Support For Ladies Who Have Miscarried

[polkadot]

yes...i guess i do need to bring it up at my next appt. that my Lp seems shorter...and yes it is defintley AF with cramps and all...

I have to wait another cycle to see the doctor...so i guess i will just have to wait it out...this sucks

[Sand]

I'm so sorry polkadot. You get a big hug from me. :(

Happy, it wont hurt to ask. I feel awful that you have to go through this. I m/c'd naturally so I have no words of wisdom, just sending you strength.

I'm still waiting for my 1st cycle post m/c. Its the waiting that makes it all SO hard! I cant even think about trying again until that shows up and to be honest, i'm scared to. Anyone else feel this way?

[Franni]

polkadot oh RATS!!!! I think I am in the same boat. AF didn't show up yet, but I got a BFN. my LP was also super short the first cycle after m/c. I thought I used to have a 13 day, but last month, it was only 9-10 days. I started spotting on the 8th day.

[Mrs-Mac]

Morning.
Thanks for all the words of understanding about my rough weekend. It really helps to have people understand so I don't feel so crazy about how I feel sometimes! :)


polkadot I remember my first cycle post the m/c was very short also (like 3 weeks). Cycles after that went to about 5 weeks. I wasn't charting right after the m/c so I'm not sure if I O'd or not, but I know it was much shorter.

Sand I was very nervous to start trying again. I wasn't sure that I wanted to right away at first. But time does heal and by the time my cycles were somewhat back to normal, I was ready emotionally to start trying. Hugs!

happy I agree, it can't hurt to ask the dr about an ultrasound. I did have a d&c. My expeience was similar to jeggink and pacificbliss. I got to the hospital at like 6am. I was home around noon or 1. Most of the day was a lot of waiting around. My DH was with me most of the day (until I finally went to the OR). I was pretty emotional most of the day, all of the nurses and doctors were very kind. I was wheeled into a VERY cold OR. They just kept putting blankets on me, but it didn't seem to help. I had to stay awake until the doctor came in. I then woke up in a "recovery" area. Then headed back to where my DH was waiting. I had to stay for a little while so they could make sure I was okay and then we headed home. The one thing that was surprising and upseting was that I had a cathadar. I didn't realize I would have one and I remember wishing that someone would have told me. Recovery was very easy. By the next day, I was feeling pretty normal physically. Bleeding stopped about 5 days later.

I need to get going. I will update later.

[Mrs-Mac]

bunnybeth Hope everything goes well at your appt!!

Dana I'm so sorry to hear about the waiting again. I hope you find peace soon.

I had my ultrasound yesterday. Everything was PERFECT. I am so relieved. This was the first time I was able to see a little baby and its beating heart (the last time there was no baby). It was amazing. I know I'm not "out of the woods" yet, but its a big step. My next appt is in 3 weeks. If everything is okay then, we'll start telling everyone. We did tell our parents last night. They are thrilled. Anyway, I wanted to share the news.

[Bloomwood]

sand - I saw you posted in here and just wanted to give you my sympathies. Sounds like you were farther along than I was when I m/c'd but the pain is the same. I hope your experience is close to mine - I got pg again 3 weeks after my m/c and never had AF visit. (btw - pgcy after m/c is a whole other set of stresses. I had no confidence my body would cooperate until, oh maybe, a month ago...and I'm 32 weeks now).

I hope this thread has many graduates SOON.

My very best to each of you.

[jeggink]

Polkadot So sorry about AF, especially getting it early :(.

Mrs-Mac So happy to hear everything looks good!

Franni How are things going?

Sand Yup, I didn't want to try right away either, things still to fresh. Once you get AF I feet a little relieved that it came and that this was a fresh new cycle with lots of possibility!

Happy By all means, ask for an u/s. I had one the day before the D&C so I knew for sure.

[Franni]

Jeggink still in limbo...thanks for asking. I got a BFN a few days ago. Still no AF. My ovulation was probably screwed up because of the traveling that I did around that time.

[pacificbliss]

I will try to catch-up...so sorry if I miss someone.

Franni good luck! I am waiting too. I sort of feel like AF is coming. I was also travelling when I think I o'd.

polkadot Sorry about AF. Things can be a little squirrely for a while after a m/c.

Mrs-Mac Congratulations!

happy I would ask for an u/s. Looking back I kind of wish I had an u/s or one last blood test.

Dana How are you?

[happy]

Well, I had the D&C yesterday. I was so fast. I got to the hospital at 6:30 and we were home at 9:30. I was exhausted and pretty crampy but other than that everything went pretty smoothly. I did have an ultrasound on Wednesday before the procedure just to make sure everything looked the same. Everything was exactly the same with the baby, which did make me feel better. They did find a pretty big cyst on my ovary, which I will have to talk more about with my Doc when I see her again in two weeks. I am starting to feel better that this is starting to be behind us so that we can move on. I have not decided if I will chart again or not. I am really glad that I did the D&C instead of waiting to miscarry naturally. It just seems like it was a lot easier emotionally for both of us. So now we are just waiting again until we can start trying. Sorry no SO’s today. I have to run and clean the house during the precious few min of naptime that are left today.

[Sand]

Aw Happy, I'm glad you are feeling a little better and able to think to the future. I would imagine getting the D+C would be easier on the emotions than having to wait, but I cant say from experience. Just sending you some hugs and thoughts today.

Jeggink, I finally got the curse yesterday which puts my mind in at whole other side than its been on. I was waiting thinking there is nothing I can do about it now... but now its nervewracking thinking about starting it all over again. I hope I can get over it soon! I'm getting pressure from the DH. :\

Bloom, Thanks for the support, I need to catch up on you.

Mrs Mac, VERY happy for you!! :D Positive thoughts!!!

For the other ladies (do you hate that word/prefer girls?) how are you all?

[pacificbliss]

Happy I think it's good that part is over and you can now get on to healing and looking forward. hugs

For me, AF came yesterday. I am trying not to get too upset or dwell on it too much. I feel like my due date is coming up so fast and am worried I might not be pg again by then.

[Lilla]

Mrs-Mac So happy for you!!

happy I'm glad to hear that you are now in the process of healing and moving on. Glad you are happy with your decision to have the procedure done.

pacificbliss Sorry about AF. :( (((hugs)))



And to add a little happy news to this thread, DH and I went to my u/s yesterday and I'm happy to report that we indeed saw a little heartbeat flickering away on the screen. :D What a relief! I was measuring exactly right on and everything else looked perfect. I'm happy to have made it this far with the pregnancy - it's further than my last one ever progressed. Keeping my fingers crossed that things keep going well.

[polkadot]

Happy- i am so glad that you are able to move on and happy with the decisions you have made. Good luck to you in the future

Lila- Congrats on seeing the h/c that must be the most amazing thing ever....

as for me...i atleast now have a plan...yesterday i went to the dr. after finishing the owrse period ever...i felt like my insides would fall out at any moment. After discussing this and the fact that i am not PG yet (10 months of TTC) he wants to do bloodowork on day 3 & 21 of next cycle and if that turns out ok...we may have to look into me possibly having endo :rolleyes:

not what i wanted to here but at least there is a plan....

[Kari331]

I hope you do not mind me asking this question in your forum. My good friend recently miscarried twins at 10 weeks. She says she is fine and doesn't need anything (a dinner made for her, a card, etc). I know this is her way of dealing with grief and I do not want to push this. However, I really want to and feel like I should give her something- maybe just a card saying I am thinking of her? Maybe a gift certificate for something nice- a dinner out with her husband, a gift certificate to a salon? What do you think? Is there something you would have appreciated? Would you rather have been left alone? Thanks.

[katmg]

Kari - You're sweet to want to do something for your friend. For me, a card would have been really appreciated - I didn't receive any and it would have been nice to have those that knew, acknowledge the loss in some way.

[Jenzen01]

Kari,

My cousin just lost her baby at 16 weeks, and I ended up getting her chocolate-covered espresso beans, which she loves. I tried to think of something that was a treat for her ... some type of little extravagance that was for her and nobody else.

She said she got too many flowers, and it made her house feel like a funeral home.

When I miscarried, I really appreciated getting a card.

Jen

[bunnybeth]

Mrs-Mac and Lilla Glad to hear your appointments went so well.

happy That's good that your D&C went so smoothly. Hopefully that will help your recovery.

polka At least you now have a plan of action to focus on. Hopefully that'll help you get pg faster now.

Kari I would have appreciated a card, I think. Just a little something to let your friend know you're there for her.

1 full week with no spotting for me. :) I'm getting nervous as my 10 week appt is coming up, but trying to stay positive. Sometimes getting past 12 weeks just seems so far away, but I know it's got to reach that point sooner or later.

[Lilla]

Kari I got a few cards from family/friends. I really appreciated those. It was nice to know that someone had me in their thoughts. I didn't want to talk to anyone for quite a while after my m/c, so cards fit the bill just right.

bunnybeth YAY for a whole week with no spotting! Sending more no spotting vibes to you!

[Franni]

Kare You know your cousin so you would be the best judge as to how she prefers to deal with stress. Personally, I would prefer to "hide and heal" than to really talk about it IRL. So take her lead. Maybe a call just to let her know that you are there for her.

bunnybeth YAY!!! That's so great.

I need opinions I decided to be a charting rebel this month and not do temps (Actually my thermometer broke and I was abroad and couldn't find another one for the first 2 weeks of my cycle, so I decided to just not get a new thermometer until the next cycle). Now I am at CD38, no AF and a BFN 6 days ago. I am not sure what to do. I am not sure if I am annovulatory this month. I have cm all throughout my cycle, so I had thought I o'ed but I might not have. I have no real pg symptoms (sore bb's and nauseous sometimes, but I can just be imagining/willing myself to have them). With my last pg, I never had sore bbs and didn't have nausea until my 6th week. So what do you think I should do? Just wait? Till when? HPTs again? I am shying away from HPT because of my BFN. I was just so disappointed the last time that I didn't want to do it unless I know that my chances are good. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Any thoughts appreciated. TIA.

[jeggink]

Franni How are things going?

Kari331 I didn't get anything from anyone. A card would have been apprciated, but anything else would not have been necessary.

bunnybeth yeah for no spotting! I also have not had any spotting since my BFP and what a wonderful feeling it is!

polkadot Glad you got a drs appt and I hope they can help out!

Lilla Woohooo for the HB!

pacificbliss sorry you got AF!

Sand It is very nerveracking starting again. The thoughts go through your head, well, what if I am not pg, but then, what if I am!! I guess it isn't easy on either side of the table!

So, 1.5 weeks before my 1st ultrasound. Very nervous about it, but trying to takse things one step at a time. Since with the previous pg we saw the HB and then lost him (I think it was a him), the ultrasound probably won't help me to much. I think hearing the HB on the doplar will be the most help. Only 5 weeks to go for that!

[jeggink]

Franni hehe, we must have x-posted. I had something similar happen, although I was charting. here it is http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c595. Anyway, I swore I was getting AF and even had a lot of spotting. I took a test at 10 DPO which is when I got my + with DS, but got a BFN. I took an HPT 4 days later and finally got my BFP. How long has you longest cycle been. If this is the longest, I would say test again.

[Franni]

jeggink My longest cycle was when I conceived DD. Well, I don't know if that qualifies. I finally tested at CD45 when I ran out of room on my sheet (i was charting on paper then). My cycles are all over the place though (as short as 32 and as long as 40).

Thanks for your opinion.

[jeggink]

Franni No problem :). I would probably wait another 2 days and if AF hasn't shown test again if you are up to it. I am crossing my fingers really hard for you!!!

[pacificbliss]

Franni It seems a lot of the time my advice and what I would do are two completely different things. Me? I would test. I work from home and I can't keep myself distracted enough not to. It would make sense though that you should wait until you hit new territory on the length of your cycle.

jeggink Hang in there! I am sure everything is fine.

kari a couple days after the m/c a friend had food delivered to the house. It was really sweet and just what I needed. Honestly, eating had not occured to me or DH, I didn't want to go out and I did not want anyone to come over. That was definitely above and beyond the call. I also really appreciated the cards I received and the flowers made things cheerier (I got one bouquet so it did not look like a funeral parlor). Now that I look back on it I have some pretty awesome friends. It's sweet of you to be thinking of your friend.

bunnybeth Yay for 1 week without spotting.

This is my fifth cycle post m/c and it is a doozy. Last cycle was so light I was worried I was pg again and it was starting like it did last time. This cycle has made up for it...

[bunnybeth]

Franni If I were you, I'd probably wait a couple more days and test again unless AF shows up. Or maybe wait until CD45 since that's when you got your DD's BFP. With this pregnancy, I started having nausea at 5DPO and didn't believe it for awhile, but it obviously (in hindsight) can happen. So, maybe you're not just imagining it.

[Franni]

Bunnybeth, pacificbliss and Jeggink Thanks for the advice. I think I will wait.

[Sand]

Kari, I received a couple cards which were very nice and made me smile. I didnt want to talk to anyone...but knowing they were out there was nice.

[CapeCod04]

kari I agree with all the others re: a card. It will be nice for her to know that you care, but if she wants to keep to herself, you've allowed her that.

Franni I know nothing about charting! I'm hoping this is a good sign for you.

jeggink I know what you mean about the ultrasound. That would no longer be enough for me either.

I'm missing people for sure - I'm sorry about that. Last week was kind of stressful for me. I had found out a week ago that someone at work, who was also a friend, figured out that I had a miscarriage. I had never even announced my pregnancy. Anyway - she told some people. I went through all sorts of feelings from anger to feeling a sense of violation. Add that to the hormonal swings with AF - well - last week was not fun. I've decided that I need to focus on being happy and put this woman aside. Hopefully I'll be successful!

[Jenzen01]

Well, after worrying myself sick about my 10-week appointment, I have some good news:

We heard the hearbeat with the Dopplar!! :D

I am so relieved. Everything looks good so far. I'm finally starting to think I'm having a baby. :)

Jen

[ajlanden]

Jen-Quick fly by to say HORRAY! What a great sound, right? I am so happy for you!!! I am so glad you are finally able to relax a little!

[happy]

Hi ladies,

Sorry I have been MIA recently.

Jenzen01 - Congrats no hearing the hb. I am sure that was so comforting to you. I hope everything continues to progress smoothly for you.

kari - I think any kind of gesture would be nice. We told everyone that we were PG hoping that if we were to miscarry we would have lots of extra support. I think that a lot of people don't know what to say so they just don't respond at all. I think that it is pretty stinky and made me realize who the people were that truely cared about me.

Franni- any update for us?

jeggink- I am sure everything is fine but I agree with you that until I deliver I don't think that I will ever rest easy with a pregnancy again.

bunnybeth - I am glad that the spotting has stopped for you. I am sure that will help you relax a little bit

polkadot- I am glad that you now have a plan for what will happen next even if it not your ideal of the way things will go. It sounds like you have a very good Dr.

I am sure I missed some people sorry if I did.

******
So here is my newest questions for all of you. It has been a week since my D&C. The bleeding is slowed down significantly. It has basically almost stopped. But now how do I make the time go by faster until we can start trying again. I don't think that it helps that my DH is a CPA and I don't really see him much during this time of the year so it is just me and DS which is wonderful but the days are sometimes really long. I think that because it took us such a long time to get a BFP with this past pregnancy I am worried that it will take that long again and I was SO ready for another little one. I was ready since DS was 2 months old but DH was not exactly on the same page as me.

That is all for now my DS is starting to destroy the house. I guess quiet time is over for today.

[Franni]

Jen I am so happy for you. I remembered with DD, just holding my breath everytime they put that doppler on my belly and just exhaling when I finally hear it. It's the best thing.

Happy CD40 today and still waiting. I figured that since I am waiting already, I'll just wait until this weekend. I know what you mean about just wanting to get started again. After the m/c, it almost felt like that each cycle day is long and protracted. I am also trying to find a way to make time go a little faster. The last few days have been really endless for me.

[pacificbliss]

Yay Jen!

Sorry for the fly-by.

My fingers are crossed for you Franni

I wish I knew how to make the time go faster myself. I just keep telling myself that sometime soon I will want it to slow down and maybe I should just enjoy it's here.

[brenda]

Sorry for the short post, but I'm so late on a project, and I promised myself I'd get back to work after I did my CC rounds.

Jen - I held my breath until we heard the HB. When the tech couldn't find it at first, I was near tears. Thank goodness for my midwife. :)

Happy - I was on CD 40 (or so) when I decided I would test on Saturday morning, since DH would be available for celebrationg or commiseration.

All - I wish you the best.

[polkadot]

any taking baby aspirin?

I bought some today but dont know if i am to far into my cycle (day 9) for it to have any effect on my lining....

any opinions?

[Mrs-Mac]

Morning,
Things are "so far so good" here. I'm 9 weeks now. Two more weeks until my next dr appt. So I'm just waiting patiently and trying to stay positive until I hear the heartbeat.

polkadot Sorry, no experience with baby asprin. Hope someone is able to offer some good advice.

Jen - GREAT news about hearing the hb!! Congrats!!!

happy - Sounds like you are recovering well from the d&c. I was very surprised how quickly my body healed. I don't think I have any advice about how to pass the time. My DH was unemployed (he recently graduated) when I had the m/c, so I wasn't sure I wanted to TCC until he had a job, so I wasn't sure I wanted to TCC again soon. Luckily he did get a job and things worked out well.

Franni - My cycles were also longer after the m/c (probably close to 40 days). Sending baby dust your way!!

To everyone else I missed....positive thoughts!!

[bunnybeth]

Jen So great that you heard the h/b!

happy My waiting to TTC time was over the holidays which kinda stunk, but at least kept me busy. I've heard you're more fertile right after m/c, so maybe that'll help you out this time around.

Franni Crossing my fingers for you!

polka No experience with baby aprin myself, sorry.

Mrs-Mac Playing the same waiting game as you right now. Hopefully the days will pass quickly!

[flygirl]

Hey everyone :). I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. I want to offer my complete support to everyone who has had to join our thread since I was here last. As you all have recognized, this is one of the most amazing threads on the site. Only those who have had a m/c can understand what we go through, so only here can you get true understanding and support.

Somewhat related to that, we've had some requests to split the m/c support group from TTC after m/c. As much as we support each other, it's often hard to go through the happy pg posts when all you want to do is yell or cry or contemplate your loss. Obviously, though, we will all continue to support each other through the good and the bad, so I have no doubt everyone will continue to visit both threads.

This thread will stay as it is as the m/c support thread. I would appreciate it if someone using the ttcafteraloss username will start the new thread. You can share the username info with whomever wants to mod the new thread. If anyone has any questions or concerns about this, please feel free to PM me.

[happy]

Do you ever have days that are just really bad days? Today was one of them. I thought that I was doing really well but today I realized that maybe I am just in denial. One of my good friends came over with her son and told me that she was pregnant again. She was super sensitive of me and was very sweet about the whole thing but I just feel so jealous. Our first kids were three months apaprt and our second would have been only one month apart. I wish I was still pregnant because that would have been so fun. Does this ever get easier or is it alway this hard?

[polkadot]

I am willing to start up the new thread about TTC after a loss or m/c . I will get on it if no one else minds. I think it will be good for me. Does anyone care if it says loss and miscarriage? I think its nice to include those who have had a loss no matter when the pg is lost...or if they have lost a child...either way i think it will be good let me know what ya'll think.

Lauren

[flygirl]

Thanks, Lauren. I've asked the ttcafteraloss account to PM the info to you. If anyone else knows the password, please feel free to PM polkadot.

[shouldaeloped]

polkadot- there is another thread, support for those that have had a late term loss or something close to that, and we initially started out together and then separated because people felt like the emotions were very different. that was a while ago and it doesn't matter to me either way, I just thought I would put that out there. and thank you for taking over. . . I still come here for support when I get down about 2 lost babies and to offer support where necessary.

happy- I 100% understand what you are talking about. I had a friend that was pg and due 1 week after me with my second pregnancy. I miscarried in may, she continued on strong and now has a baby boy. I thought I was fine. put on a happy face and went about my life. I was at her wedding (yes, the same girl) which was a big outdoor party at a lake and ended up spending most of the day bawling my eyes out. how unfair everything was, she could have a healthy pregnancy and get married all at once when I had been trying for so long. it was that weekend that encouraged me to seek counseling. the bad days will sneak up on you without any warning and without making any sense. I am so sorry you are going through this and things will get better one day. time really does help.

[Franni]

happy It gets better then it gets bad then it gets better. Eventually, I hope it just gets better. I would say that at this point for me (3 months after m/c), there are more better days than bad.

polka if you need help moderating, just let me know and I'll be glad to pitch in.

[Sand]

Happy - I hope it gets easier, I feel the exact same way some days.

[brenda]

I was just thinking about maybe positing the idea of splitting the threads. I hesitate to post here, because I don't want to be insensitive. I think it's a great idea.

[flygirl]

Happy & others, I know exactly how you feel. One of my bffs got pg one month after my m/c. At that point I hadn't really mourned yet, and as happy as I was/am for her, that week sent me into a tail spin. I started seeing a counselor that week and I've done fairly well since then.

It's now been 5 months and I've been feeling the loss again for the past two weeks. I think I've been emotional about life in general the unfairness of the loss is rearing its ugly head again. Unfortunately, it's more than the loss itself, it's finding out recently that I can't try again for an unknown while, and it could be a few years. That just makes the loss real again. I was crying on the phone with my dad yesterday about how I'd be entering my third tri in a few weeks; it's so hard to comprehend it.

[pacificbliss]

I just wanted to offer my support for the plan to start a ttc after loss or m/c thread. I read and post in the "seeing what happens" thread and I love all the women in there but sometimes feel like they don't get the ttc after a m/c thing. I also don't want to bum them out with my concerns. I also feel a awkward talking about ttc when recent posts are from women who just lost a pg or are in the process.

That said, I won't abandon those who are going through a m/c now or are newly coping with the loss. I would like to offer them support too. Plus I will be so happy for them when they are ready to join the ttc thread.

Does this make any sense? I think I just said what everyone else has been saying.

[polkadot]

ok...well i havent gotten a repsonse from the TTC after a loss mod so I am just start the thread with a new name if thats ok with everyone....i have free time tonight to get it up and running and would rather not wait to see if they email me. So if we have no objections to that....i will get it done....:D

[purplesunshine7]

Thread Mistress can you please update my stats toEDD 12/5/06.

[CapeCod04]

Happy I'm thinking that it just goes up and down. I had thought I was doing well, my counselor even told me that I was - then I found out that someone I hadn't told about the loss figured it out and she told people. I felt like I regressed about 3 weeks. I had one day where I was just awful, ending up curled up in a little ball crying my eyes out. A week later, I feel that I am making progress towards happiness again. I think that this is one of those things that is always with us, but the pain fades and doesn't raise it's head quite as often.

[ttcafterloss]

the new thread is here.......make sure to come and visit!!!
http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?p=629094&posted=1#post629094

[flygirl]

Thanks for starting the new thread :).

CapeCod, that's a very good description. First we have to go through the 5 stages of grief, but even after we've accepted it, the pain will still be there, just not as sharp or as often.

[Tiniest Angels]

To everyone~ I am sorry I have been missing from the thread. I have been having troubles dealing with not being pregnant yet after my m/c and have been avoiding dealing with the m/c part of it. I am back though and have updated *I think* everything.

If anyone notices anyone or anything I missed please let me know. Also please post updates or stats in RED as it is much easier to pick them out:p .

Also I am trying to find some links to add to the front page so new members have other places to go to help understand their m/c's. If anyone has any good links I would love if you could post them as I think they would be great for new members!

[kerrykate]

Name: Kerry, 29
DH: Fred, 29
Married: Oct 27, 2001
DD: Oct 4, 2003
M/C: Jun 2001, naturally 6 1/2 weeks
M/C: March 2006, naturally 9 weeks
TTC: May 2006

The past month has been such a rollercoaster. Earlier this month when I was 6 1/2 weeks pg I had a little bit of pink spotting so I called the nurse and she sent in paper work for me to get bloodwork and an ultrasound. My bloodwork came back and my levels were normal but we went a head with the ultrasound. The tech said there was a small sac that measured at 5 weeks(I was actually 7 weeks) with a yolk in it but no heartbeat or fetal pole. They decided to do more bloodwork and another ultrasound in a week. My levels went up again that week but there wasn't any change at the ultrasound. I talked with the NP and she said that a D&C would be too invasive since the sac is so small and to just wait and miscarry naturally. I have to get blood taken every Friday for the next 6 weeks or until my levels get back to 0. Last week I got my levels back and they jumped from 13,000 up to 19,559:( The nurse said it could take awhile for my body to catch on that it's not a viable pregnancy and the levels to stop climbing. I had blood taken this past Friday and just got the results today and they dropped from 19,559 to 19,202 it's not much of a drop but at least it's going down instead of up. I've been having a little bit of brown spotting for the last week but finally over the weekend I started bleeding heavily. I'm glad it finally happened so we can move on, being in limbo and having it drag out was so depressing.
This whole thing really sucks. After having an easy problem free pregnancy with DD, I just kind of assumed that it would be smooth sailing. I really want to get pg againg but I'm so nervous. The 6 1/2 week mark seems to be taboo for me, with my 1st pregnancy I had spotting and miscarried at 6 1/2 weeks, I had spotting at 6 1/2 with DD, and now this time spotting at 6 1/2 weeks that led to m/c.
I've read through the thread and my thought are with everyone.

[polkadot]

so sorry Kate...(((((((hugs))))))

[katmg]

I'm so sorry Kerry. :( I too, had to do blood tests until my levels went down to zero - it ended up being about a month's worth of blood tests. I was so sick of having bruises by the time that month was over. But, I was happy to know that my levels did reach zero and that my body "took care" of everything it was supposed to. I hope that your levels reach zero a bit faster than mine did.

It has been almost 4 weeks since my levels reached zero and AF finally found me yesterday. Seems like forever since it took a full 4 weeks for my levels to reach zero and then 4 more weeks to get AF.

I had a lovely m/c reminder this morning. :rolleyes: One of my co-workers was cleaning out some old files and found the book, "What to Expect when you're Expecting." She knows about my m/c but another co-worker doesn't and decided to throw the book on my desk and tell me that I needed it. I had to calmly remove the book and put it back on his desk and tell him that I did NOT need the book, thankyouverymuch. It's been such a Monday.

[Franni]

kerrykate {{{{{hugs}}}}} It's hard to be in limbo. Hopefully you can miscarry naturally soon.

[polkadot]

kerrykate- I hope your body get through this naturally and no D&C is needed.

Katmg- i hate stupid people....:rolleyes:

[kerrykate]

Thanks for the well wishes ladies. I actually did miscarry naturally over the weekend. I had some spotting all week and then full blown bleeding yesterday and cramps, well I don't even know if I'd call them cramps they felt more like contractions they hurt sooooo bad. I talked to the nurse today and she said since I started bleeding that my levels should start to go down faster. I really hope she's right.

katmg~ Sorry about the incident with your coworker, it's stinks dealing with those type of situations.

[CapeCod04]

kerrykate I'm sorry for your loss

[Sand]

Kerrykate, I'm very sorry. :( This is a great place for support. Vent, cry, question, whatever... these girls are great.

[happy]

KerryKate, So sorry about your loss. Hopefully the time will pass quickly.

**********
I just wanted to say thank you so much for everyone's kind words. I sill have some really hard days and some really good days which is good. I know that my hormones are going crazy so I know that is not helping on the bad days.

You are all in my prayers and I would love to hear updates on how all of you are doing.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry kerrykate. I hope your levels come down quickly and this doesn't grag on for you.

[happy]

well today was a good day until the mail came. My husband ordered pregnancy mag. for me when he found out I was pregnant. He remembered that I really enjoyed reading it when I was pregnant with DS. Well it arrived today in the mail. I was not so sad until I opened it and realized there was nothing in it that related to my life right now. I guess i will just store it away for when I am pregnant again.

KerryKate How are you doing? Are your levels continuing to go down? I hope you are doing well

[flygirl]

kerrykate, I'm so sorry. This sucks. I really hope your levels drop rapidly and you are able to get past this part soon. How are you doing today?

Happy, when I first got pg, I signed up on a few websites who all decided to send out my snail mail info :rolleyes:. Five months later and I'm still getting pg/baby stuff in the mail. Sometimes it hardly phases me, other times, like the other day, it sets me off. Some of the more substantial stuff I'm storing away in case I get pg again, but then I think, well, if I sign up on any website, I'm going to end up with the same deluge.


One of my bffs is 22 weeks. Before her u/s two weeks ago she was pretty laid back about the whole thing; just annoyed with the sicky feelings. Now, however, she's excited as hell and can't stop talking about it. I've had my ups & downs dealing with her pg, and now that she's so excited, just when I want to be excited with her, I feel down. *sigh* But she does look cute; she's put on all of 10lbs and though she's gotten bigger recently, she still doesn't look pg until she pulls up her shirt ;).

[CapeCod04]

Happy That happened to me two - my husband ordered me two magazines. I brokedown the day the first one arrived. It's always hard to get those reminders of what could have been.

[Robyn's Nest]

Hey Ladies! I'm delurking! I have been on here a lot the last few weeks to see if the feelings I'm having are "normal" or if the weird stuff my body is doing is cause for concern. So you have all been helping me without even knowing it!

Here's my story: I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and have to have a d&c on February 15. It was first diagnosed as a molar pregnancy which I had never even heard of, but I had to see a specialist and have a CT scan since there is a small chance of cancer evolving from this rare pregnancy ailment. It was bad enough having been told the pregnancy wasn't going to happen but then the doctor started saying "chance of cancer and possible chemo" and I lost it.

Well very, very long story short, it was not a molar pregnancy but was a miscarriage with some abnormalities. My HcG count was at over 207,000 at 8 weeks and there was something "not quite right" on my ultrasound so with those conditions I'm still having weekly blood tests to get my numbers back down. I get results on the latest one today.

All that said, I started having what appeared to be a period the other day and continues now. Is that possible with the numbers not at "zero" or should I be concerned? What was everyone's first period after the d&c like?

Thanks for letting me lurk the last few weeks, I just had to wait till I was able to share.

[numberlady]

Robyn's Nest - I'm so sorry you had to go through not only the m/c but the cancer scare as well. I didn't have a d & c, but my first period was much heavier than normal. I would think if your levels aren't down to zero, though, it might not be your period, but someone else might have better knowledge of this kind of thing than me. We are all here for you.

Kerrykate - I'm so sorry for your loss. At least your body did everything naturally. For me that was the one thing I felt like went right, my body couldn't keep the pregnancy, but at least it knew what to do.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hi All,

I am new here. A friend told me about this site/thread.

Me:33
DH:34
Married since: 2002
M/C: 03/24/06

On March 1, 2006, I went in for a sonogram. Don't ask me why, but I thought it was just a quick appointment and my DH wasn't even with me at that time. At that point, the doctor thought the baby was measuring small. There was a heartbeat, but she was 'concerned' and made an appointment for 2 weeks later. Well, on March 16 we found out that there no longer was a heartbeat. I should have been almost 11 weeks.

Initially I waited, hoping my body would take care of things naturally. After almost a week the waiting was too much to bear, so I scheduled a D&C for 3/24/06. Honestly, it was an awful experience. The only thing positive about it was not waiting anymore. I don't need to elaborate on that.

I am so sad and angry and feeling very lost and alone. It seems as if my friends fall into categories a) Don't know what to say, so they avoid me; b) Don't know what to say, so just talk about anything BUT the miscarriage; or c) Keep reassuring me that everything will be fine. Honestly, I don't know what I want/need/would like to hear anyway. This is where I feel very alone. I don't know anyone personally who has gone through this.

I was so excited about this baby. Who knows if I'll be able to ever have a child. I feel so old and the truth is that statistics are not on my side. I don't know where to go from here...?

Thanks for listening. Sorry I sound like such a sad sack.

[ajlanden]

green_peas-First off major ~hugs!~ Your feelings are completely justified, completely normal and completely horrible. Give yourself permission to feel that way and time to grieve. You have a right to do both. Nothing anyone can say will make the pain go away.

That being said, even though this is an online community, I found great comfort here going through the grieving and healing process. There are also MANY inspirational stories about people who have gone through many m/cs. I encourage you to find those when you are feeling up to it. It certainly gave me hope.

TAke care of yourself! This is such a crappy thing to go through!

[Jenzen01]

wasabi - gosh, what you're feeling sounds so normal, and i went through the same stuff. just give yourself lots of time to mourn. you aren't going to feel better tomorrow or the next day or maybe even next month. it's going to hurt for a good long time. i know that doesn't sound nice, but you need to know that you're allowed months to heal and feel sad and cry about that baby. you're friends and family will probably want you to feel better right away, and you're just going to have to tell them that you're not fine, that it still hurts, that you need support, etc.

whatever you do, just know that this was a loss, and you're completely normal for needing time to hurt, feel anger, feel sorrow. you're going to have to figure out over time how to deal with everything, but the important thing to know is that you have time and it's OK to have all these feelings.

Stop by here whenever you need support. We've all been there and know how intense the pain is.

Take care,
Jen

[CapeCod04]

wasabi I'm so sorry you've had to join us here. Your feelings are all normal. Allow yourself the time to heal. I kept fighting that - I wanted to be over it quickly, but that just doesn't happen. I don't think the pain ever goes away, but it eases.

[happy]

Robyn's Nest - I am so sorry about your loss as well as the cancer scare. I am glad that everything is fine now. Give your body time to heal and your emotions as well.

wasabi - I am so sorry for your loss as well. Just know that even though people don't know what to say they are still hurting for you. I think that people are scared to bring up the m/c because they don't know if you want to talk about it or not. I found that if I needed to talk I had to bring it up and my friends were so supportive when I did. Your emotions are completely normal you lost a child and no matter how you put it that is one of the hardest things you will go through in life. Come here for support these ladies are great :)

[Franni]

wasabi Sorry for your loss. I have found it hard to talk about the m/c with anyone, so I really never told anyone. I hope you'll find the strength and support that you need here.

[bunnybeth]

Robyn's Nest So sorry you're having to go through this. I can see why the possibility of a molar pregnancy freaked you out, my dr originally brought up that possibility and really hoped against that as well. Glad you were able to get some answers and support from all the other stories in here, I found that helped me out a lot as well.

wasabi I'm really sorry you're going through all this, it's just a terrible thing. The waiting is just awful, so I can really understand why you just wanted to get it over with. I've found that it's pretty rare for someone who has never had a m/c to know what to say in this situation. But, even with a couple of great support people IRL, I found this thread so helpful and supportive. I was able to share the guilty feelings and everything. Make sure you give yourself time to heal. Grieving time is different for everyone, so don't feel yours is too short or too long. It may seem like forever now, but it will only take as long as it needs to.

[Robyn's Nest]

Wasabi- Wow, I didn't put my stats on here, but we are a lot alike

Here are my stats:
Me: 32
DH: 34
Married Since: 04/02
Miscarried: 02/06

I just finished getting blood tests last week which was a reminder everytime I went in the doors of the lab, but every week seeing the numbers go down was a little step closer to being me again. I guess what I'm saying is it does get better and if you give yourself little goals, you start to feel like you're getting back on the right road.

One thing my husband I did was to plan a trip so we had something fun to talk about and look forward to. It's hard to not to dwell on the unfairness of everything ( both sister in laws are pregnant now!) but you have to know that lots of support is out there for you. I was telling someone about how hard it will be for me when both sister in laws have their babies in the next 3 months and I was told "well you'll have to get over that" I realized "no I don't" Don't put a time limit for grief on yourself.

Thanks to everyone here for the kind words!!

[CapeCod04]

robyn's nest That was smart to give yourself something positive to which you could look forward.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hi All,

I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought each of us here. I am sorry for your losses. ((( )))

ajlanden, jenzen01, capecod04, bunnybeth: thank you for the kind words. I have been reading and perusing. I have to admit I get lost in the thread sometimes, though, and end up in a completely different thread altogether.

happy, Just know that even though people don't know what to say they are still hurting for you. I have found that true with very many people. There are people here and there who have literally dropped off the face of the earth, but I'm trying to get to a point where I don't care so much and am trying to disentangle from the lopsided friendships altogether. I also hope I'm not unintentionally focusing my anger on them (but I don't think so). Yikes.

franni, I don't know if talking has helped or not. Sometimes when I open up to people and feel their responses lacking, I feel more alone. So, my candor might be my biggest downfall presently. I'm still trying to sort that one out.

Robyn's Nest, I'm sorry for your cancer scare, too, and I'm glad it resolved itself (hope I read that correctly). As for vacation plans, I just don't know. We just bought a house in January and are in the process of renovating the kitchen (which if you knew me you would know for me is *torture*) , so I don't know if that's in the cards. It just makes me sad. We looked for a house for 18 months and finally just bought this one because we were anxious to start a family. Now I feel like I hate my house and the reason for fast-tracking its purchase is gone. I'm sure part of it is my outlook (what isn't adding to my sense of unfairness these days?). And my SIL (who is years younger and has been married for less than a year) is due the beginning of June. This has caused me a bit of consternation and heartache. Am I supposed to go to the shower at the end of the month? I find little likelihood of that happening.

Well, I'm really just venting/ranting here because I don't know where to go with all these feelings. I hope that's okay. I truly hope I have something to give back, even if I feel a tad tapped at the moment.

[katmg]

Well, I'm really just venting/ranting here because I don't know where to go with all these feelings. I hope that's okay. I truly hope I have something to give back, even if I feel a tad tapped at the moment.

It's totally fine to vent and rant in here - that what this is for. I've certainly done my fair share of venting and whining and moaning in here. I'm sorry that you had to find your way here.

[xhristina]

Has anyone had an in-office D&C with just a sedative and local anesthesia? I just found out that my pregnancy is not a healthy one (baby stopped developing at like 5w and I'm now at 9w). I want to go ahead and have the D&C.

In talking to my Dr., we both decided I would be a good candidate for an in-office procedure as opposed to going to the surgical center and having general anesthesia. In the past, I seem to have a higher pain threshold. I've had a different procedure done in that area years ago, and it was done under local. I didn't feel much pain (all the nurses thought I was nuts for undergoing it under local and told me so - they freaked me out before the procedure, but afterwards, I couldn't understand what the big deal was).

In addition, my Dr. asked if I have heavy cramping during my menstrual periods - and I don't normally. Most of the times, I don't have any cramping at all. So he said based on that, and my past experience, he thought I'd be find in the office. He said that I wouldn't feel any pain, but I would feel about 2 minutes of cramping...and that's it.

Now that I've agreed to it and scheduled the procedure, I'm kinda getting nervous about it and second guessing my decision not to go under for it. What can I expect? Please be honest. If your procedure was awful, please tell me why - if I need to reschedule mine under general, I'd rather KNOW, so that I can take that option.

Thank you!

[happy]

Just a vent
I just had a shower at my house for a girl in my Sunday school class. I hate it that people are afraid to talk to me about my m/c. I don't have a problem talking about it but people don't even like to talk about their kids around me. I have one and know how fun they are and how consuming they can be. I just wish that people would act normally around me. It was also a hard night because out of the 8 people here 5 of them were pregnant. I was loaning out all of my maternity clothes that I had hoped to wear again this summer but that won't be the case. After everyone left I just started crying. My DH is still no home from work (it is 11:00pm) but even if he were he would probably think that I was crazy. Does anyone else's DH's think that they are crazy for still having so many emotional days about your m/c. I don't think that my DH can truly understand how hard this is for me. I loved that baby with all my heart and I am so sad to know that I will not get to meet him/her until I get to heaven. I am sad that I won't have a baby so close to three of my very close friends. I am sad that I went through so much nausea and pucking for nothing. It has been three weeks since the D&C and it is harder now than it was before. My DH and I also DTD without protection last night (kind of a mistake) and now I am freaking out that I will loose another baby. I think that really I just need to go to bed but I had to have somewhere to go to share my feelings.
Goodnight. I hope everyone else is doing ok you are all in my thoughts.

[jeggink]

Well, I don't know if I should be here or the other thread anymore, but I had a m/c Jan 4, got pg again in March and now it is looking like I may have m/c #2. We find out next Wed, but things don't look good. I should be 7w4d yesterday, my fetal sac was measuring 7w6d but the baby was measuring 6w1d with a HB of 79, very low. Plus I have a subchorionic hematoma (blood spot next to fetal sac, not a huge deal, but not great either). My OB doesn't have high hopes for this.

I am so very upset about this, I just never expected this. It is happening the exact same was as the other m/c, right around 8.5 weeks and my body doesn't know what is going on. Now with some miracle, things may end up being OK, but I think it's along shot at this point. Geessh, this sucks.

If I do miscarry they will do some minimal blood testing but don't do anything more until a 3rd m/c. But since Ihave alreadyhad a child they know I can at least carry one so that rules out certain things. I guess I just feel so numb at this point.

[Jenzen01]

jeggink - Just wanted to send you some hugs. I am so sorry you're going through this.

Jen

[katmg]

xhristina - I didn't have a d&c so I can't help you much. Hopefully someone else will be able to help you out!

happy - I am so sorry that you had a rough night. I still have them 2 months later...I broke down in our driveway two nights ago and just cried in DH's arms. Sometimes we just need to cry, and that's okay...

jeggink - :( I'll be praying that this baby makes it. Please let us know if there's anything we can do...

[shouldaeloped]

xhristina- I am so sorry for your loss. I had a d&c but it was under anesthesia. the only par that I would be concerned about without going totally under, would be the emotional side. I would think that being aware of what is going on physically would make it that much harder to deal with. the recovery from my d&c after going under was mild, I slept all day and the rest of it was just the normal bleeding and recovery. good luck to you with making your decision, but please be aware that the emotional side is often much more difficult than the physical side of miscarrying.

jeggink- so so sorry that it looks like you are going through this twice in a row. I lost my first two pregnancies and while the first one is absolutely devasating, the second just makes you feel totally hopeless. I hope you end up with good news and please take care of yourself.

makes me sad to see so many new members of this thread. . . .

[Robyn's Nest]

xhristina- I had a d&c but it was under general like Shouldaeloped I agree with her in that the emotions may be a lot to take under local even with a sedative. As hard as it was being wheeled in the OR, there was a sense of , I hate to say relief, but waking up and having a peace knowing physically it over.

Happy- Just when I think I'm getting better something drags me back in also. I just finished getting blood tests last week to get my HcG back to negative and the d&c was February 15. I thought when that weekly reminder was over all would better. Well yesterday I get a shower invitation in the mail for my sister in law. Never mind that this is her second child so I didn't even think a shower was called for, but she hasn't been very nice to me during this event, so I broke down crying. I cannot go, it would be way too much right now, but it made me upset too b/c I so want to be back to somewhat normal. I guess we just have to cry sometimes.

[wasabi_green_peas]

xhistina, ((( ))) I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much advice because I had a sedative/anesthesia that completely knocked me out. I had never gotten general anesthesia (even getting all 4 wisdom teeth extracted was under local) and was scared about my reaction to that, but whatever I had turned out okay. I was only under for 20 minutes or so? I'm not sure.

happy, I don't know how long it's been since your m/c, but I can't even imagine hosting a shower right now. You are such a caring and kind friend. ((( ))) I don't know what normal talk I am looking for these days. If people can't talk to me about the m/c and act as if nothing's wrong, I get irritable. If people tell me not to worry that I'll be able to have a child, I feel patronized. I end up feeling sorry for those around me because I am not sure what *would* help. I have (admittedly) been withdrawing into a tiny circle. The last few nights I have been trying to reach out a bit more, but it's hard. I'm used to being the motivator, the assurer, etc.

jeggink, my heart aches for you right now. :( I am so so sorry you are going through this, but I will keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers. I fervently hope your baby is healthy. I wish I had something to console you. ((( )))

[CapeCod04]

xhistina I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a medicated miscarriage, so I have no advice on the D&C

jeggink I'm sorry things are not looking positive. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

[jeggink]

Thanks CapeCod04, wasabi_green_peas, shouldaeloped, katmg & Jenzen01 for all your thoughts.

I had spotting this weekend so I am going to the dr today at 11:50. I am very nervous and trying to keep some hope.

[happy]

xhistina - I am so sorry for your loss. How are you feeling now?

jeggink - You will be in our thoughts this afternoon. I hope that you have very good news when you get to the Dr. today. Miracles can happen.

How is everyone else doing?

[kerrykate]

jeggink~ I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Hopefully you'll get good news at the doctors.

Happy~ That was so sweet of you to have a shower for your friend, but I can't imagine how hard it was. It's totally normal to have emotional days, a miscarriage is such a devastating thing to go through. I'll think I'm fine then something will happen to bring back the emotions, like remembering I should be so many weeks along or seeing the Oct 06 thread is always hard.

My levels finally took a big drop. Two weeks ago they were 19,200 then last week they dropped to 1000, and I just found out today that they are 415 which really stinks I was hoping they would be below 5 so I wouldn't have to go back but now I have to go back this Friday and have blood taken again for the 7th time. I just want it to be over with I bled heavy for 3 days and am still lightly spotting 2 weeks later...Ugh.

Take care everyone.

[CapeCod04]

kerrykate Waiting for your levels to drop can be maddening. Hang in there because it may take several weeks.

[jeggink]

Happy & Kerrykate Thanks.

No news good or bad. Had a very quick u/s and the baby is still there but his u/s machine is so antique we aren't sure. So I have a hospital u/s Wed at 2pm to make the thumbs up or down decision.

kerrykate So sorry your numbers aren't going down fast. I know it was an additional 10 days added onto my cycle after my D&C and my numbers were up really high as well (>30,000). It just takes time, which sucks in itself.

[pacificbliss]

xhristina I am so sorry for your loss. I had a local for my d & c. They gave me a strong sedative so I was asleep during the procedure itself. I woke up and DH was with me. Other than being a horrible thing to have happen the procedure itself was fine this way.

jeggink I hope everything turns out fine and am so sorry you are going through this.

kerrykate sorry this is taking so long.

Hugs to everyone.

[polkadot]

xhristina~ I am so sorry for your loss. I didnt have to have a D&C b/c i was very early into the pregnancy. The day the doc told me i would m/c i started to spot and the next day AF had arrived. I think oncei had come to terms with what was going to happen my body just did it. and i agree with shouldaeloped that:
the emotional side is often much more difficult than the physical side of miscarrying.

jeggink~ So sorry you are having to go through this...you and the bean are in my prayers I hope all is well.

kerrykate~ Sorry everything is taking so long. I hope your body gets itself straitened out very quickly.

[Robyn's Nest]

Jeggink- I hope all is well for you and the baby tomorrow. I know the hours until then must be dragging by.

kerrykate- My numbers were at 207,000 before the d&c and it took 7 weeks to get to negative. I know how frustrating it is and how having a weekly reminder doesn't help. The only thing I can say is to hang in there.

Does anyone else have those family members that just don't get it? I have one that makes these insane comparisions trying to relate to what my husband and I have been going through and he has no idea. They have a healthy happy 3 year old and his wife is 7 months pregnant now. She got pregnant both times really quickly and w/o complications. I was told by this person 2 days after my d&c that me having a miscarriage "made him nervous for their pregnancy" then in a phone call last night he told me that getting past this "must be like getting over a stomach virus" Comparing losing a baby to having a stomach virus?! I was at a loss for words. I have to see this person Easter b/c it's immediate family, but right now I could slug him in the face.

Guess I'm still kinda hormonal huh:o

[polkadot]

oh robyns nest~ yes, you should slug him in the face. I have a family member who is just like that...she's my sister and she found out she was PG two days after I did. All she does is complain about her pregnancy and she still smokes. When i yell at her for smoking and other things she is not doing...she says well you should see how hard it is to quit when you are so stressed out ...uhmm hello? You chose to get PG no one forced this on you. And then my mother, yes my own mother...will say very hurtful things when i talk about my sister...and she'll say...well, you dont understand you are not a mother. Well, thank you for pointing that out...time and time again...:rolleyes:

I dont know if they know how much that hurts me but they seem to not care...and the worse part is that they both continually ask ::are ya pregnant yet?: Uhmm no, but thanks for reminding me of that too!!

Some people....:mad:

I hope you get to feeling better soon...(((((hugs))))

[xhristina]

Thank you all for your input. The procedure itself, under local was 110% easier than I had worked myself up about. It's crazy what your mind conjures up when you don't know what to expect.

The morning of, I was very nervous and anxious and emotional. During the procedure, they gave me a great sedative (I think it was valium and demarol maybe?). I was so relaxed, and out of it... almost asleep. I didn't feel a thing. When it was over, all I fell into a nice, deep, sleep that felt like it was HOURS but was really only 20 minutes.

DH was a God send before and after the procedure. We talked and talked for hours and for the first time in a long time, he nursed me back to health. Typically, I'm not the type of person that likes to be babied too much when I'm sick, but after the D&C, I soaked it in....I NEEDED it. I think you guys were right, it wasn't a physical need, as much as an emotional one.

I didn't feel much physical pain afterwards, I just felt exhausted. I didn't bleed a lot either. I stayed in bed the remainder of Friday and by the evening I even felt well enough to go out to dinner with my DH and my mom.

Jeggink - my heart sank, reading that this is your second time...I can not imagine how agonizing the waiting game is. I wish they could give us quicker answers...half of the agony is just not knowing what's going to happen one way or another. I am hoping that your appointment yesterday might've brought you some good news! =)

Robyn's Nest - honestly, I think some people just are very clumsy about their reactions - they don't know HOW to react, so they say very awkward things sometimes. I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you purposely and maybe it will help to just remember that at least he's trying to show concern and care.

Now Polkadot - the thing with your mom is just MEAN! Have you pointed out to her that the comments she makes are hurtful to you? That's the kind of thing I would feel comfortable discussing with my mom...a distant relative, I let slide, but MOM?! No way!

[Franni]

jeggink You and your baby are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[jeggink]

Thanks ladies for thinking about me, I am really really nervous and scared for tomorrow. Part of me is keeping my hopes up, the other is thinking bad thoughts. I can barely concentrate on work right now, I feel like my mind is going a mile a minute. My appt is at 2pm tomorrow and since the techs doing the u/s can't give me any information, I have to wait till they call my dr right after and talk to him.

If the pg is not good I have the option of a D&C on Thurs per my dr. He prefers to do it that way instead of waiting cause it can take a long time. So we shall see which way it goes.

xhristina Glad your procedure went well. I was completely under in the OR for mine. Glad DH took good care of you.

Polkadot So sorry about your family, how rude!

[pacificbliss]

Crossing my fingers for you jeggink.

xhristina I am glsd the procedure is over, I hope you are doing ok.

Polkadot you must be so patient. I would let my family have it for that. I can't believe the things they have said. It's like sometimes it just doesn't occur to people that words hurt. So sorry.

[polkadot]

oh thanks girls....

My mom realized what she said afterwards b/c she saw the look on my face but my comeback from that was: Thanks for reminding me and then storming off: She got the hint. and as far as my sister...she is 21 dumb, and immature and going nowhere fast...I've lived with her this long...a few more years isn't gonna kill me;) thank god she lives in another town...close enough for me to see anna but far enough where i dont see her everyday!

[Robyn's Nest]

Polkadot- Glad to know I'm not alone in my insensitive family. I cannot imagine my mom saying that to me. Thank goodness she got the message when she said it to you. As far as your sister, sounds like you have a good attitude about it. Family....you're stuck with them, so make the best I guess.

xchristina- Sounds like things went as well as could given the circumstances. So sorry you had to go through that though. Having a caring DH makes a world of difference. Hope you continue to heal.

[pacificbliss]

Thinking of you jeggink. I hope everything is alright.

[Franni]

jeggink thinking of you also. Still keeping my fingers crossed.

[shouldaeloped]

xhristina- glad everything went okay. and kudos to your DH for taking such good care of you.

jeggink- I keep checking in here for updates on you. keeping everything crossed that everything is okay.

insensitive comments- I get tons of them. the worst was 2 days after my first miscarriage, my mom asked me when I was finally going to give her grandchildren close to her (my sisters and their kids live far away) so she could spoil them. uh . nice sentiment, but could you give me a little healing time please??? and then when I was very early pregnant for the third time (after losing 2) she asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I was nervous and nauseaus and her response was "you know, there are things in life other than pregnancy." thank you for pointing that out. I told her that right, there was nothing else in my life. the saddest part is that she has no recollection of these comments when I call her out. she's young, I guess she's got some early senility. still hurts to hear it but ever since then, she has been a rock for me. so I suppose I can forgive.

[happy]

xhristina - I am glad everything went well with your D&C. I was very glad after I had mine to know that the waiting to m/c was over and that I was then ready to move on. It is still very emotional almost 4 weeks later but everyday I feel a little stronger. Now if only AF would show up soon :)

jeggink - I hope everything goes well. I keep checking in to see if there is any news. Hopefully everything went well.

insensitive comments - I didn't get a lot of them. One of my friends said she was sad I MC but really wanted me to hurry up and get pregnant again so that our kids could be close in age. I think that her general thought was nice it just didn't come across that nicely. I actually think that the most insensitive people are those that have been completely avoiding me or avoiding having any in-depth conversation about the mc with me.

Well I hope everyone is doing well. It is a gloomy day here and it is really starting to make me sad.
Well, hope everyone has a great Wednesday

[jeggink]

Well, unfortunately, things didn't go well. The official term, fetal demise as we saw the HB a week ago.

I have my D&C tomorrow at 1pm.

I am soo upset :(.

[happy]

oh, I am so sorry that the ultrasound didn't go well today. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. At least you get to get it over with fast and will not have to think about it for two long. I am so sorry :(

[katmg]

jeggink - I am so sorry. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

[numberlady]

I guess it has been a while since I have been here and am sad to see a couple new members, christina and jeggink. I am so sorry you have to join us.

[kerrykate]

jeggink~ Oh no, I'm so sorry. Take care sweetie.

[Franni]

jeggink I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

[polkadot]

jeggink- you are in my thoughts....((((hugs))))

[jeggink]

Thanks for all your well wishes ladies, it means ever so much to me!! I am taking this a lot harder than I thought I would, I am very sad. I had such a hard time sleeping last night, so many nightmares. Plus my hand kept straying to my rounding belly and that sucked as well.

You would think that after one m/c that you would get a healthy baby, the statistics don't lie. Well I guess that didn't work for me. It makes me very scared to even think about getting pg again.

At least they will do some preliminary blood work on me to see what is going on. They won't do any chromosonal testing till after the 3rd m/c. I mean both times we saw the HB and the baby passed away, there has got to be a reason for that.

Anyway, I am leaving work very shortly to head to the hospital. I am sooo hungry and thirsty right now so I can't wait to eat again.

I hope everyone has a great day.

[bunnybeth]

jeggink, so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope everything goes smoothly today and you can just heal and grieve as you need. {{hugs}} Take care of yourself.

[xhristina]

Awwww Jeggink....I was SO hoping for a different outcome. I'm so sorry. Take care! =/

[brenda]

jeggink - You're in my thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, and try to rest. This will be a difficult time, don't expect it to get better right away.

[CapeCod04]

jeggink - I am so sorry.

[pacificbliss]

Sorry jeggink, my heart goes out to you.

[silentbunny]

Oh, how terrible. Jeggink, I am so sorry.

[Jenzen01]

Jeggink - I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Hope all goes well today. I am so sorry.

[jeggink]

Thanks ladies, I got back at 4:30pm yesterday. I think they gave me more drugs this time so I was out a bit longer. My experience was slightly different than last time, but not much. I am still sad and it's hard to believe I am not pg today, but like last time it will fade over time.

I go to the dr in 2 weeks for a follow-up and to get the blood work started to see if they can find anything. I am not sure when we will be cleared to TTC again but I am hoping we just need to wait this month.

Thanks for all your well wishes, it means a lot to me!

[polkadot]

jeggink- you are in my thoughts and prayers and i hope you can find a way to enjoy Easter...we are all here for you....(((hugs)))

[LynzeyAHL]

I don't feel up to going back and reading all 113 pages. I'm in the process of m/cing now. I've been spotting/bleeding since March 18th I'm about at my psychological threshold for dealing with it. Would a D&C speed things up so I can just have a break?:confused:

[happy]

LynzeyAHL - I am so sorry that you are going through this. A D&C would speed things up a bit. After my D&C I sill bled for about a week. It would at least get the acutal m/c over faster. Have you have blood drawn to make sure that your levels are decreasing. I guess I have not been much help but I am so sorry that you are going through this.

[kerrykate]

LynzeyAHL~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried naturally and it's a long process. Since your bleeding I don't know if your doctor would do a d&c. Are you getting blood drawn to see if your hcg levels are going down? I started bleeding on 23 March and bled heavy for about 3-4 days, then moderatly for about another week then spotted for about 1-2 more weeks and finally completely stopped about a week ago. I'm still getting my levels tested and just found out that they went from 450 last week to 158 but they're still not at 0:rolleyes: I've been getting my blood tested for the last 5-6 weeks and it's taking forever to get to 0... Since it's going so slow the nurse suggested I wait 2 weeks before I get my blood taken again. Anyhoo, take care of yourself and hang in there.

Easter was just *ok*. My SIL announced that she's pg and is already 14 weeks along. I'm really thrilled for them but feeling sorry for myself. They have 2 DD's already that are 5 and 6 years old and have mentioned several times that they were done having kids, but apparently got that itch one last time. It really sucks because her due date is 15 Oct and mine should be 26 Oct. They told my mom that they were so excited when they found out I was pg b/c the kids would have been so close in age *sigh*.... I'm glad they waited awhile to tell everyone because if I would have known we were pg at the same time I think it would have made my loss that much more difficult.

[LynzeyAHL]

LynzeyAHL~ I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried naturally and it's a long process. Since your bleeding I don't know if your doctor would do a d&c. Are you getting blood drawn to see if your hcg levels are going down?

yes they were only like 83 - 165 - 315 at their highest (1 week after I thought I m/c before the dr tested) US with no fetal heart tones at 8w6d and then dropping last Tuesday. I never asked about my progesterone. I called for my numbers today but it seems the last dr to have my chart on Thursday isn't there today and they couldn't locate it. TYPICAL!

[happy]

LynzeyAHL - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It looks like your numbers are getting closer to 0. Hopefully soon :)

kerrykate - I can totally relate to you about your sister. one of my very good friends is pregnant and due three weeks after when I should have been. I am super exicited for her but at the same time it is really hard for me to talk about her pregnancy with her since I wish that I was there too. How are you doing other than that? hopefully your numbers will be to 0 next time you go in to get them checked.

Jenzen01 - How are you doing? I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Have you gotten any results from your bloodwork that was done?

Anyone else I missed, how is everyone doing?

------

AF showed up this weekend. I was glad to finally see her but it was also hard. I had nothing in the house except for the big pads that I used after the D&C and it was very hard for me to go and buy tampons. That may be crazy but I was really hoping that I would not need any for at least 9 months. I am glad that my body is back on track though since it was only about 30 days since my D&C.

[LynzeyAHL]

my number had dropped to 261 on monday the 3rd no fetal heart tones on 11th so I took a hpt at home Sunday and it was so faintly positive that I had to squint to see the line so I have to be back down looooooooow right now. They're mailing me a lab slip to go in one more time next week to confirm for sure.

looks like we can try again in may

[polkadot]

(((((hugs)))))

[jeggink]

LynzeyAHL Glad your numbers keep dropping!

happy Ugg, the 1st AF is the hardest. Hope it went OK. I know mine was HELL!

kerrykate So sorry for the news, that is so hard. Hoping you are doing OK.

Well, my bleeding is finally slowing down and just about gone. Still having some cramping. My dr appt is next week and I find out what tests we will do at that point and when we can TTC again, and mentally when we want to TTC again. I am so scared of getting pg right now, it is not even funny, I am absolutely terrrified. I do not want to have to go through a D&C ever again. Sigh, so difficult.

I am still bummed about this all, but trying to work through it. At least only 2 people knew about it this time (besides you all of course).

Anyway, hoping everyone is doing well and is healthy!

[wasabi_green_peas]

LynzeyAHL, I am sorry you have joined our little group. I hope your numbers reach 0 quickly.

Jeggink,
I am still bummed about this all, but trying to work through it. At least only 2 people knew about it this time (besides you all of course).
I just went through my 2nd, too --- my first was in August '04 and I was 6 weeks pregnant. I still wonder if I will tell people if/when I get pg again. In some ways, it makes it harder to suffer in silence (I think). But then, I feel like this story is old; I feel defective and I would want others to be happy for me and not be 'cautious' in their congratulations. Does that make sense?

Kerrykate, I know how you feel. Although not the same, my SIL's shower is next weekend and I just *can't* go. I just feel like it's still too soon.

Happy, I am just getting my period now. How is that even possible? I was 10.5 weeks pregnant and had the d&c just four weeks ago (as of tomorrow). I don't know. It seems very soon...? I, too, started crying when it started yesterday. Even though I was 'happy' that it returned, I was sad that it wasn't the 9+ months it should have been.

Otherwise, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I still cry a lot. Especially at night. It kills me that I'll never know if my baby was a girl or a boy. Things like that. *Sigh*

Love to you all, Jenn

[ieducate]

Someone from my DecemberMommies page recommended this thread for dealing with my grief. I had a miscarriage today and I am at such of loss for words to express my devastation. I was only 6 weeks pregnant (Due December 12th), but it feels like I lost a lifetime. I had so much planned already (mostly in my head) and my dh was so excited. He and I cried so much today that I don't think I have any tears left. I am in shock and don't know what to do. we saw the the OB today and she is wonderfully optimistic. She is watching me carefully and monitoring my hcg levels until they get back to zero. Then I have to go through one full month of regular cycle before I go back on the fertility drugs and try again. I think one of the worst things is the thought of waking up every darn morning to take my stupid temperature. I think I may skip it the first month we try to get preg. again. I am not sure I can stomach doing that. I will still do the OPK's though. Either way I am feeling an unbelievable loss today and I can't stomach it. I was at work when I found out and it was horrible. I called the doctor to get an update on my hcg levels (blood test was taken yesterday) and she (the doctor herself) got on the phone and gave me the news. I had dropped from 888 to 200 in 48 hours. I broke into tears right there in the copy room...where I was standing talking on my cell phone. To make matters worse, I am a teacher, so I was supposed to go back to my classroom and take my students to lunch. I grabbed another teacher in the hallway and told her to go to my classroom and tell the teacher who was in there covering for me to take my kids to lunch. She didn't ask any questions as it was quite obvious by my sobbing that something was wrong. I walked downstairs to my principal's office and broke into more tears. One of the secetaries (bless her heart) drove me home and another one followed in my car. I am a wreck. My family has been nothing but supportive, but I can't stand that I am no longer pregnant. This was all I thought about day and night. I did everything I was supposed to do and nothing I wasn't. The doctor told me it was not my fault at all, but I can't help to feel the quilt anyway. Thanks for listening...I will be back later...need to collect myself again and regroup.

[ieducate]

Sorry...forgot to put my information in red.


ieducate
Name:Karen, 33
DH: Andrew, 34
Married: August 1, 2004
M/C naturally at 6w2d (April 20, 2006)
TTC: As soon as OB gives the ok.
Waiting for my hcg level to drop to 0.

[happy]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you have to go through this. There are really no words that I can say to make the pain go away but it will get less and less as the days go on. There was a purpose in the loss of this baby and there is a greater plan for your lives at this point. It is encouraging that you were able to get pregnant and really there was nothing that you did or didn't do to cause this. You are in my thoughs. This is a great group for support but I am so sad that you have to join us.

[ieducate]

Honestly I was nervous that talking on this thread would make it somewhat harder for me to deal with and move on, but in reading through many (not all) of the postings I am put to ease a bit. It is amazing to me how even though we are all so different, we share this very same feeling of loss, sadness, confusion, and frustration after the loss of our baby(ies). No one who has never been through this can begin to understand the feelings involved in this whole process. The miscarriage is not a single event, but rather a series of events over a sometimes long period of time. I was lucky (some would say) that I got my period tonight. I guess it is a good thing that my doctor told me today about my numbers and that I saw her today because if I had gotten my period without knowing that information I would have surely freaked out and run to the ER. The good news about geting my period today is that its all the sooner I can try again. The really tough part is that I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again soon because I am afraid of losing it again. I don't think I can go through this again. Not anytime soon. I have to wait until next cycle anyway, as in not this "losing your pregnancy period", but instead the real cycle of May. Anyway, thank goodness this thread exist, but sorry that it has to exist. Make sense? I am praying for each and every one of us on this thread right now for babies, babies, babies soon, soon, soon. By the way, I was supposed to go to a friend's baby shower this Saturday and my husband told me "NO WAY". He is not allowing me to go because he knows that it will be a disaster for me. We had not told this couple that we were pregnant, but he is going to call the husband tomorrow and explain the situation. I just can't deal with the idea of celebrating somoene else's happiness in the baby department when I just lost one. I know that sounds so selfish (and I am happy for her), but it's just too soon. I really am happy for her. Talk to you all later.

[numberlady]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you have to join us here. It has been over 2 months since my m/c and reading your posts brought back some of the raw feelings for me. I can tell you that it does get better, but I still think about it a lot. I had a similar situation as you where I had the m/c and immediately started my "period". The only thing that made me feel a teeny bit better was that my body did the right thing and realized that for whatever reason the pregnancy was not OK. That was the one thing I held on to, but other than that I felt exactly like you do now for several days.

[katmg]

ieducate - Oh, I am so sorry to come on here this morning and find this news. :( I lost my pregnancy at 6w4d and I too remember how much planning and thinking and hoping I had already done in the short time I had known about the pregnancy. You and your DH hang on to one another and cry as much as you need to. Feel free to rant, cry, etc. as much as you want on this thread - I know that the rest of us all have at one time or another.

[kerrykate]

Wow, I also found out I was going to miscarry at 6 w 4d.

ieducate~ I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally agree with this:
The really tough part is that I am apprehensive about getting pregnant again soon because I am afraid of losing it again. I don't think I can go through this again. Not anytime soon.
I want a baby but I'm scared to death about getting pg again, it just feels inevitable that I'll miscarry again and that terrifies me. Right now I'm definitly a ~glass is half empty~ type of person. It's amazing how much your life can change in the matter of a few weeks. You go from the highest high to the lowest low. Cry, rant, feel sorry for yourself, just let it all out. Take care and you're in my thoughts.

[Franni]

ieducate Bravo for your DH for not allowing you to go to the shower. He is really looking out for you and that is so wonderful. Right now, you need each other. I have a dear friend who will have a baby in July. That would have been my due date if I had not miscarried. To this day, 4 months later, I still feel that sting.

If you are not feeling up to it, maybe it would make sense to "postpone" charting, etc.

[dpangel33]

ieducate, I'm so sorry for your loss. My due date just recently passed and it brought back all the raw emotion that I felt 7 months ago so I feel your pain. It was so hard for me as well to celebrate my SIL's pg so close to my loss. But the jealousy and envy has finally passed so now I can enjoy my precious little neice.

I wish you and everyone else all the best in the months ahead.

[ieducate]

Today is easier than yesterday, but it still feels like a bad dream. I keep thinking I am going to wake up and be pregnant as normal. I want to be pregnant more than anything,but I don't want to go through this emotional pain ever again. I told my dh that if and when I get pregnant again I am not leaving my bed for the first three months until I know the baby is ok. :) We are both hoping that I get pregnant in June (first available month allowed to try) so that I am off for the summer during the first trimester. I am a teacher so the timing would work. Plus, I wouldn't have to worry about other teachers finding out I was pregnant until the three months were up and I was back at work. Unfortunately we all know that life does not work that way and it is likely I will not get pregnant right away. :( This whole situation just SUCKS. :( I am angry, frustrated, and sad beyond belief. To make matters worse, I still have sore boobs and am still nauseous. How fair is that??? My mother used to always say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". AGH to that. I don't feel stronger from this at all...I feel more scared about being pregnant and more anxious to have it happen (in a good anxious way and a bad anxious way). Make sense? How screwed up I feel right now. Talk to you ladies later. Thanks for your support through all of this.

Franni, I decided not to chart for a while and in fact even the first month we try again I am not going to take my temperature. I am just going to do the OPK's. I can't stand the thought of waking up every morning and putting that thermometer in my mouth. I could handle it during the work week when I had to be up at 5:00am anyway, but waking up every Saturday and Sunday was horrible. My OB will be putting me back on clomid again at the end of May so I will most likely know when I am ovulating without the darn temperatures. I am looking forward to taking a break from FertilityFriend for a while anyway. :)

[wasabi_green_peas]

ieducate,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Feel free to vent about the unfairness, anger, grief, sadness, devastation... I think the only thing that helps is time.

To make matters worse, I still have sore boobs and am still nauseous. How fair is that???

I felt that to be terrible. I had a missed miscarriage and was horrified to know my body had no idea that my baby had died. I generally trusted my body to be in sync with my health.

As far as conceiving, follow your heart and what is best for you. ((( )))

Again, I am so sorry for the pain. At times, I wished my heart would stop because the pain was so real and deep. I wish I had something other than an internet hug to offer you.

Jenn

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sully130 had her son, Thomas yesterday. Born at 5:32 p.m., Thomas is 8 pounds, 4 ounces, 21 and 1/4 inches long.

[CapeCod04]

ieducate I am so sorry for your loss. I think you'll find this board a helpful, healing place. Kudos to your husband for saying no to the shower. You need to heal a little before attempting to handle something like that.

[polkadot]

i educate~ so sorry for your lost...it does suck that sometimes our bodies dont catch on to what is going on inother parts of our bodies. I lost my pregnancy at 6 wk 5 days and my bb's hurt for about a week after i m/c I never had any nausea though. I hope your body get back on track soon. We all know that emoty feeling you are talking about but it does get better...Some days are good some days are better and then some days are worse. You just have to take it one day at a time and it will get better. There are so many girls here that have gone on to have healthy and happy pregnancies and babies. They are my insipiration and they give me a little speck of hope that it will happen...((((hugs))) to you...i hope you get to feeling a little more like yourself soon...

Congrats!! to Sully130!!

[ieducate]

Well, yesterday in addition to the bleeding getting worse, I had terrible pains on the left side of my stomach...real far down. I thought I could just ignore it and go about my weekend, but the pains got worse. The doctor on call said to go to the ER. I dreaded it, but knew it was the only way to know for sure what was going on. My dh, bless his heart, gave up a Saturday night to spend it in the hospital watching me become more and more frustrated with every second that past in that darn ER. They drew blood and did an u/s. I thought I would be happier the first time I had an u/s. I was anything but happy last night. They noted quickly that my numbers had dropped to 27...so they went from 888 to 200 to 27. It's official...I am not an ounce pregnant. Even though I already knew when i went in there yesterday that I was no longer pregnant, there was something horrible about hearing the numbers that brought it all back...the pain and frustration. Anyway, after the u/s they discovered a bit of fluid in one of my ovaries that indicates a possible cyst...which would explain the pain. They gave me some pain medicine to take home with me and sent me on my way. I have to have a repeat u/s and blood test on Wednesday. The doctor's are all really sensitive, but they all say the same things...they all say something about their own miscarriage or someone they know, and they all say that this is the body's way of getting rid of a bad pregnancy. Do they really think that is going to make me feel better? I am happy to know that a: I can get pregnant, b: that I can try again in 6 weeks, and c: that I am not alone in this, but all in all I just wish it hadn't happened at all...the pain has not gone away in my heart and won't for a long, long time. I hate more than anything that I am depressed. I want to go back to my normal bubbly self and I can't. My dh and I have watched as many comedy shows as possible this weekend and even though I have definitely laughed a few times, once the laughter stops I go back to feeling the heartache. None of this is fair...that's what gets me the most. I am trying to hold on to the notion that I can get pregnant again and that it is not too far off for me to try. I just wish I could get pregnant now so that I could erase this event a tiny bit.

[happy]

ieducate - I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is so hard to go through but at least your body is doing the right thing and it seem very quickly. My body didn't even realize that the baby had passed and then I had to have a D&C. I am sure that the worst is almost behind you physically since your numbers are back down so low. It is going to continue to be hard emotionally but everyday will get a little better. It has only been about a month since my D&C and I still have some really bad days. I guess Ijust really long for that baby and I have realized that getting pregnant again is not going to entirely take those emotions away. Losing a baby at 6 weeks or 12 weeks is really hard and it will continue to be a hard thing I am sure for all of us. Continue to vent here. It is so helpful to vent to people who know what you are going through.

[bunnybeth]

ieducate I am so sorry for your loss. I never like to see more women going through this experience. I hope you find the comfort and support you need. What you said about hating feeling depressed is what I went though. It felt so foreign and terrible to me to never really feel happy. And, all the tv I watched didn't help- it seemed like the tiny problems that happily resolved themselves in a neat block were so untrue. So, you are definately not alone. The only thing that really helps is time, and the amount is different for everyone. Take as long as you need to grieve, and try not to feel guilty if you need more or less time than you thought.

[CapeCod04]

I found out yesterday that the wife of one of my co-workers is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. That's going to be hard to deal with.

[polkadot]

CapeCod~ Yes, it is hard to deal with...my sister is due two days after i would have been. It sucks...it was really hard last week when she found out what the sex of the baby was b/c i knew that we would be at that stage too...she is now picking out bedding etc....it makes me sad...but everybody loves babies and i know i will love this one...try to think about the baby and not the pregnancy so much...i know its hard...if you need to talk or need to vent feel free to PM me...((((hugs)))

[katmg]

I found out yesterday that the wife of one of my co-workers is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been due. That's going to be hard to deal with.

I've got the same thing here. They just moved the girl who is due 1 week before when I would have been due across the (workstation) hall from me. It's been super-fun hearing about how she's having a boy, etc. :rolleyes: I'm trying to be a good sport about the whole thing but it's just really hard some days. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this too. :(

[happy]

CapeCod04 - It is so hard to deal with. One of my very good firends is due three weeks after I should have been. It is hard to look at her and think "that could be me" i am sure it will be easier when the baby comes. polkadot, katmg I feel your pain as well

ieducate How are you doing?

[wasabi_green_peas]

I can relate to you all, CapeCod, polkadot, katmg and happy. ((( ))) How are you all doing?

SIL is pregnant. We have a tenuous-at-best relationship so that is quite difficult. And the women at work? Lost count. And that is funny because I work with mostly men. There aren't that many women here. :(

Hearing that Britney Spears is confirmed pregnant again was quite depressing. I don't know. I know someone else being pregnant doesn't alter my state one way or the other, it's just hard to deal with that feeling, "Wish it were me. I really loved my baby."

I try and ignore it, but at times it's lonely and difficult.

Love to all, Jenn

[ieducate]

Well, I am hanging in there. I have my okay moments and my definitely not okay moments. I am still in an angry phase where I feel that this is simply not fair at all. I had to go yesterday for a blood test to see if my numbers are down to zero yet and I just hate this whole thing. Jenn, I can definitely understand your feelings...anytime I see a pregnant woman anywhere, even strangers, I am resentful. I hate that I feel that way, but I do. It should be me. I should be going for my first u/s this Monday and I'm not. That makes me so depressed. All I want to do all the time is sleep. I want to sleep for the next month or two and then wake up and be pregnant again. I just want to the depressed, anxiety, and anger to go away. I can't seem to make that happen. The days go by so slowly and the nights (when I can sleep) go by too quickly. Speaking of days, gotta go to work. :( Speak to you all soon. Hope you are all finding something to smile about each day. :)

[Franni]

wasabi I thought the same thing when I heard about Britney's pregnancy.

[jeggink]

ieducate Glad your hanging in there. Take it easy, OK! Glad to hear your numbers are going down.

wasabi Yeah my thoughts are Britney were the same, especially since her "supposed" due date is right between the due dates of my 2 miscarriages. :(. I to am undecided if I will tell ANYONE about another pg, I just hate telling people I am m/c again. The 2nd time only the CC folks knew and it was a bit easier.

So sorry so many of you are surrounded by pg women, that must be sooo hard! {{HUGS}} to everyone!!!

Yeah for Sully!!!

Well, I had my follow-up for the D&C. I will get blood work done on CD3 of my next cycle and then again around CD24, depending when I O. So that means I will need to chart. I was also told to wait to get pg, so I have to wait until at least my next cycle is over, so that is around 2 more months :(. So the earliest I could have a baby now if late March 2007. I did shed a few tears when I got home, but otherwise not to bad.

I am somewhat bummed, but also somewhat relieved we need to wait because mentally I wouldn't be able to handle another m/c right now. I feel like I need to regain my physical and mental health. I have gained 10lbs from both the pg's and would like to loose that, I want to start exercising again and find the happiness in life I lost with that 2nd m/c. We are moving into a house next month that requires a lot of work and I can actually start gardening again, which is very relaxing, plus the sun is coming out again.

Maybe in a few months I will feel different, but I think we will wait a while and I am going to stop charting cause I just don't feel like it anymore. I can tell when I O cause I am in a ton of pain so that should be enough of an indicator for me. I am also going back on the Claritin for seasonal allergies, plus before DS it actually stopped me from getting pg as it dried me up. So we will kinda use that as a pseudo BC method.

I just want to enjoy life right now and not worry about having another bad pg for a while, I am sure you ALL understand where this is coming from.

I hope you are all having a decent day and that the sun is shining where you are!

[msnicolea]

I am so sorry to read of everyone's losses. I suffered my second m/c yesterday and it feels pretty awful. I'm trying to distract myself today on CC and LJ--otherwise I just sit around crying. I am 35 years old and I am terrified and heartbroken that I may never have a viable pregnancy.

[happy]

msnicolea - I am so sorry that you have to be here. I hate it when I see new members. I can't imagine what you are going through. I have no real good words of wisdom other than just to say let time heal you. I do have one word of encouragement though. One of my very good friends (who is 38) had two m/c. She then got pregnant the third time and carried the baby full term. She has a beautiful baby girl. It can happen.

[katmg]

msnicolea - Oh, I am so, so sorry that you are rejoining us here - I had seen your happy news in the TTC after a loss thread. I think your fears about never carrying a baby to term are so common here. People saying, at least you know you can get pregnant is SO unhelpful. :( I hope you are able to find some comfort here...

[ieducate]

Well, Jeggink, you couldn't be more on the money with your comments. I feel like the waiting process is so hard, but yet the thought of being pregnant again actually scares me. I want to be pregnant more than anything, but I don't want to go through another m/c. That scares me more than anything. Yesterday on my way home from work I had a total breakdown. I don't know what happened, but I felt like I had been holding my breath for a week. I went back to work this past Monday and everytime someone talked to me and asked how I was I gave the normal response, "I'm hanging in there and taking one day at a time." I believed that I think. I just felt like saying to everyone, "How the heck do you think I'm doing? I'm terrible, miserable, and depressed." But, you can't say that really. No one wants to hear how I am REALLY doing, they want to hear that everything is fine. My mother and my dh are the only ones who have known all week that I am miserable and depressed. My dh called my mother last night during my breakdown and got her on the phone with me. Then he ran downstairs to the kitchen and made me dinner...my comfort food...PB and J. I know most people use icecream as their comfort food, but for some reason PB&J is mine. I LOVE peanut butter. :) Anyway, when my MIL called last night it was back to holding my breath and giving the general response that I am okay and taking one day at a time. I am sick of feeling the pain, masking the pain, hiding the pain, and not feeling like it will ever end. I know it will lessen over time, but time seems to move so slowly when you want to get pregnant. The month that I have to wait (Same as Jeggink) is the longest month of my life. My numbers are still not at zero yet either, which means it will actually be longer before I have my next period. AGH. It seems that it adds insult to injury. I already lost the baby, just get me to zero already. :( I am hoping for an easier, breathing, day today. I hope everyone is finding each day easier and more hopeful. Love to you all.

[LynzeyAHL]

My betas are down to 9 (on tuesday 25) they want me to go back in to make sure its under 2 I mean seriously... under 2?!? I thought under 10 was good enough no?!? :rolleyes:

[katmg]

Lynzey - Yup, I had to get mine down to zero. Before they'd stop blood-testing me. :rolleyes: Luckily mine went from 13 to zero in a week and only meant one more blood draw. The only bright side I could come up with was I was happy the doctor was at least taking this seriously. It's rough though going in for all those blood draws...

[ieducate]

LynzeyAHL: Anything 5 or above on the beta means that you are official pregnant. If you did a pregnancy test at a 9, you will still get a positive. That is why your doctor wants you at a 2. My doctor, like Katmg, wants me at a zero and continues to test me. I was at an 8 as of last Wednesday. :( I just want this part to be over and have it time for me to move on. I can't move on from this while I am still focused on it with blood tests and sonograms. :( AGH. My dh and I went out yesterday with friends of ours that are expecting their first child in 5 weeks. It was extremely difficult to go out with them and even more difficult to go to their place and see the baby's room all made up. I knew it would be hard, but I never imagined it would have been that difficult. It was painful. I am just praying that by the time my December 12th due date rolls around, that I am very pregnant. My dh has already stated that he will do everything in his power to get me pregnant as soon as it is possible...which my doctor says will be sometime in June. June is not that far away, but it seems like a lifetime away for me. I want to be pregnant again so that I can put this behind me as an experience and event that happened and hurt a lot, but didn't destroy me. Getting pregnant again (and hopefully keeping it this time) I feel is the only way to really get me recovered from this. Man, this just sucks. I hope everyone is feeling better each day and has found something positive from this. I am still looking for the positives and hoping they will somehow comfort me. Have a great day.

[numberlady]

I am just praying that by the time my December 12th due date rolls around, that I am very pregnant. ieducate, this is my wish too. I already had certain milestones worked out in my , and by now I think I would be almost 18 weeks and it is very hard to fathom why other people are pregnant and stay pregnant, and I'm not.
msnicolea - I'm so sorry you have to be here ((HUGS))

[LynzeyAHL]

Yea I saw some pregnant teenager at target with her mom and dad buying a travel system and I almost started crying on the spot. I was however happy as a clam to hold my friend's 3 week old baby. I think seeing the baby wasn't as hard as the I'm not pregnant thing right now. Thanksgiving this year will suck if I'm not prego for sure.

DH is the same with me Ieducate - I was supposed to be knocked up and not help have to move at all when we buy our house this summer and DH said he'll do whatever he can to make sure I don't have to lift a finger. He was already like why do we gotta use protection?!? lol he's like who cares if the dr knows the second you got pregnant babies come when they want to anyway right?!?

such a rebel!

So my qt. is do your betas have to be back to 0 before AF can come back? I mean is 0 considered CD 1? I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is up with my cycle coming back. I don't think I'll ever be so happy to see af in all my life... <sigh>

[msnicolea]

I'm sorry that I forgot to post here. I did not M/C--even though I had an abnormal amount of blood, my betas are good and I had an ultrasound on Friday--everything is ok.

I know you ladies will have your turn.

[katmg]

Awesome! So happy to hear that you are not rejoining us here!

[polkadot]

that is great that you are not rejoining us...NOW STAY OUT!!!;) You are welcome here anytime but just as a cheerleader...;)

That is great to hear good news....:D

[littlemia]

Ugh, it sucks so much to be posting in here. I hate that any of us are part of this thread. Last Wednesday, on our anniversary and on the day that we finally got our certificate of occupancy for the house we built, DH and I were told that the baby had quit developing in the 9th week. I was supposed to be 11w4d. What was supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives turned out to be one of the worst (if not the worst). We (especially DH) had worked so hard on that house and we were so happy and relieved that after 2 years (1 year planning and 1 year building) we could actually move in. I'm so angry we couldn't enjoy that.

My midwife recommended that I miscarry naturally. I've been spotting for a week now and I'm doubting it's going to happen on its own. I think I'm going to have to make the decision to either use medications to induce (Cytotec, I assume) or schedule a D&C. I have crappy, high deductible, no maternity coverage insurance so I'm not even sure it will cover a D&C. I guess I can still wait, but it's really hard. I'm being very vague at work and telling people I have a medical issue and might need some time off. I just wish I knew when this time off would come. For those of you who waiting to miscarry naturally, how long did you wait? Did you eventually use medication or have a D&C?

If this does happen soon (by Monday at the latest), do you think I would be physically up for traveling by the 18th? DH and I had a trip to Europe planned. Unfortunately, I don't think we can postpone, so if we can't go we will probably just have to cancel. I love to travel, so if we can't go it will just be another blow. But it won't worth it to be spend lots of money miserable over vacation either.

[happy]

littlemia - I am so sad that you have to join us here. I was in the same situation as you a few months ago. Originally I was just going to wait to MC naturally (I had no spotting though). I couldn't handle that after a few days. I was afraid to go anywhere becuase I was afraid I would start bleeding everywhere. I did end up going with the D&C and it mad the process a lot faster and easier. If you do go ahead with the D&C you will be fine physically to travel on the 18th. I don't know how it would be if you waited. I also liked thd D&C option because it got my body back on track quickly. It was only 30 days between the D&C and my first period. I am so sorry that you have to join us here. The mental pain is the worst part of the whole thing. Time will help heal you

[ieducate]

Littlemia, I am so sorry you are joining us. I understand what Happy was saying about the D&C making it quicker. I have been gradually going down in numbers since last week. April 20th was my official miscarriage date and I was at 200 on that day. As of Saturday the 22nd, I was down to 27. Then the following Wednesday I was at 8. Now I am waiting until Monday to get tested again, but I don't think I am at zero yet. I still have some spotting (slight) and my boobs still hurt. Something in my body is not right. This whole process is driving me crazy. The longer it takes to get me to zero, the longer I have to wait for my next cycle and the longer I have to wait until I can try and get pregnant again. How stinking unfair is that??? I feel quite angry at this whole situation. I feel angry that I lost my baby and then on top of it, my body won't let me move on. AGH. Does anyone know if spotting is normal even this late after the miscarriage? I had a full blown period on the 20th until like the 23rd and then nothing until last night I had some blood. Nothing traumatic by any means, but it seems unusual. I am probably going to call my doctor tomorrow and ask about it, but I figured I would ask here since some of you (unfortunately) have been through this more than once. I just wish my numbers were at zero so that I could move on and count the days until I can try again. I just know that the only thing that will make this pain feel less painful is to be pregnant again. That is really the only way...I know it is. :(

[brenda]

I miscarried naturally and bled for 2 weeks, the first week was awful - heavy bleeding and lots of intermittent pain.

If you have travel plans, I would suggest that you take the D&C. Waiting for the natural MC means you won't know when it will happen or how long it will last. Just a thought.

[kerrykate]

littlemia~ I'm so sorry you had to join us. I miscarried naturally, from the time I found out it wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy until I started to miscarry was almost 2 weeks. I started spotting then bled for almost 2 weeks, heavy for a few days then it tapered off.

We moved a week a go this past Sunday and AF showed up the first day at the new house. It was my first AF since the miscarriage and lasted almost 9 days:rolleyes: So I have to go back and get my blood taken and levels checked, I thought I would be at 0 since AF showed but I got my results on Monday and my beta was at 21... I have to go again in 2 weeks to get them checked. They better be at 0. I think we are going to wait one more month to TTC.

XOXO

[LynzeyAHL]

believing that every thing happens for a reason, we found the perfect house and will be moving soon so now I'm even more ok with why this pregnancy didn't work it just wasn't the right time. So now I get to do all the fun new house stuff. I'm excited AND looking forward to trying again soon

[jeggink]

littlemia So sorry to see you here, get lots of rest!

LynzeyAHL Congrats on the new house, we are in the process of remodeling and then moving into our new house, it definately helps!

msnicolea So happy you didn't have a m/c!

ieducate {{HUGS}}

Well, we may have had an oops that I am sooo not prepared for, we will have to see. We BD'd 3 days before O when I was having fertile cm. I didn't realize it till later that day since I wasn't charting. So there is a chance, although hopefully small. I am supposed to have testing as soon as AF comes and the last thing I want to have to do is go in and say I am pg again, right after my D&C :(. So lets really hope that AF comes in 2 weeks!! All other 3 times I have been pg, it was a BD within 24 hrs of O. Sigh, the drama continues!

[ieducate]

AGH...so tired of waiting. I hate this waiting game more than anything. I am going for another beta test this Monday, but until then I have no idea if I am at 0 yet. The worst thing is, even if I did get to 0 days before, I wouldn't know and can't chart at all since I have no idea. As of the 26th of April I was at 8 and I just want to be almost done with this first month after the m/c. I want to be at the stage where I am TTC again. I hate not knowing where my cycle is. Without taking my temperature everyday I didn't know when O would be. I had to take my temp and do OPK's. Time consuimg, but helped me pinpoint when it was happening. The month I got pregnant I was on Clomid and I knew to the second when I started O...I could feel it. Without the Clomid I can't tell at all. The worst thing is...I don't want to wait. I wish I could tell when I O and then just do it, even though the doctor told me to wait until next month. I don't want to wait anymore. I want to replace some of this pain with a new pregnancy and begin the constant worry about whether or not I will lose this one too. :( I just want to be pg so badly it hurts. We were TTC for so long and finally had a taste of it. The other bad thing is, I tried to get in touch with my doctor this week to find out when we were at least allowed to have sex and I kept playing phone tag...so no answer on that. :( I want to be with my dh and not feel like damaged goods. How long do you have to wait until you start being active in that area again? Anyone know? I m/c'd naturally...no d&c, so I don't know what the protocol is. This whole situation sucks and it seems all my friends and coworkers are either pregnant right now or just had a baby in the last two/three months. It's not the whole world, but at times it seems there isn't a single woman out there who isn't pregnant. :( Why can't it be me? Sorry for expressing the frustrations...I am sure you are all feeling the same thing.

P.S. LynzeyAHL: Congratulations on the new house. That is an exciting event to help keep you occupied. :)

[littlemia]

Thanks for all of your replies and well wishes. I haven't been able to reply until today because I still don't have cable at my house.

After talking with one of the midwives about my options, I decided to take misoprostol (Cytotec) to induce the miscarriage. I called the place where they refer people to have D&Cs and they told me they could get me in on May 19th :rolleyes:. I definitely wasn't waiting that long, so I took the misoprostol. It wasn't a pleasant experience but once my water broke and the Darvocet kicked in, it wasn't that painful. I'm going back to the midwife's office today to see if she thinks I passed everything. God, I hope so.

Kerrykate and Ieducate, I'm so sorry that you're still waiting for your beta's to reach zero. I know I'm definitely worried that it will be a long time before mine go down.

[polkadot]

littlemia~I am so sorry you have to go through all of this...but I am sure you are gald to have the process done with...(((hugs)))

kerrykate & ieducate~ so sorry you are both having to wait till your numbers reach zero...it feels like it will take forever...(((hugs)) to both of you...

I on the other hand have done something that i feel like i am regretting....I am 6DPO and two days ago i discovered that i had a YI...i was going to try and wait it out until today and call the doctors office but it was so painful I decided to call my aunt who is an OB nurse and she what she said. She said it was perfectly OK for me to use one of the OTC creams as long as it wasnt the 1-3 day kind...those are very strong....so i got the 7 day cream well late night after i used it about 15 minutes later I got a horrible burning itching sensation and when I went to check I was spotting...it was pink and it has stopped but i have scared the daylights out of myself....I have a dr apt at 3:30 so we will see what happens then...i really hope i have not done anything stupid like screwed up the chances of implant or anything else...and i know its too early for a blood test to confirm or deny the PG so i just have to wait...:mad: :confused: i am so mad with myself right now...

thanks for listening

[littlemia]

Yesterday afternoon was just awful. I went to the midwife's office to be checked and as soon as she got the speculum in and looked she could tell it wasn't all out. So she proceded to pull the "products of conception" out of me. Not very fun. Painful both physically and emotionally. I wasn't at all prepared for it. She gave me more misoprostol and a prescription to have an u/s done that afternoon. Of course, all of that made me bleed heavily. I was prepared for it Thursday, but not yesterday. Luckily I had a heavy-duty pad with me but emotionally, I just wasn't ready to deal with all of that blood again.

The u/s didn't go any better. The tech was not very gentle at all (I had an internal) and didn't seem to care. After she was done, she just left. Didn't tell me what to do to check out and just left me there with gel and blood coming out of me with nothing to clean up with. Thankfully there's a bathroom in the room, so I waddled over there and cleaned myself up. During the u/s, I could just tell by the comments by the tech and from what little I could see on the screen that it's not all out. They did a wet read, so my midwife got the results last night, but she still hasn't contacted me. I'll try calling again after lunch.

I think my only option now is to have a D&C. I have no idea when they'll be able to get me in. It has to be soon, I can't deal with all of this any longer. I still really want to be able to take this trip next Thursday. For those of you who had a D&C, how soon after would you have been able to travel? Did you have general anesthesia?

[happy]

littlemia - I am so sorry that you are still having to deal with all of this. It is such an awful feeling not being in control of what your body is doing. I hated that aspect of the whole thing. I had a D&C and I could have traveled the next day (I would assume that a Doc. Would let you. I didn’t really have any restrictions well except for the obvious afterwards). I had general anes. and so I was super tired the day I had the procedure. I had not pain just bleeding like a period after that point. It was not bad at all.

[wasabi_green_peas]

littlemia, I am so sorry that this process has become even longer and more painful (both physically and emotionally) for you. Everyone is different, but my D&C was not physically painful. I was generally sore for the next few days. However, perhaps 5 or 6 days afterwards, I had horrible cramps and a lot of bleeding. You might not have the same experience. Good luck in your decision and I hope your ordeal comes to an end asap.

ieducate, I think we can all understand your frustration and sadness. I totally understand the desire to be pregnant again. It's tough. I hope you and kerrykate's numbers reach 0 quickly.

LynzeyAHL and kerry kate, Congratulations on your new houses! We just moved in January. (Actually, the first weekend in my new house is when I got my BFP.)

polkadot, I'm sorry about you YI. I don't think you did anything to possibly impair your pregnancy chances. I try and remember that in the 'real world' pregnancies are quite resilient. And although hard to avoid, I feel like worrying solves nothing in the end.

I hope everyone else is happy and healthy (or on their way there).

As for me, I've been somewhat contented lately (7 weeks post last miscarriage). We've gutted our kitchen. It was hard because I made a lot of decisions when I was pregnant, trying to fast track the process. After I miscarried, I still had quite a few decisions to make and I couldn't have cared less. I was in the mindset of, "I don't care what color the freaking backsplash is! This frivolity doesn't matter! My baby is gone!" Luckily, those thoughts have subsided and I've been happy with the distraction - unhappy with the dust, missing sink, rerouted sewer pipe, blown budget, etc.... Oh well, no pain, no gain.

Wishing everyone health, hope and happiness! Jenn

[pacificbliss]

littlemia I am so sorry this just keeps going on for you. I had a D&C and did not have a general. I just had some AF like cramps and bleeding so I could have travelled.

[polkadot]

littlemia~ I am so sorry that these professionals have no bedside manner...it is horrible that you have to go through this at all much less when people are so unsympathetic...:rolleyes: (((hugs))) to you and i hope this all end very soon for you.

Me~ Well, i called about my cycle days 3 &21 bloodwork....the cycle day 3 bloodwork was normal..which i expected...the 21 day bloodwork was sent for the wrong test. :rolleyes: The nurse apologized said it was her fault and that she was sending it to be retested with the correct orders and that she would call me tomorrow with the results. I am kinda prepared for her to come back and say that my proges. was low and that i may not have Oed. I only say this b/c I know that i didnt O until day 18 which meant that at day 21 i was only 3DPO instead of 7 like it should be. I am ok with this b/c i told him that i usually Oed later and he said that if my Progest. was low and I was Oing later then I had two things workign against us...so i will probably be spending my summer on Clomid and progest. suppositories...but i guess it culd be worse....i'll let yall know when she calls me tomorrow...

[xhristina]

Littlemia - I'm so sorry for all you've been through. If it helps, I had a D&C under local anesthesia about a month ago now. They gave me a few sedatives (one of them was valium I believe) and they really relaxed me and made me sleepy. I didn't feel much throughout the procedure (it was very short). I felt crampy for a very short period of time towards the end of it, but it wasn't more than a few seconds and then it was all over and I was left to nap in the room for awhile (best sleep I've had in a long time).

I went home and expected to be in bed all weekend, but I actually felt well enough to go out to dinner that SAME night with my husband and mom. I was very surprised. I had some light spotting on the that day and the next. On the 3rd day after the D&C, I had a little heavier bleeding, but not bad, nothing that would deter me from traveling. Ask your doctor, but I'm sure you'll be fine to travel (and it will probably do you some good to go out and spend time with your husband and enjoy the sights). Best of luck!

[ieducate]

Well, I am finally at zero as of Monday. However, I could have reached zero anytime in the last two weeks...since the 26th of April which was my last beta test. I am so relieved to be at zero so that I am able to finally grieve this and move on. I felt like I was in limbo this whole time. I just wish the next 4-6 weeks until I ovulate again would come quickly. I wish I didn't have to go through one full cycle before trying, but I understand why my doctor wants me to wait. I have to go back on clomid again (which isn't a big deal) and she is putting me back on progesterone, but this time much, much earlier...like 48 hours after I O. ANyway, wanted to share the news that I was finally at zero. Seems like it took forever. I hope you are all well today.

Littlemia...what you have been through is awful. It is bad enough that any of us here have had to go through the loss of a baby, but to have all the physical stuff along with it only makes it worse. I hope that today is a better day for you and that you start to heal physically and emotionally.

[littlemia]

Thank you ladies so much for your support. I had a really hard time these last two days and it was so helpful to have this outlet.

I don't have time to post much right now, but I wanted to let everyone know that I got some good news today. I finally got the results of my u/s on Monday and they believe the miscarriage is complete. I guess what the tech was measuring were just blood clots and such. The dr. at the radiology place was supposed to give me my results, but there was some sort of miscommunication because I didn't hear from my midwife until today. I'm crossing my fingers that everything was interpreted correctly and I can begin to heal physically. I really needed this news today, too, because my ex-coworker came by work today with her baby and that was really, really difficult. I think I might have had to turn around and go home if I hadn't had that news.

[brenda]

Littlemia - I am glad to hear that you're physical ordeal is nearing its end. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

[wasabi_green_peas]

Hope this message finds everyone ok. ((( ))) to everyone.

I personally am a mess sitting here sobbing. It is a terribly lonely and isolating feeling. My husband would love to be able to comfort me, but I don't know what (save being pregnant again) could help.

I would have been 18 weeks pregnant now. The knowledge of that is too real. I wish I could deprogram my brain from knowing these things.

On top of this, I don't know why, but I've been having such strong flashbacks in my dreams to the last prenatal visits I had when I found out I had a problem. They were traumatic and disconcerting. I don't generally remember my dreams. The last time I had strong dreams I was pregnant. So like a hopeful sack, I thought perhaps I was. Although I haven't gotten confirmation of it, AF seems just around the corner. Stupid me. And cruel on Mother's Day, too. I wish I had a fast-forward button because this is just too too hard, especially when I had been doing *so* well. I know this process is two steps forward, one step back, but today seems like four steps back.

Thanks for listening. I'm embarrassed to post this.

I hope and pray you all are faring well. I think of you all often and keep you in my good intentions.

[polkadot]

i am soooo depressed...i had a huge temp drop...and still having cramping. Yes, today has been very hard....i would also be around 20 weeks...my sister is a constant reminder....she is still pregnant...I am expecting AF anytime now...today has been very hard....:(

[ieducate]

I so understand how everyone feels today. I completely agree that they say it is two steps forward, one step back, but most of the time I feel like it is one step forward, with 4 or 5 steps back. I have my moments where I think I am okay with all that happened and other days, like yesterday (Mother's Day) where I seriously wonder if I will be a mother this time next year. I have tried so hard to stop myself from thinking about what would have been, but it is really hard. My husband doesn't seem to feel the loss the same way I do...not anymore anyway. He is still sad, but I am still really depressed about it. I cry still, though not in front of him. It has been 3 1/2 weeks since I lost the baby and all I want is to hear that I am pregnant again. I know it will be a long time before that happens again, since I didn't get to zero until recently, but I too wish I could fast forward. I just wish time wouldn't go so slow when I want to be pregnant so darn bad. My mother says to cherrish each day and not feel the need to rush through it, but it is so difficult to do that. I want to be happy with my everyday life, and be thankful for what I DO have, but it is most difficult to forget what I lost. wasabi_green_peas: If you figure out how to deprogram the brain, please let me know. I wish I could just stop thinking about being wanting to be pregnant and the fact that I was, but am no longer. :( Thanks. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for all of us.

[flygirl]

I think yesterday was a hard day for all of us. I would be exactly 34 weeks today, and it's just so hard to comprehend. To top it off, my bff had her regular 27-week appt on Friday and was feeling perfectly fine (other than tired & a little cranky). Turns out she's 3cmm dialated & has been put on bed-rest for the rest of the pg.

But to be honest, I really haven't been paying attention to how far along I would have been. It's always there, but only pops up when something related happens. It was very difficult in the beginning; I guess we all feel like the only thing that can make it better is to be pg again. Only we couldn't start trying again. But it *does* get better, I promise. I know those are only words, but no matter what else happens, time helps.

Right now, I guess all I can say is (((HUGS)))).

[jeggink]

I hope everyone had a decent Sunday, even though it was tough :(.

Polkadot So sorry about the temp drop :( and that your blood work was screwed up!

littlemia Glad to hear your m/c was complete!

ieducate Glad your HCG is at O, that must be a relief!

So no oops, got AF today. I called the dr like I was supposed to. I thought I was getting CD3 bloodwork, but nope, it is 6-7 days after I O. So I have an appt June 7th to get that bloodwork and a pelvic exam, yuk, but if I O a little later, I will call them and move my appt. So no pg this month either :(. I wish I was getting answers sooner, but at least we will have already moved into out new place and that stress will be gone.

I also found out that a coworkers wife is pg at the beginning of Jan, hitme like a brick, but managed to congratulate him. No one in the office knows of the 2 mc's.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good week.

[littlemia]

Sorry Sunday was so hard for everyone. I, too, had a terrible day. I know exactly what you ladies mean about 4 steps back. I had a pretty decent Saturday (actually got out of the house for something besides work) but Sunday I woke up bleeding kinda heavily and it all went downhill from there. It felt like it had all happened yesterday. Luckily the bleeding has gotten a lot lighter since then. I saw the midwife today and she said everything seemed okay to her which is good news because I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Germany. They're testing my betas but I won't know the results until I get back. I'm sure they're not low enough but hopefully they've dropped quite a bit and will continue to drop.

polkadot, sorry about your temp drop. :(

jeggink, sorry about AF. I know work must be very difficult for you. No one knows about my m/c and while I want to keep this private it's hard because sometimes I want to explain why I haven't been myself for the last few months.

wasabi_green_peas, please don't feel embarrassed to post here. There's no reason to feel embarrassed about your feelings, they're perfectly normal and I think most of us in this thread can relate.

ieducate, congrats on getting back to 0!

[ieducate]

Does anyone know exactly how normal is your first cycle after you have a m/c? Do you O around the same time as you would normally? What I mean is, once you are at zero, do you still have to wait until CD14 through whatever is normal for you before you O? Or does it happen at a different rate because you had a m/c? THe reason I ask this is because I didn't reach zero until sometime between April 27th and May 8th (May 8th being when I went for the blood test and it confirmed that I had indeed reached zero)...Anyway, I didn't reach zero until sometime between those dates, but I think I ovulated on May 6th. Is that possible? The other reason I ask is because my dh and I were "romantic" on the 6th of May and now I am having some of my old pregnancy symptoms...sore bbs, more hormonal than usual, high temperature (although that could be from being slightly under the weather a while ago). Is it even possible or am I looking for it to be there and it simply isn't? I did an HPT but it was negative. I am thinking that even if I were pg., it would be too early to show up on a HPT anyway. What does everyone think about the cycle thing? I have never been pg. before this last time and of course never had a m/c. Therefore, I don't know what is normal versus abnormal for the first "cycle" after the m/c. Thanks for your help. :)

[pacificbliss]

ieducate I don't know, cycles can be really odd after a m/c. My cycle started on exactly the same day it would have had I not been pg for 2 months. It's like my body was still tracking my cycle even if AF never came and I always wondered if that meant my O time stayed the same. Maybe it does. Sorry, I know this isn't very helpful. Good luck to you.

[jeggink]

ideucate I had 2 D&Cs but my 1st cycle was 10 days longer after the 1st and about 5 days longer the second time. My LP stayed the same as normal, so I just O'd a bit later. It is definately possible to get pg on the 1s cycle after a m/c. You don't have to reach exactly 0 to ovulate, just close.

[flygirl]

I could tell through CM & other symptoms that my first cycle post-m/c was picture-perfect (wasn't actually charting). I've actually heard that it's incredibly easy to get pg the first cycle post-m/c, and given my CM, I wouldn't be surprised. But honestly, I can't think off the top of my head how your betas would affect that.

In other news, I'm at my parents' until tomorrow. One of their good friends came to visit today. Her daughters were huge rivals of mine growing up. I found out that her eldest daughter is due with her 3rd on July 11, 10 days after I would have been. Her middle daughter, a month older than I & my true rival, is 6 months pg with her first. This has been the most difficult pg news to deal with since one of my bff was pg 5 weeks after my m/c.

[purplesunshine7]

update please m/c may 22,06
Had doc appt today was suppose to be 12 weeks and suppose to hear heart beat but didn't. baby died at 8 weeks d& c is scheduled for wed. this is number 2 m/c. ifeel hopeless and confused and feel like i let dh down and I don't know what to say or do to make t better except iam sorry.

[wasabi_green_peas]

purplesunshine7,

((( ))) What can I say? I can't think of anything that might alleviate your pain. I am so very sorry about your loss. It hurts so deeply. And Life is a cruel mistress that this has happened to you again.

Please feel free to vent, cry and rail at the unfairness of it all here.

Take care of yourself and do whatever feels right in the next few days and weeks. If that means staying at home, stay at home. If that means crying on your H's or a dear friend's shoulder, cry. You need to listen to whatever's in your heart.

I will say one thing. and feel like i let dh down You have to actively prevent your mind from assessing blame on yourself. You did *nothing* wrong! If you did nothing wrong, you can not have let someone down. And you can NOT let your mind venture down that path. It's not accurate and only serves to intensify your pain. You need to be GOOD to yourself!

I understand all too well myself. I also have had 2 m/c's. :(

Again, I'm sorry. ((( )))

[polkadot]

purple....i am so sorry you are having to go through this again. (((hugs))) to you and dh. Nothing we can say can make you feel better...but we are here for you to vent and cry and whatever else you need to do...

(((((more hugs)))))

[Franni]

purple Just wanted to echo what wasabi said. It is not your fault and taking the blame for something that is not in your control just intensifies the pain and puts you in a worst place. You need to be good to yourself.

We are here for you.

[ag05]

I would like to join I think. Will post my stats in a bit. I have been lurking for a while now.

purplesunshine - I am so sorry. My heart just breaks for you.

[pacificbliss]

purplesunshine I just wanted to echo everyone's thoughts, to say that I am sorry and to please try not to blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done.

ag05 sorry to see you here but I find this group very comforting and hope you do too.

[ag05]

ag05
Me: 33
DH: 31
Married: 2001
M/C: 11/04 - 13 weeks w/ D&C
M/C: 2/05 - 5.5 weeks
M/C: 11/05 - 4.5 weeks
M/C: 5/06 - 9.5 weeks w/ D&C
TTC: no plans


I wanted to come out of lurkdom and join. It has been about 3 weeks since my latest D&C. This time tissue from the baby was sent off for genetic testing. Still waiting on those results.

[ieducate]

Ag05, sorry you have to join us here and sorry for your terrible loss...again. purplesunshine7, you have to keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong and I am sure your dh knows that too. Don't blame yourself...a m/c is hard enough without blame coming into it. Keep your chin up. I wish there was something more I could say. The pain is all to real and each day does get a little easier. My thoughts are with you and your dh today.

[jeggink]

Ag05 So sorry to see you joining. I hope you get the answers you need!

Purplesunshine7 Sorry you are back :(. The 2nd one defiantely sucks as mine was just about a month ago now. It is NOT your fault. Will the dr do any blood work? I know mine won't do genetic testing until the 3rd, but is testing for other items like Lupus, blood issues, thyroid, progesterine, etc.

[purplesunshine7]

hi ladies thanks for your kind words. the rest of this is just one big rant. Today dh and I are cleaning the whole house I don't know why I just feel complelled to. I sent him to get the steam cleaner, I am sorry all of us have to be here, I just don't know how to keep going past this one. the first one hurt but I understood that sometimes it happens the first time. I just don't understand this one. Dh is being great, but I can still see the pain in his eyes and that hurts me too. I figure if you own a gun and someone takes it and hurts someone then it's your responsibility because it was your gun, so if it is my body then wasn't I responsible for it. why isn't my fault, it was in my care. I know I didn't do anything directly to it but I can't help but thing it' is my fault. I don't thing this one is going to be easier to get over. I don't thing I ever want ttc again. My doctor said she would send it the lab it see if there were any chromosone problems. There probably isn't it's just my stupid bodies fault. why does god need this one too. he already has my other one. What if there my baby suffered in pain. I feel so bad. I am also scared of the d%c as my first one was natural. I don't know what to expect. I wanted to punch my doctor in her mouth, when I asked her why it keeps happening she said I don't know it ONLY your second one, What Only it souldn't have happened at all I can't stand that insensitive you know what. I hate having this baby in me that isn't alive. I am sorry to seen selfish I know some of you have lost more than me and I don't know how you keep going on through it, I want it babdly but not enough to keep going through this this emotional bs. My dh husband won't share his feelings with me and I understood the first time he wouldn't but I need to see him cry I need him to be mad at me I want him to yell. I told him to find a new wife because it looks like I will never be able to give him children. he didn't say anything he justed huged me. they say when a door close another one opens , I don't see it yet all the doors are closed. well I have a whole day to clean so I'll end my rant for now, besides I'am all out of tears for now, thanks for listening and I don't mean to be selfish, I am sorry any of us have to be here.

[shouldaeloped]

purplesunshine- I am so so sorry that this has happened to you twice in a row. I miscarried my first two pregnancies as well and I can't even begin to describe the pain. just like you, I felt as though I had let DH down. you know that song 100 years by Five for Fighting? everytime he heard that lyric "a family on my mind" he would start to cry. it killed me everytime. I just felt so responsible. we went through all the testing and they found nothing wrong. just one of those things I was told. better to have nothing wrong than something wrong I was told. whatever. give me something I can fix so I know I can be successful next time. I would get so angry and upset over those comments. I ended up going to see a counselor to help me deal with the pain and the grief and the sense of loss. she also helped to learn to trust my body again. I know there aren't any words that can make you feel better right now. . all I can do is share my experience in hopes that it gives you a little hope for yourself. I can encourage you to cry like there is no tomorrow and to grieve the babies you have lost. eventually, you will start to see the light at the end of this very long tunnel and you will be ready to try to trust your body again. as you are going through all of this, just know that every woman here has been there and is thinking about you and hoping you find a way to make it through.

take care of yourself.

[ajlanden]

ag05 & purplesunshine7-Just popping in to let you know that I am thinking about you. I am so sorry.

[ag05]

purplesunshine - Gosh I am so sorry. Wish I could think of something to say to make you feel better. We are here for you though.


Thanks everyone. I found out today that my baby had irregular chromosomes. Thats all the OB nurse would tell me. To find out more, they are making me schedule an appointment with my RE. I guess I am okay with this news.

[happy]

ag05 - Sorry about the irregular chromosones. At least you know that there was a reason for this loss. I am so sorry that you have to join us again. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Hopefully you will be able to get some answers soon.

purplesunshine - I am so sorry about the 2 m/c. I cannot even begin to feel what you are feeling right now. Just know that you are in my thougts and prayers. Cry and cry and cry and eventually everything will feel better. I hope that you get some answers after your testing. I am with you I almost want something to be wrong with me because then at least I would know that there was a solution. D&C's are really no big deal. It is not anything that anyone wants to go through but it is a very easy procedure so don't worry about that.

[ag05]

happy - Thanks. I do feel a little better knowing what happened.


I went to my regular doctor today due to having headaches, fatigue, and more stuff ever since my D&C. He put me on antidepressants. Sure I'm sad at times but I don't know that it warrants antidepressants. Oh well. Hope everyone is doing okay.

[bellabonga]

I will have my d&c tomorrow, so please add me.


Me: 33
DH: 35
Married: October 2nd, 2002
M/C: Missed Abortion at 10w4d but he or she had been dead for about a week by then. Three days later d&c on May 26th, 2006.
TTC: September 2006
DD: Maya Allison February 14th, 2003

[purplesunshine7]

Hi , ladies had d& c yestrday. Don't know if I feel better or worst, I know I feel like crap.Dh has been very sweet waiting on me hand and foot. I wish he wouldn't because I know he hurts too. Well I am still sleppy just wanted to stop by and update.

Bella I am so sorrry you have to join us. take care.

[numberlady]

Wow, I have missed this thread for a while and came back in to see so many new ladies join. I am so sorry that you are all here with us. I only know the hurt of one m/c and can't imagine the additional pain and burden having multiples would cause both me and dh. I hope you all take care of yourselves and your dh's too.

[ieducate]

Purple, I completely understand all of your emotions. I don't think I could have said it any better myself. The anger, upset, depression, etc. that you feel is all normal...at least it was all like that for me too. It still is. I am certain that until I have a healthy baby I will still feel the pain of my loss. It is not being selfish to express the way you feel...it is natural. I understand what you mean about the dh too. It is most difficult to feel like you are going through this alone, but know that you aren't. Your dh is probably not discussing how he feels to protect you. My dh and I got into it the other night and I finally told him I was upset because he didn't seem bothered by the m/c anymore and I am still so upset about it (even a month later). He said he wasn't talking about the way he feels about it because he didn't want to upset me further. I can appreciate his sensitivity, but his lack of conversation about it made me think he didn't care anymore...that he was no longer bothered by it. He is just not that talkative about his feelings anyway, but this in particular he was purposely avoiding conversations about to protect my feelings. Perhaps your dh is doing the same thing. Again, there are no words to make your pain go away and I can only imagine that the 2nd time is even more difficult than the first, but please try not to blame yourself. You really aren't to blame and things will get easier each day. I know it is so cliche to say that time heals all wounds, but it really does. Please keep hope and smile, for if nothing else, at least your house is really clean. :)
On another note: I got AF on Tuesday and went to the doctor on Wednesday for my first checkup post m/c. She gave me a clean bill of health and told me we could try again when I O in a few weeks. I am also back on the clomid on day 5. I am so anxious to get pg. again, but so darn nervous too. I so don't want to go through another m/c and that thought scares me to no end. Anyway, I have to get to work before I lose my job....Hope everyone has a great day today.

[Tenny]

Hello ladies!

I’m not sure what is compelling me to write this. I was a member of this thread over on WC. My first m/c (missed) was at 12w 5d followed by a D&C in Dec 03 and then my second was at 6 weeks in March 04. I now have a healthy and happy 13-month-old DS. But I often think about those babies I lost and then I think that thousands of women are dealing with a lost now. I just wanted to stop in and tell you that my heart goes out to each and every one of you. The effects of those m/c’s and the pain it brought still affects me today and I am a changed woman now because of them. But the changes are not all bad. Because of those m/c’s I appreciate life more and when I finally did get pg and have the healthy baby I appreciated every little thing.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let you know that while you will never forget your babies there is life after a m/c. And I also wanted to say how sorry I am that you all have to go through this.

Take care!

[Tenny]

I also wanted to post something that I wrote after my m/c and posted in the old WC thread. I hope this helps some of you!

May 7, 2004

So, I started to just write my thoughts down and then decided to email them to all of you. I don't know what I hope to gain from this, and I'm not looking for sympathy, nor do I want it. Maybe I just want everyone to have a better understand of that I and many other women are going through.

Did anyone watch ER last night? I ask because it was really emotional, and even today, I'm thinking about it. It was hard to watch Carter's girlfriend loss the baby, but at the same time I'm glad (well, I don't know if glad is the right word) that the show had it turn out that way. It really makes people open their eyes. While the events in last night's ER are upsetting, it was so realistic, as opposed to so many sitcoms. It seems that, in every movie or sitcom, a woman takes a pregnancy test, and nine months later they pop out a healthy baby. No complications, no blood tests, no shots, no supplements, no bed rest, no high blood pressure. The pregnancy, the mother, and the baby are always 100% okay. I know all too well that a positive pregnancy test does not equal a baby, but everywhere you turn that is what you are led to believe. I don't ever remember even hearing the word miscarriage in health class (but then again, when you are talking to a bunch of teenagers about sex, you want to scare the crap out of them, so maybe that isn't the best place to bring up the subject of miscarriage).

The first time I heard the word miscarriage I was 17 and my older sister had one, and, to be honest, I knew what the word meant, but I really didn't understand all that is wrapped up in that word. A miscarriage is just not a lost of a baby, it is a lost of hope, a lost of a dream, a lost of security, a lost of one's self. People may not think of us as "Mothers", and shouldn’t have these feeling, but we are, we are mothers who have never held their babies. You get comments like "Oh it wasn't a real baby", "You can try again", "At least it happened now", "You're young and you can have other children", or "It was God's plan". When hearing comments like these, you know that the person saying them doesn't understand, even if that person is a mother herself, but you really can't blame them because they really can't have any idea of what you are going through. In that split second when reality hits you and you learn that your baby has died, the whole world seems to stop, and when it starts spinning again EVERYTHING is different. That is the biggest thing that I don't think people realize. In the weeks, months, and years following a miscarriage, you may act normal to the outside world, but you are still crying on the inside. People assume you are okay, and people forget. They no longer walk on eggshells around you. They no longer think before they speak. They no longer remember that you were supposed to be pregnant or have a baby by now. They forget. But to us mothers who have experienced a miscarriage, you never forget, and with every turn there is a reminder: A baby commercial on TV, a song, a smell, a taste, the sight of a pregnant woman walking by, and then there's all those sitcoms where everyone is so happy. It can be something not even pregnancy related that can bring us to tears. But it isn't just that fact that we are sad. Now, because of the miscarriage we truly are different people. Our view of the world changes, and our outlook on life changes. Everything about us is different.

Then there is a day when we become pregnant again, which, you would think, is a joyous occasion, right? Wrong. The naïve excitement of being pregnant is now gone. Gone are the happy, carefree days of buying baby clothes and maternity clothes, planning for a nursery, or spreading the news quickly and freely. All these things, it seems, jinx the pregnancy. So you wait, and wait, and wait some more, and just hope and pray that things will work out the next time. For some it will, but for others, like me, it happens again, only this time no one knows, so they don't know that they should be sensitive. They are not walking on eggshells or watching what they say. They are the same as they were yesterday, not thinking twice before speaking, and not remembering.

Now, luckily, pro-active doctors like mine are able to test to see if something is really wrong. Then, there comes the trip down a very lonely road, a road that no one talks about going down. You feel like you are the only person on that road, but the truth is there are many woman on the road, but everyone is silent. So, again, you begin to travel through a life where everyone thinks you are ok, when, at times, you are barely surviving, barely able to hold back those tears. You are forcing a smile at every turn and just holding on to that little bit of hope that one day you will get that positive pregnancy test again. Someday, the happy ending may come like all the sitcoms, but one thing that the sitcoms can never show is that the path that you took to get there is forever changed.

[polkadot]

OMG....i am crying...that is me...i am copying this for safe keeping to explain to others....what the hell is going on with me....

thanks so much for posting it....

[ag05]

bellabonga - I am so sorry for your loss.

purple - Hope you are doing okay today.

numberlady and ajlanden - Thanks.

tenny - Thanks for posting that excerpt. It helped.


Well yesterday was a bit rough for me. Alcohol is a no no for me I've decided. I'm going to try and have a little fun this weekend though. Going to NYC.

[pacificbliss]

ag05 For quite a while my emotions were to colose to surface and alcohol was definitely out so I understand how that feels. Try to have some fun in NYC.

[ieducate]

Tenny, that was moving and meaningful beyond belief. It was as if you were writing all my exact thoughts. Thank you for those words. :)

[purplesunshine7]

D and C went fine I guess, I woke up out of recovery screeming give me back my baby, They had a hard time calming me down. I slept most of the day aftr that. My mom went off on the doctor afterwards because she never takes the time to explain anything to me. I started smoking again, I know I shouldn't have but I don't have any other to de stress. I don't want to go back to my work, dh said it was up to me, that means we would have to touch our savings until I find a new job but at least I wouldn't feel pressured to hurry back to work, I am not sure what to do I really hate that job. dh got into car accident with my car yesterday, nothing serious but enough to stress me out more. The crying seems to have subsided unless I go to sleep inthe bedroom or take a shower, last night I slept on the sofa. I don't know why those places affect me that way they just do. we didn't get the whole house cleaned but oh well it still looks good. I don't think we'll be trying agin for a long time. I though this was our miracle baby it was the last cycle before starting clomid and we had did it. I guess it wasn't meant to be. It just makes me think that I or we were suppose to do something else before having a baby. Or maybe dh and I weren't meant to be with each other. I am just so frusterated. I know he is probably tiered of taking care of me running to the store and such other things. I have sporractic cramps and I can't drive yet because of them. I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Bella I am thinking of you today, please take care.

[papergirl]

purplesunshine - i am sorry that you are having to travel this rough road again. i hope in some way you are able to find peace with all that you have gone through. i know it will take a long time but i really do hope it comes to you.

[purplesunshine7]

Bumble thank you for those kind words. I know in time the pain will lessen as it did before. I have just never been much of a pacience person. somehow this one seems worse than the last maybe because this one was planned, I don't know however the anaversery date of the first one is on friday which doesn't make it any better. Today was a good day though and I guess that is all that counts for now. Everyone have a safe hoilday.

[bellabonga]

My d&c went fine and I´m really glad that this is over. Although it was strange knowing that my baby was dead in my belly for at least a week, it was very good for me that I got to know it on Tuesday and had the d&c not until Friday. I had some days to say goodbye to both my baby and my pregnancy. I had already had so much plans for both the pregnancy and life with my baby, so many visions that do not come true and I needed to say goodbye to them too. It would have been even harder on me if they had ripped my baby out of my uterus directly after telling me the truth. So when I got into the hospital on Friday, I already did not feel pregnant anymore. Fortunately the d&c didn´t hurt at all except that I had pretty strong afterpains during Saturday night. But they only lasted for 4-5 hours and otherwise I´m physically fine.

The psychic side is another one. I am still so sad and I sometimes wish I could stay in bed and cry all day long. Sometimes I manage to distract myself or even be happy but the thought of my baby always comes back after some minutes. There are so many things that remind me - a maternity shirt I forgot to put away, a park I drive by where I envisioned how I would sit there on a blanket next summer with my crawling baby, the mentioning of x-mas and it gets really bad when I see someone pregnant. I hope I can hold it together when I meet my pregnant friend again for the first time after this happened. She is three weeks further along than I would have been and although I am really happy for her (she had to have IVF and it took her two years to get pregnant), it will hurt really badly to see her belly grow and to know that her baby will be three weeks older than mine would have been. I really hope that I will be pregnant again when my baby should have been born. It would make things much easier for me.

What helped me is that I bought a beautiful frame and framed the only nice ultrasound picture I have of my baby. It´s strange that it is the picture I got when the doctor told me that it had died but still it looks so perfect and cute and I wanted to keep it since it´s part of our family. We decided to name the baby Nathaniel and that also helped me. I wanted it to have a name. Otherwise it would have been as if it had never existed. And I feel that I am mother to two children now, even though it died so early.

I am lucky that my doctor has ordered to do some genetic testing on the placenta and Nathaniel, so maybe we´ll be able to find out what went wrong. If Nathaniel was a boy, we might also be able to find that out but we won´t if it was a girl. What kept me going for the last days was that I did a lot of research on the internet to see what else might have been wrong apart from genetic disorders. I will have my thyroid tested again to see if that had something to do with it and I will have my progesterone levels checked again. I have taken monk´s pepper tree pills before the pregnancy to get pregnant in the first place because my progesterone levels were too low. So maybe the level dropped too much when I quit these pills. I so hope that it was something that doesn´t increase the risk of another MC.

On the downside, purplesunshine, I have started smoking again too this week. :( I know it doesn´t make any sense since I want to TTC again after my first AF but I´m just so depressed. So I´ve decided to allow myself a week of smoking and will quit again then although quitting really sucks each time.

Thank you for reading if anyone got to this point...

[purplesunshine7]

hi bella,
I am so glad your procedure went ok and yet so sorry you had to have it done in the first place. The one thing that keeps me smiling is that one day I believe I will see both my babies in heaven. I was looking on the internet as well about abnormal chromosones to see what could have caused it. I won't have any results for another two weeks. I hope it is just something that can't be explained. I really thing I will give up all hope if there is a chromsone problem that they can't fix. I heard last night that 60% of all pregnacies in women who smoke during the first 12 weeks end up with some kind of defect. I am hopeing that is would could have happened as well I usually quit smoking when I find out I am pregnant, so I'll try quiting again as soon as doctor gives ok ttc again.
I know it hurts to think of the plans we had for our babies, I was really looking forward to christmas and my birthday as they are both in the same month now I know they are both going to be difficult, as last christmas was difficult for me too.
I have decided I am not going to chart my temps or plan bding this time around I just think if it's meant to be it will happen again.

Take care of yourself, I hope you find peace in your heart soon.((hugs))

[bellabonga]

Purplesunshine, I´m usually not a religious person but I so hope too that someday Nathaniel and I will meet again. My daughter has caught a lot of the drama and kept asking me painful questions like "Did it flew out of the window or out of the door when they took it out of your belly to fly into the sky?" I´ve told her that our baby is now a little star at the sky and that we might be able to see it on a cloudless night. Now she wants to have stars glued to her ceiling to be able to see the baby in cloudy nights too. :rolleyes:

I don´t think that smoking until you find out has something to do with mc. There are so many women who drink heavily until they find out and their babies usually turn out okay too since the baby isn´t fully connected to the mother´s system. So I refuse to blame me smoking for it. I quit at 5w so that shouldn´t have been the problem. As far as I understood I will get the results in about a month.

I will have to get showered now since I have my first obgyn appointment after my d&c in an hour. I so do not want to go and have them stick anything inside of me. :( And I hope I manage to stay calm and collected during the talk to my doctor. I´d hate to start bawling my eyes out hysterically once I see him and am in this room again but I fear that this might happen. And I hate it that I know that there´ll be lots of pregnant women sitting in the waiting room.

But I´m curious when I´m allowed to TTC again. The doctors at the hospital said I should wait 3 months but I´ve read everywhere that this advise is outdated. So I really hope that my doctor doesn´t share this 3mths-opinion. I´m not sure though if I should take monk´s pepper again because maybe I forced something that wasn´t supposed to happen. But without it I will probably need at least two years to get pregnant which would make me 35. I haven´t charted so far but I understand why you don´t want to do it for a while. It puts so much pressure on the whole thing. But I will probably feel the pressure until I´m able to hold a new baby in my arms. I so hope this day will come again.

Thank you for being there! It´s so good to talk to someone who knows what I´m going through. :)

[flygirl]

bellabonga, I'm glad the procedure went well & you're feeling OK physically. Emotionally, that's the hard part. Your post is beautiful and I hope you can soon turn those thoughts into positives again. Just a thought on prog levels, it's possible they dipped too low, but that would more likely lead to a spontaneous m/c rather than a missed a. Hopefully your doc will monitor your levels next time & give you supps as necessary.

As for TTC again, docs vary, but the first step is to get your betas below 2, and that may take awhile. I read that the cycles immediately proceeding a m/c are very fertile, and based on my own fertility signs, this is easy to believe. But without knowing what caused your m/c and being so far along, you're much better off being on the safe side. I'm sure the doc went through all of this with you today :). I don't know anything about monk´s pepper, but prog. supps will probably be very helpful to you.

I didn't chart the first cycle afterward, and only casually the second; it *is* too painful. But the pressure you feel to get pg again won't really subside, and it may help to direct your energy in that direction.

I, too, picked up that damn habit after my m/c. My friend took me to the hospital, and as soon as we stepped outside she said she needed one. I said I did too. :(. Since she was also my next-door neighbor, she became a horrible influence on me. I don't blame you guys at all for starting up again, and it may be what you need for a little while (I've also been drinking more than I should :( ). However, my cycles have been wacky since then & I've had two chem pgs when we weren't trying. It's easy to think about how many women don't have a problem with smoking when they get pg, especially when you're looking to reassure yourself against that nagging guilt. I will NOT preach against smoking, but I did want to let you know that I think it affected me. If we already have problems sustaining pgs, it's very likely that smoking will affect us more than the average person.

[bellabonga]

My obgyn appointment went fine apart from the fact that I had to wait for an hour and was surrounded by at least 15 pregnant women in the waiting room. It seemed as if I was the only non-pregnant woman in that room. :( But at least I kept it together during the talk to my doctor. He said that everything looks okay and advised me to go on the pill for one month. I was like :eek: because I want to get pregnant again as soon as possible and so the pill was not really what I had in mind. But he said that it would prevent an inflammation of the uterus and it would be the fastest way to get my hormones balanced out. And I could start today with the pill. At least I will have AF back in 4 weeks and he said that I could try to get pregnant again in 6 weeks. So at least that´s good news!

He said that I shall come back after AF to discuss whether I need some stronger progesterone pills or not. I asked him whether too low progesterone levels might have led to the MC and after one look into the computer he frowned and said that his colleague hadn´t checked my progesterone level during my first visit. Hmmm. So I´m not much wiser than before. The genetical test results will probably come in in two weeks.

I´ve made a deal with myself that I´ll allow myself to smoke a whole week and then I will stop again. I already don´t know whether I really enjoy it since I feel so guilty for starting again. But at least my daughter hasn´t caught me on the balcony so far. ;)

[pacificbliss]

bellabonga I think that's interesting your Dr. is putting you on the pill for a month. That might be a good thing. Waiting for AF after a m/c can be agonizing. I hope you get some more answers soon.

purplesunshine7 I hope you get some answers soon too.

and I don't blame either of you smoking. I almost started after my m/c

ago5 How was your trip?

Take care everyone.

[purplesunshine7]

bella: I am so sorry you had to be surrounded by all the pregnant women I know how it must have felt, my follow up appt is on monday, and I am not really looking forward to it. An idea for maybe you and your daughter when you feel ready of course, Perhaps the two of you could create a paper star to hang on her bedroom wall, maybe that would subside some of the questions she has. Something that helped me today find a peace of heart and mind ,it was so profound. I listened to sad songs and wrote a leter to my baby, I cried and wrote all my feelings down. It felt so good that at the end I was crying with a smile on my face. I am going to share this letter with my dh so that he knows how I feel and that I am not an eggshell and that I still hold some hope for the future. I truly hope you and your family find some peace soon until then I am here for you along with all the other ladies.

Flygirl: I didn't know about the spotanious m/c if progerstrone levels were low. my first m/c was spotanious and perhaps that may be why ,I am going to bring that up to my doctor. My progestone level was good this time around as it was something I was worried about. I ask the doctor if they could fall during the pregnancy she said yes but if they did it meant that something else was wrong in order for them to fall.

Questions: some women get pregnant again before they get their first af following a m/c. Is this harmfull to the body. To be honest I don't think I can wait. Last time I did wait so we used protection before we were given the go ahead, however I would cry either during or afterwards because I knew we were intentionally preventing. My dh and I need to connect on this level as I honestly believe that is how he heals his heart and shows his emotions. sorry if TMI.
On another Note: I feel so guilty every time I pick up a cig. not to mention I am smoking more than I did. Plus I have gained 5 lbs. in the past week. I have an appoinment with my social therapist tomorrow. I have been seeing her since the last m/c. It feels like all that was accomplished with her in the past year has been erased. But I know it will get better with time, so it will be ok. Have a good night ladies sorry for taking up so much room.

[ag05]

pacificbliss - My trip was absolutely wonderful. Thanks for asking. We walked across the brooklyn bridge, shopped in chinatown and soho, went to times square and rockefeller center. Ate some great food. Saw some good live music. All in all a good time. Seeing my friend was nice too. We laughed a lot which I needed. That was my first trip to the big apple.

[pacificbliss]

ag05 I am glad you had fun. I have never been there either. A friend of mine lives there and has been begging me to visit. Maybe I should...

purplesunshine7 different Drs seem to have different opinions on when it is "safe" to get pg again after a m/c. I heard once, and believe it myself, that you won't get pg again until your body is ready. My own Dr admitted that the main reason he wants patients to wait 3 cycles is to allow some time for emotional healing and to allow your cycle to get back on track so they can accurately date the new pregnancy. FWIW I say do what you need to do to take care of you and DH.

[ieducate]

Well, I had my check up appointment with my OB on Tuesday of last week. She gave me the go ahead to TTC. It is somewhat difficult emotionally though. I will be disappointed if I don't get pg., but will be terrified if I do get pg. Can't win either way. :( Anyway, I started charting again last week on Day2. What a drag, not to mention depressing that I have to be doing this again so soon. I thought I wouldn't have to do this for about two more years. I am doing the bare minimum of charting though...just my temperatures and then I will do OPK's starting on day 10. AGH...I really hate all of this...I just wish I were pg. again and that I was having a healthy baby. How hard is that????? I do know what you all mean about going to the doctor's office though. I am certain that other than one 80+ year old woman in the office, I was the only woman not pg. :( It was way painful. My only comfort is knowing that I am not alone in this process and that many, many woman who have had m/c's go on to have beautiful, healthy babies. I hope I am one of those statistics. Gotta go to work now...taking my students on a fieldtrip in 90 degree weather...that's always fun. :( I hope all of you are well and have a pleasant, peaceful day.

[dlj78]

Hi ladies. It has been quite some time since I posted in here. The last time I posted I was still waiting to miscarry on my own. Well, mentally I couldn't wait any longer so I had my D&C on March 30. It's been a rough road since then. I finally got my first AF post-D&C a few weeks ago. It was the WORST ever! I figured it was going to be heavy but I seriously thought I was going to bleed to death!:eek: I am waiting for another AF and then we can start trying again. That's a whole other mix of emotions...scared, excited, etc. And we will be trying clomid which I am nervous about. We shall see.

I am so sorry for all those have joined this thread since I posted last. Hugs to you all. I wish none of us were going through this.

Have a good day ladies!

~Dana

[ieducate]

Dana, sorry you have been going through so much. It is really tough to wait and the feelings you are expressing are normal...at least I know that is how I felt too. As for clomid, no worries. I just finished my second month of being on it and I had no reaction (bad) to it at all. I took mine at night, as it sometimes made me tired when I took it first thing in the morning. I actually got pg. the last time I was on it, but then lost the baby. :( I am hoping this month (my first month TTC since the m/c) will be as successful on the clomid as it was the first time. And in case your doctor didn't tell you, when you are on the clomid you may O earlier than you normally did. I didn't normally O until day 19 or 20 normally, but on the Clomid I O'd on Day15. My doctor had warned me ahead of time that it may come earlier. Just be prepared so you don't miss your opportunity. I hope that this month goes quickly for you so that you are ready to start anew. That was the hardest month for me and I just finished it last week. It felt like it was a year long, instead of just about 28 days. :( Anyway, good luck and keep us posted on how your feeling...it's a tough month, but we are all going through it or just went through it.

[littlemia]

ag05, purplesunshine7, and bellabonga, I'm really sorry to see you here. I was hoping to be the last one for awhile. :(

DH and I are back from our trip. It was really good to get away and overall we had a good time, but I was still sad for a lot of the trip. The gloomy weather didn't help, either.

I went back to the midwives' office today. They just took some blood to test my betas. My level was 21 two weeks ago, so I'm hoping that it's under 5 now. How long after it drops to 0 should I expect AF to arrive? Is it just one of those "it depends" things?

[ieducate]

littlemia, my AF came about 28 days after last cycle, and I was not at zero when my last cycle hit. What I mean is, I got AF when I had the m/c, but was not at zero at that point. I still got my AF this time about 28 days later. And be prepared, my AF this time after m/c was super intense. :( Just be prepared for it at any time. The doctor told me it could come at a normal time or it could be late...I was just always waiting for it basically.

On a different note, my dh and I had a huge blow out last night. I started charting again about 11 days ago. I just lost it last night. I got all upset that my life has gone back to this charting stuff and trying to manipulate my life around when I MIGHT be ovulating. It is just so darn frustrating. I found myself getting angry that I have to be doing this and that I SHOULD be pg. right now, not taking my darn temperature and doing OPK's. :( Anyway, I was feeling like my dh was just doing whatever and that none of this effects him. He planned for us to go visit his family the weekend I am predicted to O. When I told him that we weren't going if I hadn't gotten a positive OPK before that weekend, he got all upset and told me we would get busy in his car if need be. :( I was less than amuzed by his statement to say the least. He told me I was looking for the worst case scenario. He seems to forget how badly we both want a baby. He really seems to forget how hard it is to actually get to that point. I am so tired of charting and analyzing the chart. It truly makes me insane. Unfortunately, I usually have no idea when I O unless I chart. :( I can't wait for this process to be over. I just wish I were pg. right now so that I was no dealing with this. It is wearing me out to no end. If I don't get pg. this month, I am not sure what I will do. I don't know if I can go through another month of charting so soon, but I really want to be pg. AGH...I am really in a dilemma. :(

I hope everyone's day is bright and sunny. :)

[bellabonga]

I´m having a pretty bad day today although it´s only 10.40am. Maybe it is because exactly now a week ago my d&c took place. Or maybe it is because today I would have reached the magical 12 weeks I was waiting for. :(

I don´t know if I need someone to take my anger out on, but I´m pretty pissed with my friend who is still pregnant. Yesterday I talked to her on the phone for the first time after I found out about the MA (apart from the day itself when I called her). She basically told me to finally get over it which I think is pretty rude considered that it´s been just a week. And I haven´t stayed in bed all week crying but have continued with life as if nothing had happened. I´ve been on two kindergarden trips with DD, I´ve met several friends, run errands - I´ve even made four huge bowls of self-filled canneloni and two cakes for my mother´s birthday party today. So I don´t think you could really say that I`m letting myself drown in self-pity and need to be told to get over it! :mad:
She thinks she could say that since she´s had two M/C herself before she get pregnant. But to be honest I don´t think her M/C were as bad as mine. Sure, there´s always the disappointment once you thought you were having a baby but I think the later it happens the worse it feels. She´s had one ectopic pregnancy that was discovered really early and one regular where not even an embryo had formed. And I´ve really pitied her for those and let her grieve several weeks. So why the hell does she think she can tell me I should get over it and not try to find out what was wrong when I was already at 10w4d and the baby had been perfectly developed and had had a heartbeat before?! I hope I don´t step on anyone´s toes with this but it´s just my opinion that I think the loss is worse the further along you are. Just as I think a late term loss must be much worse than the loss I experienced. I don´t know, maybe I´m just being overly sensitive but I´m really mad at her.

Speaking of mad, I am really mad at my mother too. I still can´t get over her comment "At least your baby had one good thing - you´re not smoking anymore!" It that insensitive or what?! I was so hurt by her comment that I started smoking again just out of defiance. I will quit again though before I´m off the pill and TTC. Apart from that we had a bad fight over nothing that she started and I´m really disappointed by her inconsiderate behaviour.

Sorry that I´m rambling but I´m such a mixture out of sadness and anger today, I just needed to vent!

[bellabonga]

This day doesn´t get any better. At noon I went shopping with DD on discovered that a huge boutique with "trendy maternity wear" has opened here on main street where I go shopping nearly daily. They had at least 8 window displays with huge bellies and really nice clothes. It was like a punch in the stomach. :( I have to admit that I react almost allergic to any pregnant woman right now.

Then DH, DD and I had some coffee with my mom, stepdad and grandma because it´s my mother´s birthday. Btw my mother still nearly doesn´t talk to me because she´s still pissed about that unnecessary fight we had. Stepdad asked my DD whether she remembered where they were last Friday - they were at a wedding, I was at the hospital and had my d&c. And my grandma talked and talked about a woman who gave birth to a dead baby on the day my mother was born. There´s nothing else like a sensible family! :rolleyes:

Hope you all have a better day!

[purplesunshine7]

wow bella you sure are having a bad day I hope your night gets better. I can't imagine how your friend could say that to you after she has experienced a m/c. I think all lose are painful though. I think the thing that hurts the worst is not if a baby was formed or not but the plans expecting parents make for their future. I believe that the pain is equal however people just handle it diffently than others. I am not upset by you comment, this is just how I rationalize other people's views on m/c. I do no how you feel about insensitive people my mother kept telling me I just have to get over it and move on to the future. She knows all I have been through and it did upset set me that she kept saying this . so I try not to talk to her about any of it any more.

Today is the one year annerversary of my first m/c and I did cry earlier today. I had to go tothe doctor due to a major headache I have had all week. needless to say they gave me penicilian and a muscle relaxer. however they are not helping and I am so teired of dealing with the pain.

My session with my therapist was really good. I was able to express my feelings without someone citizing me. I go back to work on tuesday and not looking forward to it. no one there knew I was pregnant except my boss I am sure they have lots of questions like what happen to me.
Well I hope everyone has a good night .

[ieducate]

It happened...one of my closest friends just called last night to tell me she was 7 weeks pregnant. I nearly cried on the phone with her. I had to quickly get off the phone and hand it to my dh (her husband is my dh's best friend). While he finished talking to them about how happy they were, I cried my eyes out...for three hours. I know that her getting pg. had absolutely no effect whatsoever on me getting pg., but I was so jealous and angry. I still am. I am so frustrated. I keep getting negative OPK's when I know I should be ovulating now and I have been at this for over a year. She and her dh tried for one month...and now she is going for her first u/s tomorrow. That makes friend number 5 having a baby this year. One of my friends is going to have a baby any minute now...she could be in labor right now for all I know. I just thought it would have been perfect to have them call last night and announce that she had the baby. My friend who called last night asked if my other friend had her baby yet. She said she was looking forward to it because the two of them live so close (I am further away) and they can have play dates. Those should have been my play dates...no one else's, and now I am without entirely, seeing as I don't have a baby. Like I said, I realize that my friend(s) being pregnant does not effect my chances, but it just really sucks that it seems everyone gets to be happy, except me. My faith in "the man upstairs" has weakened and I am truly losing hope to ever be pregnant again. Each month feels like it is a year long. Each day is painful when I don't get a postive OPK or have any signs of ovulating. Every day I am further from my "fertile" window and the possibilty of getting pg. again. I seriously am not sure how much more of this pain I can endure. I didn't sleep a wink last night, tossing and turning, having the phone call repeat itself in my brain over and over again each time I woke up. I have 12 more days of teaching to go for the school year, but every day feels like torture to get out of bed. Can't sleep, but don't want to be awake. I can't win. I am sorry that I just dumped all of this today...I was actually starting to feel okay with the m/c and feeling hopeful until last night when I just lost it. It seems like everyone in the world is pg. around me right now...and I am not. It feels so unfair. I have to go, as I am starting to cry again and I can barely see as it is, as my eyes are still swollen from crying last night. I hope everyone here has a better day than I am having. I wish for us all to get off this thread very soon and be on a better page with lots of pregnant women...including us.

[purplesunshine7]

ieducate: Sorry you are having a difficult time. I do know the aggrevating pain you are going through. It took me and dh 7 months to get pg last time. I guess luckly I don't have many friends that are pg and if they are I don't really talk to them that much any more. Do your friends know about the pain you are going through? i hope you don't lose faith. I did for a while because I was so upset thast I couldn't control when I would get pg and I was so mad at the guy upstairs because I was sure he knew what I was going through. I have come to peace with him now and I hope you do to one day. I am looking at my losess as a test to see how strong I can be and that for some reason he wants a change in me before he grants me my gift. I figure he wants me to give the control to him so that is what I am doing. I know it is hard and frustrasting when you want something so bad and you do everything physically right to get it, and it just doesn't happen. don't be so hard on your body. the stress will only add more pressure. as for your friend just think when you do have your baby he or she will be the baby of the bunch and everyone will only have a few minutes inthe spotlight while yours being the youngest will grab attention the longest. I know it's doesn't matter to you about that and you just want it now. I do understand that. I am just trying to help you maybe find positive thoughts in an idea that you may think has know silver lining. I am the only one in my family without a child and that is the way I look at it that when my baby is born he or she will grab all the attention. God has a plan for you wheither you agree with it or not, you can fight it or you can give him that control and accept things you can not change. I know that may sound kind of harsh and it isn't meant to. I fought for the longest time and now I give up. I am not going to ttc vigiruously( charting and stuff) but I am not going to prevent it either. If it is part of his plan then it will happen. I am going to relax and let his will be done. Of course I will get frustrated if it doesn't happen the first month of ttc but I will just try to stay focus and strong. And that is what I guess I am trying to tell you. Don't give up on faith and hope. It will happen when god or the higher being you believe in wills it to be.Maybe you think this is all a bunch of b/s and that is ok too. Being angry is ok but you have to let go of that anger and enjoy life for what it is at some point. Please take care of your self and your dh, your cycle may not be back on track yet or maybe opk is wrong I would trust your instinct only you truly know your body, so if that is the case I would bd anyway. At least you would have it covered no matter if opk is wrong or right. Try to push through the pain the reward will be worth it in the long run and you know this is true. For every negative thought you have I want you to find a positive one. If it helps to writte it down then do that. Please don't let this pain consume you. There is light at the end of the tunnel it just takes a long time to get to the end to see it. I hope you take care of yourself. and if your not a religious person then I apoligize for bringing it up. Be easy on your self and relax let your body rest from the pain. I hope the rest of your day goes well. may peace be in your heart.

[bellabonga]

ieducate, I´m sorry you are having such a hard time and I can totally relate to what you´re going through! It is already tough to see pg women everywhere but it is even harder when it is someone you know. I have this pg friend whose EDD is three weeks earlier than mine was. And I am still so sad when I think of all the pregnancy and baby classes we wanted to take together. It would have been perfect to have babies so close in age! And now she will go to all these classes. Just without me. It seems so unfair. So I guess I know how you feel about your pg friends. On Saturday I even met an aquaintance who is a friend of my pg friend. And this aquaintance told me that she is trying to get pg with her third right now. She will probably be pg in a second and I will again have to wait forever! It took us 3.5 years with DD and 1.5 years this time. Hopefully our turn will come sooner now. Another friend of mine is TTC too and somehow I feel as if it´s a race although I know that this is bs.


Remember my posts about my bad day last friday? Well, it didn´t get any better. At 5pm my obgyn called and talked to my answering machine and the news weren´t good ones. My hcg-level was higher than it should have been last tuesday and I have to come in to get it checked again. I didn´t know what that meant but did some research and also asked an online obgyn: It means that it could be that they accidentally left some of the placenta inside my uterus during the d&c! Which means that I would need to have another d&c if that is what causes the hcg to be too high! :eek: So I´m going in to have my blood drawn first thing tomorrow morning. Please cross your fingers for me that my hcg only drops slower than usual without a reason. I try to look forward instead of backwards and I couldn´t stand another d&c right now. This would throw me back so much! :(

[purplesunshine7]

oh bella i am so sorry that is horrible news I hope your bloodwork tomorrow shows that it is dropping.I would hate for you to have to go through that again.
I had my follow up attp today. i was lucky no one else was in the waiting room when I got there or when I left. My doc said all was well. she said I assume you are going to try again. I said not as hard as before( charting and stuff) she said that is fine just don't prevent and keep up dentist appt and keep taking prenate vitamins. I wish I didn't even have to do that but I know it is for the best if I do get pg again. Well I go back to work tomorrow have to be there 4:30 am so have a good night ladies, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow bella fingers crossed.

[bellabonga]

Thank you purplesunshine! I was at the doctor´s office just before 9am and only saw two pg women in the waiting room today. :rolleyes: I won´t get the results before 4pm, so now I´ll have to wait another 6 hours and I´m soooo nervous! At least I was able to find out what my hcg-level was the last time (4 days after the d&c): it was at 3916. Unfortunately I have no clue what the normal hcg-level would have been and the women in the lab pretended they couldn´t tell me. But I´m pretty certain that they did not want to tell me. So I guess it must have been much too high. :( I wish I could´ve talked to a doctor but there was no time for it. So I have no clue either how much it must have dropped by now. But I´ve read that it can even rise if they´ve forgotten some placenta! :eek: I so hope everything is okay. I don´t feel nauseated anymore, my bbs aren´t hurting, I have no signs of pregnancy left. Please, please, please let everything be okay! I will update you later...