Support For Ladies Who Have Miscarried

[purplesunshine7]

Bella: I hate when the office people act dumb. when I went back to my doctor after u/s the receptionist just gave me an I am sorry look before I even got to see the doctor. Maybe they didn't know your numbers from the day before so in telling you what they were today they might have been afraid to upset you especially if you couldn't talk to a doctor. I know not knowing and waiting sucks. I am waiting for the results from testing to come back but I decided not to worry about it because I can't control the outcome either way. I know that doesn't help you but I use to worry so very much before m/c that I have decide that if I can't control it then I am not going to worry about it until I need to. It does take a lot of stress off of me. My doctor didn't even test my hcg level so I hope they are going down but I won't worry about it unless af doesn't come.
I truly hope your numbers are coming down. I know that you probably can't even begin to heal until you know for sure that they didn't screw up. I would ask them for an u/s. I am sure they would be able to see if there was something there. unless there is just some linnig left that hasn't been shredded. That is what happened to me after d&c. I didn't bleed but sheded some linning . So just try to stay positive and my fingers are crossed for you and although you are not a religious person I will pray for you and your family. Hope to hear good news from you soon.

Today was my first day back to work one co- worker asked why I ws out so long I told them I had to have surgery.(I didn't lie) they said what for, I said I 'd rather not say and it was left at that. So it's been ok so far. It was a pretty easy day. I just hope the rest of the week is the same.

Littlemia: How are you doing? did you reach 0 yet.

[bellabonga]

My hcg-level dropped from 3916 to 508 in one week. You should think that´s good news but it isn´t that good. It should have dropped to 15-30 by now, so 508 is still too high. They want me to come in early next week and then to test every few days until it is below 5 or until I have to have another d&c. I am so frustrated! :( I want to try and come in friday to get it tested again because I can´t stand to wait another week until I know more. Not another weekend where I don´t know whether it´s over or not. The hcg should be under 100 by friday and if it is, I will be much more at ease.

Purplesunshine, it´s good to hear that your first day at work went so well! I hope everyone continues to respect your privacy and doesn´t bother you with questions.

[pacificbliss]

bellabonga I hope they can get you in soon so you don't have to wait all weekend. So sorry your Dr office isn't giving you all the information you want. Can you leave a message for your ob? Maybe you could call and say you want some explanation of the numbers.

purplesunshine I am glad things went ok at the office.

ieducate I know just how you feel. I was supposed to be pg with one of my good friends too. It was a while before I could even talk to her.

[littlemia]

Littlemia: How are you doing? did you reach 0 yet.

Thanks for asking. I kept meaning to write over the weekend, but I kept getting interrupted. My betas are down and yesterday AF arrived. While I'm so tired of bleeding (I bleed for about 3.5 weeks with the m/c), I'm glad that AF is here because it hopefully means that I am physically back to normal. It arrived exactly 4 weeks after the miscarriage was complete.

Sorry you had to go back to work, but glad that your day went okay. Hope the rest of the week goes well. I didn't tell anyone at work what was going on- I just said I had a medical issue I was dealing with. A few people asked how I was doing but no one asked for specifics. Hopefully your co-workers will be as sensitive as mine.

Bella, I hope your levels go down and you don't have to have another D&C. I know you're having a hard time right now and don't need this uncertainty too. I know how hard it is to wonder if everything is out. I was given an ultrasound and got the results in a couple of days (was supposed to be that day but there was a communication breakdown); is that an option for you?

ieducate, I'm sorry you're having to deal with so many pregnant friends. I know it's hard for me to see pregnant women right now, I can't imagine if I was surrounded by them on a regular basis. Hopefully TTC will go well and you will join them. Did you talk some sense into your DH about not going away while you're o'ing?

Ugh, I hear y'all on the suckiness of going to appointments and seeing pregnant people. I go to a birth center so everyone is either pregnant or just had their baby. The day I found out that I was miscarrying a woman was in labor in one of the birthing suites.

[bellabonga]

Littlemia, I´ve already had an ultrasound on 5/30 and that was okay. I´ve phoned my obgyn´s office again today and asked whether I could come in friday morning to get another hcg test done and that was okay. She even said that they could mark it as urgent so that the lab gets the results on friday afternoon. But the obgyn I´ve talked to today said that probably everything is okay and it just takes longer for some people´s hcg to go down. Did you take your trip to Germany after all? I found it funny that you live in Florida and go on vacation to Germany while I live in Germany and have been to Florida on vacation every year since 2000. Maybe we´ll go again in September.



While I phoned the obgyn´s office to ask for the hcg test, I got to know by chance that the pathology results are in. They wouldn´t have called me since my obgyn is on vacation this week, so I´m lucky that I called myself and got those news by chance while we were talking. I demanded to get to talk to one of the doctors and I was lucky that a nice one called me back. I´m so tired of talking to those irritated receptionists!

They did not find anything that could explain why my baby died. There wasn´t an inflammtion or a hematoma, nothing that´s typical for a chromosomes defect and the placenta looked okay. Now the baby is at a humangenetical lab for further testing and those results aren´t in yet. But the doctor said they could never find out if it was the combination of the various bacterial infections I´ve suffered from. Although they were all in the throat and chest, they might have caused the baby´s death. I still have a feeling that this is all that was wrong - that I infected myself with the pinkeye of one kindergarden child. :( And that apart from that my baby would have been perfectly healthy. And I feel bad because when I first visited my otorhinolaryngologist I had a strong feeling that I needed antibiotics to cope with this illness and wouldn´t manage to do that on my own. And against my better instincts I left without one because he wanted me to try and get better on pineapple-icecubes. :rolleyes: Maybe if I had insisted on antibiotics that day, my baby would still be alive. I know it doesn´t help to have these thoughts since I can´t change it anymore. But still I feel guilty for ignoring my instincts and it´s a horrible thought that my baby might still be alive if I had said something.

But maybe I´m all wrong and they´ll find something at the humangenetics lab. I´ve discovered that there is a huge one in the same building as my obgyn and I wonder if that is where my baby is now. It´s strange not to know what happens to it. Some hospitals around here bury the ashes of m/c every couple of weeks together in an urn on a cemetery but since nobody talked to me about that, I guess my hospital does not do this. Well, it´s probably better that I don´t know. At least I can assume that it is buried together with other babies that weren´t supposed to live and I don´t have to know if they throw it in the trash. :(

[purplesunshine7]

littlemia:I am glad your co-workers were nice to you. Glad your numbers went down. Glad af came for you even though it sucks just to have to expect it.

bella: I am so happy for you that your numbers are coming down. I am glad you don't have to worry over the weekend about it, I wonder why the office people acted the way they did the other day by not telling you. Maybe they didn't know you were expecting them to go down. Try not blame yourself for not listening to your instinct because it could have turned around, if you did take antibiotics and it still occured then you might have blamed your self for taking the drugs, I know it's hard I am one to preach as to this day I still blame myself not because of anything I did but just because I was carrying him or her. you have a good question about what happens to the body afterwards I never thought about I guess I was to worried about it's soul. but i would hate to think they just throw it in the trash. maybe they keep it to allow other med students to learn from it. It would be nice if they did creamate with all other ones. I don't think they do that in the states but I could be wrong.

work was not that good today. Someone from our home office came in and apperently knew what happened to me and I can tell you it wasn't me in fact I have only met this lady maybe 4 times, so I know I didn't tell her that I was pg, which means my boss told her. I am not happy about this at all. I am so tiered of people asking me if I am ok. My boss aperently told my co-workers I was sick, which was fine , but I don't know why she told this other lady she isn't even my superior. Before I m/c I asked for a transfer to an offic edesk because my job requires heavy lifting and is stressful. I think i am going to tell them that I still want to transfer. On a funnier note one of our delivery people said you must be the assistant I said yes he said I heard you were out sick are you ok, I said yeah I am better he said good take it easy you don't want it to relaspe. I just had to laugh to my self I was thinking no kidding I don't want it to relaspe but I think I would have to get pg first. then on the other hand I was a bit iritated because I've never met this guy berfore.
DH and I are not on good terms, we argued about bding 1:00 in the morning. I feel bad because I want to and he wants to but (TMI) afterwards I start to cry and I have no reason why, it is something mentally not physical. I guess I am just not emotionally ready. It's just wierd that as soon as I go back to work things between him and I start to go bad. Maybe it's just a coinicidence. Sorry to go on and on. I just needed to let off some steam. I glad things are going as good as can be expected with eveyone in the room.


P.S. I am already tiered of hearing about brad and angelina.

[ag05]

Hope everyone is doing okay. I promise to go back and catch up on recent posts. I do have an update. My baby had a triploidy. An extra set of chromosomes I think. I saw the picture of the chromosomes and there were 3 of each or something like that. This can happen when 2 sperm fertilize the egg. I have had 4 miscarriages now and my Dr. thinks IVF can help. I don't think my DH is going to be easy to convince though. I didn't find much on the internet about this issue but then again I was at work searching when I shouldn't have been. Too much stuff to think about.

[ieducate]

Purple, I know exactly what you mean about Brangelina. I am so sick of hearing about all the celebrities that are pregnant or have just had babies. Stefani, Spears, etc. Whatever. I am sure they deserve all the happiness in the world, but where's my happiness???

On a separate note, I got my first positive OPK yesterday and it is about time. I have had terrible ovulation pains for the past two days (still having them) and I was getting negative OPK's. :( It was so frustrating because I knew I was ovulating. Anyway, dh and I are "working hard" to make this work and I hope that two plus weeks from now I am reporting a positive pregnancy test. Please cross your fingers for me.

My friend, who was due almost two weeks ago, had her baby yesterday morning. I am happy for her, but still wish it was me. My other friend just had her first u/s this past week and that pregnancy is bothering me way more than anything. She and her dh were trying for one month and bamb, that's it. My dh and I tried for over a year and half and I have nothing to show for it, except 16 months of charting. YUCK!!! I am so praying that this cycle works for us and I get pg...I am seriously not sure I can stomach charting for one more second after this. I want this more than anything in the whole world and I need it to work so that I am not obsessing over these charts, my mood, my physical feelings, my emotional feelings, etc.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day today. I know that this has been a tough time for all of us and each day does not always get easier...there are steps forward and steps backwards. At least I know that is how it is for me. I am feeling just fine right now, but this afternoon, after having to go to a baby shower for someone at work I could feel differently. (I am trying to get out of going to the shower today...just too painful). I am off to get ready for work...9 more days of teaching for the year and I couldn't be more ready. :)

[bellabonga]

Just a short question since I´m in a hurry now:
As you know I have this friend who is 3 weeks further along in her pregnancy as I would have been. That means that she is in her 16th week. Somehow I feel I should offer to lend her my maternity clothes. I have some left from DD but I have also bought two nice shirts, capri pants and a beautiful dress for the pregnancy with Nathaniel. I think I should offer the clothes but somehow I can´t. I didn´t even get to wear them, they are new. :( And I feel horrible at the thought to see her in my maternity clothes that were supposed to be worn by me! The only thought that comforts me is the old wives´ tale that you get pregnant once you lend your maternity clothes out. :p Can anyone relate? What would you do?

[happy]

I lent out all of my maternity clothes from my last pregnancy that I was suppose to be wearing right now. It was actually kind of comforting to me to have them be able to be used. Who knows if I will ever be pregnant again during the same time of year to be able to wear them. I do love my maternity cloths though so it was a little difficult at first but to me it was better than seeing them in a box in the basement. Sometimes it is difficult to see friends wearing the clothes that I think I should be wearing right now but then I think that hopefully I will just get to wear all new clothes if I get pregnant again soon.

[kerrykate]

Hi ladies, I'm so sorry to all the new ladies that have joined us. It's such a difficult thing to go through, ok it plain sucks but everyone here is so wonderful and understanding.
I haven't been around in awhile. This miscarriage has been a long process. I found out I was pg on Valentines day and had some spotting early March. My doctor wanted me to miscarry naturally but that didn't happen until the end of March. My numbers had gotten really high, over 19000 so I've been having to get my betas checked every 2 weeks since then. So 3 months and 2 periods later I found out 2 weeks ago that my betas were finally at 3... So we can start TTC again which we've been doing the last few days. We leave for vacation tomorrow for a week and I know I shouldn't but I'm bringing pg tests with me. Hopefully I'll get a bfp b/c if I don't I know I'll be in a foul mood. I just can't resist testing though....

bellabongo~ I'm going through the same dilema as you. My SIL is pg and she's 2 weeks further along then I should be. My brother and her have 2 daughters that are 5 and 6 years old and they didn't think that they were going to have anymore kids so they got rid of everything. I have tons of maternity clothes from when I was pg with DD and some new clothes that I've picked up here and there on clearance. I've been debating on wheather or not I should let her borrow my clothes but since were TTC now and will hopefully be pg again soon, I've decided not to. It's really for selfish reasons. Seeing her in my clothes when I should be almost as far along as she is would probably break my heart. And even if I had let her borrow my clothes I wouldn't have given her the new clothes to wear. So basically I think it would be torture for you everytime you saw your friend wearing YOUR new pg clothes. That's very nice of you but honestly I think it would be too difficult. You have to think of yourself right now.

Take care everyone.

[jodylovesscotty]

Hello Ladies,
I hope you don't mind if I ask a question. I am going through a natural miscarriage today (5w1d) which I almost positive of because I had a very large clot. As soon as that happened my cramps went away and I physically feel better than when the bleeding started. Anyway, on to my question. What should I expect from here (I am going to get an ultrasound tomorrow from my ob/gyn). Will I get a period again soon, will I still ovulate this cycle, how does this all work? Thanks for any insight.

[littlemia]

Hello Ladies,
I hope you don't mind if I ask a question. I am going through a natural miscarriage today (5w1d) which I almost positive of because I had a very large clot. As soon as that happened my cramps went away and I physically feel better than when the bleeding started. Anyway, on to my question. What should I expect from here (I am going to get an ultrasound tomorrow from my ob/gyn). Will I get a period again soon, will I still ovulate this cycle, how does this all work? Thanks for any insight.

jody, I'm so sorry.

If your u/s shows that the m/c was complete, your should get a period in about 4-6 weeks and you will probably ovulate about 2 weeks before that. They will want to check your beta HCG levels to make sure that they are coming down. I didn't think you were supposed to get your period until after they were down to 0, but some ladies in this thread have had different experiences, so I'm not sure what's up with that.

[flygirl]

Jody, more (((hugs))). Everyone's different, of course (there's that disclaimer), but there seems to be a common pattern for women who m/c early. Some only bleed for a day or two in the beginning, others for as long as two weeks. Almost everyone has reported the most intense cramps you could ever immagine, and some have described them as contraction-like. I couldn't keep anything down, either, & the doc had to prescribe some suppositories at 11pm. I was on the meds for the next 2-3 days & pretty out of it.

With most early m/cs the beta levels drop very quickly & I had a normal cycle following the short bleeding. I bled a day longer than usual the next few cycles but they were picture-perfect.

I'm thinking about you.

[littlemia]

jody, just letting you know that what I posted is what I've heard is pretty typical for all 1st tri. miscarriages but things with an early m/c might be different.

[kerrykate]

Jody~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've had 2 miscarriages and miscarried naturally both times. The first time I was 6 1/2 weeks and had heavy bleeding and cramps for 1 day then bled heavily for 2 more then moderate to light for another 6-7. The doctor tested my hcg levels every week until they were at 0 and I had 1 period before they got to 0. This time I found out I was going to miscarry at 6 1/2 weeks but didn't start bleeding until I was 9 weeks. My hcg levels got really high and it took 3 months and 2 periods before they were back down 3 (still weren't at 0:rolleyes: ). After I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage I had a period 2 weeks later and have since been back to my 28 day cycles. Hopefully you're hcg level will go down quickly and you'll be back ready to TTC.

[polkadot]

Jody~ I am so sorry you are here but there are a couple of familiar faces you will see here. This is a great place to get lots of info and to hear other experiences. I had a natural m/c at about the same time you did...They actually called mine a chemical pregnancy...but that doesnt matter...if was really like a late period for me...I had more cramping than usual but other than that...and being very emotional it was just like a regular period. I hope this is all over for you very soon. I Oed two weeks after the bleeding stopped and my cycles were pretty regular too. I hope this gives you a little bit of info. We are all here to chat if you need us....(((((hugs)))))

[ieducate]

Jody, sorry you have to be joining us here. None of this is any fun at all. As for the period after a m/c, like littlemia said, some people do get their period before they reach zero, as I did. I actually got my period the day I found out I was having a m/c and my hcg was at about 200. I had a normal period, with added cramping...pretty severe at times (even brought me to the hospital the second day because they were so bad). I got my "real" period about 28 days later after the first period. Make sense? I am actually ovulating now, so this is the second time ovulating, but the first time my dh and I were allowed to TTC.

As for me, let me tell you how much pain I am in right now. AGH. I have been on the clomid only once before and it worked (it was actually the month I got pg.). So, my doctor put me back on since it seemed to be the only thing that helped get me pg. The one real plus side to the clomid is that I knew when I was ovulating because I could feel it. This time I can feel it so much that it is almost crippling. It is killing me. It started a few days ago as a minor cramping on my left side, and yesterday it got real bad. Yesterday was the first positive OPK. Today my pain is so severe that it hurts to stand too long and/or walk. Well, that is a real problem seeing as I am a teacher. :( Anyway, I am hoping that the pains subside by tomorrow and that my temperature goes up so that my dh and I can stop "being friendly" for a while...we are both exhausted. :( This whole trying to have a baby thing is so emotionally and physically exhausting. Anyway, I am hoping that the pains I am feeling are strictly ovulation pains and that there is not actually anything wrong with me. I wouldn't know because the only other time I was on the clomid was when I got pg., so I don't have anything else to compare it to. Has anyone else here ever been on clomid and had debilitating cramps in one ovary?

Anyway, my dh and I are going out of town tomorrow night to visit his family in NY and I am not looking forward to it. His sister has three kids and gets pregnant thinking about it. :( Hope everyone has a good weekend. I will stop by tomorrow before I leave to see how everyone is doing.

[polkadot]

ieducate~ i wish the Clomid had worked for me as it has for you. This month was my first cycle on 50mg. and it did nothing...I had plenty of cramping around day 12 which when I asked others who had been on clomid they told me it was maybe my follies getting ready well as you can see in my chart that was short lived ....if i go by my temps I Oed on Tuesday...cycle day 21. A very late O even for me and i felt nothing...not even one cramp. We are dealing with DH's problems, he has a varicocele, for the next few months...and then i hope my doctor will up my dosage of Clomid. We are taking a break this summer until the varicolectomy. I hope you get your BFP very soon. I understand how much you want it....(((hugs)))

[tealynn]

Jody, just wanted to let you know again how sorry I am that you're dealing with this after many, many months of trying. I had a very similar experience just several weeks ago. I was about 5 weeks and started spotting lightly, then very heavily, then the worst cramps I've ever had in my life. Fortunately I only bled for several days, and within a week my levels were back down to 0.

I was give the okay to try again this week by the nurse, after of course waiting for a full cycle, my question is though, why must I wait for my period again? Is it just a timing issue (knowing exactly when you conceived) or is it a health issue? I know right now that I'm having EWCM and I could possibly conceive but I don't want to do anything that could end up in an unhealthy pregnancy again.

Thoughts anyone?

[jodylovesscotty]

Thank you all for your advice and well wishes. I went to the doctor this morning and they did a transvaginal ultrasound. The doctor said that everything cleared out which is good (he said the best kind you can have if you have any miscarriage). He told me to wait until I get my period again to try again. He said I can expect to get AF anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks. All day yesterday I cried my eyes out, but am much better today. I just have to keep reminding myself that our bodies have a weird way of knowing if something is right.

tealynn~ I don't know why your doctor would tell you go ahead right away because mine said wait until I get my regular period again. I will be curious to find out the answer as well.

I would like to join this thread as I think this one fits me the most now.

Name: Jody, 32
DH:Scott,32
Married: August 30, 2003
M/C: @ 5 weeks, June 2006
TTC: January 2005

[bellabonga]

Jody, I´m sorry that you have to join us. I have no real idea what you should expect after your ultrasound as I have had a d&c and no natural m/c. I only had one chemical pg but that was like a heavy AF and after that everything was as usual. At least your hcg-level should be down very soon, so maybe you will ovulate already in two weeks. And I´ve read sooo often that you are more fertile during the first months after a m/c. I´m crossing my fingers that this is true for all of us!

kerrykate, that must have been horrible to wait 3 months for your hcg to drop to 3! :eek: I´m having a bit of trouble with my slow-dropping hcg too and so hope it´ll be faster than that! Can you only get pregnant again when it reaches zero or which level do you have to reach for that?

ieducate, I´m crossing my fingers for you and am blowing lots of baby dust your way! :) I´ve never been on clomid so far but my friend has been. She had lots of pain in her ovaries too. And I´ve had them occasionally really badly even without clomid when I was ovulating. So you´re probably just hurting because you´re so fertile at the moment! ;) Hopefully your weekend gets better than expected.

tealynn, my doctor has told me that you should wait one cycle so that the mucous membrane in the uterus can build up again. But I have no clue whether that is only important if you´ve had a d&c.



I went to the obgyn again today first thing in the morning to get my hcg-level checked. And yay, it has dropped from 508 on tuesday to 270 today! :) So I can start the weekend without having to worry about getting another d&c! One of the obgyns felt the need to tell me that it was unneccessary and unwanted by them that I came in today instead of monday or tuesday but I don´t care about that. I´m much more relaxed now and that´s all that counts.

I had another talk to my pg friend today and again she said I should get over my m/c and not think about it anymore. And I shouldn´t search for possible reasons and get over it. So I am still kind of mad at her because I don´t think she has a right to tell me how long I can mourn my loss. Because I consider her behaviour to be pretty rude, I have decided I will keep my maternity clothes. Why should I upset myself further with risking to run into her while she is wearing the new clothes I had bought for my pregnancy? I will keep them and if they don´t fit the seasons of my next pregnancy, I will prefer to sell them on ebay instead of having her wearing them. I will offer her some of the things I wore with DD as a compromise. Thank you all for your input on this issue!

Soccer world championships started today and everyone in Germany goes totally crazy. Unfortunately DH too. I´m pretty p*ssed because he went to a local event to watch the opening game on a huge screen. I couldn´t go with him because I needed to stay with DD although I would have loved to go with him and get out a bit. He told me he would be back after that opening game (which would have been around 8.30pm). Now it´s 9.30pm and he just called and is totally wasted. Since he now said he wouldn´t be back before midnight, I begged him to change to water until he gets home but he couldn´t even promise that. So now he will get home totally wasted, wake me up with being noisy and then lie down next to me stinking like a whole pub! :mad: Okay, he didn´t do that for quite a long time but does it have to be now when I´m already not feeling that well? I wish I could at least take a long hot bath with a good book but the bleeding still hasn´t stopped entirely although today it´s been two weeks since my d&c. I soooo want a bath! :( And I want him to sleep on the couch...

Hope you all have a nice weekend!

[bellabonga]

Has anyone thought about using pre-seed to speed things up when you´re TTC? Or has anyone tried it yet? Is it worth the price? Do you have to tell your obgyn if you´ve used it? :o

[jodylovesscotty]

bellabonga~ I have used preseed in the past and only have one vial left so I need to order more. It doesn't really speed things up, just helps for dryness. For me it is worth the money only because I know it is sperm friendly and after days of BDing I know I need it.

[flygirl]

Bella, ditto what jody said: Pre-Seed doesn't help with sperm nurishment and travel, only to alleviate the pain of dryness. The only difference between it & most other lubes is that it doesn't kill off the sperm :). We use FemGlide (http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=81062&catid=682&trx=PLST-0-SEARCH&trxp1=682&trxp2=81062&trxp3=1&trxp4=0&btrx=BUY-PLST-0-SEARCH), another sperm-friendly lube that is much cheaper than Pre-seed. Sperm-friendly aside, it is the best lube we've every used!

And I'm sorry you're not feeling so well about your pg friend. It sucks, I know, and come here all you want to vent about it. But also try not to let it ruin your friendship. Even though she's been through it, everyone reacts differently, and she may be feeling very guilty for being pg while you're not.

Jody & tealynn, waiting time really depends on how far along you were, how long you bled during your m/c (ie how much of the lining was shed) and personal preference. The most important thing is to get your betas down to 2 or below, but if you m/c within 5-6 weeks it usually happens very quickly, as in a week or two. It's completely possible to fertilize & support an egg during this cycle and sustain it, just make sure your mentally prepared in case of another chem or m/c.

[polkadot]

i have used Preseed....i really liked it especially after 5 days of BDing in a row you need it...i think its worth the money... It didnt work for us...but tahts a whole other story ;)

[Melne11]

Thank God I found this thread. I've been writing IRL in my journal about my experience, but need somewhere to tell my story and recieve support. Hopefully this will do. I know this is long, and I appologize ahead of time, I just need to get it all out. Thanks.

I just had a missed miscarriage last week. DH and I wern't trying for a baby, we were pleasently suprised when I found out four or five weeks ago that I was pregnant. We were so excited we told EVERYONE that I was pregnant. People we work with, old friends all of our family, everyone knew.

I had some bleeding three weeks ago and went to the ER because my Dr.'s office wasn't open yet. I had an ultrasound and blood work done. The blood work said that my HGC levels weren't growing like they should be, and my Progestorone levels were too low. They put my on Prometrium. The ultrasound showed that my baby had a slow heartbeat, and there was bleeding in my uterus. I was sent home with the news that I had a fifty/fifty chance of miscarrying. I was in high spirits though, because even though it was a slow heartbeat, it was the first time they baby had one. It was still alive and growing, it had to be okay.

The following Friday I had an appointment for an ultrasound. My MIL came with me because my DH wasn't able to. The Dr wasn't in, but the sono tech said that the bleeding in my uterus was still there, and my baby's heartrate was still slow. We left with very little information, and we were told that Dr. would call me the next monday to let me know what her thoughts were on my sonogram. On Monday, Dr. called and said that she wasn't concerned so much with the bleeding in the uterus, but the heartrate. She said that when I was at the ER, the heartrate was 90. The previous Friday, it was 60. She was afraid that I would come in and the baby would have no heartbeat at all. I was schedualled for an ultrasound on Thursday. That was just this past week.
I went in on Thursday again with my MIL. The tech searched for what seemed like forever, but the baby had no heartbeat.

I was crushed. I couldn't do anything but cry. My MIL tried to say things that would help, but nothing did. Dr asked me what I wanted to do. She said I could wait and see if my body passes the tissue itself, or I could schedual a D&C. I just wanted to get it out. It sounds so horrible, but I didn't want it inside of me anymore that I had to. I was schedualed for a D&C the next day.
We had to go in at 6am. We were out of the hospital by 11am. And that's it.

It seems so anticlimatic. All of a sudden, poof, I'm not pregnant anymore. Where do I go from here? What do I do now? For the past five weeks I've watched what I ate, no chocolate, no Pepsi, no coffee-- I've read nothing but baby books, I was ready. And now what? Now I've got to tell everyone that I'm NOT pregnant. Most of our closest friends and family know. I'm going to go to work and be asked how I'm doing, and over and over again I've got to say I've lost my baby.

Physically I feel fine most of the time. Unless I'm too active, I don't feel any pain. It's almost like it didn't happen at all. A part of me feels like one of those crazy women who lie about being pregnant for attention. I never felt pregnant. I feel like it was a big lie, like I made it all up. It's all so surreal to me. I just don't know what to do next.

Emotionally I'm doing okay. I kind of knew when I talked to the Dr. on Monday that I was going to lose it, so I've been getting used to the idea. I went to a bridal shower on saturday. And I was holding up well, until there's about four pregnant women complaining about being pregnant. I got a little upset then, because they didn't know I was pregnant to begin with, and I obviously don't have any kids, and so I couldn't chime in when I wanted to, about the morning sickness etc. And at the same time I was mad-- how dare they complain. So many women would die to feel the misery that is pregnancy. They were clueless.

I just don't know how to move on from here. I don't feel like I'm okay just yet, but I don't know how else to grieve. I'm through with crying, I can't cry anymore, but I'm not over it yet. I don't know how to be okay.

[polkadot]

Mel~ I know exactly how you feel. I did the same thing in Jan. I had told everyone, bought all the books, some people had even bought me little things...and then bam...no baby. I never got to hear the heartbeat because I had a chemical pregnancy when the fertilized egg never really implants but you get positive tests. Ihope you find comfor there. I know I have. All the women here are great and even though we hate this sisterhood, thats really what it is. We even have a thread called TTC after loss...you may want to join that threrad too, if you an DH decide to TTC again soon. I wish you the best here even though no one wants to be here..I hope you get some comfort knowing you are not alone....((((husg))))

[jodylovesscotty]

Flygirl~ I ordered the femglide that you linked today. I have always used pre-seed before this. I looked it up and there were conflicting information on it, some say yes it is sperm friendly other sites say no. Does the info. in the box say that it is?

[ieducate]

Melne11, sorry you have to join us, but welcome and feel free to express yourself anytime. I know exactly how you feel, as I felt the same way. There is no "way" to heal from this really...it takes a lot of time, and I think it takes another pregnancy...a successful one. I had a m/c on April 20th and I am still not over it. I know that getting pg. is the only way I will feel okay with it, and even then I will always be upset that I lost the pg. in the first place. I would be 13 or 14 weeks pg. right now and I am nothing at the moment...nothing but hopeful that this cycle I am in now is THE one. I know what you mean about feeling like it never happened...I was six plus weeks when I had my m/c and all of a sudden I felt like none of it had ever really happened to begin with. I did have pg. symptoms for a while and I even had them after the baby was gone. My numbers took a long time to go down and my body still thought I was pg. What fun that was. :(

Anyway, my dh and I are TTC again and this has been an emotional rollercoaster for us. I started charting again too and boy what a drag that is. My chart is not detecting ovulation, even though I know I did and my temperatures are not going up as high as they normally do. I am hoping it is because my OB put me on progesterone this time and I started it on Friday, 48 hours after O. Has anyone here ever been on progesterone early in their cycle? The last time I was on it I was 5 weeks pg. and the OB thinks that it was too late at that point. That is why she started me earlier this time. I don't know how my body reacts to it, as I have never been on it before I knew I was pg. and I have only been pg. once. I know I ovulated this month because the pains were excrutiating and I got two positive OPK's last week. I just wish my temperatures were a bit higher...as it was easier to tell if I was pg. or not...the temperature always dropped to the 97 range the day I was going to get AF. The month (March) when it stayed above in the 98 range 16, 17, and 18 days after ovulation, I had a feeling that I was pg. This time I won't be able to tell at all. Unless of course my bbs start to hurt around the same time that they did last time...according to my chart. Here is my biggest problem right now though...I feel like I am willing my bbs to start hurting, etc. because I want it to mean that I am pg. Then I will be even more upset when my AF comes in two weeks. :( I guess I have to just wait and see. I can't do a pg. test until the 21st, according to the chart. :( It seems like so far away, even though it's less than two weeks. I hope that I am reporting great news on this site on that day. Please cross your fingers for me, and I will cross my fingers for all of you. :)

[bellabonga]

Jody, I thought pre-seed might speed things up because I read that it would support contraception. So I thought it would actually do something else than let the sperm alive. :p So far we´ve only used plain old vaseline and I got pregnant with it twice. So I´m not sure whether pre-seed is worth the money or not. I could buy pre-seed on Ebay.com but I don´t get Femglide here in Germany.

Flygirl, No, I won´t let my jealousy and her insensitive behavior ruin our friendship. We´ve been friends for 16 years now and always have had our issues now and then. She´s never been my closest friend. But still I´m disappointed by her right now. I can understand that she does not want to talk and think about m/c right now that she has finally an intact pregnancy. But then she could tell me that it scares her and we could stop talking about it alltogether. There´s no need to play cool, especially not after she was everything but cool after her chemical pregnancy and mourned for weeks. But I´m sure we´ll work this out or I´ll get over her behavior as time goes by. I´m not a resentful person.

Melne, I´m so sorry for your loss and I think you´ve found the right place to talk about it. At least for me it is a great help to come here (and to another m/c message board - if you want to have the link, send me a message) to talk about it. No one who hasn´t had this experience can really understand.
Just like you I´ve told everyone that I was pregnant. We did not plan to this time but as the days went by, we told one after the other. For most people we waited until I saw the heartbeat at the ultrasound (I was 6w4d). We felt on the safe side from then on because the chance of a m/c after the detection of a healthy heartbeat is only 5%. So I told everyone and made plans. I even bought some maternity clothes on Ebay.com and since I live in Germany I had to buy them early (it always takes 2-3 weeks until items from the USA arrive here). And then everything crushed and no heartbeat was found on my third ultrasound at 10w4d. :( What I did was that I called EVERYONE on that evening. I said over and over again "my baby is dead" while I was still in shock. But for me that was the best thing I could do. I couldn´t have stand it if they had called one after the other and asked how the baby was doing when there was no living baby anymore. I still fear that the day will come when my nosy neighbor (the only one I did not tell) will ask me why my belly isn´t growing at all. :(
What helped me to grieve? The first few days I occasionally broke down, lay in bed and cried. But after some days there were no tears left, there was only sadness. Just like you I had the feeling that it seemed my baby had never existed. What really helped me was that I bought a nice frame (white with a light blue teddy bear) and framed a beautiful ultrasound picture of my baby. It is from the day the doctor told me that it died but it is still beautiful. It is hanging side to side with a picture of my DD when she was a baby and I have decided to keep it there. This was my second baby and it will always be. And what helped me to grieve and cope was that we named our baby (Nathaniel). We still don´t know whether it was a boy or a girl and it is not sure whether we will get to know that at all. But I have a feeling that it was a boy. I don´t know if framing an ultrasound picture and naming the baby will help you but it really helped me. And after I did it, I read in various m/c threads that it helped others too.

ieducate, I was so sad to read that you would be 13 or 14 weeks by now. Our EDDs were really close - I would have been 13 wks now too. :( I´m crossing my fingers for you that the early progesterone works for you and that you´ll get a BFP. But I´ll warn you: I´ve had that before with the imagined symptoms. When we TTC after DD, I´ve had two or three cycles where I was sooo hopeful to get a BFP that I really felt my bbs were sore. And then I got a BFN and was sooo miserable! And with the BFN my bbs suddenly weren´t sore anymore too. So hope can really play a dirty trick on you. Both times I was pregnant were ironically cycles where I did not think I could be pregnant although AF was already late. So try not to look out for symptoms although I know that it is easier said than done. ;)

[numberlady]

Mel, You are definitely in the right place. I hope that you can find comfort "talking" to people that have gone through this. Most likely once your IRL friends find out that you had a m/c, you will find that many of them when through the same thing, I know that happened to me. And even though this is not something you would wish on anyone, for me I felt better talking to others online and IRL that went through it.

Like you, DH and I were not TTC and had an oops that resulted in pregnancy. Even though it was a few months earlier then we expected, the idea had really grown on us and we were so excited. We told everyone minus many people at work because I didn't want the whole company to know until I was further along.

I had a m/c at 7 weeks back in February and it has been really hard to deal with. Since we weren't trying at that time, we decided to wait a few more months until the original date we had planned on. This was the hardest decision for me, because I felt like the only thing that would make it better was to be pregnant right away. DH and I had many fights about this because he could not understand my need to be pg. and I would try to get him to agree to move the TTC date up and he didn't want to. Here we are in June, our "original" TTC date was May and has now been pushed back to October. I am less than thrilled because my due date was Sept 27 and I really want to be pg by the time my due date rolls around.

The hardest times for me know are during my period (because I bled for almost 3 weeks) and when I am ovulating. I always think about the m/c during those times. Most of the other times I am OK, of course I have medicated myself with shopping:rolleyes: , which is not such a good thing.

At the time of the m/c I just took care of myself and DH did the same. I took a day off work (which is rare for me), but it sucked. I lurked a lot in the pregnancy thread I was a member of and had a hard time with the realization that I was not one of them any more. I now try to stay out of that and other pregnancy threads because it just increases my desire to TTC.

I hope that you are able to get the support you need ((HUGS))

[ieducate]

Numberlady, I know exactly what you mean about being pg. again to help ease the pain of the m/c. My dh and I fight about this exact same thing all the time it seems. I want to be pg. more than anything in the world, but making it more of an issue is that I know it is the one and only thing that will truly help me deal with the m/c I had in April. I want so badly to be pg. that sometimes I think I create symptoms that aren't really there. I am trying so hard not to do that so that I do not find myself even more disappointed when I get a BFN next week. I am praying to every possible source that I get a BFP next week and that I can celebrate for the first time in a long time. I feel like we are doing everything possible to get pg. and I know I can get pg., now I just need to get pg. and figure out how to hold on to the baby. I am glad you are not on the pg. thread anymore...it really is too painful. Though dealing with the reality of a m/c is harder than anything, you will someday be on a pg. thread and it will be a joyous occasion for you. I send ((Hugs)) to you. :)

[jodylovesscotty]

I have another question. I talked to my friend who works in pediatrics for a well known hospital about my m/c. She said there was no reason except for emotional to wait a full cycle to start trying again, especially since I had a natural miscarriage. I would really like to start again right away. My doctor won't do any bloodwork to tell me if my numbers are down, but I would have to think they are because when I have been temping the last few days, the temps. are what they use to be pre-o. Am I correct in my thinking?

[Franni]

jody my ob/gyn told me that I could start right away after my natural m/c. I am not sure if the advice would be different if I had to do a d&C

pg to heal m/c I totally hear you ieducate, mel, numberlady about wanting to pg to heal m/c. It was hard to wait.

[Sebski]

I've been lurking here since the w/e but decided to join... I had a natural miscarriage last Weds @ 5w1d. I still can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore. I didn't fully embrace the pregnancy because I got a very late BFP but I miss it so very much. I got my BFP after AF was 5 days late and knew that wasn't a good sign because my BF had miscarried after such a late BFP herself. I bled pretty heavily for the first 4 days but then it started tapering off on Sunday and it was virtually gone yesterday. My doctor said that we can try right away but my girlfriend who miscarried last winter (at 7w) said that she was told to wait a full cycle. I don't know what to do though... DH is fine w/ TTC again so soon but I'm scared. What if I miscarry again? It's such a frightening thought to me.

I honestly don't know how often I will pop into this thread because I'm having a hard time visiting the boards since the miscarriage. I made the mistake of joining the Feb 2007 mom's group and it hurts so much to come to the family planning groups right now.

Anyway, here are my stats...

Name: Sebski, 30
Married: Oct 2002
M/C: @ 5w1d, June 2006
TTC: May 2005

[littlemia]

What were we saying a few weeks back about 1 step forward, 4 steps back? I definitely feel like that the last few days. This has been much harder than I thought it would be. Not that I thought it would be easy, but I always figured that it would happen at some point in my life and I thought I would be prepared. While I was pregnant I qualified every statement with "if I get that far" and I didn't buy any baby things, think seriously about baby names, or any of that stuff. I thought if I could stay detached it would protect me. But it didn't help at all. Staying detached from a wanted pregnancy is not that easy and once the symptoms start it's impossible not to think all the time about the fact you're pregnant.

It's amazing how your brain and emotions don't work all that well together a lot of the time. After all, I know that rationally having a miscarriage is a fairly common occurrence and that the chances are good that I'll get pregnant again and go on to have a healthy child and everything will be okay so I shouldn't worry, right? :rolleyes: It doesn't matter how many times I try to tell myself that, it doesn't help.


ieducate, good luck this month. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

polkadot, I'm sorry that you got bad news about your DH. Hopefully they can repair everything and you will be able to try again soon.

bella, we did go on our trip and had a pretty good time although the weather was quite poor. I knew May would be a little iffy weather-wise, but I was hoping to at least get a few good days- we only got one. I know things must be pretty crazy there right now. Do you live in a host city? I'm in the Orlando area and we hosted a few of the opening matches in the '94 World Cup. I went downtown one night and it was pretty wild seeing all of the fans. At one time I looked up and was under a huge Mexican flag and I looked over and saw my friend wearing wooden shoes. Then we got stranded at the hotel with the Moroccon team. Good times. Hopefully you and your DH can get out for a bit if you're up to it.

ag05, how are you doing? I can't imagine how hard going through 4 m/c must be. Is your DH still against doing IVF? I know IVF is scary, but going through a m/c is really scary too and if it improves your chances of carrying a baby to term, I hope he will consider it.

purplesunshine7, were you able to get any answers about why you m/c? I think I remember you saying they were running some tests. I hope work is going better for you.

Sebski and Melne11,I'm really sorry.

I know how hard it is to go to this thread through "All things Family." Every once in a while I accidentally click on the wrong link and go to the Pregnancy Groups. Or I hit new posts and find that most of them are pregnancy or baby related. :( If you subscribe to this thread you can go directly into the thread and bypass all of the pregnancy/baby sections.

[littlemia]

Regarding how long to wait to TTC: I think you'll find a lot disagreement among doctors. There haven't been a ton of studies done, but I found a few that support the idea that getting pregnant again right away is fine. In my searching I did see one article that correlated a higher risk of miscarriage after a short interpregnancy interval following an induced abortions (however, that doesn't really apply to us) and another article that correlated a higher risk of neural tube defects with a short interpregnancy interval (although the risk was highest with a short interval following a live birth).

All of these abstracts can be found on PubMed (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=PubMed). To get the complete article, contact your local library.

J Perinat Med. 1994;22(3):235-41.

Relevance of the miscarriage-new pregnancy interval.

Wyss P, Biedermann K, Huch A.

Clinic and Policlinic of Obstetrics, University Hospital of Zurich, Switzerland.

There is a wide divergence of opinion concerning the interval a woman should wait after a miscarriage before attempting a new pregnancy ("pregnancy interval"). Many authors recommend waiting 3-4 months in order to reduce the risk of another miscarriage [3, 6, 17, 21]. This retrospective study investigated whether a longer pregnancy interval lowers the risk of repeat miscarriage (R-risk) and/or prematurity. The association between parity and R-risk was also analyzed. Results showed that there are no proven reasons to recommend a waiting period between a miscarriage and a subsequent pregnancy, because the R-risk was around 20% irrespective of interval duration. Prematurity too is not influenced by a waiting period after miscarriage. There was, however, an association between parity and R-risk and risk of prematurity: nulliparae were more likely to have a repeat miscarriage (p < 0.05) or a preterm delivery in the next pregnancy (p < 0.05) than women who had already given birth to a child.

Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2002 Jun;186(6):1230-4; discussion 1234-6.

Neonatal outcomes in immediate versus delayed conceptions after spontaneous abortion: a retrospective case series.

Goldstein RR, Croughan MS, Robertson PA.

Department of Family and Community Medicine, University of California, San Francisco, USA.

OBJECTIVE: This study was undertaken to determine differences in neonatal outcomes between successful pregnancies conceived immediately after a spontaneous abortion (SAB) and successful pregnancies conceived after two menstrual cycles or at least 100 days from the spontaneous abortion. STUDY DESIGN: This study was a retrospective case series. Deliveries were identified from the University of California-San Francisco Perinatal Database among patients with a history of one SAB. Medical records of 268 patients were reviewed. Sixty-four patients fulfilled study criteria, with 19 in the immediate conception group and 45 in the delayed conception group. Categorical variables were analyzed using chi(2) tests and Fisher exact tests for variables with expected values of <5, whereas continuous variables were analyzed using Student t tests. RESULTS: Neonatal outcomes for the 2 groups were similar, although neonates in the delayed conception group were more likely to have at least one of the following: low birth weight, an Apgar score <7 at 5 minutes, or admission to the neonatal intensive care unit. CONCLUSION: In this small retrospective case series, there was no evidence of adverse neonatal outcomes associated with conception immediately after a SAB.

The above article is also referenced in this (http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0CYD/is_22_36/ai_94158757) article.

The following article deals with waiting for psychological purposes. I saw a few others that appear to support those conclusions. I know my midwife said to wait a bit to heal emotionally but I'm not sure waiting is the best course of action for me.

J Psychosom Obstet Gynaecol. 1996 Sep;17(3):168-74.

Pregnancy following miscarriage: course of grief and some determining factors.

Cuisinier M, Janssen H, de Graauw C, Bakker S, Hoogduin C.

Department of Clinical Psychology, University of Nijmegen, The Netherlands.

This prospective study aimed to investigate the impact of both (the speediness of) a subsequent pregnancy and the birth of a viable child on grief arising from a previous pregnancy loss. Data were collected from a series of written questionnaires. Of the 2140 pregnant women who participated in the study, 227 lost a baby by miscarriage (85%) or perinatal death (15%). In 221 women, the loss concerned a singleton. At each of four post-loss assessments, these women completed the Perinatal Grief Scale. They also indicated whether they had conceived again and, if they had, related how they felt about that. Data were analyzed by means of hierarchical multiple regression. Both conceiving again and the birth of a living child lessened grief. A speedy new pregnancy was only rarely found to be detrimental. It is suggested that parents, at least following miscarriage, no longer be advised to wait a specific time before conceiving again. Preferably their individual situation should be discussed with them in order to help them make their own informed decision concerning the subsequent pregnancy.

[jeggink]

I am sorry to see so many new faces :(. Hugs to all!

I have gotten my round of blood testing last week to find out if there is a reason for the 2 m/c and have not heard back yet, which I guess is probably a good sign that nothing was positive, but will call soon to see what the results were.

I was cleared to start TTC'ing again if we wish as long as the test results come back OK. I have AF now and we may go ahead and TTC this cycle, but we aren't sure. I am not sure if I can handle the stress of losing another pg so soon again.

I wish everyone here the best of luck and that you all have healthy pg's in the very near future!!!

[wasabi_green_peas]

My heart just breaks reading the posts from the newest members: ag05, bellabonga, kerrykate, jodtlovesscotty, tealynn, melne11 and sebski I am so sorry you had to join this thread. I have nothing to say that will take away your pain. It hurts so much. I am grateful to have a place to read and post. ((( )))

I haven't been here in a while --- sorry if this gets long. Quite frankly, Mother's Day and my getting my period really sent me for a loop. I felt depressed and quite useless and truly felt that I was bringing the thread down. A few weeks ago, my cousin (who wasn't even trying and never wanted kids) gave birth to the most beautiful twin girls. I was a bit jealous, but once I saw how truly happy she was my feelings dissipated a bit. Not less than a day later, my sister-in-law delivered her son. Now, as a bit of a background, we have never been super close. In fact, she and I have had a few issues. To oversimplify, she is married to the baby of the family (My H's brother is 31!) and they are constantly getting things given to them. It's hard to take sometimes being that I've been a part of this family for 16 years and have 'been there' for them a million times. As bad as it sounds, I was not looking forward to going to the hospital and 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over my new nephew. :(

Well, her son took an immediate turn for the worse and I immediately felt a TON of guilt. Intellectually, I knew I had nothing to do with the situation, but emotionally somehow I felt my jealousy was causing this poor little guy pain. It (jealousy) is an emotion that I am least proud of. I can't tell you how hard I prayed. My nephew was transferred to another hospital where he received transfusions and scads of testing - a spinal tap :( , MRIs, EKGs, EEGs, Cat scans. Thankfully, after two weeks in the NICU, he was discharged. He is a very healthy baby, but they cautioned that there may be some developmental issues, so I'm still praying.

In a weird way, being at the hospital every day for weeks led me toward a lot of healing. Being able to be there for his family also let me 'make up' for my underlying jealousy. There are still some hurt feelings and mixed emotions, but I think it set off a feeling of calm. It's hard to explain.

This past weekend was a huge 40th family reunion. I was dreading going because I desperately wanted to avoid, "When are you guys having kids?" and "How old are you again?". I was sad because my period was due on Monday and I was quite certain I wasn't pregnant. I tested anyway. And it was positive. :eek: I am pregnant again.

I am very happy, but I can't tell you how scared I am. And a teeny bit sad as well. I know I won't get as over-the-moon content and happy with this one because of the knowledge that it might not take. This is my third pregnancy without a baby to show for it. The first time I was so early (~5.5 weeks) that I figured it was 'Nature's cruel way', but it was a fluke. The last one was a missed miscarriage and I felt pregnant for days after the D&C --- my body never let me know for a second and it makes me scared to trust it again.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

I want to wish everyone TTC strong and powerful **baby dust**, and [those who are still in the healing phase lots of love, strength and peace of mind. Take care.

[jodylovesscotty]

wasabi_green_peas~ Congratulations! I hope that you have a healthy and happy 9 months, you deserve it!:)

[HEW?B]

It feels really strange to be joining this thread but you all seem so helpful and I think that I need a place to express what I have been going through. My stats are a bit funny
Name: Hew?B, 29
Will be Married: Oct 2006
M/C: @ 6w2d, June 2006
TTC: Oct 2006

My FI and I were not yet in the process of TTC when we had a surprise pregnancy. We are both counting the seconds until we can have kids so while we were a bit shaken by the fact that our wedding is not until Oct, we were also THRILLED. We already live together and have great jobs and insurance and that stuff so we and all of our families were just as excited as could be. All of that of course ended when I had a miscarriage that began last Monday. I have had a natural miscarriage and my beta levels are doing what they are supposed to be doing but I am still just sort of shaken by this whole experience. I am soooo sad and just "want a baby back in my tummy." FI and I have decided to to start TTC until after our wedding in Oct, but I am still just feeling pretty down about all of this. Also, I think FI is having kind of a hard time with it. He has been more moody that I have been. That has made it sort of tough for me because I feel like I have been trying to take care of him rather than deal with my own emotions about it. I was wondering is others could share stories about how the men in their lives have dealt with this loss. I want to be as supportive of his as possible but at the same time feel a bit frustrated that he has not really understood what I am going through as well.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry you ahve to join this thread HEW?B. I found it very comforting and hope you do too.

Congratulations wasabi green peas I know how you feel about not completely relaxing and enjoying it.

[polkadot]

Congrats wasabi green peas ...H&H 9 months to you!!

[ag05]

wasabi_green_peas - Congratulations!

Sebski, Melne, HEW?B - I am so sorry.

littlemia - Thanks. I am doing okay. When I talked to DH further, he said okay about the IVF with the stipulation that he would like to wait until next year. He is gonna go with me to the RE for a consultation next month or so. Then we can kind of think it over some more. Its progress, at least.

[purplesunshine7]

sorry I've been MIA, My computer boke and now I am working 90 hr. this week this will be a drive by I will check in with you all as soon as my computer is fixed. but just to update, mjy doctor hasn't called me yet with test results it has been 3 weeks I 'll give her one more week then I will call her. I hope you feel better soon sorry all new members have to be here.

[bellabonga]

Jody, I have heard two reasons why you should wait one cycle: First you can determine an EDD and second your mucous membrane can heal. But maybe that isn´t necessary when you´ve had a natural m/c without a d&c.

sebski, I´m sorry that you have to join us. I know what you mean about having participated in one of the mommy2b threads. I always hope that the newest post in the pregnancy groups isn´t in the Dec2006 thread I belonged to. It shouldn´t matter but it makes me so sad just to see the title. :(

littlemia, I´m sorry that the German weather was so awful when you came to visit! You can be lucky in May but this May really sucked. We had about a week with great weather and temperatures in the high 80s or low 90s at the beginning of May but after that it got really cold. At the moment it´s good again - sunny with some clouds and up somewhere in the 80s.
I don´t live in a host city but very close to both Gelsenkirchen and Dortmund where the games take place. The US team has slept in a hotel in my city and we could have watched their training for free. Same with Czech Republic, Portugal and some other teams who slept and played in the area.
I´m envious that you live in Orlando! But at least we´re going to be there in October again. We just booked our vacation yesterday and while we´re in Florida, we´ll stay 4 nights in Orlando again. I´m determinded to make that boat trip on the lake in Winter Park this time. We always wanted to do it but never came around to it.
I hear you on clicking on the wrong subject in Family Planning. I can´t stand to click on the pregnancy topics at the moment. But although it gave me a hard time, I went back and copied the posts I had made in the Dec2006 thread and moved them to my journal. Maybe later I´ll be glad to be able read them again.

wasabi, congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope you´ll have a happy and healthy 9-months-pregnancy! And all the best for your SIL´s son.

hew?b, I´m sorry you have to join us. But at least this is a very helpful place to be.
I think men deal very differently with the loss. My DH cried so hard like I have never seen it before in the 15 years we know each other. He did not nearly cry so hard when his mother died. But after that he seemed to be okay with the loss and since then has a "life goes on" mentality. All he wanted was normality back and he didn´t bring up the subject on his own. So I think he is glad that I stopped talking about the m/c some days ago. I think that it did not hit him as hard as me because he did not have the baby in his body. He did not even see it once on the ultrasound while I saw it twice alive and twice dead. He did not have the feeling of having a dead baby in his belly and he did not have to go through a d&c. So I think it´s naturally that my bond was closer and that it hit me even harder than him. But the upside was that he could be supportive since he felt better than me. I´m sorry that this isn´t the case for you. Maybe you have a close friend that could comfort you instead?

[flygirl]

ag05, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, and feel you're making progress. I hope your RE appt. goes well.

Congrats, Wasabi!!

jeggink, I wish you the best of luck!

Hew?B, I am so very sorry. I, too, can relate perfectly to just wanting to get pg again. I felt like nothing else would take away the pain and knowing I couldn't be pg made it so very difficult. I wish I had a helpful story to share about DH's reaction, but the best I can say is that it caused a lot of tension. He left for work (international flying) soon after so we essentially dealt with it alone & by email or Skype.

Sebski, more (((hugs))). Coming back here was harder than I could have imagined. I spent so much time exploring TTC and comparing & interpreting charts during the previous 7 months, and I had just created the July Moms thread. In fact, I had trouble just being on the boards in general. This thread is always difficult to read, but the support here is oh so important to everyone.


As for me, my would-be due date is 2 weeks away and I can feel it haunting me. At times l actually feel nauseated. By one perspective it feels like it was just a month or two ago. But so much has happened in my life since then, and by that perspective it feels like ages ago. I mentioned it to my dad about a week ago and he responded with, "Don't think about it." :rolleyes: I intend to let him know what it means to me. I met a new friend just this past Friday & mentioned the m/c. I have never received a better response from anyone. She did an excellent job of recognizing how painful it could be, how it stays with you forever, yet she acknowledged she could never really understand it. I told her flat-out that it was the absolute best response she could have given & that I was extremely greatful. I'm feeling a catch in my throat thinking about it.

[jodylovesscotty]

flygirl~ I am sorry that you even have to think about when your baby would have been due. I hope that you will blessed by a baby soon! I also wanted to thank you for your recommendation of Femglide. We bought some and used it, my husband loves it!!!!

We decided to go ahead and ttc again. I don't know if it is going to do any good, since from what I read some people ovulate before their first cycle and others don't. I went ahead and rescheduled my RE appointment for June 26 (I had cancelled it when we got pregnant). He wanted to get me in by the end of June so that we can have a game plan for July! I am hoping that getting pregnant again won't take as long as the first time (a year and 1/2).

[ieducate]

I am an absolute mess and my marriage is taking the toll. AGH...I am irritable all the time and I am focused on nothing other than getting pg. I am miserable. I am two days away from when I should get AF and I did an HPT this morning and it was negative. I used one that detects it early. I am sick of waiting. I need that BFP more than anything right now. The hardest thing has actually been my emotions. I have been on progesterone since 48 hours after O and I swear it is making me an emotional wreck. I feel on edge all the time. Has anyone else felt that way when on progesterone? Sources say that progesterone can also affect your temperatures and so I have no idea why my ob didn't tell me to take the month off from charting temps if that is true. If my temperature won't end up dropping on the day my AF is due, then I won't really be able to tell anything from the chart. I am going to test tomorrow and Wednesday (because I am very inpatient) and then if my AF doesn't come by Thursday I will call my dr. I have read that the AF doesn't come if you are on progesterone...which means I will of course think I am pg. for sure when in reality I am not. :( What a mess this whole process is. I am still having a very difficult time with the m/c and I thought that getting pg. this month would help ease that. I am feeling a time crunch for some reason and I just want to be pg. RIGHT NOW. My dh and I are fighting all the time and I know it is me, not him. I know that he has not been any different, but he seems more annoying than usual. :) I love my dh so very much, but this has been the hardest year of my life it seems. I just want to be pg. and happy. I want for both of us to be building a future for our family and for me to stop harping on the past. I need to get over this and for some reason I can't. I think of nothing but getting pg. all the time. :( Anyway, three more days of work before summer break and I couldn't need more. I had a great class of kids this year, but being around kids has only made it more difficult. I just need a break from responsibility for a while. I will sign off now, as I am feeling overwhelmed as usual and don't want to break down again. I hope everyone is well and hope and pray that we all have the BFP when we are ready for it. For me, I hope and pray that it comes for me tomorrow or Wednesday and that this pain will slowly disappear...I am not sure I can take it anymore.

[bellabonga]

ieducate, I´m sorry that you feel so much pressure on you. I have no idea whether the progesterone might cause some of your tension. I´ve only taken monk´s pepper tree to increase my progesterone level and that didn´t make me feel this way.
I hope you don´t get it the wrong way, but I think it´s dangerous to rely solely on a new pregnancy for your happiness. This way you are putting so much pressure on yourself and your DH that you will feel only worse if you get a BFN. I still get sad every day but I try to focus on the good things too. Maybe some quality time with your DH would give you that perspective back. Is is possible that you go on a vacation to get something else on your mind than m/c and pregnancy? Maybe a weekend trip would already help. I hope I didn´t step on your toes but you really do sound as if you are too focused on the BFP to cope with it if it doesn´t come soon. But I´m crossing my fingers for you that you will get a BFP this week! :)



I hope we´ll be able to TTC in July. Today I have to take the last BCP and so hopefully AF comes within the next days. Great, I´ve just stopped spotting yesterday from the d&c. :rolleyes: So hopefully I will ovulate in 16-18 days. I hope that my hcg will be zero by then. On friday it was 96 and now I was told to come in around the 29th for another blood test. I was also told to come in for an examination after AF. Maybe I can time that appointment around my ovulation date so that my obgyn can tell me more or less precisely when it will be. Next month we won´t be able to BD a lot since DH has to have knee surgery on friday. He will have to wear a splint for 6 weeks after the surgery and so won´t be very active. ;) I hope we can even remember how it is done - the last time we had sex was at the beginning of April! :eek:

[wasabi_green_peas]

Thank you all for the well wishes. I am trying to be happy and let it be at that for the time being.

HEW B? I'm sorry you are joining this group. In some ways, I think having to focus on something helps. I had just finished the planning phase of gutting my kitchen when I miscarried the last time. Having to deal with the contractors, etc. was overwhelming at the time, but I literally had no choice but to keep going. Good luck with your wedding planning! It's an exciting time!

As for my H's feelings about the m/c. My H was really upset, but went into 'take care of Jenn' overdrive. He made the D&C appointment. He tried to look out for me. He's not big into feelings per se, but would sometimes get moody. I think it's hard for them because the world doesn't really want to hear about sad things like miscarriages, and it definitely doesn't allow men to carry on about it. Some of the people that knew would often ask him how *I* was doing. I know he was shocked and very appreciative when someone asked him how he was doing. (I think he muttered a "fine", but was impressed that someone would ask.)

Jodylovesscotty, I love your doggie/goldfish picture (Is it an avatar or are avatars only the cartoon figures?)! Dalmations are one of my favorites! I am so glad your RE is so proactive and wants to have a game plan for July. I wish you nothing but swift success. ((( )))

Flygirl, ((( ))) I'm sorry about your due date looming. This process never gets easier, does it? When my first due date rolled around, I went out and drank too much (not the healthiest, I admit). I didn't even realize the time frame until I looked at the calendar. It's like my body/subconscious remembered, but I was trying not to. (Doesn't work). Be good to yourself! Also, there is a woman in my office who has almost the same due date as I would have had this time and it is a daily reminder for me. I try to just smile, but it hurts. And I agree that your new friend's response was wonderful. I mostly get people who gloss over/don't want to acknowledge that m/c even exist. :rolleyes:

Bellabonga, I am thrilled that your plan is coming together, too. I am really impressed with the level of care you received. I got one follow-up visit in which they did not even check my blood levels. As I walked out the door, my doctor shouted, "Hopefully I'll see you pg again in a few months!" Ummmm...how sensitive. I hope your H's surgery goes well and that he's not in too much pain. (I also wanted to tell you how much I love Germany and miss it so much! I lived in Schleswig Holstein for a year. Beautiful country.)

ieducate, I wish I had some words of comfort and solace. This has been a really hard journey and a truly awful patch. The feeling of 'just wanting to be pg again" is 100% understandable, and I hope you get your bfp in a few days. I think you need to look out for yourself, too. I know it was good for me to talk to someone about the miscarriage to help grieve and process things. I also stepped *away* from the boards (maybe checking every few days not several times a day) because I felt like it just created a bigger sense of failure and longing. It created a tunnel vision. I am only telling you about myself because as I mentioned in the previous post, I was getting more and more down, too. Sometimes you just have to let go. ((( )))

Take care everyone.

[flygirl]

Hey guys. We're working on closing threads that are over 1000 posts & opening new ones. I've been reluctant to do it with this thread because it is so emotional, and there is such good information in here, I'd hate for it to be burried. So I thought we could start a new thread but merge the last few months. I'll start it with a new username; whomever would like to take over as threadmistress, please IM me & I'll give you the new info.

[flygirl]

This thread is closed.

Please visit our New Support Thread (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=21130).

The posts in the new thread begin with March 31, 2006.