Support For Ladies Who Have Miscarried

[Jenzen01]

Hi ladies,

Franni - I got a faint BFP at 10DPO, but in hindsight, I wish I had waited longer instead of getting a faint one and then sitting on pins and needles waiting for a darker one (see below for my saga).

Sparkles - I am so sorry. My dr. only did the initial blood draw to see if I was miscarrying. I went from 40,000 on Friday to 20,000 on Monday. He didn't monitor after that.

OK, I'm highjacking ...

Back when I miscarried, DH and I were rather miffed at my SIL and BIL for not saying anything to us. I've been sort of annoyed with her since. Well, on Saturday, I found out that she's been going through IVF for the past year. She had a miscarriage before me, and is now 4 months along with a healthy pregnancy. I feel like a heel. I had no idea that she was going through something so tough, and here I was, judging her. I am learning so much through this experienc, although it was a terrible experience to go through.

Secondly, I don't know if I have a sticky baby this time around. My tests are still pretty light, and I had a little bit of brown discharge on Sunday. I assumed it was over, and I cried the rest of the afternoon. Well, my temp is still high, I'm still getting postive tests, so am I overanalyzing this? I went in for a blood draw this morning, so I'll get some numbers tomorrow. I just can't accept this pregnancy until I know what's going on. I'm sort of in denial.

And then, I found out a coworker miscarried this weekend. I didn't even know she was pregnant, and she was 12 weeks along. I am so sad for her. Why do we all have to go through this?

OK, I'm done. :)

Sorry for venting.

Jen

[Franni]

jenzen thanks for your response. I think I would have been much like you, taking multiple tests just trying to be sure. Yeah...you're right. I would have just driven myself even more crazy. I don't know how I am supposed to be. I don't want this to be the focus of my life, but it is becoming that.

Keep the faith though. If you have gotten a BFP consistently, could all those tests just be wrong?

[ajlanden]

Secondly, I don't know if I have a sticky baby this time around. My tests are still pretty light, and I had a little bit of brown discharge on Sunday. I assumed it was over, and I cried the rest of the afternoon. Well, my temp is still high, I'm still getting postive tests, so am I overanalyzing this? I went in for a blood draw this morning, so I'll get some numbers tomorrow. I just can't accept this pregnancy until I know what's going on. I'm sort of in denial.

Hugs to you, Jen! I felt this exact same way. I won't tell you to feel better and try to enjoy because I know it is impossible. The only thing that will cure this is time. Even though everything looks fine with me, I still have moments of doubt. I hope you get a conclusive answer from your doc.

Franni-I am with Jen. Test later rather than earlier 14DPO or later. It will save days of stress! :D

[bunnybeth]

Sparkles Sorry to hear about your m/c. Not sure on my exact numbers, but I had a BFN about 2 weeks afterwards. Hope your body gets back to usual soon.

Franni I'm 5DPO myself. I think I'm going to wait until at least 13DPO. I got a nice, dark line at that point last time. But, I may wait longer... don't know if I want to disappoint myself on V-day.

Jen I really hope your baby is sticky, and you're just having a little random spotting now. Hopefully your numbers will give you a little bit of confidence.

[Franni]

bunnybeth, aj thanks for the sound advice. I think I will wait a good long time. With my last pregnancy, I waited until past 18 days. Even for this m/c, I was already a week late before I tested.

[polkadot]

hi girls....well i am 4DPO today and already thinking about what if? I need to just concentrate on getting pg and actually staying there. I really want to hold out as long as possible on testing this time but I KNOW that if by valentines day i dont have my tell tale AF headache i will test....so it will completely ruin my V-day but we are both prepared for it. I dont want to wait and jsut see what happens b/c i ** think** that if i were to have anther m/c that my dr would want to know about so more testing could be done....i am really thinking about getting a real obgyn. I go to a family practice dr who does womens exams. I know i really need to step up to the plate and get a **real OBGYN** so i am going to start looking into that this week. ALright ladies...fingers crossed for everyone...getting what they wish for....:)

[Jenzen01]

I got my first beta back: 149 at 14 DPO.

Looks good so far, right?

I have my second blood draw on Thursday.

[Franni]

Jenzen ***applause**** YES!!!! more stickies going your way.

[brenda]

Well, I am getting sicker as time goes by. Sweetie & I both think that it's a good sign that the nausea is getting worse, it indicates a sticky baby. I concur, I was never this miserable the first time. I just wish that dry heaves weren't a normal part of my routine.

I had my first mid-wife appointment today. She also thinks the nausea is a good sign. They had a student nurse-midwife working there, and they asked if she could sit in/examine me. I said that was no problem, and she was really great. She's doing her clinicals, and should be practicing soon. It was quite nice, actually - aside from the extra prodding - getting the undivided attention of 2 midwives. I got some more ideas for nausea management, and a lot of other things I had heard were confirmed.

It was also nice because they are open to a doula laboring with me. I'm looking into this because Sweetie is confused as to why I would possibly want an unmedicated birth and is kind of prissy when it comes to body-related stuff. The midwife didn't even blink, said that was probably a great choice for me in my situation, and that she could get me some names later on.

Also, I have an ultrasound on Thursday. I will be 8 weeks then, and we should be able to see the heartbeat. I think that will go a long way to relieving my miscarriage anxiety. They also gave me a whole slew of different prenatal vitamins to try, since my current ones make me gag. Today I tried the gel caps, and those went down much easier than the regular ones I was taking. We may have a new favorite!

Anyway, ladies, thank you so much for being here. I don't think I'd have been able to keep my sanity without having this place to vent and read the stories of other women who've been through the same things. I'll continue updating.

If everything goes well at the utlreasound, I may even join the September 2006 pregnancy thread. Scary, but I could get that courageous!

[Lilla]

Jenzen YAY! Lots of sticky thoughts coming your way!!

brenda Glad to hear you had such a good appointment! Sorry about the m/s, but like you said, perhaps it is indeed a very good sign. Good luck with the u/s on Thurs. Can't wait to hear about it!

[katmg]

Name: Kat, 26
DH: 31
Married: November 08, 2003
M/C: 2/04/06 @ 6 1/2 weeks
TTC: Dr. wants us to wait 2 cycles

[katmg]

I started spotting on Friday and then starting spotting and cramping on Saturday. Called my doctor's on-call line and was told to go to the emergency room. 11 hours later the doctor told us that he couldn't tell us what was wrong. (Even though he had my HCG numbers only showing at 1020 and an ultrasound showing an empty sac). So I spent all day Sunday bleeding and cramping and hoping that this was somehow normal. :rolleyes: Had a blood draw on Monday that showed my numbers going down - 640 at that time. Went in and saw my doctor who confirmed that I was having a miscarriage and that the ER doctor probably just didn't want to give me the bad news. :mad: So instead of letting me start to mourn the loss of this pregnancy I'm given false hope about something that I knew was already gone.

I'm okay about the m/c at this point. It took DH and I a long time to get pregnant (we were waiting to start fertility drugs when it happened) but I feel like we will get pregnant again. I'm just so pissed at the crappy care that we received at the ER. My doctor told us that they should have seen us immediately (within reason, of course) since she practices there. They should have seen me after my blood draw when I passed out and almost started seizing. Instead we were made to wait - all the while my bleeding is getting worse - and then they don't have any answers for us. Well, they do have answers, they just choose to not tell us those answers. :(

[Franni]

katmg I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same cycle of false hope when I experienced bleeding and my ob told me to go have an u/s at the hospital. The drs there told me that, although the sac was empty and there's no h/b, there might be a chance that I was just really early ~ I was supposed to be 6 weeks by then. They must feel that this is more your doctor's job to tell you the bad news. Oddly though, I also knew that it was over. Although I couldn't help hoping against hope.

Take time to mourn and heal yourself. FWIW, my doc told me that we could start immediately.

[ajlanden]

kat-I am so sorry you see you here. I hope you find much comfort here on the hard days. ~HUGS!~

Jen-Awesome numbers!!! Higher than mine were!!! :)

brenda-As much as I hate to say it, Yay for the m/s!!!

12Weeks today!!!!!!!!! Yahoo! What a big milestone!

[bunnybeth]

Jenzen Sounds good so far, lots of stickies for you. When will you get your Thursday draw results by?

Brenda That's great that you had such a good appointment. And, I've heard that lots of m/s means a more sticky baby. Here's to wishing for nausea!

Kat That sounds terrible that they made you wait like that, and then didn't tell you anything. I hated those days of knowing but not knowing *for sure* when waiting for my second blood draw results. Take your time to mourn, and come in here when you need any support.

AJ Congrats on 12 weeks, that is a big milestone. And after all your scares at the beginning, isn't it great to be there?

[katmg]

Thanks for the welcome ladies. I'm sorry to be so bitter about my experience with the ER.

I asked my doctor when we could try again and she wants me to have two "normal" cycles before we TTC again. I think it's interesting that people's doctors give different recommendations on that. She also has given me a prescription for extra folic acid (on top of the prenatal vitamin I take) and once we do get pg again she'll want me to take progesterone as soon as I get a BFP.

[Jenzen01]

Hi katmag - Sorry that you had to join us ... In regards about trying again, my dr. told us to wait about three months for emotional healing. At the time, I really didn't want to wait that long, and I was sort of mad about his advice. But in hindsight, he was right. The emotional healing takes so long, and I'm in a much better place now than I was even a month ago. So, I guess my point is just to focus on healing right now. I hope you're feeling better soon.

ajlanden - Yeah for 12 weeks! So glad to see you at this point.

[polkadot]

katmg- is this your first m/c? My doc said i would have to have another m/c before they would give me anything. Be gald that doc said they would give you the prog. the very next time you get a BFP. My doc told us that we could start TTC again this cycle...but i guess every doc is different.

good luck to you...i am glad to see someone else i know here but also so sad that we are here....((((hugs))))

[Sabriel]

katmg I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry that had such a bad time at the hospital, and unfortunately it seems like it is not that uncommon. (((hugs)))

brenda Sounds like things are going well! I told myself everyday that I was miserable with m/s that it meant that this baby was growing as s/he should be. All day nausea and vomiting isn't necessarily the way I would choose to the be constantly reminded, but hey I'll take anything!

[katmg]

katmg- is this your first m/c? My doc said i would have to have another m/c before they would give me anything. Be gald that doc said they would give you the prog. the very next time you get a BFP. My doc told us that we could start TTC again this cycle...but i guess every doc is different.

good luck to you...i am glad to see someone else i know here but also so sad that we are here....((((hugs))))

Yup, first one. I was kinda surprised that she would give me the prog. next time. But, I had seen her already about my difficulties getting pg and she had prescribed clomid to help my O be a bit 'stronger.' I was happy to find her being so proactive. She did say it is somewhat controversal to prescribe the prog. as there are some doctors who feel it may prolong a pregnancy that wouldn't make it anyway.

I feel the same way about this thread. I'm glad it's here and I'm so grateful for everybody's support. I felt weird subscribing though - it's not like I could say I was happy to join.

[Sabriel]

polkadot and katmg

We are like a sisterhood - one that none of us wanted to be a part of, but a sisterhood nonetheless.

I have always remembered this. It was said just after my miscarriage. Not a single one of us wants to be here, but we are here to support each other, to laugh and cry together. Everytime someone joins this thread I just want to scream, and everytime one of us gets pregnant again I feel so happy, but scared for them at the same time. We have been through this pain, and I am sure we all wish that we could prevent it from happening to anyone else. We can't, but we can help each other through it.

[flygirl]

Sparkles & kat, damnit! I hate to see more familiar faces. I'm so sorry. I hope you get as much comfort as you need in this thread. (((hugs)))

To all the others with positive pg news, congrats!

[pacificbliss]

kat so sorry you are joining this thread. When I m/c I had my suspicions that the doctors in the ER just weren't telling me I was going to m/c. Of course, I felt the same way about my ob. I think I just knew.


Not much to report here. I had a conference call with my office today. I work at home so four people were in a conference room with me on speaker phone. Anyhow, two of us were talking about vacations and how sometimes it's nice just to get out of town and relax. The other woman on the call pipes up with, "I am not doing that again, everytime we do that we get careless and I get pg. The souvenir from my last vacation is only two months old." For whatever reason she has to pretend that both her pregnancies were unplanned and unwanted. I wanted to scream. Doesn't she know there are women who struggle with fertility or who should be pregnant as she speaking those words but lost their baby. I try and be a good, kind person and not think nasty things about other people but right now I think I hate her.

Sorry, I had to get that out.

[CapeCod04]

kat So sorry you had to join us. That ER doc needs a good slap upside the head. Seriously, I would write a letter to the head of the department or hospital and tell them how you feel. Even if you write it and don't send it, it would probably do you good.

[Franni]

Hi Ladies,

I need some advice/support.

I am 9DPO and I have had some spotting. I don't know what it is. It is mixed in with some EWCM. I am not sure what it could be. It is too early for my period to show up. Is it possible that I m/c? But it seems too early also for that. Could it be implantation? The last time I had bleeding at 14 days and it was significant enough for a pad. Whereas now, there's a just a spot.

Should I test? I have no other symptoms. I have been feeling a little nauseous occasionally, but I think I am just "willing" myself to have some m/s.

[Sabriel]

Franni It may be implantation. I think it is probably too early for a m/c. I would wait a few days before you test. If I remember correctly it wouldn't show positive until 24-48 hours after implantation. Fingers crossed for you!

[ajlanden]

Franni-Deep breath. I don't think there is much of a chance that you are m/cing. Even if it was a chemical pregnancy, this would show up until your AF is due. I think it very well could be implantation spotting, in which case, I would wait to test until at least 12 DPO or so. That way you will get a clear answer and not have to stress about it. With this pregnancy, I had spotting from day 12-day 15. I got my BFP on Day 14 and it was light.

Much luck to you!!! I have my fingers crossed!

[Franni]

AJ and Sabriel Thanks a lot for the advice. I didn't think that the m/c would have this effect on me, but I am so panicked. I am so afraid that it will ....you know what I mean.

[ajlanden]

Franni-UGHHH, I feel your pain. All of sudden you are so scared of getting a BFP, you could puke...but at the same time you are so scared of a BFN, you could puke. Spotting just adds fuel to the fire. I totally get it. I wish we could fast forward time.

[Tiniest Angels]

Updated to here...sorry Kat:( . We are all here for you.

[polkadot]

Franni....we all understand....i dotn know how I am going to make it next week...the only thing that is getting me through...is that i was able to make an appt with my new GYN for Tuesday so either AF will be here and it will be cycle day 1 or i will be pg...fingers crossed...

Franni- i hope that it is just implant spotting and that you have nothing to worry about....fingers crossed for you too!

[Franni]

polka thanks for the good thoughts. Sending it right back at you ****stickies******

[CapeCod04]

Well it's back to the RE today for more bloodwork. Maybe this will be the last. I've started bleeding again - more than spotting, but not full fledged flow. I'm thinking I may have started a period already? It seems soon though - less than two weeks after the miscarriage. Going to counseling has helped. I'm trying to work on adjusting to not having kids. I haven't fully looked into adoption, but we don't think that's going to work for us. One thing the counselor said is that I'm trying to get over my loss too fast, that I need to allow myself to grieve and cry. I feel so tired from the gried. I want to move past it. How long did it take some of you to get to the point where you felt more happy than sad most days? Where you didn't feel like crying half the time?

[Mrs-Mac]

Morning.
First, katmg I'm so sorry for you loss. And I'm sorry to hear what an arse the ER doc was!

shouldaelope A very late congrats on your GIRL!!

ajlanden Congrats on 12 weeks - thats wonderful!

Jenzen01 Woohoo on the BFP! Sending sticky vibes your way!!

Brenda How did your ultrasound go? I hope everything is okay!

Franni I agree with everyone else. Try to hold out for a few more days before testing. Super positive thoughts to you.

CapeCod04 I don't think there is any "right" amount of time to grieve. For some people its longer, others its shorter. For me, I thought I got over it (although I hate how that sounds) pretty fast. I only cried for several days. But then about a month later, when I was finding out several people were pregnant, I lost it. I wasn't prepared for feeling so sad again. I was supposed to be okay. Anyway, I think you'll find that everyone will have a different experience and length of time. And really, they are all okay.

A little update on me
I'm now 11 DPO. Although I really want to be pregnant this month. I don't have much hope that its going to happen this month. I don't really have any symptoms (no sore bbs, no lots of peeing, nothing). I think I'm going to wait until at least 16 DPO to test, if AF hasn't shown up yet.

However, I do have some good news to share. DH and I are buying a townhome!!! :p We've been living in the same little apartment for almost 5 years . And now that he is working again, we are ready to buy our own place. Its new construction and won't be completely built until Oct/Nov, but its great timing for us to save up lots of money in the mean time. We are so excited and its a great diversion for TTC. Not that we will take a break for TTC, but at least its not that ONLY thing we are focused on. Hopefully things will continue to work out for us in time.

[jeggink]

CapeCod I agree with Mrs-Mac, I thought I got over it fast but am still brought to tears at times during different times.

Mrs-Mac Yeah for the new house!!! We are also looking for a house so that helps keep my mind off things as well. Sometimes it is effective, other times not so much.

Franni Crossing my fingers for you!!! I have a feeling that I will have the same issue once I could possibly be pg.

Katmg Sorry to see you here :(.

Things are going OK here. I am going to be getting AF here in the next 2-4 days. The stupid thing is that the thought that I "could" be pg keeps going through my head. We did BD during my fertile time, but DH didn't complete things, if you know what I mean ;) . I know the chance is sooo minute, but that stupid thought is just circulating in my mind. Sigh....

Anyway, we are looking for a house and that is keeping us busy. Other than that, things are pretty normal in my neck of the woods.

[Franni]

capecod ITA with jeggink and mrs mac. I thought I went through it ok. I found out I was pregnant on Sunday and began miscarrying by Friday. I didn't have time to get used to the idea or be thrilled about it yet. So I thought I wouldn't be affected. BUT when I found out a dear friend was having a baby at the same time that I would have, I didn't want to be anywhere near her. I felt so sad. Let yourself go through all the emotions. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for the advice I think I will hold out testing. I had a major temp dip today. Don't know if it's just because I had a fitful sleep last night or if I woke up earlier than usual or if it's my period coming.

I am trying not to get excited, but I am also trying not to get sad.

MrsMac so excited for you. I miss that new home feeling. I've lived in my home for only 3 years and I feel like it's time to move on.

jeggink your DH too???? Mine (who's always buggin' me about BD) had the same "problem" that time too. It was the day past O and I had wanted to try one more time "to be sure", but he just wasn't into it.

[brenda]

Hi everyone -

Just a quick update on the ultrasound. We saw the heartbeat!! Well, we saw a small lump that fluttered - it measured at 150 bpm. So far, so good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I know that I'm not completely out of the woods, but I do feel less anxious about every twinge.

[jeggink]

Franni It wasn't that he couldn't, we just wanted to wait one cycle, wanted to BD, but didn't want to use protection as I don't do well with it. So we just did it that way :o . But we have had times in the past before DS that when there was to much pressure, since it took us 6 months, that things didn't work so well ;) .

Brenda Yeah for the HB :)

[bunnybeth]

Franni That does sound like the implantation spotting I had last time. Hope you're keeping positive. :)

Cape Cod I agree with everyone, nobody's the same. It does feel like forever when you're there, but trust me it does get better. Not all at once, but one day you'll realize that you've been feeling more happy than sad lately. {{hugs}} You'll get through it ok, just let yourself have this time to grieve and try not to feel like you have to move on so quickly.

Mrs-Mac Congrats on the townhouse. A house will certainly keep you from focusing exclusively on TTC, and hopefully won't give you only more stress. A new construction must be nice, you get to pick all the finishing touches.

jeggink Good luck with the house hunting!

brenda That's great to hear about the heartbeat. I'm sure you'll always be nervous, but a little reassurance is nice.

[Jenzen01]

Just wanted to pop in with my second beta results:

14DPO - 149
17DPO - 518!

Yeah! Things looks normal, and I've got an appointment with the RN scheduled for next week. My first OB appointment isn't until I'm 10 weeks along.

[polkadot]

Yeah JenZen....spread that babydust girl...and those high betas too ;)

Congrats again@!!!!

[ajlanden]

Jen-I knew it! I am so happy for you!!!!!!!!!! :D

[Sabriel]

Yay Jenzen01! Congrats!

[Jenzen01]

Aw, shucks. Thanks, everyone. :)

By the way, we had our pastor over last night for some other stuff, and we ended up talking about my miscarriage and current pregnancy. Geez. I should have done that months ago. He really helped me ground myself better, and he prayed with us for this pregnancy. It was really nice.

I had a little epiphany. He asked me, "Is there any reason why you should think this pregnancy is doomed?" I thought about it, and realized that all of my reasons are made-up worries. Everything is, in reality, ticking along just fine. It was a nice little realization to have. And, he mentioned having hope for tomorrow. Now, how many days do I sit around thinking the worst about tomorrow? Quite a few these days. Can't help it. I've been burned already. But I realized that I don't have to be doing that. So help me ... I'm going to try to relax and have faith and give up trying to control this ...

Have you girls heard "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood? I hear that and think, "Just take it God, because I'm too tired of trying to steer this ship."

Well, enough ramblings for me. It's quitting time.

Jen

[jjsanner]

Hi everyone.

I havn't had a chance to go back and read this thread from the beginning. But I have a few questions.

I just found out yesterday that I am miscarrying. My 2nd beta results were only slightly up (from 22 on Tuesday to 29 on Thursday) and the nurse said my progesterone had dropped substantially. I am spotting very lightly (only when I wipe) and I feel crampy, it's a dull ache on both sides but almost painful.

When should I exect to see AF arrive? How can I be sure that my body will expel the embryo? I want this to be over with already and am frustrated that I havn't started bleeding yet.

The doc wants me to go back next Thursday for another blood draw to make sure my numbers have come back down to zero. Does that seem right? I was surprised that they didn't have me go in right away for an ultrasound or anything.

Thanks in advance for answering my questions. I am doing OK emotionally. Trying to stay strong for my son.

[Sabriel]

jjsanner I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will try to answer your questions. If you are already spotting and cramping, I would think that you should start bleeding soon. With my m/c I spotted for one day, then it got heavier from there. One thing I wished someone had told me is how painful m/c can be. I had no idea that it would hurt like it did. (Not trying to scare you, but I just wish I had known. - I'm not sure how far you are? I was 6w3d.) If you start bleeding, stop bleeding and your numbers go down close to zero then you can be fairly confident that your body expelled everything. If you have prolonged bleeding and if your numbers don't go down, there may be tissue left in there. I did not have an ultrasound at all with my miscarriage. The low betas and dropping progesterone levels are enough to know what is going on. I hope that helps some. (((hugs))) to you.

[purplesunshine7]

Hi ladies,
I haven't posted in a while but I have been lurking around reading your post. I hope the rest of feb. is a good and happy month for all of you. For those of you that are tiered of mourning or just wish it would stop, give yourself time. I know it is easier said than done. I just wanted it to stop also but it is acutually something you have to go through in order to heal. Last month I was suppose to be holding my baby for the first time, I was shocked that I didn't cry one single tear, I hope that doesn't make me sound aweful, I also see a therapist once a week which really does help. I just focus on the future intead of what should have been, sure I get sad sometimes and think about it, but the initail heartacking pain has come to a wisper. It will differ from person to person on how long that pain stays front and center so to all who still feel this take it one day at a time because that is all you really can do.

UPDATE: DH and I went to our first ob appt since after the m/c to see why we were having no luck getting pg again. Luckily I had already started charting my temps 4 months ago. She thinks it may be because my cycle is too short, 26 days and my O is bad. She was really worried about my blood pressure so we are watching that as well. She wants me to wait until 7dpo to get bloodwork done to test thyriods, progest, and for nuclear antibodies. She said if they all come back normal then she wants to put me on clomid, but she told me I have to lose 25LBs in order for the meds to work. She said clomid usually doesn't help people over 160LBs. So I started my diet today and I started walking one mile a day. No beef,pork, or starches for me, I hope I can stick with it. :)

[silentbunny]

She said clomid usually doesn't help people over 160LBs.

Um, What?!? I mean, losing some weight is a great goal, but I have never heard of this before, and I know there are MANY of us on this board who have found help through Clomid (including myself) who are over 160 pounds. That sounds like a very odd statement.

On another note, good luck with getting into shape! :o


jjsanner, I think I started to really bleed about a day after I started cramping and spotting. Ditto what Sabriel said about not knowing it would hurt so much. It was very hard to think about anything else during the time I was in pain, which for me was about 3 or 4 days, I think. I did have an ultrasound, but I don't think they're too terribly common.

I'm so very sorry you are dealing with this. It's an awful experience. Please seek as much comfort as is needed here. :( It helped me a lot.

[Crystal_Orchid]

hi girls

i posted in the pregnancy thread a while ago. i found out last wednesday that my baby's heart stopped beating (at 8 weeks) and my gestational sac measured at 6 wks even though it should be at 8. i am waiting and see what happens and if my body will miscarriage naturally. nothing has happened yet other than slight cramping from time to time.

emotionally i'm a wreck. i know dh is also having a hard time going through this, but my irrational anger, sadness, and all other feelings is really taking a toll on our relationship right now that i can't be there for him.

please let me know if you have ever had a D&C or Mifepristone induced miscarriage. i am faced with the decision of what to do next.

thanks for your support.

[jeggink]

jjsanner Oh no, I am soo sorry!!! {{HUGS}}!! Make sure your DH takes good care of you!

Crystal_Orchid I had a D&C instead of waiting and am sooo happy I did. When I read of some of the stories of natural miscarrages and the medication later in the 1st tri, yikes. But the D&C also has some risks. I personally was happy I did it because it was done and over with and I could move on (allbeit slowly). My cycle was about 10 days longer than it normally was after that. If you want more detail about the procedure, let me know. I wrote something up about it afterwards that I would be happy to post.

Jenzen Yeah, yeah, yeah, woohooo!!!

So, any new BFP's??? :D

[bunnybeth]

Jenzen Those are great numbers, and it's nice to hear you thinking more positively about your pregnancy. :)

jjsanner So sorry you have to go through this. Since you're spotting already, I don't think it will be that much longer. I think they only had me go in for an u/s to confirm I was going to m/c and make sure it wasn't a molar pregnancy. I had a missed m/c, so that's different from yours. I think you getting no u/s is common.

purplesunshine7 Sorry to hear about your short cycles causing you problems. Hopefully you can get that taken care of soon, with Clomid or whatever works. And, good luck on your diet!

Crystal_Orchid I'm so sorry that you're having to go through that. The emotional pain is terrible, but know that you are not alone. It's a very tough time. Don't feel you have to support your DH by yourself, but do keep honest communication with him. I myself had a missed miscarriage that was suspected at just after 10 weeks. My OB gave me 2 weeks to m/c naturally, which I did 1 1/2 weeks later, or I would have gone in for a D&C. The waiting was terrible, but I prefered it as I wanted to see if my body would figure out what happened. I felt it would help my body get over it more easily. But, I will say that it sure did hurt.

[katmg]

JJ - I went from spotting only when I wiped to full-on bleeding in a matter of hours. That was accompanied by some serious cramps - if I had known for sure that I was m/cing I would have taken something for them. I've been going in for blood tests since then and as long as my HCG level keeps dropping the doctor is sure that my body is expelling everything. I did have an ultrasound at the emergency room but it didn't tell them anything. :rolleyes: I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. My bleeding was never as heavy as a period, but it has lasted over a week now.

[polkadot]

well...today is the first time ever in my 9 months of charting that my temp has dropped below my cover line i am so bummed. I kinda **knew** i wasnt PG this cycle...but to see my temp plummet so much today was just to much for me to take. I have an apt with a new GYN tomorrow morning so hopefully we will be able to get something going...w/ at least bloodwork since i will probably be cycle day 1 or 2. Fingers crossed...

i wish i had words of wisdom for what all of us are going through...but this place has been a very big support system for me. All the things that everyone has said have been of the most comfort. I just try to keep on going each month and remember that i DID get PG once and hopefully it will happen again. (very soon)

(((((hugs to everyone)))))

[numberlady]

Unfortunately today I got confirmation that I miscarried. I was 7w3d and had been spotting and cramping for a few days. Saturday I woke up to severe cramping and red spotting and shortly after that I miscarried. I knew that it wasn't right even though DH and I saw the heartbeat on Thursday. We are sad and confused and just thrown for a loop. We weren't trying at the time I got pg, but had really gotten into planning mode and were very excited about becoming parents.

My body seems to have expelled most of the tissue on its own, so hopefully I will not have to go the D & C route.

Sadly I recognize a couple names here from the September mommas thread. I'm so sorry you are all here too:(

Dh and I were going to wait until May to start TTC, so I think we will be back to our original plan. It will give DH time to get his business running smoothly and my body a chance to get back to normal.

[katmg]

I'm sorry numberlady - I hope you can find comfort here.

I just spoke to my dr's office and got my blood test results from Friday. It went from 640 to 440 from Monday to Friday. I seem to remember my dr. telling me that it should drop by half every 2-3 days. It doesn't look I'm doing that. :confused: My doctor wants me to come in once a week from now until it drops to zero. Unfortunately they're not open next Friday so I have to wait until next Monday instead. I'm just worried that after all this I'm going to have to have a D&C after all. :(

[polkadot]

Girls...i have an appt tomorrow with my new OBGYN and its a conception appointment...anybody have any questions that i should make sure i ask.

i know the general ones and i am printing out my charts tonight....any other suggestions would be very helpful. Or that you asked your dr.

thanks in advance!!!

[CapeCod04]

crystalorchid I had a chemically induced miscarriage, but it was misoprostil, not the drug you mentioned. The drug worked faster than I expected. It was like a really bad period times a few. I had what I would consider heavy bleeding for three days and then moderate bleeding for the rest of a week. Then I stopped for a few days, then started a little bit again. My hcg is still not down to zero, but it probably will be by the end of this week, which will be 3 weeks since I took the drug. I have no experience with any other type, so I don't know if my experience was better or worse than a D&C or natural miscarriage. I'm very sorry you have to go through this.

[shouldaeloped]

polkadot- good luck at your appointment today. the only question I would be sure to ask that might be a little different from the normal questions is what will she do differently when you get a BFP again? betas? progesterone supplements? earlier ultrasound? that way you know what to do when you get that BFP again.

good luck!

[jeggink]

Numberlady I am so sorry :(.

Polkadot Hoping all goes well at the dr's and sorry for AF :(.

Katmg I would assume since your numbers are still dropping that they will just watch you. I think if they steady out they may get more concerned. Hoping everything goes down for you!

All is well here. I am not thinking about the m/c as much as we just bought a house so that is keeping me occupied. But I did see the August 2nd tri new thread yesterday and that hit me :(. Oh well....

AF is here and is horrible it is soooo heavy! Not fun! Hopefully it will be gone in 3-4 days.

[Jen33172]

Hey everyone!
My name is Jen and I just found this thread...I have had 2 previous m/c- one in July of 2003 (naturally at 10.5 weeks) and 11/2/05 (12 weeks d@c) .
I am currently 8 weeks PG and bleeding. This PG has been a roller coaster so far. I have had 3 u/s so far and all show a normal fetus with a HB but no one can tell me for sure why I am bleeding like this. They have some thoughts as to why, but no definate answers. On the last 2 u/s they found a sac of fluid and another sac which may or may not have been a twin that never developed. This may be where the bleeding is coming from but again they are not sure. It is frustrating to say the least!
Right now we can do nothing but wait...the Doc told me today that there is a 50/50 chance for this PG. I am hoping for the best but trying not to get my hopes up *too * high...
Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself!

-Jen

[polkadot]

a friend sent me this today...thought it was appropriate for a few of us...

A MOM WANNABE

I want to be a mom. But I can't. Instead, I'm a mom wannabe.

I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband,
in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God
intended. But I can't. Instead, a Doctor, a laboratory and a test tube will
try to assist God with our conception.

I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a
pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see the + sign. I want to cry
tears of joy for the news we'd discover. But I can't. Instead, I cry tears of
pain at random, for no reason and with no warning.

I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I
want the 'pregnant glow.' I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I
can't. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance clothes for
next year, "just in case." I try to keep my emotions from going haywire. I
dream that my husband talks to my belly.

I want to take pre-natal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule
my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other
pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't. Instead, I wonder
if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving. I think how cute they
look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not
mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met.

I want to hear the Doctor say, "You're pregnant. Your progress is right on
schedule." But I can't. Instead, I hear: "I am sorry," "Let's try one more
cycle," "Technology is really improving."

I want to surprise my parents with a new grandchild. I want to tell my
family and friends our good news. I want my life to change overnight. I want
to read What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I can't. Instead, I have no
news to tell. I realize my life hasn't changed in years. I read When Empty
Arms Leave a Heavy Burden.

I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to
hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks.
But I can't. Instead, I take the injections. I give blood. I watch my eggs
grow and pray they fertilize. My embryos are transferred, while my husband
watches our conception from across the room. I wait. I pray. I wait for the
one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse.

I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to
shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to
save money for the baby's future. But I can't. Instead, I imagine a crib in
the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. We spend
our money on Doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We spend
our money on a dream. We are left with an empty bank account. We are left
with empty arms.

I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare
symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't.
Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow,
attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch
their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes.

I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I
want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting
room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I
can't. Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear
the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined.

I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our
faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking, "We did it!", but
knowing that God did it. But I can't. Instead, I hold my husband in my arms
with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God's plan is
for us and why we have to go through this.

I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I
do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He
answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that
someday soon, He will give it to us.

I want to be a mom. --- But I can't. Instead, I am right where God wants me
to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His
grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status .

. from a mom wannabe . . . to the mom I want to be.

[polkadot]

hi ladies....jsut wanted to give a little update on my appt w/ my new OBGYN today..I really like him. HE is younger and has been through it all. HE introduces himself and then assures me he knows exactly what I am going through.. yeah right. Then he shows me a pictures of his 3 daughters. All of whom are adopted. He and his wife could not have children and went through EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY thing they could to get PG and it never happened. So i was very happy that he tells you this all up front. He did an exam and then we talked. About my feelings...what i want done at this moment...what he reeccomends i do etc. At this point he says from my exam everything looks good. He said the silver lining is that i did get PG on my own and most probably will get PG again w/out much help. He does reccomend that we wait another month before trying again. My original dr. said we could try again right away and there was something about that that didnt sit well with me which is why i made this appt. and i am very happy i did. He wants me to continue to chart (he suggested it before i showed him my charts) and use OPK's (I am lookign into borrowing a Fertiltiy monitor) and if i do not get PG again by April. Then we will begin bloodwork and SA. He says i do not need Clomid...or any other drugs right now b/c from my charts it is pretty clear I am ovulating. So. I really thought I wanted bloodwork immedietley but after talkign to him...i really want to give my body a chance to heal...and get ready for a sticky baby. So, he made me feel very comfortable and really just talked to me. That made me feel 100% better. Although AF still has not actually shown my temp still keeps dropping...so any day now...

So this month i am taking a break sort of...i am still gonna chart but this month will be charting to avoid....who ever thought i would do that???

thanks girls for all of your support...i feel a thousand times better than I have in a really long time...

[katmg]

polkadot - So glad that you found a doctor that you like. I really think that is so important. As much as I'm not wanting to TTA for a couple of months, I hope it will be worth it in the long run.

That poem/prose made me cry at work! I haven't experienced all of that but it still rings pretty true. Thanks for sharing it with us.

[bunnybeth]

Ok, very excited but nervous, I got a BFP yesterday!

Overall, I'm feeling very positive, but sometimes I do find myself attaching "if I don't m/c" to the end of my baby dreams. :( And, since I m/c somewhat later (12w) I have a long time to go until I can get past that point again. Ladies who have gotten pregnant again- did anything help calm your early nerves at all?

I'm planning on calling my OB this afternoon to make an appointment, but it will probably be a couple of weeks until I go in.

[katmg]

Jen - Sorry I missed you earlier. I'm glad you found us here! Hopefully this will be a sticky baby for you!

Bunny - YAY! Congratulations! I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you - just best wishes!

As for me...I realized I should have been 8 weeks today. :( I'm doing okay most of the time. I'm ready for my numbers to drop to zero so I can feel normal again. I'm tired of feeling like a pincushion - and the bruises aren't too helpful either. DH is seriously worried about the one from the hospital...sigh.

Honestly...I just want to have a baby already. Why does it have to be so hard??

[Jenzen01]

bunnybeth --- Yeah! Congrats! As for calming fears, trust me, I've had some irrational moments already. I just try to think about one day at a time.

My beta went up to 4,990 at yesterday's appointment. Things look "normal" according to the dr. :)

Jen

[numberlady]

katmg - I remember you from the Sept momma's thread. We were both at due at the end of the month. I remember being so scared when you m/c that it could happen to me too, and unfortunately it did.
polkadot - I'm glad you were able to find a doc that you like and feel like you can relate to. I liked the doc I saw for my m/c, who was going to be my ob. His wife also had a couple m/c before she successfully had a sticky pg. I'm not sure that I will stay with that practice though. In my short time dealing with them, the thing I hated most was that they do not have anybody that can talk to you on the phone on the weekends. Your only option is to go to the ER. When I m/c'd, it was no longer an emergency, because everything passed, but I really wanted to talk to someone, but I didn't want to go to the ER. So I will probably move to a smaller practice that has midwives.
bunnybeth - Congrats on your BFP! I hope that your first 12 weeks goes by quickly.

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c? I told my immediate family and a couple of my best friends and a couple people at work. I told these people knowing that if anything happened, I would want them to know. One of my best friends has not called to check on me since the m/c happened. I am so disappointed that she could not be bothered to even call and see how I am doing. She has gone through so many things and I *think* I have always been there for her and call to check on her when she is having a hard time, which is often. My m/c happened on Saturday and I have yet to hear from her. That is very hurtful. OTOH, the 2 people that knew from work have been so supportive, sent me a beautiful peace lily plant and have offered to do anything that we need.

[Lilla]

Ugggh, I hate seeing new members in this thread. :( katmg, numberlady, jjsaner and any other new faces that I missed - I am so sorry for your losses. I hope you find this thread to be a source of strength and support.

polka I'm happy that you like your new doctor. That is so important. It's great that he suggested charting. I always wonder how many doctors are advocates and really "believe" in it, KWIM?

HUGE congrats to jenzen and bunnybeth! H&H 9 months!!


Sorry I haven't been in here forever. Things have been quiet on my end. I'm waiting for FF to call my O and I think that a high temp tomorrow should do the trick. Should put me at Oing on Sun or Monday which is perfect timing. I have a good feeling about this round for some reason, but still being cautious so I don't set myself up for disappointment.

[Lilla]

numberlady I think sometimes it can be hard for people to know how to react to news of a m/c. Unless they have gone through it themselves, they may be unsure of what to say or do. Perhaps that is why your friend hasn't called back? In any event, I know it can be hard when friends let you down like that. I hope you hear from her soon.

[polkadot]

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c?

Yes, unfortunatley i was. My mom was great at first but now if i say anything negative about my sister who is PG w/ #2 (eventhough she cant take care of #1) she says jsut wait till you are a mom. I really would jsut like to say well thanks for reminding me I am not. My middle is wonderful she is always very cautious when askign about that subject but she understands how badly i want it and jsut cant make it work. The younger sister (the above PG w/ #2) ask constantly..are you PG yet? Are you pg yet? Last night I finally told her...NO i am not and please stop asking. I didnt want to be mean but the more she ask the worse I feel about the whoel situation. My aunts have been wonderful, except one...she jsut didnt call me and yesterday when I answered the phone at my moms house she actually told me she had been avoiding calling me b/c she didnt know what to say?!! :eek: Hello...she tried for 5 years before getting PG and getting a sticky baby....you think she would have been more sympathetic than anyone.

I guess everyone has their way of dealing with it...i am not keeping it a secret and its not something I will hide. I hope that whatever happened to me and my experience could help someone else.

thanks for letting me vent numberlady!!!
;)

[ajlanden]

bunnybeth-Horray for you!!!! It is the first step!! Unfortunately, this time is going to be really scary for you. It isn't fair, but it is the truth. You are going to have moments where you are very positive and moments where you are sure it is over. There is no getting around it. It helped me to look at "little" milestones instead of looking at the goal of 12 weeks. So make small goals for yourself.

Be back later with more S/O...

[brenda]

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c?

Actually, I think that might be one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone, except Sweetie, of course, until I was through the raw stages of grief. I didn't want to have to deal with other people.

[ajlanden]

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c?

Ya, totally. It is so hard...people just don't know how to give the comfort you need. Even DH at times didn't say the right things.

Jen-WaHOOO on the numbers!!!!

[katmg]

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c?

Until this was asked I hadn't really thought about it...I hadn't told many people that I was pg. But, I am disappointed in MIL. She hasn't said anything to me about it. We went to her house for dinner this weekend and she didn't even mention it - and that was the first time I'd seen her since it happened. :rolleyes: Maybe she's said stuff to DH but I haven't heard about it.

[CapeCod04]

I've been lucky, I guess. Those that we have told have been very supportive. They've also been understanding of how we want to deal with things, that is - don't bring it up unless we do. My biggest concern was my MIL. She has a tendency to go overboard trying to make sure life is perfect. I was worried that she would be smothering me with sympathy. She has not. I really appreciate that, because it's not something I handle well at all.

[jjsanner]

I guess I never officially joined before....

jjsanner
Name:Jen, 31
DH: Eric, 33
Married: April 26, 2003
DS: Elijah 02-06-04
M/C: 02-10-06 at approx. 5 weeks

I have been spotting since Sunday, but full on heavy bleeding started this morning. I am going back in for a blood test tomorrow to make sure my levels are dropping appropriately. I'm doing much better. Trying to stay positive. I think we're gonna wait another month before trying again. I have an RE appointmnet set up for next Tuesday (had scheduled it before I got my BFP) and I'll see what the doc has to say.

Thanks to everyone for your warm welcome. Although I am not happy to be here, I am thankful for your support.

[pacificbliss]

Yay Bunnybeth and Jenzen!

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c?
On the whole I think people were pretty supportive. There is one person I regret telling because he seemed to totally lack compassion. When the m/c had just happened I felt like some people should call more and check on me, others should call less and give me some space and soon I realized it wasn't them, it was me. I kept hoping for some magic words and just the right phone call that would make me feel better. Finally I just started asking for what I needed. Sometimes I needed a focus for my anger and saying I was angry because of x where x was not the m/c helped. That said, I truly was surrounded (mostly) by supportive people and hope you all are too.

I wrote into the TTC in February thread that I had totally lost track of my cycle. It was odd. I was so busy with other events I stopped to think one day and realized I had no idea where I was. I looked at a calendar and I am CD20. We dtd when I could have been fertile but I don't remember O'ing. In short I am not so hopeful for this month but the cycle has been oddly refreshing. Does that make any sense?

I hope you all had a nice Valentine's Day.

[pacificbliss]

I forgot to say that I am so sorry to all of you that have joined this thread recently. jjsanner, katmg and numberlady I hope you find some comfort here. Sorry if I missed anyone. I hate to see new people here. I wish we were all hanging out in the pg or baby threads.

[bunnybeth]

Ok, now I have a little more time and can do some s/o's.

numberlady So sorry to hear about your loss. Even if you weren't planning on getting pg, as soon as you know you are, you can just get so attached. So, it's always tough. As far as how people dealt with the m/c news, I didn't tell many people and those I did were all pretty supportive. But, it's hard to know how to react if you've never gone through it yourself. Frustrating, but that's life.

katmg Hope your numbers are back to zero soon, and your body continues healing. Thanks for the well-wishes.

jeggink No fun about AF, I hated my first after m/c because I wasn't "supposed" to have it. Hope your house buying is keeping you nicely distracted. ;)

Jen33172 I'm sorry to hear about your previous m/c and the trouble with your current pregnancy. Hopefully they'll figure out what's happening soon and your baby will stick & grow. :)

Jenzen Thanks! I'll try to take your advice but am sure I'll have some irrational moments in the near future. Those numbers are lookin' good!

Lilla Hope you O soon!

ajlanden Thanks for the advice... now to come up with some small goals. :)

[numberlady]

I know some people don't know how to react or what to say, but the thing is, this just isn't her. I have known her for 17 years, and she has always been a supportive person, to me and to other friends. So for her to not even call, is very disappointing (this is a good word that someone else said). Its not that I am looking for anyone to comfort me or say anything special, I am just looking for people, especially her, to care, to call me up, ask how I'm doing, and begin talking about whatever else it is we talk about. Once she finally calls, I will tell her how I feel and we will be fine, right now it is just very upsetting. I am doing OK on my own dealing with the emotional hurt, and I am proud of my body for getting things right and hopefully it seems getting back to "normal".

Anyway's I hate to complain, must be the hormones.

[Mrs-Mac]

Morning,

First of all, I also want to say I'm sorry to see new members in this group. jjsanner, katmg, numberlady I'm so sorry for your losses!

Jen33172 You are in my thoughts. I hope you recieve some answers soon.

Jenzen01 Yeah for good numbers!!!

polka I'm so glad you found a good doctor. He sounded positive and very understanding!!

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c? Unfortunately, yes, I did have some disappointments. I've learned that even people that care a great deal about you, unless they have gone through something similar, have no idea what you are going through. I think I was most hurt by my mom. The evening I came home from the hospital (after the d&c), she actually asked me if I was still going to have kids. How insensitive could she be?!?! It made me really feel she was being selfish and only thinking about herself and if she was going to be a grandma. And although she tried to be supportive, she wasn't. She sent a well-meaning card, but it was more like a get-well card. Last I checked, I wasn't sick. A card just saying "I'm thinking of you" would have been so much better.

Lastly, Congratulations bunnybeth Sticky, sticky vibes your way.

I aslo wanted to share the news that I also got a BFP this morning!! :eek: I am pretty surprised, since I didn't think it would happen this month. I haven't really had any symptoms (or at least I didn't think I did). I'm so glad I waited so long to test, because now that I'm 17 DPO, the test was very positive. Just like everyone else has said, I'm so excited, but so nervous also. I'm trying to stay positive and only think positive thoughts.

[Lilla]

Congrats Mrs-Mac!! Lots of positive thoughts and sticky vibes coming your way!

numberlady Hang in there. I'm sorry for the disappointment you are feeling. But I do think it is good to express your feelings to your longtime friend so that you both can work through this. Do you think maybe she has something going on in her life as well that is causing her to pull away? Sorry, I'm just trying to be the optimist - as hard as that is for me sometimes.


FF finally gave me my O this past Sunday, so that puts me at 4DPO today. I'm doing my best not to overanalyze every single little twinge. Good thing work has got me crazy busy. (((hugs))) to everyone here. I'm having one of those days where I hate that all of us even had to join this thread in the first place. :(

[polkadot]

congrats mrs-mac!!! Sticky vibes!!!!

[shouldaeloped]

congratulations Mrs Mac! sending tons of sticky vibes your way!!

[Sabriel]

Congrats Mrs-Mac and bunnybeth!!! :D

bunnybeth I've made each week a goal. Everytime I hit another week, I feel like I have accomplished something. I also make each prenatal appointment another goal. It has really helped to take things one day at a time, and it is less overwhelming for me this way. Unfortunately, the worrying does not seem to go away, but for me it has lessened some.

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c? Yes. I was very disappointed with people after my m/c. None of my relatives that knew called to see how I was. When my parents separated in August I was flooded with calls and people checking on me. After my m/c, nothing. I guess my mom had good intentions, but she drove me crazy calling and stopping by all of the time. But she never asked how I felt (emotionally) nor did she want to talk about that when I brought it up. She just kept asking are you still bleeding? Cramping? Yeah, I really didn't want to discuss that. She just didn't know when to back off. My dad didn't call and later told me it was because he didn't know what to say. :(

[bunnybeth]

Congrats Mrs-Mac, and very sticky vibes for you as well. It's nice to know we're in this together now.

Lilla Good luck for your 2ww! Hope you don't get too stressed.

Sabriel I like the idea of every single week being a goal, and the appointments. Thanks for the tip.

[silentbunny]

Congratulations Mrs-Mac! That's great news!

Very sorry to see that there are new members of this thread, but I hope your time here helps. :(

Was anyone disappointed with how certain people dealt with their m/c? YES. Most people were great -- a little too great, actually; It was hard bringing myself to work and trying to be strong, and then seeing other people tearing up when they saw me. But a few people surprised me...a long-time good friend of both mine and my husband's, who we had told and spoken to at length a few days before, didn't call, email, send a card, nothing. My husband told him in email, and he asked if there was anything he could do...Sean suggested all of the above, but nothing.

Then there's my cousin's wife, who is also pregnant, who emailed me when she found out I was pregnant...now she keeps sending out pictures of her kids and talking about how scatter-brained she is because she's pregnant...but never a word to me about the m/c. Insensitive clod.

Anyway, I think I am about 12 DPO...not planning on testing until it seems apparent I need to. There wasn't much sex this month, but I suppose anything's possible...:rolleyes:

[ajlanden]

Congrats to Mrs-Mac!!! Sending sticky vibes your way!!!

~~hugs to everyone who is hurting today!!!~~

[pacificbliss]

Congrats Mrs Mac!

[numberlady]

Congratulations to Mrs.-Mac. I hope this one is good and tight!

I spoke with my friend yesterday and we are fine. She said she didn't know what to say and didn't know how I was handling everything so didn't want to bring it up if I was having a good moment. I guess this is a lesson for me too, that even when I don't know what to say, I should call. I probably am not the best about that.

[katmg]

I guess this is a lesson for me too, that even when I don't know what to say, I should call. I probably am not the best about that.

I'm the same way. I'm really bad about it with people I work with - I know that they're having a hard time, but it's really hard for me to approach them about it at work. I should be better about that...maybe this will help remind me.

[Jenzen01]

congrats mrs-mac!!!!!

H&H 9 months to you!

[jeggink]

Congrats Mrs-Mac. H&H 9 months (oh and lots of sticky vibes as well :) )

Very busy here with the house and work. Haven't been able to get on much. Hope everyone is doing well! AF is on its way out :D and I should O in 10 days or so if my cycle goes back to normal. We shall see what we do at that time.

[Ericka_Jarett]

BFP: January 30, 2006
EDD: October 9, 2006

Also the following people are grads as well:

Bunnybeth
BFP 2/14/06
EDD: 10/25/06

jay&erinn
EDD: 6/21/06

Jennylou
BFP: 11/26/05
EDD: 8/6/06

Jenzen01
BFP: 2/2/06
EDD: 10/18/06

Nigellas
BFP: 2/11/06
EDD: 10/24/06

Sully130
BFP: 8/16/05
EDD: 4/29/06

[bogey]

I'll be back after reading the previous posts, but I am hoping that this thread is a good thing for me. I feel really empty inside. I have so many questions. And have gotten different stories from my 'OB' (i Never even saw her, just the nurses) and the ER doc/nurse I talked to. I have no idea if I was even pregnant, or miscarried. I had two very + pregnancy tests and then cramped and ended up bleeding and still am. The ER nurse said I probably got a false positive, but my OB nurse said I miscarried. I definitely had signs of pregnancy, but was it all in my head from seeing the line appear on the test?

I'm sorry if I dont make any sense. I know I wont get through all 20 pages today but want to thank you all for sharing your stories.

[gator97]

Bogey- Glad that you found us but I am so sorry that you have to be here. No, you aren't imagining it. False positives are very rare, from what I understand. What you had is probably a chemical pregnancy. There are several of us here who have had one. Personally, I use the term miscarriage (as did the ER doc and OB) even though I was only 4 weeks 4 days. I feel like it more accurately describes what I lost.

Here is a definition from Baby Hopes about chemical pregnancy.
http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/chemical-pregnancy.html

I felt really empty, too. And now, 5 months later, I still grieve periodically for the baby that we lost. This is a very supportive thread. Hope that it helps you as you grieve.

[pacificbliss]

bogey I am so sorry.I hope you find what you need here. BTW I think false positives on a hpt are extremely rare.

[katmg]

bogey - I am so sorry that you have had to find your way here. I doubt you had a false positive...I'm sorry that the ER doc/nurse told you something like that. :(

[Crystal_Orchid]

Hi ladies

I want to give you an update that I took misoprostil on Friday, went through lots of pain yesterday and miscarried. I'm still bleeding and cramping a bit today. I'm not sure if my body expelled all the tissues, but I'll go in on Tuesday for a test. If it is not successfuly, I'm scheduled for a d&C on Tuesday. Thanks for your help.

[polkadot]

bogey- i had a chemical pregnancy a cycle ago. I got my BFP on Sunday and by Friday I started bleeding...it was very hard b/c it was our first ever PG. I cant imagine it would get any easier..but we are hoping it never happens again....My family practice Dr. wasnt very comforting , but i have since gotten a new doctor and i love him and he has been so great....you will find great comfort here...i know i have...

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

[bunnybeth]

bogey So sorry you're going through this. I agree with everyone else, false positives are very rare, so your OB nurse was probably right in saying it was a miscarriage. It's a very emotional time, I hope you can find the support you need in here and with your loved ones.

Crystal_Orchid Hope everything goes well for you on Tuesday.

[Sand]

I am having a serious internal debate about posting in here. I just spotted, then cramped, with a m/c last week from a first pregnancy. I've cried, I've sat numb, gotten mad, you name it. I had only told one other person that I even got positive tests (beside my DH) and he asked that I not tell anyone. Even my "internet friends". The only other person has been a godsend. I talked to her they day I came home from the ER and she made me feel better so I thought coming in here may help as well. But I also feel like coming in here is admitting that I cant handle this on my own, but is that so bad?

I've known this group was here, and even know one of you from wc + lj (hey girl)... and always felt horrible that this happens to so many. And now I'm part of the group. I will admit that its comforting knowing that its not just me, but now hurt even more for the rest of you knowing just how it feels. I could consider myself lucky that it was early and I m/c'd on my own, but it still hurts like hell. (And the ginormous pad' I'm sitting on isnt helping one damn bit)

I started bleeding and cramping horribly at work on Friday. I called my OB office whom I had just visited once and they told me to go to the ER. Freaked, I told my boss that I had to leave and why. So now my very small, female office knows but other than them no one else knows. Its quite hard going on day to day like nothing is wrong. I dont want everyone to know, I dont want the pity. But I wonder if I would feel better letting them in on what is making me so sad.

I have a million questions running through my head. Did I do something wrong? (my guess is no) Will this happen everytime? Can I handle that? Will the jealousy of others that are pg ever go away?

I decided to post in hopes that I can get some support and give it in return. I want to give all my hugs and kisses to you girls. Thank you for sharing your stories.

[pacificbliss]

Aww sand I am so sorry you had to join us. I do think it's important to have support through this. I found that DH was hurting too and he could not always help or make me feel better. I hope you find what you need here. I was "early" too (8 weeks) and it still hurts. You did nothing wrong and more than likely the next time you are pg everything will be fine. My Dr and midwives have drilled that into my head. Hugs for you...

[polkadot]

sand- this is a great place to get info and support...not pity....this place is about making you feel better and helping you get through the grief and tec. I have felt nothing but great things from the people in this thread...

i too had a m/c very early 5 1/2 weeks...and my dr. has said many times that just b/c you have one m/c doesnt mean you will have another....so try and stay positive....i know that is hard while the ginormous pad' I'm sitting on isnt helping one damn bit) but things will get better and the girls here are always ready to listen and talk fromt he heart...so i hope you find some peace and some strength from these ladies....i know i did.....

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

[CapeCod04]

Sand I am very sorry that you have had to join us here. I only told a couple of people at work. I, like you, did not want the pity. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have told some more people so that they would be less inclined to stress me out right now, but I know that, for me, it was the right choice not to tell.

CrystalOrchid I think I posted to you before the misoprostil is what was prescribed for me. I hope that you won't have to go in for a D&C. I did bleed for about a week after taking the drug. I don't know if that helps you to know what to expect or not.

[katmg]

Did anyone have a natural miscarriage? No drugs or D&C?

This may be TMI but I'm still having some spotting and clotting and it's been over 2 weeks since I first started bleeding. Is this normal? How long did it take for your HCG levels to drop to zero?

I'm also wondering when I can expect my period to return - 28 days after the HCG drops to zero, after I stop having discharge? I'm supposed to get results of my latest blood test this afternoon to see where my levels are, but I'm just wondering if it's supposed to take this long...

[Lilla]

sand I'm so sorry to see that you had to join this thread. Please feel free to come to this thread for support anytime. It is a comfort to know that there are other women out there who have gone through the same heartbreak. It's also good to have a place to post your feelings and know that you will receive the support you need. That has been my experience here and I hope it will be yours. (((hugs)))

katmg I had a natural m/c at 10 weeks - no drugs, no D&C. It took me a full week to stop bleeding. I saw my OB 2 weeks after my m/c and by that time my levels were back down. My period came back 5 weeks after my m/c. Bleeding for 2 weeks sounds a bit long to me, but then again, everyone is different. I hope this info helped you a little bit. And I also hope you get some answers today at your appt. Hang in there, let us know how it goes!

[brenda]

katmg - I bled for about 2 weeks, and my midwife said that it could last between 1 and 4 weeks altogether. It sucked, but I was glad that my body was able to handle everything on its own. That was somehow reassuring.

My hcg was gone by my second week checkup, I think it usually corresponds to the bleeding. It should be low-to-undetectable (pee stick) within a week after bleeding stops.

[Jenzen01]

katmg - i bled heavy for one week, and then had some sort of bleeding for two more weeks (three weeks total). my period came back 5 weeks after the miscarriage.

[katmg]

Thanks everyone - I'm just so tired of continually having something there. Hoping it will taper off here soon!

Vent -
I'm having a bratty moment and this is the only place I can say anything. I went back in my old pg month thread - I wanted to make sure they had moved me to the "angel baby" section and I read the latest posts. Everyone is scared about the number of ladies that have had miscarriages lately - they want to start a new thread because of the "bad vibes" in the current thread. I'm just frustrated/annoyed that my miscarriage is ruining their pregnancy. :( :rolleyes: I feel like I'm some kind of leper who might infect someone else's pregnancy with my nasty miscarriage vibes. I'm just frustrated with the sentiment in there right now and sad that it makes me feel...less. I was thisclose to saying something but I stopped myself when I realized this was my issue, not theirs.

Just having one of those days...

[polkadot]

OMG :eek: i feel the same way....i think we were both in the same thread right??? September? I will be back...

[Sand]

katmg, If there is anything I have learned from WC or here, its to take people with a grain of salt. To those of us that this horrible thing has happened to, its hurtful. But they dont have any idea how much it could hurt to make someone feel like their **vibes** are bad.

I'm sorry it is making you feel worse. Thats not something any of us need to feel right now.

edited to add: I know i'm new to this thread but our vibes cant be all that bad since some girls that post in here are now pregnant. ;) (((Hugs)))

[Lilla]

OMG, katmg that brings tears to my eyes. Talk about adding insult to injury. But I do agree with sand - sometimes you have to take people with a grain of salt - they just don't know how hurtful it is to say those things. It is unfortunate for them in the end because they just want to start over and pretty much ignore what some women have gone through. The journey to a healthy child is filled with heartbreak for a lot of women and it's too bad that they want to push that reality aside.

(((hugs)))

[katmg]

polkadot - Glad to know I'm not the only one who was starting to feel a bit...weird about the whole thing.

sand - Oh, I know I shouldn't take it too seriously. That's what stopped me from saying anything in the thread. They shouldn't have to deal with my issues - it's just hard to hear that kind of thing.

lilla - I think a lot of that attitude is fear. Which I understand, it's just hard when you're the one that is causing the fear. :(

I'm so happy that there are pregnant women in here to share their joy with us and show us some of the light at the end of the tunnel.

[brenda]

Are you freaking kidding me? I'm in that thread! Those...

Ok, calming down. Will deal with this on that thread.

We don't all feel like that. Miscarriage isn't freaking contagious. Unbelievable. I am so sorry. Maybe they "shouldn't have to deal with your issues" but they can sure as hell deal with mine.

[Lilla]

Miscarriage isn't freaking contagious.

Exactly!!!!

Ugh, this has me all fired up this afternoon! :mad:

[brenda]

OK, wait. I can't find a post suggesting they start a new thread. There were a couple of posts about how the losses are upsetting to the posters (cause it's all about them), but nothing about starting a new thread. Am I missing it? Because I am all righteously indignant and just raring to blast someone. :)

[Sand]

Kat, I never even posted in the Oct thread because some of my lj buddies are in there and I swore to my DH I wouldnt tell anyone until 12 weeks. I'm very glad I didnt, but my heart breaks for you in regards to this conversation. :(

This is a rhetorical question but when does the crying stop!?! The only people that know are DH, and the girls here at work. They have left me alone and not made peep about it. Which is both nice, and awful at the same time.

CapeCod04, I have the same feeling. I have one very high maintenance friend that comes to me with her drama. I've been avoiding her and she wont stop badgering me to tell her whats wrong. I dont want to tell her because I know she'll tell me she's sorry and then in the same breath turn the focus right back on to her. I know I said I dont want pity, but a little compassion isnt so bad.

By the way. Thank you girls for your warm welcome to me. Its nice to have a place to talk.

[katmg]

OK, wait. I can't find a post suggesting they start a new thread. There were a couple of posts about how the losses are upsetting to the posters (cause it's all about them), but nothing about starting a new thread. Am I missing it? Because I am all righteously indignant and just raring to blast someone. :)

I think it's back a few pages at this point. I don't want to call out the person who suggested the new thread but I'm pretty sure there was a discussion about moving up when they started the 2nd trimester thread so that they could be done with the current one and all its "bad vibes." I appreciate your righteous indignation though! (FWIW, there have been some really lovely posts in the thread re:the miscarriages - there was one prayer posted that really affected me, I meant to say something but didn't want to out myself as a lurker. :o )

Sand - I think it is a fine line to walk between wanting compassion but not wanting pity. I've struggled with this at work especially. I'm glad to have this thread - y'all understand so much.

[brenda]

Katmg - I'll let it go. But let me know if you want me to unleash the fury. Grrr...

Sand - The crying tapers off, but I still get a little weepy sometimes. Also, there are people I didn't tell for similar reasons. It's a wake up sometimes to realize that you're not really friends with some of the people with whom you are friendly.

[bunnybeth]

katmg I think that's just another example of people just not knowing how to react to m/c. Some people know it instinctively or something, but others are just clueless. Very much the thing to rant about in here, where we can be indignate alongside you.

Sand So sorry to hear about your loss. It's a rough thing to go through. Right afterwards, I felt like I was going to be depressed forever. But, it does get better. You will always be sad about it, but will learn to live the rest of your life and go on. I mostly liked being left alone as well, but it was nice to have a couple of people to reach out to when I needed it.

Ok, I had my first real freak out yesterday. I started cramping in the afternoon, and for a few minutes I was totally convinced it was all over. No spotting (and boy did I check!) or anything, but I guess irrational fear doesn't need logic. When the cramps subsided after a few minutes, I realized it wasn't that bad in the first place. Hopefully there won't be too many more of these moments in the future.

[pacificbliss]

I will definately not go back and look at my old pg thread. I don't think I could deal with comments like that...if there are any. I am sure they are all just scared. Until I m/c I had no idea how common it is. Not that it feels common :(

AF arrived today. I was expecting it since I have been spotting for a few days but I am still very disappointed. I know I have no right to complain since this is only the second cycle post m/c that we have tried but I really wanted it to work. I have so much travel coming up I am not sure if we will have another opportunity for a few months :(

Ok, no more of that.

[kadee_29]

I didn't know where else to go so I thought I might ask a few of you ladies for some advice if its ok.

It has been a rough day. I am going to try to make this as short as possible. I haven't had AF since Dec 22 but I have PCOS so I am never regular. I tested 2/12 and got BFN. No symptoms just curious. I had bought a 2 pack so I decided to take another test 2/19 and got BFP. The line actually came up faster than the control line. I have been having pains on my left side since Sunday night. It was so bad yesterday I couldn't get comfortable. I went to the Dr today and she sent me for an u/s. The woman told me she didn't see anything in the lining and asked me 4 different times if I have ever had a tubal pg. After waiting what seemed like forever the nurse finally called and sent me straight to the lab for a quantitive level. Nobody ever said anything about the u/s. Then the on-call dr called me just to check to see where I was and how I could be reached when they got those results. A nurse called back about 45 minutes later and said that it doesn't seem to be a tubal but they think I am having a miscarriage. My hcg levels are only 347. I have to go for another test on Thursday. I have no pg symptoms. None. I am not spotting or anything. The only thing I have is the pain. We weren't trying for a baby, we already have 2 kids. I have no idea about when I O'd or anything. I can't imagine that I would be only a few weeks along for the hcg to be that low.

My dr's office isn't saying much other than the level and I actually went in to get that. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to get me through the next few days until I get the next batch of results back?

TIA!!!!

[polkadot]

kat- i went back to the thread and they have us under **in our thoughts** and thats ok with me...most of the women in that thread i still see regularly on the CC...i was going back there regularly but couldnt do it after a while b/c they were having u/s and posting belly shots so i had to unsubcribe. I know they were planning on a new thread for the 2nd trimester anyway...so..i guess they should go ahead...i guess people should choose their words more carefully b/c its not like we chose to give a bad vibe and i dont think its bad...just unfortunate...know what i mean...dont worry girlie...we will be there soon enough...

kadee- i would let whoever you speak to that you want to know exactly what is going on and that you need it explained it to you...in plain english....and make them do it,....i hope you get answers...we are here if you need us!!!
((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))0

[Crystal_Orchid]

update-I got clearance from my doc that everything passed. I'm relieved that it's over and that I don't have to go through a D&C. I have not cried today. I feel weird that I should be bawling my eyes out and feel guilty that I am not...

[numberlady]

Sand - Your questions are normal..at least I think they are because I am asking the same questions. Sorry you had to join us. I'm sure you were hoping never to have to come here like the rest of us.
Crystal - Glad your body is finally in the healing stage.
Kat - I was in the same thread and saw the same thing. There were several m/c's back to back, so I'm sure that they just got spooked. As for your other question, I have had no intervention with my m/c and I bled for 6 days, spotted for 2, bled for another day, and have had spotting the last 2. So I am going on 11 days right now and hoping today gets even better. I have a Dr. appt on Monday and am hoping that all is cleared out by then so he doesn't recommend a D & C. I would rather my body get this all worked out on it's own. My doc is not doing any bloodwork to test my levels. Should he be?

[CapeCod04]

CrystalOrchid I know what you mean about feeling guilty that you are not bawling your eyes out. I have days like that when I have some fun and I think that I shouldn't be doing that. Then there are days when just ironing my clothes for work sets me off crying. I guess it's all part of the grieving process and the healing. I hope it is anyway - otherwise I may be a candidate for the loony bin.

[kadee_29]

Thanks polkadot I think I am going to call them later today and see if I can get some answers. I really want to know what the u/s showed if anything. Well I don't want to know but I do because the not knowing is about killing me.

[Mrs-Mac]

Morning,
Sand So sorry for you loss. I asked myself pretty much all the same questions you are. And I will be honest, jealousy of other pregnant women takes a long time to go away, if it ever does. That was one of the tough ones for me. And crying is a very personal thing, its different for everyone. This isn't a right or wrong amount of time. Let yourself cry if you are sad, its okay. You have been through a lot emotionally.

bogey I'm sorry you are here! I hope you recieve more information and have your questions answered by your doctor soon.

katmg That sucks about the stupid thread. :mad: I've learned a very hard lesson after my miscarriage. Unless someone has themselves experienced somthing similar, they really have no idea. They don't know what to say, so most don't say anything. This is definately the place to vent about stupid people like that. I'm sorry!

Bunnybeth I'm so glad everything is okay. I am probably about as far along as you and I've been cramping on and off all weekend. I worry, but I just tell myself its normal and the little baby is making itself comfortable! Make sure you stay positive - I know its hard, but think only positive thoughts!!!!

kadee_29 Oh I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't really have any words of wisdom, but I hope you get some answers soon!

Crystal_Orchid I think what you are feeling is normal. I felt the same way. Its a emotion you don't expect! I felt very guilty for feeling okay. But I learned that everyone grieves differently. HUGS!!

To anyone else I missed - Positive thoughts your way!

Update on me...
I'm feeling good, I'm starting to feel pregnant (well, as much as you can for 5 weeks...my bbs are killing me, peeing a ton, a little nausous). My first doctor's appt is Friday. I'm nervous, but I'm most nervous for when I have my first ultrasound (it was at my ultrasound at 8 weeks, when we saw it was only an empty sac, no baby - I had no m/c symptoms prior to then). I try not to think about it, but sometimes dark thoughts creep in. I found out my SIL is pregnant and due in Oct this weekend (its her 2nd). We ended up telling them, since our due dates may only be like a week apart (we are waiting until after the first ultrasound to tell our family). I'm so excited, but also so nervous too. If something happens, I will have a constant reminder around. Again, not trying to think about that, but instead how cool it will be for our children to be so close in age (especially since the townhouse we are buying is about 5 minutes from thier house).

[jeggink]

kadee 29 Just something to consider. If you didn't get a BFP on the 12th and got one on the 19th, you are still very early in the pregnancy. At this point with ultrasound they may not see anything yet. So if you would have gotten a BFP on 12 DPO (the 12th), you would only be on 15 DPO and if you add in the time in between the - & +, you could be 22 DPO at the most. If you take a look at this site, you are still within the range for your HCG values. Now just a single HCG value doesn't really say much, I am surprised they said you would m/c off one value. Anyway, they will take the second value and make sure it's doubling in 48 hours. This is the sign they look for. I hope that helps a bit. Try to remain optimistic, I know it is very difficult, I went through a month of not knowing, getting HCG values and ultrasounds. I would not let them do anything at this point. They usually can't tell truly if it's a tubal till you are at least 5-6 weeks along. {{HUGS}}!! Let me know if you have any questions.
http://www.conceivingconcepts.com/learning/articles/hcg.html

Sand So sorry to see you here :(. Welcome. When does the crying stop? Not sure, I still sometimes do. It really depends on the person. I would imagine when you get pg again you stop and focus on that child.

Crystal_Orchid I know what you mean, I know I almost felt numb at that point. Now in days I have my ups and downs. Once you get past your 1st AF after the m/c things do get a bit better. I am still sad but I can look at the fact that I can now try again in a more positive light.

pacificbliss Sorry about af :(.

bunnybeth Those cramps in the 1st tri can be very bothersome!!

I am doing OK, we bought a house so once we close we will have a lot of work to do. Work is also really really busy. I hope you all have a great day!

[katmg]

polka - I unsubscribed right after I let them know - I couldn't take it. Like I said, I was just having to vent.

kadee- I'm so sorry - the not knowing is what was hardest for me. I agree with polkadot - demand that they explain what is going on so that you understand. They deal with this every day, but this is not something that you should be expected to understand right away, especially when they don't talk to you in plain English.

numberlady - My doctor has been measuring my HCG levels to make sure that they go down to zero. This will make sure that there is not any tissue that hasn't been expelled and that the miscarriage is "complete." Until the HCG is out of your system, you might still test positive on a pregnancy test, etc. Your doctor may be okay with seeing the clear ultrasound and not feel the need for the blood tests. You might ask him.

[kadee_29]

Mrs-Mac Thanks. :)

jeggink I think they are saying m/c because they are still on this Dec 22 AF date. They aren't listening when I tell them they can't go by that. I just can't grasp the concept of O'ing with no AF since Dec. Thanks for posting that link.

katmg This not knowing stuff is driving me nuts. I did call the office and left a message for the one nurse I was dealing with most yesterday. Hopefully she calls back soon.

[jeggink]

kadee 29 OK, I understand. I would just make sure they don't do anything. Normally a heartbeat can't be seen until ~6-7 weeks. Here is a good link that will give you a better idea of early growth and what they can see in an ultrasound :). I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/earlyfetaldevelopment.htm

[kadee_29]

jeggink Thanks for that link as well. I sent that one to DH. I am not doing anything about anything until I know for sure what is going on. I am still waiting for the nurse to call me back. :rolleyes:

[brenda]

numberlady - Instead of a blood draw, they may want you to do a urine test. My doc told me that if the pee stick is negative, the levels are going way down, and once you're past 20 (or thereabouts) you'll soon be down to 0. That may be why no blood test. My doc's philosophy is "Why stick in a needle if it's not necessary?"

[Sand]

kat - I am very happy to have you girls to chat with. I walk around like a zombie, put on a happy face for my lj, and cry to my DH. He's sad too, but wants to focus on the positive so I think I may need to stop the crying and give that a whirl.

Brenda - I hear you, its exactly why I dont want to tell people... I'm fine as I am thinking all are friends and not just friendly until something bad happens. Its really unfair of me to expect them to know what to say anyway or how to deal with me when even I dont know how to deal with myself some moments. ;)

bunny - I hope you are feeling better, I'm thinking of you! Good thoughts, good thoughts!

pacificbliss - Sorry about AF, keep your chin up! I myself am not looking forward to the 1st period after the bleeding from this stops.

kadee_29 - I'm new at all of this myself, but I hope all goes well for you.

Crystal_orchid - So glad your body took care of itself + you can focus on healing your heart now.

Mrs-Mac - Try to focus on positive thoughts. Easier said than done but it could make a difference!?!

jeggink - Thank you. I have my moments of flat out tears but its getting better.

[katmg]

I just got my hcg level - it is down to 13. Wahoo! I was a little concerned I would have to have a D&C after all this time but I go in for one more blood draw to make sure it's down to zero. Phew! Big relief over here! :D

[LyLMyssChaos]

Coming out of lurking to say this:
kat: I am sorry that you misinterpreted my comments. As the person who suggested starting the second trimester thread a little early, I only did so because I noticed a number of people stating that they were avoiding the thread or limiting coming to the thread because we had had I think it was 4 or 5 back to back miscarriages, and I know that a lot of the women there are pregnant for the first time and I understand their fear. I myself have had a miscarriage at 15 weeks, and I do sympathize with the pain of your loss. I also may be currently experiencing one as I have had extreme cramping and spotting for a few days now, but I have chosen not to post it there so as to not scare the ladies anymore. I really am sorry that you took my suggestion as heartless and upsetting. I just thought that having this be my 4th go round of a pregnancy in a message board group, and having seen what has happened in previous groups when there have been so many miscarriages at once that it would be a good idea to start a new thread. I honestly did not intend to hurt anyone with my comments, so I hope that you'll accept my apology and know that I meant no malice in what I said. I know that you are going through a very difficult time both physically and emotionally right now and I wish you all the best in your journey to heal.

[numberlady]

Brenda - thanks for that info. I will see if they do a urine sample, but won't be too worried as long as all the spotting stops by then.
Katmg - Glad to hear that all is getting back to normal. I am hoping for the same thing.

[katmg]

LylMyss - I PM'd you. :)

I'm sorry I seem to have created a bruhaha over something was just intended to be a vent. :( I never said anyone was heartless, my (admittedly very sensitive right now) feelings were hurt by the idea that my miscarriage (and the miscarriages of others) were so scary that people didn't want to even post in the same thread that I had posted in. I do not now, nor did I ever, harbor any ill-will toward any of those mommas. I wish all the September mommas nothing but the best on their pg journey.

[LyLMyssChaos]

PM Received! :)
And there was no bruhaha IMO, I just couldn't get the stinking PM feature to work, so I wanted to explain things in case it was what I said that hurt you. The miscarriage feelings are still very raw for me, and I had mine 2 years ago this past Valentine's Day. So I fully understand your emotional state. I still get very emotional over things that are pregnancy related. :o

[polkadot]

LylMyss

I'm sorry I seem to have created a bruhaha over something was just intended to be a vent. I never said anyone was heartless, my (admittedly very sensitive right now) feelings were hurt by the idea that my miscarriage (and the miscarriages of others) were so scary that people didn't want to even post in the same thread that I had posted in. I do not now, nor did I ever, harbor any ill-will toward any of those mommas. I wish all the September mommas nothing but the best on their pg journey.

i second all of this...i was in that thread too...i was admittedly upset too...but i understand everyones feelings...((((hugs to everyone))))))) I hope that you are ok and that you go on to have a H&H 9 months or should I say 8? :D

[LyLMyssChaos]

LylMyss


i second all of this...i was in that thread too...i was admittedly upset too...but i understand everyones feelings...((((hugs to everyone))))))) I hope that you are ok and that you go on to have a H&H 9 months or should I say 8? :D


Thanks! Actually at this point, it's a little over 6 months, so we are most definitely keeping our fingers crossed. We have known since I found out I was pregnant that I have a high chance of placental abruption/and or fetal growth retardation due to some medications I am on, so we are just taking it all one day at a time. I am thankful each day that passes that I am one day closer to "viability." Which is even better because at this point, that is only 11 weeks and 4 days. Thank you again for all of your good wishes despite your losses. I only hope that you can join us on the journey again as soon as you are emotionally and physically ready to do so!

[bunnybeth]

pacificbliss Sorry AF showed. :( Hopefully you can work in some BD, even with all the traveling.

kadee I just want to say I hope you get the results back soon. The waiting is really tough, it just feels so unfinished. But, it will be over eventually, nothing lasts forever. (I have heard of O dates at like CD40+ by some women, especially those who don't O often. A bit off from CD14 isn't it?)

Crystal Guilt is pretty common. But, try not to feel too bad about it all. You can't cry forever, and it can come and go. I'm glad you didn't have to have an unwanted D&C and your body is healing on it's own.

numberlady My OB didn't do any post-m/c bloodwork. Just a POAS test to make sure I'd test negative ( 2 weeks after).

Mrs-Mac I think I had more cramping last time, but didn't think anything of it at all back then. I'm trying to relax about it now, I like your "baby is making itself comfortable" philosophy. My first prenatal appointment is Monday, but like you I'm most nervous for my first u/s appt. It was at 10 weeks that I first found out something was wrong. It's hard not to think about things like that, but hopefully we'll get through it somehow.

Trying to keep positive. Only a few more days until my first appointment, back with the first OB I saw. (The practice has 4 total.) I haven't seen her since my last *first* prenatal, so that may be weird. I'm a little nervous for this appointment, but not overly. Last time I had my u/s at 10 weeks, and I'm going to ask if I can have mine a little earlier this time- like 7 or 8 weeks. I felt so cheated last time, that I had so many weeks of "fake" pregnancy. I'd like to know something earlier this time around.

[jeggink]

Quick question, I just finished my 1st post m/c af from hell and am on my 2nd cycle. My 1st cycle was longer by 10 days, which I expected.

Who has had their 2nd cycle end up being shorter?

I am getting fertile cm much earlier than normal along with pre-O pains and I am only cd 11. I normally O on CD 16-22 with O pains occuring the day before O and on O day.

Thanks!

[pacificbliss]

jeggink I have had some short cycles post m/c.

bunnybeth good luck at the appointment. I am sure all is well.

kadee the waiting is the worst but without a series of hcg levels they won't know much. Hang in there and try to relax (I couldn't but it's worth a try)

LylMissChaos Thanks for dropping by. I hope you have a H&H pregnancy.

This entire process is so much more emotional and scary than I ever would have thought. As little as 6 months ago I had no clue about any of this. We should all put our stories together and publish a book.

I am considering buying some of those opk sticks from babycenter.com. I think they had the really cheap ones. I have really mixed emotions about this. I really wanted to be mellow about this and just "let nature take its course" but every time AF shows she takes an emotional toll. Would the arrival of AF be harder to deal with if I got scientific about it? I don't know. I am starting to worry that my due date will pass and I won't be pg. It's not until May but I am feeling very pessimistic.

[Sand]

So am I right to assume that once this m/c bleeding stops, I'm still going to get AF this month as well?!?! :(

[bunnybeth]

Ugh. I started spotting last night, which really freaked me out. I just laid around on the couch, depressed and nervous. But, it was just a little bit of brown so I decided not to call emergency numbers or anything. This morning, I called the OB's office and left a message. A nurse should call me back after 10 or so. But, I have been reading on the pregnancy boards about lots of spotting stories turning out just fine, which reassures me a little. I'm really hoping they'll have me come in early for bloodwork though, I don't want to wait almost a week to know anything.

Sand I think AF should show 2-6 weeks after your bleeding stops. It's different for everyone, but your OB should probably tell you how long to wait for AF before calling.

[Jenzen01]

bunnybeth - i hope all turns out well for you. i had a little bit of brown at the beginning of this pregnancy, and the nurse thinks it was just from implantation. my betas look good, so i hope that everything's fine. with gabe, i spotted really heavy brown stuff and a little pink for about four days to a week when i was about 10 weeks along, and all turned out well. with my miscarriage, everything was red bleeding .... even the early spotting was red.

i'm super-stressed out at work ... we're having some major layoffs ... a good portion of our company is being eliminated. and here i am, freaking out that i'm going to hurt this pregnancy because of all the stress i'm under. :(

[bunnybeth]

Update: the nurse didn't seem all that concerned about my spotting, but because of my previous m/c she's having me stop by the lab tonight to get that first hcg level. And, I'll get my 2nd at my appt on Monday. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Jenzen, thanks for that bit of reassurance. I think it also helps that this is so unlike my m/c, I didn't have any spotting for that until it was confirmed to be coming. I think your work stress is an excuse to make time for yourself to relax. You and the new baby deserve it.

[Lilla]

pacificbliss I used OPKs for the first time this month and they really helped me. My O was late and I probably would not have known if I didn't use them.

Jenzen Sorry to hear work is so stressful for you right now. Please take care of yourself and that little one!

bunnybeth Glad to hear the nurse wasn't too concerned, but I'm glad they are having you come in for a blood draw. Hope those numbers are huge!!


As for me, I'm 11dpo and got a BFP this morning. I'm still in a bit of shock/disbelief. I really want to be excited about this pregnancy, but I think my guard is up because part of me doesn't want to fully connect with it yet. But in the end, what can I do? Worrying constantly is not going to do anyone any good. So, I'm going to be as hopeful and optimistic as possible because at this point, I have no reason not to be, KWIM?

[polkadot]

Bunnybeth- i hope those betas are high high high....fingers crossed for you...

Lila- COngrats.....H&H 9 months to you!!!

i dont even know what cycle day I am and it is WONDERFUL!!!!

[bunnybeth]

Lilla Congrats! Very exciting, hope you are able to relax and enjoy this one. :D If the nurse hadn't wanted the blood draw, I totally would have begged for it, so luckily it didn't come down to that.

polka You're such a charting rebel. ;) Thanks for your high-number hopes.

Franni Are you out there? I was just wondering how everything was going, did you test last week???

[ajlanden]

Quick drive by post to say...

Congrats to Lilla!!! Super, super, duper sticky vibes to you!

bunnybeth-I too spotted right after I got my BFP for a couple weeks. It was even red. I am sure things are just fine. I wonder if we are more likely to spot after a m/c...like not all the stuff is out or something. It seems like many of us have experienced this.... Anyway, sending you sticky vibes as well! Congrats!!!

As for me 14w 1d! 2nd trimester, baby! :eek:

[Sand]

OOooh, Congrats Lilla! Easier said than done but you're right... stressing about it isnt going to do you any good! Sending you some good ~vibes~!

Polkadot - I was never a charter, and i'm hoping things go back to normal so I dont have to. You are a rebel! ;)

Question: How many months did your OB tell you to wait to start trying again? Did it depend on how far along you were?

[Jenzen01]

Congrats Lilla!!!!

Wow, we're on a roll in here. :)

[pacificbliss]

Congrats Lilla!!! Sticky vibes to you

bunnybeth So sorry about the spotting. I am glad your ob is getting you in. I too had only red spotting with the m/c

Yay ajlanden on the start of the second trimester.

[katmg]

Question: How many months did your OB tell you to wait to start trying again? Did it depend on how far along you were?

My OB told us to wait for 2 "normal" cycles after the m/c before TTC again. I didn't ask her why but that was her recommendation.

Congrats to all the new BFP! Awesome to have so much happy news in here!

[numberlady]

Congrats Lilla - Sticky vibes coming your way
Beth - I know it is easier said than done, but just try to relax and take it easy this weekend and hopefully the spotting will pass.
QOTD My doc said I could start trying whenever I wanted. I told him that we would probably wait 2 months and he said that was fine, but that if I got pg right after the m/c it would be OK.

[Sabriel]

Lilla Congrats!

bunnybeth It's scary to have any kind of spotting. I hope your betas are nice and high and your doc gives you good news!

I've hit the second trimester too! 14 weeks 3 days today. Yay!

[papergirl]

hi ladies!

it’s been a looonnnggg time since i last posted in here. since we have officially hit the 11th month mark of TTC i have been spending my time in the SAI (still at it) thread. we are now seeing an RE and i was diagnosed with PCOS, which they think may explain my m/c. we’ll never know if that was the cause but i feel a lot better having some explanation other then “it happens” or the good old “they baby may have been missing chromosomes.”

it great to see that several of the ladies in here are now pregnant. i wish the best for all of you and hope good things come to those trying right now.

sand, you know how sorry i am to see that you joined us. i hope you can at least find comfort in this treat.

as for your question about when can you try again. i was told i could try again after i had one period or when i felt better. i was 8 weeks along when i m/c naturally. we began trying right away since i have heard that after a m/c your body has a higher chance of getting pregnant for a few cycles. i really hoped i would catch that wave of easy baby making. it didn’t happen for us but i’ve seen it happen for others. if it makes you feel better to start trying right away i say go for it. if you need to wait then take some time. i don’t think either way hurts since you m/c’d naturally. for me i just needed to move on a feel like i was doing something. other woman need to grieve – just listen to your heart.

[shouldaeloped]

congratulations Lilla! sending tons of sticky vibes your way!

and congrats on hitting the second trimester sabriel and aj! that's such a relief to make it past that milestone!

[Sand]

Thanks Bumble. I was thinking for my own sanity, to wait. Its only been a week so I may feel differently in a month. I'm certainly not looking forward to AF whenever it is that she is coming back, as that might just send me into hysterics again. I can seem to bottle the tears if I dont talk about it. But every once in a while, they pour out.

I apologize if I sound whiney or needy... its just still a little raw. I guess today is a vent day.

Congrats on hitting the second trimester sabriel and ajlanden!

[Franni]

I'm back from vaca. It's been a crazy few weeks, but AF showed up :( :( :( :(

However .... bunnybeth & MrsMac So happy for you. Yahooooo!!! I am so jealous, but it's great to see "graduates" from this thread. Happy and healthy 9 to you both.

I have an odd thing occur last week and need information.

I got AF around the 10th of Feb. I say around because of the travel and time deferential, it's about 10th or 11th (new york time). Last Thursday (23rd), I was checking the boobs and found BM coming out of one of them. I am not sure what's going on. Could it be cancer? Should I get this checked out? I stopped BF last September, so I can't imagine still having any left. Any thoughts???

Edited to add Lilla to my congrats list. Stickies to you!

[Jenzen01]

I spied one of our members over on the November thread. I think some more congrats are in order when she posts over here. :)

[polkadot]

ohhh i may have to lurk ovber there and find her...;) congrats to whoever the next mommy is

[silentbunny]

It's so nice to check in here and see poeple with happy news... Congrats to the newly pregnant!

[pacificbliss]

I hope everyone in here is doing ok.

My cycles have been wacky since the m/c. I know this is normal but it sure does make it hard to get pg again. Today is either CD9 or CD12.

TMI alert

I would be CD12 if you start counting from the beginning of spotting and CD9 if you count from what seemed like real AF. Normally I would not count from a spotting day but today I think I might be O'ing. My body is a bit of a mystery these days.

[polkadot]

i have a question for all of you ladies that i am not sure i have posted here yet..

I had my m/c in Janurary at 5 1/2 weeks and we have already been through one cycle and my cycle seems to be pretty much the same..my first dr. said we could try again immediatley and then my 2nd dr said to wait another month.
What did/would you do in my situation?
at this point we are not **trying** but we are not **not trying** does that make any sense to anyone? I dont want to get PG and it be a risk for me or the baby...but i dont want to miss a chance to get PG. So i am torn as to what to do...i know i will be O ing in the next few days so any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!!!

thanks girls!!

[Sand]

pacificbliss... I hope it works out for you!!!

I'm still waiting for my 1st cycle post m/c to happen so I figure out my days again too

[brenda]

We waited one cycle, then tried during the second. We're apparently quite a fertile combination, because I got pregnant immediately.

[Sand]

Tough call IMO, polkadot. The want is so intense that getting pregnant is the ultimate goal, and asap feels best so the wait is over. But would you be okay if something were to happen that may not if you'd waited.

Who knows what doctor is right or wrong. There are so many opinions... I guess going with your gut instinct is the way you should go.

I have no medical reasoning for you (and hope anyone that does will speak up) because i'd love to know an answer myself.

Good luck with your decision.

[katmg]

polkadot - Man, I don't know what to tell you. I haven't even had 1 visit from AF since my m/c and I'm already anxious to get pg again. My doctor told me 2 cycles as well, but I don't know what is so magic about that number. I'm not currently taking any prenatals (just taking a much-needed break from everything) so I will definitely take those for at least 1 cycle before TTC again.

I think for me it's just getting in the mindset of gearing up to start this process again. It took so long the first time that I'm going to have to prepare myself for the fact that it could take another year before we are pg. :(

[numberlady]

polkadot My doc told me to wait at least 1 cycle so that my uterine lining could get back to normal. He then went on to tell me that if I "happened" to find myself pregnant before then, that it would be OK to and should not lead to any increased chances of m/c. His wife has had 2 m/c and is about to deliver now, and I am just guessing that she got pg right away. I don't know if that helps or not. I am going through the same thing. I want to get pregnant right away, but know that it is best for dh and I if we wait a couple cycles. It is really hard not to stay preoccupied though.

[shouldaeloped]

polkadot- my doctor has always told me to wait one cycle before trying. I, of course, asked what would happen if we did get pregnant before that. she said more than likely, nothing. they recommend the waiting period for a few reasons- to help you heal emotionally and to understand your ovulation/cycle/conception date a little better. I took DH and I 3 months after the first and 5 months after our second. I have also heard that your body won't you conceive if you aren't ready. I saw go for it! and good luck.

here's a little Baby Dust for you!

[Jenzen01]

polkadot - Honestly, I think you're OK to start trying again. :) A lot of literature says one month, but my dr. recommended three months for emotional healing. We started "not trying" a little early, but didn't get pregnant until after the third month.

I got a call from my dad last night to tell me that my cousin lost her baby. She was 15 or 16 weeks along (due in Aug.). They had already heard the heartbeat. She went in for a routine checkup and the dr. couldn't find the heartbeat. The baby had died about a week ago, and now she has to deliver it on Friday. I am so, so, sad for her. I kept waking up last night thinking about it ... made me remember a lot of feelings.

I'm so scared for my pregnancy right now. I'm 7 weeks along, and I lost my last pregnancy at 8 weeks. I just want to be past that hurdle. I've had lots of cramping the past two days ... more like achy crampiness than anything. My jeans are fitting pretty much the same. Am I overanalyzing things? Gosh. I wish my dr. would give early ultrasounds ... just so I could know.

Jen

[ajlanden]

Jen-Cramping is not a bad thing. It means that everything is growing. I know it is a hard time right now. I won't tell you to relax, because I know it is impossible. Just take a deep breath and know that time will make everything better. ~STICKY, STICKY, STICKY~

polkadot-I am one to tell you to GO FOT IT and not worry about it. Everything that I have read medically, doesn't give any hint that it might be dangerous to get pg right away. The reason to wait are emotionally and to get your cycle back in order. Not good enough reasons for me. I hated waiting ONE cycle. My doc told me that you are more fertile after a m/c, so why not take advantage of it? I would continue to do what you are doing.

pacificbliss-M/c really does a number on your cycle, doesn't it? Frustrating, but just keep watching for signs. Come on eggie!

15W-I had a freakout last night. I was sure the baby had died. I am such a geek. UGHHHH!

Sending everyone ~babydust~ who is trying! And ~healing~ vibes to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jeggink]

Jenzen Oh no... that is so sad. It must also be very difficult for you. {{HUGS}} and keep thinking positive. Maybe you can call and ask for an U/S?

Polkadot I was told to wait one cycle and I had a D&C. Honestly since you had a natural miscarrage I have heard that you wouldn't need to wait at all. But I have also heard between 1-3 cycles. Just go with what your gut tells you, but I would go for it.

Franni So sorry about AF!

Lilla Congratulations!!!!

Bumble Glad they are working with you!

Bunnybeth Hoping everything is going OK.

Well, not much news, 4 DPO today. Just waiting :p .

ETA - Deleted 2 messages that were duplicates.

[bunnybeth]

Oh, I forgot to come in here and update! My appointment Monday went really well. I had an ultrasound, and everything is looking great. The baby was measuring 3 days ahead, had a flickery little heartbeat, and the gestational sac was nice and round. (It was all lumpy shaped last time.) My next appointment is March 28 (10 weeks) and if we don't hear the h/b on Doppler, I'll get another u/s.

I'm still spotting, but not nearly as worried about it... for now. The OB didn't seem very concerned about it, I'm just not supposed to exercise or DTD until it's stopped for 7 days. And, if I have red spotting I'll have to go on bed rest. I'm also reassured by the fact that I stopped cramping this week. (It was really light before, but still nerve-wracking!) Just pressure and bloating down there.

Franni Sorry AF showed up! That is strange about the BM, have you asked your dr about it?

polka AFAIK, the only time when you have to wait is with a partial/molar pregnancy. I think you'll be fine "seeing what happens" this cycle. :)

Jen That's so, so sad about your cousin. Just when you think you can relax. I can understand your own fears, it must be tough coming up on that date. But, I'm sure you'll get past it this time. That is too bad you aren't getting an early u/s. (Ok, I guess this means my spotting has had a good side- crazy!)

jeggink The waiting seems like forever. Hope it goes by as quickly as possible for you.

[Franni]

polka it's a hard choice. to wait or not to wait. I couldn't wait. I want to be pregnant today and my doc told me that we could try immediately after. I don't think there's an increased risk, but I think you have to feel that you are ready to start the roller coaster again.

jeggink, bunnybeth thanks for the so.

bunnybeth glad to hear that everything is going well for you.

Just waiting for O now. DH and I have been BD'ing like cats in heat. I hope we time things right.

questionanyone have any experience with opk's? Should I or shouldn't I? If you have used one and loved it, can you tell me which one?

[Jenzen01]

franni - I like the Answer OPKs, but not the Clear Blue Easy. IMO, Answer are easy to read and give more distinct results. Check out www.peeonastick.com for examples of OPKs. As to whether they are worth it ... I can usually tell when I'm Oing just from CM, but the OPKs give me that extra bit of reassurance, so I like them.

[Franni]

jenthanks for the info

[polkadot]

thanks girls for all the opinions...i think that we are just going to keep on keeping on...if ya get my drift...i feel fine and my body is pretty much like it was before so i am pretty confident....I also think that i KNOW i got PG once so i will get PG again....i think i was so obsessive before b/c i thought it would never happen or that something was wrong with one of us or both....so hopefully all of this **being fertile after a m/c** stuff will happen to be true for us....fingers crossed!!!

thanks again girls :D

ETA: I just got home and i just took my first OPK of 7 and it was positive...i am sooooo confused..i am still having creamy CM and no O pains at all...i didnt think I would O until at least Saturday, and my temp was pretty high this morning usually when I O its drops way down,..oh well...Brian is working tonight...not gonna freak out...if it was meant to be...then i would have o'ed when he was home....

(see how easy that reasoning is :rolleyes: )

[dlj78]

Me: Dana, 27
DH: Nick, 31
Married: 9-18-04
Miscarred: Still waiting:(
TTC: whenever we get the ok from the doc

Hi ladies! I got my BFP on 2-17 and then had a beta done on the 2-24 that showed a beta of 580 at 23 DPO. On 25 DPO my beta was 1188 but my progesterone was only 7.9 so they started me on suppositories this week. I had another beta drawn yesterday and that was only in the 2400 range, way too low for 4 days later. I went in this morning for an u/s and he didn't see anything in my uterus. He thinks that it's probably an ectopic. I have to go get another beta tomorrow to see if my levels are dropping. I am not going to take the suppositories anymore because I don't want to prolong this any longer than I have to. I am just really confused on what to do, do I just sit wait for a natural m/c? I am hoping after tomorrow's beta I will have more answers. It's so devastating and I never imagined that it would hurt so much.:(

[Sand]

I'm sorry you have to go through this dlj78. :( I hope you get the answers you need tomorrow.

[katmg]

dlj78 - I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I had my m/c on 2/4, so I'm still pretty new at this. I started bleeding and went to the hospital so I can't tell you when you could expect to m/c. I would definitely try to talk to someone about it when you get your blood drawn again.

I can say that it has taken almost a month for my betas to go back down to zero. I had my (hopefully!) last blood draw yesterday.

Dr. Office Vent - My ob/gyn's office never cancelled my 2nd prenatal appt. It was supposed to have been yesterday afternoon and when I went in the am to have blood drawn I asked about it. They had never taken it off the books. :rolleyes: I also received a letter this week from the dr.'s office about how much my delivery was going to cost with my insurance. I was so confused, I thought they were calling my hospital visit for the m/c a delivery. :( Nope, they just sent me a letter as if I were still pregnant. I plan on calling the office manager today about this.

[Franni]

dlj I am so sorry you're here. I too wasn't prepared for the hurt. I think I am still dealing with it almost 3 months later.

katmg I hear you about doc office faux pas. I went in for my m/c check (to make sure that all the tissue had passed) and the receptionist told me that I didn't have to do a co-pay since everything will be lumped together with the birth. HELLO!!!

[polkadot]

dlj - so sorry you have to be here...i hope you can get as much comfort from being here as i have...the ladies here are wonderful....i hope your next betas give you more answers....

(((((((hugs))))))))))

as for me...i am cycle day 17...and my temps have shot up...i KNOW there is NO WAY I have O'ed yet...but my chart looks very strange...and i got my first positive OPK yesterday....but i am still having creamy CM....so confusing....jsut when i thought i was back to normal :rolleyes:

[brenda]

DLJ - Sorry you've had to join us. I hope you're able to get some definitive answers soon.

katmg - When I went to confrim my current pregnancy, the midwife was surprised that I looked so small. She thought I was 5 months pregnant. I had to tell her that I miscarried and this was a new pregnancy. Ugh.

[Sand]

Ugh is right, Brenda! The bright side is that you ARE pg! ;)

How are you doing dlj? Did you get answers?

Have wonderful weekends girls!

[bunnybeth]

dlj- I am so sorry that you're going through this. The waiting is just terrible. I decided to wait to see if my body would m/c naturally, and it took about 1 1/2 weeks after the betas confirmed the impending m/c. If you don't want to wait for it, you can talk to your dr about other options. Hopefully you'll get some answers soon.

[dlj78]

Sand - Thank you so much!

katmg - Thank you! I am so sorry about your loss too! I kinda would rather have started bleeding and then find out about the m/c instead of knowing that it was coming and waiting for it. Did that make sense? The wait is killing me.

Franni - I never imagined it would be this hard. I am doing a lot better today. I only cried a few times compared to all day yesterday. Thank you!

polkadot - I love the support here. Sometimes people IRL say all the wrong things and not a lot of people that I know have gone through this. It's comforting to know that I am not alone. Did you ever get a fetility monitor? I remember you asking about them on the charting thread.

Brenda - Thank you so much!

bunnybeth - The waiting is tough. I have talked to a few people and right now I do want to wait and see if it happens naturally. It stinks knowing that it's coming though. Thank you!

~~~~~~~~~~
Unfortunately I have no updates. I don't think that the lab understood the word "stat" on the b/w order today:rolleyes: So now I have to wait until Monday to get today's results back. The nurse did tell me that my doctor wanted to see today's levels and then decide a plan of action.
I have been doing ok today. I am loosing all of my pregnancy symptoms so I know it's real now. My friend told me that I needed to go buy pads because I can't use tampons going through a m/c. So I went and bought some so I am prepared for when it happens.

Quick question - How long did it take your cycle to get back to normal after the m/c?

Hope you ladies have a great weekend! {{{{HUGS}}}} to everyone!

~Dana

[katmg]

Unfortunately I have no updates. I don't think that the lab understood the word "stat" on the b/w order today:rolleyes: So now I have to wait until Monday to get today's results back. The nurse did tell me that my doctor wanted to see today's levels and then decide a plan of action.
I have been doing ok today. I am loosing all of my pregnancy symptoms so I know it's real now. My friend told me that I needed to go buy pads because I can't use tampons going through a m/c. So I went and bought some so I am prepared for when it happens.

Quick question - How long did it take your cycle to get back to normal after the m/c?

Yes - I think having to use pads for 2 days was one of the worst things about the m/c. Luckily my doctor confirmed for me at my first appointment after I went to the hospital that my cervix had closed enough to allow me to use tampons. Thank goodness!

I had my m/c a month ago tomorrow and I haven't had a period yet. I'm not really sure when to expect one - we'll see what happens.

[polkadot]

dlj- no i never did get that monitor...i couldnt win one on ebay to save my life and i cant justify spending that much money yet so i guess i will keep buying OPKs and see if that does the trick.

Yeah people in real life dont always know what to say but the girlies here are wonderful....i hope you get to feeling better very soon...until then (((((((hugs))))))))

[dlj78]

katmg - I hope I get to use tampons too. I remember the pad they gave me at the hospital after my HSG, it was HUGE! It literally felt like a diaper. I was even walking funny, lol!:p
I hope your cycle gets back on track!;)

polkadot - They are so expensive! And the sticks are like $50 for a box of 30!:eek: I tried OPKs but they never worked so I got the monitor instead.
My MIL said to me tonight, "are you sure you were pregnant?":eek: :mad: I should have hung up on her! People!

~~~~~~~
My doctor called me tonight with my betas from today...they were in the 3000s :rolleyes: So it's still going up. He is having me come into the office in the morning for another u/s. So I will let you know what is going afterwards.

Good night ladies!!

~Dana

[Sand]

My MIL said to me tonight, "are you sure you were pregnant?" I should have hung up on her! People!

Oy, sorry. I think its really hard for people who have never experienced this to understand. I'm hoping she wasn't intentionally minimizing it and just trying to think of something to say. Someone said the same thing to me and I wanted to pop their head of!

[numberlady]

Dana I am so sorry you have to go through this, but you have found the right place. I just recently joined, and this group of women has been an amazing support system. IRL, I didn't get as much support as I needed from family & friends that know, but this group really made up the difference. When I was mad, angry or sad, they always came back with something that would help me make it through. I didn't know many people that m/c, so to be able to talk to a group of women that have been through it really helped me. It sucks that you have to go through this waiting game, and the confusing signals your body is giving aren't making it any easier. I hope you get an answer soon, but know that each step will help in the healing of this hurt. Oh and hopefully the thing you MIL said about questioning whether you were really pregnant was just ignorance about how early it is possible to find out vs. being dismissive.
Kat That sucks about the office screwing things up with your appointment. When I left the dr office after my m/c had been confirmed, I went to check out and had to schedule a f/u appt 2 weeks later. I told them that I already had an appt scheduled and gave them the date. They had already canceled it. I guess it was a good thing, but I felt like they had terminated my relationship before I had even accepted that I m/c.

[CapeCod04]

dlj I am so sorry for what you are going through. That period when you don't know is so hard. As for your MIL - how incredibly insensitive. Is she always like that?


I'll join the list of ladies who hated having to use pads. I haven't done that in years - decades even.

Things are getting better here. Hcg still wasn't down to zero last week. Hopefully this week will be it and I can stop the blood draws. What happens after that - I don't know. We won't prevent, but at my age, the odds are against natural conception. I'm still leaving the door open to adoption, but DH is ready to quit. I don't know if I posted this earlier, but he had a bad adoption experience in his first marriage, where the birth mother changed her mind at the last minute. There is also the issue of cost. We would be at the high end of all the "sliding scales" but we do have another option. Unfortunately, with buying a house, borrowing for adoption even from a family member may be more debt that we can or should take on right now.

[dlj78]

Sand - I was in shock with my jaw to the floor. I didn't know what to say to her. She has always had this "better than thou" attitude but I don't think she meant anything by it. But I was so shocked that she did say it. I was wondering what I would have done if we were face to face.

numberlady - It's great here! I love it! I haven't found a lot of support from friends or family either. I am coming to think that they just don't know what to say and when they do say something it's often the wrong thing. Even my good friend who had 5 m/c said some stuff that surprised me. The waiting is the hardest part of all. I am thinking now that MIL didn't mean anything by what she said. She isn't used to all the testing they do these days ;)

CapeCod - Thank you! The not knowing is so hard. MIL isn't always that insensitive but sometimes she can be. I think it was just ignorance the more I think about it. But it still shocked the heck out of me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went for another u/s this morning and we saw the sac in my uterus. I was thanking God that it wasn't in my tubes. He wants to do another u/s in a week to see if he sees anything else. So now I am even more confused. He seems to think that I wasn't as far along as I thought. But how could I have gotten 3 positive HPTs 3 weeks ago and then not see what we were suppose to on the u/s. So we are back to the waiting game. My body is playing horrible tricks on me.

Anyhoo, I hope you are all enjoying the weekend!

~Dana

[polkadot]

dana so sorry you are having to go through all of this and then your MIL too...geesh :rolleyes: Some people....

i hope that your body figures itself out quickly and you get back to normal ASAP....

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

[bunnybeth]

Dana, those conflicting signs would just drive me crazy. In my case, we didn't even suspect anything was wrong until 10 weeks, but the baby stopped developing at just over 6 weeks. So, during those 4 weeks, I'm sure my hcg wouldn't have been going down that much if at all because I was still having pregnancy symptoms and everything. My body was just clueless. In some ways I'm glad I didn't know anything until almost the end. I hope you're able to find some real answers soon.

[Jenzen01]

Hi all,

Having a rough morning here. My dad just emailed to say that a close family friend was killed in a one-car accident last night. I am so sad. This on top of my cousin losing her baby this past weekend is almost more sadness than I can bare.

I'm so scared that I'm going to lose this baby because I can't control my emotions. Does that make sense? Everyone keeps telling me I need to be strong now because of the baby, but can't I just be upset and hurt and sad like everyone else? What if I lose this baby and it's all my fault? I know this is all sounding unreasonable, but that's what my inner self keeps saying ... that if I don't get my feelings under control I'm going to hurt baby.

Oh, gosh, I want this baby so badly. I want things to be OK.

To top it all off, I'm right at the point where I lost the last pregnancy, so I am scared out of my mind with everything that is going on.

Sorry to be such a downer ... just needed to get some of that out.

Jen

[Mrs-Mac]

Jen,
I'm so sorry. You definately have a lot going on right now. Honestly, I think it would probably be more stressful to keep all your emotions in right now. It may be healthier to cry and feel sad. Bottling up feelings may only make you more tense and stressed.

Unless you start drinking heavily or doing some drugs, most likely there is NOTHING you can do that would cause you to lose the baby. Don't let thoughts like that creep into your head (I know its hard, I'm a week from a ultrasound, which is when I learned about the problems last preg and its hard not to be stressed/worried).

Take it one day at a time. Greive for your cousin's baby and your friend. But try to stay positive about your pregnancy. HUGS!!!!
D

[Franni]

Jen BREATHE!!!! The m/c wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done differently. It is normal for you to be sad. So much has happened in the last few weeks. Be sad if you need to be. The baby will be fine.

dlj I would have just lost it with MIL if that happened to me. The fact that you didn't shows amazing grace under pressure. I was a mushy ball of raw emotion after the m/c.

[brenda]

Jen,
Tell people that expressingyour emotions is what keeps you strong instead of a repressed, neurotic mess. Mrs-Mac is right, your emotional upset isn't going to harm the baby. This isn't stress you can avoid, so deal with it the best way you can.

[ajlanden]

Jen-~hugs!~ I am thinking about you!

djl-Your story sound a lot like mine. A LOT! I hope you get some answers soon. Waiting in limbo is the worst!

[dlj78]

polkadot - Thank you!

bunnybeth - It drives me crazy not knowing what is happening with my body. My doctor didn't order any more betas for me. I kinda wish that I didn't know what's going on. I have lost the majority of my pregnancy symptoms except that my bbs are still sore but not nearly as bad as they were.

Jen - I am so sorry to hear this news. Definitely don't hold your emotions in, cry if you have to. Sending tons of {{{HUGS}}} your way!

Franni - Thank you. I think I am numb at this point because I have no answers right now. Once I know for sure, I will be a mess.

ajlanden - Waiting is the worst. I am hoping that this week goes by fast so I can get some more information and answers.

[polkadot]

for those of you who use or have used Preseed....i have a question?

Do you think it made your Cm harder to indentify? We used it for the last 3 days and it seems liek i didnt get past Watery CM at all and usually I have atleast one good day of EWCM. So just wondering?

thanks...

[katmg]

I finally talked to the "office manager" at my ob/gyn's office about the letter they sent regarding my delivery costs. :rolleyes: I told her I had a miscarriage a month ago and I was just wondering why I received this letter last week. She apologized and admitted that, yes, she should have checked my account first. Somehow, I didn't feel any better though. Sigh. I will be sure and tell my doctor the next time I see her though.

[Mrs-Mac]

Morning Ladies,

Dana I'm so sorry you are here. You have definately been on a rollar coaster. I truely hope you get some answers soon. Waiting and not knowing is so difficult.

katmg Sorry to hear about your stupid doctor's office. You would think that they would just be so much more aware and sensitive.

CapeCod It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Buying a house can be so stressful. Don't feel like you need to decide everything right now (about adopting). Take it one step at a time.

Franni I have no experience with opks. Did you ever talk to your Dr about the BM? Hope all is okay.

Bunnybeth Great news about your ultrasound!! That's wonderful!!

To everyone else I am missing, POSTIVE THOUGHTS!!

I'm doing pretty good. I'm about 7 weeks. I have an ultrasound next Tuesday. I'm pretty nervous, but trying to stay positive. Some days I feel different than last time (worse...more tired, nausous, etc), other times, it feels the same. But I try not to read into anything too much.

[katmg]

I'm having a rough couple of days. Not really sure why - I'm just kinda blue about the whole m/c thing and having to think about starting over. I feel like I'm getting ready to run a marathon.

My mom told a lot of her friends (without asking me) and when I think of them pitying me it just makes me mad/frustrated/sad. For some reason that feeling of having someone pity me is the worst.

Sorry to be a downer guys...it's rainy, yuck-o outside today and it's just bringing me down.

[Franni]

katmg {{{{hugs}}}} m/c is one of the worst experiences you will ever have to go through. It is really normal to have good days and bad days. I completely know your feeling about running a "marathon". I still can't help but feel a twinge of pain when I see the July 2006 mommy-to-be thread come up. Don't avoid the pain. Just let it be, because you really can't hide from your own feelings.

Phooey on your mom for telling other people. I told no one and I know that it helped me trememdously to not have to feel that "pity". But what's done is done. I think you can let your mom know that you want to keep this experience private and would appreciate that she not "share" this with anyone else.

[katmg]

Thanks Franni! I know my mom told her friends b/c she needed some support about her feelings of grief about the m/c. But it is still frustrating for me especially b/c it starts to just feel like gossip. They all work at my old high school - so the thought of my 9th grade math teacher knowing so much of my private life bugs me. :rolleyes: Y'know?

I think I just need to tell my mom that I don't really want to talk about TTC or the m/c at all for awhile. I liked it better when she didn't really know that we were TTC and I didn't have to deal with her sending me articles on infertility, etc.

[Sand]

Katmg, I'm sorry you are having a bad day. You are most certainly entitled to them. To think about having to start all over again it makes me sad too.
I'm having a similar issue with my mom. She was very upset with me that i didnt tell her right away. And wanted to tell my whole family, but I aksed her not to. She said that she was so upset becuase her baby lost her baby. We have the emotional and physical (maybe not visual) scars and know that it happened to "me", not them. But think of how sad it made you feel to know your child was hurting...its kindof the same for them.

I'm really thinking about all you gals and hope everyone is OK!

[CapeCod04]

katmg {{{{{}}}} I understand what you are saying. Perhaps you should also ask your mother to let her friends know that it is not something you want to discuss. You want to avoid someone saying something down the road unexpectedly.

[pacificbliss]

katmg I know how you feel. I hate the idea that people are discussing me and feeling sorry for me. I would be very upset with my mom if she sent me articles or books or anything. As it is I have asked her not to ever ask me if I am pg or trying to get pg. I can't take it. hugs

[numberlady]

Katmg..{{{hugs}}}I definitely know how you feel about not wanting random people knowing your business. I was the same way and thus didn't tell my good work friends because at least one of them is a big gossip and can't keep anything secret. I wanted to tell them even after the m/c that I had been pregnant and m/c, but I couldn't bear the thought of them knowing that I might be ttc soon and either wondering or asking about it and telling others who would do the same. I finally broke down and told one lady (she is much older than me and has kids my age) last week, because at some point she had shared with me her struggles with ttc and I knew she would understand. It was nice to talk to someone who went through it and was willing to talk about it and I know I can trust her to not tell anyone else.

My mom pressured me to tell other family members too and next time I won't do that and I am debating if I will tell her right of the bat like I did this time. My sister didn't even call me until about a month after my m/c and that was only because she called to wish me happy birthday. She said she didn't know what to say, which I guess I understand. I guess it was very frustrating to me because I told a few people early on, knowing that I would want them to support me if something happened, only when it happened, those weren't the ones that were very supportive. Maybe because they were closer to me and felt really bad for me or something, I don't know. Then I have to try and think how I would have reacted (pre m/c) if the same had happened to them. I know that my reaction today would be much different than my reaction pre m/c. I now know how important it is to just be there to listen and talk about the grief and sadness.

I also want to recommend getting away if you can for a couple of days. For my birthday last week DH and I went to the beach for a long weekend. It totally reframed my mind, so that I am not so obsessed and constantly thinking about the m/c. That doesn't mean I don't think about it, but before I wanted to get pg immediately to "replace" the pg that I lost. Plus DH and I had decided to wait a couple months to TTC and I was having a hard time with that. Now I feel much more centered, and know that it is best to wait it out and really it is not that long from now. That is not to say I am totally over the grief. I still lurk in the Sept momma's thread and wish that I was there, and I am sad when I see pg women in the store, but I know/hope that once everything is right it will happen to me. And right might not be defined by me and my timing, someone much smarter than me knows when it is right.

This post became much longer than I expected, so I'm sorry for rambling, but once I started typing I couldn't stop. This thread is so great for getting out those feelings that you don't always communicate to IRL friends.

[happy]

Name:happy 27
DH: 29
Married: April 27, 2002
M/C in process - the baby measured 6 weeks but should be about 9 weeks we are waiting for the baby to pass and contemplating a D&C
TTC: As soon as possible
DS: Benjamin 8-14-04

Well I am still kind of in shock that I am actually going to miscarry. I still feel pregnant which is so strange to me. I am very nausious and extremely tired that is why it is hard for me to belive that the baby is not alive inside of me. We were in such shock yesterday at our ultrasound when we heard the bad news. I guess since we had one healthy prenancy we just assumed we would have another. Our inital response was that we would just wait and let nature take its course but we are now considering a D&C so that we can move on. Does anyone have any advice on this subject? Well that is all for now back to crying :(

[katmg]

Happy - I'm so, so sorry that you are joining our group. I was not given the option of having a D&C b/c I had already passed most of the tissue (?) and my miscarriage was proceeding "normally." That being said it still took a good 3 weeks for my bleeding/ spotting to spot completely and now 6 weeks later I am still awaiting my period. I personally, if God forbid, this happens again, would have the D&C so that I could get it over with faster and start healing faster. If I had had to wait for the bleeding to start, I'm not sure I could have handled that.

<<Hugs>>

[CapeCod04]

Happy I'm so sorry for your loss. If you don't want to wait for a natural m/c, but also don't want a D&C, ask your doctor about medication they can give you to start the process. My doctor gave me the choice of medication or waiting for it to happen naturally. I just couldn't bear the thought of waiting, carrying my baby when it had died, not knowing when it would happen - so I took the medication.

[happy]

Hi ladies,
Thanks for all the helpful information. I think that my husband and I have decided to go ahead with a D&C on Tuesday if nothing happens before then. I am suppose to start teaching swim lessons next week and would like to be able to go ahead with that instead of postponing it. I think that it would be even harder than it has already been to just continue to wait. Does it get any easier? I found out today that a friend of my who had her first child 4 days after me is pregnant again with twins. I am excited for her but very jealous. I wanted to be the one in that situation. I know that our time will come. I know I can get pregnant I was just so excited for this baby and that my kids were going to be so close in age. Well that is all for not just continuing to wait

[dlj78]

katmg - I am so sorry that you were having a rough few days! Sending lots of hugs your way! I hope you are doing ok!

Happy - I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am kinda in the same boat, just waiting right now. Again, I am sorry you are here.

~~~~~~~
I still have nothing to update. I will be getting my other u/s either today or tomorrow so as soon as I have some answers I will update you ladies.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

~Dana

[Franni]

Happy I am so sorry that you have to be here. It is a difficult to be happy for your pregnant friend. My dear friend is due the same month as my baby would have been. Although it's been months now, I still have a hard time looking at that due date and not feel a twinge. Time will heal. That's very hard to believe right now, but it will. Let yourself grieve.

dlj The waiting is always the worst. I hope you get your answers soon.

As for me, I am in my 2nd 2WW. I am trying very hard to be positive and to count my blessings either way. In another 2 days, I think I will test. Wish me luck.

[CapeCod04]

AF decided to show up this morning. This is my first since the miscarriage 6 weeks ago. Hopefully I will now settle back into "normal" cycles. I'm not sure what that is anymore! I started various means of ART a year ago and they all included controlling my cycle. I assume my body remembers what to do!

[jeggink]

Franni Crossing my fingers for you!!

happy So sorry to see you joining. I went the D&C route and am very happy I did. I am glad I didn't have to wait cause for me it would have been a while as my HCG levels were really high.

katmg That sounds horrible, I would hate it if my mom told everyone what hapened. Hope all is getting better!

polkadot I never used pre-seed, but when we DTD, I had to wait a full 24hrs before I had somewhat accurate cm.

Jenzen01 How are things going? Better?

dlj78 Hoping your ultrasound looks good, the waiting game is soo hard.

ETA - CapeCod Hoping things look up from here. I remember how relieved I was when I finally got AF, a new start!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Well ladies I figure i would come update with some good news.
http://images.snapfish.com/34654%3A5%3A2%7Ffp33%3A%3Enu%3D3239%3E6%3A5%3E689% 3EWSNRCG%3D323357%3C59%3A8%3B6nu0mrj

I got it yesterday. Very nervous but excited. We shall see what happens. I don't intend on going to the dr till 7-8 weeks as the last time going every week to check things out was just to stressful, that rollercoaster. So I figure I will assume everything is OK and see then.

[Jenzen01]

whoo-hoo! congrats jeggink!

happy - I'm sorry to see you over here. It's a very tough thing to go through, so give yourself lots of time to heal.

I'm doing a lot better. I went home last week for the funeral, which really gave me some closure. I also got to spend some time with my cousin who lost her baby ... We had a very good talk, and I just feel so much better about everything. It was hard being so far away from everyone who was hurting. It helped me to go home, cry with those who hurt, give some hugs, talk about the pain. I finally feel like I was able to do something about all the bad things that were happening to those I loved.

Also, a big milestone for me ... I'm past the point where I miscarried last time. Keeping my fingers crossed that there's a little heart beating away in there. My clothes are starting to get snug, so that must be good. :)

[dlj78]

Congrats jeggink!!!

Franni - Good luck in this 2ww!!! Crossing all crossables for you!;)

CapeCod - I hope that your cycles get back to normal! That's one thing that I am worried about, having whacky cycles. I hope AF doesn't hang out for too long!

Jenzen01 - I am glad that you are doing better. When is your next appointment? Crossing everything for you!:)

~~~~~~
I had my u/s and there wasn't much change since the last one. So we did another beta to see where my levels are and to get an idea on how to proceed(natural or d&c). I thought that I was prepared for this but I guess not. I have already broken down twice at work and I have a throbbing headache. As soon as we find out the beta I will know if I can stop the progesterone suppositories, they are no fun!:rolleyes: I did have some cramping this morning so I am not sure if things are getting ready or what. I'll be back when I get my results!

~Dana

[jeggink]

dlj78 I am soo sorry :(. That is really hard {{HUGS}}. How many weeks are you?

Jenzen01 Thanks, glad to hear some healing is going on! Woohoo on passing the m/c milestone, can't wait till I do!

[Foofie357]

Hi, can I join you ladies?

I have been comtemplating joining for a long time. I have only ever 'joined' one other thread and that was the Sept mommies. Here are my stats:

Name: Steff, 26
DH: Brian, 26
Married: November 24, 2001
M/C: 9 weeks. D&E Feb 23. I am considering this her date, but she had died about a week before that.
TTC: April 06
DS: Christopher 8-12-04

My story:

I had a rocky pregnancy with Christopher. When I got pregnant this time, I was ready for a rocky ride, but not prepared for what was to happen. I never thought it wouldn't end in a healthy child. I asked my doctor for betas, which tripled beautifully! I had no symptoms, just a little tired. On Sunday Feb 19th, I started bleeding. Monday, I had an ultrasound which showed the baby had died. Devastated doesn't even describe the feeling. I wanted to wait to see if I would pass the baby on my own. By Thursday, I was passing huge clots and soaking through my clothes with blood. I couldn't do it anymore. I went into triage and had a D&E on thursday. I am so glad I did, because it was over and I could move on emotionally and physically. I know I was pregnant with a little girl so we named her Abigail Rose. Our hospital, in conjunction with a church, offers a free burial(SHARE) to all miscarried babies. We elected to do the SHARE burial, and it is tomorrow at 2:30.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. I have no idea where my cycle is as it's day 19 after the D&E. The doctor said that we could start trying after one normal AF, so I am just waiting.

The doctor seems completely convinced(without testing) that it was a chromosomal problem. I am just not sure what to think of that. All I know is I cannot go through this again.

I apologize for no S/O's. I will do them though.

Thanks, Steff

[shouldaeloped]

just stopping in to give a huge Congratulations to Jeggink! happy and sticky 9 months to you!

sorry to see all the new members here. . . it still blows my mind how many of us have to join this thread. I hope you all find some peace soon. this is a good place to start.

[polkadot]

Jeggink!- sticky vibes to you....h&h 9 months...

hey uys check out my chart...you think todays temp could be implant?

[pacificbliss]

First the happy stuff

Congrats to jeggink on the BFP and to jenzen01 on the milestone.

Sorry to all the new members. We are here for you...

[Lilla]

Sorry to see all the new members in this thread. :( Hugs to happy, dlj and Foofie. I hope you find comfort in this thread - we are all here for you.

Congrats jeggink! Can't wait to see you over in the Nov thread!



Sorry I haven't had a chance to pop in here for a while. Things are progessing along ok on my end. I'm at 6w2d today - which is right around the same time the development stopped with my last pg, so I'm a bit more on edge these days. Had my first doc appt Friday, which went well. I am scheduled for an u/s this coming Friday to make sure there is a h/b. Part of me is excited for the u/s, but a bigger part of me is afraid it will show what it showed last time I had one done (no h/b). I really hope we get good news Friday. Please keep your fingers crossed.

[Mrs-Mac]

happy I'm so sorry you are here. I decided to have a d&c, because I wasn't sure I would have the emotional strength to wait for my body to figure out what was going on (I had an empty sac, no embryo formed). I think it helped with closure and physically it was essentially a painless recovery.

Steff I'm so sorry for your loss. Thats nice that you had the option of a burial. It will be a nice way to remember your baby girl.

Jeggink Congrats! Sticky, positive vibes your way!!

Dana I don't think there is a way to prepare yourself for the type of news we have all recieved. I hope you get some answers and the waiting is over soon.

Jenzen01 I'm glad you were able to be with your family this weekend. I can imagine your cousin found your time together as healing as you did. And congrats on passing your milestone.

Things are okay here. I had a rough weekend. My SIL is also pregnant and due 6 days before I am. They are the only people who knows we are pregnant. They had a party for their son's 2nd brithday on Saturday and decided they would tell everyone about the new baby on the way that day (they left the 8week ultrasound pics on the fridge). I was just so jealous and hurt and angry at both of them. I know it probably is stupid, but it just didn't seem fair that they were getting hugs and congratulations and I couldn't, even though I'm pregnant too. If everything is okay at the ultrasound tomorrow, we will tell our parents, but are still waiting until the next appt at 11 weeks before we will everyone else. I'm just so jealous that they don't have the same worries and concerns that I do. I was hurt that they were just so oblivous to the fact that it might upset me. I guess because of my experience with a m/c, I would be so much more empathic to others. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I would never say anything to them, and I'm sure I am over-sensitve, but it was still hard.

I hope everyone else is doing well. Positive, positive thoughts to all.

[Franni]

jeggink I am so excited for you. YES!!!!!! I hope I can join you soon. I remembered we were in the Nov 2004 (or was it October) thread together and you were the first to give birth in that thread. Joseph coming early was such a wake-up call to me then that I needed to get my act together and get ready. Congratulations!!!!

[Sand]

Foofie + Happy, I'm sorry you have to join us. :( You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[jeggink]

Foofie357 So sorry you are here!! It sounds like the m/c was very rough!!! {HUGS}

Franni Yup, the October 04 thread. Yeah, I remember allt o well Joseph coming 5 weeks early, very scary! Glad it got you to put your act together :p . It seems like so long ago now!

Mrs-Mac So sorry you had a rough weekend! That must have been so hard seeing them telling everyone and not being able to yourself!!

Lilla Hoping your ultrasound goes well!

Polkadot Hmmm, maybe :).

Thanks for all the congrats ladies, it means a lot!

[ajlanden]

Let's see if I can get caught up...

First off...jeggink-You know how thrilled I am for you! I am as excited for you and I was for me! :D Super duper sticky vibes!

Foofie357-~hugs~ I feel for you. I really do. Allow yourself time to mourne. One day at a time...

Dana-I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to hear those words, even when you are kinda expecting it. I am thinking of you..

Mrs-Mac-Your feelings are completely justified. I just doesn't quite seem fair that you are not experiencing what your SIL is. hugs! Good luck at your u/s! I am sure everything will look great!

Lilla-I'll be thinking of you Friday! So scary , but so exciting too! I can't wait until you see that little flicker, flickering away!!

polkadot-Wow, it did dip rather low. Hmmm....could be implant...who knows? I am anxious to see your temp tomorrow. IMPLANT LITTLE BABY!!

Nothing much new for me. Almost hit 17 weeks. :D

~sticky baby dust to all!~ Take care of yourselves!

[happy]

jeggink - Congrats on your pregnancy! I am very excited for you. I pray that everything goes well for you this time around.

Dana - I am so sorry about what you are going through. I am sure it is so hard not knowing what is going on. Keep us updated on what you find out.

Mrs-Mac - I know that it can be hard when someone supposedly "steals your thunder" but just think hopefully in a full weeks you will be the one receiving all the attention. Your turn will come soon.

Lilla- I hope everything goes well on Friday. I will never go into an ultrasound the same again. I am sure everything will be great though.

polkadot - I charted just a little bit before I got my BFP with this child but I hope that was an implantation dip.

Foofie357 - I am so sorry that you are also joining us. I know that MC can be really hard but everything has a purpose and time will help heal the pain (I hope I haven't really experienced that since i just MC but I am sure that it will)

Steff - It is good that you were given the option of a buriel. It will be a nice sense of closure for you I am sure. Also very nice that you knew it was a girl. I wish I knew what this child was/is.

**********

not much new to report here. Just trying to figure out what to do next. My Dr.'s office is closed on Monday's so I am still in the waiting game. I really want to schedule a D&C so that I can move on. For those of you that had them what was the recovery time like for you? Did you have any restrictions afterwards? Was it outpatient? I have not asked a lot of questions from my Dr. I was in such shock on Firday when I found out and I have not been able to talk to her since then. I have done a lot of research on the internet on it and have kind of decided that is what I need to do. Hopefully I will find out more info tomorrow and I will update you when I find something out. Time to get my munchkin to bed so that I can relax for a little before it is my bedtime :) Have a great night everyone

[pacificbliss]

happy, I am so sorry. I had a D&C with my m/c. They told me the recovery really varies by person. Mine was outpatient. I was asleep for the procedure. When I woke up DH was there. I stayed for maybe half an hour and then I was free to go. You will be pretty coherent after but will need someone to drive you home. Sometimes a doc will do a D & C under general anasthesia. I ams not sure who gets what when. I had choice and opted for the local and a sedative. You could have bleeding for a few days or a few weeks. Your cervix will be dilated so no tampons, sex, or immersion in water for a few days. This is to prevent infection. My bleeding and pain was pretty much like having AF, same length and intensity. I got my first AF at the time I normally would have if I had not been pg. I was at 8 weeks. I feel like I have been very clinical but I got the impression that was what you wanted to know? I should stress that this was my experience and it varies by person/doctor/hospital.

[dlj78]

Hey ladies! Sorry for no personals, I hate not doing them but I have no energy right now. I want to thank you all for your thoughts, they really help!

I talked to my doctor tonight and my betas went up to the 11,000 range and my last beta was 3400 ten days ago. It should have been higher. I am to stop the prometrium and see if I miscarry naturally. If nothing is happening by next week we'll take another look and talk about a d&c. I hope it happens naturally and soon. I have no hope nor do I want this pregnancy to continue with all these problems and bumps, I am sorry if that is wrong to say but I don't think this would result in a healthy baby. So that's where we are, waiting again.
Thank you all again for all of your support, it really means a lot and I appologize again for not getting to personals.:o

~Dana

[numberlady]

Happy - Sorry that you have to join us. The waiting is the worst.
Steff - So sorry that you are here. That is amazing that you were able to find out that you were having a little girl and honor her in the way you did.
CapeCod - AF showed for me this morning too. Here's hoping that our cycles get back to normal. I don't know about you, but it brings back memories of the m/c for me. For me it has only been 30 days.
Dlj - I am so sorry that you are having to go through this waiting game. Do they think that you may still have a viable preganancy?
jeggink - Congrats on your BFP!:D Sticky vibes coming your way!
Jenzen - I'm glad you were able to go be with your family. Hopefully that will help with you grieve the losses. Congrats on passing your milestone. I know once I get pg that will be a big relief for me.
Lilla - Fingers crossed that everything looks great on the u/s Friday.

[jeggink]

Happy hope this helps, I wrote it right after.

DH drove me to the hospital an hour before the procedure. I went into the outpatient surgical waiting room and told the check-in I was there. I get called back just about immediately and right away am asked if anyone was with me. I told them I had a 15 mth old son that was hard to keep in a waiting room and that DH would come after everything was done. Anyway, they have me go into a room and have me strip down to nothing, put on a gown and footies. I sat down on the bed while waiting for them to return.

The nurse came in and took my temp, blood pressure, got me signed in, got a wrist band and put in my IV. I did cry a little bit while she was there as I was emotional and somewhat scared and nervous. The nurse was really sympathetic and stated how sorry she was. Anyway, the IV didn’t hurt as much as when they did mine at the labor of DS, so at least that was good. I started getting some saline solution. I was also given an outline of what to expect before, during and after the procedure.

At that point we were now waiting for my dr. to come in for the procedure. They had a room open early so they were trying to get him down, but he was still with patients. After that the anesthesiologist came in and told me what he was going to do. He was going to give me a sedative ahead of time and then once in the room he would give me the anesthesia and some additional sedative. The sedative allowed him to give me less anesthesia. I told him that I had sensitivity to sleeping drugs and they affect me very strongly. I also told him I was concerned about nausea after the procedure. He told me he would give me a little less of the anesthesia and that this procedure didn’t really require a lot anyway, and he would give me something for the nausea. So he gave me a tiny amount of sedative and I really didn’t feel it at all. I was also told that the sedative would cause me not to remember much.

The actual OR nurse that would be taking care of me came by and asked me some questions, filled out some paperwork and left. Once the dr came in and said Hi, we were ready to go.

The anesthesiologist gave me some more sedative and we were underway to the OR room. I started feeling the sedative on the way. I also got to put on my lovely mesh hat. Once in the room it was quite chilly, I told them that, they agreed and turned up the temp a little. They had me scoot to the OR bed and had me prop my but in a certain location by a hole in the bed. I remember them putting some heart monitors on me as they were cold and that is about it, can’t remember anything after that. I am not sure if that is when they started the anesthesia or not.

I remember barely waking up when the nurse put on underwear for me, the lovely mesh stuff, and a pad. She asked me to lift my hips and I barely could. I was very groggy and still half asleep I guess. I started coming out of it a bit more and was able to open my eyes and move a little. The nurse asked what my pain level was and it was quite low at that point. About 5 min later or so, I asked me how the procedure went. I was in the OR for 30 min and the procedure took 10 min.

She told me that I was on pitocin and that my pain might increase. She was right so I asked for some advil a few minutes later. She suggested something else as I had an empty stomach. I took that and it made me feel sleepy again, and she only gave me ½ a dose.

The dr called DH at the house and told him when he could come see me and that everything looked good.

The nurse asked if I wanted to sit up, I said yes. She raised the bed and I couldn’t sit up, I was too weak, so she brought the bed fully down and I scooted up and then she raised the bed. She brought me some ice chips which felt good. After that I got a little gingerale and some crackers and cookies. I started feeling a bit better after that. I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in ~18-20 hrs.

At that point she asked if I was ready to get dressed, about 20 min later. I said yes. She took off all the sensors and blood pressure monitors after that, but left on the IV just in case. So she helped me get dressed, asked if I needed to go to the bathroom, which I said yes. I went to the bathroom unsteadily; I was groggy and dizzy, but it was necessary. I then was helped to a recovery room where I sat in a chair.

There DH and DS were brought back to me, my IV was removed and instructions were given. Can’t drive for 24 hrs, can’t sign important paperwork for 24 hrs, no tampons, no baths, etc. I was also given a prescription for antibiotics and a Tylenol with codeine if I wanted it.

They took me in a wheelchair down to the car. I got in. DS drove home, I went up a few flights of stairs slowly and sat down once I got home happy to be back! It took a few advil, drank a little bit, wasn’t really hungry and went to bed. DH let me sleep in a little and I feel better today, groggy and a little out of it, also a little slower than normal, but OK. I did end up going to work today.

I had heavy bleeding that night, then bleed lightly for about 10 days. My overall cycle was about 10 days longer than usual.

[jeggink]

Thank you ladies for all the congrats, I still can't believe it's real :D. I am just taking things one day at a time right now.

dlj78 So sorry :(. It is so hard to wait to find out what is going on {HUGS}!!

[katmg]

jeggink - Congratulations! That is wonderful news!

jenzen01 - What a great relief to pass that previous m/c milestone. I hope the rest of the pregnancy is smooth sailing!

Foofie - I'm so sorry that you are joining us here. I remember you from the Sept. thread.

Lilla - I hope that everything is going well with the pregnancy! I'll be thinking about you on Friday.

Mrs.Mac - It is frustrating that others don't *think* about what impact their words and actions will have. A little sympathy/empathy never hurt anyone.

happy - Sorry, I can't help - I m/c'd naturally.

dana - I'm so sorry. I hope that things progress quickly for you. :( *Hugs*

Whew! I'm all caught up! Not much new with me - I would have been 12 weeks tomorrow. These little milestones still get to me. I wish I could stop thinking about the past and focus more on the future...sigh...I'll get there, right?

[polkadot]

af showed this morning 4 days early...i only had an LP of 9 days...i am devestated....my chart looked great....i thought yesterday was a implant dip...i was wrong...i am so upset...i want to go to bed and cry

[bunnybeth]

happy and Foofie I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. I hope you find the support you need.

Dana It's so tough that you're still waiting for answers. Hopefully it can get sorted out really soon.

Franni Crossing my fingers for you!

jeggink What a pretty line, congrats!

Lilla That first u/s can be so nerve-wracking. I hope yours turns out to be a happy and exciting one.

Mrs-Mac I completely agree with your feelings on your SIL's announcement. Maybe we are just extra sensitive, but it does hurt to see other people being so carefree about something that scares us everyday. Good luck with your u/s!

katmg I kept up my "would have been __weeks" count for awhile myself. Eventually I noticed I just didn't want to figure it out anymore and stopped. Mostly.

polka What a short LP! Are you sure it's AF? That just seems really weird since it's never been that short before (at least in your online charts). Something to bring up with your dr, at least. Hope you feel better soon!

Not much going on with me. Almost 8 weeks along, and just 2 more weeks until my next appointment. I'm getting nervous about it already. At least I've had a couple of spotting-free days now.

[happy]

Thanks everyone for your imput on D&C's jeggink and pacificbliss Thanks so much for the imput that is exactly what I wanted to hear. I did go ahead and schedule a D&C for Thursday AM. I have one more question for now though. Do they typically do an ultrasound first to make sure there has been no change with the baby? I think that it would make me feel better if they did. I know that the baby is not alive but part of me just want's to make sure before we go ahead and completely terminate the pregnancy is that strange of me to ask?

[JAYLIN]

HAPPY....I'm so sorry you have to go thru this....I had 2 D&Es....with my first one, it was with twins, and I wondered the same thing, and they did NOT do an ultrasound. I'm guessing because viability was already assumed determined, so there is no point. It would have been reassuring though, just to be sure. I also didn't ask, maybe the could if you would ask.

With my second one, I knew what to expect and I asked my doctor at my pre-op visit and she happily snuck me into the ultrasound room just for 1 last check.

So if you have a pre-op dr. appt definately ask to do it then because I wouldn't expect it at the hospital.

Hope that helps.

[numberlady]

Polkadot Sorry AF showed. Your chart did look very promising. I know that you are disappointed.
Kat - The milestones are still bad for me too. Sorry I can't offer any words of encouragement, but I though I was doing much better until today when a/f showed. It has brought back all the memories of the m/c.