TTC After a Loss

[LDS Angel 19]

So I thought I would see if we could start up this thread over here. (Sorry to tigerest if I'm stepping on your toes, you can take over if you want!)

But I think it is really great for all of us that have had a loss to be able to talk and comfort and encourage each other.

So, I think we all know the drill. Post your stats and I'll add them in the thread. I'll try to go back to the old thread and pull out some of the links and other stuff. If you have any good links that have helped you, feel free to post those and I will ad them as well.


Our Members

ajlanden
Name:Ashley, 28
DH: Doug, 33
Married: June 28, 2005
M/C naturally at 7 weeks
TTC: ASAP (still trying to figure it out!)
DD: Danielle Judith 12-15-04

alliannie
Name:Annie, 21(22 end of month)
DH:Adam,22
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C (D&C) @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: Now, but still waiting to figure out my new cycle

amygrrl
me: amy (35)
dh: dan (33)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.

bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

dpangel33
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 31
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.

jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB

JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year

Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

kdotp
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006

lissy
Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year


LDS Angel 19 (Threadmistress)
Me: Michelle, 22
DH: Aaron, 23
Married: September 4th, 2004
Our angel Allison Grace June 17th 2005 @ 22 wks, With us on earth 40 mins
TTC: August 2005

Nigellas
Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium

shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now


Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?

Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/C: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

[jennylou]

We're not TTC again until later this year, but I wanted to bump this up to the first page so others would see it.

[Happy1]

Thanks for starting this up again. Bumping it up again.

Nikki :D

[Ericka_Jarett]

I'll be the first to post my stats

Ericka&Jarett
Me: Ericka, 31
DH: Jarett, 27
Married: 12/14/01
Infant Loss : Rebekah Joy - 4/18/05 @ 24 weeks, lived 1 hour and 11 mins.
TTC: June 2005

This site has been a huge help, great place to vent and get information from others that suffer losses as well. Women are great on the daily thread.
Pregnancy Grief (http://bbs.babycenter.com/board/pregnancy/pregnancygrief/3376) The site is: babycenter.com

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Ericka! I have seen you over in that babycenter thread. Nice to have you over here too.

I'm a little surprised this thread has not taken off yet, there were a bunch of people in it back on the WC.

[alliannie]

Hi. Ill join I was a new member on the one on WC.

alliannie
Name:Annie, 21(22 end of month)
DH:Adam,22
Married: August 15, 2004
M/C @ 10 weeks, June 2005
TTC: Now, but still waiting to figure out my new cycle

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome Annie. kinda nice to see another youngin' around here. :)

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks for the welcome. I'm sure the new board will pick up, I just got onto it myself this week. Took me a day to get my sugnature and such how I wanted it to be. Plus trying to get my WC working right (username mess up) and than also over at Babycenter, so it's a lot of boards I try to juggle.

I am praying that we caught the egg thiscycle, I would be due aroung the 16th of March if so. Will not be testing until early to mid July though.

[alliannie]

LSDAngel-I know the feeling of liking the feeling of not being the only young one :D I am generally there too.

I still dont know when to TTC yet. I have yet to have a period since my miscarriage. Its been almost 4 weeks. But I heard it can take up to 7. But we are DTD anyway since its fun :eek: . I go back for a check up on July 11. Does anyone know what they will do at this appt?

Oh and if you could can you change my stats to
M/C by a D&C?

[jennylou]

Sorry Alli, I have no idea about what to expect at a followup appointment for a miscarriage. Actually, right now, I think everyone who has posted here in this thread is a late loss and had to deliver their babies or had c-sections, so maybe if you want an answer sooner you could post that question on the main FP section? Just a thought.

Here are my stats:

Jennylou
Me: Jenny
DH: Sean
Married: 9/20/03
Forever in our hearts: Andrew Wyatt, 5/20-5/22/05
TTC: Later this year

[Ericka_Jarett]

Annie,

Sorry, as Jenny said we probably aren't much help in that area.

My background of follow-up after birth - I went for my 2 week (went for answers to some questions) I was still bleeding at the time, by the 4 week appointment I had stopped bleeding about 4 days earlier. Doctor said I still had some blood, and sure enough the next day and for 5 more days I was bleeding again. (Thought it was AF, but 3 weeks later AF was here in full force, whole 6 days) I got a complete examine and the doctor took a cervical culture for testing to make sure I was free of any bacterias. Also sent me for bloodwork. All 7 bloodwork up came back negative but cervical was 2 strong bacteria, they are what ultimately made my cervix open and the bacteria to enter the placenta causing the infection that took Rebekah. Got on antibiotics and got another culture and it was negative so we got the green light to TTC again.

[kdotp]

I still dont know when to TTC yet. I have yet to have a period since my miscarriage. Its been almost 4 weeks. But I heard it can take up to 7. But we are DTD anyway since its fun :eek: . I go back for a check up on July 11. Does anyone know what they will do at this appt?

It can take anywhere from 4 weeks to even 8 or longer to get a period after a m/c. It all depends on your body and how long it takes the pregnancy hormones to leave. With my first [natural] m/c (6w2d) I had a period about 30 days after I started bleeding. With my second [natural] m/c (8w), it took 41 days to get my first period. I don't know if having a d/c takes longer because everything was taken out withut your body recognizing the pregnancy was no longer viable?

As far as what to expect at your Dr's appointment, they might take a blood sample to check and make sure your Betas are under 5. If they tested the embryo or anything after the d/c, they may have results to go over with you. They'll probably discuss how to go about TTC again and what will happen when you get pg again. It all really depends on the individual Doctor on what s/he decides to go over with you.
----------
My Stats:
Me: Kari - 26
DH: Nate - 29
Married: 9-6-03
m/c #1 12-24 @ 6w2d
m/c #2 4-22 @ 8w
TTC: January 2006

We've decided to wait a while before we TTC again. I want to make sure I'm completely healed--both physically and emotionally--before we go through this again. We've decided to kind of let loose and really live up over summer, which is including quite a few weddings, parties and family gatherings as well as a trip to the state fair and an amusement park. We also booked a trip to London, England over the New Year and I'd prefer not to be pg for that. A new year equals a new start, right?

We might work with our insurance to see if we can have any sort of m/c testing done since I had two consecutive within 5 months. If not, I guess we just wait and see. I will be switching to a different OB group; one that has an RE on staff and is used to dealing with more high-risk type pregnancies. My old OB had no idea what to do with me after the 2nd m/c.

[JennH]

JennH
Name:Jenn, 30
DH:Rob, 30
Married: September 20, 2002
M/C at 9 weeks, the surgery date is what sticks in my head at 6/13/05
TTC: September 2005, once we are in our house

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi Jenn,

Glad to see you around these boards. Sorry to hear about the M/C

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, kdotp and JennH. It's nice in a bittersweet way to see our little group grow some.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful holiday weekend.

[excitedbride]

excitedbride
Name:Christina 24
DH:27
Married: 03/02/03
M/C (natural @ 10 1/2wks
TTC: Waiting for this one to end and waiting the next.

Thank you for starting this thread.

I have a really dumb question...how do I get the email notifications?

[jennylou]

To subscribe, scroll down past the reply box. Under Additional options there is a drop down box that will allow you to subscribe. :)

[T&M'sMommy]

I just wanted to let you ladies know of a grieving chat that I've been on since my mom died 2 years ago. www.groww.org They have chats for people that have been through all sorts of loss(including loss of a child)

[JennH]

Thank you Ericka and LDA Angel for the welcome. Sorry any of us need this thread, but I'm glad it's here.

[karlatta]

I decided to join... after spending the day with my good friend's wonderful 6-day old baby, I realize that I still miss my little girl so much.

Karlatta
Name: Karla, 25
DH: Scott, 26
Married: 06/08/02
M/C at 8 weeks, D&C 1/29/05
TTC: Now

[excitedbride]

jennylou Thank you!:)

[tigerest]

LDS_Angel - Is this why my toes have been hurting all weekend? ;) Totally kidding! :) I think it's great that you started a new thread over here. Honestly, I sort of thought about it, but I just don't have as much time to post anymore. Anyway, I think it's time for a new start for this thread, especially since I CAN'T get onto WC anymore!! I sent them an email Monday of last week, telling them I can't get on and no response. SO until then the poor TTC after a LOSS thread on WC will be neglected.

Hello and Welcome to everyone!! Hopefully, this new thread will bring some happy news! Sorry I haven't been keeping up with the WC thread. I have been really busy, and ever since the darn Upgrade I can't get on anymore.

I am in my second 2WW since my surgery, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Hugs and Good luck to everyone!

[excitedbride]

tiger Oh my fingers are crossed for you! :D

~~~~~~~~~

I am happy that I o'ed this cycle! (at least I think I did!) At least that means an end to this cycle is near and on to the next!

[Sully130]

Hi all. I'm not sure how much I'll be around in here, but I'd like to join and see. I stopped posting in the TTC after a Loss thread on the WC after I got pregnant again...but that, unfortunately, didn't have a happy ending. And since we aren't actively TTC yet, I figured it wasn't time to post yet. But I see some familiar faces/names here, so I thought I'd join. Here are my stats:

Sully130
Me: 29
DH: 31
Married: June 2002
M/C at ~6 weeks, 7/1/04
Our angel, Hannah Jane, born still on 4/22/05 at 23 weeks (1 lb, 2 oz, 10 1/8" long).
TTC again: August or September 2005?

tigerest - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you as well. I hope this is it for you. I know you've been on a very long road... :-)

I hope that everyone's stay in here is short and sweet.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ugh, I had a long post ready and it got eaten. Lets try again....

Welcome, Karla and Sully. Feel free to post as much or as little as you like.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Mine was pretty good. I am almost fully physically back to normal. But it seems that as my physical state improves, my emotional state declines. It's a neverending battle it seems.

My follow-up appt with my Dr. is on Thrusday. I have a million questions for her but I am pretty sure she will have few answers.

I can't remember what else was in my post, (I sort of feel like I still have preggo brain these days....) but I hope everyone is doing well.

[Nigellas]

Hi everyone - I'd like to join too, if that's ok. Here's my info:

Me: Kerry, 28
DH: Chris, 30
Married: August 7th, 2001
MCs: at 11wks, 19 wks, 6 wks and 12 wks
Currently TTC with help of an RE, Femara and Prometrium

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, Nigellas.

[Bubbas]

I'm glad this thread has been started up over here! It helped me so much before I got pg again with my DS.

I will be lurking, praying and cheering for all of you on your quests to TTC.

[LDS Angel 19]

went to my Dr. today. Still no real answers. There was no infection. Nothing wrong with her, nothing wrong with me.
We have the green light to TTC as soon as AF comes back. (Who knows when that will be...) I am still going back and forth a little if we should wait or try right away.

Hope everyone is well.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Michelle,

Do what feels right to you and hubby. I know for me after the service for Rebeakh, I told hubby I hope it's not long before I am pregnant again. I loved being pregnant and really miss it now. (I should be about 4 1/2 weeks from delivering Rebekah.) I have been praying like crazy as well as knowing other women on here have been praying for us, that we caught the egg this month.

I am only Day 7 so figured I would get a negative on a preg test, but couldn't resist testing just the same. It was a negative like I thought. Went to Babies R' Us today, was first time since March, was ok, missing looking at the baby girl clothes (was looking to see if they had the eyelet outfits on clearance that I loved, they didn't have them at all though in the store) Went to Marshalls and ended up getting a pair of duck slippers (my husband's photography company is Duckling Photo, so these match a onesie I got before know Rebekah was a girl that has ducks on it, our baby will be his mascot :)) Also got a yellow satin and velour blanket. Couldn't resist the slippers were $4 for Carters and the blanket was $5 for Gerber Beginnings.

Got in the mail 2 days ago a package from Huggies, opened the box and just took the things out and put them in the baby tote box in the closet. I'm ready to be pregnant again now, seeing those items made me miss Rebekah so much. Saw at least 15 pregnant women today while at the Mall and other stores.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka,

I know what you mean about missing being pregnant. I loved it too. I'll be praying for you to catch that egg too.
I am pretty sure we will be TTC soon, I am really quite scared though. When I was pregnant with Allison, I always had full faith that she was fine, and would always be fine. Now that this has happened I am going to be so constantly worried about the baby. *sigh*

[Ericka_Jarett]

I totally understand Michelle. I told my mom one day that I am scared of something happening with the next baby. Than I said you know what. This baby will be perfect and nothing will happen.

I already told my doctor, for every little thing you will see me with the next pregnancy, she said that's fine, do what makes you feel comfortable and reassured. Did they do any blood testing or cultures on you? My doctor at the 4 week follow-up did a cervical culture and also sent me for 7 blood tests to rule that I was free of any and all bacterias/infections. The blood tests came back negative, but the cultures showed 2 strong bacteria which are what caused the Chorioamnionitis which in turn caused my pre-term labor.

[amygrrl]

i guess it's time for me to join... here are my stats... for some reason, none of the colors or fonts or smilies seem to work for me..

amygrrl
me: amy (35)
dh: dan (33)
TTC since: March 2003
Treatments: 6 failed rounds of Clomid. 1 successful IVF producing Avery Elizabeth born still on June 3, 2005 at 27 weeks from possible cord accident (we love you, baby girl!) along with 3 frozen blasts.

Status: July 25th - Meet with RE to discuss next steps. Possible fresh cycle in Sept/Oct. Meeting with Perinatologist to review Avery's case on July 14th. Undergoing b/w for a variety of clotting disorders. Meeting with Cardiologist to change arythmia med. and praying for a brother or sister for Avery

[Ericka_Jarett]

Welcome Amy. Sorry to hear of your loss.

[shouldaeloped]

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for starting this thread over here. I have definitely missed it.

shouldaeloped
me: Heather (32)
DH: Neal (34)
TTC: September 2004
first m/c: january 2005, 12w2d, natural
second m/c: may 2005, 9w2d, d&c
ttc: now

I just had my first post d&c visit from AF, took 41 days. I can't really complain I suppose. My doc tested the chromosomes from the fetus after my second m/c and they all came back normal. I do in today for a sonohysterogram and a ton of blood work to try to find out why this is happening. I am ready to get back on the bandwagon but would like some answers first if possible.

Thanks again for getting this started.

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome to Amy and Heather. So sorry for your losses. I hope you can find support here. I will get your stats up in a sec.

[alliannie]

Today is my post d&c appt. Im nervous for some reason since I am not sure what they will be doing. I hope everything is all cleared up and my #'s back down. I am still waiting for AF since I have yet to have one. Its been 19 days so I probably have awhile still. Ill update on my appt later today.

[shouldaeloped]

Hi Annie- I hope all goes well for you today.. I just had a d&c in may and I used the follow up appointment to ask every question in the book. what do we do from here, how long until I call you for help if AF doesn't show on her own, when can we try again. anything and everything to put my mind at ease. It took 41 days for AF to show up again. my doctor told me it could have taken up to 3 months! :eek:

so I had an SHG friday afternoon. my uterus looks normal. Perfect actually is the word she used. so now I wait for the results of the bloodwork and start trying again.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I'm out this cycle, AF showed on on CD 34, DPO 12. Onto a new cycle, praying for an April baby now.

[LDS Angel 19]

Aww, sorry Ericka.

alliannie, how was your appointment?


As for me, nothing new. I posted Allison's story in my LJ if anyone wants to check it out.

[excitedbride]

I am sorry Ericka.

[amygrrl]

so sorry for you, ericka

alliannie - i hope your appointment went well.

shouldaeloped - yeah for a normal uterus!
-------------------------------

more bad news for us. avery's tissue sample that was sent off for genetic testing didn't grow cells so we will never know if genetic problems caused her death... we are still left with nothing more than a guess that it was the cord... but with out info on genetics, congenital problems, etc... it really is nothing more than a guess. we are really feeling beat up at this point ... first her death, then the hospital f$cks up and doesn't do the autopsy, then the hospital tries to bill us 35k for a vaginal birth w/no complications, and now we have no genetic results. we are still set to see the perinatologist on thursday, but without the genetics or autopsy, our OB admitted that there's not much even a peri could tell us... so where does that leave us? we don't know... on the one hand we want a baby so desperately... now more than ever... on the other hand the thought of going through 9 months of prenancy with no knowledge of whether or not our chances of lossing another baby in the 3rd trimester are 75% or 1% scares me to death and i honestly don't know if i have the strength for it... i think i may be having a nervous breakdown at this point. there is only so much a person can take at one time and i think i've hit the wall.

[alliannie]

I was wrong and my appt isnt until Thursday. I woke up that morning with something saying call first. I did and no appt till Thursday! So I will update then. Thanks for wondering though!!!!

Ericka, so sorry for af.

[LDS Angel 19]

alliannie, that's strange. I did the same thing with my appt. las week. It's understandable though, being a little forgetful when going through somthing like this.

Amy ((((HUGS)))) I know where you are coming from. We don't really know why we lost Allison either. The wondering and worrying can really wear you down. I for me right now, the grief is too fresh for me to really think about having another baby. But you'll get through it somehow, we all will. I'll be praying that you are able to make the decision that is best for you.

[tigerest]

Hi everyone.

Erika - Sorry AF showed.

Amy - {HUGS} I am sorry about all the bad news. :(


UGh...I am not doing so great either. Last cycle I got a faint + on 10 DPO, and the next day I got a BFN on one test and on the second test there was a faint line, but even more faint than the day before. I started bleeding that day. So my cycle was only like 23 days long. With that and hating my job, I am not doing that great right now. I brought up quitting my job and becoming foster parents to DH last night, he said he needed some time to process that. Maybe in a year we'll do it, if I am still not PG.

Hope everyone is doing alright....

[amygrrl]

cross-posting from SAI...

<b>dr update</b>
went to see the peri today. overall, a good appointment. the big thing that came out of it was that we have really good instincts (and advice from all our IF friends on the internet!!) about what standard of care we should have. apparently, my ob called the peri last week and told him all the tests she had ordered for clotting and immunolgy. he was very impressed and said it was a very thorough list and exactly what he would have recommended. well, although i didn't mention it... SHE GOT THE LIST FROM ME. i made the list from talking to several of my IF friends here and on ivfconnections.com and insisted on having them done. the ob didn't even know what many of the tests were!!!

so basically, the peri said that without an autopsy and/or genetic info we just don't have an answer. the meconium in my fluid suggests that sudden hypoxia occured (ie suffication)... this could be from a blockage/ clotting in the placenta or cord, the cord wrapping around her neck or the cord kinking... but he said there really is no definitive answer. the cord was extremely helixed (coiled) which would be due to formation and there may be evidence cords can potentially have slightly more risk... but there are no studies to indicate a direct correlation b/t extreme helixing and cord accidents and there is no way to know if i will always have pregnancies with extremely helixed cords or if it was a one time thing. for now, we need to do all the b/w to rule out clotting and immunology.

overall, we feel good b/c he didn't mention at all that we shouldn't try again or even be worried about trying again. he did say our standard of care would be much different. i would be placed on a diabetic diet from day 1 and have to monitor my blood sugars 4-6 times a day from the beginning b/c my 1 hour glucose test i took about 10 days before losing avery was borderline. i can continue to take the heart meds i'm currently on and don't have to switch to a new drug. i will be monitored with weekly u/s through the REI clinic until about 9-10 weeks. from 10-20 weeks, i will have 3 or 4 more appointments (no extra u/s necessary b/c they can't tell much at that point anyway and i'll have the nuchal fold u/s and triple screen during that period). at 18-20 wks, i'll have the level 2 u/s and then have additional level 2 u/s's every 3-4 wks until the the baby comes. i'll also have non-stress tests and u/s to check cord blood flow every week from about 24 wks on. lastly, assuming the baby is healthy and the lungs are mature, we will deliver at 37-38 wks.

whew!!!!! so overall, it will mean a much more aggressive approach to care, but i'm very happy with that at this point.

[papergirl]

can i join?

bumble
name: rebecca
dh: a boy
married: august 31, 2003
m/s at 8 weeks, june 2005
ttc: now

i’m sorry that you ladies had to go through this. next time it will hopefully be better for all of us. it has to be, right?

after the m/c i decided that when we started ttc (which was right away) that i would rather the disappointment of a BFN then another m/c. i still believe that. my cycle just ended with my period showing up. inside i’m really ok with not getting a BFP but i’ve become sad again about having the m/c. it’s like my period is a reminder that i lost our child. does that make sense? today has been my second day in this funk.

yesterday was particularly bad. i was just really sad, which i hadn’t been for a few weeks. i hated being back in that dark place. after work i met up with dh and the first thing he starts telling me is that on his train ride to meet me he saw a little girl and started thinking about our could-have-been baby, about the m/c. usually i smile when he tells me things like this because it makes me realize how much he really carried. somehow there is comfort in knowing he is sad about the outcome of that pregnancy. but yesterday i was so sad that hearing him talk made me choke up. it was like in that moment i just couldn’t hear it.

it’s almost friday. i hope over the weekend i cheer up.

for the ladies who are ttc again and got AF this cycle - sorry.

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, bumble. I hope you will find comfort and support here in our little group.

Amy, glad to hear you appt. was ok.


Got a few more sympathy cards in the mail today. (They were a little delayed since we moved three days after the funeral...) It is so generous of some of my family who have sent money. But I have no clue what to do with it... I may use it for the hospital bill or for her marker... but I just don't know. I didn't expect any money.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful evening.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Rebecca (love your name btw), Wish it was under better circumstances that we got to chat with you. I totally understand what you are feeling in being in a mood about AF. I felt the exact same way last night. How getting AF this cycle made me aware that I was not pregnant this cycle with baby 2, that I miss my baby girl Rebekah so much (it's almost 3 months since I lost her) and how I hoped and prayed that this cycle I was pregnant again, as I miss that feeling so much. (I was hoping to have a March baby, since I am April 12 and Rebekah was April 18th)


Michelle, we had one person give us money in her card, it was a sweet gesture. We didn't have to pay for the memorial service fees, only the grave opening (was extra since it was a Saturday, my mom picked up the tab for the opening for us) and Rebekah's marker. We used the money the day of her service to get ourselves a nice lunch (got ribs and stuff and ate at home) and our state income tax check for the marker and installation.

(Not to get totally off topic,if you want a bronze marker let me know, found a place that does them at a great price and they do good work)

[alliannie]

Welcome Rebecca. I also had a m/c in June. I think I will be feeling like you are soon when I get my AF for the first time. Hugs.

Amygrrl-I am glad you got so much accomplished at your appt! I hope everything works out.

My appt. was today. It was what everyone said it would be. They did a pap and he just asked me questions and I asked alot. He said I should start soon(I hope so). He still doesnt seem concerned I had a miscarriage just keeps saying its very common for the first pregnancy. Which I know is true but isnt making this any easier. He is convinced everything will be perfect next time. I pray he is right.

[papergirl]

lds Thanks for welcoming me.

ericka I was in your journal and it seems like we had similar feelings last week. Getting AF sure was hard. It’s getting lighter for me and my mood is picking up. Maybe next cycle will be the one. An April baby would be a precious gift for us both.

I’m glad you like my name. When I was small I always wanted to spell it with a k. It just looked so cool. I’m sure your daughter loves her name.

annie I hope getting AF will be a little less stressful for you then it was for me. I really wasn’t prepared for that sadness.

question: Did anyone elses first period after a m/c (not the m/c period) seem different then their normal periods? I guess this would apply to those that m/c earlier on. I had a lot more cramping then normal, which was not fun. I hope it was a one time thing.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Hi bumble,

yeah I am getting better now, glad AF is just about gone. Went to a wedding yesterday and that was so nice, glad we got invited and it was something happy for me to focus on for a few hours. More details of the wedding are in my journal, it was beautiful and perfect, rain held off even until we got home.

Regarding your question, although I had an infant loss, my AF was different the first time as well. Never really had cramping before I was pregnant and with AF I did and it was a bit heavier than usual and such. Just had AF 2 and not as crampy and really not as heavy as the 1st one after birth.

[LDS Angel 19]

Today is one month since Allison was born. It's a very hard day. I hope the rest of you are having a better day then I am.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thinking of you Michelle.

Tomorrow is 3 months since I gave birth to Rebekah. Woman at church gave me a hug (she is the one that has been a huge support to me, she suffered 6 miscarriages back in the 60s, before they found out what was wrong) She whispered she would be thinking about and praying for me tomorrow. She always remembers each month on the 18th about me and prays especially for my heart on those days.

[jennylou]

The milestones are hard. :( Wednesday of this week Andrew would have been two months old. Friday marks two months since his death. :(

[UTChick]

Delurking for a moment.

Just wanted to let you ladies know, that while I can't even begin to know the pain and loss you have felt recently, there are many of us thinking about you during this time.

Much love to you,

Kathy

[LDS Angel 19]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much better today.

[Sully130]

LDS Angel, I'm glad you are feeling better today. To you, and jennylou and Ericka especially, I know these milestones are tough. I was talking to my husband last night and telling him how I measure everything in relation to the day we lost our daughter...or how far along I should be. I look forward to the day when I don't do that anymore. Anyway, he also was talking about how I need to "get over it" all at some point. I got so angry. I told him that I will get through it, but I will never get over it. I read in a grief book that feeling that way is completely normal and many parents who have lost children feel that way.

I think by the end of our conversation he understood where I was coming from. I think men, by their nature, just want to fix everything. But some things just can't be fixed...you know?

As for me, I'm in the middle of my first full cycle after our DD's death. It took 10 weeks for AF to show, and that was probably good because it gave me time to think about TTC. We have decided to try on our next cycle. We both decided that though we are terrified at the thought of losing another child, we know that will never go away. So waiting longer really is only prolonging what is going to happen eventually.

Friday it will be 13 weeks (three months) since Hannah's death. And on Saturday, I should have been 36 weeks. I'm so ready for my due date (August 20) to get here already. Ugh. I wish I could fast forward time to September 1.

bumble - after my m/c last summer I remember that my first AF was a bit different. I think that is very normal.

tigerest - I'm so sorry about all of the frustration. I wish things were easier for you. You've been through so much and my heart goes out to you.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Sully, thanks for your thoughts. I really find comfort in you girls here, knowing that other people have felt the way that I am feeling.
I feel exactly like you do about TTC. I know being pregnant again is going to be a terrifying thing, but I guess we have to face our fears sometimes.

[taraw]

Taraw
Name: Tara
DH: Scott
Married: July 20, 2002
DD: Adelina - Aug. 2003
M/S: 8 weeks (Natural, no D&C) - April 2005
TTC: right away

I had a M/S on April 15, 2005. My Dr. suggested waiting a couple of months before trying again, but we began trying again immediately. (She suggested the wait for emotional healing, since I didn't have a D&C I was told there wasn't any physical reason to have to wait) The first 2 months after the m/s I had a ton of EWCM and thought that was a good sign that we would conceive again right away. Unfortunately, I didn't get PG in those first 2 cycles. This last cycle I had very little EWCM. I have not been temping, but I think I will probably start the charting back up next cycle to see if/when I am actually ovulating.

I still get pretty sad thinking about the m/s, I just want to get PG again so that I can move on. I would have been due in November, so I really hope that I am PG again by then. Since having the m/s we have found out that my brother, my DH's brother and 2 cousins are expecting. I am very happy for all of them, but it does make it harder for me. I would have been due before all of them, so once the babies start coming I am afraid I will be very sad if we aren't PG ourselves.

[LDS Angel 19]

Welcome, Tara. I got your stats up on the first page.

[akwifeandmomma]

I have a question for you ladies, hope you can help.

I miscarried on May 12th, at around 11.5 weeks. The baby had died at around 7.5 weeks. I m/c'd naturally, at home, and collected tissue to confirm that it was complete.

About a month later, June 15th, I started wondering if I might be pregnant again. I tested and it was positive, so I went in for betas, since my OB thought it might be leftover hormones from my m/c. It was. My level on the 15th was 4, and on the 17th, 3. I finally got AF on June 22.

Now I've taken three HPT's since Saturday, all are faintly positive. I think I'm about 10DPO today. I have a call in to my OB for Betas, but I'm wondering if you think it's possible that there are still leftover hormones from my m/c, giving me positive tests?

Thanks so much in advance.

Shan

[taraw]

Hi Shanna! I of course am not an expert, but I would think that after AF showed up that your levels would have gone down to zero. I am really hoping that this is a valid pregnancy for you and not leftover hormones!

[Sully130]

Shanna, I'm sure you are pg! With my m/c, it took FOREVER my my numbers to go down (eight weeks, I think). About four weeks after my m/c, I had some bleeding that I thought was AF (though I was pretty much spotting the entire eight weeks), but my levels were still up over 100. After that AF-like episode, they dropped down to the 20s and then slowly went down from that. Point being, yours were SO low when last tested, and then you had AF...and I am SURE they zero'd out at that point. Besides, under 5 is what they usually like anyway (it means you are not pregnant).

I'll be interested to see what these next betas say...but I'm sure you are preggo. Can't wait to officially congratulate you. ;-)

[akwifeandmomma]

Well, my first beta was 8.

I go back in today for a repeat.

[papergirl]

since this is a TTC thread i thought i would post my stats. i am on CD11. i have pretty regular cycles so i am assuming we'll begin BD in about 10 days (CD21). i feel good but i'm trying to stay grounded.

good luck this cycle to those of you trying.

[papergirl]

akwifeandmomma it sounds like you'll have good news to report soon. i'm thinking good thoughts for you.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I am CD 10, my temp is a yo-yo right now, looks like it may be getting up to where it belongs. This cycle will be interesting since Hubby and I will be out every night for the next 2 weeks getting ready for Vacation Bible School, and than the 1 week is VBS. He is busy working on a website for pics and I am doing out daily newspapers to hand out.

[taraw]

.... My level on the 15th was 4, and on the 17th, 3.
Well, my first beta was 8.

Your levels are going back UP, you are PG!! Congratulations. I am so happy for you. And I will be praying for it to stick!! :D

[akwifeandmomma]

My beta more than tripled -- to 34.

Praying that this baby sticks!

Thanks for your support and help.

Shan

[kdotp]

We found out we were pg again last week. We weren't trying.

Now all my symptoms have disappeared. This is the same thing that happened with my last two m/c, so I'm expecting the worst.

At least this way we now qualify for RPL. Three m/c in 9 months is not just "bad luck."

[Bubbas]

Sending lots of sticky vibes to you, Shannon

CONGRATS!!!

[taraw]

Shanna, I am so happy for you!

kdotp, I am praying that this pregnancy sticks for you.

[papergirl]

shannon congratulations! i can't stop smiling for you.

kdopt i'm wishing you the best and really hope the outcome is a good one. please keep us posted.

[LDS Angel 19]

kdotp, (((((hugs)))))

[Ericka_Jarett]

Congrats Shanna

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies. I haven't joined over here since I was pregnant when WC changed everything over. Unfortunately I'm back. I had my second m/c on tuesday. Here's my stats. I'll be back later this weekend to ask lots of questions.

jay&erinn
Name:Erinn, 30
DH: Jay, 30
Married: December 29, 2001
DD: 9/22/03
M/C: 11/10/04: 6w, 6d
M/C: 7/20/05: 11w, 6d
TTC: ASAP once cleared from OB

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sorry to see you back Erinn.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Erinn, I added your stats. Feel free to ask as many questions as you want, we'll do our best to help.

[alliannie]

Congratulations Shannon!

Praying for stickness for you kdotp...

Welcome Erinn and Tara. Sorry you had to join us :(

I havent posted in about a week. I am stilling waiting for AF to come. Its stressing me out that it isnt. I hate hate hate this inbetween stage. I am so scared that something is wrong though I know there isnt. Its been six weeks almost :( . I have also been really upset. I work with a girl that I found out was pregnant the same time as me. I at the time was the only one that knew since she felt comfortable telling me. She is now over 3 months pregnant. I currently cant barely stand to be around her. I am so jealous of her. I think it is horrible that she already has two kids that she doesnt take care of(seriously not just because I am mad they live with her mom) and yet she can get pregnant again. It isnt fair and it makes me so mad. I think feeling like this is normal(at least I hope so). I wanted it so bad and she still doesnt even want it. Its hard. Really hard. I just want to be pregnant again and have it stick so I dont have these mean feelings. :(

[Ericka_Jarett]

Annie,

Your feelings are completely normal.Don't know if I mentioned it but there is a great book out called: Empty Cradle, Broken Heart. I got mine from the library and it really is informative. It tells you what feelings you may have and how they are normal and how to deal with them.

I totally understand what you mean. A friend of mine it pregnant with her 2nd and she had an easy 1st and her 2nd was some sickness, but nothing really bad. I haven't been around hersince the 3rd of July. She is due in November and was already showing at a little over 4 months, enough that I feel a little jealous.

My Rebekah would be due in about 2 weeks had she not been born and passed in April.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies- thought I'd come back and write down a little more about my experience this time around. I think more for my own sanity (I find it very hard to talk about even with family and close friends)- so be prepared for a long drawn out story- feel free to skip it. My first m/c in November was hard, but I seemed to be able to deal with the unknown- chalking it up to just a fluke. It wasn't physically painful, and happened very quickly. This time around I was at a conference 250 miles from home, by myself. I woke up at 3:00 am in pretty bad pain and drove myself to the emergency room. By the time I got there I had already bled through a pad. They took a bunch of blood and I laid there until about 4:30 (except to change pads). I was having really bad cramping and they came in to tell me I was going for an ultrasound (I still hadn't seen a doctor). I went to the bathroom and passed a large amount of stuff in the toilet- about the size of a softball). I told the nurse. She went and looked, said it was just a large clot and flushed it (I'm almost positive now that it was the baby now). I went for the ultrasound. The tech wasn't very friendly- mostly annoyed that she was called in (most likely out of bed) to come deal with me. She told me to remove my underware for the test. I looked at her like she was crazy- I was bleeding through a pad every 30-45 minutes. I told her, and she acted like she didn't believe it. I guess cleaning blood off the floor and the bed afterwards convinced her. Of course, I had to just lay there with the blood running up my back while she very slowly cleaned the floor. I was pretty annoyed. They took me back to my room and the doctor came in about 30 minutes later to give me results. I told him I needed rhogam shot, and he told me I didn't since I had one in November, but that he'd check (what a moron). Of course I ended up getting it about 40 minutes later. When I got up to leave I started getting very lightheaded. I ended up having to stay for another 3 hours to get 2 bags of fluids since I was dehydrated. My blood pressure kept dropping to 70/40 when I'd try and sit up. I'm not convinced that I wasn't actually losing too much blood. I was still bleeding through pads every 45 minutes to an hour, as well as losing large clots and more blood every time I went to the bathroom. Since no one bothered to ask how the bleeding was, they didn't know (I was too stressed to really make the connection). I was finally discharged around 9:30 to go back to my hotel. I got a quick shower and went back to my conference (needed something to take my mind off everything). That afternoon my mom, FIL, DH and DD drove up to spend some time with me. It was nice, but I think the distraction has made it harder to actually deal with everything. I've been running non-stop since it happened, trying not to think about everything. My mom and FIL went back home and DH, DD and I drove home the next night. I was still cramping quite a bit and bleeding pretty heavily- no way I could spend 4-5 hours in the car before then.
I had my repeat blood work yesturday. My betas dropped from 12000 to 1300 in 48 hours. They said it's a good sign that the m/c was complete, and that as of now, I won't need a d&c. I have a follow up appt on Tuesday. What questions should I ask besides the obvious of what the he!! is wrong with me?

alliannie: I have many of the same feelings you do. I almost forgot about them since the first m/c. Now they're back and strong as ever. We went out to eat for lunch today and all I could do is look around and think, why do they get to have child after child, and I don't. The world is definately not a fair place, and it becomes so obvious after this happens.

[papergirl]

thanks for sharing your story erinn.

when i had my m/c it would have been nice to read detailed stories about the experience since i was so confused and felt alone. we had not announced our pregnancy when i had the m/c so i never had anyone to talk to when it happend. for me it started at work and i just thank God it began close to the end of the day. there was so much blood that i just sat in the bathroom for at least an hour. my husband sat in a chair next to me and we just talked and talked. gosh i love my husband.

since i have only had one m/c i can't help you with questions. if possible i would push for testing. i know some doctores don't want to test till you've had three but i would hate to have to go through three for help. that seems so unfair.

what is rhogam and why do you get it?

alliannie: your thoughts are normal. life isn't always fair and sometimes we can't help but to recognize and question this. i hope you find some peace in this situation.


as for me, i am on CD14 and *really* hope this is month but i'm trying to stay grounded. why is that the hard part?

[Ericka_Jarett]

Rebecca,

Rhogam shot is for women that are RH negative in their blood type. The baby could be negative or positive and if you are negative and there is a transfer of blood between you and the baby during delivery, it could cause illness. (This is what the doctor told me when I had to get mine the morning after I gave birth) It's a preventive measure.

[jennylou]

As I understand it, you have a rhogam shot because if you didn't and any blood had transfered, when you got pregnant again, if the baby was RH positive your body would attack the baby.

[kdotp]

Erinn -

I'm so sorry, especially since you had to deal with everything 250 miles away from home. I had a similar experience with my second m/c (though I don't think it was quite a severe as yours but I still had to go to the emergency room because I was bleeding and cramping so heavily).

I think one of the best books I've read, especially for women who have had multiple miscarriages is Coming To Term (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0618277242/qid=1122255207/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_ur_2_1/103-2415032-7395815) by Jon Cohen (who is a writer for many scientific magazines). He and his wife had two miscarriages and the books is all the research and personal stories -- his own and many many others he interviewed -- he did while trying to understand why they kept losing their babies. He compiles all the scientific information he found (which is a lot) and puts it into words and terms anyone can understand. It definitely helped me understand what was going on better than anything else I'd read on miscarriages. It also ends with a good message of hope for couples.

[alliannie]

Thank you for reassuring me I am normal. I am hoping it will get better when I actually get AF.

Erin, thanks for sharing your story. Im so sorry you had to deal with this so far from home. I can only imgaine how hard it was since mine was so hard at home.

[jay&erinn]

I'm hiding out at work (my office is next door to the OB office). I can't go home since I'm so miserable. I don't want to be like that in front of DD- she's too young to understand. My doctor's appt was miserable. They won't do any testing until I have a third m/c. The doctor told me that even though two m/cs are emotionally difficult, that's it's not considered medically significant. Gee, Thanks- let me tell you how insignificant it feels :mad: . The doc said that the baby probably stopped developing well before the miscarriage and my body probably didn't notice. I wanted to tell her that I know my body better than she does, and that I can be almost sure that this pregnancy was basically normal through 9-10 weeks. About 10 weeks is when my symptoms started changing and I started to think things were wrong. The only thing they will recommend is to have an ultrasound at 8 weeks next time around to see how things are developing. Unfortunately that doesn't make me feel any better. My first m/c showed a strong heartbeat and normal measurements at 6 weeks and I miscarried 5 days later. I really hate this. I just want some answers.

[JAYLIN]

Erinn, I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. It never seems fair! I just wanted to tell you that you're not the only one with doctors that feel this way. I had a normal,wonderful 1st preg. but then had 2 m/cs after that (the 2nd was twins@12wks, needed d&e) Had a DD with my 4th preg and then had another missed m/c with my 5th pregnancy. After all this my doctors are still tell me that they really feel nothing is "wrong" with me because I am obviously able to have healthy pregnancies.

My last doc that I talked to said it's very involved to start all the testing and I should just wait. If I lose the next pregnancy that she will definately start the testing. But she did recommend that as soon as I get preg again that she would start me on progesterone regardless of whether or not that's my problem......she said if I would go to a specialist they would just put me on it anyway. So I do feel better that they are going to do SOMETHING! And I also get to have an ultrasound at 7wks to check things.

So maybe you can ask your doc about the progesterone? I have no idea if it will do you or me any good, but it can't hurt right?

And I guess if you are really upset with the way they are handling things you could probably switch docs, I'm sure there's gotta be doctors out there who think 2m/cs is enough to start testing of some kind.

I just keep telling them, I don't want to have to be pregnant 15times to have 4 children!!!!!

LOL!

[jay&erinn]

Jaylin: I'm sorry you've had to go through so much. I feel the same way you do- How many times do I have to get pregnant before I can have the 2-3 children we've talked about having. It's very frustrating. I also don't want to have to fight the age factor that is slowly creeping up on me. I know I could get lucky and get pregnant quickly, but it's taken me 4-6 months to get pregnant each of the first 3 times. At this rate I'll be in my mid thirties trying to have my third child. I know that timing is right for a lot of women, but I can't work part time forever and still afford retirement and college educations. I wanted to have my kids close together, and then when they were school age, go back full time to help with the financial load. Nothing like nature throwing a wrench in our plans.
How have you managed to make it through another pregnancy after the two miscarriages? I'm so afraid to get pregnant again- I can't imagine how stressful it's going to feel the next time around.

[kdotp]

A lot of times with RPL testing with only 2 m/c, it's not always the Doctor that won't agree to do it, but the insurance that won't cover it. It is a very expensive and lengthy testing process, so many Doctors do prefer to wait until 3 when it is covered by most insurance. It sucks, I know. If it's really an issue, get a second opinion. See if your OB knows an RE that can do some preliminary mid-cycle testing (progesterone, etc...) that won't be as expensive/time-consuming as a full RPL panel but can still maybe give you an insight as to what's going on.

[papergirl]

erinn and jaylin - huggs. a m/c can be so hard and to have to follow that with difficult medical treatment.

minor complaing - when i got pregnant i was VERY scared of having a m/c so we did not tell anyone. we were waiting for 11 weeks and i m/c at just over 8 - so no one knew. very few people still know. well we live in new york but dh is from ohio. last week he went home and over drinks with his best friend he mentioned the m/c and i guess his friend was a bit upset for not having knows i was even pregnant. dh's mother had the SAME reaction when dh had told her about the m/c. has anyone else experienced this (assuming you didn't tell close family and friends that you were pregnant)? i just find it hurtful that people are upset they didn't know. there IS a reason doctors suggest not mentioning your pregnant till after the first trimester. i want to say to these people something mean like "i'm sorry i was selfish and didn't tell you sooner. sorry that's what's making you upset. not the fact that we lost a child but the fact that we didn't tell you." ugh!

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi everyone.. I've been a little MIA lately, work is kicking my butt. Thanks for keeping our thread going.


Huge (((((HUGS))))) to Erinn. Thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine how it felt to go through all of that alone. You're very strong.


Hi everyone else, I just don't have the energy for full SOs tonight. I hope you're all having a peaceful evening.

[Nigellas]

Erinn, Your story gave me shivers- I’m so sorry you went through that- How scary and sad.

Kdotp – I’m hoping for the best for you- How are things?

And as for me, I’ve got my CD 14 ultrasound scheduled for Friday- If my follicles are ready I’ll be getting my trigger shot then. This is our third cycle on Femara and I'm getting a little antsy waiting for a BPT...

[kdotp]

Nigellas, thanks for asking. I'm doing okay. AFAIK, I'm still pg -- 6w6d. No spotting or anything, which is amazing to me. I've never made it this far without spotting. Just the sudden decrease of symptoms last week. Now that I'm really paying attention to my body, I can tell there are some, they're just more subtle. I talked to DH about my feelings (nervous, scared, uncertain -- especially since we had decided to wait to TTC and then this happens) and that helped a lot. My first OB appointment isn't for another 4 weeks which is frustrating, but DH and I have come to accept that whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

I hope you have some good follies growing in there.

[papergirl]

kdopt: after your previous post a few days back i just assumed the worse, it didn’t occur to me until today’s post that you are still pg. i am so happy for you. i got all excited when i read you reply to nigellas. i am wishing you all the best. this is very exciting.

[jay&erinn]

kdotp: Congrats on making it this far. Sending you as many sticky vibes as I can. You really have to wait until 10 weeks to see your OB? That's really stressful after 2 previous miscarriages. Hopefully the time will fly by.

Nigellas: Good luck Friday! What happens after your trigger shot?

My mood has improved significantly the past day- thankfully. I think everything has just been so tramatic this time around. The first one I seemed to "bounce back" much easier, I think all the emotions this time around took me by surprise and I just couldn't control them.
I'm not OK with having to wait for another m/c, but certainly understand why. I think I just wish something could be done. Not thousands of dollars of testing, but just closer monitoring the next time and possibly progesterone supplements to rule that out. We'll see.
My boss' cousin is an OB at the major women's hospital in the area, and he wants me to page him tomorrow. Not sure where that conversation will lead, but we'll see. I really like 5 of the 7 OBs at my current practice (I just happened to have to see one of the ones I don't care for yesturday, and I think that was part of the problem), so I don't necessarily want to go elsewhere. I may call one of the docs I'm more comfortable in my current practice just for peace of mind.

[jay&erinn]

Meant to SO to bumble: That's crap about your family. It's amazing how selfish everyone can be. We had a similar reaction the first time around. We didn't tell our families (except for my mom :o - I had to tell someone), so when DH called to tell his parents, his mom said, "oh, we didn't even know she was pregnant." Not how are we, is there anything you need, etc. Oh well- some people just can't see past themselves.

[JAYLIN]

KDOTP.....I really hope these next few weeks go by really fast for you, I know how hard it is to wait for that 1st doc appt.!!!

ERINN....I'm really glad you are starting to feel a little bit better. I can definately relate to the 2nd m/c being so traumatic. The first one I just chalked up to bad luck, bad things just happen. My DS was only 7 mos and I didn't feel the time crunch as much. But the second time just blew me away. I NEVER expected it to happen 2 times in a row, and to be so close to the end of the 1st trimester, it just all seemed so cruel. I wanted my children all close in age, and as you put it "mother nature" was just screwing up all my plans!

I've always told my family with every pregnancy around 8wks and it just seems to keep comming back to haunt me. Everytime I get preg my DH doesn't want to tell anyone, but I always say to him that it's so unfair to the baby that we can't be excited about him, I refuse to be that way. So everytime I can't hold it in and I tell people. Plus I figure, especially with the family, if something does go wrong at least I have all of their support because they did know about it.

The 4th preg I worried about it up until she was born. I was excited and thrilled but constantly worried.

The 5th preg, it almost seemed too good to be true. DD was only 4mos old, they would have been so close in age. I almost expected the worst, so when it happened I was almost prepared for it. As bad as it sounds, it gets easier with each loss. Not that I'm not crushed, but emotionally I don't (or can't) get attached anymore.

With my next preg (god willing) I don't know how I'm going to react. I know I'll be excited and I keep telling myself that I'm not going to tell anyone until I'm out of my 1st trimester....but I'm sure I won't be able to do that. I just think I have the mentality at this point of expecting the worst and I everything does go well it's just a fluke........It sucks to have to be this way, but I don't think I have any other choice...

So I've babbled on long enough, I hope you'll find the strength to stay strong and not give up hope!

And I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'm 7 DPO with little hope that this month worked (BDing 1 time during the "right time" doesn't exactly cover our bases) but ya never know.....I'm looking for a miracle here!

[papergirl]

jaylin thanks for sharing your experience. no one wants to hear that someone had a m/c but when you do it's comforting to know that other people get by. that it will be ok. maybe not ideal but ok. your story was similar in some of my thoughts and i appreciate you sharing it. thanks again.

today i got a +OPK. it looks like i will O a whole 5 days earlier then expected. i guess my body is still reajusting from the m/c (which was in june so it make sense). i don't normally do OPK tests but have since the m/c. i figured things might be funny. thank goodness or we would have missed my window. i wasn't going to start the BD fest till sunday and by then i will have O'd. i'm trying to think good things.

[crazycaro]

I miscarried yesterday. :(

It was a very early miscarriage.

When does it get easier?

Caroline

[Ericka_Jarett]

So sorry Caroline.

[LDS Angel 19]

(((HUGS)))) for you, Caroline. It will get easier with time, but that 'when' can be very diffrent for everyone.

[papergirl]

caroline i am so sorry to hear about your loss.

i agree with the other posters... the healing time for everyone differs so i can only speak for me. personally, i was able to sense my m/s so i think i grieved a lot before it even happend. when it finally did i was numb and cried really hard every few days. in between that i was just sad and numb. after two weeks i felt "good." most days i was ok and then out the blue i would have a bad day. it happened again when i got my period. that was hard for me. i was two months when i m/c and i think they only thing that keeps my spirits up on most days it that we are trying again.

take as much time as you need. it's ok to be sad, mad and upset with the world. we are here for you if you need anything.

rebecca

[karlatta]

Welcome, Caroline. I'm so sorry to see you here.

It does get better, over time. Although the amount of time that it takes will be different for everyone. I miscarried at 8 weeks in January. I didn't spend days and weeks crying about it then, but at 4w2d, the doctor told me my baby probably wouldn't live.

However, I cry about it now. I have days where the pain of losing my daughter is gut-wrenching. I think it's normal. I just try to take every day in stride and know that there are other things coming to me in my future. It hurts to have lost my baby, but I try to have hope. It's the only way I know to survive.

[Nigellas]

Caroline, again I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to believe, but it does get easier. The pain is always there, but it becomes less consuming - at least that's how it's worked for me. One of my MCs was pretty early too, and I had a problem with people being dismissive of my pain because it was so early - I'm not sure if that's happen to you or not, but I wanted to let you know that it is a terrible thing, the loss of a child- no matter when it happens.

[LDS Angel 19]

I found this on another Loss board I lurk at....

October 15th: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day (www.october15th.com)

That's slightly ironic, Oct 15th was my due date. Anyway I'm contemplating getting one of thier angel decals for my car.

[jay&erinn]

Caroline: Welcome, and I'm sorry you're joining us. It does get better. I think it's different for everyone. It's taken me about a week to feel mostly better, but I'm not sure how long it'll take until I'll feel really normal (where I don't think about it at least once a day). Keep talking about it, it definately helps.

JAYLIN: It only takes one time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Bumble: Coongrats on the + OPK. Keep us posted.

We had a nice weekend over here. DH and I went out with some friends- something we rarely do. I did, however, find out a comment that was made about my m/c that I'm not sure how to take. My mom and MIL are good friends. My MIL was really proud of the fact that she and my SIL figured out I was pregnant before we told them (why they felt it was necessary to let us know they figured out our secret while I'm in the process of m/cing is beyond me). Well, my MIL told my mom that when she told my SIL (did you follow all of that?) that I m/c'd that she commented that Oh, now she feels guilty. I'm trying to figure out why she feels guilty. Unfortunately the only answers I can come up with are not nice ones (my MIL and SIL are big gossipers and most of what they say is not very nice). Were they joking about my last m/c, where they wishing it would happen again, what? I guess the hard times show you who really cares.

[alliannie]

I got a bill in the mail today. Its from the pathology lab and is for tissue being tested. Do you think my dr. had the tissue tested from my d&c? He never said anything to me about it so I am sort of confused. If it is from that I am very curious that what was discovered and if not I want to know what was tested. Is there something else they do normally?

[papergirl]

erinn your post breaks my heart. why are people so mean? i am sincerely sorry you had to hear that. i just can't believe people. huggs!

annie i have no comments on the bill.. i'm clueless. sorry that i'm of no help.

as for me... i got the +OPK dayS ago but still have not O'd. i am so frustrated. last night when i temped i wanted to cry. is it normally to get a +OPK for five days?? i'm chalking it up to the saying the "you're really fertile after a m/c." hopefully i O'd today and will see a temp jump tonight. sunday was the last day we BD and at this point we are worn out since i thought i would O sunday or monday at the latest. gosh this TTC can be frustrating.

[jay&erinn]

Annie: I never had a D&C, but if you were fairly far along (i think past about 8-10 weeks), they may have been able to run some tests on the tissue. Before that (and I may be very wrong about the time frame) there isn't enough tissue to test anything. I think they can try and check DNA for abnormalities, but I'm not sure. My 1st m/c was too early to test anything, and this one the nurse didn't think it was important enough to save (she thought it was just a large clot)- I was almost 12 weeks. I don't know if they can find out anything else other than genetic abnormalities.

bumble: I don't know much about charting. Maybe check out one of the TTC with charting threads and pull on some of their knowledge- they seem to be great at cracking the codes of charting. I'm hoping you give up that egg soon.

[kdotp]

Bumble, I'm confused. You say you temped last night? When charting, you temp in the morning *right* after you wake up and before you do anything else. That gives you the most accurate BBT (basal body temp), otherwise it fluctuates during the day.

Did you use OPKs before getting pg? From what I understand, OPKs are only positive when the test line is noticibly darker than the control line. And the best time to get your surge is in the afternoon. Plus, you can't drink or go to the bathroom for four hours before testing on one. I think most women suggest taking one around 11ish and another around 3-4 to best catch the surge. And it is totally possible that your body keeps gearing up to O, thereby signaling the surge, but just hasn't quite gotten there yet. A positive OPK doesn't always guarantee an O, it just says one is possibly going to happen in the next 36-48 hours.

HTH.

[lissy]

Hi everyone. I'd like to join too. I had a miscarriage on Sunday(and a d&c Tuesday). I might be lurking more than I post here but I just wanted to say how nice it is to know there are others who are feeling what I feel and have gone through some similar experiences since it's hard to talk to friends/family about this. Here are my stats:


Name: Lissette, 32
DH: Benny, 30
Married: 05/04/03
M/C at 11 weeks, D&C 8/2/05
TTC: later this year

[papergirl]

kdopt Technically yes, I temp in the morning. I don’t temp when I wake up but actually in the middle of the night when it’s early morning (hence why I used the word night since it’s in the middle of my sleep). I’m sorry to be so confusing. I guess it would help if I could verbalize my words, right? ;)

Also, I use Clear Blue Easy Digital OPK tests, which have the highest rating by Consumer Reports. The package says to only test once a day so that’s what I do. Plus they are so expensive but I prefer them since the test tells me “yes I have a surge or no.” There is no reading of lines and is this darker then that. It’s either yes or no – very easy and again, supposedly the most reliable. I guess I’m just over reacting. I hear so many women talk as if they get a +OPK one day, maybe two. So when I got a +OPK five days in a row I was just taken back. Clearly 5 days is longer then 48 hours, you know? Needless to say I have since O’d so now I’m in the 2WW.

I’ve been charting for a while and have read TCOYF so I’m actually more knowledgeable about charting then I sound in my posts but sorry for sounding like such a dimwit. I’m sure I had you rubbing your head. :(

Thanks for helping.

lissy I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. If you need anything please let us know.

Rebecca

[Ericka_Jarett]

Temping is for after you have had at least 6 hours of sleep. Bumble, do you have that much time in before temping? Funny when I temp it's usually when hubby gets up for his shower, for the heck of it one day I temped after walking around for a bit and it was the exact same temp. When I fall back asleep I temp to see what it says and it's been about .5 over what it is first in the am.

[jennylou]

Actually, all you need is three hours of continuous sleep to get an accurate temp.

Cycle 1 was a bust, on to cycle 2 now.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Thanks Jenny

Weird, every site I read said 6 hours. Learn something new all the time.


I'm presently CD 26, DPO 3, at least that was the update my chart made this morning.

Someone asked me last night at VBS, how I was doing that she has been praying for me this week. Aside from the fact that I was vacation Bible school director, but also my baby girl, Rebekah's EDD is this Sunday. It's so surrel to me still, some days are tough and only the Lord can get me through, other times I don't even think about it much. I laid in bed yesterday and her whole birth flooded my brain. Told hubby I think this week coming up will head to NY to see my mom and have my yard sale. Just need to get away from it all.

[jennylou]

Ericka - Good luck this week. Milestones are tough. I agree with FF and would peg you at 3 dpo, good luck to you!

[LDS Angel 19]

welcome, lissy. I hope you're doing alright. I know what you mean about having people to talk to. Feel free to share whatever you want here.

All this charting talk is really interesting to me. I'm getting into it too now, for the first time. (Well, I bought a thermometer in Februrary, temped for like 4 days and got my BFP... :rolleyes: )
Anyway AF has made her return, so I started a fresh chart. I am pretty sure we will TTA this cycle, just to let ourselves relax a bit and give my body more time too.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

[papergirl]

ericka i hope this week isn't to hard on you. i'll keep you in my thoughts since i'm sure this is a very tough time.

and as jenny said, you need three hours of sleep to get an accurate temp. have you read TCOYF? it's not the most interesting thing to read but its very informative and states you need three hours. as does the FF site. i temp at 4:30am and usually go to sleep around 11pm. so i get about a good 5 hours of sleep. even if i have a hard time getting to sleep (which happens at least two nights a week) or if i got to bed late (which happens another two nights a week) i can still get three hours in and take my temp at the same time every night. takeing the temp at the same time seems to be key so i am very consistent with this. i set the alarm on my cell phone to go off. it has a light ring that isn't to loud and doesn't jolt me out of bed. it works for me and seems to be the best for my body.

Jenny good luck with cycle two. i'm cheering for you.

i am at 4DPO. thus far i'm doing good. not obsessing too much though i also don't feel like anything is going on. 8 more days of waiting.

[kdotp]

Okay Bumble that helps explain things. :) Personally, I've never used OPKs (I've looked and you're right, they are expensive), that's just what I've read other ladies who have used them say.

Good luck in the 2ww.

[Nigellas]

Lissette - I'm so very sorry about your loss. We are here to listen if you need to talk, screram, cry - Whatever.
(((HUGS)))

[Ericka_Jarett]

Welcome Lissette

Yesterday was Rebekah's EDD, it was an ok day, handled it better than I thought I would. More details of yesterday are in my journal if interested.

[JAYLIN]

So Sorry that you have to join us LISSETTE, but welcome.

ERICKA, I'm glad yesterday wasn't horrible...many thought and prayers are with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm just sitting here annoyed, in limbo. I'm on CD 31, no AF, no BFP.....I've testing about 20xs (I know, I'm obsessive about it) Either I'm pregnant or I'm not! Lets get things moving here...where is AF???

UGGHH, I hate this!!!

[Sully130]

Just wanted to say to Ericka that I'm glad the day wasn't too awful. I know that must have been hard. I know I'm dreading my upcoming due date. But in a way, I look at it as a chance to move on to the next stage--whatever that may be.

Maybe this cycle will be it for you. :)

Lissette, welcome to you. I'm so sorry you have to join this community.

-------
I am currently just starting my first 2WW since my loss. It's interesting. If I am pregnant, my testing date would be the day before or the day of my due date (August 20). Not sure how I feel about that. But I guess it would be nice to have a positive during that very difficult time. There are just such a wide range of emotions.

[Bubbas]

Just wanted to say to Ericka that I'm glad the day wasn't too awful. I know that must have been hard. I know I'm dreading my upcoming due date. But in a way, I look at it as a chance to move on to the next stage--whatever that may be.

I hated the fact that I wasn't pg by my due date but you're right in that it is a chance to move on. For me, it was the last stage or milestone to get through before being able to look forward.

Good luck in your 2ww!!

[jennylou]

sully - isn't it interesting how we relate anything ttc automatically to our angels? If we conceive this cycle, we'll be due about two weeks before Andrew's birthday.

[Sully130]

jenny - yes, I find it interesting how more than 15 weeks later, my life still revolves around my distance from that horrible event in my life. I'm constantly thinking how many weeks it has been, and I wonder when my life will not be measured in relativity to that day. I made the mistake (because it just gets me all the more excited and dreamy about it all) of checking to see what my due date would be if we conceived this cycle and was almost scared to see it's in April, a week after Hannah's birthday. I don't know why that freaks me out. Does it scare you?

Thanks for the luck Bubbas. I need it.

[Bubbas]

sully - isn't it interesting how we relate anything ttc automatically to our angels? If we conceive this cycle, we'll be due about two weeks before Andrew's birthday.

I got pg the same cycle exactly 1 year after my first pregnancy. My due dates were 2 weeks apart.

I thank my angel son all the time for giving his life so that we could have Zachary.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sully,

Thanks for the post.
I know what you mean about being a little scared. I did the due date thing too and 2 times I got the EDD of 4/18 which was when Rebekah was born. It's good in a sense though. Getting a BFP this month and having an April baby, where I was suppose to have an August baby but had her in April instead.

I will be thinking of you as Hannah's EDD arrives. I pray that you will have an easy time of it and that it will not overwhelm you. My pastor's wife said you know you will always miss the little one that went on before us, but be healthy and strong to carry the next baby, that way your little one in Heaven can rejoice over her little brother or sister. When the time is right my children will learn about their big sister Rebekah who is in Heaven watching over them and rejoicing in their life. I know Rebekah's having fun up in Heaven with Hannah and all the other babies that are up there. Remember our girls have their ballet shoes on and are dancing for Jesus.

I constantly think to myself, I made it this far, I can go all the way now. Rebekah took a piece of my heart with her the day she was born. My heart is big enough for other babies as well. I think of you ladies often in my prayers. May we all be blessed with special little bundles again, that our little ones in Heaven can rejoice over.

[LyLMyssChaos]

I just want to send hugs and spread lots of good luck vibes to all you ladies!! As a grad of this thread from that other site(we lost our second child at 15 weeks and delivered our 3rd this past April,) there is hope, and I know that you all will be the greatest mommies ever, more so now because you will know just how precious that little one is and how lucky you will be to have it with you!!! I will be lurking and cheering you on!!

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka- Glad to hear your day was not as bas as you expected. I hope for all of us as the milestones go by that it gets a little easier.

Sully- Good luck in the 2ww.

Gosh do I know what you girls mean about life and ttc being mesured by the dates of our angels. I confess, I have a ticker for Allison's birthday, but I also still have my pregnancy ticker. Not that I need it, I know of the top of my head that today would be 30wks3dys.
I am terrified of my duedate. But Ericka's expierance gives me a little hope.

Thanks LMC for stopping in. It's stories like yours that give me hope.



We went to look at markers for Allison yesterday. Didn't have much luck. They wanted $856.(!) They were trying to talk us into an 16x20 stone that would have to be turned sideways to fit on the plot. Ugh. Sort of insane. And it just makes the whole thing even more real, I guess. The only things I get to buy for my daugther are a casket and a grave marker.

Sorry for being so depressing, but this week is off to a really rough start.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Michelle, did I ever give you the info for the marker? I posted a pic of it in my journal as well.

[LDS Angel 19]

Ericka- Yeah, I asked you for it and you PM'ed it to me. Thanks. I am seriously considering getting the same one that you have if nothing else works out. It's a beautiful marker.

[Ericka_Jarett]

thanks. Just wanted to make sure I sent it to you. They are easy to work with and the size is perfect.

[papergirl]

AF poked her head in today. I’m disappointed but doing ok. Not like last cycle where I was angry and visibly upset for three days. However, I pretty much guessed nothing was going on a few days ago, got depressed and did shed a few tears.

I’ve decided that this cycle I need to step back. I’m still going to temp but I’m going to try and avoid the pregnancy threads, which are adding to my obsession. I need to stop obsessing, to stop being so disappointed when it doesn’t happen. I’ve finally reached that point were I’m not excited when I hear news that other people are pregnant. I don’t want to be like this.

ericka Your post to sully was beautifully written.

michelle I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

[Ericka_Jarett]

bumble,

Thank you for the compliment. Unfortunately, Sully and I share a common bond in a sense. In case you didn't know, we both lost our daughters the same week. I had my Rebekah on Monday and she got her bad news that day. She delivered on Friday of the same week, we were about 1 week and a few days apart with gestational age, plus both of us were on the August thread together.

Hoping all is going well Sully. (Prays for you)

[excitedbride]

Hi everyone. I am so sorry for not keeping up with this thread. But we are now able to ttc, after what seems like forever! Af started yesterday and I can start the clomid tomorrow.

[Sully130]

Thanks Ericka for your kind words the other day (and again Saturday). I agree, Hannah certainly took a piece of my heart too.

I would have stopped in earlier but I've been a bit frustrated the past week. Actually, I've been extremely frustrated. My body is very messed up and I just don't know what to do about it. I started lightly bleeding at 3DPO and it has continued ever since (I'm 9DPO today and might be starting AF today). So I'm pretty bummed.

But I realized this weekend that I never had my postpartum exam (I went for just a consult with my specialist) and I know my insurance will cover it without my having to jump through hoops for a referral. I just love health insurance. Ugh. Anyway, so I scheduled an appointment for tomorrow afternoon...hopefully AF will stay away.

We found out last week my DH will be leaving in mid-October for 3.5 months for military training. That of course gives us all kinds of pressure to be pregnant by then...but I just don't feel confident that it will happen with my body being so obviously messed up hormonally.

My due date is just around the corner, on Saturday. My mom and I are planning a trip to see her mom and sisters. My husband is on a short deployment, so I think it will be good to get out of town and try to get my mind on something else. We'll see how that goes.

excitedbride - Good luck on your first TTC cycle.

bumble, I'm sorry about the last cycle. I've been trying to step away from it all too. It's hard not to obsess.

LDS Angel - I hope your week got better. That must be so hard looking for grave markers. We had our DD cremated and part of the reason was because I knew how hard all of that would have been.

[jennylou]

sully - I'm sorry that you are going through a rough patch lately. :( I am sending you tons of good vibes that you will get pregnant again before your DHs deployment. Good luck at the doctor tomorrow.

[LDS Angel 19]

bumble, good luck this cycle. I hope you can relax a little, but I know how hard it can be.

excitedbride, Good luck to you too! Don't worry about keeping up, just stop in when you can.

Sully, Thanks. It did, a little. I hope your appt. goes well and you can get things figured out with your cycle.


As for me, We had a nice relaxing weekend which I terribly needed. I am SO ready for our anniversary trip in three weeks. DH and I talked about TTC and I think we are on the same page now. I just have to relax more and let nature take over for awhile I think.

Hope everyone is well, happy monday.

[jay&erinn]

Hi Ladies. I haven't been around much lately- work has been keeping me so busy that there's no lunch let alone any computer time :( . Guess it's good to be productive there.

We went away with family a few weekends ago- it was nice, but hard to be around my cousin who is due next month with her second. We also found out the day before we left that good friends of ours had their second baby. As if it's not stressful enough, I have to be happy for everyone else.

We spent this past weekend with DH's family. I've kind of distanced myself from them since the guilty comment my SIL made. I heard so many nasty things said about my other SIL (by the other SIL and MIL) in the few hours we spent with them, that I can just imagine what's said about me when I'm not around. Life's too short to be that mean, especially to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Question: For those of you that lost babies late in pregnancy or already have other children, have you kept your nurseries if they were finished? We'll be moving DD into our current room in a few months when the addition on the house is done. I'm torn on what to do. I don't want to give up hope on another baby, but don't know if I can handle seeing that room without a baby in it. Because of a lack of storage space, the room has to keep the baby swing, crib and exersaucer in plain view. It's just a constant reminder. The only other real options are to sell the stuff (a stupid move financially if we do end up getting pregnant again and it going to term). Just looking for some other experiences.

I've started spotting again. I'm not sure what's up. My first m/c I bled for 10 days and then AF came 30 days from the start of the m/c. This time I bled/spotted for two and a half weeks- finally stopped last Monday and started spotting again yesturday. I'm not sure if AF is trying to show up, or if it's my body all out of wack. Guess time will tell.

LDS Angel 19: Where are you going for your anniversary trip? DH and I wanted to get away this fall, but with a few weddings and family obligations, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.

sully: Good luck at your appt. Hope AF stays away for you and you can get some answers. I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

excitedbride: Good luck TTC!!!

bumble: Sorry about AF. I'm not sure how I'll feel when she shows up around here. With the last m/c I was relieved to get to try again- this time I think I'll be more afraid and sad.

[Ericka_Jarett]

X-posted from Seeing and Charting

I am out this cycle looks like for sure. AF showed her ugly face yesterday while I was on CD 35, DPO 12. Took a test got a negative, and than about 2 hours later she showed up. Totally bummed about it too. Had a good cry about it, since I would have loved to have gotten a positive this month. Maybe the Lord was sparing me though. Rebekah would have been turning 1 in April on the 18th and that was the day that kept coming up when I did the due date calculator if I was pregnant this cycle. Didn't have O pain like last month so not even totally sure I did O anyway. Oh well, on to next cycle, hubby will like all the extra BDing anyway I am sure. A May baby would be nice, heck at this point any month baby would be nice. My arms are aching. I told my mom, a friend of mine wants us over for dinner, now it will be after her mom leaves in 2 weeks. But she is pregnant and due in November (around her other son's 2nd b-day) and I just can't be around her right now. I love her like a sister (I don't have any) but I just can't do it. My mom said well take the time for yourself, that my friend will have to understand. (My mom knows my friend and her family) It's hard though.

To answer your question Erinn, (not that I had a nursery set up, since she was going to stay in our room, but I had the dresser filled with her items already) I would just keep the items and just move them to the side if possible (is the crib set up or still apart?) Could maybe you get a storage unit or even your parents or IL's hold the items for you? I know what you mean about getting rid of them and the finality of it all. My mom bought me our bouncer, pack and play, bassinett and several other items and I had a tote of clothes and jars of food. (the items mom bought are tucked away in a closet in the living room, the clothes are in the top of my closet and the food (good til 2007 and 2008) is under my bed in a tote. Sorry I can't help more.

[jennylou]

ericka - sorry about AF.

erinn - We had things throughout the house for Andrew. Like his bouncer in the living room, bath in the bathroom, etc. We had many people over after he died, and someone very kindly picked up all the stuff (including things like What to Expect When You're Expecting, Happiest Baby on The Block, parenting magazines, etc) and put them in the nursery. Everything still sits as it was, the items they collected throughout the house are lined up in front of the window. One day, I will go in there and organize everything, I've just not have had it in me at this point. The crib is still up and all his little clothes are still hanging in the closet. At some point, as I said, I will go in there and put things away where I'd like them, but I'm in no hurry. That bedroom door stays closed for the most part.

[LDS Angel 19]

Good morning Ladies.

Erin We're going to Toronto. It's only a few hours drive from where we live. I am so excited to just get out of town and relax. How are you doing? Has the spotting stopped?
To answer your question, I didn't have a room set up yet, but we had accumlated quite a few outfits and some other small items. They got boxed up when we moved a week after she was born, and the box sits unopend in a corner of the second bedroom/someday nursery. I can't wait to open it again.

Ericka Sorry about AF. I'm cheering for both of us for September.


As for me- I'm not sure I'm getting the hang of this charting thing. My temps have been all over the place. But it's alright. I've decided I'm not in a hurry, yet. I want to get Allison's marker ordered, and hopefully placed soon, I guess for a little bit of closure.

I have a question- Have any of you changed OBs/hospitals since your loss? This is something I am struggling with a little bit. I don't know if I can bring myself to go back to the hosptial where we lost Allison. A good friend of mine recommened me her OB and hospital. Her hospital specializes/is better prepared for high risk pregnancies and deliveries. I like my OB, but she's not affiliated with that hospital. I'm not sure what to do.

[Bubbas]

I have a question- Have any of you changed OBs/hospitals since your loss?

I most definitely switched OBs after my loss because I still blame him for not doing what he should have done to check if my water had broken. As it turns out, my new OB is in the same building but they are so much better and took great care of me during my second pregnancy.

I didn't have to worry about the hospital because I was out of town when I delivered my angel.

[Ericka_Jarett]

I thought about it, but I like 3 of the doctor's that I saw, didn't care for the other one. I will only make appointments with the 3 doctors (Siegel, Lambourne and Agar) and not the other one (Chao). One doctor (Lambourne) told me that if I call with an emergency again, to tell the receptionist you want a doctor to talk to immediately and you will wait on the phone, don't let them call me back. When I explained that it took almost 3 hours for a return call, the doctor (Agar) said she was going to talk to the office about that, it shouldn't have happened that way. I talked with Lambourne and asked her if I would have to see just a nurse if I came in again, she said definately not. Tell them you want to see a doctor not the nurse. Apparently she was told that I was examined the day I delivered but at my follow-up with her, I told her I wasn't checked because the nurse said there was too much fluid. Not that having gotten checked would have changed anything but she would have been able to get a culture done on me immediately.

I am going to be more in control of what happens with the next pregnancy. I told her that she can expect many phone calls all the time with every little thing, she said that's ok, do it if you need to.

[jennylou]

I will not be changing docs. However, our case is a bit different, since clearly, they were in no way at fault for what happened. There was no way humanly possible to foresee Andrew's death, he was a healthy baby at birth. As for the hospital, it is the one closest to where we live and we were treated wonderfully while we were there. I'm not going to say that it wasn't hard to go back because it was (we went for the autopsy results and had to go to L&D). I'm sure it will always be a sad memory. That said, I don't want room 9 again.

[LDS Angel 19]

Hi Ladies, just bumping us up a bit...

Thanks for you thoughts on changing doctors. I am pretty sure that I am going to change. I'm going to call my friend today and ask for her Dr's number.

Still not really getting this charting stuff. I know it dosen't help that I don't wake up at 6:30 on weekends to temp, and I've had a cold the past 3 or 4 days so I'm sure that's screwed up my temps too. But FF now seems to think I O'd way back on CD13. Who knows. :rolleyes: I'm already ready for the next cycle to start.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

[jay&erinn]

Changing docs: I considered it when they told me they wouldn't do anything after the second m/c and that the next pregnancy would basically be treated the same except for an earlier ultrasound. After talking to the nurse, she reassured me that they would do blood work and I'd be followed more closely the next time around. I'll just request to see one of the docs in the practice that I really like (3 out of 7 I really like). There are only 2 that I don't like and I had to see one of them after both of my m/cs.

The spotting turned into AF. I guess that's good. At least I know my body's somewhat on track again. Only having 6 days without some form of bleeding over the past month is getting a little old though. Now that I'm officially allowed to TTC again, I'm really nervous (petrified, is more like it). It's taken us between 4-6 months to get pregnant each time, so I don't want to wait, but if I get pregnant right away, I think I'll really be paniced. Why is it never easy?

LDS Angel: Did you go away, or is that still coming up? We have friends that live north of Toronto. It's a great city. I'd love to go explore it more, but Niagra Falls is a nice in between spot, so we usually meet them there.

[karlatta]

Changing Doctors - I am still with the same RE that I had when I miscarried. I never made it to seeing the OB with my pregnancy.

My first appointment after the miscarriage was in the same room and with the same nurse that we had the day of the ultrasound where we discovered our baby had died. And the appointment was another ultrasound. It was terribly hard, but the nurse was very understanding. The RE has since moved to a new building, and the nurse has left (she was PG and had a child), so I don't have those physical reminders every time I have an appointment. But it's still hard.

[papergirl]

Hi girls.

As I previously posted, I am trying to avoid the pregnancy threads this cycle and so far so good. I've been thinking a little less about TTC and how bad I want it, which I think I really need at this point.

Anyhow, I did want to pop in and see what everyone was up to. Once a week is OK, right?

LDS Angel: The times I wake up are very different on weekdays and weekends. What I ended up doing is temping early morning and then going back to sleep. So I temp at 4:30am all week and then go back to sleep and it works good. Maybe this is an option for you? I have a cell phone and use the alarm on there. I was able to pick a ring tone for the alarm and I picked one that is very low in sound so it's not blaring. This also means I don't have to reset my normal alarm.

[jennylou]

LDS - I seem to naturally wake up to pee every morning at the same time. That's when I temp. Then I'll go back to sleep. You may also want to try OPKs and check CM. That would give a more complete look to your chart.

[excitedbride]

Keeping with jay&erinn:

I am so scared right now. I am on clomid, CD10 and I am just petrified! I so badly want to be pg right now. But I am so afraid of something happening again. (this is our first cycle ttc after the m/c). I could just cry right now. Part of this is because I have some cavaities to be filled, and I heard somewhere that they can cause a m/c. I posted about it and have gotten some great responses. But I just want to get them taken care ASAP. Last time I was on Clomid I O'ed on CD16, so I need to get this done this week. Only problem, I don't have dental insurance. I have a Dr.s appt. Thursday, ( a clomid check) and I will ask her then. But I just can't help but feel like that maybe had something to do with the last m/c. I hadn't been to the dentist in 2 years! I hope you guys don't think I am crazy!

My sil who has been trying to have children for three years now is pg, with twins.

[jennylou]

I have never heard that about cavities. Never fear, you can even have them filled while pregnant.

[Sully130]

excitedbride - I haven't heard that about cavities either. I honestly think that sometimes there is too much information out there and a lot of it is speculation. That's why the internet can be so dangerous! Try not to stress too much about it and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. Good luck on this cycle. I know it's scary to get back in the "game," so to speak.

LDS - I do the same thing as jennylou, I get up to go to the bathroom every morning between 3:30-4:30 so I just temp then. Once you start getting in the rhythm of it, I know for me, I just wake up naturally then. I've been charting since Oct. 2003 though!

bumble - I hope you are doing well.


~~~~~~~

Well ladies, I made it past my due date on Saturday. In many ways, it allowed me to breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have that ominous date looming over my head anymore, you know? I expected it to be a day where I felt utterly helpless and had a neverending pity party, but I have reason for hope again.

I'm saying this very quietly, but last week my doctor absolutely shocked me with the news that I am pregnant. I went to see her because I started bleeding at 3DPO (and it continued until yesterday, nearly two weeks later). But turns out, it has been coming from spots on my cervix, not related to my pregnancy. So anyway, I found this out on Tuesday and though initially I was terrified, I now feel very peaceful about it all. With my last pregnancy I had a terrible feeling from the very start that I never could shake. So I hope this means something.

So far, my betas were: 10DPO - 57 and 12DPO - 200. My progesterone at 10DPO was 34! I go for my first ultrasound on Thursday (will just see a sac). The doctor I am seeing is the one I was supposed to see with my last pregnancy, but I never did b/c we had just moved here and I saw others in her practice before I was referred to high-risk specialists. I LOVE this doctor. She is fantastic. So that is very good.

Anyway, I hope you guys won't mind me sharing my news in here. I know I am incredibly blessed to get pregnant on our first month trying. It has been a great birthday present for me (I'm 30 today!).

No matter what happens, I will continue to follow along with all of you. But I'm no where near ready to join a pregnancy thread.

[Ericka_Jarett]

A cautious Congrats to you Sully. I'm thrilled for you.

[LDS Angel 19]

Thanks for the charting tips. I'm going to get more serious about it next cycle.

Congrats, Sully! I don't know about anyone else, but I think it's perfectly fine for you to share your news here. While I am a tiny bit jealous, it also gives me hope. I'll be praying that everything goes well for you. When you're ready, I could update your stats with your due date and such if you would like.

eta: Happy Birthday too :)

[jay&erinn]

Congrats Sully. I think it's great for you to share your good news here. It gives me hope that I'll be able to join you some day soon. Please keep us updated on how you're doing and how the ultrasound goes.

[excitedbride]

Thank you guys for answering my silly question! You know how it is, you hear something like that and it just sticks with you. I am hopefully going to be able to take care of it within the next month.

Sully130 Congratulation's! I am so happy for you. I pray that all goes well.

Thank you, it is very dangerous to have so much information out there available to us. I just need to ignore some of it.

[jay&erinn]

Glad to hear the cavity thing isn't a big deal- I have to have 2 filled next week- YUK.

excitedbride: Good luck this cycle. It's definately scary. I think we all look for every possible reason to explain the unexplainable.

bumble: These boards are addicting, even if they do make us crazy. Once a week is better than I can do.

I had a nice but busy day today. I fit hearing aids on an elderly gentleman that is blind. It was a challenge, but he really impressed me with his patience and determination. He was also all smiles when he realized all he's been missing with his hearing loss. We had a nice talk about his sight. It was a big medical mistake that he lost his vision. He told me that one day he woke up and told himself that he could either continue to feel sorry for himself and cry about what happened, or he could make the best of it and live his life. Nice lesson for me right now. I've had a much harder time emotionally with this past miscarriage. I definately need to take a cue from him and accept it and move on instead of dwelling on it. I've always thought that things happen for a reason. Glad I slowed down enough to really talk to him today and realize part of the reason he may have shown up in my office.

[taraw]

Congratulations Sully130!!

I had my miscarriage in April. We have been trying to get pg again ever since. AF is due on Saturday, I know that I should have waited until at least Saturday to test but I couldn't stand it. I tested this morning and got a BFN. I am pretty disappointed. I realize that I could still get a BFP in a few days but I am doubtful. I used a First Response test which detects as little as 25 mIU. I haven't been charting, but maybe it is time to start that back up again. I wish that I could get my mind off of TTC for a while. My DD is 2 today and we are having a party for her on Saturday. That should keep me busy/distracted for a couple of days.

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: Keep your chin up ;) . After my first m/c, it took us 6 months to get pregnant again. It was really stressful. Every month was such a let down. Maybe temping would help. I've never done it, but think I O earlier than I originally thought (temping would probably confirm it). When I got pregnant with DD, I think I O'd only a few days after AF disappeared. The second pregnancy we weren't trying and thought we were "safe" not being careful only a day or so after AF was gone. We were careful the rest of the month and I ended up pregnant. This time around I'm trying to time it a little better so it doesn't take another 6 months to get pregnant.
Enjoy your DD's birthday! That'll be my distraction when AF is due next month too.

[excitedbride]

jay&erinn That is really powerful. I think he was definetly sent to you for a reason. I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason. But have had a hard time trying to come to terms with that regarding my m/c. I have my good days and bad days.

taraw I am sorry for the BFN. I am glad you have your DD party to keep you occupied. This is our first cycle trying since the m/c, and I am not sure how hard it is going to be to get a bfn. So I do sympathize with you.
~~~~~~~~~

This is from my LJ. I hope it makes some sense.

So I went to the Dr. this morning, for my Clomid check. They are checking for cysts, as that can happen while on Clomid. I was told to go on CD14. Today is actually CD13 but she isn't in on Fridays. She gets in there and says that I am early. That she generally likes to see people between days CD14 and CD21. I said well, I was just following orders from the nurse. (which I was) She still checked, and there aren't any cysts. I had questions to ask, but I didn't. Not sure why. lol! They weren't a big deal. She wants me to go in on CD21 to get bloodwork, she will test my progesterone then. Then if I am pg this cycle to call in and tell them that I need to get blood work done that day to test my progesterone. I asked her if I could just get the Rx for that right now because the pharmacy is across the street from her office. So she gave it to me. I had understood from our last appt. that I was to take it starting CD21, but now she says to wait to see what the results are. I am a little concerned, because with my last pg, my prog was fine, but then went down. I would rather just start it to be on the safe side. She says that prog isn't always going to help. And that even if there was a chormosomal problem the progesterone wouldn't have helped, and that is just what she things happend. I am also concerned because I needed the prog with my first pg, and I am pretty sure that I have an LP problem, and that has to do with prog, so I am just going crazy now with all this worrying. I do trust that I am in good hands, so we shall see what happens. My fingers are crossed, and I am trying my hardest to believe that all will be well.

I am just so worried about the progesterone. I O late and have short LPs. I know I have low progesterone. It was so exciting my last pg to have high progesterone, but then it went down, which I am now assuming was just a sign that I was m/c. I dunno. I just wish this wasn't so hard.

[papergirl]

Sully I am doing well. Thanks for asking. And congratulations on your great news. When I read that you were pregnant my heart stopped from happiness. I wish you the best with this pregnancy. And have to agree, I love hearing great news like this in the TTC after a Loss thread. It provides us with hope and excitement that it can, and will, happen for the rest of us.

erinn I wish I could visit these threads daily and not go crazy. I commend those of you who can. It wouldn’t be so bad except I was getting very depressed about reading everyone else’s good news, which wasn’t right. I’m doing much better now and will probably come around more when I have good news to keep me happy.

This week I should O so the BD fest will begin shortly. I hope this is the cycle for us but I think I’m OK if it isn’t. More then likely I will be going through the 2WW while on a trip to Costa Rica with my husband and mother. I think that will be good and help keep me from investing too much emotion into “what if.”

Sending baby dust to all those TTC.

Rebecca

[excitedbride]

Good luck bumble!

[taraw]

I am going crazy. AF was due to come this past Saturday. I had a bit of spotting on Thursday night which I thought could be implantation spotting. However, I took a PG test on Saturday morning and one again this morning and both were BFN. AF is officially 2 days late but still getting BFN. :( I used First Response tests which should be detecting 25 mIU.

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: Could you call the doc and ask for a blood draw? Let them know that AF is late, but you keep getting negative pregnancy tests. At least you'd know for sure- and probably by the end of the day or early tomorrow.

[taraw]

That's a good idea jay&erinn, I think I will give them a call.

[dpangel33]

Well here I am as I started to m/c last week.

Stats:
Me: Danea (22)
FH: Patrick (24)
Wedding: 10-16-05
M/C: at 7 wks

We weren't TTC as we are getting married in a few months, but it happened. In all the shock we decided to keep it hush hush and wait for the first u/s. But then I started bleeding last week and called the Dr who had me come in immediately only to find out the sac had collapsed and I was having a m/c. Even though it was still early in the pg it has been hard.

My Dr said the sac should have passed in the last 48 hrs so now I have to call to confirm it didn't which means I face having a possible D&C.

I'm sure I'll be back with more questions but for now I just have one. For those who had a D&C how long did it take to recover?

You are all in my thoughts and prayers and I send baby dust to those who are TTC!!

[Ericka_Jarett]

Sorry to hear of your loss Danea. No matter planned or not, losing a baby is hard. Feel free to ask questions and vent when you need to.

[shouldaeloped]

Sorry to hear about your loss Danea. I had a d&c May 26th. Physically, I felt fine 24 hours later but had to stay away from physical activity (like jogging and such) for 2 weeks. Emotionally, this was my second misccarriage so I can't really comment on that. it has been much harder than my first. (my first one was natural). cycle-wise, my first two cycles after the d&c were each 41 days. I am really hoping it goes back to normal this month.

please take care of yourself. .

[taraw]

Danea, I am so sorry for your loss. I didn't have a D&C so I cannot offer any advise on that. Please ask any questions or just post to get things off of your chest.

[jay&erinn]

Danea- Sorry about your loss. There's a lot of great support and advice from these ladies. I haven't had a D&C with either m/c, so I'm no help there. Keep us updated.

Taraw: Any news?????

Bumble: We'll be O'ing about the same time. Let the stress begin :rolleyes: I thought it's be OK not to get pregnant right away, since I'm not completely recovered emotionally from the last m/c, but now I'm already stressing about not getting pregnant quickly. Unfortunately DH has been working crazy hours and I think we may already have missed the best timing for us. Hopefully knowing that will make the let down easier.

[karlatta]

Welcome, Danea. I'm so sorry to see another one join our ranks, but I hope we can be of help.

I miscarried at 8 weeks and had a D&C. Recovery was not too bad. I had it done on a Saturday morning and spent most of Saturday laying around and letting DH take care of me. Sunday morning I was still a little weak, but I was able to go to church and take a walk with DH and stuff. Monday morning I returned to work.

I had a lot of cramping for the first few days after the D&C. I mostly just felt like I was on my period - so it wasn't so bad. It was much harder for me emotionally than it was physically. I hope everything goes okay for you.

[dpangel33]

Thanks Ladies, you have all been so kind!

I had a follow up appt today and apparently everything passed naturally. Which is weird because the Dr said I should pass something half the size of my fist. Well I of course kept an eye out for anything but the bleeding stopped sat and I never saw any reminants.

So now I don't have to have a D&C (whew) but I did have to get a rhogam shot which nearly made me pass out in the office :o .

I wish you all the best of luck and thanks for the kind thoughts.

[taraw]

AF played a nasty, dirty trick on me this month! AF was 3 days late, but did arrive yesterday afternoon. :( I hadn't been temping/charting since the miscarriage, but I have decided to start back up with it. Hopefully it will happen soon for us. I just really want to be PG by the end of Nov. That is when I would have been due with the baby I miscarried and I know I will be really sad if that day comes and I am not PG again.

[excitedbride]

taraw I totally understand how you feel. I really hope to be pg by December as that is when I would have been due. My fingers are crossed for you! I really think charting is a good idea, at least you will know what is going on.:0

[jay&erinn]

Taraw: I'm sorry to hear about AF. I remember it being really stressful to be pregnant by my due date. I found out I was pregnant one month prior. I'm not sure I feel that same pressure this time around (good thing since I only have 5 cycles this time around before my due date). Some ladies felt relieved either way. If they were pregnant, great. If not, they at least felt that the pressure was gone. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Danea: Don't you love that Rhogam :rolleyes: . I think it depends who gives it. I've had it 4 times now, and this last time was the worst. I practically scooting away from the nurse during the injection. A few times I barely felt it. Go figure.

Not much going on around here. A good friend of mine just had a baby over the weekend. I'm really happy for her, but sad for us. My m/c was only 6 weeks ago and already 2 good friends have delivered, one more due in 3 weeks and another in December. Nothing like being bombarded all at once.

[excitedbride]

10DPO, took a test and it is a BFP. But a very, very, very faint line. I have been spotting for the last three days. And I have had some cramping this morning. I am trying not to get too excited. I had this wierd pain in my stomach yesterday that totally hurt if I was standing. Thankfully that is gone today. I am waiting for 9am to come around so I can call my Dr., I will be going in for bloodwork. I almost wish I hadn't taken the test, I mean what if this turns out to be a m/c? I would have rather not known that I was even pg this early.:(

[taraw]

Good Luck with your Dr. appt. excitedbride. I will be keeping my fingures crossed for you that this one sticks! :)

[excitedbride]

Thank you Tara Just had some red spotting so I don't know what is going on.:(

[JAYLIN]

EXCITEDBRIDE.. I've got my fingers crossed for you, I know what you mean about getting a + early. I usually started testing DPO 7 (because I'm an impatient lunatic!) but sometimes it's better not knowing in case something would go wrong very, very early. But I'm saying some prayers that all is good!!!

Well I'm in the 2ww, DPO 8ish, I don't temp. I've already tested 2xs, BFNs of course, I wasn't expecting much. But I'm figuring I'm guaranteed a BFN because I had 2 Smirnoff Ices this weekend and I painted my DR. So I'm sure I'll end up pregnant, that way I'll be worried the whole time about the alcohol and paint fumes that baby was subjected to so early on!

I'm am feeling quite wierd/queasyish today. I love how I can over analyze everthing, I can pretty much turn anything into a pregnancy symtom! God, TTC can make you looney!

[taraw]

Any news yet, excitedbride?

Good luck JAYLIN!

[excitedbride]

I forgot to come in here and update. Sorry laides!

I must have gotten a false positive? Or maybe I was pg? Who knows? The Dr. called me back and said my bloodwork was less then 2. My progesterone on Friday was 11.8, she said good, but likes it higher with Clomid. She is going to put me on a higher dose of clomid this cycle. My temp went way down today also.

Good luck JAYLIN TTC, really does drive you looney! lol!

[taraw]

I am so sorry excitedbride. Better luck this cycle.

[jay&erinn]

excitedbride: I'm sorry. I can just imagine how bummed you must be. Hopefully you didn't have to wait long to hear from the doctor.

JAYLIN: Good luck. How often are you testing?

I'm on CD21. No idea how many DPO since I don't temp and didn't have any O pain this time (sometimes I get it and sometimes I don't). I had some cramping on sunday (almost like a sharp pulling sensation) that I only remembering getting in the early weeks of pregnancy when I move a certain way, cough or sneeze. However I haven't had it since, so maybe I do get it at other times. Nothing like driving myself crazy.

[excitedbride]

Tara Thank you.:)

jay&erinn It is hard, as I conceived my first cycle with clomid with DS, so I guess my hopes were up too high. Hopefully this next cycle will be it.

My fingers are crossed for you. When do you plan on testing?

[jay&erinn]

excitedbride: At least they figured out that they need to increase your Clomid. Would you have found that out otherwise?
I probably won't test until the end of next week, the beginning of the week after if AF doesn't show. With all 3 of my pregnancies I've had really strong symptoms in the beginning, so I always knew before I tested. I'd rather see AF than see a BFN, so we'll see. It's hard to believe that if I get pregnant in the next 2 months, it will be my 3rd pregnancy in less than a year. If only one of them would stick.

[JAYLIN]

EXCITEDBRIDE.....I'm so sorry, I hope you get some answers soon!

JAY&ERINN....Good luck with your testing and I admire your patience (I have none!) I'm the complete opposite, I would rather test like a maniac expecting a BFN and if it's a BFP it'll be a wonderful surprise. I usually test 2xs a day once with FMU and then before bed...just incase something happened during the day!

I'm 10 DPO (maybe) and still BFNs, still keeping my hopes up that maybe one of these tests will turn out positive!

Oh and ERINN, I understand what you mean about the 3 preg in a year "thing". I can't even believe when I get preg again (God willing), when the nurse asks me how many times have I been pregnant, I am going to be saying 6!!! And they are so stupid they always make me explain to them the timeline and outcomes....like it's not in my 10inch thick file!!!!!!

[shouldaeloped]

Hello there everyone! It's been a while since I have been here, went through some pretty tough times after my second m/c in May but am trying really hard to get back on the bandwagon. Currently on 8 DPO and with my temps looking the way they do, I don't think there is much a chance this month. I am usually pretty manic with testing too and got a BFN at 5 DPO and am really trying to keep from testing until atleast 12 DPO. we'll see if I can hold out.

and ditto on the 3 pregnancies in one year- that just doesn't seem right. or fair for that matter.

I have a question for those of you on Clomid or using other fertility assistance. after my second m/c, I asked my Doctor how long I would have to try until I could come see her for help (I am 33 now) and she told me that we would have to try for a year before she would help us out. does that seem like a long time to anyone? just curious- she told me not to worry about issues that don't seem to apply to me as I conceived twice in 6 months, I just couldn't hang on to either of them. I feel like 6 months would be more reasonable. . any thougths on that subject? I am considering looking for another doctor but I have been through so much with her.

[jay&erinn]

shouldaeloped: Welcome back :) . Hopefully your stay will be short.

JAYLIN: 2x/day :eek: . You should take stock in HPT companies ;) . I just hate seeing that BFN. I actually don't even have any HPTs in the house. I figure if AF is late, I'll pick one up the end of next week. I have a lot going on, so that helps keep my mind off of it. The busier I stay the less I obsess. Of course, the more cycles that go by, I get more and more obsessed, I must admit :rolleyes: .

[RileyMom]

Hi ladies. I wasn't sure whether I was ready to be part of an on-line miscarriage group, because I am still reeling and in a state of disbelief. But I am needing some support right now, and I am hoping someone can offer some advice.

I found out that I lost the baby last week, and had a D&C last Friday at 9 weeks. To make matters worse, I am celebrating my birthday next week, the big ole' ripe age of 39. I am feeling like the hopes of giving my daughter a sibling are being dashed as I speak.

To make things worse, there is a girl that I work with who found out she was pg right after me. Our due dates were only a few days apart. I work in a very small office (15 people) so I see her every day, and she is actually on my "team." How in the world am I going to deal with that? I am happy for her, and I want only the best for her. But I just don't know how I am going to deal with the constant reminder of where I "should" be at any given time. Am I being stupid? Selfish? Do I just need to push aside my feelings?

I was also due only a week after my nephew's birthday, who was just born this past April. My SIL and I had often talked about the possibility that they would share a b-day. (Her due date was the same as mine.) So when we celebrate his first birthday, we will also be mourning our baby's loss all over again. How do I deal with that, while honoring such a fun milestone as his first birthday? Should I even go? Everyone there will know that this was our baby's due date too. Ugh. I just don't know how I am going to handle all this. :(

ETA: I've talked to my DH about both of these things, and he doesn't seem to understand, which is just adding to my feelings of confusion. Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing? :confused:

[Nigellas]

RileyMom - I'm so very sorry about your loss. I had a similar thing happen with me at work- one of my coworkers due date was only a few days after mine should have been- It was awful. You are not being selfish or stupid. Your feelings are completely valid - It's horrible to loose a baby and to have to be constantly reminded of it all the time makes it even harder.
(((HUGS)))

[dpangel33]

RileyMom so very sorry about your loss. And you are not alone as I share some of your exact feelings.
[[[[[HUGS]]]]]

[shouldaeloped]

Rileymom- I am so sorry. I don't know if any of this will help but I figure the more people that can relate, the easier it might be. I am in a similar situation. I have miscarried twice in 6 months. my second miscarriage was a d&c and my due date was one week before one my closest friends. she is going along strong and I have to see her quite often. . especially since her DH is close friends to my DH. it's painful and to be quite frank, it hurts worse every time I see her. I don't understand why she can have a successful pregnancy and I lose TWO!!! that being said, I keep telling myself that this isn't a race with my friend- it's my journey to have a family and it just happens to be harder than hers. or anyone else's I know. but I also know that I am not giving up and one day, I'll have that baby in my arms and it won't matter anymore.

none of this helps, I know. I really just want to kick and scream and cry and beat the wall in. . and I've done some of that. so just try to take it one day at a time and eventually, hopefully, you will feel just a little better.

take care of yourself. . .

[RileyMom]

Thank you all. I didn't get back in yesterday because I was at home and have very slow dial up which is a real pain. I am back at work today and attempting some semblance of normalcy.

Thank you for sharing your stories, it does help a lot. And shouldaeloped, you are absolutely right, it is MY journey and comparing it to someone else's is pointless. I am still hoping against all hope that this was just a fluke thing, and that there is still hope of giving Riley a sibling. I am so dreading my birthday next week, because its just another reminder of the clock ticking. Ugh.

BTW, I apologize if my post was not relevant in this thread. I realize this is a thread about TTC after a m/c (which we will) but I could not find a general m/c thread. Thanks again everyone.

[Smillow]

RileyMom-
I am so sorry to hear about your m/c. At 38 I completely understand how you are feeling regarding time running out, etc. I had a m/c last year at 37 and no luck getting pg since then. It is very difficult not to get into a panic that time is running out and at the same time mourn your loss and deal with the unfairness and pain with all of the births & birthdays and due date anniversaries. If it helps at all, I am crying right now "with" & for you.
My husband thinks he is being supportive when I feel like he is being dismissive of my feelings when I express panic or grief. This is a very big deal - it is your life and we only get one shot at it and it is so difficult when your dreams elude you. I have found myself becoming really unlike "me" when I avoid talking to someone who is pregnant or who has an infant or I think might be pregnant. The only person I have been able to handle children-wise is my sister. I am jealous of everyone else. I hate that, but right now it is a survival method. Give yourself permission to be selfish and sad. You are grieving and it is a big deal.
{{{hugs}}}

[RileyMom]

Smillow- I am crying right now after reading your post. :( Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot. I feel guilty about how I feel right now, because after all, I do have one child and I suppose many people would say I should feel fortunate (and I do, God knows I do.) But it has always been a dream since she was born that I would give her a sibling, and now I don't know if that will ever happen. I feel like I am failing her, as well as my husband.

And on the resentment/jealosy thing, I am right there with you. I hate that I feel this way. Right now I just hate the world and I don't want to talk to anyone - least of all pregnant women or women with infants. Everyone is a walking reminder of how my body failed me, and how I failed my family.

I am also dealing with a lot of guilt, because when we found out we were pregnant, we were unprepared for the news and fought a lot. My husband was not happy at all, and we fought a lot over the financial implications of what this would bring. I can't help but think God is punishing us because we didn't welcome this pregnancy with open arms at first. My husband is really struggling with this now. Oh, how I wish I could take back some of the arguments we had at the beginning when we were so scared of being pg again. What idiots we were. I remember being so upset with my husband that I accused him of wishing the baby away and that maybe he would be happier is something happened to the baby. :( Oh how those words sting now. :(

[jay&erinn]

RileyMom: I think coming here to post and find support is completely appropriate. I think that's how all of us started here. We also continue to come back time and time again for support as milestones come and go. I also have some feelings about trying to be happy with what I have (our DD's are only 2 months apart :) ). She's the joy of my life, but I can't imagine not giving her a sibling. I've always felt that having a sibling means you always have someone in this world. Now that she's turing 2 next week, I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to give her that. I also worry that I didn't enjoy her enough, thinking I'd always get another shot at having another baby.
As for you and your husband- I think m/c leaves a lot of guilt in all of us- regardless of what the doctors say. The what ifs will haunt you for awhile. It would be so much easier if there was just an answer as to why it happened. But it does pass. Once the hurt of the loss lessens, you'll think more clearly and realize that there really isn't anything you did to "deserve" this. If that were the case, the many people I see every day that are mean to their kids or intentionally hurt them, would never be able to have another, and we'd have more than we know what to do with.

[excitedbride]

Rileymom I tried posting in here yesterday, but my computer was acting up. I m/c at 10 1/2weeks, in May. We are currently trying to TTC. But I wanted to let you know that I m/c the day after my DS 1st Birthday party. It sucks to have that memory along with his birthday party. Also, someone I know that I see and hear alot about is pg also, she was due just a couple of weeks ahead of me. Seeing or hearing about her is hard. Especially at the beginning. But it does get better with time. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[RileyMom]

excitedbride- That is just awful about it being near your son's birthday. :( That just doesn't seem fair. :(

I spoke with my co-worker who is pg this morning. She of course feels terrible that this happened and that we won't be sharing pregnancy together. I am hoping that as the pain lessens, I will be able to share her journey with her and be excited for her. Right now I just can envision her growing and her baby getting healthier while mine is gone. I would never wish anything bad for her, and pray that her pregnancy is healthy. It just hurts. :(

jay&erinn I think the guilt is what is killing me right now. No matter how much the doctors tell me I am not to blame, it doesn't matter. :( I hope this feeling will pass.

[jay&erinn]

RileMom: The guilet may never completely pass (at least not during the tough moments), but will get better. My 1st m/c, I questioned everything I did- from not being as consistent with my prenatals, to coaching volleyball (I'm pretty active when I coach- often playing with the girls before I knew I was pregnant). This past time was even harder. I made it to almost 12 weeks (11w, 6d) and thought about everything I might have done. Of course, then I started with, "Am I a bad mom, or a bad person." Also thinking that I was being punished. Then I see all kinds of wonderful people that have been through the same thing- they certainly aren't bad people, and they also deserve a baby. I realize these things now, but am sure I'll feel a lot of guilt when my due date comes around. There are definately tough moments.

AF is starting today. It's frustrating. I just wonder why, if I have to lose the babies, I can't at least get pregnant right away. I know 4 and 6 months of trying is not long, but when you miscarry after trying for so long, it seems like an eternity. I just keep thinking that if it takes 6 months like last time and I miscarry again- it'd be another year before I might possibly be pregnant again. I hate the math games.

[shouldaeloped]

I am so thankful this conversation has started over here. while I wish miscarrying never happened to any of us, the fact of the matter is that it has and we need to deal with it the best we can. I have been looking for a place to talk about it and I think the miscarriage support group is missing over here.

I miscarried at 12w2d the first time and 9w2d the second time and I too have second guessed everything I have done. down to the decision to have the d&c for my second miscarriage. what if I really didn't need it. maybe the baby was just taking a small break with his heartbeat. did I choose to end this pregnancy? I think that's why the second one was so much harder than the first which was natural. I had no choice there. I know they say time heals. . . but it sure had been a long time. I never thought I would become so well versed in self-lectures!

AF started for me today too. . if I conceived this month, it would have been the same amount of time that it took between m/c. I was hoping it would be easy again. my doctor says I have to wait a year before she helps me to conceive if we have trouble this time. I know that hasn't been our issue but since I'm 33, that seems like a long time. anyone have any personal experiences with that?

rileymom- again, I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. I really hope that time and tons of future baby dust can help to heal us all.

erinn- I completely agree with you. if the babies are going to be taken away from us, give us another chance. Quick! we deserve that!

[RileyMom]

Oh, my goodness. The second-guessing myself is driving me mad. Here are the things I have come up with that I did to cause the m/c:

1) I took baths with my daughter while pg. Granted, I only ever have the water slightly warm and barely high enough to cover my legs, so common sense would tell me that it shouldn't have been enough to raise my body temperature. But I will always wonder if it was enough to kill the baby. I should have stopped taking baths with her.

2) We went camping two weeks ago and sat around the campfire well into the night. I inhaled too much carbon monoxide from the wood burning campfire.

3) I was dehydrated the last two weeks of my pregnancy because water made me sick.

4) I missed a few of my prentals.

It goes on, and on, and on.

Thank you so much for this thread. I am sorry we all have to deal with this. It just plain sucks in every way imaginable. :(

[LyLMyssChaos]

OML ~(sorry, I know you have a new user name here, but old habits, ya know!?) I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a child is never easy and it's even harder when you feel like you are running out of time to try again. And I know it's hard, but you cannot blame yourself for what happened. You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you try to recover from your loss.

[RileyMom]

Thank you LMC. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to me.

[Ericka_Jarett]

Riley,

Sad welcome to you, I remember talking with you on WC a few years ago. Don't blame yourself for the m/c, it wasn't your fault.

I unfortunately did the same thing when I lost my Rebekah. I thought since I had forgotten my prenatals for a few days, I lifted a few light boxes that weekend, I traveled 300 miles from home, I put together baby equipment while sitting on the floor, why didn't I rest more, why, why why? I found out my loss was caused by 2 cervical bacteria I had, know how I felt hearing that? I felt like for sure I killed my daughter, I had these bacterias, something I did caused me to get them and they ended up killing my first baby. Doctor doesn't know how I got them, what caused them, she only really knows what caused them had they been in my blood stream instead of my cervix. She doesn't know exactly why my cervix opened to allow these bacterias in and cause the infection in the baby's placenta, which is what ultimately took her life.

Told my husband after a few of the plants that we got started to die (which by the way just about the last 2 plants are now dead) that see I can't even keep plants alive. It hurts like heck even now, it's been almost 5 months since I lost her, but I am healing slowly still.

You will survive, as much as it sucks to go through all this at this time. You will wake up as time passes and feel a little better. That baby even though so young will always be a part of you. God knows our why ?'s before we even ask them, sometimes we get the answers and sometimes we don't. Sometimes those answers we get are not what we want to hear so I think God spares us hearing them at times. I will be praying for you and your family as you deal with this precious loss. Keep looking up, God's bigger than we are and you will be blessed.

[RileyMom]

Thank you Ericka. I remember reading your heartwrenching story and how it brought tears to my eyes that any family would have to endure that. I hope you get that BFP very, very soon. You certainly deserve to have another baby in your arms and be happy. Hugs to you.

I know I will feel better as time goes on. I can't go on like this forever. I just wish I knew what happened. It feels like I could move on if I knew. Without knowing, I will always wonder. I think we instinctively look for answers when tragedy happens, and the awful thing about m/c is there often isn't any.

[Bubbas]

I am so sorry for all of the newcomers!!

I have seen the need in the last couple of days and I am going to start a M/C and Infant Loss Survivors thread over here, I was just waiting to get some info sent to me. I'm not sure where this thread should be placed, though. If anyone has any suggestions, they will be very welcome.

Thanks!

Jamie

[taraw]

RileyMom, I am very sorry for your loss and I totally understand your guilt. I did/do the same thing. I went to the dentist before I knew that I was PG and think that the x-rays could have had something to do with it. I traveled and my suite case was kind of heavy, maybe I shouldn't have picked it up? A ton of these things go through my head as well. I think we all have some guilt over the "what ifs". I will be praying for you in this rough time.

[LyLMyssChaos]

I just stumbled across this song on a miscarriage/infant loss messageboard that I lurk at, and it brought me so much comfort that I wanted to share it with you ladies(he said he wrote it about miscarriage):

Listen to My Name (http://www.georgecanyonstreetteam.com/mynamepage/)

My Name
by George Canyon

It’s cold in here fells like everything’s upside down
I can feel you talking but I can barley make out the sound
I been kicking around these parts, feels like a year
I’m gonna change this world if I ever get out of here
She wants to dress me in pink, paint’s my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, because only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven’t learned any fear any pain
It’s kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they’ve got me, to blame
And they don’t even know my name
And they don’t even know my name

Well I’ve never felt so ready, think it’s finally time
Cause that big old world is waiting, and it’s mine all mine
Just then everything got real quiet, it got real bright
And a man took my hand said don’t worry, your mommas gonna be alright
Then he opened the gate, & I followed him in
Said you can wait right, here till it’s your turn again
And his love is the one true emotion
Heaven knows no fear no pain
I never got to set my wheels in motion
But they loved me just the same
And they never even knew name
Didn’t even know my name
You loved me just the same
And you didn’t even know my name

[chagtown]

It will be nice to get to know you all, but I am sad to be joining. I am currently going through my second miscarriage. Along with you, I wonder why??? I wanted this so much and I could just die knowing that I will never get to see this one. We lost our first one after 4months of trying in July/05 and then I found out that I was pregnant again two weeks ago. Both times they have been very early. We did get pregnant again right away, but it is ending like this... I honestly don't know when we will try again. I feel like I took the other as well as I could, but with this one....I feel myself falling apart. We waited awhile and just told our parents on Sunday when we were all together and then yesterday I started spotting and by this morning I was passing tissue..... I am waiting for my doctor to call with my HcG level from yesterday. For any of you that have had two miscarriages, are there any tests that I should ask for or specific questions????

Here is my info....
Me: Alissa, 26
DH: Brian, 28
Married: July 5, 2003
MC: July, 05
MC: Sept, 05

[JAYLIN]

RILEYMOM & CHAGTOWN.....I am so sorry you both are here. Gosh, RILEYMOM, I could have written everything you have posted, the guilt, secondguessing, the jealousy. Basically just saying "why me?". I've had 3m/cs, why me?

LYLMYSSCHAOS.....OMG, what a song, that stuff always makes me cry. I printed it out and I'm going to put it in my box with other poems and stuff from all my m/cs. Thank you so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were on vaction last week and was really hoping for a BFP, instead it was just frustrating, I tested at least 30times! All BFN but no sign of AF either. I finally called the dr. yesterday I was on CD 39 with no AF and BFNs. The nurse at least said she would have the dr call me to discuss things. Still waiting for that call. I posting the question over in FP, does anyone know what this could mean? My cycles have been 39, 31, 34 and 39days since my D&E. Do long cycles mean I'm not Oing? Any ideas what they can do for me.

It's getting so frustrating because we've never had problems getting preg. We been extremely lucky. I'm so afraid after the 2nd D&E that things are going to be messed up.

All I think about these last few day is that I should be 7mos preg right now. I should be wearing my maternity clothes! It's sad to see my due date so quickly approaching and I'm still not pregnant, I know so many of you feel that way! And then the pregnant friends/family don't help the situation. Why does it seem like everyone IRL goes on to have healthy pregnancies and I stuck here having 3 M/Cs......where's the fairness in that????

Ok, that's my vent for today....thanks for listening!

[RileyMom]

Chagtown I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. I would think that 2 m/c would be enough to have testing done. I can only imagine the confusion and pain you must be experiencing right now. {{{HUGS}}} I know that even after one m/c I am groping and searching for answers. I can imagine what it must feel like to have it happen twice. Please be vigilant and pro-active with your doctors. You deserve some answers.

Jaylin- Sorry to hear about the long cylces. I do think that charting may help you figure things out and give you some clue as to whether you are o'ing. (I'm betting you still are.) Hopefully they will go back to "normal" on their own.

[shouldaeloped]

LyLMyssChaos- wow. I think I should have read that at home as I am now tearing up in the office. that was pretty amazing. thanks for posting that.

chagtown- I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have had 2 m/c very close together. jan 05 and may 05. my doctor decided to be very proactive with determining why I lost two in a row. she ran several tests: the first was chromosomal testing on the second fetus. I had a d&c so they had the tissue to do the test. if you m/c naturally, like it sounds like you have, then I don't think they can do that. it tells you if something was wrong with the fetus. second: we did a sonohysterogram to see if there were any fibroids or cysts on my uterus that would keep the fetus/placenta from implanting. third- she did a ton of blood work to test for lupus, chromosomal abmormalities in me, the blood clotting disorder (which name I can never remember) and thyroid. lastly- she tested my DH for chromosomal abnormalities. all of this took about 8 - 10 weeks to get done. they found nothing wrong with me. I had a little bit of a hard time with that since I wanted something that could be fixed, but the doctor said we didn't want anything to be wrong so next time, there would be no issues. another big leap of faith.

the last thing I did for myself and am still doing, is to see a grief counselor. I was bitter, I would cry at the oddest times uncontrollably, was terrified to get back out into the real world. I gotta tell you. . it's the best thing I have ever done and I am thankful every day. it has helped me to heal my heart, my soul and to believe I can have a successful pregnancy one day. we had originally planned to wait a while. . we are back on the band wagon again and I know the next one is going to work. i know it.

And then the pregnant friends/family don't help the situation.

I completely agree with this and it has been the hardest part. I have actually lost a friend over this because I can't bear to be around her right now.

I know we will all have healthy babies one day! so here's to it.

[jay&erinn]

chagtown: I'm sorry for your losses. I've also had 2 m/c (one in November 04 at 7 weeks and one in July 05 at 11w, 6d weeks). The second one was much harder to deal with emotionally. It's been 2 months today since the last one, and someone was asking me about it yesturday, and I almost started crying. I think over time you learn to accept the first one as a fluke, then the second one hits you out of the blue. I felt like someone was watching over the second pregnancy, and just as I was getting comfortable (knowing 12 weeks was just a day away) and I could maybe finally relax and enjoy things, they were like, "Oh, not so fast, you don't get to keep this one either." I'm in a little different situation from you. I have a DD who will be 2 this week. Because of that normal pregnancy before the 2 m/cs, they're chalking it up to bad luck and doing nothing. I know some doctor offices will test after 2, but some make you wait for 3. I have a feeling that my doctor's office makes you wait for 3 regardless since the witch of a doc I saw 5 days after my second m/c looked right at me while I was sitting there crying and said 2 m/cs aren't medically significant. I hope you get the answers you deserve. Keep us updated.

LyLMyssChaos: Thanks for that song. I printed it to place with the other mementos from my pregnancies.

And then the pregnant friends/family don't help the situation.
Luckily I seem to be OK with pregnant friends and family. Good thing since my cousin just had her 2nd baby last week. It's everyone else that frustrates me. I work in a doctor's office, and seeing the people come in that have 4 and 5 kids, that haven't bathed them in 2 weeks, have ignored any medical problems they have, and yell and scream at them the entire time they're there, really upset me. One of the girls I work with just found out a girl in her daughter's class (12 and 13 year olds) is pregnant. It made me sick. Then it took all my self control not to say, tell her to give me her baby. I'll take care of it. I wouldn't care if it wasn't mine, I just want another baby.

[RileyMom]

I wasn't sure where else to post this question, and I didn't want to start a whole new thread, but...

The bleeding from my D&C (a week ago from last Friday) has finally stopped as of today. But for the past few days I have been experiencing some significant pains in what would appear to me my right ovary area. They said to expect some cramping as my uterus contracted (which I never did) but this is different. Its like sharp shooting pains localized to that one side. Sometimes it goes away for a few hours, but it is mostly consistent.

Anyone else experience this? Should I call the OB?

[shouldaeloped]

I think over time you learn to accept the first one as a fluke, then the second one hits you out of the blue. I felt like someone was watching over the second pregnancy, and just as I was getting comfortable (knowing 12 weeks was just a day away) and I could maybe finally relax and enjoy things, they were like, "Oh, not so fast, you don't get to keep this one either."

I just wanted to second everthing you just said above. first one. . you can rationalize over time. second one. . hits you like a mack truck.

rileymom- I didn't have any pain like that after my d&c but it doesn't sound right and I would definitely call the doctor. certaintly can't hurt to ask the question.

[RileyMom]

I just called and spoke with a triage nurse. She told me it sounded like an ovarian cyst. :( :rolleyes: Just what I need. She told me they generally aren't serious, usually rectify themselves and many women never know they had them. I am supposed to bring it up to my OB on Thursday, but usually they do nothing.

I am feeling soooo sad for you ladies that have had more than one m/c. I can totally imagine the "mack truck" feeling. :( Right now I have been able to rationalize this one, but I can't imagine having another one. Its my absolute biggest fear right now, and I am trying so hard not to dwell on it. ** I am thinking good thoughts for your next pg. I would guess that while 2nd m/c are not that common, 3rd m/c are probably even less common . I have every faith that your next pregnancies will result in a healthy baby.

**The reason I fear this so much is that DH has said he will only go through this twice. I don't blame him, but it makes me sad that I am only going to get one last chance to give DD a sibling.

[JAYLIN]

Chagtown, my doctor's also "chalked it up to bad luck" and didn't do any testing either and I've had 3 M/Cs. My situation is a little different too, I had a DS (1st preg, no problems) I then had m/c naturally, then d&e with twins. Especially since the 2nd m/c was twins they said they have numerous risks just because of the twin factor.

I went on to have a DD, then m/c again needing another d&e. I thought for sure at this point they were going to saying something was definately wrong, but no, they still thing I have bad luck (lucky me!) Since I had they DC inbetween they don't think anything is really wrong.

So long story short your docs might not do any testing just yet. Mine consider 3 consecutive to be bad. (In my case if the next one doesn't stick, let the testing begin)

Quote:
I think over time you learn to accept the first one as a fluke, then the second one hits you out of the blue. I felt like someone was watching over the second pregnancy, and just as I was getting comfortable (knowing 12 weeks was just a day away) and I could maybe finally relax and enjoy things, they were like, "Oh, not so fast, you don't get to keep this one either."

GOSH ERINN....you couldn't have said it more perfectly! I felt exactly the same way. My 1st was natural & early & thought ok, this kinda stuff happens, I've had my 1m/c, it sucked and I was ablt to get over it. And same as you, I really felt safe with the next preg. There was no way something bad could happen again, and like you I was almost 12wks, thinking I was "safe" and then WAMMO, it just hits so hard!

What really sucks is that from then on the joys of pregnancy were just sucked out of me for good. Then next time, I did nothing but absolutely worry, I was 14wks and started bleeding, I almost lost my mind. It turned out I had placenta previa, so this was going to happen every now and then....not good for a girl who's already lost 2pregs. But it was ok, and DD arrived.

Then the next time, I think I got to a point where I just assume that things are going to be bad and if it sticks it's a nice surprise. I just assume the worst now. I hate being like this, it seems so unfair to the baby. I just wish I could go back to the blissfully, ignorant pregnancy time when I had no idea what any of this was all about. I envy all those 1st time pregnant girls!

RILEYMOM, I hope everything clears up on it's own, the last thing you need right now is more problems. Keeps your hopes up!

[RileyMom]

I don't pretend to be in the same place as those who have had multiple m/c, but this did resonate with me

What really sucks is that from then on the joys of pregnancy were just sucked out of me for good. Then next time, I did nothing but absolutely worry,

After DD was born, in the back of my mind somewhere I believed that I was somehow "immune" to the m/c factor because I had delivered a full-term, perfectly healthy daughter. That is not to say that m/c never crossed my mind, I think it does with all of us. But I kept reasoning that I did it once, I will do it again. Now I know that is not the case, so the "joy" of getting that positive hpt has gone. Now the joy will be replaced with panic and worry, and that just makes me sad. :( I really wish I could go back to that place of "ignorant bliss" but it is gone forever.

On a good note, my ovary pains seemed to have passed, so maybe the situation somehow rectified itself. In other good news, I have my follow-up appointment tomorrow and have a list of questions for her. I am very anxious to get answers and begin the process of moving on. I'm feeling apprehensive, but trying to stay optimistic at the same time. My OB has a very positive outlook on first early m/c's, so I am hoping she will pass that positive outlook on to me. Given the fact that I am also turning 39 this Friday, I could use all the positive outlooks there is. :o

[chagtown]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words. The mack truck statement is so true. Right now I feel like I am never going to be really 'ok'. My heart is so broken. I have an appointment on Monday to see my OB and I will ask her for something to be done. I would like have the chromosomal abmormalities test done. My cramps are much better and the bleeding is very heavy. I am happy that my body is taking care of it and that I will avoid the d&c again. They told us to wait a cycle and then we could try again. I will keep trying, but I am so scared that this will happen again.....I guess that as long as I get a healthy little one out of all this...it is worth it. We don't have any children and want one so badly. I pray that I feel better soon and that the next time is better. I hope you all are having a good day.

I envy all those 1st time pregnant girls! Me too!!!! So much it hurts....

[LyLMyssChaos]

I just wanted to pipe in and let you know that I totally sympathize with so much of what you are saying. I thought I was in the clear with my second pregnancy because I had already given birth to a wonderfully healthy baby girl with no complications at all. Then we passed the 12 week mark and we really thought it was smooth sailing and then WHAM! We lost our baby at 15 weeks. In some ways I think it hurt worse than if I had never had a full term baby before, because I kept asking myself "what did I do differently this time???" or "how come I can't have this baby as easily?" Then when I got pregnant with my son (yes, it can happen, you can get pregnant again after a miscarriage and have a successful pregnancy-I'm not saying that to rub your faces in it, but perhaps to offer ya'll some hope! :) ) I was absolutely terrified the entire time. I didn't even want to tell anyone we were pregnant until he was born, but my DH talked me into it. In fact, we miscarried in February and I was pregnant in July, so quite a few people that never knew I miscarried couldn't quite figure out that this wasn't the same pregnancy. I think the hardest thing for me, is figuring out how to recognize our Angel Baby in our family. The doctor's classified it as a blighted ovum, because we never developed past 6 or 7 weeks gestation, so to them, there was no "baby" but to me, there totally was. I mean, we already had names and everything. I thought I was 15 weeks along, how was I supposed to know that my "body was playing a trick on me" as the doctor put it!? :mad:

[RileyMom]

The doctor's classified it as a blighted ovum, because we never developed past 6 or 7 weeks gestation,

Sorry ladies, don't mean to derail this discussion, but my baby stopped developing at 6w 6d (I say 7 weeks when people ask, close enough!) and we found out at 9 weeks gestation --and they have never used the term "blighted ovum." Maybe because we saw a heartbeat on 2 separate occasions? If you see a heartbeat, it can't be a blighted ovum, can it?

[rene']

I haven't been around this thread, but I suffered 2 miscarriages about 2 years ago. It was enough stress to keep us from trying for another baby until now. I just took a pg test and after one month of trying, I think I'm pg. However, I can't be happy. I'm scared to death, I'm shaking. :( I'm afraid I'm going to lose it again. I have two older DD's. I had no problems getting pg with them and carrying them. Then, when we started trying again a couple of years ago, when I did get pg, I would lose them. I want to be happy, but I'm scared.

I'm not sure if this is appropriate for this thread, I don't have anyone to talk to right now.

Thanks for listening.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Sorry ladies, don't mean to derail this discussion, but my baby stopped developing at 6w 6d (I say 7 weeks when people ask, close enough!) and we found out at 9 weeks gestation --and they have never used the term "blighted ovum." Maybe because we saw a heartbeat on 2 separate occasions? If you see a heartbeat, it can't be a blighted ovum, can it?

I don't know if that qualifies as one or not, but I don't think it does. This is what Babycenter has to say about it:
What is a blighted ovum?
A blighted ovum is a common type of miscarriage. It happens when a fertilized egg implants in your uterus but the resulting embryo either stops developing very early or doesn't form at all. (That's why this type of early pregnancy loss is sometimes called an "anembryonic pregnancy" — that is, a pregnancy without an embryo.)

You'll get a positive result on a pregnancy test with a blighted ovum because the placenta begins to develop anyway and starts to secrete human chorionic gonadtrophin (hCG), the hormone that these tests look for. Early on you may also start to experience some of the symptoms common in a normal pregnancy such as fatigue, nausea, and sore breasts. Though later, when your hormone levels begin to go down, these symptoms will start to subside, and you're likely to have spotting or bleeding.

[jay&erinn]

LyLMyssChaos: Thanks for that description. With my first, we saw a heartbeat, so I assumed it wasn't a blighted ovum, but was never sure. With my second I would get really upset since they tried to tell me that's what it was. However, they never did an ultrasound until after my m/c to verify that everything was passed. I know how bad the bleeding, etc was with a loss at 7 weeks- It was 50 times as bad at 12 weeks. I also was needing maternity clothes despite not having gained any weight. It really upset me when they kept saying it was most likely a blighted ovum and the pregnancy had ended long ago, when I know my body and know something was growing. It may not have been growing normally, but something was growing.
I also worry about how to recognize our angel babies. Everyone else seems to just forget very quickly. I think it'll be with me forever. I've been looking for 2 angel charms for my charm bracelet, and want to put a few little angels in DD's room when we redo it. I feel like they're our guardian angels now.

rene': Congratulations!!!! Try and keep your head up and think positive. This is definately an appropriate place for you. I think it gives the rest of us hope for our next pregnancies. Good luck and keep us updated. Is your doctor's office following you more closely?

RileyMom: I had some of the same pains you described about 2 weeks after my m/c started this time around (I didn't have them with the first). They were bad enough that I almost called the doctor. When AF showed up 2 weeks later I figured it was just really bad O pains. Oing was the farthest thing from my mind since I was still spotting from the m/c, but now I assume that's what it was. Glad you're feeling better.

I didn't even want to tell anyone we were pregnant until he was born
This almost made me laugh. We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant the first time until 8 weeks. The second we were waiting until 12 weeks and I m/c at 7. The third time I was trying to see if we could wait until 13 weeks to tell everyone and I m/c at 12. I keep thinking that if we get pregnant again, could I keep it a secret until around 14-16 weeks (after hearing the heartbeat twice instead of just once) :rolleyes: ??? Waiting until the baby's born sounds like a great idea ;)

[RileyMom]

You'll get a positive result on a pregnancy test with a blighted ovum because the placenta begins to develop anyway and starts to secrete human chorionic gonadtrophin (hCG), the hormone that these tests look for. Early on you may also start to experience some of the symptoms common in a normal pregnancy such as fatigue, nausea, and sore breasts. Though later, when your hormone levels begin to go down, these symptoms will start to subside, and you're likely to have spotting or bleeding.

(de-railing again, sorry) Right, I understand that. But I guess what I am still confused about is that in addition to the sac, I was told there was an embryo with a heart beating away at 165 bpm. The baby stopped developing not long after that, but I am not understanding how an embryo with a beating heart can be called a "blighted ovum." :confused: I suppose it doesnt' really matter in the scheme of things, but from what I understand I had a developing baby in there. I didnt' think a blighted ovum showed any signs of a baby devloping.

[LyLMyssChaos]

(de-railing again, sorry) Right, I understand that. But I guess what I am still confused about is that in addition to the sac, I was told there was an embryo with a heart beating away at 165 bpm. The baby stopped developing not long after that, but I am not understanding how an embryo with a beating heart can be called a "blighted ovum." :confused: I suppose it doesnt' really matter in the scheme of things, but from what I understand I had a developing baby in there. I didnt' think a blighted ovum showed any signs of a baby devloping.

I really have no idea. I wouldn't think it was a blighted ovum unless your doctor specified it as such. My miscarriage experience was not the greatest because the hospital just treated like a routine thing and I mean, the doctor even told me to not cry because "there never was anything there anyway" despite seeing a fetal pole or whatever they call it. He said it "never became a baby" and just, oh I don't want to relive it, but let's just say I never went back to that stupid doctor! I even went to my Family doctor for the HCG level tests that they followed up with.

[RileyMom]

I have a follow-up to my d&c at 3:30 today. I'll ask her then. Again, not that it matters, really. :(

[LyLMyssChaos]

I have a follow-up to my d&c at 3:30 today. I'll ask her then. Again, not that it matters, really. :(
I know it doesn't matter, but somehow if you can find some reasoning for what happened, it helps to ease the healing process, even if it's a little. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Just give Riley lots of extra hugs and kisses, because if you are anything like I was?? I clung to Madeline to make it through my miscarriage and took joy in at least having her to brighten my days!
*hugs*

[JAYLIN]

LYLMYSS...I can't even believe that Dr said that to you....the nerve!!! I would have been so pissed, no wonder you didn't go back to him!

RILEYMOM...I does matter. Having answers really helps the healing process. I had chromo testing done with the last d&e and I was really hoping they would find something so there would be an explaination to all this. I agree, hug Riley more, all this really makes you appreciation the babies we do have already!

ERINN, I bought a Mommy bracelet a few months ago and I put a 3 crystal dangle with what would have been there birth stones and an angel charm by the toggle, it's a nice way for me to remember my angel babies. When people ask to see my braclet, I never explain what that all means, I almost feel "silly". I don't know why, I just don't think anyone will understand unless they've been thru it themselves.

DPANGEL.....I would be pissed! My DH wouldn't even think about pressuring me or complaining about that. I pretty much just had to let him know when I was "ready" again.....hope he wises up and sees things from your perspective!

RENE' congrats and hopefully this will be an boring, uneventful pregnancy!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing happening here...I'm still waiting for a call back from the Dr. Af only last 2days....this was definately a very strange cycle....I have no idea what to make of it. I guess I'm off to ebay to invest in more OPKs and HPTs....I was really hoping I wouldn't have to buy more again!

[excitedbride]

All I think about these last few day is that I should be 7mos preg right now. I should be wearing my maternity clothes! It's sad to see my due date so quickly approaching and I'm still not pregnant, I know so many of you feel that way! And then the pregnant friends/family don't help the situation.

I know exactly how you feel. I have family that is pg right now also. We are ttc and it is hitting me like a ton of bricks the loss of our angel baby. I don't know if it I am just more emotional because of the clomid, but this is bad!

JAYLIN I love the idea of the mommy bracelet!

rene' Congratulation's. I can only imgaine how hard it must be for you right now. As I know when I am faced with the same situation I am going to be scared out of my mind!

Wow, that song just made me tear up!

[rene']

Thanks, everyone for your support. I feel kind of bad coming in here and announcing my pregnancy, when you guys have just had a loss. But, I just want you all to know that I've been where you are and I feel for everyone in here. I just know that you guys can relate to how I'm feeling. Right this second, I'm having some cramping and it just scares the crap out of me. I just feel that I relate to you all better than any of the other threads.

I just made my first ob appointment and it's on October 18th. Hopefully, I will make it that far.

Thanks to you all for welcoming me in and best wishes to all of you.

[RileyMom]

Hi ladies!

First, congrats to Rene'. We will all be where you are soon, and scared out of our minds as well. Best wishes for an uneventful, healthy pregnancy!

I have a question for you all, I spoke with my OB today over the phone instead of in person. My daughter's daycare called shortly before my appointment and told me I had to come get her because she had diarrea. So I had to miss my appt. Luckily, my OB called me at home and was able to talk with her.

Anyway, as it turns out, they never sent the fetal tissue out to be tested for chromosonal abormalities, etc. She said they do send it out to a lab, but they are just making sure they got all of the "pregnancy" and that nothing was left behind. They do not check for chromosomal stuff unless I request. Stupid me, I didn't know i had to request and no one told me. :( However, she said that they likely wouldn't have found anything in my case because the embryo had been "gone" (stopped devloping) 2 weeks prior to the d&c. She said that once a certain amount of time has passed since the fetal "demise" (hate that term) there isn't much left to be tested becase cells die, etc.

Anyone else heard of this?

[excitedbride]

Rileymom I am sorry you had to miss your appt. but that is very nice that your Dr. called you back. They should have let you known their policy with the testing. I am sorry they didn't have any answers for you.:(

[Twylla]

Hello. I hope you ladies don't mind me posting here, but I have a question I know you can answer well, and honestly. TIA.

I just got a call at work that a very close family friend miscarried today. This is her second m/c, her first was twins. I'm heartbroken for her and her husband. They just annonced the pregnancy officially last weekend. Now that I know, I don't want to pretend nothing happened, but I don't want to push into their business, if that makes sense. My first thought was to call her, but we don't really speak on the phone much, just a lot of get togethers. I'm toying with sending flowers, but I don't want to upset her/them in anyway. So my question is, what should I do? What let you ladies know that friends/family cared without making you feel uncomfortable or upsetting you? Also, my friend has an appointment tomorrow for a D & C, so is it too soon for me to reach out? thank you so much.

And, it can't hurt, baby dust ***** and sticky dust ~~~~~~ for you all. Blessings, Twy

[shouldaeloped]

twylla- I had several people send me cards to let me know that they were thinking about me. flowers are appropriate too with a "thinking of you" comment. I would stay away from anything encouraging like "i know you will eventually hold your baby" and stuff like that. it's not what I wanted to hear at all at that time. definitely reaching out to her is a good thing but please don't be offended if she doesn't respond immediately. I had people call me that didn't get a call back for weeks.

rileymom- I never heard of that. I had a d&c at 9w2d and the fetus had stopped "living" at 7w3d. they were able to check for chromosome abnormalities. I sometimes wonder if doctors make things up becuase they don't think we know any better. I'm sorry they weren't able to answer those questions for you.

and congrats Rene! I think we all like to hear successful stories from this board. I know that I will be terrified next time too. . . here's to an uneventful, h&h nine months!

[Astro]

twylla one of the things we most appreciated was dinner. Some friends of ours made casseroles (or some other reheatable dinner) and dropped them off. They called first to make sure we were home, then just dropped off the food and left. We were very glad we didn't have to go to the store or think about what to make for dinner. So if you're nearby, I'd say drop off dinner. If you're far away, then a card and flowers are nice.

[RileyMom]

rileymom- I never heard of that. I had a d&c at 9w2d and the fetus had stopped "living" at 7w3d. they were able to check for chromosome abnormalities. I sometimes wonder if doctors make things up becuase they don't think we know any better. I'm sorry they weren't able to answer those questions for you.

Hmmm..interesting. If you don't mind my asking, were they able to find anything? The reason I ask is because she didn't say it was impossible to find anything, she just implied that in cases like mine (and yours, I guess) it is "unlikely" that they will find anything, because of the length of time. She said that although its not often possible, the best chances of finding something are right after the fetus "dies." :confused: She said that had I requested testing, they would have done it, but she would have warned me that the chances were extremely low of finding anything. I am HATING all this doubletalk right now.

You're right though. I think part of that was cya (cover your @ss) b/c they never even told me what my options were at all for fetus testing. :mad:

Twylla- We received flowers, sympathy cards, and "thinking of you" cards. At work, my co-workers took on a bunch of my responsibilites for me so I could take a few days off. (My work has been AWESOME.) A few well-meaning people tried to "cheer me up" by telling me that we will have another baby, that "at least it was early" :( (my personal fave) and "it was Gods plan" (my second personal fave :rolleyes: ). Those comments are not helpful. A note letting the person know you are thinking about them is really all you need. Its so good that you are asking though!

[Twylla]

Thank you so much shouldaeloped, Astro and Rileymom, I appreciate that. I'm too far away to pop by with a casserole or something, but that really is a great idea. I will go ahead and send some flowers though. I've already made a point of avoiding the "you'll have a baby one day" "It happenned for a reason" and "at least you know you can get pregnant" comments when talking to her sister. I can only imagine that those comments are incredibly counterproductive. But since you've mentioned flowers/cards didn't upset/offend anyone, I'll take that route.

Thank you again ladies, continued blessings for your familes.

[shouldaeloped]

Hmmm..interesting. If you don't mind my asking, were they able to find anything?

rileymom- we got the results 5 weeks after my d&c and they were able to tell me that all the chromosomes were lined up correctly and they were also able to tell me that it was a girl. (something I could have lived without knowing). according to my doctor, further evidence this was just one of those things and that I should have no problem carrying a pregnancy to full term at some point.

they wouldn't do any of this testing after my first miscarriage though, apparently they are way to common and most insurance companies won't pay. maybe that's why she didn't give you the option???? I had to wait until my second and even then she asked me. . it wasn't automatic.

I'm sorry you aren't getting any answers. I have tons of answers from all the testing I've done and to be honest- it hasn't done much for me. maybe that's because they can't find anything to fix. "just one of those things" isn't enough to make me confident for the next time. right now I am just terrified it's going to take me a long time to conceive again.

why isn't this easier??????? like a recipe you can put together or a weight loss plan you can follow. gees. . .

[RileyMom]

shouldaeloped I think the issue for me was not the amount of time *after* the d&c, but the fact that the baby had died inside of me for weeks *before* the d&c. Who the hell knows?

I am just really irritated right now, that they didn't think the option of testing was even important enough to bring up. WTF? :mad: How in the world was I supposed to know that I had to ask? Here I am, 2 days after I was told my baby died, and I am expected to figure all this out on my own? Why wasn't I given more support?

To the medical profession, miscarriage is just "one of those things" and they seem to treat it so nonchalantly. This just really pisses me off.

[shouldaeloped]

rileymom- I'm sorry if I wasn't clear on my response to you, my time frame was the same. the fetus died at 7w2d and my d&c was at 9w3d. so there was a pretty big window there too.

I agree with you. . the medical profession does just shrug their shoulders until you have gone through this 3+ times. I wish they understood how painful it was and how much answers would be helpful during this time.

hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

[RileyMom]

rileymom- I'm sorry if I wasn't clear on my response to you, my time frame was the same. the fetus died at 7w2d and my d&c was at 9w3d. so there was a pretty big window there too.

I agree with you. . the medical profession does just shrug their shoulders until you have gone through this 3+ times. I wish they understood how painful it was and how much answers would be helpful during this time.

hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life.

Oh, I see. So your situation was the same as mine. So basically, they are giving me a line to cover their butt. Nice.

Yes, some anwers would be nice. Even just a weak attempt on their part to look for answers would make me feel better. This business of saying "well, we probably wouldn't have been able to find anything anyway" is ummmm.... NOT helpful, but thanks anyway. :mad: (btw, I am not sure I would have wanted to find out the sex either. :( . Part of me was curious, but I think that would have somehow made the loss even harder. )

[RileyMom]

I am popping in here, with yet another question - this is for anyone who has had a d&c. So far, the "ladies on the internet" have been a much more reliable source of information than the medical profession. :rolleyes: :(

My OB told me right after the d&c (while I was in recovery) to "wait 2 cycles" before ttc again. This is a really dumb question, but does that mean two wait until two *complete* cycles have passed and ttc when I ovulate on the next (third) cycle, or can we ttc when I ovulate that 2nd time? I had assumed we would need to wait through two complete cyles and ttc on the third, but I have noticed that many women on here have ttc on the second cyle post d&c.

[shouldaeloped]

rileymom- after my first M/C, my OB told me to wait one cycle, meaning after my first visit from AF, to start trying. after the second m/c she suggested waiting two but said it would be okay to wait just one. so. . if I read your question right, you would wait until you ovulated the third time and try to catch that one. that would be two complete cycles finished.

hope that helps!

[RileyMom]

That makes sense. :) So, provided I get my first AF in October and then another AF in November, I can start trying after December's ovulation. See, to me that is three cycles, not two. But that is what I thought. Thanks. :)

[shouldaeloped]

if you get af in october and af in november, you should start trying for December's ovulation, not after. then you would be waiting three cycles since you would miss that month too.

this can get so confusing!