cpaccione
10-10-2005, 02:34 PM
My son is now 8 y/o. When he was 3 his father (my ex-h) went to prison for severe DV, kidnapping, etc...He was released this year in July and hasn't attempted to make any contact with us. There are restraining orders in effect so he knows he'd get in trouble.
Well, over the past 4 years I've allowed DS to visit with his paternal grandparents in Northern NV (about 8 hrs from us). There's never been an issue and they've always told me they would never let DS speak to his father or see him now that he's out. I believed them and never had any indication that he has spoken to his father.
When ex-h was released this year I found out that he was paroled to grandparents house and his supervision was transferred to that area. They've made very little effort to contact DS over the past few months, probably due to the fact that ex-h was living there and they didn't want to run into any problems. I was talking to them last night and they told me that ex-h moved out and is living in a city about 15 miles from them, has a job, and hasn't made any indication that he wants to see DS at this time. They asked me if they could have DS for a week at Christmas break. They said they promise ex-h would not be allowed to come over or call while DS is there.
I've very torn by this. DS loves going to visit them and it's a nice break for us too. I called his PO and he confirmed that ex-h is living in another city and that he understands the restraining orders and the PO feels that it is unlikely ex-h will violate his restraining order, but of course can make no gaurantee.
On one hand I feel like they are too far away for me to do anything if ex-h decides he wants to act up. On the other hand I have a gut feeling that nothing will happen and I do trust the grandparents. I know, and grandparents know, that if they allow the restraining order to be violated they will never get DS again and charges will be filed against their son. But I'm also concerned because how much can they really control the situation? DS has been battling some bahavior problems and just seeing his father for a minute would throw him for a loop and we'd have to deal with more problems when he comes home. DH is pretty much against it but told me to decide. I'm more inclined to just let him go but there are many family members against it. And it'll be my behind if anything were to happen while he was there.
Any insight or suggestions?
Well, over the past 4 years I've allowed DS to visit with his paternal grandparents in Northern NV (about 8 hrs from us). There's never been an issue and they've always told me they would never let DS speak to his father or see him now that he's out. I believed them and never had any indication that he has spoken to his father.
When ex-h was released this year I found out that he was paroled to grandparents house and his supervision was transferred to that area. They've made very little effort to contact DS over the past few months, probably due to the fact that ex-h was living there and they didn't want to run into any problems. I was talking to them last night and they told me that ex-h moved out and is living in a city about 15 miles from them, has a job, and hasn't made any indication that he wants to see DS at this time. They asked me if they could have DS for a week at Christmas break. They said they promise ex-h would not be allowed to come over or call while DS is there.
I've very torn by this. DS loves going to visit them and it's a nice break for us too. I called his PO and he confirmed that ex-h is living in another city and that he understands the restraining orders and the PO feels that it is unlikely ex-h will violate his restraining order, but of course can make no gaurantee.
On one hand I feel like they are too far away for me to do anything if ex-h decides he wants to act up. On the other hand I have a gut feeling that nothing will happen and I do trust the grandparents. I know, and grandparents know, that if they allow the restraining order to be violated they will never get DS again and charges will be filed against their son. But I'm also concerned because how much can they really control the situation? DS has been battling some bahavior problems and just seeing his father for a minute would throw him for a loop and we'd have to deal with more problems when he comes home. DH is pretty much against it but told me to decide. I'm more inclined to just let him go but there are many family members against it. And it'll be my behind if anything were to happen while he was there.
Any insight or suggestions?