Help, I hate bfing!

[Daniel's Kitty]

I really want to love it. I am trying so hard, but I am winding up feeling depressed about it. It makes me feel horrible. I like it when he will latch on and everything goes great.

He loves to bite, and he sucks so hard that it hurts and it is just the sucking sensation that hurts. I can wind up with blisters on my nipple. The LC and anybody that has bfed said we are doing it right.

My husband really doesn't want me to quit and keeps telling me that I have to go till 6 weeks, I am starting to hold it against him. I think it is because I said I wanted to try it, but I really don't think I can do it. I know that is three weeks away and that a lot of people say it gets better then.

Has anybody felt this way? And please don't yell at me about this.
I am so close to giving up and just pumping part time so I don't always have to feed him, he does so great with the bottle and my nipple isn't involved then. I think I would enjoy motherhood so much more if I didn't have to breastfeed.

[ajlanden]

I know I will probably get flamed for saying this, but I don't really care. You have to do what is best for you. No one knows what you are feeling but you. To me, having a stressed out momma who is uhappy and in pain is much worse for a child than not breastfeeding fulltime. My original goal was 6 weeks. I didn't make it quite that long. Do I believe that breast milk is best? Heck ya! Do I feel awful and beat myself up for not doing it for 6 weeks-1 year. No. I felt exactly like you did. It changed my world when I stopped. I was able to truly enjoy motherhood!!!!!

Good luck with your decision! Do what is best for you!!!!!

[BooeyJ2]

I know I will probably get flamed for saying this, but I don't really care. You have to do what is best for you. No one knows what you are feeling but you. To me, having a stressed out momma who is uhappy and in pain is much worse for a child than not breastfeeding fulltime. My original goal was 6 weeks. I didn't make it quite that long. Do I believe that breast milk is best? Heck ya! Do I feel awful and beat myself up for not doing it for 6 weeks-1 year. No. I felt exactly like you did. It changed my world when I stopped. I was able to truly enjoy motherhood!!!!!

Good luck with your decision! Do what is best for you!!!!!


ITA.


BF'ing was EXTREMELY painful for me (TMI - cracked, bleeding nipples, mastitis, ect). DD was a pirahnna. I tried and tried (different positions, ect) and nothing worked. I finally decided that pumping would be best for ME (and DD - since hearing me scream profanities every time she latched on couldn't possible be good ;)). My nipples finally healed and with pumping I could actually see how much she was eating. It also helped SO much that my husband could wake up with her in the middle of the night and give her a bottle. It made my life as a new mom A LOT more enjoyable and gave me a lot more time to get other things done while daddy bonded with her more.

DD will be 6 months old in 8 days and i'm still pumping (but also supplementing 1 formula bottle per day since my milk production can't keep up). IMO, she's getting breastmilk either way....so I still think i'm doing a pretty good job ;)



Do what YOU think is right. Good luck and congratulations!! :)

[EmilyBronte]

I pumped for 6 weeks before stopping. (My DS was a preemie and never latched on.) However, I've had several friends that breastfed tell me that somehow 6 weeks was the "magical" timeframe for everything to click. If you can hold out until then and decide, maybe it will get better.

Still, ITA with the other posters that you have to do what is right for you and your family. Good luck! :)

[BTB]

I hated BFing in the beginning too. It was hard, and got much harder before it got easier. I didn't have any warm, Hallmark, maternal BFing glow, and felt bad about that until one of my LJ buddies - BFing now over a year - told me "ya know what? It's okay not to like it all the time. I still don't sometimes." Somehow having "permission" to not like it made me feel better.

For a while I fell into the trap of thinking everything about mothering would be easier if I could just give the baby a bottle instead. And maybe parts of it would've been, for a while, anyway, but now it would be a lot more work. There were days I fantasized about formula (not kidding here) and eyed up the cans in the baby aisle, then felt guilty just for looking at them, like I'd been caught looking at the back wall of a video store. DD couldn't latch at all the first two weeks, and right when we started hitting a good stride when she was about a month old we battled thrush for six weeks, it was very painful. For us, it got much, much better and now I'm glad I stuck it out. Maybe it'll get better for you too - I hope so! - maybe it won't. FWIW, BFing doesn't have to be an all-or-none proposition, pumping to get a break is a great idea. DD got her first bottle of EBM at four weeks and it hasn't hurt her ability to latch at the breast one bit. And there are lots of moms who combine relief formula bottles with breastfeeding most of the day.

Honestly, what kept me going was fear I'd regret switching - I kept tacking on one more day - one more day - one more day - knowing I could always decide to bottlefeed, but that giving up on breastfeeding is a hard decision to reverse. It did get better, and when it did it seemed to just drop out of the blue all at once. I wouldn't say I love it, but I like it now, and the thought of starting solids in about a month actually makes me kind of sad. I would never have thought I'd ever feel that way back when DD was as young as your DS! They grow fast, and he'll change his eating habits soon. Not that I'd criticize any decision you need to make - just saying what I think I needed to hear at that stage, and hoping it's worth something to someone else. :)

ETA: not sure why I feel the need to add this disclaimer, but I do: I started typing this before there were any other replies yet, DH came home in the midst of typing and that slowed me down considerably. Therefore, nothing in my post is meant in response or relation to anything anybody else posted. :)

[Dally]

I felt a bit like BTB in the first weeks. DD was very small, and couldn't latch properly. BFing hurt and was very frustrating for both both of us. I thought about giving up every day. But one day, right around six to eight weeks, it just became easy. It no longer hurt, and I started to enjoy it (DD enjoys it, too). Now I actually do love BFing most of the time, and I never mind it. It's easy, especially in the middle of the night. It's relaxing, too, believe or not.

I agree that you have to do what's right for you and your baby. No one can tell you what that is. But I do want you to know that it really does get better. :) <<hugs>>

[gizzyntaz]

I was miserable for the first 6+ weeks. We had thrush and I had pain radiating up my arm every time he latched and the kid was permanently attached to my boob (latch, relatch, latch, relatch 24 hours a day). I also had bleeding nipples, a plugged duct that turned to mastitis after 6 hours, etc. At the 3 week growth spurt I thought I was going to die. I didn't reach out for help because I was SO determined to breastfeed, it was as if I said anything about how difficult it was for us I would be a failure or something... I just gritted my teeth through the pain and pushed on.

People tell you it shouldn't hurt if you are doing it right, and I say B.S! It hurts, it's uncomfortable, it's downright weird sometimes. Things didn't get to a comfortable place for us until 2.5 months! How I made it through - I don't know... pure will, I guess.

Still sometimes he exasperates me, but I'm glad I stuck with it. Like BTB, I don't have a warm hallmark expression for you, but know that your feelings are normal... Kudos to your husband for supporting you as best he can... Best of luck to you!

[Daniel's Kitty]

Wow I didn't expect this to get so many responses.

I hope it does get better! Ben's biting is probably the worst part or when he yanks his head back and then almost slurps the nipple and areola back into his mouth. I have been holding his head onto me but then he fights it.

I found out that MIL had the same problems with both her sons.

I will agree that it hurts! Daniel tried to convince me that I must be doing it wrong because WebMD said it isn't supposed to hurt. I am currently doing the day to day thing and I am almost tempted to switch to formula and lie to Daniel about it just to save my sanity.

[beachlvr]

ITA that 6 weeks is when it starts getting better. Those first few weeks are just brutal. But neither of you has done it before and it's going to take a little time for you all to figure it out.

You can have your dh give him a bottle of either pumped milk or formula every once in a while to give your nipples a break.

[BooeyJ2]

Wow I didn't expect this to get so many responses.

I hope it does get better! Ben's biting is probably the worst part or when he yanks his head back and then almost slurps the nipple and areola back into his mouth. I have been holding his head onto me but then he fights it.

I found out that MIL had the same problems with both her sons.

I will agree that it hurts! Daniel tried to convince me that I must be doing it wrong because WebMD said it isn't supposed to hurt. I am currently doing the day to day thing and I am almost tempted to switch to formula and lie to Daniel about it just to save my sanity.



Before you switch to formula, try pumping. It will hurt a little at first because of the pain/trauma your nipples have already been exposed to, but it will eventually stop. Breastmilk is FREE....formula is expensive. If you can...save yourself some money and pump ;)

[girlygirl]

I felt the same way after DS was born. I actually dreaded it when it came time for him to eat. My DH insisted that I stick it out until 6 weeks as well, and I really, really didn't want to (didn't help that I had a pantry stocked with formula samples), but I did. And it did get better and easier. And now I wouldn't have it any other way because it is so easy.

But you do have to do what is best for YOU and your baby. Everything is so hard those first few weeks, so just take care of yourself and your new family.

[Sal03]

I agree with the other posters that it really does get better after 6 weeks. I am pg again and already dreading those first 6 weeks. Just so unpredictable and exhausting. But DS settled into a pattern and started sleeping longer stretches and 6 weeks and I felt like the irritation when he nursed eased up tremendously. Good luck!! Oh, I love your son's name. That was exactly (first and middle) my Grandpa's name :)

[mamax2]

I basically agree w/the whole 'do what's right for you' philosophy, but on BFing, I kind of cringe when I hear about people giving up before 6 weeks. Not because I'm on some moral high ground but b/c I know from experience that's when it starts to finally get easier! I feel so badly that women give up on themselves and their babies and then have this idea that BFing is a terrible experience when in fact it's only really wretched those first few weeks.

I'll echo the other posters - BFing can be pretty awful in the beginning. I distinctly remember one point when my DD was 2 weeks old and I was sitting in the glider crying and told my DH that I was giving up and I would just have to pump b/c I couldn't take the pain. And you know what, I did pump exclusively on one side (that was particularly damaged) for a couple of days. It gave me time to heal - physically and emotionally too.

In the short term, give yourself permission to do some pumping so you can get a least one break a day and also don't feel badly for not liking this - most of motherhood is NOT glamourous and this is no exception. If you're committed though and you truly believe that you want this to work, see an LC, start getting some support from your local LLL and do try to hang in there just a couple more weeks - for 99% of women, it DOES get better and if you don't give yourself a chance, you'll never know how good and easy it can be.

[ellybelle]

Just take it a day at a time, and count each day as an achievement. It's a lot easier than saying "I have to go for X more weeks!" if you are feeling miserable.

A lot of us have had rough starts, and been really glad that we stuck it out.

You might also want to go see an LC for help with some of the issues. And don't be afraid to take something for the pain -- it's really ok to take ibuprofen while bfing.

[Lizzie Beth]

Whoa. Must be tough, especially with you DH's strong feelings on the issue. It's great that he's so interested in all the health issues, but you need support and understanding - and no offense to any of the guys, but there is NO way they can possibly know what BF'ing feels like. I believe my response to my DH was, "well, let's get out the vacuum cleaner, attach it to YOUR reproductive parts, and see how YOU like it!!!" At the time, I was not referring to his nipples. ;)

I felt absolutely desperate after I was told I was doing it right, yet still had cracks and sores on my nipples that bled. DD would cry in that situation - after all, who wants to snack on blood? YUCK! And I really didn't know if she was getting any nourishment or not, and she was 6lbs at birth, so I was really feeling panicked that her development would suffer and she would have an empty belly. And nothing makes a new mama sadder than that.

So I bought the electric breast pump with all the bells and whistles and I was very happy with the results. I'd just feed her what I pumped right after I pumped it. Gave me a break, and I could SEE for myself that the baby was gettin' some eats. Unfortunately, I also relied on nipple shields, and I think that was a mistake because that became the latch DD was attached to, and I never really could get her to BF without one after that. I think the nipple shield doesn't invite as much milk production as skin contact BF'ing did. So we made it to two months and went on formula. And she is as healthy as the proverbial horse.

You have to do what you need. (And by you, I mean just you, not the baby, not DH, not anyone else) There's a LOT more to a healthy, happy baby (and mama) than breastfeeding alone.

[BTB]

The slurping/biting/pulling sounds like a classic "want more flow, faster" behavior - primetime for this is the 3 week growth spurt! (That's three weeks old, not three weeks in length! Babies tend to go through growth spurts at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months of age, more or less. And those times can be the absolute hardest!) DD started doing the same thing around the same time, but it doesn't last, they do learn how to eat, and more nicely too. :)

As someone once said to me, just a couple weeks ago, DS was in your womb, getting fed constantly, without even being aware of it. Now he's got to figure out how to eat a bunch and store up so he eat periodically, and figure out what the point of eating is and how it makes his tummy feel better, and navigate getting the food into his tummy, all at the same time.

I've only heard of one or two mamas that hit the ground running with breastfeeding - there's always a lucky few, right? Just like the world's got to have a handful of supermodels. But they're the unusual ones, not the rest of us. ;)

It really does get so much easier - like night and day.

[seattleguamgirl]

BFing was sooo hard in the beginning, I hated it too. I would cry as I fed DS. :( I had all the same probs too--nipple pain, bleeding, plugged ducts, engorgement, etc. I was sooo tempted to open a can of formula. :)

And then after three weeks or so all of the awful things I was going through magically disappeared and it was then that I felt awesome that I stuck with it! As someone posted earlier, it is a little easier to make short BF goals (if I could just get through today...if I can just get through this week...if I could just get through this month), that way you won't feel overwhelmed.

Either way, please do what is best for YOU and your babe and don't stress about not loving BFing. I always told myself that I would give it up if it became too stressful/unpleasant but I'm glad everything worked out and I am able to still BF my son.

[PrincessPeach]

The first 2-3 weeks of nursing were the hardest for me. The latch pain was absolutely toe-curling. And, yes, it can be really exasperating and frustrating for a new mom to have to go through SO much. But, we stuck it out and I will be forever thankful that we did. The first few weeks I definitely had the "I can do it. I can stick this thing out" mindset going on and it helped me tremendously. Once that latch pain eased up and DD & I both got more comfortable, life was good. She nursed 'til she was 18M old. :)

[lady1297]

We had tons of issues when DS was born. He was 8 lbs 1 oz at birth. He lost over 10% of his body weight. My milk didn't come in until 6 days after birth. He was tongue tied. He was still behind in weight at his 2 week appointment. I was frustrated, tired, sore, and emotionally drained. I wanted to quite every day. I had to supplement with formula after every nursing session because he was so skinny and I couldn't pump much at all. I had to pump after that. THen I had to clean everything and start all over again. Breastfeeding sucked big time. It sucked my energy, appetite, strength and will. That was 13 months ago.

We stopped the supplements after 8 weeks. We got better at nursing. I got more sleep. I asked for help from the LC and found great support from the Breastfeeding thread on the ole WC. It was so much better. But early on, I never thought we would continue. I cried a lot. I remember DH, DS and I going on a long walk where I cried the whole time because I was so frustrated. We decided on that walk to take it one day at a time and DH promised to support whatever I could do, even if it was only nursing once a day. Once we got to that point, it seemed that things got better. I decided that since I didn't HAVE to BF, I could try longer and harder.

Formula isn't evil. But if you can pump, it will make it easier in teh long run. But you do what works for YOU. :) Best of luck and pop over to BF Support. The ladies (many of whom have responded already) are great and you'll find other's struggling with the same things, it's pretty common for your babies age. :) HUGS!

[dana b]

what type of lc have you seen? was it just a hospital lc or a certified lc that came to your house? there's usually a big difference. my dd would bite me with her gums, all the nurses in the hospital said everything looked fine, but i knew it was more than just the usual first week pain. i hired an lc to come to the house and she confirmed that our latch was wrong. i needed to pull out my dd's top and bottom lips so that her tongue would stick out a little at the bottom and i could see the pink inside of her lips, this kept her from being able to bite me. i had to manually adjust her lips for about 2 days and then she automatically did it on her own. i agree the first couple of weeks are hard, but if it's beyond the basic soreness, you probably need more help, i would call another lc.

[curlywig]

As a momma who has very recently been in your same shoes, I just wanted to lend my support and my perspective.

DS was never able to latch properly. I completely beat myself up over our BF problems (horrible cracked bloody nips, blisters, terrible engorgement the likes of which my LC had never seen). We started pumping because it was so important to me that DS got BM. Well, about 6 weeks into it, I realized I wasn't able to care for DS and pump full time and feed him, so we switched to formula. Every time I'd tried to BF, I winced in pain, and I cried. And I cried. I finally decided that my son needed his mom, and I wasn't being the mom I wanted to be b/c I was so anxious and in so much pain.

Flash forward 4.5 months. DS has been on formula since 6w, and he's been great. For us, in this circumstance we made the right decision for us. I still mourn the fact that BF didn't work, and I want nothing more than one day to have another DC and for BF to work. FWIW, I don't think formula feeding is much easier. Yes, there is no pain involved, but the cleaning and sterilizing and finding bottles that work for DC is no piece of cake. There is much more planning ahead needed for FF in that you have to make sure it's with you when needed, it's at the right temp, etc.

Not intending to sway your decision, just want to let you know what it's been like for us. Regardless, I hope you feel better soon, and know that no matter what, your DS has a mom who loves him deeply and wants what's best for him.

[Franni]

I hated BF in the beginning....there I said it.

It was so emotionally draining. I got LCs at the hospital, an LC at home, LLL sessions. It was all so difficult and frustrating. Worst, I had DH and MIL saying that I must not be making enough milk and/or there's something wrong with my milk.

It got better though. Not all of a sudden, but slowly and daily. Then one day in her 3rd month, DD went on strike and that was the last straw.

I had been an exclusive pumper ever since and DD is turning 11 months in 2 weeks. I have supplemented with formula and that's ok. Whatever works for you should always be ok. No one has the right to judge the difficulties that you are going through.

[Marisa]

Would you believe me if I told you I was in exactly your position, oh, about 18 months ago?

I was in even worse shape, though, because I was so d*** arrogant before I had the baby. I grew up going to LLL meetings (my mom was the Leader). Now my mom is a IBCLC. I had breastfeeding in my genes! This was going to be so easy!

No. I had engorgement issues that made my breasts hard and full. I couldn't get him to latch on properly and had blisters and bleeding nipples. He would wake up at night and cry and I would too because I just didn't know how I'd get through another feeding. We must've been a sight -- him in his carseat (where he slept for many nights) and me in a ball on the floor next to him, both of us weeping.

He wasn't gaining weight. He was sleepy and I was grateful for that because I was sore, but he'd fall asleep too quickly and not get enough milk. Despite having a supportive husband and a wonderful resource in my mom, I went to a second IBCLC who hooked me up with a nipple shield and set me on the road to healing. That was right around three weeks.

Fast forward three weeks -- my baby is 6 weeks old, happy, alert and chubby. I'm healing and it's no longer painful to nurse. The engorgement settled down and the shield forced him to open his mouth wider.

We weaned off the shield sometime around 2 months. I was completely healed and I finally had the BFing relationship I wanted.


It sounds like you could use some more support than you've been getting. Your DH is behind you, but maybe he doesn't know the right things to say. Maybe you need to hear from other women who've been there, or talk to other experts who can guide you. Dana mentioned whether your LC is a real IBCLC or just a nurse with lactation experience, there is a big difference sometimes. My insurance co. paid for a visit to a IBCLC postpartum, and yours might too. And LLL is always free -- find your group here: http://www.llli.org/WebUS.html -- maybe you can attend a meeting or at least call a Leader. Trust me, they're trained to take your kind of call. ;)

[ButterflyJen]

Ditto to darn near everything most of these women have said. :)

DD and I started off rocky. I had to pump in the hospital because she wasn't able to come to me to feed at first. Pump was up too high = blister on one nipple. Great start. Next, we latched on and everything seemed to be OK....then blisters and cracks on the other nipple. Then on both. By the time DD was 10 days old, I was crying at every.single.feeding and wishing I had never started BFing. BUT we simply could not afford formula, so I was totally stuck. I had to do this, but I hated it. I hated wincing in pain every time she latched, I hated dreading feeding my child. I felt like I had failed, totally.

Then, after nearly two months (!!!) of this, I called a certified IBCLC to come help me out. She had me pump exclusively for one week, to heal my bad side (one had actually healed on its own) and nurse DD on the other. It was terrible. I couldn't make enough, she was hungry all the time.....I, again, felt like I had failed.

After a week, I relatched DD. I won't say it was painless, but it was much better. By the time she was 2-1/2 months old, BFing was that wonderful, natural thing I'd heard so much about. And I loved it. DD nursed till 12-1/2 months old (just two weeks ago) and I do miss nursing her....so much.

Hang in there....it does get better! And please, don't be afraid to call an IBCLC to come observe you! The one I called was employed by our county's health department....so she was, essentially, free (paid for by our taxes).

[lorbo]

my BF relationship with DD wasn't great-she was also a shark. the first 6 weeks were hell! i had a crack at the base of my nipple that would reopen everytime she latched and i was so anxious...i ended up glueing it and keeping her off that breast for the next couple of feedings and it was fine. my sister gave me the greatest piece of advice for the beginning of the BF relationship-knowing the chapped nipples and the pain-everytime the baby latches, hum-i had some strange hums but it worked and i ended up nursing her until she was 15 months. DS didn't nurse from me until he was 4 weeks old and that was on occasion-once he was released from the hospital at 5 weeks, then he became an exclusive nurser. you have to do what's best for you...i completely agree, stressed out isn't doing you or the baby any good. short term goals are best...i've warned my younger coworkers that with nursing (and most of these younger women are grossed out by nursing) that the first 6 weeks are the hardest.

[screetch]

Here's how my own experience went, take it as you wish... I had a ROUGH start to bfing. Within the first eight weeks, I had mastitis twice, thrush once, and underwent surgery to drain and remove a breast abscess. My breasts bled repeatedly b/c of latch issues, at least until I discovered the nipple shield at around 4 weeks. But then I had to use the nipple shield, which was a whole huge PITA, for another four months (although if it weren't for the nipple shield, I probably couldn't have continued). Honestly, I think the only thing getting me through all that and making me stick to it was that I had a bad post-delivery experience and I wanted control over something that was important to me. If things had gone better in the hospital (and if pumping/ff'ing wasn't also a PITA or if formula were free) who knows how my situation might have ended up. But I can tell you this.... those rough times were SOOOOO worth it. I remember people telling me to give myself short timeline goals and if I could make those, use that as inspiration to make new goals -- and I thought time couldn't go slower. Three months seemed like an eternity, especially when I felt like locking myself in a closet at every feed. I bawled a lot b/c of the pain and guilt of dreading feeding my baby. But once things finally did go relatively smoothly, I was so happy I stuck with it. It's been a very rewarding experience. Back then, if anyone would have ever told me I'd still be nursing at 22 months, I would have told them they were crazy.

You might check to see if there are any bfing support groups in your area. I found them to be a lifesaver, both mentally and for helpful tips.

Just give it your best... every situation is different. If you really want to make it work, then more than likely you'll find a way.

[solongtogo]

I'm not enjoying it myself. My DD takes forever to latch on...and feedings last for a good solid hour. I'm trying to keep going because I know that it'll get easier with time, but it's no picnic. Theres been many a time when I just want to make a bottle of formula (we got a free can from the hospital), but I hold back...

[catmom]

I HATED bf-ing in the beginning. HATED it. Hate doesn't even seem like a strong enough word, actually. We had so many problems. First, DD didn't know how to suck in the beginning... she just clamped her jaws down on my nipple every time I fed her. Then we found how she had a tongue-tie. Got that fixed, but I was still in horrible, horrible pain every time I fed her. Finally, the 3rd LC I saw told me about raynaud's of the nipple, in which the blood vessels to the nipple spasm as the baby nurses. She said it is basically the worst nipple pain you can have. I already knew I had raynaud;s, so I was so happy to find out what was wrong, and I started taking meds for it, which helped, but the pain didn't go away completely until almost 4 months. In the meantime, I had mastitis 4 or 5 times (I actually lost count)... I think the problem was that I was in so much pain that my letdown wasn't working well, which also led to my supply problems, because starting at about 4 months (just as the pain was going away :rolleyes: ), DD started losing weight. So we started supplementing, and we still do. It was hard, and I felt guilty for a while. But DD was nursing every hour for 20+ minutes and still losing weight. FInally, my DD's ped said to me, "you can't keep this up." She was actually the only medical professional who was supportive of me as a person, rather than just of BFing. I called my LC to ask about advice on supplementing, and she was awful to me.

Anyway, my point is that I actually don't know ANYONE IRL who didn't have problems bf-ing, at least in the beginning. That's what makes me so mad... all the bf-ing books I read lied to me. They said Bf-ing is easy, most women don't have problems, and it is unheard of to have a low supply. If the books had been honest, I probably would have been better prepared and felt like less of a failure.

My cousin, who is a pediatric nurse, told me that breastfeeding is important, but the most important thing is for the mother to bond with the baby. If bf-ing is so awful that it's impeding the bonding process, then you should think about what you need to do to make things better. However, for most women it does seem to get better after the first month or two, and the problem with weaning is that you can't go back. Early on, I kept telling myself, "if it isn't better by the end of the week, I'll stop." That gave me enough of an escape clause for me to have the will to continue.

Personally, I think that any woman who even TRIES to bf is heroic. So congrats to you for even trying! Only you can decide what to do. I guess my thought process was, I needed to stick it out in the early weeks because if I didn't I would always wonder if it would have gotten better.

[T&M'sMommy]

Honestly, I think you need better support from your dh. I realize that he's trying to "help" but forcing you to stick it out until 6 weeks and telling you that you must be doing it wrong is not going to help. He needs to be positive about this. "I think you can do it, I'm proud of you for sticking it out this long etc." We had bf'ing issues and ended up on formula for both kids, but I do realize that breastmilk is best. If you can get through it, then kudos to you!!!

[cynder]

I had the same experiences as the women here - engorgement, blisters, sleepy eater, no weight gain and then weight loss. At one pt in week 2 we were on a 2 hour feeding cycle with me pumping after each feed for so we could supplement. That was an insane time for me because I would get about 10-20 min of time that I mostly spent crying in the bathroom. My absolute low point was when I shouted the F word when DS was trying to latch. I am still not happy about that.

It did get better for us but it took us close to 2 months for it to get better and a lot of tears and we are still supplementing with formula because I had no freezer supply when I went back to work. I feel good that DS is getting some BM and I do enjoy being close to DS after work but honestly I am still not in love w/ BFing. I still worry about supply and if he getting enough b/c his on the small side. If I were a better pumper I would totally switch to that but as it is I can only get enough for 1.5 bottles.

I have made my peace with it all. I just wanted to share my story where it did get better but it still is not quite what I want it to be. I think finding a good LC is great advice b/c looking back my BFing class was a total waste. I wish she was more honest about how hard it was and the reality of pumping. I still remember when they brought the pump to my hospital room and I was dazed as to why I need it so early in the game. My understanding of colustrum and engorgement and milking coming in was so off that having a supportive LC (which I saw a few days later) would have really helped. This forum helped a lot too.

Hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

[BTB]

and feedings last for a good solid hour.

Just had to comment on this - I had never really done the math to realize feeding a baby - just the plain feeding part, forget everything else - amounts to basically a 'full-time' job. Feedings every 3 hours (and in the beginning, that's if you're lucky!) that last for an hour is 8 feeds per day x 1 hour each = 8 hours/day.

With time babies do space out their feedings and they do get much, much faster at eating. DD can now drain a breast in 10 minutes flat and will do so just to get back to playing and other more exciting things than eating.

It makes it so difficult that all these issues pile up in the beginning: small, sleepy baby, doesn't know how to latch, recovering mom (I had such trouble just sitting for two weeks after delivery I was so sore, but DD couldn't latch in side-lying), sleepless nights, frequent feeds, sore nipples, etc. The thing is to realize it will never be harder than it is at this early stage, that if you can keep going the problems will drop away one by one with baby's age, growth, and practice.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I am happy to hear that I am not alone! I actually only know one woman in real life who was able to make it past six weeks. And she bfed all three kids with no problems.

We did a lot better last night! I don't think he wants to lose his favorite food source. And after him gaining weight so well (up to 10 lbs at his two week) I am not sure I do either.
I managed to sit down with dh and talk and he has decided that if we don't make it that is okay.
Ben decided that he doesn't need to drain a side in 5 minutes, which was the best gift of all since it takes me 10-15 with pumping and I get about three ounces per side. Especially since he didn't bite me! I am not in as much pain today I just have to wait to get over the last few days. I can deal with his suck when he isn't trying to remove the nipple. I am wondering if he is in his growth spurt since he was more interested in eating last night than sleeping after a car ride.

It was an LC that is on staff at the hospital after all the nurses tried to help me and I got him latched on twice with no help but he wasn't to interested in sucking. She was so much help since she helped position him but showed me how to aim my own boob to his mouth. ;)I would have been done before we left the hospital without her since my nipple had started to peel from so many attempts.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I also wanted to say that I feel bad for any body who has latch problems! We got to have our first really bad latch last night, and I felt like someone took a cheese grater to my nipple. And they say to just break suction and try again, how many of these people have tried to "just break suction" on a three week old. So many of the bfing articles are written by men. I agree with the poster about attaching vacuums to any guy who thinks they know what it is like, not just husbands! :D

[Ohana]

I thought the first 3-4 weeks of BF were pure, unrelenting hell. I called the LC every day in tears. When DD would cry to be fed, I would get this huge sinking feeling in my gut, just dreading when that vise would clamp down on my BB.

It was never the perfect dream of BF I had always imagined, but by the time we got to the 6 week mark, things were going much, much more smoothly. DD finally weaned at 16-17 months, and I miss that closeness.

I think we're all led to believe that BF is beautiful, natural, pain free, and easy as pie, when it often isn't. And when it isn't, we beat ourselves up for it.

But you're doing a great job, mama, and you can do this. Just take it day by day, feeding by feeding. It doesn't seem possible now, but it will eventually get easier and easier, and then one day, you'll realize it didn't hurt and getting the baby latched on was a snap.

[lil_nance]

First of all, give yourself permission to do what's best for you. Second, as so many of these ladies have said, we understand your pain and you aren't alone. I remember screaming as DS latched on to my very sore nipple at 3wk. Then I started bawling because I felt so bad for yelling at him. He started crying. It was horrible. BUT...things did get better. We've finally mastered side-lying which is wonderful since I have a strong let down. He generally latches and feeds well now at 8 wk. Some days are still bad but we take it day to day. I think that just taking things one day at a time is the key and knowing it's ok to dislike BFing (at least sometimes).

[Daniel's Kitty]

I decided to try side lying again last night and both of us really enjoyed it and he fell asleep right after he was done. It was wonderful since I got sleep then, and after a couple of hours of sleep life seems so much better. I even managed to think that Ben looked cute last night when I was up with him and I had been avoiding looking at him lately while he was nursing at night. I love him so much.
Now I just need to figure out how to solve the biting so my nipples stay feeling a little better and feel even better as days go by. I hope it goes away as he gets more used to eating and maybe it is a growth spurt thing like someone said earlier.

Thank you so much. It really helps to know that this is normal. Everybody paints a beautiful picture of bfing and how easy it is, but it can be really hard.

[PrincessPeach]

Glad to hear its' going better, Kat. Co-sleeping and side-lying nursing were Godsends to us. :)

[NicoleWisconsin]

My first week of breastfeeding and even beyond, I didn't think I'd make it a month. It is so hard and no one prepares you for it.

That said, Blake is almost 14 mos and we're still going strong.

Keep at it, it gets better!

[pullbuoy]

Oh I hated the "just break suction" advice! Not because it was wrong or hard to break the suck, but if I did, I would have to PUT HER BACK ON. Which was awful. It was so hard to do at 2 am- break a suck to get rid of some during feed pain, knowing doing so was going to cause that screaming latch-on pain. My DD startled the hospital nurses with her powerful suck, and certainly startled the crap out of my nipples.

FWIW, even if it does get better(and in all likelihood it will, but you might want to be past the 6 week growth spurt before deciding.), you don't have to like it. I hated it the whole year I did it, but it does get much better after 6 weeks. Then you just have to decide whether the "betterness" of breastmilk is worth the trouble to your life. For me it certainly was- though I didn't like it, it just became annoying at that point, like the other parts of motherhood I never have decided to love. Wiping poop off someone else's butt is just not glorious, no matter how you look at it. Having your boobs sucked on 10 times a day isn't necessarily, either. I think if you look at it more pragmatically- not "whether or not this is going well as gauged by how much I like it" but instead "is the benefit worth it?" you'll have an easier time. Thinking that got me a lot further(and my DD a lot more breastmilk!) than trying to be PC about nursing.

[kimthebride]

You got lots of great advice, and I am honestly too tired to finish reading everyone's longer responses but here's a few bits from me:

- Are you trying different positions/holds? With a Boppy versus pillow versus nothing at all?
- When did your LC see you last? At the hospital EVERY nurse and the LC actually said "wow" at how well DS took to the latch and ate away. I figured my nips were a little sore because I was new to BFing. Then 2 days after I got home, went to the Ped's and DS had lost over 1lb since his birth because he wasn't BFing truly properly. After hours with a LC, we realized I had to use nipple shields for him to BF well. Now he's fat and happy, and I'm okay with needing to use them.
- I just hit the 3 month mark and have no. freaking. clue. how I made it to this point! I am BFing exclusively and no, my nipples never did fall off even though I thought many times they would. :) (Gotta love Lanisoh Lanolin!) It was a lot of hard work, nipple shields, pumping bottles, asking for help...but it was worth it to me in the end.

Good luck!

[jenniferlynne]

Ditto on much of what others have said. I also hated it for the first six weeks because it was excruciatingly painful. I went to an LC, who helped with the latch, but it still hurt even though she assured me we were doing everything right. I too cried through most of the feedings but was determined to stick it out. As others have said, just getting through one feeding at a time really helped. By the six-week mark, it no longer hurt, and from then on it just got better and better and easier and easier. We finally weaned at 16 months and I miss it so much now!

People tell you it shouldn't hurt if you are doing it right, and I say B.S! It hurts, it's uncomfortable, it's downright weird sometimes.

Oh, how I wish someone had told me this from the beginning! Even though I knew from my BFing class that it could be a little complicated, I always thought BFing was just natural and so should come naturally, be easy and painless. It would've helped me enormously to know that it could take six weeks (or more!) before things got better.

[amom]

I won't yell at you, but I will promise that it gets better. I dreaded, hated, cried at every feeding for 3 months with my son -- but it did improve, as everyone has told you it would and we made it to a year.

Hang in there. Make it to your 6 week goal and set smaller goals after that. If it's not better by 6 weeks you can always quit then.

Have you contacted La Leche League or gotten help from a lactation consultant?

[lil_nance]

Forgot to mention this (Gotta love Lanisoh Lanolin!) Use it religously after EVERY feeding. It helped my nipples feel better when DS was at his biting (i.e. piranha crossed with a vacuum) worse.

[Mrs.Chappy]

can someone explain what the purpose of nipple shields are?.

[Marisa]

A nipple shield is a very thin piece of silicone that's sort of cone-shaped, with a wide base. It fits over the nipple completely. It's often used in cases with a preemie that won't latch, when mom has inverted or flat nipples, or severe nipple trauma.

Here's a link to Medela's page, you can see a picture of one (in use, and not in use) there:

http://www.medela.com/NewFiles/nipshield.html

[Daniel's Kitty]

We are doing okay. I wish he wouldn't bite and suck really hard, but I am having to learn to deal with it. I think my nipples may be permanently sore from the biting. Does anybody know any ways to stop a 3 week old from biting? He will even bite fingers if they get close to his mouth. Oh well.

I am hoping that my experiences haven't discouraged anyone. Since I know someone who was wondering if she will be able to do it cause Ben bit and I yelped while we were talking about how she has been feeling with her morning sickness.

I haven't seen any professionals, but I have found a few mothers who bfed their kids successfully, but so far most mothers just said that they didn't really have problems with biting until teething.

[dana b]

i was surprised with the biting myself, it wasn't something i had ever heard about in my bf'ing class. from my limited experience, i don't think the biting is common and i really think you need to see an lc for this. he needs to be taught to latch without biting, it's something that can be easily fixed. hiring an lc to come to my home was seriously the best money i've ever spent.
i would make sure both his bottom and top lips are flared out so that you can see the pink inside of his lips. if you can peek underneath, you should see his tongue hanging out over his bottom lip as he's sucking. wait to latch him on until he's opened his mouth wide enough, then pull the area around his lips so they're both flared out. if his tongue is out over his bottom gums, he shouldn't be able to bite you.
hth, like i said before i was able to stop my dd's biting after a couple of days of manually fixing her latch. the biting was awful and i only had to endure it for a few days, my nips were deformed from the biting.

[Daniel's Kitty]

He bites mainly when I try to unlatch him because he wants to keep the nipple in his mouth. He won't suck but he wants to keep it, but if I let him keep it he starts to chew on it. He likes to keep something around to suck on. I have to stick my finger in his mouth until I get it between his jaws so he can't bite down to unlatch him.

He has a great latch and it doesn't hurt once his sucking calms down. He inherited my big mouth!

[pullbuoy]

He sounds a lot like my daughter was. My circle had a lot of biters in it, so from my experience it is pretty common. :) She was like a vice- she wouldn't bite while latched on, but she'd unlatch and bite down, or bite as I was pulling her off or putting her on, and man was her jaw strong. I actually have a few scars from her biting after she got teeth(a particularly bad bite is what got her cute little butt weaned ETA: For some reason I am feeling sensitive, and feel the need to point out that she was biting enough to bleed for 5 months- it wasn't just a phase.). Maybe a paci or some teething toys? My kid never took them, but maybe your kid has a need to chew on stuff the way lots of babies have a strong need to suck. I didn't know you hadn't seen an LC, though! Go see an LC! Often if they are biting it's because they are having trouble getting enough because of a bad latch. It could be something as simple as that, and then all your problems will be solved! LCs know so much more than your average mother- one woman will have only nursed a kid or two, but LCs have seen so many latches.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I will have to wait about a month before we can afford to try an LC. My car needs tires and they are expensive. LC's are really expensive, or atleast the ones I have met in my area are. I used to baby-sit for one.

I talked to his ped since he has 30 years of experience including with his own wife bfing. I know he is getting plenty to eat, and he gets one swallow for every one or two sucks. The ped said to make sure not to let him use me as a pacifier since that was causing part of the problem.

The biting is getting better unless we are around my IL's since they think I am over-feeding him so they wait until he is screaming his head off before giving him back. MIL was told that my DH was getting too much as a baby so she decided that my son is too. I just make sure to take him off when he isn't really sucking and to make sure I have a finger in his mouth when I am taking him off so if he bites down my finger gets it instead. I was just curious about if anybody knew how to stop it.

[Marisa]

Can you investigate if your insurance will cover it? Mine had a good "well mother, well baby" program that would've paid for one LC visit or one home health aide visit after we were discharged from the hospital.

Also call LLL if you haven't, seriously -- they're totally totally free and they may know of a LC with a sliding scale, or a place to see one for free or for cheap.

[catmom]

The LC at our hospital sees patients for free after they have been dismissed, and they have a weekly breastfeeding clinic as well. You might try calling your hospital and asking.

I also saw a private LC, and she charged $80 for a one-hour home visit. To me, this was worth it, and it's one of the few things I would say are worth charging on a credit card and paying off later if you have to.

eta: ITA about calling LLL. Some LLL leaders are also LC's and can give you free advice if you go to a meeting.

[ButterflyJen]

Kat, try calling your county health department. Ask if they have an LC on staff. The visit(s) should be free, as she *should* be paid from your taxes. Seriously, try this. This is the only way I was able to see an LC to help me out, as there was no way we could afford one either.

[Lizzie Beth]

The biting is getting better unless we are around my IL's since they think I am over-feeding him so they wait until he is screaming his head off before giving him back. MIL was told that my DH was getting too much as a baby so she decided that my son is too.

You know, I had a similar problem around my IL's, too. Is this the first grandchild? My MIL acted like BF'ing was the strangest thing in the world and was NOT supportive. In time I realized that at least part of this was that she felt it cut down on her time with the baby. She felt weird being around me while I was BF'ing, and so did I. I started pumping to build up a little supply whenever she was over at our house or we were over at her house, and she seemed happier if she could give DD a bottle. She wanted to do freakin' whatever she could to get me out of her hair so she could have DD all to herself. ;) I don't blame her - DD is awfully cute.

But staying over there too long meant I would be bustin' out all over.... In retrospect, I should have taken my pump along with me, gone up to DH's old bedroom with a good book and pumped away. And somehow every time she was at my house, I felt I needed to entertain her every single second, like a good hostess... And what she really wanted was the baby all to herself... I could have gone up to my bedroom and pumped and watched TV or something. Partially I think I craved the company, though, even MIL!! ;) Being at home in the beginning and BF'ing can feel so isolating...

But just about the part where your IL's keep him until he's screaming - this is the part where I absolutely took control. When I felt it was time to take DD back, I just took her back - no asking, no rationalizing, no cajoling. This was MY kid, and I said - "don't worry, I'll give her right back when she's gotten what she wants. I don't think it's time for her to be dieting just yet", and so forth.. If I hadn't set the tone that DD is my child and I will make the decisions, I think it would have been all downhill from there with the IL's.

Hope everything is going better today!

[Daniel's Kitty]

Sorry for any typos, reaching around baby napping in my lap.

I think I figured out his biting. He only does it when he gets bored cause I am ignoring him! I usually spend the whole time talking to him or rubbing his back. When we are out and there is a blanket over him I am usually talking to whoever I am with and he isn't getting what he wants from the time. I think he likes the cuddle with mommy time. He starts to get all squirmy and upset if he isn't getting HIS attention.

I also figured out why my nipples get so sore overnight. I leak so much that the pads get soaked and then I keep wearing them till I have to go feed him. I slept braless last night and it helped, at least until I feel asleep and Ben sucked for an hour and a half like I am his pacifier, but atleast he was asleep too.

IL's He is FIL's fourth and MIL's first although she claims the others, he is the first that lives near them. I do take him away if I am sitting right there, but they won't come find me if they are where I can't hear Ben and the whole time I am feeding I hear that I shouldn't feed him just because he is hungry. She bfed her two sons but my dh was a chubby baby and they told her it was from nursing too much so she wants to control Ben. They told her that dh would be fat for life (this is the guy woho didn't start to gain weight till after we got married.)

[Sal03]

the whole time I am feeding I hear that I shouldn't feed him just because he is hungry
give me a break. gotta love inlaws. :rolleyes:

I have been reading along and am so happy to hear you sounding so much better!

eta I would honestly say to them if they do not bring DS to you if he is crying, they will not be allowed out of your sight when holding him. They obviously need to be put in their place!

[Marisa]

the whole time I am feeding I hear that I shouldn't feed him just because he is hungry

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Next time she starts to eat something, someone should tell HER that! The nerve!!!


It is vital for babies, especially young babies, to get a sufficient diet with the right amount of fats for brain development. Scheduling feedings can lead to Failure to Thrive in coming weeks -- it's often diagnosed around 3-4 months. I'm glad your DH turned out ok, but that does *not* work for all babies!

[thedoorchick]

the whole time I am feeding I hear that I shouldn't feed him just because he is hungry

Yeah and shame on you for sleeping when you're tired or having a glass of water when you're thirsty. The audacity! :rolleyes:

I mean, really, what is the point of eating if not to satisfy hunger? Hunger tells us that we need food!

I don't have any advice really; I just wanted to comment on that. How ridiculous!

[albuquerque]

I think I'm going to go back to my Nov Mommies thread and suggest that everyone read through it, just so that we know in advance what BF can be like. Forewarned is forearmed. And all that crap in the books and everywhere else about "if you're doing it right it shouldn't hurt", ugh, I have so many friends who all ended up really loving the BF experience but *everyone* said it hurt in the beginning. Who do they think they are helping when they say that???? Obviously if it didn't hurt you wouldn't be reading the book or having the conversation, so what is the point of that comment except to say, you're having trouble because you're doing something wrong, i.e. it's your fault?!

[SiValleySteph]

Please no one take this the wrong way!

I would just hate for someone out there reading this to not give breastfeeding a try because it will hurt. It might hurt. It might not. I had no pain or problems breastfeeding. So it is possible. There is hope for you mommies-to-be! I was so prepared to have problems - I had a support group lined up and knew the numbers of lactation consultants. I was fortunate not to need them. I did go to the support group with my friend (whose baby is the same age as mine) to support her. She started with a lot of difficulties and pain, and is now continuing to love nursing as our babies are about to turn 1!

[Daniel's Kitty]

It is really hard after trying not to upset Daniel's parents to have to push back so I can take care of my son.

Well other than trying to let me nipples finish healing we have stopped most of the pain but his strong suck I can deal with. The only really bad thing is when I get cold, and I think a sweater is the only way to stop that since I was sensitive to the cold before.

albuquerque I had never been around anyone bfing and just read all of the stuff. I had such a distorted view of it. There is a definite learning curve.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I would agree that no one should use my personal experiences to discourage them from trying it!!!
I know a lot of people now that had and have such beautiful experiences with it. I am happy to know that I am giving it my best shot, and I would hate to think that people decided not to try because of me.

[catmom]

Daniel'sKitty: Just read your last 2 posts... Are you having bad nipple pain when you get cold? This is exactly what I had, and it turned out to be raynaud's of the nipple. Basically whenever DD latched on, it felt like a vice clamp. Let me see if I can dig up an article for you that discusses it. My dr gave me a prescription for a calcium channel blocker, and it helped SO much.

Here you go:
"Raynaud's phenomenon of the nipple: a treatable cause of painful breastfeeding."
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/113/4/e360

SiValleySteph: I see where you're coming from, but I also think it's important for people to get the full picture and be prepared. I felt like I was betrayed by the "bf-ing movement," because no one had told me there was a good chance it would hurt in the beginning. I also felt like a failure and a bad mother because all the books had said that it shouldn't hurt, so I felt like a screw-up because it DID hurt.

[curlywig]

I felt like I was betrayed by the "bf-ing movement," because no one had told me there was a good chance it would hurt in the beginning. I also felt like a failure and a bad mother because all the books had said that it shouldn't hurt, so I felt like a screw-up because it DID hurt.

That's very much how I felt too. I very much felt like it was MY fault because I couldn't get it right. Then I worried so much about DS and whether my stress and anxiety were negatively effecting him.

[kat]

As a mom-to-be of twins (who hopes to BF them), I want to thank everyone who's posted in this thread - I agree with albuquerque that it really helps to feel better prepared. I may even insist that my DH read it, too. :)

(Thanks also to SiValleySteph, because it also helps to know that these issues, though common, aren't a "given").

[Daniel's Kitty]

Thanks catmom! I think I will have to talk to my DR about that. I have really sensitive nipples which is part of my problem. I hated taking showers last winter since it burned so much, ouchie there is a window in our shower. Did that help with the sensitive to cold?

[catmom]

I have raynaud's in general, which basically means my fingers and toes lose circulation when it's really cold. It really hurts! So yes, the meds have helped with that as well. I think the telltale sign of nipple raynaud's is that the nipple is blanched when it comes out of the baby's mouth. Mine were very pale pink and sometimes almost white.


eta: thought I would add that I have always hated jumping into a cold swimming pool, because it would make my nipples hurt so much. I always thought that was normal until my dr told me it wasn't.

[Daniel's Kitty]

Isn't it normal for nipples to hurt with cold water?! I thought cold nipples were supposed to hurt. :confused: I am curious now.

Are you another one of us with cold hands and feet? If my fingers or toes get cold they feel almost like they were slammed in a car door.

[catmom]

Isn't it normal for nipples to hurt with cold water?! I thought cold nipples were supposed to hurt.
Yeah, that's what I thought, too! I talked to a couple of other people, and apparently, when they get in a cold pool their nipples just feel... cold. Who knew? Mine feel like they were pinched really hard. I didn't realize until a few months ago that that isn't normal.

Are you another one of us with cold hands and feet? If my fingers or toes get cold they feel almost like they were slammed in a car door.

Oh yeah, that sounds like raynaud's. Do your fingers/toes ever get bluish or white? I even have to be careful handling frozen food, because sometimes the circulation to my fingers cuts off with the cold and they go totally white and numb. I would definitely talk to your dr about the possibility of raynaud's. I printed out the article I posted and took it to my dr (I had already been diagnosed with raynaud's, but never took medication for it before, and had never heard it could affect your nipples). He was very interested and wrote me a script for norvasc, which isn't the same medication they talk about in the article, but is in the same family. He said if it was going to work, it would help right away. Within a day or two I went from gut-wrenching pain every time I nursed to managable discomfort. It took another month or so for the pain to go away completely, but it was so minor compared to what it had been like that it was something I could tolerate.

[Daniel's Kitty]

My toes will and then take about an hour to warm back up. My fingers do that when I am getting ready to cook dinner. I wind up feeling like I burned them on the frozen chicken!
I was figuring it was normal since my it happened to my fingers toes and nipples. I never thought of nipples just feeling cold.

[newmommy]

I did a search on guilt/nursing, and this was the closest that I found....

My DS is five months old, and doing very well. He's strong healthy and quite sturdy, however lately I've been feeling really guilty-because I gave up on nursing after three weeks.
The saddest part is that it was going very well, he latched on easily, I had an ample milk supply my breaking point came when I began suffering from migraines(probably from sleep deprivation) and I couldn't take my RX while BFing....and lately I wish I just sucked it up and continued on.......not sure how much longer I would have gone--but I've been feeling so guilty....can anyone relate?

[Dally]

newmommy--I can't relate to that particular experience, but, I just wanted to say that you shouldn't beat yourself up about this. What I can relate to is that we all do things when parenting that later we feel guilt or doubt about. I think doubt about the first few months is especially acute.

Here's what I say to myself when I start feeling guilty about something: "I did the best I could with the knowledge and and feelings I had in that situation and at that time."

You were hurting, you needed relief, so you made the best choice you could in the situation you were in. Now you are doing better--and your son is doing well--so it turned out fine. Please give yourself a break. (And, if you ever have another child, you could always try BFing again.)

[Sarah]

My DS is five months old, and doing very well. He's strong healthy and quite sturdy, however lately I've been feeling really guilty-because I gave up on nursing after three weeks.
The saddest part is that it was going very well, he latched on easily, I had an ample milk supply my breaking point came when I began suffering from migraines(probably from sleep deprivation) and I couldn't take my RX while BFing....and lately I wish I just sucked it up and continued on.......not sure how much longer I would have gone--but I've been feeling so guilty....can anyone relate?

No reason to feel guilty- you did what you thought was best, and what's done is done. Feeling bad helps no one. But if you are interested in relactation, it's very possible and many people have great success. You might never get back to full supply, but you could try nursing a little and see how it goes. :)

[newmommy]

Thanks.
Dh and I spoke about my feelings tonight, and I'm going to just try again with our next DC.....I guess I was overwhelmed with how sick I felt, etc.

Thanks for the tips on relactating, I'm going to google it now :D

[DianeCourt]

newmommy: I can totally relate. I gave up after one month because DD wasn't gaining weight. I was convinced that I was starving her and I couldn't keep up with the regimen prescribed by the LC to aid a potential supply problem. I, too, was very hard on my myself. Fast forward 7 months, though, and DD is doing very well. She's growing well and is developmentally on track. In time, you will see the same thing. As soon as I decided to FF, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I started to enjoy being a mom for the first time. I did what I thought was the best for DD at that time. I was surprised at my guilt & feelings of failure, however. Just when I thought I had gotten over that, all of the feelings came rushing back when I saw moms who were successfully BFing. I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to do that.

I will try to BF again with Baby #2. I don't really know what the issues were with DD, but I know that it can be totally different next time. I learned a lot and I already have a list of things I will do differently next time. I will ALWAYS try and see how it goes. You're a great mom because you tried, too.

[Marisa]

Lately I've been adding "Spilled Milk" to my list of recommended books. It's a great breastfeeding book, not for information, but for stories and support. It covers all the different aspects of the breastfeeding experience (first days, going back to work, weaning) and it shares other moms' stories about their successes and failures without judging.

The author herself gave up on breastfeeding at 6 months with her first DD, just because she didn't want to do it anymore. However, she admits that as she was writing this book, she was nursing her second DD who was over 6 months old. Every woman's experience is different, even from child to child.

It's a great read. :)

[newmommy]

Thanks! I've decided that baby #2 will be much different. I will take a BF class, and not wing it--and hopefully stick to it much longer. I'm surprised by how guilty/sad I've been feeling, because I know that when we switched to bottles I was sort of relieved.

Thanks again

[jimmysgirl424]

Giving this thread a bump; great topic and tremendously helpful responses.

[Wrighty26]

Where was this thread last summer??

I really really hated breastfeeding at first. REALLY. I considered quitting several times and forced myself to stick with it. Like others have posted in this thread, I had Raynaud's. It's amazing to me how common it is, yet there isn't a lot of info out there on it.

By 8 weeks things were finally going well for me. DS was still a marathon nurser and took about 30-40 minutes to eat, but the pain was gone. By 3-4 months he was finally speeding things up -- and that's when I really started to enjoy breastfeeding. Nowadays, I'm lucky to get 10 minutes with him and it's the only time he really lets me "snuggle" with him. It's so wonderful! I have now been nursing for 10 months and I'm going strong! I plan on nursing him well past the 1-year mark too. I'm VERY happy I stuck it out :D

[vjel]

I had latch issues w/ my DD but never pain (bf'd her for a year). With ds now...HOLY COW. He has a vigorous suck, he likes to bite on my nipples (which are cracked and blistered) and yank on them before he finally latches. I was close to quitting on Tues. but ran up to the hospital to talk to the LC there (she is IBCLC), got good info and help. Things were ok for a day. Then the pain started again. I called an independent LC to come to the house and she was great as well but still there is pain (none when the LCs were there to help though).

I was really on the fence about BFing this time around but when the thought of quitting entered my head earlier in the week, I realized how important it was to me to stick with it. That's when I sought help.

how did everyone get thru the pain at each feeding??? 6 weeks (or whenever things got better for you) is a LONG time to endure pain so many times a day! I am also trying to set small goals for myself and take it one day at a time but it's not easy.

[Daniel's Kitty]

Wow I haven't thought about this thread in a long time. I tried to check my latch regularly and grin and bear it.
I got lucky and it got better and now I have a really simple nurser the second time.

[lilmomma]

Good for you!!! I hated bfing too because it was sooo painful. Miraculously it got better at 2-3 weeks. Now its 17 months later and I am having a hard time even thinking about weaning. I love the bonding during bfing!!

[jennylou]

It was 6-7 weeks before it started feeling better for me. I too, think I have Raynaud's though it was never diagnosed.

We're at 9 months now and still going strong. :)

[emschwar]

bumping this up.

I am not enjoying bfing this time aroud. I;m not in any pain, daniel latches just fine. I just don't like it. I bfed noah for 16 months, so i'm having trouble wrapping my head around this. I don't know if it's the sleep deprivation talking, or if it's baby blues, or what.

if i knew for sure he'd tolerate regular formula, or even soy, i'd probably switch to formula. but noah couldn't tolerate either, and i don't know if our budget will tolerate hypoallergenic. (i'm also worried if i do stop bfing, i'll regret it later.)

[isobel]

bumping this up.

I am not enjoying bfing this time aroud. I;m not in any pain, daniel latches just fine. I just don't like it. I bfed noah for 16 months, so i'm having trouble wrapping my head around this. I don't know if it's the sleep deprivation talking, or if it's baby blues, or what.

if i knew for sure he'd tolerate regular formula, or even soy, i'd probably switch to formula. but noah couldn't tolerate either, and i don't know if our budget will tolerate hypoallergenic. (i'm also worried if i do stop bfing, i'll regret it later.)

Oh I so know how you feel. I am still nursing my twins at ten months and plan to keep going at least to a year but there are times when I have hated it. Especially at first when it felt like it was all I did. Can you pump at all and get a couple hours of sleep or even a hot bath. Just getting away for a walk or trip to Target was the best cure in those days. Keep going. You are amazing for giving this care and love to your child (in case you have not heard that lately!!).

[emschwar]

Oh I so know how you feel. I am still nursing my twins at ten months and plan to keep going at least to a year but there are times when I have hated it. Especially at first when it felt like it was all I did. Can you pump at all and get a couple hours of sleep or even a hot bath. Just getting away for a walk or trip to Target was the best cure in those days. Keep going. You are amazing for giving this care and love to your child (in case you have not heard that lately!!).

I guess I could pump, but if there's one thing I hate more than nursing right now, it's pumping. I've always despised that!

[isobel]

I guess I could pump, but if there's one thing I hate more than nursing right now, it's pumping. I've always despised that!

Once again, I know how you feel. i actually give the girls 2-3oz a formula a day now because I do not want to pump for the nighttime bottle (they have gotten too big to tandem nurse). But when I was still pumping I always did it while reading a book and drinking wine as kind of a wind down. It helped. :)

[NYN]

I'm sorry to hear that -- it must be tough. Have you always felt this way or is it a recent development? Have you had other symptoms of PPD or anxiety this time around or with your first? I would bring it up with my OB and try to go to a support group like LLL if possible. I know what you mean about the pumping, I felt very much the same way. I also think you're smart not to make any rash decisions right now since it will be much harder to go back to nursing if you give up now. Maybe you can set a short-term goal for yourself, like six months, and then reevaluate.

[lawphil]

At 4 weeks I wouldn't say I am enjoying breast feeding but I am feeling a lot less pain. I didn't think I would make it this far when I was in tears with the pain and this is when I was on percocet & motrin (post c-section). It is still not great - combination of dd's very strong latch & suck as well as my inverted nipples still needing to toughen up! But I am glad I held on and made it this far because it really does get easier and I am thankful that I am able to bf my baby.

Em - I get hating to pump - for me it is more painful than bf - however I so look forward to the 10PM pump while I watch the news and dh is up in dd's bedroom feeding her the bottle, changing her into pjs, and getting her swaddled and into bed. It is like just having that moment to myself and not having to think gives me a piece of sanity - which allows me to then handle whatever comes during that night! Just a thought.

[Heather719]

I get hating to pump - for me it is more painful than bf

When I pumped, I used my SIL's Medela Pump in Style. She bought it, but never used it, so I used all the parts she sent with it, including the horns. And pumping hurt like a SOB! It took me a week to figure out that the horns were too small (my SIL isn't well endowed and, thanks to BF, I was). Once I upped the size of the horns so they fit over my breast better, all pain from the pumping was gone. I apologize if this is a no-brainer, but it was something I never realized and thought I'd pass along just in case.

Good luck!