What to do in the meantime?

[ShelbyMay]

I realized the other day that the reason I've been feeling so sad is not just because I'm wishing I were pregnant, but also because I don't know what to do in the meantime. It's kind of like we're treading water, you know? I always like to have a "project" going, but this is one over which I have no control. I don't feel like I should invest a whole lot of extra time/energy/money into work, because I don't know what the timing will be on my maternity leave, or if I'll even be returning to the same business after we have a baby. I'm not planning a vacation because we're saving money for when the baby comes. I haven't started any projects around the house because I'd hate to get halfway through and then have to stop b/c pregnancy makes me too tired or I can't be around the chemicals. I realized I'm getting frustrated with this when I considered buying a package at a tanning salon and then ended up walking out with nothing --- because I can't know for certain whether I can even use a month-long package. :rolleyes:

On the other hand, I don't want to throw myself into baby preparations, because what if it takes a lot longer? Or what if it nevers happens for us?

I know I am probably being a little melodramatic about this, but maybe some other "planners" out there will understand. What should I be working on?

[Marisa]

This may seem totally frivolous, but if I could go back in time to before Joey was born, I'd have gotten my hands on a sewing machine and taught myself to sew waaaaay back then. I love making things for him, it's actually even turned into a little business for me, but I feel bad that I missed making him all the *little* outfits. He was in size 12 mos. and a toddler before I was able to make him something to wear.

Like I said, I know it sounds silly, but I feel a little sad knowing that I'll be able to make a special 'coming home' ensemble for #2, whenever that happens to be, and that Joey just wore something someone bought at the store.

[Scooter]

If there's one thing I learned during this (way too long) TTC period of my life, it's don't put your life on hold. We're going ahead with planning low-cost vacations (they can always be rescheduled/cancelled), I buy regular clothes (can always get maternity ones later), and I try to spend my time enjoying things I won't have time for later.

We got a dog (that's my little sweetheart in my avatar!) and get to spend tons of time training her and exercising with her. I work in the garden. I knit and am trying to learn how to sew. I sleep in and read books. Any hobbies you've been interested in, or anything (like knitting or sewing) that could come in handy with a baby around) are great choices to fill up your time. Not to mention they help distract you during the 2ww! ;)

[Twylla]

I've been off BCP since November, and I did that as part of getting ready to TTC this December, so about a year in advance! But the other thing I'm doing is training for a marathon. Marathon running isn't necessarily a good thing for TTC, but perhaps you could work on exercise and that sort of thing. You know, get yourself in great shape for a baby coming along.

Good luck, here's some baby dust... *~*~*~*~**~

[mimieliza]

Murphy's law says that as soon as you plan the great Napa Valley wine tour vacation and start stripping the floors to refinish, you'll get pg.

Totally tongue in cheek here ('cause I know it doesn't always happen that easily), but I guess it goes along with don't put your life on hold.

Even little things count to me - I'm planning on cutting caffeine cold turkey the day I get a BFP, but not a minutes before. Why deprive myself if I'm already feeling a bit deprived with no baby?

When you do get pg, you'll be so ecstatic that the painting projects DH has to finish and the vacation through which you have morning sickness the entire time will be things you'll happily deal with when the time comes.

Anyway, that's what I think. But having no baby yet, and TTA until August, I reserve the right to change my mind at some point. :)

[katmg]

Ohh, I so needed this thread today!

Thanks for all the suggestions!

I had my first sewing class on Monday, so I guess I'm doing okay. I liken this waiting period to the waiting period before you got your engagement ring. I let myself lurk on wedding boards but wouldn't post. ;) I couldn't call the church and start really planning b/c I wasn't really engaged yet. I can't (won't let myself) buy anything baby related. (Although I have bought some books on TTC) But I can look at it online and browse.

[aprilshowers]

Hi Shelby! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so glum. But I totally understand where you're coming from and I'm just going to echo what the other girls have said about not putting your life on hold. In the beginning our entire schedule was focused around TTC and it was always like "what if I'm pregnant this month?" we shouldn't plan x. But after a while we made a concious decision to put that towards the back of our minds and focus on living our lives as a young, healthy, childless (i.e. free!) couple. TTC kept going on in the background but it wasn't the main focus of our lives. I know you are charting and if you're not already doing it I would definitely recommend that you stop temping except for the couple days before you expect to O and the couple afterwards (assuming you O on a regular basis - I'm sorry I can't remember what your cycles are like). That just made me feel so free - I had felt like I was chained to that damn thermometer. I also stopped taking HPTs until I was actually late. Most of the time I didn't even know how many DPO I was which was really nice. When the BFP finally came, it was a surprise.

Good luck and I hope you're feeling better soon!

ETA: Scooter, your sweetheart is a total cutie!! :D

[lowcountrywed]

shelbymay - I know exactly how you feel. I'm at a point right with my job that I would love to quit, but due to insurance reasons and TTC, I'm stuck here. I wouldn't even really call myself a planner, but TTC does make me feel like I'm in limbo.

I liked Marisa's idea of taking up a hobby that might be helpful when the baby comes along (but doesn't rely on being a mom to be fulfilling) like knitting or sewing or maybe scrapbooking. I agree with others- you really have to live your life as you usually would because you never know how long it will take. Do things you won't be able to do when the baby comes along, even if its something as simple as dinner at a nice restaurant, a late night movie, a day at a theme park, a quick little (inexpensive) trip.

[DallasLady]

Shelbymay I am in the SAME BOAT! I could have written your post. I always like to feel like I am working towards something. But I feel like TTC has put my life on hold. I passed up applying for a new position at work because I might be leaving. I want to take a cruise, but I am afraid I will be too sick from pg to enjoy it. I want to refinish our floors, but I am worried about the chemicals.

I like the sewing idea. DH bought me a machine that I have only used a handful of times.

mimieliza, I keep thinking that. As soon as we book a cruise and tear out the kitchen, I will get pg! :D

[Jane&Andy]

I'm in the same boat too. We're on our fourth cycle of trying and its been an awful roller coaster so far. I'm tired of putting plans on hold for something we can't control. I'm trying to keep busy with my hobbies - mostly jewelry making, crocheting and cross stitching and we're working on some home improvement projects. I play my Sims2 computer game a lot (very addicting game) and play with my puppy.

[mimieliza]

Oh, another thing I realize I have been doing is completely doting on my dog, Miles. Right now he's my baby. He loves all the attention, and we've got a great bond. Plus, I'm spending a lot of time working on training him. He has learned so much, and I think I'll be grateful that he's so well-trained when a baby comes along.

Right now we're working on "No bark!" so that he'll learn to stop barking as soon as I tell him to. :)

[mrselle]

What to do in the mean time? Enjoy life. DH and I have been TTC for 2 1/2 years now. I went through that stage where I didn't want to plan anything major because I might get pregnant. After 2 1/2 years with one miscarriage along the way and seeing all kinds of sad things going on around me (friends separating from their husbands, etc) I have truly learned to enjoy my life no matter what phase I am in. We travel, hang out with friends, go to concerts, sleep in late, take naps on Sunday after church, have long talks about what we want for our future, walk around the house naked and have sex in the middle of the day. ;) I've learned to take pleasure in the little things because soon enough there will be a little person in our house who will be the boss. :)