Seeing Ex for the first time since break up

[mrstim]

I did have one boyfriend before Tim (when I technically wasn't allowed to date but snuck around and called, emailed, wrote, tried to see each other at camp, etc. I was 15 at the time. We were together until I was almost 17. He ended up being abusive (not physically). Just emotionally and such. Such as: what I could wear, threatening suicide if I left him, nail length, hairstyles, shoes, jobs, vehicles, friends, everything I was supposed to do only according to his specs. oh yeah - and I was also fat and ugly but he was doing me a favor to be with him) We ended on a very sour note (i.e. stalking and threatening murder) He told me that I was going to elope with him. We made the plans before I got out of the relationship, cause I couldnt go through with it. I was living in al. He's from VA - and we're going on vacation in VA this weekend. We're going to a church camp. Since we've been together, He's since turned his life around and is now married w/a baby on the way. When I last spoke with his sister, he'd gained a ton of weight and is living in poverty. I'm married (no baby), went to college and got my degree, lost weight, and actually living a pretty good life. We're not "rich" - just very comfortable. Now he'll be there at the camp friday. I haven't spoken or seen him in 4 years and I am highly nervous about him being there. Is it not crazy that I'm terrified of facing up to him after all these years!

I guess part of the fear is not just this issue, lots of it is I still struggle with a terrible self image! I feel VERY fat and ugly right now. Whenever I'm stressed I get this monstor red pimple right on my nose! I feel very simple and crazy saying this, but I WANT to be perfect. How do you deal with wanting perfection all the time?

Anyway - the core issue now is I'm freaking out cause I'm scared to death about seeing this ex right now. Our last words to each other were in anger and tears. How am I supposed to go through 5 days of being around him? ARGH!

amy

[houseblend]

Seeing ex-es after a long time has been passed is so awkward. Remember what you said, though:

I'm married (no baby), went to college and got my degree, lost weight, and actually living a pretty good life.

And I know this is just the surface of all the wonderful things about you!!! As far as how it ended - those words were said long ago when both of you were in different places in life and feeling very emotional. I have a feeling that when you see him, he will treat you with all the respect and kindness of when you first met. Time has an amazing way of healing wounds.

Good luck, keep us updated and remember how awesome you are!!!

[Sherb]

Hijack! Where in AL were you? I'm originally from the Huntsville/Decatur area...so I'm always curious.

Ok back to topic - It will be nerve-racking to see him, especially with all those issues that went on. Just have faith in yourself and think of how much you love your life and yourself right now. Also, it wouldn't hurt to think about your husband (I'm assuming he's amazing).

Perfection? Yep, I strugle with that too. I have good days where I can look in the mirror and saw "Man, I'm so hot" and the next day I can think I'm a big fat cow. Make a point of wearing clothes that make you feel beautiful that day - whatever it is...well, don't wear your best evening gown :)

If so much has happened in his life, he'll probably be even more self-concious than you. He'll be so worried about you discovering his faults, he won't notice yours.

My only other suggestion would be - keep the encounter short. Say hi, do the nice chit-chatty thing for a few minutes and then find something urgent you need to do and escape.

[pride&prejudice]

Thing is that he's probably thinking the same thing that you are! Whether you realize that now or not. :)

The way it sounds is that seeing him might bring closure on the whole issue, becuase it seems that never happened. It might be good in the long run. ;)