focused on the house and me on ttc any suggestions? Thank you ladies for all the kind words.For those of you thinking about going to a counslor I would recomend it. Even if dh dosen't go it will at least let you get your feeling out verbally. It has helped me alot with panic attacks as I haven't had any in a while. wellI hope everyone gets a pot of gold at the end of their rainbow and if you don't see the rainbow know that it is their and you will see it soon. take care of yourselves.

[papergirl]

Right now I am at 9DPO. I stopped charting once I O’d so I have no clue what my temps look like. I haven’t had any real pregnancy symptoms so I’m not sure if this is going to be our month. Thus far I seem to feel OK with getting a BFN. I don’t know if that will hold true if/when I get it. I just know I don’t feel nearly as emotional this cycle and I really hope to stay in this “place.”

Strong, happy and healthy baby vibes to anyone who might be testing soon!

Mrs – Mac: Welcome! Why does that always sounds like an odd thing to say. It’s like saying “welcome to the group you really didn’t want to join.” What I mean is that I’m sorry you are here but that I hope you find some good in this sisterhood.

Erinn: I am thrilled to read your betas are high. I’m wishing you the best with this pregnancy.

Jenzen: Gab is beautiful. And I agree, people say the wrong things when they hear you’ve had a m/c but I have no doubt that I was one of those people. I’m learning that so many topics are sensitive and the best you can often do is say you’re sorry and wish them the best. It’s all a learning process.

RileyMom: Do our husbands share a family? My husbands mother is nice but they are one odd bunch. We never were able to share the good news of my pregnancy with her since we really wanted to wait for the first trimester to be over. Once I m/c DH went ahead and told her. He said she seemed upset that she was never told I was pregnant and made a comment about why we kept it a secret. I just don’t get that and in the moment that really wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Luckily she lives far, far away. So I understand the oddness of some families. I have little faith that it ever gets better but it’s nice to hear your family is more sane. ;)

PurpleSunshine: I can’t explain what your counselor meant by her comments.. can you call and ask her? I will say that right now we are also saving for a place and ttc. I live in NY and things are so expensive here that it requires us to stash A LOT of money into our savings for a down payment. On top of that I want to leave my job and focus on my personal business that I started when I do have a baby. This means we are trying to save a lot more for a baby then if I had expected to come back to work. This was a bit of an issue in our house and what we did was for now (since I am not pregnant) was this… me and the husband jointly save for our someday house. Only I am saving for the baby and it comes out of my “extra” money. Once I do become pregnant then DH will also start to contribute to our baby fund but for now he doesn’t and this was does not feel like one is taking away from the other. Maybe something like this can work for you?

Another idea, can you make a plan to save X amount in X time. X being a number you both agree upon. Then any additional money saved can go towards a baby fund? This way if X is being met and it was a number DH committed to then maybe he’ll be OK with any surplus going towards a baby fund. Good luck with coming to a compromise.

[Jenzen01]

purplesunshine - Not sure what advice to give you except to say that both things you're trying to do are stressful, life-changing events. Perhaps the counselor thought it would be too much on your relationship right now? I can tell you what happened to us ... we were house hunting casually until we found out we were pregnant. Then, things kicked into high gear, and DH got really serious about finding a house. We were of the mindset that the perfect timing is never going to come, so we started TTC while still renting. It was a little tense for a while, and I had an emotional, stressed-out breakdown while we were moving, but it all worked out for good. Personally, I'm thankful we moved before the baby came because they're a lot harder to take care of when they're on the outside. :)

Had another cry-fest last night. My best friend called to say she's pregnant. I am so, so, so happy for her, and I screamed out of joy, but as soon as I got off the phone, I started crying. Just made me remember my loss. Plus, I would love to be pregnant with her at the same time. She's due in early July.

Plus, Gabe woke up at 1 crying. I am so sick of him not sleeping through the night. He's been on a bad stretch, and it's wearing on me.

Jen

[purplesunshine7]

Thaanks for advice, I am going to talk to dh and see what he thinks about him saving for house and me for baby.
jenzen I know you friends good news brought you a little down but somehow I believe our time will come soon enough. I know it sucks when you want something now and don't get it but try not to give up on faith Gabe will have a little sibling soon. until then spoil him rotten:) lol

[Jenzen01]

Hi ladies,

How is everyone this morning?

We had a pretty laid-back weekend. I went deer hunting on saturday with DH, and we left Gabe with my in-laws. It was relaxing, and nice to do something that I had done a lot pre-baby.

I think I'm ovulating ... lots of EWC. However, I still have a little blood mixed in with everything. I sure hope that's normal. My miscarriage was three weeks ago.

ajlanden - can't remember if I answered this, but I want to wean Gabe by the time he turns 1. I just started getting rid of one morning bottle. I plan to do most of the weaning next month, which will be his 12th month. I just started giving him some dairy ... yogurt and cheese ... and he's doing fine with that.

[RileyMom]

Had another cry-fest last night. My best friend called to say she's pregnant. I am so, so, so happy for her, and I screamed out of joy, but as soon as I got off the phone, I started crying. Just made me remember my loss. Plus, I would love to be pregnant with her at the same time. She's due in early July.

Oh, I so understand this. ;) My daughter's daycare had a little "halloween breakfast" this morning and there is a little girl there that my daughter has been really close to since day one. I'll call her A. We have gone on play dates with A and her Mom, etc. and they have basically been attached at the hip. I saw the A's Mom this morning, and she is obviously pregnant. She looks around 16-20 weeks if I had to guess, and that is about how far along I should be. It felt just like a hot knife in my stomach. A is going to be a big sister, and Riley isn't. I cried (huge sobbing, can't-catch-your-breath sort of cry) al the way into work. I had to go the ladies room to compose myself.

To top it off, when I get to work I get to see my co-worker who is now 14 weeks pregnant. Honestly, some days I just don't think I want to get out of bed. I think I am handling everything so well some days, and other days I fall apart.

purplesunshine How did your talk with DH go? I agree that there really is no "perfect time" to have a child. YOu will find a way, no matter when you have a baby, things just have a way of working themselves out. I hope that you are able help calm your DH' s fears about it. I think Husbands, by nature, feel the burden of responsibility on their shoulders when planning for a new baby. I went through something very similar with my husband when I found out I was pg with DD. It took him a long time before he was not completely petrified. Good luck.

[ajlanden]

rileymom-~hugs~ Sorry for your "experience" this morning! I know how tough it is. Why is that pg women are everywhere???

Jen-Good luck with the weaning!!! I hope it goes smoothly! I had tons (and tons) of EWCM this month too. I've heard your are more fertile after a m/c.

My weekend news...I O'd on Thursday! Yay! That means we are officially TTC#2 as soon as AF comes. It is also good news that I won't have AF while I am in Mexico.

Hope everyone is doing okay!!! Happy Halloween!!

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Well Shannon and I had a great talk. We both had a really great cry. He told me that losing the baby was the hardest thing he has ever gone through and he is scared to make things too real until he knows that we are passed the first trimester.
After we talked that night he asked me about what I thought about different baby names. He wasn't sure if I still wanted to use our original boys name b/c he and my mom were sure it was a boy and we refered to it as Baby Peanut X after I told them that it was a size of a peanut right before I lost it. I still love the name and I want to use it if we have a boy. He said that he would think more about the name Eva Eileen for a girl.

Jen and Rileymom- I can totally relate. After my mc I remeber seeing women that were due around the same time as me and feeling so jealous and sad thinking that should be my bump, and then guilty for not just being happy for them. Then I found out Britney Spears was pg and she had her baby the same week I was suppose to have mine! I was like WTF... why do those losers get to have a baby, they already have everything!

It does get easier but there are still plenty of hard days. I wish you the best.

[pacificbliss]

Hi ladies, welcome to Monday. Bleech!
At least it's Halloween so I can look forward to handing out candy tonight. I hope it doesn't make me cry.
I am so excited for all of you that are ttc now or soon. I am still exercising a lot. My midwife told me before ttc I should try and lose a few pounds...I didn't. Maybe I will be able to in the next couple of months.

purplesunshine-I have no idea what your therapist was saying...buy a condo and get a dog? :rolleyes: (I hope that comment doesn't upset you...I'm trying a little Monday morning humor)

I work from a home office and am across the country from my company. This week this is a very good thing. One of the women in my office is due in a few months and her office shower is this week. I would be happy for her except she likes to pretend this isn't a planned pregnancy and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. She's married, has a son and a Ph.D. in Biology. I refuse to believe she doesn't want this child. SHe said her son was an accident too. I don't think I could stand to listen to her whining.

A question for all of you. Next Monday is my first follow-up appt after the m/c. It will have been a little over 4 weeks since the D & C. What will/should they do at this appointment?

[papergirl]

Not a thing is going on in my world. I got AF yesterday so back to another month of TTC. Emotionally I seem to be taking it a lot better then last month, so that's good - right? I really hope next month is our month but heck, I was hoping every month for the last 5 months would be "ours."

[shouldaeloped]

A question for all of you. Next Monday is my first follow-up appt after the m/c. It will have been a little over 4 weeks since the D & C. What will/should they do at this appointment?

based on my experiences, she will do an internal exam to make sure everything looks fine and then do some bloodwork to make sure your betas have returned to normal. I had a million questions to ask that day too so that's what we spent most of our time doing. . . q&a.

hope you get all the answers you need.

bumble- I'm sorry about AF. here's to hoping next month is for you.

[ajlanden]

bumble~hugs~! I am sorry...it must be tough. I am glad you are feeling okay! I am hoping that this coming month is it for you!

pacificbliss-I am exercizing too!! Let's hope our health bodies will be able to get pg FAST!

Lil_Mrs_0702-I am glad you and DH had a talk. I've learned that communication was hard for DH after this whole thing, but it is so needed. I am still struggling with keeping the lines open.

So, I called a new doctor. After being jerked around by one doc at my family practice, I decided to call it quits. They are going to see me on Wed. I am glad, but I hope they don't tell me to wait another cycle. I am ready.

[jay&erinn]

pacificbliss: Internal exam and questions were about it for me. They only monitored my blood work with the first m/c. I think my numbers dropped so dramatically the second time around (from 12000 to 1000 in 2 days) that they figured it was complete and there was no reason to keep sending me. Good luck. I found that the appt was somewhat emotional, so you might want to write your questions down. It's hard to think when your not in the best frame of mind.

bumble: Sorry about AF. Keep up the positive attitude. It can't hurt.

ajlanden: YEA for your O. Only a short period of time before you can get to work.

Lil_Mrs_0702: I'm glad you and your DH got to talk. Sometimes it's just understanding where the other is coming from, and then the behavior becomes so clear. Hopefully things will continue to improve.

Jenzen01 and RileyMom: I think we can all relate to those moments. A good friend of mine warned me about them (which I think helped). She m/c'd about a year before me, and she's who I called for support- a lot. She said I would think I was fine, and then out of nowhere, I'd burst into tears. She was right. For me, it hasn't been friends or family. It's been getting onto an elevator and seeing some teen mom screaming at her 2 other kids who are dirty and being obviously pregnant with number 3. That's always set me off.

Well, I'm still hanging out here. I can't seem to bring myself to join the June mommies thread. I've joined and had to leave 2 others, and I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Maybe after my ultrasound on Friday. I'm praying they see a little heart beating away. I have a fear of having to take THAT phone call from the doctor. My first ultrasound with the first m/c, the tech showed me the heartbeat, etc. 6 days later when I had another, the tech immediately left the room, and when I came out from getting dressed they already had the doctor on the phone to tell me there was no longer a heart beat. At least I'm busy at work this week- hopefully it'll keep my mind occupied.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Jay&Erinn- I am also due in June-maybe very early July. You can pm and we can share until you are ready to go into the June mommies boards together. I also want to be sure before I start sharing w/ the other mommies. I felt like such a downer when I lost my baby.

[Sabriel]

jay&erinn I really hope everything is well with the ultrasound and you get to see that little heart beating away.

ajlanden I'm glad you found a new doctor. I hope everything goes well and you get the all clear to TTC! Yay for Oing!

bumble I said it in the charting thread, but I am SO sorry about AF. (((hugs)))

pacificbliss I hope your appointment goes well!

Lil_Mrs_0702 I am so glad that your guys talked. I'm so you feel so much better now!

I have my follow-up appointment with the MW tomorrow morning. I think I Oed on Saturday, but we slipped up and BDed that day. I don't know how long the MW wants us to wait to TTC. Oh well, whatever happens happens.

[purplesunshine7]

hi ladies, well the talk never really happened with dh, I brought the idea up that I would put my extra money in the baby fund and he could but his extra money into the house fund, and when we do get pg we could then divide our extra money into both funds. i might as well have been talking to the wall because he didn't respond to me at all. heck I might as well buy a condo and a dog and ditch dh( just a little humor).I guess he didn't feel like talking. my mom told me today that my cousin had her baby on the 29th, it is a boy. I don't know why she felt the need to tell me, like I really wanted to hear about it. Well I am happy for her she really wanted a baby, but don't we all.
I hope eveybody's doc appts go well. I just know some of us will have little turkeys in the oven soon. Good luck to all and know that I will pray for all of us.

[shouldaeloped]

anyone have any thoughts on disappearing symptoms? no sore BB's this morning, no nauseu, mild cramping, no spotting. I am trying hard not to panic and to tell myself this is normal but I am terrified. I don't feel like this is reason enough to call the doctor but I am definitely looking for additional thoughts out there. TIA

[jay&erinn]

shouldaeloped: When's your next doctor's appt and how far along are you now? I think I'd call and express your concern. With your history, they may feel it's necessary to run some bloodwork or get an ultrasound to double check on things. Until then, try and take it easy.

[shouldaeloped]

my next appointment is 11/9 and we will be doing an ultrasound then. I'm 6w4d. and I know you're right about calling the doctor. I just hate to be a high maintenance patient. I need to get rid of that fear. . thanks erinn.

[jay&erinn]

shouldaeloped: I have the same fear of being a high maintenance patient. I work in a doc's office and know what a pain some people can be. I just hope an OB's office is more understanding when women have had a rough time in the past. There are many patient's that are ligitament in calling many times to our office- others are just looking for attention. I think all of us can say we'd prefer to have no attention and a normal pregnancy, than all the attention in the world and problems. Just think how worth it it will be in the end to have made the phone call when you have a healthy baby. A year from now, they won't even remember your name, let alone how many times you've called the office. Make sure you remind me of this post when I'm having the same issues:rolleyes:

[shouldaeloped]

I did go ahead and call the doctor. had to leave a message but they are typically great about calling back. so now I am doing no work so my phone lines can be open. my boss would love that.

thank you for reassuring me about calling. you are right. . I know that it's better to call and feel a little silly than to have something go wrong. but I also know that if I am going to miscarry this early in the game, then there is really nothing they can do about it anyway. I guess I'd just rather know now than later. my DH thinks I'm crazy.

Make sure you remind me of this post when I'm having the same issues

I will remember this but hopefully you won't have any scares this time! I'm still holding out for third times a charm.

[ajlanden]

Good morning, ladies!

shouldaeloped-I am glad you ended up calling...it is the only thing that will ease your mind. I hope they call back SOON! FYI-I had disappearing symptoms all the time with DD. They would come and go. Of course it would freak me out, but I do think it is normal. And with my m/c my symptoms (mostly sore bbs) continued for nearly a week after.

Erinn-Still thinking about you! I think I know how you feel about joining the June thread. It broke my heart to leave and broke my heart to see my name under "Always in Our Hearts". I DON"T want to do that again.

purplesunshine-Sorry about your DH. I dont really know what to say other than to keep trying. I think it is worth it! ~hugs~

Sabriel-Oh well, whatever happens happens.
Exactly. From the stuff I read there is nothing wrong with TTC the cycle after M/C for most people. I hope you are having a good appointment!!! Please update when you get back!

That's it!! I am thinking and praying for you all!

[shouldaeloped]

FYI-I had disappearing symptoms all the time with DD. They would come and go. Of course it would freak me out, but I do think it is normal.

THANK YOU. that will give me some hope while waiting for the doctor to call back. I wish there was a stick to pee on that would tell you if everything was okay. . . .

[ajlanden]

I wish there was a stick to pee on that would tell you if everything was okay. . . .

If could invent that stick, you'd be a billionaire!

[Jenzen01]

shouldaeloped - let me second that opinion on disappearing symptoms. with ds, my sore bbs disappeared one day, and i had a crying fit in front of dh. everything was just fine. with my miscarriage, i thought everything was ok because i was feeling so sick at the time i started spotting.

[shouldaeloped]

thank you jenzen- these everything came out okay stories are worth so much right now. I just had a crying fit with my door closed and I don't even know anything is wrong yet. still waiting to hear from the doctor.

can I vent for a second? I hate this for all of us. I hate it that we have to be scared because we know what it's like for bad things to happen. I hate it that we can't just think positive through all of this and have everything to be okay. I hate it that there is no chance any of us can have a relaxing and stress free pregnancy again. I have two friends that are pg right now and have no clue that something might be wrong. they just take everything for what it is and never even think about possible signs of miscarrying. I hate it that even after I have my ultrasound next week, I'll still be terrified because I have seen the heartbeat before and that meant nothing. I hate it that all of my pregnancies are going to be like this and that all my friends can say is "you gotta think positive and keep trying." duh- if I weren't going to keep trying, I wouldn't be pg for the third time in 11 months! I just want to not worry. . . .

thanks for listening and for letting me get that off my chest. hopefully that helped to relieve a little stress. . .

[Sabriel]

shouldaeloped I am glad you called the dr. I hope they call you back soon!

purplesunshine7 I'm sorry that you didn't get to talk to your DH. I hope you are able to get things figured out soon.

I just got back from my MW appointment. It went really well, even though I cried the whole time I was there! Both MWs that were there came in to talk to me. They just restated pretty much everything I already knew. It wasn't my fault, this doesn't mean that I will m/c next time, etc. They also talked about how most people don't understand, because they have not gone through it. That they will always say the wrong things, or ignore it or even avoid me. They said that we should not actively TTC for at least a month, but it would be okay to not prevent and SWH. They also said that they firmly believe that your body won't let you get pregnant if it is not ready. They said that it is not uncommon to be unable to conceive for months after the m/c while your body is healing.

She didn't do an exam, since I stopped bleeding 2 weeks ago. It was mostly talking and emotional support. They are going to call me with information about a pregnancy loss support group. I'm not sure if we'll go, but it will be nice to have the option.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

[shouldaeloped]

so the doctor called back- she started off by reassuring me that it was okay to call and with my history, she doesn't blame me at all for calling today. the mild cramping I am having is normal, could still be implantation, could still be my uterus stretching, the disappearing symptoms could be a temporary thing, could be just that my body has gotten used to the hormones. either way, she said not to worry, everything looked good so far and to call back if the cramps got worse or i started spotting.

she was very nice and I am grateful for her calling back so fast. I just wish I could go to sleep until the second trimester.

thanks for all your encouraging words ladies. I definitely appreciate it.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I am so glad that you have an understanding dr. It does ease the process a lot to have someone you feel you can trust. Hopefully you keep coming with the good news.

Thank you to all of you who have mentioned symptoms coming and going. It comforts all of us. I know everytime I have a little gas or the slightest cramp I get scared.

Ooh! Thinking of good news.... I had my first dose of morning sickness! I know it sounds really silly but I never had it during my last pregnancy so I hope that it is a sign.

[ajlanden]

Lil_Mrs_0702-Yay for feeling pukey! I bet you'd never thought you'd be so happy to feel so sick! Keep on coming m/s!!!


shouldaeloped-I am glad you got a call back. I wish they could give you more answers. Trying to have patience is too hard. How are you feeling today?

Sabriel_ am glad you had a good appointment. I am hoping the best for you!

My appointment is in less than 2 hours. I am so scared. I am afraid they will find something wrong with me. I don't know why I am freaking out. I am sure everything will be fine.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Ashley- It is totally normal to be scared. I am sending some positive vibes your way! I hope that you get great news to share today!! You really deserve, Heck we all deserve it!

[craftgenius]

can I vent for a second? I hate this for all of us. I hate it that we have to be scared because we know what it's like for bad things to happen. I hate it that we can't just think positive through all of this and have everything to be okay. I hate it that there is no chance any of us can have a relaxing and stress free pregnancy again. I have two friends that are pg right now and have no clue that something might be wrong. they just take everything for what it is and never even think about possible signs of miscarrying. I hate it that even after I have my ultrasound next week, I'll still be terrified because I have seen the heartbeat before and that meant nothing. I hate it that all of my pregnancies are going to be like this and that all my friends can say is "you gotta think positive and keep trying." duh- if I weren't going to keep trying, I wouldn't be pg for the third time in 11 months! I just want to not worry. . . .


Shouldaeloped - I haven't had a miscarriage but I really feel what you are saying. I've been having some fertility problems and am hoping for the best, but from all of my reading and studying, I've begun to learn that there are SO MANY THINGS that can go wrong! And I wonder if when I finally do get pregnant, will I be able to relax and enjoy it! I doubt it, I'll probably be worried up until the moment the baby comes out of my womb!! People keep telling me to relax and "let it happen" but that is so hard to do!!

[pacificbliss]

ajlanden I hope things went well at your appointment.

I just read a good book about m/c. It's called, "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen. He is a science writer who does a good job explaining things. His wife had a child and then had 4 miscarriages before she was able to have another baby. When this happened he set out to learn all that he could about m/c and why it happens. He reads a lot of primary scientific literature, talks to doctors and scientists, and spends a lot of time with men and women who have been through it. It's geared toward men and women who have had multiple miscarriages but I found it very comforting and encouraging.

I am waiting and wondering when I will have my first period. I have my follow-up doctor appointment Monday morning.

I hope you're all doing well.

[purplesunshine7]

HI ladies,

well I have given up for now. I have spent so much time trying to get dh ttc that my energy is spent. It just makes me so mad that he said said he wanted ttc but his actions don't reflect it. He knows how I feel I wrote him a 2 pg letter last night, then he came home for a quick break today and said he was sorry and that he would be waiting for me when I got off work. I told him to forget, I was tiered of trying, I told him I give up. he said don't give up. With that said, he was asleep on the sofa when I got home, I told him to go to bed and with that he is now asleep in the bedroom. I think I may ask him to go to another counseling session with me, but I am afraid because after the first time he went things got better for about a day and now they are worst than before we went. I am at the end and have no hope. not only with ttc but with our marriage in general. hopefully we can talk tommorrow because I am off work. I'll let you know how it goes. thanks for being there for me ladies, you guys really mean alot to me because I really don't have any friends. I hope all goes well for all of you.

[Jenzen01]

(((((((((purplesunshine)))))))) - Please take some time for the two of you. I hope you have the chance to talk things through with all barriers down. I'll be thinking of you.

ajlanden - how did your appointment go?

As for me, I'm pretty sure I O'd this week. I decided to forget temping for the time being and just sit back and enjoy life. We're doing really well ... I still have those moments that spring up on me and set me crying, but overall, I think I'm healing. DH has been pretty understanding ... I wrote him a letter a while back and explained that I just need more hugs and kisses than usual right now. I might be an emotional mess at times, but I need him now more than ever.

So, that's it from here.

Jen

[ajlanden]

purplesunshine-I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. It is unfair. I do think it is a good idea to have him come to another counseling session. You need to make sure he can be there for you when you get pg and become a mommy. Babies make marriage so much more complicated. Good luck!! ~hugs~

Jen-I am glad you are feeling better. I am too. Those extra hugs and kisses don't hurt a bit! :D

pacificbliss-Sounds like a good book!

So I had my appointment with a new OB yesterday. Actually I saw a nurse practitioner. She was nice. She did an internal and a pap. Everything looked fine to her. YAY! She told me that the pap might come back abnormal, but that is somewhat "normal" after a m/c. secret: She did tell me that she thinks we should wait one more cycle before TTC. We are ignoring that. Everything I've read said you are no more likely to have m/c if you don't wait than you are if you do. I am ready. Our last doc said one and that is what we are sticking too. Another great thing about the new OB is that they allow you to pick your doctor. At all the other places here you get who is on call. I just don't like that. Now I have to do some research on which doc to pick!

[Sabriel]

Can anyone recommend a book on dealing with miscarriage? I am having a difficult time today. I think that it would be helpful if I could find a book to help me work through all of this.

I am really upset that people are acting like I was never pregnant. When I bring it up everyone seems to get really uncomfortable. It is hard to deal with on my own. DH is sweet, but I don't feel like he really understands?

[jay&erinn]

Sabriel: I also looked for a book, but never actually bought one. It's definately a tough time. Do you have any close friends or relatives that have been through a m/c? I have one good friend who lost a baby about a year before I did. I called and talked with her many times. It was nice to share our experiences and basically how much it sucked even months and months later. We live 4 hours apart and haven't seen each other in over a year. However, whenever I call to say I need to b!tch about something someone said (like the time a restaurant manager went on and on about how cute DD was and how we'll regret it if we don't have our children close together. He went on repeatedly for over 15 minutes.) she could completely relate. No one else really does seem to understand. I have 2 other close friends that are very sympathetic. Neither have ever been through it, but are good listeners and never make me uncomfortable for still having bad days. They're truely amazing friends. Other than those three people, most have acted the way you are encountering. It's very upsetting at times.

ajlanden: I'm glad you had a good appt and found an OB you like and trust. That can make a world of difference.

Jen: Sounds like you and your DH are heeling together. There's no better way:)

purplesunshine7: {{{HUGS}}} Maybe another counseling session would help. Guys seem to work through feeling so much differently than we do, that it's sometimes hard for us to understand. I asked DH if he was nervous about my ultrasound tomorrow. He commented that he really hadn't thought of it. I was a little offended at first since it's the only thing on my mind day in and day out. I think he's just trying to separate himself and not get to attached just in case. It's his way of dealing with it, but a way I never could and is sometimes hard for me to understand.

pacificbliss: Good luck monday at your appt. Thanks for the book recommendation. I thought about buying that book, but could never find it when I went to the book store. I never ended up ordering it online either. It received great reviews.

Lil_Mrs_0702: Congrats on the morning sickness:rolleyes: - only we could understand being so happy about feeling so miserable.

I just wish I could go to sleep until the second trimester.
How about until the baby gets here????

shouldaeloped: I'm glad your doc's office seems to be so supportive. When's your next appt?

[Sabriel]

pacificbliss I don't know how I missed your post about the book recommendation. I will have to check it out. Thanks.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I was so pissed at my friend yesterday. Here when I lost the 1st baby, I confided in her all the feelings and emotions that I was going through and she has to have known that it was the worst experience I have ever gone through.
Well, her ex boyfriend who she is still in love with has a new girlfriend and she got pregnant. Well he talked to one of their mutual friends about marrying her for the baby's sake. I was really sad for my friend because it was her first love and still in denial that the relationship is over.
Well she calls me last night... "Guess what!?! T's girlfriend lost the baby!! Isn't that great! Ooh I am so excited!" She takes it as fate that her and her ex are meant to be and her excuse for being so heartless is that he really didn't want a baby with her. I told her how insensitive she is and that she needs to realize that the world doesn't revolve around her and that her ex is never coming back. Her response was "I know that I am totally going to hell for this, but I did a happy dance when I got the news."

I am still in total shock. She is usually such a great person, but wishing a mc on someone is completely unforgiveable. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Hearing the news that I lost my baby was like a living hell to me. I am speechless!

[purplesunshine7]

hi ladies,
Finally some good news I think. but first let me say,
LIL Mrs: I can't believe your friend said that I couldn't even wish that on my worst enemy. I am glad you said what you said to her. I can't imagin a friend being so insensitive to your own situation. (HUGS)

Jay and ERIN: I hope your ultrasound goes well. Is DH going with you? perhaps he will show more emotions after he sees the ultrasound. I understand wanting to detach ones feelings just incase but I would hate to even have to think about a just incase. maybe you could let him know how his responds made you feel no matter the outcome he needs to know that you need him there every step of the way. (HUGS)

AJ: Iam glad you dr. appt. went well:)

OK so to the good news I think: WEll dh and I got into a huge arguement last night that ended in us talking FINNALLY. He knows how I feel and I now know how he feels, he said he really does want ttc now, he said he will try not to work so many extra hours so that he can spend time with me. he also agreed to the compromise that he would put his extra money into a house and I would put mine into the baby fund. now if only I can get him to act on his words. but I'll take what I can get for now ,as least we talked about it. so I feel pretty good right now about our whole situation, I hope hope his actions reflect what he said, if not I'll be back to square one.

[pacificbliss]

purple sunshine- I am so happy for you. Sometimes it just takes a big blowout to start the conversation. As an aside from my own situation, my DH felt like we should own a home before ttc but we live in a part of the country where it's nearly impossible for a young couple. We came up with a budget and as long as were able to set some money aside each month and put it in a savings account or invest it in some way he was comfortable with the decision.

LilMrs- I can't imagine what your friend was thinking saying that to you. It's bad enough to wish that on someone. Across the board I have found that unless someone has gone through it they can't fathom how devastating it is.

Sabriel- I know excatly how you feel . I think we m/c at about the same time. I have been feeling pretty low lately. Yesterday I had a complete breakdown. I don't know what my boss was thinking. He knows about my m/c and yesterday he conferenced me in for that coworker's baby shower. About 10 minutes into it I fell apart and had to hang up the phone. I sat on the floor and went through those bone shaking sobs for about 15 minutes. When I pulled it together and called back I told them I tried to click over to call-waiting and got disconnected. Feel free to PM me anytime.

As for the book, I found a copy of it at the library. I decided it was the kind of thing I wanted to read but did not want to keep. I have asked DH to read it too.

DH did a sweet thing. We finally found some way to remember the loss. IHe bought me an emerald ring. Emerald is the birthstone for May and is also a fertility stone and one women used to wear to ease the pain of childbirth. I thought it was a very nice way or remembering the past while looking forward to the future. It arrived yesterday.

I have not had my period yet but last night we dtd and did not use any protection. I'm not sure why we did it, we didn't discuss it, it just happened. I hope that's not a bad thing.

Happy Friday everyone.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

OMG- I am so sorry PacificBliss!! That had to have been horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that.
You are right. Unless you have been through a m/c, I guess you don't understand how devastating it can be. It really was hell on earth.

[purplesunshine7]

more good news, dh followed through with words ! bd last night and this morning. maybe I have a little chance.

[rene']

Hello ladies, I guess I will join you. I am (was) 9 weeks 6 days pregnant. This morning, I started having very bad cramps and eventually starting bleeding. I can't believe it. I just don't understand. This just happened out of the blue. We've seen the heartbeat, I've had all the symptoms you can imagine. I just don't get it.

Anyway, I will call the dr. on Monday, but I'm sure it will be just to check my levels, etc....

Thanks for listening, I'm devestated.....:(

[Sabriel]

OMG rene'. I am so so sorry.

(((hugs)))

[Sabriel]

purplesunshine7 Yay for BDing! I'm glad that you had a good talk with your DH.

Lil_Mrs_0702 How horrible of your friend to say those things, especially after she knows what you have been through. I agree with everyone. No one should ever have to go through this.

pacificbliss I am so sorry that you had to sit through that baby shower, even on a conference call. I would have broken down too. I am already thinking about skipping Thanksgiving with my Mom's side of the family, because my cousin's wife will be there and is ~4 months pg.

We did the same thing and dtd before my first AF. I have decided that we are just going to take things as they come. We didn't discuss it either. It just happened.

And that was so sweet of your DH to buy you the ring. It sounds beautiful.

rene' I just can't believe this is happening to you. Again, I am so sorry.

I am 6 DPO today. I will probably test late next week. I am doing pretty well not stressing about anything. If I am pg, great. If not, that's okay too.

Have a good weekend, girls!

[shouldaeloped]

rene- I am so very sorry. I hope your doctor can give you some answers on Monday. is it possible you haven't miscarried? was the bleeding heavy? I've read some pretty crazy stories about women who have bled through their entire pregnancies. I'm hoping there's still a little hope for you. both of my miscarriages happened after hearing and seeing the heartbeat. one at 9 weeks and one at 12. we went through a series of tests and they still aren't able to come up with a medical reason. "bad luck" and "just one of those things" are what I keep hearing. now at 7 weeks pg again, we aren't doing anything different. crossing our fingers and holding our breath. sometimes there just aren't any answers. I am definitely hoping you get some though.


thanks to everyone here for your support on my disappearing symptoms. they were back the next day in full force and have kind of come and gone since then. I wish I had some guarantees but understand that's not part of this process. my ultrasound is wednesday and although I was hoping that would give me some peace of mind, I know it will be temporary. I've gotten that far before. I'm still hoping for January and the start of the second trimester. atleast I haven't been there yet!

pacificbliss- I am so sorry about your conference call. how awful.

sabriel- I know you aren't stressing and I think that's great. . but I'm crossing my fingers for you anyway!

[rene']

Thanks Sabriel and shouldaeloped.

I am still bleeding although it isn't heavy. There have been some small clots, but nothing major. The cramps that I'm having are pretty severe. I know I'm not supposed to take ibuprofren, but it's all we have in the house and I just can't take the pain.

I guess there is a small possibility that it might be o.k., but I just feel doomed.:(

[purplesunshine7]

rene,
I hope you won't have to stay here with us. I will pray that you don't but in the event you should please know that all the ladies here will help you as much as they can they are a great group.

[flygirl]

rene, I praying for you. Don't count yourself out yet. Stay positive!

In fact, this is why I finally made my way over here. I went through my m/c 2 weeks ago at 16DPO. I woke up that morning with a lower temp & bbs that weren't sore, & my cramps (which had been with me since I tested) got worse. After I started spotting I ended up in the ER (it was Sat) & was told that with a beta of 20, I was probably m/cing. On Monday I saw my OB for my annual but she didn't give me a blood test. That night I was cramping so badly, I could barely move, and vomiting. The doc called in some meds, & was sick for a few days, but never went in.

I've maintained many pg symptoms (most notably *tons* of watery/creamy/EW CM & water retention) but not others (sore bbs). I tested a few times last week & it was BFN each time. Today I started cramping, & decided to test again. BFP with CBE digital. My cramps have steadily gotten worse. The nurse affiliated with my insurance said to go to the ER; the doc said to go if I start bleeding, otherwise she'll try to get me in tomorrow. Has anyone else ever heard of something like this?

[Sabriel]

flygirl and rene' I hope you are both able to get some answers tomorrow. It is so hard not knowing what is going on.

[pacificbliss]

flygirl and rene' I hope you both get good news tomorrow. I hope you both head back to (or into) a pregnancy thread. Please keep us posted and know that we are here for you. You're in my thoughts.

[kdotp]

rene' I'm so sorry. I hope the Doctor can give you more information today. IIRC, this is your third? So hopefully they can start on some RPL testing. But I'm hoping everything is okay.

flygirl I'm wondering if it's maybe some type of cyst that has/may burst? That could account for the hormone levels for the BFP and the cramping with no blood. But if you didn't really bleed much two weeks ago, it could be possible you are still pg. I hope you get some answers, too.
------------------------
I think Coming to Term was the best book I read about m/c. I read about 5-6 others, but Coming to Term gave me the best information and best feeling of hope.

[ajlanden]

flygirl and rene-Man, I hope you get great news today. We don't want any more new members. We are all here for venting. Please keep us posted!

shouldaeloped-I hope the u/s helps calm you even it if it only for a few days. I wish we could all have u/s machines in our house, so we can check a few times a day! Wouldn't that be great?

purplesunshine-Yay for BDING!!!!!

Not much new here...AF started today! That means I am officially TTC!

Take care everyone!

Ashley

[rene']

Hello ladies, thank you so much for your support. Last night, around midnight, it felt like my water broke (can that happen at 10 weeks)? Anyhow, I had a gush of clear fluid that soaked my pad and panties. About an hour later, I passed a pretty good sized clot. So, I'm sure that I'm done. I've passed some more today and am bleeding more than I was. I'm going in for a sonogram at 10:15 and then will get my blood drawn after that. My other issue is that I just don't feel good. I ran about a 100.8 temperature last night and today, if I move around too much, I break out in a cold sweat. Not sure what that's about.

Anyway, thanks for your support and positive thoughts. I think God is trying to tell us to be happy with our girls and we are.

I'll update after my doctor's appointment.

[ajlanden]

rene-I can't tell you how sorry I am. There are no words. I'll be thinking about you today. Make sure to mention your fever. You want to make sure you don't have an infection or anything. ~many hugs today~

[Sabriel]

rene' I am so sorry this is happening to you again. Definitely make sure you tell them about your fever. (((hugs)))

[RileyMom]

Rene I am so sorry. There are no words. :( Just sending you tons and tons of {{{HUGS}}} :(

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Rene- I am so sorry to hear. I hope that the dr. can give you some answers and I pray that it will be positive news. From what I have read you have been so strong and tried to stay so positive.
I really wish you the best, and we are all so lucky to have this place to vent and share.

[Calla Lilly]

Unfortunately, it looks like I will be joining you too. I had what seemed like a normal pregnancy, and when I went into my 6 week exam with my doctor I asked for an early ultrasound to see if we could see a heartbeat. I went in for the u/s at 7weeks 1 day, and the baby only measured 6 weeks 1 day and no heartbeat was seen. I had my HCG levels measued and they came back on 11/1 at 25980 and 11/3 at 27144. I had another u/s today (8w1d) and the baby was still the same size or perhaps only 6w. My HCG levels also came back at 26505. The nurse (the doctor hasn't spoken to me), told me I will most likely m/c this week and if I want I can have a d&c. I have had no miscarriage signs (besides the test results), so I am in total shock. I also have no clue what I am supposed to do (wait it out, d&c, do I keep going to work, etc)....Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, I don't like my doctor, but at this point I don't know if there would any point to switch.

[shouldaeloped]

calla lilly- I am so sorry for your loss. regarding the d&c vs. waiting it out, that is ultimately an intensly personal decision for you to make. I have had 2 miscarriages, one naturally and one d&c. both had it's pros and cons (if there are any pros) with a natural miscarriage, there is no hospital stay, you are in the comfort of your own home and for me, it was a little easier to deal with emotionally as there was no choice in the process. my body made the decision for me. the downside is that you have no idea when it's going to happen, it can be quite painful and you can bleed for quite a long time while recovering. for the d&c, there is a risk as there is in any surgery although it is very small. it's quick and quite painless, the bleeding goes away much quicker and they can test the fetus to try to see why you miscarried (ask them up front to do this) for me personally, the hardest part of the d&c was that it felt like a choice. I knew the pregnancy was over, but did I choose to end it? what if it wasn't really over. that was very hard for me to recover from. again, this decision is very personal and I am sure that every woman on here will have a different opinion. I can only speak from my experiences.

I will be thinking of you and again, I am so so sorry.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I am so sorry Calla Lilly- I could have written that same exact post. I had an eerily similar situation. I asked for 2nd opinions and a dozen extra blood tests to be sure before I went through the D&C. I was in total shock as well.

A D&C is a very personal decision. Either way you are grieving a huge loss.

I also understand where you are coming from w/ your dr. I stuck it out w/ mine for the D&C and even tried to go through her for bc pills (I couldn't conceive for 6 months). I just couldn't forgive her for how insincere she was in my situation and switched doctors.

Again- I am so sorry. Please feel free to vent any of your frustrations or thoughts here. We are all here to support eachother.

[flygirl]

rene, I am so, so, sorry. This totally sucks. Please do whatever you need to do to help yourself deal with this, and know you have an amazing support group by your side when you need it.

calla, my heart is aching for you, too. I can't imagine facing the choice, but I do know how stressful the 'not knowing' is. Damnit. All I can say is what I said to rene above: do whatever it is you need to do, whether to cry on someone's shoulder, shout at the top of your lungs, spend reflection time alone or with DH, just know you always have a support group when you need it.


Well, no news as of yet. Had my blood drawn today & the u/s tomorrow at 10:45. Still cramping but no blood, and for the first time in 2 weeks, I had trouble sleeping. Not just trouble, but just plain couldn't. :( Talk about an emptional roller coaster. I've spent the past 2 weeks dealing with the loss, and now everything's uncertain again. I want so much to believe I'm still pg, but I have to try to keep myself from being optimistic. And to top it all off, DH is traveling oversees & doesn't know any of what's going on. *sigh*

[pacificbliss]

calla lily I am so sorry. I had a very similar thing happen to me. They sort of gave me a choice but strongly encouraged the d & c. I do sometimes struggle with the, "I chose to do this" question. I didn't really choose. he cramps and the bleeding had startedbut even before then my body had made the decision. We are here for you.

flygirl I hope you get some good news tomorrow.

rene How are you? I hope you are doing ok.

I had my appointment today. The Dr. said everything looked fine. I told him we slipped up twice and dtd without a condom. He kind of frowned at that and said we would increase our chances of another m/c! Has anyone else heard that? We don't plan to start trying right away but I had always heard we "prefer' for you to wait but if you get pg don't worry about it.

[Sabriel]

flygirl I am sorry that you don't have any answers yet and that you are dealing with this by yourself. I hope you are doing okay.

Calla Lilly I am sorry for your loss. I don't know much about D&Cs, so I am not much help there. I didn't know about my m/c until I started bleeding. As for going to work, I took 3 days off. The first 2 days I had too take off, because I was having a lot of pain. The thrid day was for emotional reasons. Do what feels right to you. Good luck with your decisions. I am so sorry that you are having to join our sisterhood.

It is breaking my heart to see all of you here. No one should have to go through this.

There was a discussion earlier about feeling sad after sex. This happened to me last night. I just cried and cried. I am constantly amazed at how strong my emotions have been. DH and I have not talked much about the miscarriage, and last night it all came pouring out. I think it was good, because I now know how that he is upset about it. I was surprised that he has a lot of the same fears that I do about getting PG again.

Anyhow, I am 9 DPO today and hoping that I am PG again!

[Sabriel]

pacificbliss My MW said that the only reason that we should wait is to to help us heal emotionally. I think there is a lot of disagreement about this.

[RileyMom]

Callalily I am so, so saddened to hear of your terrible loss. Please know that all of us have been where you are and are here for you. Vent, scream, or just plain talk. :(

FlygirlThe waiting has got to be pure torture. I will be thinking good thoughts and hoping that you have a great outcome to all this.

I am struggling right now with something and I wanted to come here, because I thought you ladies could offer some support. I haven't mentioned this before (not even in my LJ) but my DH and I are at a stalemate on something. He basically has said that if we have another m/c he does not want to try anymore, because he would take that as a "sign" that we are being told to just be happy with DD. He and I are a bit different in that way, I would go to the ends of the earth to give DD a sibling, but DH is not like that. If he runs into a brick wall on something, he is done. I am the type of person that If I want something bad enough (like this) I will go on until I have exhausted every effort. My DH just does not have the stamina or whatever the word is, to press forward. (I have seen this difference in our personalities come out in other areas too, but none have impacted us like this one.)

This is making this whole thing even more challenging, because I feel like I only have "one more shot" and then we are out. For good. I have tried explaining to him how this just feels like added pressure on me, but he seems pretty firm in this stance. I have even thought (for a brief moment) that if/when we get pg again I won't tell him in case I m/c. That is so bad, and it looks even worse when I type it out like that, but I am so scared that we only have one more chance.

How do the rest of your DH's feel? I don't feel that DH giving me an "ultimatum" of one more m/c is very fair. Any thoughts? Ways to talk to DH?? :(

ETA: DH also told me this weekend that he doesn't think I "appreciate what we have" because I am so focused on our ttc issues and having another child. I am just so frustrated with him right now. I am wondering if we too, should possibly seek some sort of counseling on this. FWIW, we have a good marriage in general, its just this issue that we are dealing with right now.

[kdotp]

pacificbliss I think the reason most doctors prefer to wait at least one cycle after a m/c, if not more, is so that the body (both pysical and emotional) has time to heal. I've never heard of an increased chance of m/c after conceiving soon after a m/c.

We conceived this pg on the second cycle after our second m/c. We had one or two nights of DTD without protection because we ran out and I figured I wouldn't O for another 5-7 days anyway. Turned out I was wrong. My OB has not treated this pg any differently than a "normal" first-time pg (which was rather frustrating at first because I was so certain it wouldn't stick).

[rene']

Hello everyone - I've had a really rough day today. I went in for the sonogram this morning. There was a baby that measured 8 weeks (I was 10) but no heartbeat.
I went to my dr's office, but she was out of town. The other doctor that's in that office talked to me and was really nice. She said that if I was able to save the tissue, to do so so that they could do some testing on it. Well, this was much harder than I thought it would be. I had planned on going back to work, although I had told my supervisor everything in case something happened. I was such a wreck, crying and everything. Then I started having severe cramps. When I got home, I passed a lot of stuff and (i know this is gross) but I looked through it and found the "tissue" they were asking for. It was a baby, a little baby with fingers. I freaked out, I couldn't believe it, I was hysterical. So, I put it in the speciman cup they had given me for my next appt. I have to take it to the doctor tomorrow so that they can do tests on it. I don't think I will have to have a d&c, I passed a lot of stuff today. I'm just heartbroken about this, my DH told his parents and they are devestated. I haven't told the girls yet.:(

[ajlanden]

calla-My heart breaks for you...I am so sorry. I hope you find great comfort here. The other ladies have given great advice.

Sheryl-That is such a tough situation. Do you think you could talk to him a little bit and tell him how it makes you feel when he says that this is the last shot. Maybe get him to agree that you will reevaluate if, god forbid, it should happen again. Tell him it would put a lot less pressure on you if he wouldn't jump to a decision today.

flygirl-Your story sound much like mine...I am sorry. "your pg, you m/ced, wait, you might still be pg, no your not, yes you are, no your not." It is horrible, I know. I hope you get a final answer today, so you can move on.

pacificbliss-I don't think it is right for your doc to scare you like that. I read a lot and haven't seen any study that said that if you get pg too soon you are more likely to m/c. I think it is an old fashion way of thinking. I think someone posted here (Sabriel?) that if your body truly isn't healed, it won't get pg. I wouldn't worry.

[ajlanden]

rene-We must've cross posted...I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen. Of course you had a rough day and couldn't go back to work. YOu take care of yourself. Do something nice...go get a massage...go drink a glass of wine...just something you enjoy. I am so sorry...

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Pacificbliss- I think that it depends on the circumstances of the mc. In my case I had a partial molar, which meant I had to go through some extra testing to make sure that it was all gone and that my body knew that it was no longer pg. Then I had to wait another 6 months to conceive.

If it had something to do w/ the circumstances of your mc, your dr should have told you this is what we found and this what we need to do before you can conceive again. If he justs frowns upon it, it may just be his own personal opinion.

[jay&erinn]

rene' and calla: I'm so sorry for your losses. Do what you need to heal emotionally and physically and know we're all here for you.

rene': I almost started crying reading your post. The first time I m/c'd there was tissue, but nothing recognizable. I also looked, because I wanted some confirmation that I was really pregnant and that it wasn't all in my head. I can't imagine how I'd have felt if I had found something to make the pregnancy so real. Going back to work isn't something you want to push. You need some time to heal, and hopefully your work will be understanding.

RileyMom: I'm sorry you and DH are having a difficult time with this. I'd also feel added pressure if I were in your situation. A counselor may make it easier for you both to express the reasons behind your thoughts and feelings. Such an emotional issue could make it hard to really understand each other's view without someone helping out. My DH hasn't really commented on how many m/c's he could tolerate. I think he feels that if I'm the one who has to physically go through it, then it should be up to me when I want to quit trying. However, if I ever made that decision I think I'd want us to sit down and talk with someone to make sure I know all of his true thoughts and feelings about not having any more biological children. It has surprised me that DH has started to discuss adoption as an option when he has previously said he would never consider it. Being in our situations definatley makes things change.

Sabriel: Good luck this cycle. Did you conceive easily the last time around?

pacificbliss: It sounds like that's just your doc's opinion. I had a family member who is a retired OB tell us we should wait 6 months. I don't think so.

flygirl: What an emotional roller coaster. I'm thinking of you. Good luck at your ultrasound tomorrow.

I had my ultrasound on Friday. Everything looks good so far. The tech was wonderful, showing me and telling me things as soon as she saw them. It made me feel good for about 2 days. Now it's back to worrying again.

[Sabriel]

jay&erinn Yay for the good ultrasound! My first cycle TTC was annovulatory :rolleyes: and we concieved the second cycle. I hope it is quick this time around too.

RileyMom I think that is very unfair of your DH to put that much pressure on you. Dealing with this is hard enough. And don't worry, my first thought is that you shouldn't tell your DH that you are pg next time too! I am sure that he is trying to protect you and himself, but maybe this is not the best way. I hope you are able to talk to him and that you can agree to something.

[rene']

Calla ~ I'm sorry, I've been so self involved that I haven't told you how sorry that I am for you.

jay&erinn ~ I really think that is what made it all hit home was seeing the little body, arms, legs, ribs. Actually, it makes it all seem so surreal. It sounds almost sick that I kept it and am actually talking about it. But, it really made me feel a sense of loss when I saw it.

ajlanden ~ Thanks for your support. You have always been so supportive and helpful even though you have just gone through this yourself.

Rileymom ~ I can kind of see how you wouldn't want to tell him just in case you m/c. But, I feel like he is putting you into that situation. It's not fair. I know right now, I feel like I don't want to go through this again. But, if my DH wanted to, we would have to come to an agreement of some sort. Hopefully, you will get pg with a really sticky baby soon and you won't have to worry about it.

My Doctor called me around 6:00 when she got back into town to see how I was doing. She wants me to bring in the embryo and have another sonogram to see if everything was leaving on it's own. She said we should start doing some tests to see what could be causing these problems. Even if we don't try again, it would be nice to know what it is.

I told my DD's tonight. They cried. But, I told them how lucky we were to have each other and that I am totally happy with the two that I have. Things happen for a reason. They are so sweet.

Things again everyone. It's nice to have someone to talk to.

[purplesunshine7]

hi ladies,
I am so sorry for everyones losses.

Rileymom: I know it sound bad not to tell dh if you are pg but I would also not tell him since he has put you in this situation, the only problem is if you do get pg and m/c again( god forbide) you may need him for some support and if he finds out that way he may be even madder and unsupportive. I am sorry he has put you in this situatation. I hope you guys find a solution. Counseling does work I took dh with me and at first I thought it made matters worst but in the end it really did help.

Rene: I am so sorry you had to go through a roller coaster ride of emotions, I hope the doctors can find an answer for you. My doctor gave me a speciem cup also but it was too late I had already m/c at the hospital.

Ihope everyone who is trying to have little turkeys get one this month

I hope that everyone who has to go through an emotional time get the love and care they need and remember to give yourself time to heal it will be a long process.


As for me I am on cd 16 and still DTD temps show no O yet. DH and I are still getting along.

[ajlanden]

purplesunshine-Hope you are keeping REALLY busy! ;)

Erinn-That is great news on the u/s!!! Sending many ~sticky vibes!~

Hope everyone who is hurting finds some peace today...~hugs~ to Rene and FlyGirl!

[RileyMom]

ReneOh, I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. My heart ached just reading about it. I hope they can do some testing and you can get some answers. One of my regrets is that although I had a d&c, I didn't realize it was not routine to do testing on on first m/c, I had to ask. Since I didn't ask, I didn't get any testing. Continued {{{HUGS}}} going your way.

ErinnYay for a healthy baby on u/s. Baby steps, one u/s at a time. :)

Purplesunshine I don't know a lot about this, but your dr does seem a bit "alarmist." Try not to worry. I believe there are lots of women who have had successful pgncies right after a m/c.

I'm sorry if I am missing folks, I don't have time for tons of shout-outs today (I actually have to work!!) but I wanted to thank EVERYONE for your replies.

A couple of things I have left out of the situation - DD's birth was also very traumatic. To make a verrrrrry long story short, 42 hrs of labor, emergency c-section, 11 days in hospital, c-section complications, vomiting, having stomach pumped for 4 days, etc. DH was very traumatized by that as well. On top of that, he was with me through my whole d&c ordeal w/ this last pregnancy, and I think that was also very traumatic for BOTH of us. Add to that, I have some pretty significant uterine abnormalities that will likely require surgery before we can ttc again. So you see, DH has had to deal with a lot of "stuff" on our ttc journey and I think he is just at wits end. I do understand, although it is frustrating still. I mean, I have had to deal with all of this too, but I am still hanging in there. But then, Add on top of that the fact that his father's cancer has just spread to his brain, and he probably has only weeks left to live. He is dealing with a whole lot around that. We've known his father has had cancer for a while, but just found out last week there are 2 tumors on his brain. :(

I am just going to hang in there and take one day at a time. I still have surgery to deal with. We'll see how we both feel after that. Thanks again everyone.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Rileymom- I am so sorry this has got to be such a hard time for the both of you. My heart really goes out to you.

Is it possible that you would be willing to wait a while to try. It sounds like you guys are going through a lot right now. Trust me, I know how much you want this baby. I also think that the timing needs to work as well. I think ttc while his father is fighting to live may be too much right now. If you do get pg, he will want to be your support- your rock. It is very hard to do that if he is grieving the possible loss of his father.

I truly believe you will have your baby- I just think he needs some time.

[RileyMom]

Rileymom- Is it possible that you would be willing to wait a while to try. It sounds like you guys are going through a lot right now. Trust me, I know how much you want this baby. I also think that the timing needs to work as well. I think ttc while his father is fighting to live may be too much right now. If you do get pg, he will want to be your support- your rock. It is very hard to do that if he is grieving the possible loss of his father.

I truly believe you will have your baby- I just think he needs some time.

I probably wasn't clear. We are NOT, (definitely, absolutely not) trying to conceive right now, for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which is what is going on with his Dad not to mention my own reproductive issues that I have to deal with. We probably won't ttc until March of next year, and he knows that. However, DH has felt this way since way before we found out how serious his Dad's condition is. I doubt his feelings will change once this crisis is over.

No way would I ever be putting pressure on him to ttc right now. No way. :)

[rene']

RileyMom ~ Wow, you guys are going through a lot! I hope it all works out for you.

I had another sonogram today. It looks like between yesterday's sono and today's, I passed everything on my own. So, I don't have to have a D&C. I'm still having some cramping, though. Does anyone know how long that should last? I got teary eyed while the transvaginal u/s was being done. I remembered laying there just a month earlier and seeing my little bean's heart beating. Then I had to turn my little bean over to be tested. Another rough day for me. I guess it's all downhill from here.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Oh- I am sorry for misinterpreting. Thank you for clarifying and not assuming that I am an idiot. I am so sorry that so much is piling on you guys right now.
One thing that I try to remind myself is that I have to go through all of the bs, hurt, and raw emotions so that I can truly appreciate all of the good in my life and celebrate it that much more. So if I am going through a really rough patch in life I remeber that my reward will be that much greater for all of my suffering. Just something for all of us to keep in mind.

[RileyMom]

Lilmrs No worries! I had mentioned several pages back that we wouldn't be ttc again for a while due to some of my reproductive "complications" I have going on, but I wasn't clear at all about that in my recent posts. I just didn't want anyone to think I am harping on DH daily while he is dealing with such a significant issue like his father's death. I am glad you gave me the opportunity to clarify. :)

Truly though, I think there are more issues underneath the surface that go beyond what we are facing with my FIL. I just really think my DH was really, really affected by this last m/c, and doesn't want to deal with this multiple times. Heck, neither do I. Neither do any of us. I guess we all have our breaking points, and I fear that DH will reach his before I've reached mine.

[Sabriel]

RileyMom Sounds like you and your DH are going through a lot right now. You will be in my thoughts.

rene' Sorry that today was rough for you. I am glad that you do not need a D&C. My cramping went away the same day that I passed the tissue. I was not as far along as you though, so it may be different. (((hugs)))

purplesunshine7 Hope you O soon!

I am 10DPO today, and I had a huge temp jump. Got a BFN today, but I am not worried about that.

I am doing pretty well emotionally today. My MW office called to see how I was and to give me info on a miscarriage support group. Has anyone gone to one before? I would like to go, but I think DH would prefer not to. I don't know if I want to go without him.

Hope everyone is doing as well as possible and (((hugs))) to everyone who is hurting.

[Jenzen01]

Just wanted to pop in to send some hugs to Rene. Sweetheart, it isn't downhill from here. It will get better and better, one day at time. Just wanted to let you know that my heart hurt for you as I read your posts today.


As for me, I've been having lots of weird aches and pains. I'm pretty sure I've ovulated. My temp is up around 97.9 in the morning, which is usually post-O for me, although I didn't do much temping, so I never caught the shift.

Anywho, not sure if I shared this here yet, but I've decided to adjust my thinking about this miscarriage. I was getting so tired of thinking of that baby in a negative, sad sort of way, when babies, no matter what, should be such a happy thing. I think that baby came along to do something good in my life ... to make me love DH more ... to make me love my son more. I'm sure God had a good reason for sending that little baby in my life ... even if it was here for just a short time. So, that's what I know ...

Also, I just found out my cousin is preggers. Man, the preggo ladies are falling out of the sky. She had some major fertility issues, so this is a miracle indeed. However, I'm sort of miffed at her ... she hasn't talked to our family for about two years because she couldn't stand the thought of associating with people who already had kids. Now that she's pregnant, she's been calling and contacting all of us. Sort of makes me feel used, if that makes sense. She'll only contact me when it works for her ...

That's all I know.
Jen

[pacificbliss]

rene I am so sorry. It does get better. I found I felt significantly better after the physical symptoms of both the pregnancy and the m/c went away. Sometimes things still set me off but I am much better than I was this time last month.

RileyMom I hope you work things out with dh. That's a lot of pressure for the next time you ttc.

Where or where has my period gone? All that bleeding when I was pregnant and now nothing. It's disgusting but I have been checking tp everytime I pee for like 3 months! Yesterday at my Dr. appoint the ob/gyn said I should come back if I have not had a period by mid-December. December! sheesh. Maybe I should make an appointment with a midwife and get another opinion?

[ajlanden]

pacificbliss-Waiting for AF is the worst? I am sorry it is taking so long for you. I am sure your body is just trying to recover. I don't know if another doc would give you something to get things moving or not. It might be worth a try!

RileyMom-Your DH has been through a lot (so have you). It is no wonder why he is a little scared. I think just taking it one day at a time is a good idea. Time can heal!

rene-I agree, you are through the worst of it. The actual m/c and follow up u/s and appointments were the worst for me. At least after that I could start to deal with it and move on.

Jen-Great attitude! Somedays it is easier to think positively than others. I am glad you are on a upswing.

Inspired by Jen's thoughts...
This might sound really weird and I apologize for any of you who have strong religious views, but it helps me to think that I will meet my little m/c'd soul again. That that little person is meant to be in my life. The time just wasn't right to meet on earth. So, I just have to be patient and wait for that time to come.

[Calla Lilly]

Thanks everyone for the support and the information. I still haven't decided if I am going to wait to m/c naturally or schedule the d+c...for now I am just waiting....I do need some additional advice. I saw my doctor for my 6 week appointment, but I have not seen or talked to her since then. The nurses give me all of my test results and information (i.e. non viable pregnancy) over the phone. The nurse also gave me my options about waiting it out or going in for a d&c. Is this normal? I am also annoyed, because around 12dpo I asked to have my progesterone (sp?) checked. I was told it wasn't necessary...after all of this happened I requested to have it checked again. Yesterday, my nurse told me the hcg levels went down...but said nothing about the progesterone. I asked about possible reasons why I misscarried and she said it is just one of those things that happen...or something along those lines. Anyway, I asked her today what the progesterone levels were and she said on Saturday (after growth had already stopped) it was 5.1. I asked if that could be why I miscarried, and she said it could be. Does anyone have problems with their levels? If so, what do you do for it? I know I should ask my doctor, but I don't even think she has reviewed my u/s or any of my blood tests. I am going to try to find a new doctor tomorrow, but that might be difficult....Sorry if my thought process isn't very fluid right now.

[purplesunshine7]

hi everyone,
well I just got off work and wanted to check on everyone. I will chat more tomorrow but JENZEN's thread rang a bell for me. Everyone in my family has children or babies but me. I use to be close to them before they had their babies and then we stopped talking. I hate going to family gathering because everyone is always talking about thier babies and I feel out of place. Perhaps that is what happened in your relatives case. I would probably talk to my relative and feel more at ease if I had a baby, not to mention the first thing they always ask is when are we going to have one. We are never invited to the childrens birthdays parties either. Maybe now that she is pregger she feels like she belongs or has something in common with everyone. This is just my case and and how I relate to your thread and by no means am I trying to say that you are wrong in your thinking but maybe there was an other reason for hers. lol

[ajlanden]

Calla-First off...find a NEW doctor. Geez, it seems like a pretty common theme here. Why is it that so many doctors are so uncaring? I hate it. As for progesterone...through all of this I never had mine tested either. I don't know if that was the reason for the m/c or not. Next time I get pg (God Willing) I am going to demand it. That shouldn't be in issue if it monitored. If it is low they can give you suppliments.

[flygirl]

Hi everyone. I'm seriously hoping my rollercoaster is slowing down. Beta was 0 & u/s was clean, except for numerous but very small cysts on both ovaries, which the doc said not to worry about. Strangely enough, by the time I went into the doc yesterday, I was 100% positive this was over. In fact, I figured I was probably ovulating, which was confirmed by the huge follicle on my left side. Unfortunately, this means I have no explanation for the cramps or distended stomach.


Calla, please don't apologize for anything right now! I second ajlanden suggesting finding another doc. That doesn't seem right at all, and I would be extremely pissed if there was something that could have been done to keep this from happening. But while there may be nothing you can do about it now, it is important to explore any possible problems so you can avoid this in the future. Please take care of yourself.

pacificbliss, I don't think there's anything wrong with calling a midwife. I'm not usually one to call doctors; I always figure I'm going to recover eventually. But after losing this m/c I've decided nothing involving my reproductive system is too small to look into. Good luck!

jenzen, that is a beautiful sentiment; I know it's helped me. Everything happens for a reason, even when that reason is difficult to see through the pain. Just knowing that there is a reason, even when you're not sure what that reason is, is a huge weight of one's shoulders.

sabriel, I haven't considered a support group, but part of me is still hiding from the emotion. I'm afraid if I confront this head-on, not to mention empathizing with others' pain, may be too much to handle right now. It took me a while to post in here because I associate these forums so much with TTC.

RileyMom, I am so sorry that you have had to experience such difficulty. In a way, I understand your DH's frustration & desire not to go through the emotional ringer again. He has no control over the situation and feels helpless watching you hurt. To a man, that's a fate worse than death. But that doesn't mean your own maternal instincts should be put aside; in fact, maternal instincts are well-known as the strongest forces on earth ;). My first thought after reading your post was not so much that you shouldn't tell DH right away about your next BFP, but rather could you even keep the secret? After thinking more about it, and reflecting on my own current situation, I can totally see the validity, even without his ultimatum. Why not spare him from the possible pain? BUT... do you have strong support in case you did suffer a m/c again? Luckily you have plenty of time to make a decision, and circumstances may change before your next BFP.

rene, words cannot express how very sorry I am that you are going through this. I can't begin to imagine how difficult this is. Please take good care of yourself. I don't have an answer about the cramps, considering I'm still getting them 2.5 weeks later, but I can't stress enough how important it is to take care of yourself right now.

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Warning TMI

So I had I rather large scare last night. After we dtd, I cleaned up and there was a hint of pink! I have no clue what it means. I just sat there in the bathroom staring at it and crying. I am so scared now! I don't know if that is normal or not. There was some pain while DTD that I think has to do w/ everything moving and readjusting for the baby, but I can't be sure. I am going to do some research today to figure out if this is normal.

After I found it, I had nightmares all last night of having mc at home. The scariest part is I had the same nightmare but in the bathroom stall at work before I lost the last baby and that is where I started bleeding! I really hope that it is my nerves and everything is normal.

[Jenzen01]

Hi ladies,

I didn't share this in here, but I had some severe pelvic pain on Sunday night. I called the nurse on call, and she recommended the ER. However, the pain subsided after about 15 minutes, and then was gone within the hour. I've had a lot of weird cramping around my ovary, but that is finally gone.

Anyway, I reported it to my dr. office the next day, and the nurse said it's common to have something like that after a miscarriage. She said that as long as it's not prolonged or reoccuring, everything should be fine. Just wanted you all to know that some weird pain seems to be normal ... even weeks after the miscarriage. So, flygirl, don't doubt that weird stuff will continue to happen.

I'm going to recommend that my dr. office puts together a brochure or flyer for patients who are miscarrying. I had to do all my own reading and research, and I was so unprepared for the physical and emotional sides. Medical literature completely sugarcoats miscarriages, in my opinion. My dr. told me it would be a "heavy period" that would subside after a week. Whatever. I had three weeks of some sort of bleeding/spotting, and then these weird pains. Why don't they prepare us better? Also, I think it would be helpful to have some first-hand accounts included in the flyer so that women can understand the emotional impact.

So, that's what I know for today.

Jen

[excitedbride]

I hope you all don't mind me popping in here. I haven't been too good about keeping up, as I have not been feeling well.

I am getting really anxious, I want confirmation that everything is going ok. I want another u/s. I had one two weeks ago and we saw the h/b. But we also saw the h/b last time too. I have no reason to believe that things aren't going well, but I am just getting nervous. My next appt. is December 6th, and we should hear the h/b at that appt.! I borrowed a heart doppler from a friend, but it is still to early to hear the h/b.

[shouldaeloped]

cross posted from June 06 Mommies thread. . this is my update for the day.

well. . I had my ultrasound today. saw the heartbeat and the little itty bitty fetus. could see the little arm and leg buds and I was so happy. we went over to see my doctor afterwards and she tells me that the ultrasound tech saw something that they can't explain. she didn't know what it was, the doc had no idea and when she showed it to all the other docs in the office, none of them had any clue what it was. it basically looks like an extra little white bubble in there. very tiny and only in a few of the pictures. as a result, they are going to send me to a high risk OB to take a look and give a second opinion. I asked her what she thought it was, she had no idea. I asked her worse case scenario, she had no idea. so, I wait. I have decided to not be upset until I have something to be upset about. a friend of mine had a similar experience and when she saw the high risk OB, they couldn't even find it. she had a healthy baby boy. so. . . if anyone has any positive vibes they'd like to send this way, I will take all I can get. there was definitely a heartbeat and this isn't anything I have experienced in either of my two miscarriages. . so again. . nothing but positive thinking. anyone have any extra insight or experience on this?

on another note. . I did lose 2 pounds

argh . why can't anything be easy????

calla lilly- get another doctor. if your doc can't even deliver bad news herself, she doesn't deserve to provide you with her care. and as far as progesterone supplements, ask for them next time you are pregnant regardless. there was never any indication that my prog was low and I'm on supplements just in case. the risk is very minor.

jenzen- I agree on the brochure. and while you're at it, how about recommending two waiting rooms. . it's torture to sit in there and wait with a bunch of pg ladies when you just lost one.

sorry I don't have time for more shoutouts. . hope everyone is hanging in there today. . I'm trying to.

[excitedbride]

Shouldaeloped Yay for seeing the h/b! I really hope that this is just nothing to worry about and all will be ok. When do you see the high risk ob?

[shouldaeloped]

excitedbride .. not sure when I will see him. I'm waiting for their office to call me. my OB said it might be a week before I even hear from them. argh . waiting is the hardest part! I have decided not to worry until I have something to worry about. easier said than done. . but that's my plan for now!

[RileyMom]

Flygirl Thank you for validating my feelings (and my DH's.) There really is no "wrong" way to think about this. Everyone deals with this differently. I deal by pressing on and looking to the future, trying to find hope wherever I can. DH deals by shutting himself off from anymore possible hurt. He's not wrong for feeling that way. I am just struggling that we are dealing with things so drastically different. I pray every day that God will somehow help us both, and give us a pathway that we can both accept and walk together.

Jenzen I could write a novel about my disappointment with the lack of support/information available at most doctor/OB's offices. I think that is a great idea. I think we all should suggest that to our OB's. I get angry that m/c is enveloped in a shrowd of secrecy like its not "politically correct" to talk about it openly and honestly. No, much better to let m/c survivors blindly find their own path with minimal support. :mad: (See, don't get me started on this....its a big sore spot...)

Shouldaeloped Easy for me to say, but I am betting its nothing. (Of course, if it were me I would be in here posting and worried too.) So wonderful that you saw a heartbeat. Keep us posted on what the high risk OB says.

Excitedbride If I had any sticky vibes, I'd be sending them your way. I hope time flies until your next appointment. It sucks that this is such a time of uncertainty when it should be a time of joy. Ugh. I hate that for all of us. Hate, hate, hate, hate IT.

************************************************** ********
Okay ladies. My body is pulling some very weird things, and its starting to make me a bit paranoid. I have already had one normal AF since my m/c, and I am on cycle 2 now. AF is due Sunday or Monday. I typically have a 16 (sometimes even 17) day LP. (I O very early.) Today, I think I am 10dpo, and I noticed some brownish (TMI) clumps mixed in with CM on the tp. The cm is kind of yellowish/whitish. The clumps look like brown CM. I don't have any idea what is happening, but this is definitely not normal. I have no other signs AF is arriving. I have noticed some FPS (fake pregnancy symptoms) over the last couple of days (mild nausea, constipation, etc.).

My mind is playing tricks on me and its making me want to go by an hpt. Maybe I should just for my own piece of mind. I'm babbling......:o

[ajlanden]

Sheryl-I talked to you in your LJ. I totally understand why you are freaking out a little, but I am sure everything is fine. Go buy an HPT!

excitedbride-I am glad things are still looking okay for you! :) Keep calm and try to enjoy your pgncy!

shouldaeloped-Yay for the h/b! That is great news! As for the abnormal thing they see, I had something like that with DD. I went it for an early u/s because I was spotting. Everything look great except they saw some sort of something by the baby. I "think" I had three follow-up u/s before it went away. My doctor said she thought it was some of the intestines that hadn't been pulled in yet. It happens sometimes and almost always corrects itself and even if it doesn't the baby can be fine.

[flygirl]

RM, wow. Is there any chance at all you could be pg? If not, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your body continues to shed old bits of lining. I haven't noticed that recently, but years ago when I was dealing with cysts, I would see bits of brown regularly during my cycle. As for FPS, I know I'm still dealing with many of them, and the doc said it may take a few months for my hormones to settle down.

shouldaeloped, how exciting seeing the u/s! The first thing I thought of when reading your post was Vanishing Twin, which will 99.999% of the time won't affect the surviving fetus. The worrying right now would drive me crazy, but at least you can be secure in the knowledge that everything else looks perfect!

excitedbride & Lil_Mrs, the anxiety of a second pg is probably going to be the hardest thing to deal with. I wish there were magic words to make you both feel better, but the best I can do is to remind yourself that you're in charge, and if anything AT ALL seems out of sorts, call the doc, no matter what time of day. You deserve that peace of mind :).

[RileyMom]

Okay, now the clumps are gone, and its just pink on the TP. It is looking like the start of AF. I don't have the ususal tell-tale signs of cramping or anything, but if she is coming she should be here in full force tomorrow morning. We shall see. It is a bit early, only cd24. I can't ever recall getting AF on CD24. But as some of you have said, it could be just my body getting back to normal. I hope this does not mean my LP is going to be shorter now.

I soooo much want another baby, but its more important to get things taken care of so I can have a healthy and sticky one, and I would really worry about getting pg right now. Thank you all. I am thinking "false alarm" over here now. :)

[shouldaeloped]

thank you AJ, flygirl, rileymom and excitedbride. positive thoughts and personal stories help so much. I think everything is going to be fine too. . I just feel like if none of the doctors have seen it before, and they are all pretty tenured and knowledgeable, then it's probably not a big deal. something wrong with the imaging or something like what happened to you AJ. . . it's just got to be okay this time. it has to be so I am just going to believe that it is.

rileymom- after both of my miscarriages, my cycles were longer before they got back to normal. . never shorter. could this be implantation?

[Sabriel]

Is spotting and bleeding always going to be emotional?

I had some spotting this afternoon, and I relived every minute of my miscarriage. The spotting has stopped. It was just a little brown spotting. I can't believe how hard it hit me. I just hugged my poodle and cried for a long time. :(

[pacificbliss]

Sabriel I would imagine spotting and bleeding will be enotional for a while. I haven't seen AF yet since the m/c but I'm sure I'll cry.

shouldaeloped I'm sure it's nothing and will go away on its own. If there is one thing I have learned from this whole experience it's that our bodies do some odd things sometimes.

RileyMom I am glad it was a false alarm and you're feeling better. I am expecting my next few periods to be little different from the norm.

Did I miss anybody? I'm sure I did...my attentions span seems only to be as long as the entries on this page.

So, I am starting to drive myself a little bonkers with this AF thing. DH and I dtd twice without a condom since the miscarriage. I don't know why we did that...habit I guess. I REALLY wish we had been more careful. In some moments I worry that I'm pg again. In others I think, no, they didn't get all the tissue with the d & c and my body only thinks I'm pg. I am sure all the anxiety is really helpful.:p

[excitedbride]

Shouldaelopled I am with you, the waiting is just the worst part of it!
~~~~~~~~~

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. It does suck that this should be a time of joy and all I can do is worry. Of course this is a time of joy, I just wish I didn't have to worry.

[pacificbliss]

I do have a short attention span....I am so sorry

Calla Lilly Are you ok? What did you decide?

Lil_Mrs_0702 I'm sure the pink is nothing. I'll bet your nerves are frayed. How are you doing?

jenzen01 your Dr should have a bunch of pamphlets. After my m/c the nurses at Kaiser sent me home with tons of stuff to read. They said some of it might annoy me but they hoped I would find some comfort from some of it. It wasn't all medical stuff. One whole handout was stories from other women and men. There were even things for DH. I am so sorry they didn't have more for you.

excitedbride Don't feel bad about popping in. It is good this thread is here for women when they need it...whenever they need it. I wonder if you can call and get another u/s? You might find a sympathetic nurse or doctor.

I hope everyone is doing ok.