Jewish ladies, Can I get an opinion please?

[amyintn]

When I went in to my RE's office today for a follicle scan, I had 1 follie at 16mm. We had an IUI scheduled for tomorrow but since it's not at 18 mm, my RE wants to wait until Thursday. Thursday, of course, is Yom Kippur.

So, personally, I'm okay with having an IUI on Yom Kippur. I didn't originally plan it this way and if it was meant to be on Thursday, then it's meant to be. However, DH is really stressing out over this and I see his concerns, believe me. I'm really just curious what everyone else would do, if you don't mind sharing. I know part of me is just being selfish and I really want this to happen so this is obviously effecting my decision. However, I would like anyone's opinion, whether you would or wouldn't, why or why not. I guess I'm looking for reasons to help justify my decision to my DH and to also get a better understanding of his POV.

Thanks,

amy

[IrisHope]

If your doc thinks that's the day to do it I say go.

[Mooshie]

Why torture yourself for another month? Is your husband being pressured by his family to be in temple? I'm sure given the choice, all parents would rather have you making a baby than not... You can atone while you lay on the table ;)

[AndreaMMS]

I totally agree with the previous poster: "all parents would rather have you making a baby than not... You can atone while you lay on the table " (very funny, mooshie!)

I look at it this way - you will have spent Yom Kippor doing a Mitzvah- creating a new life.:) What better way to spend a High Holiday?

[Sal03]

I agree totally with the previous posters

[Dasha]

I agree with the previous posters, that you should have your insemination. The procedure itself only takes a few minutes, so if you are able to have the procedure done in the early morning, you can spend the rest of the day in synagogue with your family. I can't imagine going through a month of taking medication, having daily blood and ultrasound monitoring, then receiving the trigger shot but not completing the cycle. That would be really frustrating.

Best of luck with the IUI. I conceived on my 3rd IUI cycle with medications.

[almostthere]

I have a slightly different opionion - I think it is more than fine to do this on YK however, how religious are you? Would this put undo stress on you and your DH?

Overall, while I am fairly observant I believe that its is a mitzvah to make a baby and no matter how it happens, you are doing a mitzvah which takes precedent over the holiday. However, just make sure it doesn;t add stress.

Sarah

[amyintn]

Thank you for your replies thus far.

To answer Sarah's question, I myself am not that observant. My DH, however, was raised in an Orthodox home and still remains pretty observant. He is being caused stress by the idea of it, not myself. Of course, since he's stressing about it, I myself am concerned.

I did call my rabbi to get his opinion on things. He encouraged me to go ahead and do it. He said that although on Yom Kippur one is supposed to abstain from earthly pleasures, i.e. sex that could possibly result in a baby, you are also supposed to consider your own health. If this is causing me stress or is effecting my mental health, as we all know infertility can do, then my health is more important and I should continue with treatment. He also remarked that my DH's specimen would be collected not because of his seeking pleasure but to help with the IUI and that in his eyes that was okay.

I have told my DH all of this. DH is considering the rabbis remarks but he has also called the rabbi who married us to get his opinion. Our rabbi here in TN is Reform and the rabbi who married us is Conservative. DH kinda figured the Reform rabbi would say okay but is curious as to what a more orthodox rabbi would say.

In the meantime, I keep thinking about the line "On Yom Kippur it is sealed". Deep down I get the feeling that if I don't do it on this day, I'll go another year with no success.

[tenofcups]

In the meantime, I keep thinking about the line "On Yom Kippur it is sealed". Deep down I get the feeling that if I don't do it on this day, I'll go another year with no success.

I hesitated to answer earlier because even though I'm Jewish, I really don't practice much. But thost two lines really strike me. No way to know whether it's true or not, of course, but given that you think it is, I'd say it's important that you do go through with it--especially since your rabbi has agreed that it's ok to do so.

I wish you luck in coming to an agreement with your husband (hopefully without too much drama) and best of luck with the IUI!

[mrsfromage]

I was just going to post that I think any sort of medical procedure is ok for Yom Kippur (at least in my liberal Jewish opinion--not a rabbi, obviously!)...you are taking care of your health in a manner of speaking.

But if it makes your husband really uncomfortable...I guess that's another issue.

[Bubeleh]

I agree with the other posters. I would tell DH that you can go to temple Wed evening, and do the fast the next day. Even possible go to temple Thurs evening, but if you doc thinks Thurs is the day then go for it. You can scedule plenty of temple time around your appointment. That should appease him and his family.

[angelgirl8]

i had the same sort of question you did last year. i was doing my first clomid cycle and my IUI was possibly sheduled for rosh hashanah. i'm more observant than DH, so that wasn't a problem, but i went back and forth on it. in the end, i decided that the baby-making needs/desire trumped the attendance of temple for rosh hashanah. it's a tough decision, but i'd go with your gut. if you feel like you would regret not doing the IUI, i'd definitely do it. and certainly don't feel bad about not fasting.

good luck!

[shortcake]

I totally agree with the majority here - I would do it. However, your DH needs to feel ok with that! I'm glad the rabbi at your temple was cool with it - I am very curious what a conservative rabbi would say. I am guessing the answer might not be as sympathetic. I really hope your DH comes around! I know that you ARE supposed to take your health into consideration; not only would waiting cause extra stress- you've also gone through a lot of medical processes to get to this point and if you skip, you may have to do it all again another month. To me that seems justification enough that your DH should see it as a medical procedure rather than pleasure.

[amyintn]

We're going to do it!! When I went in for a follow-up u/s on Tuesday, I now had 2 follicles, a 19 and one that was 16 which they said should be about 18 or 19 when I trigger. They did an estradiol and said to come in for my trigger today, super early, and scheduled the IUI tomorrow morning at 10.

Our conservative rabbi friend posted our problem on some rabbinical messageboard and 6 rabbis responded that the mitzvah of creating a life outweighed the mitzvah of observing Yom Kippur and if the IUI had to be done on Thursday, than they thought that was okay. So, DH feels much better about the entire thing:)

Thanks for all the responses!

amy

[Mooshie]

I'd love to get a look at a rabbinical message board! I wonder what their topics would be...1) How to grow your congregation 2) How to raise more money 3) How to increase attendance 4) dairy menus? 5) Old jokes?

Anyway, best of luck to you and please keep us posted!

[tenofcups]

I'm so glad you and your DH were able to come to a decision that works for both of you. And GOOD LUCK tomorrow!

[Daniel's Kitty]

I am not Jewish, but wanted to wish you luck!

[shortcake]

Hurray! I'm so glad the rabbi agreed - it is so much better that neither you or DH has misgivings about it.