Trial and Error Mama's aka "Do you ignore the Pros suggs? Do you buck the system?"

[LyLMyssChaos]

This thread was inspired by the TV thread:
I for one am a mommy that often does what I think is right for my child, regardless of what any study or professional may think. I have found that most often, for every study out there, you can find another one that disproves it, so I tend to parent by trial and error. I feed my kids whatever they will eat, I put them to bed however they will sleep, I feed them when they are hungry, I put them to bed when they are tired. We pretty much don't have any sort of schedule that we follow and our kids seem to be doing just fine. I just usually see what the doctors and scientists have to say, then if I think it's worth trying? I might try it. If I don't think it's worth trying? I don't. Or I usually do my own research (which usually entails talking to other more experienced mommies and making my own conclusions.) I just can't figure out how we all managed to survive so long without all of the interventions that exist in dealing with children today. So, my question is: are any other "trial and error" mommies out there? Are there any other mommies that "buck the system?"

[Paula R]

I tend to follow my own mind. I trust my instincts.

I have never read a parenting book. I read parenting magazines but I think a parenting book is not worth the investment. I am of the opinion that just because someone wrote a book, that does not necessarily make them an "expert" in the matter. There will always be another "expert" who wrote a book with a different opinion.

My children do not have a sleep schedule. I put them to bed when they appear to be sleepy. We do not have a bedtime routine. We are usually out until at least 9pm most nights so a bedtime routine will not work for us. I allowed both of my kids ( 2 year old and 10 month old) to sleep on their tummy as babies. They slept better that way which made me sleep better. My 2 year old loves TV and I am ok with it. He has a huge vocabulary and EVERYONE that meets him always tell me how advanced he is for his age. He learned a lot from TV. At 18 months he knew all of his colors and shapes and I think he learned his shapes from TV. I know we never taught him. My child is a very friendly well adjusted 2 year old.

I also talk to my mom, MIL and other experienced moms when I need some help. I choose experience over a parenting philosophy anyday.

[Winter Biscuit]

I think a lot of parenting is trial and error. I'm not sure about the rest of you, but my kid didn't come with an owner's manual :) No matter how much you read and try to educate yourself about the gazillion things every parent needs to know, there's always going to be more than one way to parent your child, and there's always going to be a gazillion more things that you know nothing about. I think they key is to try to find out what feels right to you and works for YOUR child and YOUR family. I think being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world because you are always on center stage, and people are always observing you and evaluating your performance, whether you want them to or not. Sometimes you get standing ovations, and sometimes you don't.

I don't necessarily 'buck the system' but I try to do what feels "right" to me. Some of it is common sense. Some of it is doing what the "experts" say I should be doing. And some of what I do might be considered non-traditional and against the so called "expert" recommendations.

[lorbo]

um, yeah! my kids don't have an early bedtime and i wouldn't really say it's scheduled. my kids are put to bed later and sleep later in the morning(with the exception of DS right now), so that i'm more rested after working and commuting until 12am. we don't have scheduled meals-those happen when they happen. can't think of anything else right...stressed from hospital bills and DS is trying to type!

[adoredh]

I just can't figure out how we all managed to survive so long without all of the interventions that exist in dealing with children today.

Sorry, not a mom yet, but I wanted to answer that one question (IMPO of course :) )

The reason our mom's managed, and their mom's before them, is because that old saying "it takes a villiage to raise a child" was true - now days, people seem to live in their own bubbles. Each parent depends more on books, then on devoloping their own experience.

Back to the original question:

I plan to parent with my heart, and use the tools that studies have proven useful (such as the fancy mobile I have with the black and white patterns to devolpe the baby's brain) and go from there. So I guess I plan to buck the system in most ways. I have not bought a single parenting book, and I don't plan to. I'm happy with the way that I was raised, and plan to use my parents skills as my model. I was raised with love, but I was also raised to be respectful. My sister and I would have never pulled a temper tantrum in the middle of a store, or at home for that matter, we knew better. I believe that children need to have a healthy fear of their parents, in order for their parents to protect them and teach them to be productive adults.

I could go on a on about my beliefs in how I'm gonig to raise my child, most of those ideas are going to change, I'm sure, but the core of them will stay the same. And to be honest, most of those beliefs are way different then what I've seen while lurking on the parenting threads...

Proud to buck the system. :D

[RileyMom]

The problem with the "experts" is that as soon as you find an "expert" that tells you to do one thing, there will be another camp that will tell you you are harming your child. Enter the whole sleep issue, for example. One camp says if you CIO, your kid will grow up with serious attachment issues because they were left to cry as babies. The other camp says if you DON'T CIO, your kid will never learn to sleep on his/her own and have sleep issues for the rest of his life. Who's right? Neither, probably.

So yes, I go mostly by instinct and what "feels" right. I didn't breastfeed because some study told me my kid would be healthier. I breastfed because I wanted to and once I got the hang of it, it was a great bonding experience for DD and I (nutrition was a big plus, obviously). I co-slept because I WANTED to, not because I thought my kid would be better than a crib sleeper. I can't see myself ever doing something strictly because someone told me I should. If it feels right, I do it. If it doesn't, I don't. Its almost that simple.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Glad to see that I'm not alone. I just sometimes find myself reading threads about all of the things that we are "supposed to do" or "not do" and I just think to myself, my goodness, if I followed all of those rules? I'd drive myself and everyone around me nuts!! No two children are the same, and boy have I learned that after having my son. I swear, there was so much stuff that I "insisted" on with my DD, and now with my son, I'm just like "that is so overkill!" Maybe it comes with mommy experience, but more often than not, I find myself disagreeing with the "experts," and I do not see my DD suffering in any way. She is also an "advanced child" or at least I am told that at least once a week by someone who meets her, and she is also well adjusted, so I say, follow the 5 second rule, give them candy and let them eat cake! If you start to see issues, perhaps you should adjust things! ;)

[BTB]

Ok, I'll bite, actually my answer would be "yes, I do buck the system" - but not because I think the studies are wrong or meritless. Sure, there are studies that contradict other studies, so when taken individually, they're confusing. But I look at the body of knowledge, and try to utilize it because I'm just one mama, with just one baby, and want to take advantage of the experiences of those that have gone before me - but not in an anecdotal way, because I, personally, don't trust anecdotes.

We cobbled together, for example, ideas from a couple of the 'sleep gurus' and so far, knock on wood, it's working. I guess that's 'bucking the system' - trying things out to figure out what works. I think the fact that there are so many 'sleep gurus' out there is testament to the fact that one method doesn't work for all kids. It's a Forrest Gump thing: Kids are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. I don't think parenting can be one-size-fits-all. But I do understand how some groups go about making such recommendations, and I do think they know better than me on many topics. It's not like I'd hand DD over to a book to be raised, but knowing how "expert opinons" are formed, and who forms them, and knowing I have less knowledge and experience than they do, I do try to follow what's backed by research. If it works, great, if it doesn't, then it's time for me to ignore them. :) But I do give it a shot.

[RileyMom]

I should add that I did read parenting books when DD was very little, but I never picked up a book that didn't have the same philosophy as me. ;) So I'm not sure I ever saw "all sides" accurately, because I wasn't really interested in the other side, kwim? Not sure if that was a good thing..... ;)

[catmom]

Yeah, I am always interested in different opinions, and I read the scientific studies whenever I can, but for the most part I know that I know my DD better than anyone, and I know what she needs. Before she was born, I read all the dr. sears books and was totally comitted to attachment parenting. But you know what? A lot of the things that he touts as things that make all babies happy (cosleeping, slinging, etc) were not working for DD! We coslept for 3 months, at which point I was miserable because I woke up everytime she moved, and I'm pretty sure I was waking her up, too. So I transfered her to the crib, and you know what? She was perfectly happy there. Sears also talks about how awful strollers are, and that the best method of baby transport is the sling. Well, DD will tolerate the sling for brief periods, but she really doesn't like it much. She LOVES her stroller, though. So should I make my kid unhappy just to follow the orders of some dr who never even met her?

Basically, I consider myself a well-educated, intelligent person, and I know my DD. I am interested in studies, "expert" opinions, and the experiences of friends and relatives, but in the end, I'm the one (along with DH, of course) who has to figure out how all that data applies to my own unique baby.

[Sarah]

But would you still do these things if they "felt right" but were medically contraindicated, or proven to be sangerous/risky? I don't get it.
breastfed because I wanted to and once I got the hang of it, it was a great bonding experience for DD and I (nutrition was a big plus, obviously). I co-slept because I WANTED to, not because I thought my kid would be better than a crib sleeper. I can't see myself ever doing something strictly because someone told me I should. If it feels right, I do it. If it doesn't, I don't. Its almost that simple.

That's fine, I suppose. And I am sure you don't care how others parent, except perhaps on the macro level, for public health's sake.

But suppose a mother said to you, "I don't use a carseat, because honestly, I am fine, I never had one. And Johnny hates his. It just feels fine and great for him to ride on my lap!"

or
"Sally loves eating cheetos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and she's fine! Even though she's overweight, I know my kid and she'll be fine."

or
"My mom smoked when pg, and I was fine. I love smoking, and my last three kids came out fine and big and healthy. Why stop now?"

Silly, right? So should we all parent by instinct? Or does a good parent use the information we are blessed to have (like studies showing that carseats are safe) to make good choices? Yes, we all fly by the seat of our pants sometimes, and make decisions based on our individual children's needs and our families' desires. But that should not replace using the tools we have to keep our children safe.

I honestly think it's silly to ignore well done studies that overwhelmingly point to certain truths just to feel better about less than optimal choices we make. I certainly make some bad choices as a parent, some of them quite consciously. Most are for convenience or money's sake. For example, my kid never wore a carseat in cabs when we didn't have a car. Unsafe? Definetely. But I am not going to pretend it was okay and justify it, saying "oh, some studies show carseats aren't better." There are truths in the world, and to ignore them or deny them to make ourselves feel better is not honest or fair, IMO.

[Sarah]

So I transfered her to the crib, and you know what? She was perfectly happy there. Sears also talks about how awful strollers are, and that the best method of baby transport is the sling. Well, DD will tolerate the sling for brief periods, but she really doesn't like it much. She LOVES her stroller, though. So should I make my kid unhappy just to follow the orders of some dr who never even met her?

I think things like this are totally different than things like the TV recommendation, or the BFing recs, or carseat safety. There is pretty much a consensus on most of these issues, whereas attachment parenting or Ezzo or whatever are based on specific Dr's theories.

For example, I think it's pretty much a medical consensus that a well rested child is more functional, happy, and healthy child. But after that, the opinions diverge and there are many theories on how to get to sleep.
It's also basically agreed upon that a child who is securely attached to mom and dad is better off than one who is not. But what creates and supports healthy attachment is a matter of opinion.

Not that same as carseats, BFing, back-sleeping, not smoking while pg, avoiding TV before age 2, etc.

[mom_to_zoe]

Well, I do believe that a parent knows his or her child better than anyone, and parents should do what they believe is best for their children, not simply mindlessly follow experts, at the same time, experts do exist and they have valuable things to say. I consider my pediatrician to have expertise and knowledge that I don't and I trust her, so when she recommends something I do it, like, for example, putting babies to sleep on their back, or having DD vaccinated. I also believe that there are child development experts, people who have studied the subject, written thoughtful works on child development and whose works have stood the test of time, which help me as a parent understand what kind of behavior are age-appropriate and what the impetus is for that behavior. Sure, sometimes experts disagree, but that does not mean that all child development literature is worthless. I would never follow a book that called for me to do something that went against my instinct, but there are plenty of time, particularly now that DD has hit the toddler years, that I recognize that she is going through some significant develomental period and that is causing her to act in a certain way, and some child development literature has really helped me understand it better.

[LyLMyssChaos]

This is the kind of stuff that I was talking about:

*Both of my children slept on their stomachs because they refused to sleep on their backs, if you put them on their backs, they would just scream for hours and hours, so I put them on their tummies and they are out like a light.

*The experts say to not give my son cereal in a bottle, well, he NEEDED cereal at 2 months, so there really was no other way to give it to him, so that's what we used.

*We began feeding our son cereal/food at 1 1/2 months because formula just wasn't cutting it and our ped actually asked us at our 2 month if we had started yet because he was going to recommend it.

*We co-slept with our DD more out of laziness on my part than out of bonding. We don't co-sleep with our son because he is bottle fed, so we feed him and put him to bed.

*We don't put DS to sleep with a bottle, not because some "study" says not to, but because I witnessed my brother get horrific baby bottle mouth that he is still fighting today at 21 years old.

*I use a carseat because I believe it is safer, but (don't flame me please Sarah--I know carseats are your thing and we've clashed on this before!:) ) my DD was rear facing before she was 20 pounds because she did not hit that point until she was 22 months old. But, my DS who is only 4 months old has hit the 20 pound mark and I have no intentions of turning him around until a year unless he shows signs of readiness earlier.

*I give my DD more than the recommended amount of juice almost everyday. I water it down considerably, but she still gets more than she should and I'm okay with that. She also has some crazy eating habits...there are days where she eats nothing but popcorn, but then the next day she is on a chicken kick. As far as I'm concerned, if she eats? It's good and her ped. has no concerns at all.

*Our DD had most, but not all vaccinations because we opted out--against my peds. recommendation, but he is respecting our choices. So we don't fit with either side.

It's this kind of thing that I meant by "bucking the system." I very often find myself going against the grain in my parenting choices and I am finding through this thread that perhaps there are more of "us" out there than I realized, we're just not as verbal, perhaps?

[mom_to_zoe]

Well, where do you draw the line between following your own instincts and "bucking the system," and being irresponsible? I think that is the essence of Sarah's question. I really don't mean to be rude, but I am surprised that people put babies to sleep on their backs. I would be scared to do this myself.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Well, where do you draw the line between following your own instincts and "bucking the system," and being irresponsible? I think that is the essence of Sarah's question. I really don't mean to be rude, but I am surprised that people put babies to sleep on their backs. I would be scared to do this myself.

I totally get what you are saying. I don't mean that I'm going to just let my kid run around in the car all whilly nilly, or just hype themselves up on coca-cola, or run with scissors or anything. But, I really don't think that it matters so much how you put your kid to sleep. I have known children that died from choking on their own vomit while on their back and the doctor told the parents that if they had put the baby to sleep on it's stomach, it would have lived. I put my children to sleep however they are most comfortable. I always try to put them on their back, but after listening to them scream for hours, I cave and flip them over, only to have them sleeping in minutes, if that makes me irresponsible? Then so be it. I can understand why you are scared, there has been a huge push in this country to get us to put our babies to sleep on their backs, but just a few years ago, the big push was to put them on their stomachs, so ya just can't win for losing. It's precisely this kind of item that I'm talking about. I know that in just the last 10 years, the "experts" have changed their mind about 4 or 5 times on which is better back or stomach. That's why I tend to do my own research and decide what is best for my family.

[BTB]

I know that in just the last 10 years, the "experts" have changed their mind about 4 or 5 times on which is better back or stomach.

Which experts? The "Back to Sleep" campaign was launched in June 1994 and the recommendation has not changed once since.

But, I really don't think that it matters so much how you put your kid to sleep.

Since it launched, the number of SIDS deaths has dropped by half. How do you reconcile that with thinking it doesn't matter?

I also don't mean to be rude - I just wonder if you'd share what research you found that led you to your conclusions?

[Winter Biscuit]

Sorry to get off-topic but I felt compelled to respond to this:

My sister and I would have never pulled a temper tantrum in the middle of a store, or at home for that matter, we knew better.

I assume you are referring to when you and your sister were older, right? Because I have yet to meet or hear about a 18-24 month old toddler who "knew better" than to throw a tantrum. Going through the so-called "terrible two's" phase is part of a toddler's natural development and they cannot control the emotions that lead to the tantrum, no matter how hard their parents try to teach their kids to "know better." :)

[Kay]

Do you ignore the Pros suggs? Do you buck the system?"

Yes and no. I never read any parenting books. I did read some parenting magazines, especially with my first born. I never did any "sleep training". I was never strict with schedules. I fed on demand and the kids just kind of fell into their own schedules. I did co-sleep with both of them, but only out of exhaustion and laziness. They both watched tv when they were young.

I did however keep them rear facing until the they met the car seat requirements to foward face. I never gave them cereal in a bottle. When they were ready for cereal I spoon fed them a little.

I would never let them sleep on their stomachs. I remember doing a research paper on SIDS in nursing school and also had a neighbor growing up who's baby died of SIDS. I was terrified of them sleeping on their stomachs because of this.

I did vaccinate on time because I believe it was best and followed the advise of my pediatrician.

I believe that every child is different and everyone has the right to raise their children as they see fit. I would never do something that some expert recommended if I didn't feel it was right. If I didn't have any idea what to do in a certain situation, I would look it up online and/or read up on it and see what has worked for other parents. I would then try different things to see what worked for my child. Trial and error is a big part of parenthood for me.

[Sarah]

You must be thinking of someone else, Lilmiss. Carseat safety's not my thing; as I said, my DD was frequently in a car w/o a carseat when she was an infant. Not the safest choice, I admit.

[Natasha]

My son watches TV. He loves it, has a huge vocabulary, and a concious knowledge of numbers and colors. I let him run around in my moms backyard without constant supervision (I check on him every 5 minutes or so). I follow the guidelines for carseat and vaccinations. I definetly follow my instincts, but when it comes to safety, I am pretty conventional. We co slept until he was 6 months old or so, and he has no problem going to sleep in his own bed now at 2.5. I wouldn't say I ignore the pro's suggestions as much as I just use the ones that make sense and brush off the others.

[prudies]

I don't think there's anything wrong with going with your gut, and questioning certain "expert" advice on topics like sleep training, or toys or schedules. But there's nothing wrong with reading and wanting to acquire knowledge about a subject we care so much about - our kids.

[ellybelle]

I try to gain knowledge from as many sources as I can. I observe my child, read experts, question and read their evidence, and use my own intuition/common sense. Red flags come up in my mind when someone stringently warns me about something I'm considering doing (eg, insists that sleep training is the only way to get a child to sleep in the future, warns that formula supplementation almost always leads to the end of breastfeeding, tells me that co-sleeping is dangerous, etc.). I then try to do the best research I can on the matter, look at my daughter, listen to my gut and make a decision. That means not blindly following experts, but not dismissing them either.

[RileyMom]

But would you still do these things if they "felt right" but were medically contraindicated, or proven to be sangerous/risky? I don't get it.

:confused:

Absolutely Not.

I was under the assumption we were talking about things that were not proven to pose an immediate danger to your child. I dunno, maybe I am stating the obvious here, but it would seem to me that choosing not to use a car seat (ever, in your own vehicle - not just in a cab) is a far stretch from letting your baby CIO or not, or crib sleeping vs. co-sleeping. I guess I am confused about such comparisons.

What I was trying to say, is that I would have breastfed even if I was told it had the exact same nutritional value as forumla. I made the decision to breastfeed before I was even aware of the huge nutritional advantage it had. I just wanted to do it, it just felt right. OF COURSE I wouldn't have done it if it were dangerous to my child - I hope that would be obvious. I co-slept NOT because I read it in Dr. Sears book, I did it because it was convenient for breastfeeding and I loathed the idea of getting up several times a night. It was as simple as that. There are people out there who believe co-sleeping is dangerous, of course. But it is far from being proven, (unlike issue of not using a car seat).

I do agree that there is a difference between "bucking the system" to making downright dangerous decisions. Co-sleeping, CIO or not, cloth diapering, etc. =bucking the system. Not using a car seat = dangerous.

ETA: There are other issues that are not so obvious, like the vaccination issue. I have my own feelings on that, which I won't share. That could be considered "bucking the sysem" by some, but downright dangerous by others on both sides of the issue.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Sorry Sarah, I must have confused you with someone else! :o

I think that ellybelle and rileymom best summed up my philosophy. As for what resources did I use? I went with the recommendations of varying pediatricians that treated siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, several family members in the medical profession, and I'll also have to pull out of storage the magazine articles that I saved. I just know that very few children I have come in contact with were ever raised strictly by every single recommendation by the AAP. As someone previously posted, the recommendations are just fine and dandy in a controlled lab type setting, but if you try to apply some of the recommendations to every day life, they just are not practical. So I guess I'm just more of a practical mama. I didn't freak out if my DD's pacifier hit the ground, I usually just popped in my mouth and gave it back to her. I would just lay my DD down somewhere and change her, if I had a changing pad...great...if not...oh well. Does my kid eat stuff that she dropped on our floor? Yep. Does she eat stuff dropped on the floor in public? No, because I don't know what is on that floor. I know that when I was pregnant with my DD, I was so panicky about all of the things I "would not do" or "would do" with her, and once she was here? Eh, it all went out the window. I think that I'm even "worse" with my DS. Cruds, I guess my next child is really in for it, huh? :)

[RileyMom]

I should add that as far as the "research" I used, not much really. My family and friends all think I am mentally insane for cloth diapering, and warned me for the past two years how we would never get DD out of our bed. My mother kept asking me from when Riley turned 10 months when I was going to stop bf'ing. It never ended. I know NO ONE who has made similar parenting choices. I did buy Dr. Sears parenting book, because I was desperate to read that I wasn't odd for what I was doing. I also took comfort in the many Mamas on WC who had made similar choices.

And naturally, I followed my daughters cues. I really wanted to sling her, for example, and was brokenhearted when she didn't like it. But it was senseless to try to force something she obviously hated.

[tray622]

Since it launched, the number of SIDS deaths has dropped by half. How do you reconcile that with thinking it doesn't matter?

Excuse my ignorance, but hasnt studies also pointed out that during the time of the back-to-sleep campaign other changes such as a change in mattresses material, recommending against not using used mattresses, not having items in cribs, using safer bumpers (double tie) or none at all, having a greater emphasis on not having smoke around a baby, being more cautious with not making baby too warm, etc. were also a new attitude change? I will need to look later, but I could have sworm there were studies who acknowledged that the back-to-sleep campaign is a positive thing but could not be directly and solely linked to the decrease in SIDS alone. I think this is the kind of stuff that throws a parent off. I was too nervous to let Zoey sleep on her tummy until she was older; however my cousin after reading the different recommendations chose to let the baby get sleep and on the stomach so be it, yet also chose to be careful about the other factors that may incerase risk. It is just the perfect example of ways to let instinct run its path AND take the research as significant, IMO. I don see it as being in the "dangerous" category of parenting.

[Renrel]

I am an information junky when it comes to parenting. I like to be upto date on all the lastest theories and studies. My mom was always giving me a hard time when I was pg and a new mom that you can not parent from a book, you have to experience it. I understood that but I find being aware of lots of information makes me able to understand my child and make necessary decisions. If a study is new or not based on much data I am more likely to go with my gut than on a theory which has stood the course of time or is based on alot of research. But I still remember that my child is an individual not a statistic and that he lives in my family not a lab.

There are times when I agree with studies and recommendation in general but weight gains and losses and decide to take some risk for some gain. I allow a small amount of TV, I gave bottles of EBM as well as BFing and I used a very very small about of formual, I have gone without a car seat in a taxi, I had a couple of glasses of wine and some lox and cold cuts while I was pg. I have let DS taste wine off of my finger and take a sip of ice coffee or soda out of my cup. If my child would/could not fall sleep on his back after making a very strong effort to succeed I would let him sleep on his stomach. These are places where my feeling is that either the risk is very small (That my child will be the one to die of SIDS) or the damage likely to be very small (allowing 30 minutes of DVD on occassion) and I really want the benefit I feel I can get by taking the risk (My child (and the rest of the family) will get needed sleep, Mom will have a few minutes to sit and socialize on line and therefore be more attentive for the other 23.5 hours of the day, or DS will not fight getting his nails clipped.)

[BTB]

As someone previously posted, the recommendations are just fine and dandy in a controlled lab type setting, but if you try to apply some of the recommendations to every day life, they just are not practical.

The studies aren't done in labs. They're done using plain ol' kids, with plain ol' moms. I understand study interpretation is bewildering to many, but the bottom line is you put your faith somewhere - everybody does. (using faith loosely, not as a religious term). You choose what to rely on - data, anecdote, "feeling right", trial and error, what-have-you. What's bewildering to me, is that in threads based on feelings and experiences, people are asked for the studies that back up their opinions. But take a thread that focuses on studies, and people say they just want to work by experience and feeling. I'm beginning to wonder if we all don't come into it with our mind already made up, and then later choose to rely on/believe in whatever among study, feeling, etc. backs us up on an issue.

[carolc]

I'm pretty much exactly with Renrel on this. I weigh risks and benefits, and look at how much evidence there is behind a particular belief.

I read lots of parenting books and info, but I haven't rigorously followed any one "school" of parenting.

I think most of us have our "things" and our stuff we don't care as much about. I am a slacker, so to speak, about hygiene. I totally used to put the paci back in her mouth after it fell on the floor. I never sterilized (as in, boiled) pump parts or bottles. I don't use any antibacterial products and DD is dirty a lot by some people's standards, I'm sure. Enh. I'm not a germaphobe, and Nora is a healthy kid.

On the other hand, she's never had chocolate, candy, soda, nuts, potato chips, fast food, or a lot of other foods other people wouldn't think twice about at this age. Nutrition is a "thing" for me.

[LyLMyssChaos]

This thread was inspired by the TV thread:
I for one am a mommy that often does what I think is right for my child, regardless of what any study or professional may think. I have found that most often, for every study out there, you can find another one that disproves it, so I tend to parent by trial and error. I feed my kids whatever they will eat, I put them to bed however they will sleep, I feed them when they are hungry, I put them to bed when they are tired. We pretty much don't have any sort of schedule that we follow and our kids seem to be doing just fine. I just usually see what the doctors and scientists have to say, then if I think it's worth trying? I might try it. If I don't think it's worth trying? I don't. Or I usually do my own research (which usually entails talking to other more experienced mommies and making my own conclusions.) I just can't figure out how we all managed to survive so long without all of the interventions that exist in dealing with children today. So, my question is: are any other "trial and error" mommies out there? Are there any other mommies that "buck the system?"


I specifically asked if there mommies that DON'T follow studies and it was responded to by people asking me to back up why I do what I do, and my primary reason is because I do what I THINK is right, regardless of what studies, experts, specialists, doctors, etc. say/suggest we should do.
BTB- I'm not sure what you are asking by your last question, but I hope that the above answered it. And as far as your comment about the studies, I have just found that almost on every topic, my experiences have shown me that what the "studies" are showing are false, so that is why I tend to discredit them.

[HGMorgann]

You know, I don't fit any "mold". I like Dr. Sears, but I am not 100% AP. I am mainstream in many ways too and follow some mainstream advice. There are just so many professional "suggestions" out there that you just have to do what works for your family.

Examples:
We don't do rice cereal. (LLL reccomendation, but against many "Dr" reccomendations)
We only feed her foods that I will eat myself. (Do unto others...principle)
We co-sleep and crib sleep. (on her side, she's rolled that way since the beginning...)
We BF. (AAP recommendation, Sears, ect)
We don't really CIO, but do let her fuss (it works for us! DD is happy, healthy and just plain cute!)
We baby carry (its easier than strollers, IMO)
We let her eat cherrios off the floor. (they all end up there anyways...)

I mean there is just a ton of stuff out there. You just have to do what works for your family. Alot that we do is because its easier even though it fits a lot of "AP" things. I think I would co-sleep 100% if my daughter liked it. She gets very restless in the middle of the night, so we put her in her crib and then she is calm and sleeps soundly! So basicaly, I think, whatever you do you will in the end be "bucking" someones system....

[Kay]

We let her eat cherrios off the floor. (they all end up there anyways...)

I know!! I don't care if he eats cheerios or crackers off the floor in the living room/playroom. They always wind up on the floor anyway! It has carpet and I am always vacuuming so I figure its clean enough. I don't let him pick anything up off the kitchen floor and eat it....I am just weird like that.

[BTB]

LylMiss - No question in my last post - just an observation. I think you're probably referring to two posts ago, when I asked what research led you to conclude it didn't matter in what position babies were laid down to sleep. You had said this, about Back to Sleep:

That's why I tend to do my own research and decide what is best for my family.

Which is why I asked you where you got that research from - but I understand the confusion, as your whole point was that this is a "we don't do research" thread. :) Hence MY confusion, since you were saying that not only had you done research, but that you actually were following the studies you had found that said it didn't matter. I try to keep an open mind, and would be fascinated to read any studies that said it didn't matter as I've never seen nor heard of them - but recognize I have not seen or heard everything out there.