When your husband is in graduate school...

[ktdelsur]

We had a "support" thread going "over there" that was nice to check back in with sometimes...thought I'd start it up to see if any of those folks wanted to come back in here.

Me: Katie
DH: Ben
DH's degree: MS in Entomology
Anticipated Graduation Date: August 2006
Locale: SC
Kids? One on the way in December 2005

It's hard sometimes having to be the main breadwinner (especially when you're not winning that much bread) and having your hubby with his nose in a book 24/7, or in my husband's case, in a lab most of the day.

[swampy]

Hi Katie,

My DH is also in grad school. Biggest problem is that I am as well, so neither one of us is winning much bread -- living on 2 student stipends. :eek:

Me: PhD in chem, ex. grad in 2008
DH: MS in EE, ex grad june 2006; PhD expected 2010.

Furthermore, I'm thinking of going for a JD for intellectual property law ...

It is so scary to think that we'll probably both be in school till the next DECADE.

No kids yet -- we plan to start in about 7-8 years (i.e. when we're both out of this mess!)

The upside is that we're both on similar schedules, and our labs are in the same building, so we can spend all of our (minimal) free time together.

[shouldaeloped]

I can relate, my DH is in law school getting ready to start his third year. so he'll graduate in May 2006. I know, it's almost here but it's been a long road and I am ready for it to be over. more importantly, I am ready for him to have a job! even if he doesn't start for a while, I just want something locked down.

no kids yet but we are fighting that sometimes difficult battle which doesn't make it any easier for the stress levels around here!

good to know there is a place where people can empathize!

[December27JJB]

My DH just finished grad school last month. It was interesting because I was in school when he was working and then when we moved here, he started school and I started working. It was hard because while he was in school we got married (I had to do most of the planning), we bought a house, and got pregnant. Thankfully, the baby was born AFTER he was done with school. Another reason it was hard was because I worked from 8-5 and he would do his schoolwork during the day but I was too tired to interact when I got home and there were days when he was in class when I got home. Now, we both are home with a baby. It is nice because we are spending time together, and with our daughter, and learning to be parents together.

It is hard but time goes by really fast!!!

[karlatta]

My DH is in law school, but I think that counts. Fortunately for our finances, he's in a part-time program, so he still works a full-time job and then goes to class in the evenings. Unfortunately for me, this means he's gone around 14 hours a day. Neat, huh?

We won't end this mess until June 2008, but we're still TTC and hopefully we'll be able to bring a baby into all of this mess!

[dreamgirly]

Yay! I found it! :) Posting details again, I wasn't terribly active in the past year on WC anyway...

Me: Suzi
DH: Joe
DH's degree: MS/PhD in Electrical Engineering
Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2009
Locale: FL
Kids? not even close to TTC, if ever.

He is working full-time right now, going to grad school as well. So we're not living off just my income (thank goodness!) but we're looking to fund his PhD studies with just what we're saving right now and what I will be making then. eek! :) I'm working on some post-bacc stuff with intentions of also starting my Masters in January, while working full-time.

DH took the summer off, so we could work on the house a bit instead of studying every night. I've really enjoyed it but am afraid I'll miss him again when classes start in August! :o

[ktdelsur]

Yeah we weren't planning on trying for a baby until after he finished school next year...but *poof* somebody upstairs thought otherwise, because, SURPRISE, we'll have a baby by Christmas. I'm anxious for him to have a job too, so I can possibly go part-time and have more time with the baby - we'll see. It's all so up in the air and I feel like we're in this limbo until he gets a job. Ugh.

[Brandles]

Good! I'm glad this thread was started over here. DH is going back to grad school for his doctorate (in computer media something or other...it's hard to explain) this fall. Three more years and he'll be done and hopefully get a job somewhere around here, teaching "electronic media" (or something similiar) at a college or university!

[KatieK]

My DH will graduate with his MD/PhD in May 2006. Right now we're getting ready for residency match, which is really only stressful since Ill be graduating from law school in May. I'd love to be able to look for a job, but without knowing where we're going to be, I cant even really look until March 15!!

To be honest, I dont think his being in school has been too bad. We have pretty limited time together, but we both agree that we enjoy that time more since we know its an infrequent thing. :)

[miel]

When my DH was in grad school we actually lived in separate states! It was a 6 hour drive to see him. First I was in grad school and he worked 7 hours away and then he was in grad school and I worked 6 hours away.

It's a miracle we made it.

I was loony and demanding, I think but he handled it well. I made him get a cell phone so I could reach him in the library.

It was just a 2 year master's. I was pregnant when he was writing his thesis and I said--you better finish this before the baby comes! Great motivation. He finished a month before I gave birth.

Good luck! We are so much happier now that we live in the same apartment!

[ktdelsur]

Wow, miel:
I bet that was really hard being THAT far away from your husband for the two years he was in school. I can't even imagine what it must have been like.

KatieK: Where in VA are you? I've got lots of family in friends in VA (mostly around Richmond/Chester). My DH will be done with classes in May '06 but he won't officially have his masters until he defends his thesis in August '06.

[KatieK]

ktdelsur: I'm in Richmond! We live out by the University of Richmond.

What are everyone's husbands up to this summer? Is anyone getting a break from the life as a wife of a student?

[cactus]

I'm not married yet, but I thought I could jump in anyway. My FH is doing his Ph.D. in classical archaeology and we hope (me crossing fingers over here) that he'll be done in about 4 years from now (he's done the first year, but he also did 2 years of post bacc before he started, so it seems like it's already been forever).

[amorey]

My DH is still working on his undergrad (yes, I know most people who go to school for 8 years are called doctors :rolleyes: ), can I join anyway? My DH has ADHD, so school doesn't come easy for him and requires lots of our time and energy. I am also our breadwinner, and it's not easy.


Me: Ann
DH: Sean
DH's degree: B.A.S. in early childhood education
Anticipated Graduation Date: hoping May 2006
Locale: MN
Kids? Someday, we hope

[karlatta]

What are everyone's husbands up to this summer? Is anyone getting a break from the life as a wife of a student?

I wish! My DH's program is year-round, so it's the same as usual for me.

In fact, because DH is in school, and I'm a teacher, we don't get any vacation time at the same time other than the few days around Christmas. Any time he's on spring break or has a short break between semesters, I'm in school, and during the summer when I'm off, he has class. It's really quite a bummer!

[ktdelsur]

My DH still has to work at least 20 hrs a week on his assistantship work to get a paycheck, as well as teach 4H20 classes twice a week some weeks. (That is a day-long day camp sort of thing for kids through his university's 4H club.)

The schedule is definitely better than class and labs, but still not the same
9-5 that I have!
:D

[Sare79]

Me: Sarah, 25
FI: Joel, 25
FI's degree: BA in English and History- Done. Education Program- next fall
Anticipated Graduation Date: hoping May 2007
Locale: Vancouver BC Canada
Kids? Someday soon

I thought I'd chime in on this. My fiance Joel and I are trying to plan a wedding with him still in school. I am the breadwinner right now and he maintains a part time job for now. Once he is in the full time program, he won't be able to work, as his days at school begin at 8 am and end at about 9 at night. Hopefully this will be over soon.
The wedding sucks up a lot of our (my) money so we should have a bit more when the wedding is done.

[paiger]

Me: Paige, 26
DH: Jess, 26
Me: finished my MS in ChemE in 2004 (right before wedding)
DH: PhD candidate, Materials Science & Engr, grad - August 2008?
Locale: Raleigh, NC
kids: way down the road, if ever

for me, DH being in school is not so bad. since, i am working full time which i plan to always do, his flexible work schedule helps me get stuff done. i don't mind for him to go back to work after dinner, if he can take the dog to the vet for me. i think this is going to be much easier than when he is a professor! i am looking very much forward to the dual income, but i am dreading having to fight his work-aholic mentality when he is a professor. i am pretty forceful with him doing a fair share of the housework and spending time w/ me. i've been in grad school, maintained an apartment and raised a dog while we were long distance (me visiting him), so i know he can.

i think the hardest thing for him is that there is a group of single guys who hang out all the time, and he was joining them a little too much for our budget and my temper. there is one guy that is married that i think runs over his wife, and i wasn't about to let that happen to me. he was really good about realizing what was happening, and now i sometimes encourage him to go so i can have some alone time!!

[apoppy]

Now that school is starting again, I thought I'd bump this back up.

Me: apoppy
DH: M
DH's degree: PhD in Music Composition
Anticipated Graduation Date: I really hope spring 2006, but probably later
Locale: NY
Kids: At least two years away...maybe more

[ktdelsur]

Thanks, apoppy!

Fall semester is back in session - thankfully his last fall semester ever! YAY! So far so good, he technically only has one class this semester - but it is a 5-hour lab class (blech). Luckily though we timed things right and signed up for childbirth classes on the night he DOESN'T have lab, and the only downside is that we found out his exam week for the end of the Fall semester is...

the same week the baby is due.

I told him to take that sucker early. I guess the good thing about him being in school and us having a baby is that he will be just getting out for Christmas break when the baby comes, so he'll be home with me from the beginning of Dec on through school starting in January.

[Brandles]

DH start tomorrow (Ohio University is still on quarters). He's going for his PhD. in "Modern Media". We moved him into his apt. on Friday. He's also going to be teaching one electronic media class on Monday and Wednesday at the Zanesville branch AND working at Radio Shack there Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And make it home on most weekends. I hope he can do it all (the Radio Shack, I mean). He doesn't have to come home EVERY weekend.

[suzfuzsunflower]

Me: 23
DH: 23
DH degree: Currently in law school
Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2007
Kids? TTC now

DH is in his second year of law school. Last year wasn't too bad, but it appears that he is going to be MUCH more busy this year. He's on law review, and is basically living at the law library. He's been there all day today, and doesn't think he'll get home until 11:30 p.m. or 12. :(

[Brandles]

I guess I never gave my stats:

Me: 29
DH: 27
My Degree: Bachelor of science in education (teacher: certified 1-8)
Degree DH is persuing: PhD in what ammounts to modern media (TV, radio, internet). I'm not sure on the exact wording of the PhD
Anticipated Graduation Date: June 2008
Done with classes: June 2007 (June 2007-June 2008 is the dissertation writing year)
Locale: Ohio--DH going to Ohio University
Kids: NO WAY! I want my dream home first! ;)

[jnettie]

Delurking here...it's been a ghost town "over there."

Me: 27
DH: 27
My Degree: BFA in Dance, completing my MFA in Costume Design.
Degree DH is persuing: just begining his PhD in Anthropology after 2 years in Grad School for 2 other degrees....
Anticipated Graduation Date: I honestly have no clue.
Locale: Brooklyn, NY
Kids: Not yet! And not until I establish my career, darn it!

Here's my sad sad tale. DH and I both entered Grad school in 2003. He spent 3 semesters persuing a degree in Forensic Science when he finally had enough of the program. It sucked. I supported him leaving. He quickly got into an Education program within the City University system here since he enjoyed teaching (began teaching Freshman Science as a Grad student). While in the Science Education program he had to take Zooarcheology, and suddnely, he discovered that this was the career for him! Only, he can't get matriculated because he missed the deadline. So, he's persuing his PhD but he's not technically in the program and we have to begin paying his loans back even though he's really still a full time student.

*sigh*

I don't know when, if ever, he'll finish school. But he has to get this degree. He's about run out of understanding.

[C_Morgan]

My Fi and I are still working on our undergrad degrees. I hope you all don't mind my posting here :) Yes, we're older college students, but we are both determined to finish school. I plan to go to grad school before him - I am a psychology major, hoping to get my PhD in Clinical Psychology, and Fi is a Chemical Engineering major.

Me: R (26) graduation date: June 2007

Fi: J (27) graduation date: June 2006

We live in San Diego, CA and plan to get married after he graduates.

[Quartercentury]

Me, too!!!

Me: QC
FH is just FH
FH's degree: PhD in asian history
Anticipated Completion Date: Current plan is to submit the thesis in late 2006 or early 2007
Locale: England
Kids: hopefully in 2006

I always knew we would get to this point, but my FH has just started the fieldwork stage of his PhD and has left me for 10 long long months. Boo. The good news is that I'm taking some time off work this winter and we'll be doing some travelling around SE Asia and China, which will be very exciting!

FH and I moved to England in 2001 so he could do a Master's, which turned into a PhD when I found a job that really suits me and we decided to stay here a bit longer. We may move back to the US and get married after he finishes, perhaps in 2007, or we may end up staying here longer term so that I can go to school, too. We just can't afford to both be in school at the same time, so we're taking turns.

My job also comes with awesome maternity benefits, so we're planning to take advantage of that next year. The impending birth will either be the kick-in-the-pants he needs to get his dissertation finished, or everyone will be super understanding that it's taking longer, as we'll have just had a baby.

For those of you that kids or are planning kids while one/both of you is still in school, do you find it easy to combine parenting with school life?

In theory, I know FH should be able to work his schedule around caring for a new baby, but I'm wondering what that will look like in practice...

[apoppy]

My husband is in his last year (we hope!) of his PhD program and is extremely stressed out. He is a teaching a night class this year, so some days of the week he is out very late; most other nights he is home, but fully absorbed by his work.

In the past, his long work hours and strange schedule haven't bothered me in the least because we have been able to carve out some couple time, but I feel like he is pulling away from me right now. He is so focused on his goal that he is completely turning inward. I wish that he would let me in and talked to me about his stress, or his day, or anything at all, or this is going to be a really long year.

Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest. :)

Anyone else feeling cut off?

[Amuse Bouche]

Me: 27
DH: 26
DH degree: J.D.
Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2008
Kids? None yet, but we're thinking of TTCing next year.

My DH JUST started law school (about a month after I started a new job) and I didn't realize how tough it would be. We were together when I was in law school (I've been out for two years) but I think he's working harder than I did, and I didn't realize how much I would miss spending time with him in the evenings. Being the breadwinner isn't that tough -- I made a lot more than DH to begin with, and we moved to a slightly cheaper city when he started school, and we're paying all of his tuition with student loans (way cheaper than a mortgage, and we're hoping to buy next year) so we haven't felt much of a financial pinch yet. Hopefully, by the time we're paying off loans, DH's salary will cover it!

[apoppy]

Bumping the up...

Poor DH is even more burdened with work and stressed out than he was a few months ago. Luckily, he is sharing a lot more with me now, but I feel helpless because I feel like there is little I can do for him.

Does anyone have any tips on helping out a perfectionist, over-extended, can't-say-no grad student husband?

[Taylandra]

Me: 22
DH: 23
My degree: M.Ed in community counseling
Anticipated grad date: May 2007 (although I will still have four classes to take before starting my licensing hours in TN).
DH's degree: finishing his last year of law school. Now he's moving on to a Master's in library science or in journalism.
Anticipated grad date: ????? Who knows...

It's more of a struggle for me b/c I'm working two jobs while in school full-time (mostly b/c I can't say no). Now DH doesn't really want to practice law, he would like to be a law librarian (research type of thing) or something with teaching law and journalism. We'll be in school FOREVER!
We originally said we wanted at least one kid before we were 30, but who knows at the rate we're going.

As for the earlier post about "those who can't say no" - that's me to a T. DH tries to support me in what I do, but he's very upfront with me about my time. If I'm thinking about doing something, then he just mentions how much I'm already doing. Would this work for your DH, apoppy?

[pocket]

Me: Pocket, 33
DH: Pita, 31
Pita's degree, MA, Geography
Anticipated graduation date....2007?

Pita is in school 3 days a week and works 2 days a week at his old job (IT specialist and computer teacher at a K-8 private school). He has a lot on his plate and we are also TTC with infertility. It's a lot to deal with all at the same time. i like my job, fortunately, and while I make (just) enough to support us, it's still been hard to be the main breadwinner. It's just hard to make it in the Bay Area without two professional incomes coming in the door. Now Pita is talking about applying to PhD programs and i am not sure how i feel about it. On one hand I agree that he is well-suited to an academic career. On the other hand, I am so fricking tired of being broke and never getting any treats at all. Sometimes I feel like a slave.

[EmilyBronte]

Me: EmilyBronte
DH's degree: MA in History
Anticipated Graduation Date: Not sure, really - he starts January 9th
Locale: NC - in the middle of nowhere
Kids: 1 - a son, born 1/5/05

I am not sure what to expect from this whole school thing, really. We just sold our house and moved 5 hours away so DH can go to grad school. I might get a job soon, but I've basically been staying at home since June '04. I have loved staying home with our son, but we have literally moved to the middle of nowhere - no joke - and I'm thinking a job might be a good way for me to meet people AND daycare might be good for DS so he gets interaction with other kids.

[salysaturn]

Me: Cristina
DH: Frank
DH's degree: MBA
Anticipated Graduation Date: Sometime in 2007
Locale: nd
Kids? about another year or so.

[apoppy]

Thank you for the tip, Taylandra. I do try to discourage him from taking on additional projects, but it doesn't usually work.

I guess if I am honest, what I really want is a way to help him without becoming resentful in the process. On one hand, I feel terrible that he is so stressed out --- but on the other hand, I get annoyed that all of the household chores fall to me and that he can seem to find the time to take on more work but can't find the time to help me at home. I guess a lot of it is just shifting expectations. We have always split household responsibilities, so now that it is all falling on my shoulders I feel resentful. Then I feel guilty because I know he is working and hard and the last thing he needs is more to do.

[AmyAmy]

Me: Amy, 26
DH:Dave, 26

DH Degree: MBA
Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2008
Location: Currently NYC, next year- who knows??? Still waiting to hear back from all the schools he applied to.

I thought joining this thread might give me some good advice/tips to survive.

=) Currently I am terrified of going down to one salary. My husband was/curretnly is the biggest bread winner so going down to just my salary will be really tough.

[AmyAmy]

Whoaps... The post made a smile when I tried to type DH: Dave

[jnettie]

Well, DH has finally been officially accepted into the PhD program in Archeology! I'm very happy for him!

This May he begins his first experiences with field work. He and another PhD canidate are going to Antigua (oh poor baby :rolleyes: ) to head up a field school. Meanwhile, I have to stay here to work and actually graduate from my program. That also means that DH will miss my graduation. :( But hopefully I'll be able to meet him down there in his last week!

I'm really proud of him in a lot of ways. He said to me that he always wanted to be an Archeologist as a kid, but when he was applying for college at 18, he didn't think he could get a "real job" in Archeology. So, he went for Political Science, changing to Biology, and worked in a lab. Then, for grad school, he still kept thinking "practical" instead of doing what he really wanted. So, it's a huge leap for him to let himself do this. :)

[ktdelsur]

Wow, I haven't been back here in awhile. Glad to see more have joined!

DH and I had our son in December, (our surprise baby)! We hadn't planned on a baby until after he graduated but it has worked out so far - he's actually been able to spend more time at home. Since the baby was born in early December, he practically had the whole month off b/c of christmas break. He won't defend his thesis until December, but then after that we'll finally be bringing in two whole paychecks. We're hoping though that he'll get a great job offer and I can stay home w/ the baby for a bit. Right now we're getting by w/ daycare and my full-time job, plus his assistantship. It's rough b/c now that I'm back at work we both have somewhere to be in the morning...so its hard getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby knowing I have to be up at 5:30....*sigh*

[endymion411]

me: 27, studying counseling and art therapy
dh: 27, 4th year med student

technically, dh is graduating in june with his m.d. but then residency begins, which timewise, will be a lot worse than school was. that will be for about 5 years, and then he may or may not decide to do a fellowship.

i still have about 2 1/2 years to go for my degree.

this past year, we have been living off of my savings. when dh starts his residency, at least we'll have a little bit of money coming in, though we're looking to buy an apt/condo in boston, so it will be like there is no money coming in anyways :p

because of all of this, we will not be ttc any time in the next few years!

[Amuse Bouche]

So how do you all handle splitting household chores? DH works hard, and I usually give him a pass during his exam period, but it's not like I have an undemanding job either.

[karlatta]

So how do you all handle splitting household chores?

This is actually a huge issue for DH and me. Huge. Dh works full time and goes to school at night. He's gone 70+ hours a week. I work full time, around 50 hours a week. Naturally, it makes more sense that I would bear the brunt of the household chores, and for the first couple of years, I did it without (too much) complaint.

Now, though, it's starting to get old. I still work 50 hours a week. I don't want to come home and be primarily responsible for everything with the house. I'm tired! But DH is gone from 7am to 10pm, so I don't feel like I can expect him to do any of it either. He barely has time to sleep!

We've tried to work out a system where I stilld o the majority of the work, but DH is responsible for things as time permits. It helps me because I know that I'm not entirely responsible for all things house-related. And it's a small enough list for DH that he can get it done when he comes home from school or on weekends.

[endymion411]

So how do you all handle splitting household chores? DH works hard, and I usually give him a pass during his exam period, but it's not like I have an undemanding job either.

this has been a big issue for us. as a med student, he's going through different rotations, some more demanding than others. for example, when he is on any surgical rotations, i know i'll be doing most of everything because he pretty much just comes home to sleep. the problem is when he's on a lighter rotation like dermatology. i wish he would take the initiative to realize at those times that he should contribute more to help me out (my workload is taking 5 classes and doing an internship), but rather than waiting for him to do that and risking it not happening at all, when i know he's got down time i just ask him to do things that need to get done and he's always done them.

[sportyj]

HI YA'LL What a nice support thread! Here's us!

ME: 24, MS Applied PSY/ Human Factors EGR
DH: 26, MS Applied PSY/ HFE
Graduation: Fall 2007
Kids - NOPE

Yup we are in it together. I am full time though, DH is part time. He works full time as a software EGR for Boeing and I am a Research Fellow at the Air Force lab on ASU campus so I am better suited for more classes. Its TOUGH! But doing it together we see eachother, we are so fortunate for that. Its nice to meet you all! I am going to go back and read to see if we have any other PSY grads.

[bevvied]

Oh man, this thread is an eye opener.

Me: Bevvie, 25
DH, 28

DH Degree: MD
Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2008

Location: Currently AL 'till 2008 after that who knows???

My DH is a 2nd year medical student. I already do not see him often, because he's one of those students that has to constantly keep studying to understand stuff. We get to spend time together after each block of tests.

Now, he has the USMLE Step 1...wow..another robber of our time. I'm understanding about it. Lately it's just been me at home..as I am between jobs right now. It's been a rocky time, but we are strong for each other, and we manage.

But it's a work in progress..it truly is not an easy road, and DH tells me that he is so proud of me becuase it it were him in my shoes he could not do it, so he's thankful.

The road gets tougher because 3rd year is ahead so that means longgggggg hours at the hospital....wow....we can do it!

Oh DEFINITELY NO KIDS in the near future...we'll just over extend ourselves .

[jnettie]

Well, we're both busy and neither of us like doing housework, so it's interesting. Our biggest issue has been with dishes, but we worked it out so that we switch every other time. Otherwise, it's a lot of me picking up after him (though you'd swear by the way he talks it's him always picking up after me. :rolleyes: Um, just because I pick up after you EVERY DAY and don't say anything doesn't mean that when you pick up after me ONCE A MONTH you can bitch about it.)

[carrie9142]

Well I didn't know med school wives could play! :)

Me: Carrie, 25, full time dietetics grad student PRAYING to get accepted into an internship...12 days until I find out :eek:
DH: Michael, 26, third year med student...for about 11 more weeks :D

Isn't housework such a recurring theme? Ugh. I am actually extremely lucky in that my hubs doesn't mind housework too much and really does a lot. But, that isn't saying much b/c neither one of us likes it or does it! I generally take on 80% or so b/c I do have so much more time.

I hear you endymion411about wishing they got that as their workload at school decreases their housework can increase. But no. This past weekend DH got all in a huff b/c he couldn't find something. I had school all day on Saturday and then worked on research all day Sunday so I had barely been home at that point. He got all mad that it was the end of his spring break and the house was a mess-he had not done ONE single thing that whole week to help out and I just let it go b/c I was happy to just have him around. Now during my spring break I organized our entire office and bedroom which was quite a feat. I was happy that at least he couldn't blame me for not doing anything. ;) Oh well. That is why I want to invest in a maid when we get done with school! I am not joking even a little bit.

Now, he has the USMLE Step 1...wow..another robber of our time.
Oh girl. I feel for you. Step 1 is nasty! My hubs studied no joke every single day except for our anniversary from about the last week of April until July. And he would study allllll day, but would take breaks at least. It just sucks! But, it passes :) And third year is so much better! Right now my DH is looking forward to...wait for it...Step 2. Why are there so many damn steps?

[endymion411]

Right now my DH is looking forward to...wait for it...Step 2. Why are there so many damn steps?

ah yes, and don't forget, these days, step 2 is acutally 2 steps--the regular one and then clinical skills. for that second part we had to venture all the way out to philly as if we had the extra time and money to spend while he was also jetting around for residency interviews. :p

[jnettie]

This past weekend DH got all in a huff b/c he couldn't find something.
Oh, this is my life! Actually, it's sometimes WORSE when I do clean. He'll leave a stack of papers he's grading on the couch in what seems no particular order, so I pile it up in a neat stack and put it on his desk. Then, he comes home and goes NUTS because he can't find the papers! :rolleyes: Then I say "if it's important you should put it away where it is safe" which just escalates things....

I'm not that much better about putting things away, but at least I don't blame him when I can't find things. :cool:

The big saving grace is that DH likes to cook, and does it soooooooo much better than me, so he's the one that makes dinner 80% of the time. It's realxing for him, so it's not like a chore.

[Darlene&Scott]

ah yes, and don't forget, these days, step 2 is acutally 2 steps--the regular one and then clinical skills. for that second part we had to venture all the way out to philly as if we had the extra time and money to spend while he was also jetting around for residency interviews. :p

Yeah but step2 is like 200% easier because you have actually seen things and gone through protocol.

One book that my DH swears by for step one is USMLE step 1 secrets. It was really really helpful for him.

[jnettie]

Thought I'd bump up this thread.

Right now, DH is out of the country beginning his research. He left on June 22 and won't be back until July 18.

For the most part, it's been fine. We talk every day, either IM or he calls. The worst is when I go to bed, though. It's so hard to fall asleep without him and I really notices that he's gone. :( I don't really know how to describe it. I mean, he's been away for conferences before, but a whole month is somehow different.

So, here I am, up at nearly 2am, because it's just so lonely when I go to bed.

Anyone else go through this?

edited for spelling

[Quartercentury]

jnettie, we were living in separate countries for 10 months. We broke it up a bit - he was away not quite two months and then hospitalized, so I flew out there to see him. Then apart again for six weeks, then I had time off from work so we could travel for 10 weeks, then apart again for three months. It sucked and we are never never doing it again. Thanksgiving was the worst. It's probably my favorite holiday, and one we really enjoy together. I cried on the phone that afternoon, in the kitchen making turkey for friends all by myself. The deal now is that any time he may be offered the chance to spend significant time away, the whole family comes along.

You will get through it - 18th of July seems right around the corner! But it's hard, I know. It was especially hard for me to go to bed and wake up all by myself.

It's been a while since I checked in here... FH is getting closer to finishing, but I know I shouldn't count my chickens so to speak. He's planning to submit his PhD thesis in October (he's using the baby's due date as motivation!), which means he could be completely finished by the new year. Which then opens up the new and exciting world of looking for a job with intensive training in an obscure field...

[jnettie]

Thanks for the sympathy, Quartercentury. I plan to go with him in January when he returns to Antigua to teach a field school and continue his research. But, being in Archaeology means he has to travel to do his work, which is something he's always dreamed of doing. But, I agree, we go as a unit from now on, if at all possible!

It's exciting that your DH is close to finished! Lol on finding "a job with intensive training in an obsucre field"! Yeah, I understand that feeling, only that we've got a few years before my DH faces that!

[bevvied]

Jnettie..wow your DH is in Antigua..wish I was there right now..just 20 minutes by plane from home. Even though it's hard to be apart, I hope the time flies by.

Tell him to enjoy at least some of the 365 beaches there.

All the best

[dreamgirly]

Wow! This thread has really grown! I haven't posted in a year...

DH is currently taking his 8th class for Masters in EE. Fall 06 (hopefully) will be his last 2 classes and there is no thesis to defend since he is going on for a PhD, just cumulative tests to graduate.

I am finally (8 mo. later than I had originally planned) going to start back to school full-time in August 06 taking the upper-division pre-req post-bacc stuff so that I can start the Masters of Accountancy program soon. Oh dear!!!

Last fall & spring were pretty rough on us - I was taking 6 hrs of pre-req crap, DH was in 6 hrs of grad school each semester and we were both working 40+ hrs in our careers. Plus we bought a new house in March (totally unplanned!) and went to Europe without a reservation or plan as to what were doing for 2 wks. Won't ever do that again. We just didn't have time to plan! :O

DH eventually plans to get a PhD, but I will finish my Masters program and we will move to an area (either Austin, TX; Atlanta, or Virginia) for the PhD in Electrical Engineering. That will take us awhile. Not sure if we'll ever have (time for) kids!

[jnettie]

yeah, he's in Antigua. Today and tomorrow they are scouting locations in Barbuda, too. He hasn't really spent time enjoying the beaches so much as working at the beaches, but that still beats working in an office, no? One of the amazing things he told me about the island is that the beaches - all the beaches, even the ones where the resorts are - are owned by the people of Antigua, kind of their overall philosophy of sharing. Apparently, they've ticked off some of the hotels because the hotel property is on top of archaeological sites and since the beaches belong to the Antiguans, and the Antiguans are interested in their history....

So, he's in paradise and I'm in New York and rather depressed today.

dreamgirly, how exciting for you to start school soon, too! You'll be able to find time for kids. DH's advisor just finished her PhD work a couple years ago and already has 2 kids now. If you want it, you find a way to make it work.

[TriSigmaNC]

dreamygrl I'm with ya. My DH is finishing his undergrad in Computer Science (after a 9 year absence from college). He'll be done next May and then we'll both be starting our PhD's in Raleigh. Him in Computer Science and me in Management.

We work out the housework. I can honestly say that our house is pretty messy compared to normal life. I do almost everything except for some cooking, trash and the cat box. He just tells me his class schedule and I plan meals around that (I cook things I can when he's got tests, etc.).

I'm a little nervous about the financial situation when we're both doing our PhD's, but they're both fully funded and we get paid, so we'll see. Hopefully it'll be enough to pay someone to do some cleaning, but who knows.

[jase]

I'm here to introduce myself! :)
I don't know if this quite fits but I haven't found anywhere else to spill my guts when I get stressed.

My DH is just starting his 2nd year of a veterinary residency. The first year was rough. Rough enough that things kinda came to a standstill about a month ago. We're slowly working to put them back together but I don't know if that stress in addition to his job is going to be too much.

Me, I finished my MA in December, officially graduated in May. Luckily, my job is not as stressful. Unluckily, I don't like my job right now. Wow, I'm just full of happy thoughts. :rolleyes:

Well, I'll save details for later when I have more time. It's good to know I'm not the only one missing my DH when he has to be so busy.

[ks_piper]

DH is going back to school next month to finish his bachelors - yeah he's 32 and has 4 years of college under his belt and no bachelors yet, but to be fair he was triple majoring (mathematics, physics and philosophy) and got massively burned out. Ended up being diagnosed bi-polar as well.

Me: Keely
DH: Xan
DH's degree: B.S. in Mathematics
Anticipated grad: spring 2008 (?)
Kids: 2 - dd is 4 and ds is 2 1/2

I work part-time - around 15 to 20 hours a week in the evenings and on weekends. I stay home with our kids during the day.

Even better - I plan to go back to school when DH is done to pursue my RN. Will probably take me 3 years. If I go all the way to become a certified nurse midwife I think it will take another 2 years.

And DH is pretty sure he'd like to get his masters eventually. He's going to teach high school math (and possibly science) once he gets his BS.

[Quartercentury]

Even better - I plan to go back to school when DH is done to pursue my RN. Will probably take me 3 years. If I go all the way to become a certified nurse midwife I think it will take another 2 years.
Do you already have a BA? You might be able to find a graduate entry program to become a CNM, depending on where you live. I am thinking about doing this, too, when FH is finally finished.

[jnettie]

jase, Vet school definately counts! You just finished your MA, huh? I just finished my MFA. Looks like you and I are going to be the bread winners in the house for a while, huh? ;) Only, there's an end in sight for vet school. I keep telling people when they ask how long DH will be in school "well the program has a limit of 10 years"!

In reality, I think he'll be about 5. He's combining the work he already began in Forensic Science with the Archaeology PhD. Plus, his Teaching Fellowship is for only 5 years. We aren't independently wealth, nor are any of our family members, so that he can just hang out in school as long as he wants with out some sort of income.

I'm up late again tonight. *sigh* It's so hard to go to bed without him here.

[jase]

jnettie, I'm up way early. DH left this morning about 3:30. :eek:
He has a lot of work to finish up. I'm dead tired and tried going back to sleep but just can't. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that doesn't sleep well without their DH.

Nights (or early mornings) are the worst, aren't they?

[ks_piper]

Quartercentury ~

BA in English - but I'd like to get my RN first so I have a more science based background. I have no real science at all and need to take a math class or two too.

And honestly, I'm not 100% sure I want to take the CNM route, so I'm getting my RN as a first step. :) Want to make sure I enjoy the field first and who knows, I might love nursing and not want to go further!

[jnettie]

Nights (or early mornings) are the worst, aren't they?
Mornings aren't so bad, because I usually get up later than him anyway, but nights are aweful. We usually go to bed together. :(

[dreamgirly]

DH has registered for his LAST TWO classes for his Masters in EE! *Hallelujah!*

I, on the other hand, have just enrolled for my prereq's to begin the Masters of accounting. :) wheee!!!

How is everybody hanging in there? Long summer, wasn't it? We had a lot going on. Bought a house/moved/sold a house/bought a car/DH turned 30/went to Europe for 2 weeks/quit my job/tremendous remodeling on the new house/etc. ugh!

DH eventually plans to get his PhD, but probably won't start until I'm done/almost done with my masters coursework.

[jnettie]

Uh oh, dreamgirly, looks like you have an education junkie on your hands! :p

Things have been slow here lately. DH has been going to the lab a couple days a week, but he and his partner are taking some vacation time from lab work. We're going to visit my parents next week and try to do a mini trip along the way. Bring the tent and do some hiking.

We're just waiting on information about DH's fellowship. They promised a stiepend this year, but his award letter didn't say anything about it. :( And, in classic burocratic style, no one seems to know what the deal is and they keep sending him to another office.

[firefly]

my dh is starting back with the university of phoenix to get his ma in information systems so he can promote within his company and then get his phd. He starts school Aug 31. the MA program is "only" 18 mo. he will be taking one class at a time for a 6 week period. It one night a week in the classroom and mandatory 2 times a week study groups. so that'll be loads of fun.

we have 2 kids. a 4 y.o and an 19 mo old. we figure it's only gonna get worse in terms of waiting to start until the girls understand more. as it is they see him about 1/2 hour each day so sadly they won't be missing him that much. Me on the other hand I hope I stay sane. :)

[dreamgirly]

I don't think I asked this before... but now that I've quit MY job to go back to school...

What do you all have as far as extra income? The occasional sale on ebay? A part-time weekend job? A tutor? garage sales? LOL!! I need some tips to supplement everything, we were saving TONS of money when I was working, and now that I'm not, (I'm a save-a-holic) I need to find another way to keep saving $$. I already coupon and save a ton on groceries and personal items/clothing but I'm talking about other stuff...

Help! :)

[jnettie]

Save money? In grad school? Ha ha ha! That's funny! ;)

Seriously, I got student loans to pay for our living expenses. DH was teaching at the same time, but that just barely covered things. I did and still do do coupons, sell stuff on ebay and half.com (half is awesome to sell your textbooks on. You get more than selling it back to the bookstores.) But really, we went into debt. Way into debt. Having a fellowship helped me, so I didn't have to worry about tuition. DH has a fellowship now, too. But now I can work full time. But there was no saving money while we were both in school.

[dreamgirly]

Save money? In grad school? Ha ha ha! That's funny! ;) ...
But there was no saving money while we were both in school.

At least I'm good for a laugh! ;) :p I'm obsessive, ... maybe compulsive... well, both I guess about saving money. I'm addicted to it. Which is good, I guess, that I'm tremendously thrifty, since I quit my JOB!!! LOL!!! :rolleyes:

DH has a fantastic income, since he works full-time and does masters coursework nighttimes/weekends, and my income was basically all savings. I bought my books on ebay/half.com for this semester (we always TRY to do this for DH's books too but some semesters I have spent ~$500 on 2 books for his EE stuff. ugh) so I saved about $400 on my books, that was great... so I'll put that money into savings...

it's just that I have so much extra TIME on my hands. I really should be doing something productive. I'm looking at doing an internship/co-op thingy through the school's accounting department - they place you with a firm. It will only be 12-15 hrs/wk and NO PAY!! :eek: At least it's experience though.

Thanks for answering! :)

[jnettie]

Lol! Yeah, me too with the obsesive compulsiveness...but isn't that what makes us such great students? :D

I'm definately in the money stress phase of life now. DH found out his fellowship only covers tuition this year, so thank goodness he didn't quit his teaching job. Now, I'm trying to find enough employment to save money. The possitive thing is that I'm finally qualified to do many more jobs and have pretty consistantly been working on the free lance jobs I want. It's good to know that my Master's is paying off!

[j*east]

Hi all. My DH is only in grad school part time for his MA, but it certainly feels like a lot!

We're both teachers and both teaching full time, and he just started this program. He only has one course to take this semester and it only meets once a week--but he had 700 pages to read the first week :eek:. This week, he suggested that he pull an all nighter this weekend to get his work done. I kindly told him that I thought that was a *bad* idea--we're not in college, have to get up on Monday for work, he has to figure out how to get his work done during normal hours, etc. He's a stressbucket b/c in addition to teaching and grad school, he's also coaching a fall sport and has weekend responsibilities (another reason not to deprive himself of sleep--it's not safe when you need to drive a vanload of kids around).

Does anyone else need to help their DH/SO with time management?

Hope the fall semester is off to a good start!

[jnettie]

Well, if there is anything my DH is good at, it's studying! That boy studies more than anyone I've ever met!

His sememster is kind of crapy right now. Originally, he thought all his classes would be on Monday and Wednesday, so he set his teaching schedule to be Tuesday and Thursdy. Well, they changed the class schedule to Tues/thurs too! But he thought it would be fine because he had 1 1/2 hrs between teaching and class. Um, no. First day of teaching, he finds out they SWITCHED his 11:30 class to 1:00! The 1:00 class gets out at 2:30, and he has to be at his class at 2:30, which is not in the same school as where he teaches! Ack!

[Baltimoregal]

Hi!

I don't know why I haven't found this thread before!


Me: Leah
DH: A
DH's degree: PhD in EECS
Anticipated Graduation Date: it has been "2 years from now" since 2004; 2008?
Locale: New England
Kids? Not for a good while


First let me say that I am just now experiencing what many of you ladies are expressing in terms of DH working long days. A's program is fairly laid back and he is just now working to complete his thesis proposal. He has finished teaching, taking classes, qualifying exams, research exam etc. The thesis proposal was due originally a couple of years ago, and then we *thought* by end of January of last year, then it was this past spring, then end of July, August, and now it seems he will finish it in October (we will most definitely celebrate this). After that he has to do his research and thesis. I am in a grad school program during the summers (Masters), after which I would love to do a PhD program part time (as I also love my job). Luckily, his university pays him (he works in the lab), and our student loans, etc are all because of my education (Comp Sci pays better than English :o ). Money is definitely tight as my salary is low (I am a teacher) and cost of living in the Boston area is high. Last year was my first year teaching (that felt like grad school ha ha). It is hard because we split the difference commuting wise so we both have lengthy commutes (his by train, I drive). Lately, as paper deadlines approach, he has been coming home around 11 (I leave around 6:30am, he leaves around 8am), and I have to go pick him up from the train station. While I appreciate his willingness to live far from school, and I love the fact that he is working very hard to complete the proposal and his papers (it has been a long road), I am so tired by 11, that I just want to be asleep when I can be. On top of that we have lots of things around the apartment that need to be done that require both of us. ugh sorry that ended in a vent.

[dreamgirly]

Does anyone else need to help their DH/SO with time management?

HA! ;) time management!? What's that!

I purposely signed up for evening classes this semester (it's his last one) so that when DH comes home from work, he will sit down & work on his projects/papers/studying for tests/etc. That way he has a good 3 hrs for three nights in a row that I am out of the house and (I hope anyway) he can have enough self-control to avoid the computer games. LOL. TV is not a big thing for us, but dh is totally addicted to some Call of Duty computer game.

things are going well so far, DH's first project was due yesterday and he finished it a day early (believe me this is HUGE for him!) and I have been chugging along in my classes; I have 2 tests next week so that will be the real measurement of success.

I do, on the other hand, have a very hard time pulling myself away from tedious meaningless chores (in comparison to studying -laundry, dishes, etc) to go to the library or do something that will actually benefit me for school. It will come in time, I'm sure. :)

[dreamgirly]

*bump*

Ahhh, this semester has sucked the big one! :O DH is very, very stressed about getting his "graduation project" completed & presented in-time to graduate... He only has 16 days until he's supposed to walk across that stage, and only 12 to get everything turned-in. Invitations were ordered, they're sitting on my desk ready to be mailed to extended family... I'm just afraid to send them out "just in case" he doesn't get it all finished. I'm worried for him. He even took a week and a half off of work before Thanksgiving to try to get caught up with stuff, all was completed except this project. He had a final yesterday (that's the class the project is due in) and another final today... gah!

I also had a test yesterday, have a presentation next week and a final.

Poor DH. So sleep-deprived and stressed out at work, and school stuff too. I keep telling him "it will all be over in 2 weeks, just hang in there" and I've been trying to keep up with other stuff so he won't have to worry about stopping to cook dinner or grocery shopping, etc.

How is everybody else coming along this semester? I am SO glad he's almost done, but once he starts PhD program I know he/I'll be going through all of this again. At least we get a short break. ;)

[EmilyBronte]

How is everybody else coming along this semester? I am SO glad he's almost done, but once he starts PhD program I know he/I'll be going through all of this again. At least we get a short break. ;)

My DH is stressed out about now - he has about 5 papers to complete before December 12. The dodo had 3 of them he could have completed earlier in the semester and didn't. Man, I would have been on those 3 from day 1. Oh well, what can I do?

My DH is working on his MA in European History and goes back and forth between wanting his PhD and not wanting his PhD. While I am being supportive to his face, I secretly hope he'll decide against his PhD so we can resume a "normal" life.

[TriSigmaNC]

My DH (non-traditional student) is finishing his finals and has one more semester left, then we both enter PhD programs. EEk :)

[villanelle75]

Me:villanelle
DH: Chris
DH's degree: MBA
Anticipated Graduation Date: Fall 2007 (though i don't' know if this includes the final project)
Locale: SoCal, though his program is done via VTC through Naval Postgraduate School
Kids? No thanks!

New to the thread. DH is two and a half semesters from finishing his MBA. He's being sent by the Navy, which is great,t but unfortunately, he has to keep working his regular job in addition to attending classes via VTC every Thursday. That makes our already crazy Navy schedule even more crazy. And it doesn't help that he's a perfectionist! He missed the final three classes of his last semester (though he could watch the VTC recordings on line later) and that, combined with the fact that he was away from home doing a super intensive work training that left him with almost no time to study, led to his first "B". He was so disappointed!

He also missed the first 6 weeks (or about half the semester) of this semester and has been struggling to catch up. He' has two classes per semester and one prof was really cool about the missed classes since it was due to him being sent for work to a location without VTC capabilities and without time in the schedule anyway. (This is one good thing about going to a "navy school" for the program. They expect this sort of thing.) The other one made him write a paper for each class he missed, to that's 6 extra papers! He's been struggling to get them done and he only has one left but he may not be able to finish that one. He'll be so crushed if he gets another B! All of the extra work and catch up has made this a really rough semester for him, and it's been more brutal for us as well.

After this semester, which is almost over, he has the Spring semester and then either one more semester and a final project, or just the final project. Since he doesn't choose classes or anything, he's actually not sure when he's done. Either way though, he's more than halfway through. I never thought I'd be nostalgic for the tiny amount of time we used to have together around his crazy Navy schedule, but I can't wait to get back to that!

[dreamgirly]

Hi to all the new people :)

Oh. I forgot to mention. DH checked his email at 6pm on wednesday, and there was an urgent msg from his professor, letting him know that his graduation project was due by wednesday (nov 29) evening, in order to be graded & submitted to the graduate committee for review. !!!! He only had it about 1/2 done, and it took him over 2 wks of INTENSE work to get that much done!!! :O

Sooo, I helped him on the source notes page, and a few other little things, and he stayed up until 3am and got it all finished & emailed to his professor. He hasn't heard back from him & now he is a little worried. yikes.

At least that project is now out of the way, 2 more projects to go (one he's almost finished with) and a final tomorrow... there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Hang in there, girls. I'm also in a masters program but it will be another 1.5 yrs before I'm finished, since I had some additional prereq's, then DH wants to get his PhD so it almost feels like we'll never be done. sigh.

[TriSigmaNC]

dreamgirly
Don't fret. I'm a prof. and I took over 3 weeks to finish my students final papers (undergrads). DH and I are both currently applying for our PhD's, wish us luck!

[jnettie]

I was just remarking that last year at this time I was working in the job I have now and also doing work on my thesis. I was a huge ball of stress, barely functioning at work sometimes.

Same job this year, same time of year, but everything has gone very smooth!

DH is in crazy gear right now. We're now less than a month away from the field school. The planning is majorly disorganized. It all has to go through his professor, but she's put most of the work on his partner, but DH has to do all the phone calls. :rolleyes: Plus, while his partner, M, works really hard, the man can't make a decision to save his life. Now, DH is worried about visiting my parents for Christmas. Our house is not fun sometimes these days.

His classes are going well though. For the most part he's enjoying himself, with the exception of a museum exhibit planning class that is a group project. Even at the PhD level, there's the slackers who don't want to put in their share. One lady even wanted everyone to meet at her house...on the same night she was having a party. Um, yeah, right.

[dreamgirly]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/nibbles24_7/little_gator.jpg?t=1166469892

YAY It's done (for now anyway, PhD in a few years)

Bless his heart, there were times I didn't know if he would meet the deadlines. But he did it & I'm SO proud of him.

There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, ladies. Enjoy the ride...

[TriSigmaNC]

Yay! dreamgirly!
My DH just has one more semester left and then starts his PhD ;)

[jnettie]

YAY It's done

I'm incredibly jelous! But congrats to your DH!

[jnettie]

*Bump*

It's 1:15 am, and DH is at school right now, making photocopies of someone's thesis so he can read and study it or something like that.

I have truly become a PhD widow. Sigh.

[KK812]

:( That sucks, jnettie. How much longer does he have?

I don't think I've ever posted in here but I've occasionally read along. DH has been in school for two years and five months to become a CRNA(the nurse version of an anesthesiologist, basically). He is on the other side of the country for the weekend taking a prep class for his boards, but he graduates in one month!

[SMgal]

He is on the other side of the country for the weekend taking a prep class for his boards, but he graduates in one month!
Ahhh. There is light! :D

My DH is finishing his BA in December and now, he has decided to go into a Masters program this December. He is a constant stress case and basically, emotionally unavailable from all the school work ~sigh~. Now, we have TWO MORE years! :(