TTC After a Loss

[LDS Angel 19]

So I thought I would see if we could start up this thread over here. (Sorry to tigerest if I'm stepping on your toes, you can take over if you want!)

But I think it is really great for all of us that have had a loss to be able to talk and comfort and encourage each other.

So, I think we all know the drill. Post your stats and I'll add them in the thread. I'll try to go back to the old thread and pull out some of the links and other stuff. If you have any good links that have helped you, feel free to post those and I will ad them as well.


Our Members

ajlanden
Name:Ashley, 28
DH: Doug, 33
Married: June 28, 2005
M/C naturally at 7 weeks
TTC: ASAP (still trying to figure it out!)
DD: Danielle Judith 12-15-04

alliannie
Name:Annie, 21(22 end of month)
DH:Adam,22
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C (D&C) @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: Now, but still waiting to figure out my new cycle

amygrrl
me: amy (35)
dh: dan (33)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.

bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

dpangel33
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 31
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.

jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB

JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year

Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

kdotp
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006

lissy
Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year


LDS Angel 19 (Threadmistress)
Me: Michelle, 22
DH: Aaron, 23
Married: September 4th, 2004
Our angel Allison Grace June 17th 2005 @ 22 wks, With us on earth 40 mins
TTC: August 2005

Nigellas
Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium

shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now


Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?

Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/C: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

[jennylou]

We're not TTC again until later this year, but I wanted to bump this up to the first page so others would see it.

[Happy1]

Thanks for starting this up again. Bumping it up again.

Nikki :D

[Ericka_Jarett]

I'll be the first to post my stats

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 31
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005

This site has been a huge help, great place to vent and get information from others that suffer losses as well. Women are great on the daily thread.
Pregnancy Grief (http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/pregnancy/pregnancygrief/3376) The site is: babycenter.com

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Ericka! I have seen you over in that babycenter thread. Nice to have you over here too.

I'm a little surprised this thread has not taken off yet, there were a bunch of people in it back on the WC.

[alliannie]

Hi. Ill join I was a new member on the one on WC.

alliannie
Name:Annie, 21(22 end of month)
DH:Adam,22
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: Now, but still waiting to figure out my new cycle

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome Annie. kinda nice to see another youngin' around here. :)

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks for the welcome. I'm sure the new board will pick up, I just got onto it myself this week. Took me a day to get my sugnature and such how I wanted it to be. Plus trying to get my WC working right (username mess up) and than also over at Babycenter, so it's a lot of boards I try to juggle.

I am praying that we caught the egg thiscycle, I would be due aroung the 16th of March if so. Will not be testing until early to mid July though.

[alliannie]

LSDAngel-I know the feeling of liking the feeling of not being the only young one :D I am generally there too.

I still dont know when to TTC yet. I have yet to have a period since my miscarriage. Its been almost 4 weeks. But I heard it can take up to 7. But we are DTD anyway since its fun :eek: . I go back for a check up on July 11. Does anyone know what they will do at this appt?

Oh and if you could can you change my stats to
M/C by a D&C?

[jennylou]

Sorry Alli, I have no idea about what to expect at a followup appointment for a miscarriage. Actually, right now, I think everyone who has posted here in this thread is a late loss and had to deliver their babies or had c-sections, so maybe if you want an answer sooner you could post that question on the main FP section? Just a thought.

Here are my stats:

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year

[Ericka_Jarett]

Annie,

Sorry, as Jenny said we probably aren't much help in that area.

My background of follow-up after birth - I went for my 2 week (went for answers to some questions) I was still bleeding at the time, by the 4 week appointment I had stopped bleeding about 4 days earlier. Doctor said I still had some blood, and sure enough the next day and for 5 more days I was bleeding again. (Thought it was AF, but 3 weeks later AF was here in full force, whole 6 days) I got a complete examine and the doctor took a cervical culture for testing to make sure I was free of any bacterias. Also sent me for bloodwork. All 7 bloodwork up came back negative but cervical was 2 strong bacteria, they are what ultimately made my cervix open and the bacteria to enter the placenta causing the infection that took Rebekah. Got on antibiotics and got another culture and it was negative so we got the green light to TTC again.

[kdotp]

I still dont know when to TTC yet. I have yet to have a period since my miscarriage. Its been almost 4 weeks. But I heard it can take up to 7. But we are DTD anyway since its fun :eek: . I go back for a check up on July 11. Does anyone know what they will do at this appt?

It can take anywhere from 4 weeks to even 8 or longer to get a period after a m/c. It all depends on your body and how long it takes the pregnancy hormones to leave. With my first [natural] m/c (6w2d) I had a period about 30 days after I started bleeding. With my second [natural] m/c (8w), it took 41 days to get my first period. I don't know if having a d/c takes longer because everything was taken out withut your body recognizing the pregnancy was no longer viable?

As far as what to expect at your Dr's appointment, they might take a blood sample to check and make sure your Betas are under 5. If they tested the embryo or anything after the d/c, they may have results to go over with you. They'll probably discuss how to go about TTC again and what will happen when you get pg again. It all really depends on the individual Doctor on what s/he decides to go over with you.
----------
My Stats:
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006

We've decided to wait a while before we TTC again. I want to make sure I'm completely healed--both physically and emotionally--before we go through this again. We've decided to kind of let loose and really live up over summer, which is including quite a few weddings, parties and family gatherings as well as a trip to the state fair and an amusement park. We also booked a trip to London, England over the New Year and I'd prefer not to be pg for that. A new year equals a new start, right?

We might work with our insurance to see if we can have any sort of m/c testing done since I had two consecutive within 5 months. If not, I guess we just wait and see. I will be switching to a different OB group; one that has an RE on staff and is used to dealing with more high-risk type pregnancies. My old OB had no idea what to do with me after the 2nd m/c.

[JennH]

JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi Jenn,

Glad to see you around these boards. Sorry to hear about the M/C

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, kdotp and JennH. It's nice in a bittersweet way to see our little group grow some.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful holiday weekend.

[excitedbride]

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.

Thank you for starting this thread.

I have a really dumb question...how do I get the email notifications?

[jennylou]

To subscribe, scroll down past the reply box. Under Additional options there is a drop down box that will allow you to subscribe. :)

[T&M'sMommy]

I just wanted to let you ladies know of a grieving chat that I've been on since my mom died 2 years ago. www.groww.org They have chats for people that have been through all sorts of loss(including loss of a child)

[JennH]

Thank you Ericka and LDA Angel for the welcome. Sorry any of us need this thread, but I'm glad it's here.

[karlatta]

I decided to join... after spending the day with my good friend's wonderful 6-day old baby, I realize that I still miss my little girl so much.

Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

[excitedbride]

jennylou Thank you!:)

[tigerest]

LDS_Angel - Is this why my toes have been hurting all weekend? ;) Totally kidding! :) I think it's great that you started a new thread over here. Honestly, I sort of thought about it, but I just don't have as much time to post anymore. Anyway, I think it's time for a new start for this thread, especially since I CAN'T get onto WC anymore!! I sent them an email Monday of last week, telling them I can't get on and no response. SO until then the poor TTC after a LOSS thread on WC will be neglected.

Hello and Welcome to everyone!! Hopefully, this new thread will bring some happy news! Sorry I haven't been keeping up with the WC thread. I have been really busy, and ever since the darn Upgrade I can't get on anymore.

I am in my second 2WW since my surgery, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Hugs and Good luck to everyone!

[excitedbride]

tiger Oh my fingers are crossed for you! :D

~~~~~~~~~

I am happy that I o'ed this cycle! (at least I think I did!) At least that means an end to this cycle is near and on to the next!

[Sully130]

Hi all. I'm not sure how much I'll be around in here, but I'd like to join and see. I stopped posting in the TTC after a Loss thread on the WC after I got pregnant again...but that, unfortunately, didn't have a happy ending. And since we aren't actively TTC yet, I figured it wasn't time to post yet. But I see some familiar faces/names here, so I thought I'd join. Here are my stats:

Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?

tigerest - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you as well. I hope this is it for you. I know you've been on a very long road... :-)

I hope that everyone's stay in here is short and sweet.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ugh, I had a long post ready and it got eaten. Lets try again....

Welcome, Karla and Sully. Feel free to post as much or as little as you like.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Mine was pretty good. I am almost fully physically back to normal. But it seems that as my physical state improves, my emotional state declines. It's a neverending battle it seems.

My follow-up appt with my Dr. is on Thrusday. I have a million questions for her but I am pretty sure she will have few answers.

I can't remember what else was in my post, (I sort of feel like I still have preggo brain these days....) but I hope everyone is doing well.

[Nigellas]

Hi everyone - I'd like to join too, if that's ok. Here's my info:

Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, Nigellas.

[Bubbas]

I'm glad this thread has been started up over here! It helped me so much before I got pg again with my DS.

I will be lurking, praying and cheering for all of you on your quests to TTC.

[LDS Angel 19]

went to my Dr. today. Still no real answers. There was no infection. Nothing wrong with her, nothing wrong with me.
We have the green light to TTC as soon as AF comes back. (Who knows when that will be...) I am still going back and forth a little if we should wait or try right away.

Hope everyone is well.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Michelle,

Do what feels right to you and hubby. I know for me after the service for Rebeakh, I told hubby I hope it's not long before I am pregnant again. I loved being pregnant and really miss it now. (I should be about 4 1/2 weeks from delivering Rebekah.) I have been praying like crazy as well as knowing other women on here have been praying for us, that we caught the egg this month.

I am only Day 7 so figured I would get a negative on a preg test, but couldn't resist testing just the same. It was a negative like I thought. Went to Babies R' Us today, was first time since March, was ok, missing looking at the baby girl clothes (was looking to see if they had the eyelet outfits on clearance that I loved, they didn't have them at all though in the store) Went to Marshalls and ended up getting a pair of duck slippers (my husband's photography company is Duckling Photo, so these match a onesie I got before know Rebekah was a girl that has ducks on it, our baby will be his mascot :)) Also got a yellow satin and velour blanket. Couldn't resist the slippers were $4 for Carters and the blanket was $5 for Gerber Beginnings.

Got in the mail 2 days ago a package from Huggies, opened the box and just took the things out and put them in the baby tote box in the closet. I'm ready to be pregnant again now, seeing those items made me miss Rebekah so much. Saw at least 15 pregnant women today while at the Mall and other stores.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka,

I know what you mean about missing being pregnant. I loved it too. I'll be praying for you to catch that egg too.
I am pretty sure we will be TTC soon, I am really quite scared though. When I was pregnant with Allison, I always had full faith that she was fine, and would always be fine. Now that this has happened I am going to be so constantly worried about the baby. *sigh*

[Ericka_Jarett]

I totally understand Michelle. I told my mom one day that I am scared of something happening with the next baby. Than I said you know what. This baby will be perfect and nothing will happen.

I already told my doctor, for every little thing you will see me with the next pregnancy, she said that's fine, do what makes you feel comfortable and reassured. Did they do any blood testing or cultures on you? My doctor at the 4 week follow-up did a cervical culture and also sent me for 7 blood tests to rule that I was free of any and all bacterias/infections. The blood tests came back negative, but the cultures showed 2 strong bacteria which are what caused the Chorioamnionitis which in turn caused my pre-term labor.

[amygrrl]

i guess it's time for me to join... here are my stats... for some reason, none of the colors or fonts or smilies seem to work for me..

amygrrl
me: amy (35)
dh: dan (33)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.

Status: July 25th - Meet with RE to discuss next steps. Possible fresh cycle in Sept/Oct. Meeting with Perinatologist to review Avery's case on July 14th. Undergoing b/w for a variety of clotting disorders. Meeting with Cardiologist to change arythmia med. and praying for a brother or sister for Avery

[Ericka_Jarett]

Welcome Amy. Sorry to hear of your loss.

[shouldaeloped]

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for starting this thread over here. I have definitely missed it.

shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now

I just had my first post d&c visit from AF, took 41 days. I can't really complain I suppose. My doc tested the chromosomes from the fetus after my second m/c and they all came back normal. I do in today for a sonohysterogram and a ton of blood work to try to find out why this is happening. I am ready to get back on the bandwagon but would like some answers first if possible.

Thanks again for getting this started.

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome to Amy and Heather. So sorry for your losses. I hope you can find support here. I will get your stats up in a sec.

[alliannie]

Today is my post d&c appt. Im nervous for some reason since I am not sure what they will be doing. I hope everything is all cleared up and my #'s back down. I am still waiting for AF since I have yet to have one. Its been 19 days so I probably have awhile still. Ill update on my appt later today.

[shouldaeloped]

Hi Annie- I hope all goes well for you today.. I just had a d&c in may and I used the follow up appointment to ask every question in the book. what do we do from here, how long until I call you for help if AF doesn't show on her own, when can we try again. anything and everything to put my mind at ease. It took 41 days for AF to show up again. my doctor told me it could have taken up to 3 months! :eek:

so I had an SHG friday afternoon. my uterus looks normal. Perfect actually is the word she used. so now I wait for the results of the bloodwork and start trying again.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I'm out this cycle, AF showed on on CD 34, DPO 12. Onto a new cycle, praying for an April baby now.

[LDS Angel 19]

Aww, sorry Ericka.

alliannie, how was your appointment?


As for me, nothing new. I posted Allison's story in my LJ if anyone wants to check it out.

[excitedbride]

I am sorry Ericka.

[amygrrl]

so sorry for you, ericka

alliannie - i hope your appointment went well.

shouldaeloped - yeah for a normal uterus!
-------------------------------

more bad news for us. avery's tissue sample that was sent off for genetic testing didn't grow cells so we will never know if genetic problems caused her death... we are still left with nothing more than a guess that it was the cord... but with out info on genetics, congenital problems, etc... it really is nothing more than a guess. we are really feeling beat up at this point ... first her death, then the hospital f$cks up and doesn't do the autopsy, then the hospital tries to bill us 35k for a vaginal birth w/no complications, and now we have no genetic results. we are still set to see the perinatologist on thursday, but without the genetics or autopsy, our OB admitted that there's not much even a peri could tell us... so where does that leave us? we don't know... on the one hand we want a baby so desperately... now more than ever... on the other hand the thought of going through 9 months of prenancy with no knowledge of whether or not our chances of lossing another baby in the 3rd trimester are 75% or 1% scares me to death and i honestly don't know if i have the strength for it... i think i may be having a nervous breakdown at this point. there is only so much a person can take at one time and i think i've hit the wall.

[alliannie]

I was wrong and my appt isnt until Thursday. I woke up that morning with something saying call first. I did and no appt till Thursday! So I will update then. Thanks for wondering though!!!!

Ericka, so sorry for af.

[LDS Angel 19]

alliannie, that's strange. I did the same thing with my appt. las week. It's understandable though, being a little forgetful when going through somthing like this.

Amy ((((HUGS)))) I know where you are coming from. We don't really know why we lost Allison either. The wondering and worrying can really wear you down. I for me right now, the grief is too fresh for me to really think about having another baby. But you'll get through it somehow, we all will. I'll be praying that you are able to make the decision that is best for you.

[tigerest]

Hi everyone.

Erika - Sorry AF showed.

Amy - {HUGS} I am sorry about all the bad news. :(


UGh...I am not doing so great either. Last cycle I got a faint + on 10 DPO, and the next day I got a BFN on one test and on the second test there was a faint line, but even more faint than the day before. I started bleeding that day. So my cycle was only like 23 days long. With that and hating my job, I am not doing that great right now. I brought up quitting my job and becoming foster parents to DH last night, he said he needed some time to process that. Maybe in a year we'll do it, if I am still not PG.

Hope everyone is doing alright....

[amygrrl]

cross-posting from SAI...

<b>dr update</b>
went to see the peri today. overall, a good appointment. the big thing that came out of it was that we have really good instincts (and advice from all our IF friends on the internet!!) about what standard of care we should have. apparently, my ob called the peri last week and told him all the tests she had ordered for clotting and immunolgy. he was very impressed and said it was a very thorough list and exactly what he would have recommended. well, although i didn't mention it... SHE GOT THE LIST FROM ME. i made the list from talking to several of my IF friends here and on ivfconnections.com and insisted on having them done. the ob didn't even know what many of the tests were!!!

so basically, the peri said that without an autopsy and/or genetic info we just don't have an answer. the meconium in my fluid suggests that sudden hypoxia occured (ie suffication)... this could be from a blockage/ clotting in the placenta or cord, the cord wrapping around her neck or the cord kinking... but he said there really is no definitive answer. the cord was extremely helixed (coiled) which would be due to formation and there may be evidence cords can potentially have slightly more risk... but there are no studies to indicate a direct correlation b/t extreme helixing and cord accidents and there is no way to know if i will always have pregnancies with extremely helixed cords or if it was a one time thing. for now, we need to do all the b/w to rule out clotting and immunology.

overall, we feel good b/c he didn't mention at all that we shouldn't try again or even be worried about trying again. he did say our standard of care would be much different. i would be placed on a diabetic diet from day 1 and have to monitor my blood sugars 4-6 times a day from the beginning b/c my 1 hour glucose test i took about 10 days before losing avery was borderline. i can continue to take the heart meds i'm currently on and don't have to switch to a new drug. i will be monitored with weekly u/s through the REI clinic until about 9-10 weeks. from 10-20 weeks, i will have 3 or 4 more appointments (no extra u/s necessary b/c they can't tell much at that point anyway and i'll have the nuchal fold u/s and triple screen during that period). at 18-20 wks, i'll have the level 2 u/s and then have additional level 2 u/s's every 3-4 wks until the the baby comes. i'll also have non-stress tests and u/s to check cord blood flow every week from about 24 wks on. lastly, assuming the baby is healthy and the lungs are mature, we will deliver at 37-38 wks.

whew!!!!! so overall, it will mean a much more aggressive approach to care, but i'm very happy with that at this point.

[papergirl]

can i join?

bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

i’m sorry that you ladies had to go through this. next time it will hopefully be better for all of us. it has to be, right?

after the m/c i decided that when we started ttc (which was right away) that i would rather the disappointment of a BFN then another m/c. i still believe that. my cycle just ended with my period showing up. inside i’m really ok with not getting a BFP but i’ve become sad again about having the m/c. it’s like my period is a reminder that i lost our child. does that make sense? today has been my second day in this funk.

yesterday was particularly bad. i was just really sad, which i hadn’t been for a few weeks. i hated being back in that dark place. after work i met up with dh and the first thing he starts telling me is that on his train ride to meet me he saw a little girl and started thinking about our could-have-been baby, about the m/c. usually i smile when he tells me things like this because it makes me realize how much he really carried. somehow there is comfort in knowing he is sad about the outcome of that pregnancy. but yesterday i was so sad that hearing him talk made me choke up. it was like in that moment i just couldn’t hear it.

it’s almost friday. i hope over the weekend i cheer up.

for the ladies who are ttc again and got AF this cycle - sorry.

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, bumble. I hope you will find comfort and support here in our little group.

Amy, glad to hear you appt. was ok.


Got a few more sympathy cards in the mail today. (They were a little delayed since we moved three days after the funeral...) It is so generous of some of my family who have sent money. But I have no clue what to do with it... I may use it for the hospital bill or for her marker... but I just don't know. I didn't expect any money.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful evening.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Rebecca (love your name btw), Wish it was under better circumstances that we got to chat with you. I totally understand what you are feeling in being in a mood about AF. I felt the exact same way last night. How getting AF this cycle made me aware that I was not pregnant this cycle with baby 2, that I miss my baby girl Rebekah so much (it's almost 3 months since I lost her) and how I hoped and prayed that this cycle I was pregnant again, as I miss that feeling so much. (I was hoping to have a March baby, since I am April 12 and Rebekah was April 18th)


Michelle, we had one person give us money in her card, it was a sweet gesture. We didn't have to pay for the memorial service fees, only the grave opening (was extra since it was a Saturday, my mom picked up the tab for the opening for us) and Rebekah's marker. We used the money the day of her service to get ourselves a nice lunch (got ribs and stuff and ate at home) and our state income tax check for the marker and installation.

(Not to get totally off topic,if you want a bronze marker let me know, found a place that does them at a great price and they do good work)

[alliannie]

Welcome Rebecca. I also had a m/c in June. I think I will be feeling like you are soon when I get my AF for the first time. Hugs.

Amygrrl-I am glad you got so much accomplished at your appt! I hope everything works out.

My appt. was today. It was what everyone said it would be. They did a pap and he just asked me questions and I asked alot. He said I should start soon(I hope so). He still doesnt seem concerned I had a miscarriage just keeps saying its very common for the first pregnancy. Which I know is true but isnt making this any easier. He is convinced everything will be perfect next time. I pray he is right.

[papergirl]

lds Thanks for welcoming me.

ericka I was in your journal and it seems like we had similar feelings last week. Getting AF sure was hard. It’s getting lighter for me and my mood is picking up. Maybe next cycle will be the one. An April baby would be a precious gift for us both.

I’m glad you like my name. When I was small I always wanted to spell it with a k. It just looked so cool. I’m sure your daughter loves her name.

annie I hope getting AF will be a little less stressful for you then it was for me. I really wasn’t prepared for that sadness.

question: Did anyone elses first period after a m/c (not the m/c period) seem different then their normal periods? I guess this would apply to those that m/c earlier on. I had a lot more cramping then normal, which was not fun. I hope it was a one time thing.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi bumble,

yeah I am getting better now, glad AF is just about gone. Went to a wedding yesterday and that was so nice, glad we got invited and it was something happy for me to focus on for a few hours. More details of the wedding are in my journal, it was beautiful and perfect, rain held off even until we got home.

Regarding your question, although I had an infant loss, my AF was different the first time as well. Never really had cramping before I was pregnant and with AF I did and it was a bit heavier than usual and such. Just had AF 2 and not as crampy and really not as heavy as the 1st one after birth.

[LDS Angel 19]

Today is one month since Allison was born. It's a very hard day. I hope the rest of you are having a better day then I am.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thinking of you Michelle.

Tomorrow is 3 months since I gave birth to Rebekah. Woman at church gave me a hug (she is the one that has been a huge support to me, she suffered 6 miscarriages back in the 60s, before they found out what was wrong) She whispered she would be thinking about and praying for me tomorrow. She always remembers each month on the 18th about me and prays especially for my heart on those days.

[jennylou]

The milestones are hard. :( Wednesday of this week Andrew would have been two months old. Friday marks two months since his death. :(

[UTChick]

Delurking for a moment.

Just wanted to let you ladies know, that while I can't even begin to know the pain and loss you have felt recently, there are many of us thinking about you during this time.

Much love to you,

Kathy

[LDS Angel 19]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much better today.

[Sully130]

LDS Angel, I'm glad you are feeling better today. To you, and jennylou and Ericka especially, I know these milestones are tough. I was talking to my husband last night and telling him how I measure everything in relation to the day we lost our daughter...or how far along I should be. I look forward to the day when I don't do that anymore. Anyway, he also was talking about how I need to "get over it" all at some point. I got so angry. I told him that I will get through it, but I will never get over it. I read in a grief book that feeling that way is completely normal and many parents who have lost children feel that way.

I think by the end of our conversation he understood where I was coming from. I think men, by their nature, just want to fix everything. But some things just can't be fixed...you know?

As for me, I'm in the middle of my first full cycle after our DD's death. It took 10 weeks for AF to show, and that was probably good because it gave me time to think about TTC. We have decided to try on our next cycle. We both decided that though we are terrified at the thought of losing another child, we know that will never go away. So waiting longer really is only prolonging what is going to happen eventually.

Friday it will be 13 weeks (three months) since Hannah's death. And on Saturday, I should have been 36 weeks. I'm so ready for my due date (August 20) to get here already. Ugh. I wish I could fast forward time to September 1.

bumble - after my m/c last summer I remember that my first AF was a bit different. I think that is very normal.

tigerest - I'm so sorry about all of the frustration. I wish things were easier for you. You've been through so much and my heart goes out to you.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Sully, thanks for your thoughts. I really find comfort in you girls here, knowing that other people have felt the way that I am feeling.
I feel exactly like you do about TTC. I know being pregnant again is going to be a terrifying thing, but I guess we have to face our fears sometimes.

[taraw]

Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/S: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

I had a M/S on April 15, 2005. My Dr. suggested waiting a couple of months before trying again, but we began trying again immediately. (She suggested the wait for emotional healing, since I didn't have a D&C I was told there wasn't any physical reason to have to wait) The first 2 months after the m/s I had a ton of EWCM and thought that was a good sign that we would conceive again right away. Unfortunately, I didn't get PG in those first 2 cycles. This last cycle I had very little EWCM. I have not been temping, but I think I will probably start the charting back up next cycle to see if/when I am actually ovulating.

I still get pretty sad thinking about the m/s, I just want to get PG again so that I can move on. I would have been due in November, so I really hope that I am PG again by then. Since having the m/s we have found out that my brother, my DH's brother and 2 cousins are expecting. I am very happy for all of them, but it does make it harder for me. I would have been due before all of them, so once the babies start coming I am afraid I will be very sad if we aren't PG ourselves.

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, Tara. I got your stats up on the first page.

[akwifeandmomma]

I have a question for you ladies, hope you can help.

I miscarried on May 12th, at around 11.5 weeks. The baby had died at around 7.5 weeks. I m/c'd naturally, at home, and collected tissue to confirm that it was complete.

About a month later, June 15th, I started wondering if I might be pregnant again. I tested and it was positive, so I went in for betas, since my OB thought it might be leftover hormones from my m/c. It was. My level on the 15th was 4, and on the 17th, 3. I finally got AF on June 22.

Now I've taken three HPT's since Saturday, all are faintly positive. I think I'm about 10DPO today. I have a call in to my OB for Betas, but I'm wondering if you think it's possible that there are still leftover hormones from my m/c, giving me positive tests?

Thanks so much in advance.

Shan

[taraw]

Hi Shanna! I of course am not an expert, but I would think that after AF showed up that your levels would have gone down to zero. I am really hoping that this is a valid pregnancy for you and not leftover hormones!

[Sully130]

Shanna, I'm sure you are pg! With my m/c, it took FOREVER my my numbers to go down (eight weeks, I think). About four weeks after my m/c, I had some bleeding that I thought was AF (though I was pretty much spotting the entire eight weeks), but my levels were still up over 100. After that AF-like episode, they dropped down to the 20s and then slowly went down from that. Point being, yours were SO low when last tested, and then you had AF...and I am SURE they zero'd out at that point. Besides, under 5 is what they usually like anyway (it means you are not pregnant).

I'll be interested to see what these next betas say...but I'm sure you are preggo. Can't wait to officially congratulate you. ;-)

[akwifeandmomma]

Well, my first beta was 8.

I go back in today for a repeat.

[papergirl]

since this is a TTC thread i thought i would post my stats. i am on CD11. i have pretty regular cycles so i am assuming we'll begin BD in about 10 days (CD21). i feel good but i'm trying to stay grounded.

good luck this cycle to those of you trying.

[papergirl]

akwifeandmomma it sounds like you'll have good news to report soon. i'm thinking good thoughts for you.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I am CD 10, my temp is a yo-yo right now, looks like it may be getting up to where it belongs. This cycle will be interesting since Hubby and I will be out every night for the next 2 weeks getting ready for Vacation Bible School, and than the 1 week is VBS. He is busy working on a website for pics and I am doing out daily newspapers to hand out.

[taraw]

.... My level on the 15th was 4, and on the 17th, 3.
Well, my first beta was 8.

Your levels are going back UP, you are PG!! Congratulations. I am so happy for you. And I will be praying for it to stick!! :D

[akwifeandmomma]

My beta more than tripled -- to 34.

Praying that this baby sticks!

Thanks for your support and help.

Shan

[kdotp]

We found out we were pg again last week. We weren't trying.

Now all my symptoms have disappeared. This is the same thing that happened with my last two m/c, so I'm expecting the worst.

At least this way we now qualify for RPL. Three m/c in 9 months is not just "bad luck."

[Bubbas]

Sending lots of sticky vibes to you, Shannon

CONGRATS!!!

[taraw]

Shanna, I am so happy for you!

kdotp, I am praying that this pregnancy sticks for you.

[papergirl]

shannon congratulations! i can't stop smiling for you.

kdopt i'm wishing you the best and really hope the outcome is a good one. please keep us posted.

[LDS Angel 19]

kdotp, (((((hugs)))))

[Ericka_Jarett]

Congrats Shanna

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies. I haven't joined over here since I was pregnant when WC changed everything over. Unfortunately I'm back. I had my second m/c on tuesday. Here's my stats. I'll be back later this weekend to ask lots of questions.

jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sorry to see you back Erinn.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Erinn, I added your stats. Feel free to ask as many questions as you want, we'll do our best to help.

[alliannie]

Congratulations Shannon!

Praying for stickness for you kdotp...

Welcome Erinn and Tara. Sorry you had to join us :(

I havent posted in about a week. I am stilling waiting for AF to come. Its stressing me out that it isnt. I hate hate hate this inbetween stage. I am so scared that something is wrong though I know there isnt. Its been six weeks almost :( . I have also been really upset. I work with a girl that I found out was pregnant the same time as me. I at the time was the only one that knew since she felt comfortable telling me. She is now over 3 months pregnant. I currently cant barely stand to be around her. I am so jealous of her. I think it is horrible that she already has two kids that she doesnt take care of(seriously not just because I am mad they live with her mom) and yet she can get pregnant again. It isnt fair and it makes me so mad. I think feeling like this is normal(at least I hope so). I wanted it so bad and she still doesnt even want it. Its hard. Really hard. I just want to be pregnant again and have it stick so I dont have these mean feelings. :(

[Ericka_Jarett]

Annie,

Your feelings are completely normal.Don't know if I mentioned it but there is a great book out called: Empty Cradle, Broken Heart. I got mine from the library and it really is informative. It tells you what feelings you may have and how they are normal and how to deal with them.

I totally understand what you mean. A friend of mine it pregnant with her 2nd and she had an easy 1st and her 2nd was some sickness, but nothing really bad. I haven't been around hersince the 3rd of July. She is due in November and was already showing at a little over 4 months, enough that I feel a little jealous.

My Rebekah would be due in about 2 weeks had she not been born and passed in April.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies- thought I'd come back and write down a little more about my experience this time around. I think more for my own sanity (I find it very hard to talk about even with family and close friends)- so be prepared for a long drawn out story- feel free to skip it. My first m/c in November was hard, but I seemed to be able to deal with the unknown- chalking it up to just a fluke. It wasn't physically painful, and happened very quickly. This time around I was at a conference 250 miles from home, by myself. I woke up at 3:00 am in pretty bad pain and drove myself to the emergency room. By the time I got there I had already bled through a pad. They took a bunch of blood and I laid there until about 4:30 (except to change pads). I was having really bad cramping and they came in to tell me I was going for an ultrasound (I still hadn't seen a doctor). I went to the bathroom and passed a large amount of stuff in the toilet- about the size of a softball). I told the nurse. She went and looked, said it was just a large clot and flushed it (I'm almost positive now that it was the baby now). I went for the ultrasound. The tech wasn't very friendly- mostly annoyed that she was called in (most likely out of bed) to come deal with me. She told me to remove my underware for the test. I looked at her like she was crazy- I was bleeding through a pad every 30-45 minutes. I told her, and she acted like she didn't believe it. I guess cleaning blood off the floor and the bed afterwards convinced her. Of course, I had to just lay there with the blood running up my back while she very slowly cleaned the floor. I was pretty annoyed. They took me back to my room and the doctor came in about 30 minutes later to give me results. I told him I needed rhogam shot, and he told me I didn't since I had one in November, but that he'd check (what a moron). Of course I ended up getting it about 40 minutes later. When I got up to leave I started getting very lightheaded. I ended up having to stay for another 3 hours to get 2 bags of fluids since I was dehydrated. My blood pressure kept dropping to 70/40 when I'd try and sit up. I'm not convinced that I wasn't actually losing too much blood. I was still bleeding through pads every 45 minutes to an hour, as well as losing large clots and more blood every time I went to the bathroom. Since no one bothered to ask how the bleeding was, they didn't know (I was too stressed to really make the connection). I was finally discharged around 9:30 to go back to my hotel. I got a quick shower and went back to my conference (needed something to take my mind off everything). That afternoon my mom, FIL, DH and DD drove up to spend some time with me. It was nice, but I think the distraction has made it harder to actually deal with everything. I've been running non-stop since it happened, trying not to think about everything. My mom and FIL went back home and DH, DD and I drove home the next night. I was still cramping quite a bit and bleeding pretty heavily- no way I could spend 4-5 hours in the car before then.
I had my repeat blood work yesturday. My betas dropped from 12000 to 1300 in 48 hours. They said it's a good sign that the m/c was complete, and that as of now, I won't need a d&c. I have a follow up appt on Tuesday. What questions should I ask besides the obvious of what the he!! is wrong with me?

alliannie: I have many of the same feelings you do. I almost forgot about them since the first m/c. Now they're back and strong as ever. We went out to eat for lunch today and all I could do is look around and think, why do they get to have child after child, and I don't. The world is definately not a fair place, and it becomes so obvious after this happens.

[papergirl]

thanks for sharing your story erinn.

when i had my m/c it would have been nice to read detailed stories about the experience since i was so confused and felt alone. we had not announced our pregnancy when i had the m/c so i never had anyone to talk to when it happend. for me it started at work and i just thank God it began close to the end of the day. there was so much blood that i just sat in the bathroom for at least an hour. my husband sat in a chair next to me and we just talked and talked. gosh i love my husband.

since i have only had one m/c i can't help you with questions. if possible i would push for testing. i know some doctores don't want to test till you've had three but i would hate to have to go through three for help. that seems so unfair.

what is rhogam and why do you get it?

alliannie: your thoughts are normal. life isn't always fair and sometimes we can't help but to recognize and question this. i hope you find some peace in this situation.


as for me, i am on CD14 and *really* hope this is month but i'm trying to stay grounded. why is that the hard part?

[Ericka_Jarett]

Rebecca,

Rhogam shot is for women that are RH negative in their blood type. The baby could be negative or positive and if you are negative and there is a transfer of blood between you and the baby during delivery, it could cause illness. (This is what the doctor told me when I had to get mine the morning after I gave birth) It's a preventive measure.

[jennylou]

As I understand it, you have a rhogam shot because if you didn't and any blood had transfered, when you got pregnant again, if the baby was RH positive your body would attack the baby.

[kdotp]

Erinn -

I'm so sorry, especially since you had to deal with everything 250 miles away from home. I had a similar experience with my second m/c (though I don't think it was quite a severe as yours but I still had to go to the emergency room because I was bleeding and cramping so heavily).

I think one of the best books I've read, especially for women who have had multiple miscarriages is Coming To Term (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0618277242/qid=1122255207/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_ur_2_1/103-2415032-7395815) by Jon Cohen (who is a writer for many scientific magazines). He and his wife had two miscarriages and the books is all the research and personal stories -- his own and many many others he interviewed -- he did while trying to understand why they kept losing their babies. He compiles all the scientific information he found (which is a lot) and puts it into words and terms anyone can understand. It definitely helped me understand what was going on better than anything else I'd read on miscarriages. It also ends with a good message of hope for couples.

[alliannie]

Thank you for reassuring me I am normal. I am hoping it will get better when I actually get AF.

Erin, thanks for sharing your story. Im so sorry you had to deal with this so far from home. I can only imgaine how hard it was since mine was so hard at home.

[jay&erinn]

I'm hiding out at work (my office is next door to the OB office). I can't go home since I'm so miserable. I don't want to be like that in front of DD- she's too young to understand. My doctor's appt was miserable. They won't do any testing until I have a third m/c. The doctor told me that even though two m/cs are emotionally difficult, that's it's not considered medically significant. Gee, Thanks- let me tell you how insignificant it feels :mad: . The doc said that the baby probably stopped developing well before the miscarriage and my body probably didn't notice. I wanted to tell her that I know my body better than she does, and that I can be almost sure that this pregnancy was basically normal through 9-10 weeks. About 10 weeks is when my symptoms started changing and I started to think things were wrong. The only thing they will recommend is to have an ultrasound at 8 weeks next time around to see how things are developing. Unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better. My first m/c showed a strong heartbeat and normal measurements at 6 weeks and I miscarried 5 days later. I really hate this. I just want some answers.

[JAYLIN]

Erinn, I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. It never seems fair! I just wanted to tell you that you're not the only one with doctors that feel this way. I had a normal,wonderful 1st preg. but then had 2 m/cs after that (the 2nd was twins@12wks, needed d&e) Had a DD with my 4th preg and then had another missed m/c with my 5th pregnancy. After all this my doctors are still tell me that they really feel nothing is "wrong" with me because I am obviously able to have healthy pregnancies.

My last doc that I talked to said it's very involved to start all the testing and I should just wait. If I lose the next pregnancy that she will definately start the testing. But she did recommend that as soon as I get preg again that she would start me on progesterone regardless of whether or not that's my problem......she said if I would go to a specialist they would just put me on it anyway. So I do feel better that they are going to do SOMETHING! And I also get to have an ultrasound at 7wks to check things.

So maybe you can ask your doc about the progesterone? I have no idea if it will do you or me any good, but it can't hurt right?

And I guess if you are really upset with the way they are handling things you could probably switch docs, I'm sure there's gotta be doctors out there who think 2m/cs is enough to start testing of some kind.

I just keep telling them, I don't want to have to be pregnant 15times to have 4 children!!!!!

LOL!

[jay&erinn]

Jaylin: I'm sorry you've had to go through so much. I feel the same way you do- How many times do I have to get pregnant before I can have the 2-3 children we've talked about having. It's very frustrating. I also don't want to have to fight the age factor that is slowly creeping up on me. I know I could get lucky and get pregnant quickly, but it's taken me 4-6 months to get pregnant each of the first 3 times. At this rate I'll be in my mid thirties trying to have my third child. I know that timing is right for a lot of women, but I can't work part time forever and still afford retirement and college educations. I wanted to have my kids close together, and then when they were school age, go back full time to help with the financial load. Nothing like nature throwing a wrench in our plans.
How have you managed to make it through another pregnancy after the two miscarriages? I'm so afraid to get pregnant again- I can't imagine how stressful it's going to feel the next time around.

[kdotp]

A lot of times with RPL testing with only 2 m/c, it's not always the Doctor that won't agree to do it, but the insurance that won't cover it. It is a very expensive and lengthy testing process, so many Doctors do prefer to wait until 3 when it is covered by most insurance. It sucks, I know. If it's really an issue, get a second opinion. See if your OB knows an RE that can do some preliminary mid-cycle testing (progesterone, etc...) that won't be as expensive/time-consuming as a full RPL panel but can still maybe give you an insight as to what's going on.

[papergirl]

erinn and jaylin - huggs. a m/c can be so hard and to have to follow that with difficult medical treatment.

minor complaing - when i got pregnant i was VERY scared of having a m/c so we did not tell anyone. we were waiting for 11 weeks and i m/c at just over 8 - so no one knew. very few people still know. well we live in new york but dh is from ohio. last week he went home and over drinks with his best friend he mentioned the m/c and i guess his friend was a bit upset for not having knows i was even pregnant. dh's mother had the SAME reaction when dh had told her about the m/c. has anyone else experienced this (assuming you didn't tell close family and friends that you were pregnant)? i just find it hurtful that people are upset they didn't know. there IS a reason doctors suggest not mentioning your pregnant till after the first trimester. i want to say to these people something mean like "i'm sorry i was selfish and didn't tell you sooner. sorry that's what's making you upset. not the fact that we lost a child but the fact that we didn't tell you." ugh!

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi everyone.. I've been a little MIA lately, work is kicking my butt. Thanks for keeping our thread going.


Huge (((((HUGS))))) to Erinn. Thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine how it felt to go through all of that alone. You're very strong.


Hi everyone else, I just don't have the energy for full SOs tonight. I hope you're all having a peaceful evening.

[Nigellas]

Erinn, Your story gave me shivers- I’m so sorry you went through that- How scary and sad.

Kdotp – I’m hoping for the best for you- How are things?

And as for me, I’ve got my CD 14 ultrasound scheduled for Friday- If my follicles are ready I’ll be getting my trigger shot then. This is our third cycle on Femara and I'm getting a little antsy waiting for a BPT...

[kdotp]

Nigellas, thanks for asking. I'm doing okay. AFAIK, I'm still pg -- 6w6d. No spotting or anything, which is amazing to me. I've never made it this far without spotting. Just the sudden decrease of symptoms last week. Now that I'm really paying attention to my body, I can tell there are some, they're just more subtle. I talked to DH about my feelings (nervous, scared, uncertain -- especially since we had decided to wait to TTC and then this happens) and that helped a lot. My first OB appointment isn't for another 4 weeks which is frustrating, but DH and I have come to accept that whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

I hope you have some good follies growing in there.

[papergirl]

kdopt: after your previous post a few days back i just assumed the worse, it didn’t occur to me until today’s post that you are still pg. i am so happy for you. i got all excited when i read you reply to nigellas. i am wishing you all the best. this is very exciting.

[jay&erinn]

kdotp: Congrats on making it this far. Sending you as many sticky vibes as I can. You really have to wait until 10 weeks to see your OB? That's really stressful after 2 previous miscarriages. Hopefully the time will fly by.

Nigellas: Good luck Friday! What happens after your trigger shot?

My mood has improved significantly the past day- thankfully. I think everything has just been so tramatic this time around. The first one I seemed to "bounce back" much easier, I think all the emotions this time around took me by surprise and I just couldn't control them.
I'm not OK with having to wait for another m/c, but certainly understand why. I think I just wish something could be done. Not thousands of dollars of testing, but just closer monitoring the next time and possibly progesterone supplements to rule that out. We'll see.
My boss' cousin is an OB at the major women's hospital in the area, and he wants me to page him tomorrow. Not sure where that conversation will lead, but we'll see. I really like 5 of the 7 OBs at my current practice (I just happened to have to see one of the ones I don't care for yesturday, and I think that was part of the problem), so I don't necessarily want to go elsewhere. I may call one of the docs I'm more comfortable in my current practice just for peace of mind.

[jay&erinn]

Meant to SO to bumble: That's crap about your family. It's amazing how selfish everyone can be. We had a similar reaction the first time around. We didn't tell our families (except for my mom :o - I had to tell someone), so when DH called to tell his parents, his mom said, "oh, we didn't even know she was pregnant." Not how are we, is there anything you need, etc. Oh well- some people just can't see past themselves.

[JAYLIN]

KDOTP.....I really hope these next few weeks go by really fast for you, I know how hard it is to wait for that 1st doc appt.!!!

ERINN....I'm really glad you are starting to feel a little bit better. I can definately relate to the 2nd m/c being so traumatic. The first one I just chalked up to bad luck, bad things just happen. My DS was only 7 mos and I didn't feel the time crunch as much. But the second time just blew me away. I NEVER expected it to happen 2 times in a row, and to be so close to the end of the 1st trimester, it just all seemed so cruel. I wanted my children all close in age, and as you put it "mother nature" was just screwing up all my plans!

I've always told my family with every pregnancy around 8wks and it just seems to keep comming back to haunt me. Everytime I get preg my DH doesn't want to tell anyone, but I always say to him that it's so unfair to the baby that we can't be excited about him, I refuse to be that way. So everytime I can't hold it in and I tell people. Plus I figure, especially with the family, if something does go wrong at least I have all of their support because they did know about it.

The 4th preg I worried about it up until she was born. I was excited and thrilled but constantly worried.

The 5th preg, it almost seemed too good to be true. DD was only 4mos old, they would have been so close in age. I almost expected the worst, so when it happened I was almost prepared for it. As bad as it sounds, it gets easier with each loss. Not that I'm not crushed, but emotionally I don't (or can't) get attached anymore.

With my next preg (god willing) I don't know how I'm going to react. I know I'll be excited and I keep telling myself that I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm out of my 1st trimester....but I'm sure I won't be able to do that. I just think I have the mentality at this point of expecting the worst and I everything does go well it's just a fluke........It sucks to have to be this way, but I don't think I have any other choice...

So I've babbled on long enough, I hope you'll find the strength to stay strong and not give up hope!

And I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'm 7 DPO with little hope that this month worked (BDing 1 time during the "right time" doesn't exactly cover our bases) but ya never know.....I'm looking for a miracle here!

[papergirl]

jaylin thanks for sharing your experience. no one wants to hear that someone had a m/c but when you do it's comforting to know that other people get by. that it will be ok. maybe not ideal but ok. your story was similar in some of my thoughts and i appreciate you sharing it. thanks again.

today i got a +OPK. it looks like i will O a whole 5 days earlier then expected. i guess my body is still reajusting from the m/c (which was in june so it make sense). i don't normally do OPK tests but have since the m/c. i figured things might be funny. thank goodness or we would have missed my window. i wasn't going to start the BD fest till sunday and by then i will have O'd. i'm trying to think good things.

[crazycaro]

I miscarried yesterday. :(

It was a very early miscarriage.

When does it get easier?

Caroline

[Ericka_Jarett]

So sorry Caroline.

[LDS Angel 19]

(((HUGS)))) for you, Caroline. It will get easier with time, but that 'when' can be very diffrent for everyone.

[papergirl]

caroline i am so sorry to hear about your loss.

i agree with the other posters... the healing time for everyone differs so i can only speak for me. personally, i was able to sense my m/s so i think i grieved a lot before it even happend. when it finally did i was numb and cried really hard every few days. in between that i was just sad and numb. after two weeks i felt "good." most days i was ok and then out the blue i would have a bad day. it happened again when i got my period. that was hard for me. i was two months when i m/c and i think they only thing that keeps my spirits up on most days it that we are trying again.

take as much time as you need. it's ok to be sad, mad and upset with the world. we are here for you if you need anything.

rebecca

[karlatta]

Welcome, Caroline. I'm so sorry to see you here.

It does get better, over time. Although the amount of time that it takes will be different for everyone. I miscarried at 8 weeks in January. I didn't spend days and weeks crying about it then, but at 4w2d, the doctor told me my baby probably wouldn't live.

However, I cry about it now. I have days where the pain of losing my daughter is gut-wrenching. I think it's normal. I just try to take every day in stride and know that there are other things coming to me in my future. It hurts to have lost my baby, but I try to have hope. It's the only way I know to survive.

[Nigellas]

Caroline, again I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to believe, but it does get easier. The pain is always there, but it becomes less consuming - at least that's how it's worked for me. One of my MCs was pretty early too, and I had a problem with people being dismissive of my pain because it was so early - I'm not sure if that's happen to you or not, but I wanted to let you know that it is a terrible thing, the loss of a child- no matter when it happens.

[LDS Angel 19]

I found this on another Loss board I lurk at....

October 15th: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day (www.october15th.com)

That's slightly ironic, Oct 15th was my due date. Anyway I'm contemplating getting one of thier angel decals for my car.

[jay&erinn]

Caroline: Welcome, and I'm sorry you're joining us. It does get better. I think it's different for everyone. It's taken me about a week to feel mostly better, but I'm not sure how long it'll take until I'll feel really normal (where I don't think about it at least once a day). Keep talking about it, it definately helps.

JAYLIN: It only takes one time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Bumble: Coongrats on the + OPK. Keep us posted.

We had a nice weekend over here. DH and I went out with some friends- something we rarely do. I did, however, find out a comment that was made about my m/c that I'm not sure how to take. My mom and MIL are good friends. My MIL was really proud of the fact that she and my SIL figured out I was pregnant before we told them (why they felt it was necessary to let us know they figured out our secret while I'm in the process of m/cing is beyond me). Well, my MIL told my mom that when she told my SIL (did you follow all of that?) that I m/c'd that she commented that Oh, now she feels guilty. I'm trying to figure out why she feels guilty. Unfortunately the only answers I can come up with are not nice ones (my MIL and SIL are big gossipers and most of what they say is not very nice). Were they joking about my last m/c, where they wishing it would happen again, what? I guess the hard times show you who really cares.

[alliannie]

I got a bill in the mail today. Its from the pathology lab and is for tissue being tested. Do you think my dr. had the tissue tested from my d&c? He never said anything to me about it so I am sort of confused. If it is from that I am very curious that what was discovered and if not I want to know what was tested. Is there something else they do normally?

[papergirl]

erinn your post breaks my heart. why are people so mean? i am sincerely sorry you had to hear that. i just can't believe people. huggs!

annie i have no comments on the bill.. i'm clueless. sorry that i'm of no help.

as for me... i got the +OPK dayS ago but still have not O'd. i am so frustrated. last night when i temped i wanted to cry. is it normally to get a +OPK for five days?? i'm chalking it up to the saying the "you're really fertile after a m/c." hopefully i O'd today and will see a temp jump tonight. sunday was the last day we BD and at this point we are worn out since i thought i would O sunday or monday at the latest. gosh this TTC can be frustrating.

[jay&erinn]

Annie: I never had a D&C, but if you were fairly far along (i think past about 8-10 weeks), they may have been able to run some tests on the tissue. Before that (and I may be very wrong about the time frame) there isn't enough tissue to test anything. I think they can try and check DNA for abnormalities, but I'm not sure. My 1st m/c was too early to test anything, and this one the nurse didn't think it was important enough to save (she thought it was just a large clot)- I was almost 12 weeks. I don't know if they can find out anything else other than genetic abnormalities.

bumble: I don't know much about charting. Maybe check out one of the TTC with charting threads and pull on some of their knowledge- they seem to be great at cracking the codes of charting. I'm hoping you give up that egg soon.

[kdotp]

Bumble, I'm confused. You say you temped last night? When charting, you temp in the morning *right* after you wake up and before you do anything else. That gives you the most accurate BBT (basal body temp), otherwise it fluctuates during the day.

Did you use OPKs before getting pg? From what I understand, OPKs are only positive when the test line is noticibly darker than the control line. And the best time to get your surge is in the afternoon. Plus, you can't drink or go to the bathroom for four hours before testing on one. I think most women suggest taking one around 11ish and another around 3-4 to best catch the surge. And it is totally possible that your body keeps gearing up to O, thereby signaling the surge, but just hasn't quite gotten there yet. A positive OPK doesn't always guarantee an O, it just says one is possibly going to happen in the next 36-48 hours.

HTH.

[lissy]

Hi everyone. I'd like to join too. I had a miscarriage on Sunday(and a d&c Tuesday). I might be lurking more than I post here but I just wanted to say how nice it is to know there are others who are feeling what I feel and have gone through some similar experiences since it's hard to talk to friends/family about this. Here are my stats:


Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year

[papergirl]

kdopt Technically yes, I temp in the morning. I don’t temp when I wake up but actually in the middle of the night when it’s early morning (hence why I used the word night since it’s in the middle of my sleep). I’m sorry to be so confusing. I guess it would help if I could verbalize my words, right? ;)

Also, I use Clear Blue Easy Digital OPK tests, which have the highest rating by Consumer Reports. The package says to only test once a day so that’s what I do. Plus they are so expensive but I prefer them since the test tells me “yes I have a surge or no.” There is no reading of lines and is this darker then that. It’s either yes or no – very easy and again, supposedly the most reliable. I guess I’m just over reacting. I hear so many women talk as if they get a +OPK one day, maybe two. So when I got a +OPK five days in a row I was just taken back. Clearly 5 days is longer then 48 hours, you know? Needless to say I have since O’d so now I’m in the 2WW.

I’ve been charting for a while and have read TCOYF so I’m actually more knowledgeable about charting then I sound in my posts but sorry for sounding like such a dimwit. I’m sure I had you rubbing your head. :(

Thanks for helping.

lissy I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. If you need anything please let us know.

Rebecca

[Ericka_Jarett]

Temping is for after you have had at least 6 hours of sleep. Bumble, do you have that much time in before temping? Funny when I temp it's usually when hubby gets up for his shower, for the heck of it one day I temped after walking around for a bit and it was the exact same temp. When I fall back asleep I temp to see what it says and it's been about .5 over what it is first in the am.

[jennylou]

Actually, all you need is three hours of continuous sleep to get an accurate temp.

Cycle 1 was a bust, on to cycle 2 now.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks Jenny

Weird, every site I read said 6 hours. Learn something new all the time.


I'm presently CD 26, DPO 3, at least that was the update my chart made this morning.

Someone asked me last night at VBS, how I was doing that she has been praying for me this week. Aside from the fact that I was vacation Bible school director, but also my baby girl, Rebekah's EDD is this Sunday. It's so surrel to me still, some days are tough and only the Lord can get me through, other times I don't even think about it much. I laid in bed yesterday and her whole birth flooded my brain. Told hubby I think this week coming up will head to NY to see my mom and have my yard sale. Just need to get away from it all.

[jennylou]

Ericka - Good luck this week. Milestones are tough. I agree with FF and would peg you at 3 dpo, good luck to you!

[LDS Angel 19]

welcome, lissy. I hope you're doing alright. I know what you mean about having people to talk to. Feel free to share whatever you want here.

All this charting talk is really interesting to me. I'm getting into it too now, for the first time. (Well, I bought a thermometer in Februrary, temped for like 4 days and got my BFP... :rolleyes: )
Anyway AF has made her return, so I started a fresh chart. I am pretty sure we will TTA this cycle, just to let ourselves relax a bit and give my body more time too.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

[papergirl]

ericka i hope this week isn't to hard on you. i'll keep you in my thoughts since i'm sure this is a very tough time.

and as jenny said, you need three hours of sleep to get an accurate temp. have you read TCOYF? it's not the most interesting thing to read but its very informative and states you need three hours. as does the FF site. i temp at 4:30am and usually go to sleep around 11pm. so i get about a good 5 hours of sleep. even if i have a hard time getting to sleep (which happens at least two nights a week) or if i got to bed late (which happens another two nights a week) i can still get three hours in and take my temp at the same time every night. takeing the temp at the same time seems to be key so i am very consistent with this. i set the alarm on my cell phone to go off. it has a light ring that isn't to loud and doesn't jolt me out of bed. it works for me and seems to be the best for my body.

Jenny good luck with cycle two. i'm cheering for you.

i am at 4DPO. thus far i'm doing good. not obsessing too much though i also don't feel like anything is going on. 8 more days of waiting.

[kdotp]

Okay Bumble that helps explain things. :) Personally, I've never used OPKs (I've looked and you're right, they are expensive), that's just what I've read other ladies who have used them say.

Good luck in the 2ww.

[Nigellas]

Lissette - I'm so very sorry about your loss. We are here to listen if you need to talk, screram, cry - Whatever.
(((HUGS)))

[Ericka_Jarett]

Welcome Lissette

Yesterday was Rebekah's EDD, it was an ok day, handled it better than I thought I would. More details of yesterday are in my journal if interested.

[JAYLIN]

So Sorry that you have to join us LISSETTE, but welcome.

ERICKA, I'm glad yesterday wasn't horrible...many thought and prayers are with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm just sitting here annoyed, in limbo. I'm on CD 31, no AF, no BFP.....I've testing about 20xs (I know, I'm obsessive about it) Either I'm pregnant or I'm not! Lets get things moving here...where is AF???

UGGHH, I hate this!!!

[Sully130]

Just wanted to say to Ericka that I'm glad the day wasn't too awful. I know that must have been hard. I know I'm dreading my upcoming due date. But in a way, I look at it as a chance to move on to the next stage--whatever that may be.

Maybe this cycle will be it for you. :)

Lissette, welcome to you. I'm so sorry you have to join this community.

-------
I am currently just starting my first 2WW since my loss. It's interesting. If I am pregnant, my testing date would be the day before or the day of my due date (August 20). Not sure how I feel about that. But I guess it would be nice to have a positive during that very difficult time. There are just such a wide range of emotions.

[Bubbas]

Just wanted to say to Ericka that I'm glad the day wasn't too awful. I know that must have been hard. I know I'm dreading my upcoming due date. But in a way, I look at it as a chance to move on to the next stage--whatever that may be.

I hated the fact that I wasn't pg by my due date but you're right in that it is a chance to move on. For me, it was the last stage or milestone to get through before being able to look forward.

Good luck in your 2ww!!

[jennylou]

sully - isn't it interesting how we relate anything ttc automatically to our angels? If we conceive this cycle, we'll be due about two weeks before Andrew's birthday.

[Sully130]

jenny - yes, I find it interesting how more than 15 weeks later, my life still revolves around my distance from that horrible event in my life. I'm constantly thinking how many weeks it has been, and I wonder when my life will not be measured in relativity to that day. I made the mistake (because it just gets me all the more excited and dreamy about it all) of checking to see what my due date would be if we conceived this cycle and was almost scared to see it's in April, a week after Hannah's birthday. I don't know why that freaks me out. Does it scare you?

Thanks for the luck Bubbas. I need it.

[Bubbas]

sully - isn't it interesting how we relate anything ttc automatically to our angels? If we conceive this cycle, we'll be due about two weeks before Andrew's birthday.

I got pg the same cycle exactly 1 year after my first pregnancy. My due dates were 2 weeks apart.

I thank my angel son all the time for giving his life so that we could have Zachary.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sully,

Thanks for the post.
I know what you mean about being a little scared. I did the due date thing too and 2 times I got the EDD of 4/18 which was when Rebekah was born. It's good in a sense though. Getting a BFP this month and having an April baby, where I was suppose to have an August baby but had her in April instead.

I will be thinking of you as Hannah's EDD arrives. I pray that you will have an easy time of it and that it will not overwhelm you. My pastor's wife said you know you will always miss the little one that went on before us, but be healthy and strong to carry the next baby, that way your little one in Heaven can rejoice over her little brother or sister. When the time is right my children will learn about their big sister Rebekah who is in Heaven watching over them and rejoicing in their life. I know Rebekah's having fun up in Heaven with Hannah and all the other babies that are up there. Remember our girls have their ballet shoes on and are dancing for Jesus.

I constantly think to myself, I made it this far, I can go all the way now. Rebekah took a piece of my heart with her the day she was born. My heart is big enough for other babies as well. I think of you ladies often in my prayers. May we all be blessed with special little bundles again, that our little ones in Heaven can rejoice over.

[LyLMyssChaos]

I just want to send hugs and spread lots of good luck vibes to all you ladies!! As a grad of this thread from that other site(we lost our second child at 15 weeks and delivered our 3rd this past April,) there is hope, and I know that you all will be the greatest mommies ever, more so now because you will know just how precious that little one is and how lucky you will be to have it with you!!! I will be lurking and cheering you on!!

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka- Glad to hear your day was not as bas as you expected. I hope for all of us as the milestones go by that it gets a little easier.

Sully- Good luck in the 2ww.

Gosh do I know what you girls mean about life and ttc being mesured by the dates of our angels. I confess, I have a ticker for Allison's birthday, but I also still have my pregnancy ticker. Not that I need it, I know of the top of my head that today would be 30wks3dys.
I am terrified of my duedate. But Ericka's expierance gives me a little hope.

Thanks LMC for stopping in. It's stories like yours that give me hope.



We went to look at markers for Allison yesterday. Didn't have much luck. They wanted $856.(!) They were trying to talk us into an 16x20 stone that would have to be turned sideways to fit on the plot. Ugh. Sort of insane. And it just makes the whole thing even more real, I guess. The only things I get to buy for my daugther are a casket and a grave marker.

Sorry for being so depressing, but this week is off to a really rough start.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Michelle, did I ever give you the info for the marker? I posted a pic of it in my journal as well.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka- Yeah, I asked you for it and you PM'ed it to me. Thanks. I am seriously considering getting the same one that you have if nothing else works out. It's a beautiful marker.

[Ericka_Jarett]

thanks. Just wanted to make sure I sent it to you. They are easy to work with and the size is perfect.

[papergirl]

AF poked her head in today. I’m disappointed but doing ok. Not like last cycle where I was angry and visibly upset for three days. However, I pretty much guessed nothing was going on a few days ago, got depressed and did shed a few tears.

I’ve decided that this cycle I need to step back. I’m still going to temp but I’m going to try and avoid the pregnancy threads, which are adding to my obsession. I need to stop obsessing, to stop being so disappointed when it doesn’t happen. I’ve finally reached that point were I’m not excited when I hear news that other people are pregnant. I don’t want to be like this.

ericka Your post to sully was beautifully written.

michelle I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

[Ericka_Jarett]

bumble,

Thank you for the compliment. Unfortunately, Sully and I share a common bond in a sense. In case you didn't know, we both lost our daughters the same week. I had my Rebekah on Monday and she got her bad news that day. She delivered on Friday of the same week, we were about 1 week and a few days apart with gestational age, plus both of us were on the August thread together.

Hoping all is going well Sully. (Prays for you)

[excitedbride]

Hi everyone. I am so sorry for not keeping up with this thread. But we are now able to ttc, after what seems like forever! Af started yesterday and I can start the clomid tomorrow.

[Sully130]

Thanks Ericka for your kind words the other day (and again Saturday). I agree, Hannah certainly took a piece of my heart too.

I would have stopped in earlier but I've been a bit frustrated the past week. Actually, I've been extremely frustrated. My body is very messed up and I just don't know what to do about it. I started lightly bleeding at 3DPO and it has continued ever since (I'm 9DPO today and might be starting AF today). So I'm pretty bummed.

But I realized this weekend that I never had my postpartum exam (I went for just a consult with my specialist) and I know my insurance will cover it without my having to jump through hoops for a referral. I just love health insurance. Ugh. Anyway, so I scheduled an appointment for tomorrow afternoon...hopefully AF will stay away.

We found out last week my DH will be leaving in mid-October for 3.5 months for military training. That of course gives us all kinds of pressure to be pregnant by then...but I just don't feel confident that it will happen with my body being so obviously messed up hormonally.

My due date is just around the corner, on Saturday. My mom and I are planning a trip to see her mom and sisters. My husband is on a short deployment, so I think it will be good to get out of town and try to get my mind on something else. We'll see how that goes.

excitedbride - Good luck on your first TTC cycle.

bumble, I'm sorry about the last cycle. I've been trying to step away from it all too. It's hard not to obsess.

LDS Angel - I hope your week got better. That must be so hard looking for grave markers. We had our DD cremated and part of the reason was because I knew how hard all of that would have been.

[jennylou]

sully - I'm sorry that you are going through a rough patch lately. :( I am sending you tons of good vibes that you will get pregnant again before your DHs deployment. Good luck at the doctor tomorrow.

[LDS Angel 19]

bumble, good luck this cycle. I hope you can relax a little, but I know how hard it can be.

excitedbride, Good luck to you too! Don't worry about keeping up, just stop in when you can.

Sully, Thanks. It did, a little. I hope your appt. goes well and you can get things figured out with your cycle.


As for me, We had a nice relaxing weekend which I terribly needed. I am SO ready for our anniversary trip in three weeks. DH and I talked about TTC and I think we are on the same page now. I just have to relax more and let nature take over for awhile I think.

Hope everyone is well, happy monday.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies. I haven't been around much lately- work has been keeping me so busy that there's no lunch let alone any computer time :( . Guess it's good to be productive there.

We went away with family a few weekends ago- it was nice, but hard to be around my cousin who is due next month with her second. We also found out the day before we left that good friends of ours had their second baby. As if it's not stressful enough, I have to be happy for everyone else.

We spent this past weekend with DH's family. I've kind of distanced myself from them since the guilty comment my SIL made. I heard so many nasty things said about my other SIL (by the other SIL and MIL) in the few hours we spent with them, that I can just imagine what's said about me when I'm not around. Life's too short to be that mean, especially to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Question: For those of you that lost babies late in pregnancy or already have other children, have you kept your nurseries if they were finished? We'll be moving DD into our current room in a few months when the addition on the house is done. I'm torn on what to do. I don't want to give up hope on another baby, but don't know if I can handle seeing that room without a baby in it. Because of a lack of storage space, the room has to keep the baby swing, crib and exersaucer in plain view. It's just a constant reminder. The only other real options are to sell the stuff (a stupid move financially if we do end up getting pregnant again and it going to term). Just looking for some other experiences.

I've started spotting again. I'm not sure what's up. My first m/c I bled for 10 days and then AF came 30 days from the start of the m/c. This time I bled/spotted for two and a half weeks- finally stopped last Monday and started spotting again yesturday. I'm not sure if AF is trying to show up, or if it's my body all out of wack. Guess time will tell.

LDS Angel 19: Where are you going for your anniversary trip? DH and I wanted to get away this fall, but with a few weddings and family obligations, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.

sully: Good luck at your appt. Hope AF stays away for you and you can get some answers. I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

excitedbride: Good luck TTC!!!

bumble: Sorry about AF. I'm not sure how I'll feel when she shows up around here. With the last m/c I was relieved to get to try again- this time I think I'll be more afraid and sad.

[Ericka_Jarett]

X-posted from Seeing and Charting

I am out this cycle looks like for sure. AF showed her ugly face yesterday while I was on CD 35, DPO 12. Took a test got a negative, and than about 2 hours later she showed up. Totally bummed about it too. Had a good cry about it, since I would have loved to have gotten a positive this month. Maybe the Lord was sparing me though. Rebekah would have been turning 1 in April on the 18th and that was the day that kept coming up when I did the due date calculator if I was pregnant this cycle. Didn't have O pain like last month so not even totally sure I did O anyway. Oh well, on to next cycle, hubby will like all the extra BDing anyway I am sure. A May baby would be nice, heck at this point any month baby would be nice. My arms are aching. I told my mom, a friend of mine wants us over for dinner, now it will be after her mom leaves in 2 weeks. But she is pregnant and due in November (around her other son's 2nd b-day) and I just can't be around her right now. I love her like a sister (I don't have any) but I just can't do it. My mom said well take the time for yourself, that my friend will have to understand. (My mom knows my friend and her family) It's hard though.

To answer your question Erinn, (not that I had a nursery set up, since she was going to stay in our room, but I had the dresser filled with her items already) I would just keep the items and just move them to the side if possible (is the crib set up or still apart?) Could maybe you get a storage unit or even your parents or IL's hold the items for you? I know what you mean about getting rid of them and the finality of it all. My mom bought me our bouncer, pack and play, bassinett and several other items and I had a tote of clothes and jars of food. (the items mom bought are tucked away in a closet in the living room, the clothes are in the top of my closet and the food (good til 2007 and 2008) is under my bed in a tote. Sorry I can't help more.

[jennylou]

ericka - sorry about AF.

erinn - We had things throughout the house for Andrew. Like his bouncer in the living room, bath in the bathroom, etc. We had many people over after he died, and someone very kindly picked up all the stuff (including things like What to Expect When You're Expecting, Happiest Baby on The Block, parenting magazines, etc) and put them in the nursery. Everything still sits as it was, the items they collected throughout the house are lined up in front of the window. One day, I will go in there and organize everything, I've just not have had it in me at this point. The crib is still up and all his little clothes are still hanging in the closet. At some point, as I said, I will go in there and put things away where I'd like them, but I'm in no hurry. That bedroom door stays closed for the most part.

[LDS Angel 19]

Good morning Ladies.

Erin We're going to Toronto. It's only a few hours drive from where we live. I am so excited to just get out of town and relax. How are you doing? Has the spotting stopped?
To answer your question, I didn't have a room set up yet, but we had accumlated quite a few outfits and some other small items. They got boxed up when we moved a week after she was born, and the box sits unopend in a corner of the second bedroom/someday nursery. I can't wait to open it again.

Ericka Sorry about AF. I'm cheering for both of us for September.


As for me- I'm not sure I'm getting the hang of this charting thing. My temps have been all over the place. But it's alright. I've decided I'm not in a hurry, yet. I want to get Allison's marker ordered, and hopefully placed soon, I guess for a little bit of closure.

I have a question- Have any of you changed OBs/hospitals since your loss? This is something I am struggling with a little bit. I don't know if I can bring myself to go back to the hosptial where we lost Allison. A good friend of mine recommened me her OB and hospital. Her hospital specializes/is better prepared for high risk pregnancies and deliveries. I like my OB, but she's not affiliated with that hospital. I'm not sure what to do.

[Bubbas]

I have a question- Have any of you changed OBs/hospitals since your loss?

I most definitely switched OBs after my loss because I still blame him for not doing what he should have done to check if my water had broken. As it turns out, my new OB is in the same building but they are so much better and took great care of me during my second pregnancy.

I didn't have to worry about the hospital because I was out of town when I delivered my angel.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I thought about it, but I like 3 of the doctor's that I saw, didn't care for the other one. I will only make appointments with the 3 doctors (Siegel, Lambourne and Agar) and not the other one (Chao). One doctor (Lambourne) told me that if I call with an emergency again, to tell the receptionist you want a doctor to talk to immediately and you will wait on the phone, don't let them call me back. When I explained that it took almost 3 hours for a return call, the doctor (Agar) said she was going to talk to the office about that, it shouldn't have happened that way. I talked with Lambourne and asked her if I would have to see just a nurse if I came in again, she said definately not. Tell them you want to see a doctor not the nurse. Apparently she was told that I was examined the day I delivered but at my follow-up with her, I told her I wasn't checked because the nurse said there was too much fluid. Not that having gotten checked would have changed anything but she would have been able to get a culture done on me immediately.

I am going to be more in control of what happens with the next pregnancy. I told her that she can expect many phone calls all the time with every little thing, she said that's ok, do it if you need to.

[jennylou]

I will not be changing docs. However, our case is a bit different, since clearly, they were in no way at fault for what happened. There was no way humanly possible to foresee Andrew's death, he was a healthy baby at birth. As for the hospital, it is the one closest to where we live and we were treated wonderfully while we were there. I'm not going to say that it wasn't hard to go back because it was (we went for the autopsy results and had to go to L&D). I'm sure it will always be a sad memory. That said, I don't want room 9 again.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Ladies, just bumping us up a bit...

Thanks for you thoughts on changing doctors. I am pretty sure that I am going to change. I'm going to call my friend today and ask for her Dr's number.

Still not really getting this charting stuff. I know it dosen't help that I don't wake up at 6:30 on weekends to temp, and I've had a cold the past 3 or 4 days so I'm sure that's screwed up my temps too. But FF now seems to think I O'd way back on CD13. Who knows. :rolleyes: I'm already ready for the next cycle to start.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

[jay&erinn]

Changing docs: I considered it when they told me they wouldn't do anything after the second m/c and that the next pregnancy would basically be treated the same except for an earlier ultrasound. After talking to the nurse, she reassured me that they would do blood work and I'd be followed more closely the next time around. I'll just request to see one of the docs in the practice that I really like (3 out of 7 I really like). There are only 2 that I don't like and I had to see one of them after both of my m/cs.

The spotting turned into AF. I guess that's good. At least I know my body's somewhat on track again. Only having 6 days without some form of bleeding over the past month is getting a little old though. Now that I'm officially allowed to TTC again, I'm really nervous (petrified, is more like it). It's taken us between 4-6 months to get pregnant each time, so I don't want to wait, but if I get pregnant right away, I think I'll really be paniced. Why is it never easy?

LDS Angel: Did you go away, or is that still coming up? We have friends that live north of Toronto. It's a great city. I'd love to go explore it more, but Niagra Falls is a nice in between spot, so we usually meet them there.

[karlatta]

Changing Doctors - I am still with the same RE that I had when I miscarried. I never made it to seeing the OB with my pregnancy.

My first appointment after the miscarriage was in the same room and with the same nurse that we had the day of the ultrasound where we discovered our baby had died. And the appointment was another ultrasound. It was terribly hard, but the nurse was very understanding. The RE has since moved to a new building, and the nurse has left (she was PG and had a child), so I don't have those physical reminders every time I have an appointment. But it's still hard.

[papergirl]

Hi girls.

As I previously posted, I am trying to avoid the pregnancy threads this cycle and so far so good. I've been thinking a little less about TTC and how bad I want it, which I think I really need at this point.

Anyhow, I did want to pop in and see what everyone was up to. Once a week is OK, right?

LDS Angel: The times I wake up are very different on weekdays and weekends. What I ended up doing is temping early morning and then going back to sleep. So I temp at 4:30am all week and then go back to sleep and it works good. Maybe this is an option for you? I have a cell phone and use the alarm on there. I was able to pick a ring tone for the alarm and I picked one that is very low in sound so it's not blaring. This also means I don't have to reset my normal alarm.

[jennylou]

LDS - I seem to naturally wake up to pee every morning at the same time. That's when I temp. Then I'll go back to sleep. You may also want to try OPKs and check CM. That would give a more complete look to your chart.

[excitedbride]

Keeping with jay&erinn:

I am so scared right now. I am on clomid, CD10 and I am just petrified! I so badly want to be pg right now. But I am so afraid of something happening again. (this is our first cycle ttc after the m/c). I could just cry right now. Part of this is because I have some cavaities to be filled, and I heard somewhere that they can cause a m/c. I posted about it and have gotten some great responses. But I just want to get them taken care ASAP. Last time I was on Clomid I O'ed on CD16, so I need to get this done this week. Only problem, I don't have dental insurance. I have a Dr.s appt. Thursday, ( a clomid check) and I will ask her then. But I just can't help but feel like that maybe had something to do with the last m/c. I hadn't been to the dentist in 2 years! I hope you guys don't think I am crazy!

My sil who has been trying to have children for three years now is pg, with twins.

[jennylou]

I have never heard that about cavities. Never fear, you can even have them filled while pregnant.

[Sully130]

excitedbride - I haven't heard that about cavities either. I honestly think that sometimes there is too much information out there and a lot of it is speculation. That's why the internet can be so dangerous! Try not to stress too much about it and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. Good luck on this cycle. I know it's scary to get back in the "game," so to speak.

LDS - I do the same thing as jennylou, I get up to go to the bathroom every morning between 3:30-4:30 so I just temp then. Once you start getting in the rhythm of it, I know for me, I just wake up naturally then. I've been charting since Oct. 2003 though!

bumble - I hope you are doing well.


~~~~~~~

Well ladies, I made it past my due date on Saturday. In many ways, it allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have that ominous date looming over my head anymore, you know? I expected it to be a day where I felt utterly helpless and had a neverending pity party, but I have reason for hope again.

I'm saying this very quietly, but last week my doctor absolutely shocked me with the news that I am pregnant. I went to see her because I started bleeding at 3DPO (and it continued until yesterday, nearly two weeks later). But turns out, it has been coming from spots on my cervix, not related to my pregnancy. So anyway, I found this out on Tuesday and though initially I was terrified, I now feel very peaceful about it all. With my last pregnancy I had a terrible feeling from the very start that I never could shake. So I hope this means something.

So far, my betas were: 10DPO - 57 and 12DPO - 200. My progesterone at 10DPO was 34! I go for my first ultrasound on Thursday (will just see a sac). The doctor I am seeing is the one I was supposed to see with my last pregnancy, but I never did b/c we had just moved here and I saw others in her practice before I was referred to high-risk specialists. I LOVE this doctor. She is fantastic. So that is very good.

Anyway, I hope you guys won't mind me sharing my news in here. I know I am incredibly blessed to get pregnant on our first month trying. It has been a great birthday present for me (I'm 30 today!).

No matter what happens, I will continue to follow along with all of you. But I'm no where near ready to join a pregnancy thread.

[Ericka_Jarett]

A cautious Congrats to you Sully. I'm thrilled for you.

[LDS Angel 19]

Thanks for the charting tips. I'm going to get more serious about it next cycle.

Congrats, Sully! I don't know about anyone else, but I think it's perfectly fine for you to share your news here. While I am a tiny bit jealous, it also gives me hope. I'll be praying that everything goes well for you. When you're ready, I could update your stats with your due date and such if you would like.

eta: Happy Birthday too :)

[jay&erinn]

Congrats Sully. I think it's great for you to share your good news here. It gives me hope that I'll be able to join you some day soon. Please keep us updated on how you're doing and how the ultrasound goes.

[excitedbride]

Thank you guys for answering my silly question! You know how it is, you hear something like that and it just sticks with you. I am hopefully going to be able to take care of it within the next month.

Sully130 Congratulation's! I am so happy for you. I pray that all goes well.

Thank you, it is very dangerous to have so much information out there available to us. I just need to ignore some of it.

[jay&erinn]

Glad to hear the cavity thing isn't a big deal- I have to have 2 filled next week- YUK.

excitedbride: Good luck this cycle. It's definately scary. I think we all look for every possible reason to explain the unexplainable.

bumble: These boards are addicting, even if they do make us crazy. Once a week is better than I can do.

I had a nice but busy day today. I fit hearing aids on an elderly gentleman that is blind. It was a challenge, but he really impressed me with his patience and determination. He was also all smiles when he realized all he's been missing with his hearing loss. We had a nice talk about his sight. It was a big medical mistake that he lost his vision. He told me that one day he woke up and told himself that he could either continue to feel so