Funeral Service for a miscarriage?????

[Dan's*Girl]

Ok, a coworker lost her baby at 7 weeks and she goes to a Catholic hospital. They made her name her baby, and have a funeral service at the chapel there. I have NEVER heard of this. I mean, if someone has a stillborn or a baby farther along in the pregnancy they might name the baby and have a service, but at 7 weeks???

I go to a catholic hospital as well and plan to call them and see if this is what they do too.

I'm really looking for anyone elses stories about this, if they feel comfortable enough to share. I mean no disrespect to anyone with this question. Thank you!

[Marie]

I lost at 8 weeks at a Catholic hospital and this was never mentioned.

[Dan's*Girl]

Marie, thank you for sharing. ::HUGS::

[jay&erinn]

Being Catholic, I know that the general thought is that life begins at conception. Because of that, they feel a miscarriage should be treated as a loss of life, regardless of when it happens. I have a friend who miscarried at a catholic hospital and was asked if they'd like to name the baby. They also gave her info on a site where they buried the remains (all miscarried babies are buried in one area of the cemetary affiliated with the hospital). Having miscarried twice, I would have liked the option of some sort of ceremony. Everyone tends to forget a miscarriage very quickly. Almost like, you never knew the baby so it's no big deal. I think some sort of ceremony would give a lot of people more closure to the event, almost validating a lot of the feelings of loss you have. I'm not sure if that makes sense, especially if you don't have the same views about when life begins.

[dana b]

i've never heard of that. i do think it would be strange to have an all-out funeral with guests for such an early loss, but i think it's great that they offer the service for people who would want it, i'm sure it's probably helpful for them.

They also gave her info on a site where they buried the remains (all miscarried babies are buried in one area of the cemetary affiliated with the hospital).
i've never heard of this either, but i think it's just the sweetest thing ever. to know that they are treating your mc'd child with such respect. it makes me wonder what regular hospitals do with them.

[louie]

At the Catholic hospital I used to work at they gave this option to parents whose babies were stillborn or died soon after birth in the NICU.
But, never heard of it for a miscarriage.

[Nigellas]

I was offered this option when I lost my son at 19 weeks - I chose to have him buried without a service though.

ETA - I was not offered this option for my 3 other miscarriages, they were earlier losses though.

[Ali]

Well, my twin sister and I were born 2 1/2 months prematurely. My twin died 22 hours after birth. My family is Catholic and we were born at a Catholic hospital and most of my family is buried in a Catholic cemetery. My twin was buried in the cemetery in a spot called "Little Angel Mound" which is where the babies are buried.

Not exactly the same situation but I thought that it might help shed some light nonetheless.

And there was a full funeral service as well.

[Ole Miss Bride]

i've never heard of this either, but i think it's just the sweetest thing ever. to know that they are treating your mc'd child with such respect. it makes me wonder what regular hospitals do with them.

Yeah, I will always wonder what they did with my baby's remains after my last m/c and D&C.

-Betsy

[Southlooper]

Here in Illinois hospitals are required to ask you what to do with the remains if one m/cs after (I think) 10 weeks (apparently before then the remains are not viable.)

I think this is a good idea.

[Pookie]

I had an early m/c (6 weeks), but never went to a hospital. The hospital I delivered DS at is Catholic and I've never heard of them doing this.

[alliannie]

I didnt have a miscarriage(well d&c) at a Catholic hospital but at a regular hospital and I was asked what I wanted to do with the remains. I had three options, them get rid of the fetus, them contact a funeral home and then go from there, or make all arrangments myself. I was only 10 weeks and the baby was only developed to 7 or 8. I am pretty sure though my doctor said it was mandatory he ask me though.

[jenji]

I have read that it really helps with the grieving process if parents of a misscarried baby give the baby a name and are allowed to go through the loss and grief like the would if the child had been born.
I think it's nice that they offer that option

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

I went through a mc in March and I wish this was offered to me. My doctor was very insensitive though (a month after my D&C, I went in for bc and she asked what happened to my last pregnancy). Needless to say I won't go back to her.
My boss was nice enough to send me flowers and gave me a week of berievement. I thought that was very touching and gave me some time to heal and take care of myself.

[kellyann1972]

Well my son was still born at 35 weeks and we had a funeral etc. However he was due to be delivered the next week so ....

Anyway yes it does help with the grieving process but that does seem a little early.

I guess its whatever the parents want.

[divinemsemm]

hey girl... it's been difficult trying to get in touch with you!!

I've had two m/c, as you know, and closure for each person is different. My closure finally happened when I got my tattoo this year.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v341/deskgirl/tatsm.jpg

My heart was broken with my m/cs, but when I finally named them, their initials sewed it back together... very symbolic and this way I don't have to worry about forgetting, and anytime I need to remember, they're with me.

but like i said, each person is different.. --Emm

[Soulmate]

That is an amazing tattoo divinemsemm! What a nice way to honor your babies.

I m/c'ed naturally at 7 weeks so no hospital was involved. Now I must state ahead of time, I seem to be pretty unusual in my preferences involving grief so... I think that if a hospital would have made me do that it would have traumatized me more. I did not want to name my child (it was too early in the pregnancy) and would not want to be made to sit through some g-damn funeral service. I deal with things very privately and *making* me deal with the loss in *their* way would have seriously ticked me off. I would say though that I would have liked to have some place to lay my baby to rest other than the county's sewage system (not making light, it was the most traumatic part of the m/c).

[divinemsemm]

thanks, soulmate, it was a bit painful, but it was worth it... now of course I want more tats! but only ones that mean something to me... being in theatre behind the scenes (most likely a writer or design) i can be eccentric and have a bunch of tatts :) ---but yes, m/c grief is different for everyone, and nothing should be forced on anyone... --E