Ask the newlyweds!!

[babylove]

I wasn't able to find this thread after doing a search, so I thought I would start it. I thought it was a great thread on the other site.

Questions about planning? flowers? logistics? schedules? traditions/customs? need some ideas? Sticky situations? Just need advice? Us newlyweds (and not so newlyweds, myself included) are here to answer your every question!

Ok, brides-to-be, ask away!!

[guinevere]

I'd love to join in as a not so newlywed! We've been married almost a year and a half. I still love reading the wedding posts and helping if I can.

[babylove]

Looks like it might just be you and me, Guinevere! LOL!

[MLA]

Another not-so-newly wed here who would love to help if anyone has any questions . . .

[sublime311]

Me, too! I love offering advice based on my hard earned wedding planning insights! I was married on 10/16/04.

[ejs]

I've just been answering questions in the specific threads. I think having a lot of different questions about different topics in one thread will make things too difficult to track. Just my two cents.

[MLA]

I've just been answering questions in the specific threads. I think having a lot of different questions about different topics in one thread will make things too difficult to track. Just my two cents.

You're probably right -- and I've been doing the same as you, but I'd be happy to answer any questions that make their way into this thread. :)

[rubyslippers]

Wooohooo! An October 2006 Bride here with a TON of questions for you ladies. I'm feeling a bit over whelmed by wedding planning. Kurt is ready and willing to help but there is so much to do. The first question I have is where to start? The choosing of attendants is done and we've booked our ceremony/reception location and now I don't know what to do first. I'm also having a hard time with finding plus size dresses any place other than David's. I welcome any insight you girls have! Thanks.

[babylove]

Welcome and congratulations, Rubyslippers!!

The first question I have is where to start?
My suggestion would be to book the "big" vendors--venue (done), photographer, band/DJ, videographer (if you are doing that) and florist. Those are the vendors who book up at least a year in advance.

As for plus size gowns, I can't offer any advice there...maybe some of the other newlyweds can?

[Vegastrtle]

I'll lurk and answer when I can. We had a Vegas wedding though so the major work was done for us. That left me feeling quite stress free--but a little less knowledgable about the process of planning a wedding.

[sublime311]

I'm also having a hard time with finding plus size dresses any place other than David's. I welcome any insight you girls have! Thanks.

I'm a plus size girl and found my Alfred Angelo dress at a local bridal shop. I think you should call your local shops and ask if they have plus sizes in stock for trying on. Also, keep your mind open - the model dress may not zip up, but how do you feel in it? It can always be ordered in your size!

[Regina Phalange]

Question: I'm not getting married until April 2007. When should we ask/do the choosing of the bridal party? I have a general idea in mind but I want it to be special when I ask so is there an appropriate amont of time between the engagement and wedding to ask these people to be apart of our special day? And when is the absolute latest you can ask? Should FI and I ask our parties at the same time or would it be okay for me to choose my ladies and then him ask his guys several months down the road?

[babylove]

Congrats FutureGallucci! I don't think there is any set timeline to ask your bridal party to be in the wedding. I didn't make a big production out of asking my BMs (which I now regret, knowing all of the creative options out there!). I was engaged for 18 mos and I started asking right away. It was good to have it out of the way, but then I regreted including one person, who I might not have included had I waited. So, it's really up to you. But I would recommend giving yourself enough time to look for and order BM dresses (it can take up to 12-16 weeks depending on the company to get the dresses after you order them). As for the groomsmen, I couldn't even tell you when or how my DH asked his friends...but we certainly didn't coordinate anything.

(if you are interested in creative ways to ask your BMs, I posted a bunch of ideas in ellemarie's journal, on page 7, although some of the pics aren't visible anymore)

[guinevere]

rubyslippers, first thing is have you both set a budget? Let me tell you, it's so easy to overspend on a wedding!

Do you know what wedding style you want? (Formal, semi formal, casual)Colors/themes? This will determine everything else you will choose from your dress and bridesmaid's dresses to your bouquets and decor.

Do you have a caterer for your reception site? DJ?

Right now I would also think about who you want for your photographer/videographer. It may be early to book them, but visit ones you're interested in and look at their work. Ask people you know who they used. With how expensive they are, you definitely want your money's worth.

I probably overwhelmed you! ;)
Here is a wedding countdown that you can print out:

http://www.modernbride.com/budget/?wb_c_plancountmbm.html

It will help you decide what to do when.

[guinevere]

FutureGallucci, some people choose their BP right after they get engaged, others wait longer. I don't think there's an appropropriate amount of time, but I do know that some friends of mine regretted asking them too early. Sometimes there are falling outs or people grow apart which makes it uncomfortable.

As for when is the latest, you want to consider giving yourself enough time to shop for bridesmaids dresses, dress alterations, etc. (6-9 months depending) Since the wedding isn't until 2007, I personally wouldn't ask anyone sooner than a year before the wedding. Your friendships could change a lot before then. I also would ask both the guys and girls at the same time. Of course this is just my opinion!

[Vishenka69]

I wouldn't ask friends to be in the BP too early, I think 6-7 months is plenty of time to do dress shopping. We asked friends about a year in advance and regretted it. Then again things changed for us about 3 months before the wedding, so we wouldn't be able to change anything anyway.

[wander_woman]

Question: did you use a day-of wedding coordinator and do you recommend one?

[Lanapoo]

I didn't have a day-of wedding coordinator but I think that they could be very useful. What helped me is that I made up a master schedule for the day of the wedding and I had it down to the minute practically it was so detailed. I made sure that everyone in the wedding party, all the parents, siblings, DJ, Photographer, etc. had a copy of the schedule. Everyone made fun of me but I think it was a good idea in the end. No one was confused and knew what they were supposed to be doing at what time.

The DJ really helped with keeping things moving though, otherwise my schedule would have gone right out the window. If my DJ wasn't proactive about sticking to my schedule then things would have been complete chaos. So, if you have a great DJ like I did, then you can get away with not having a coordinator that day. If not, then I would reccomend a coordinator so you don't even have to think about when things are supposed to happen. I guarantee you won't want to be looking at your watch on the wedding day. :D

[Luckybwaygirl]

CC Newbie here (Bijouparvin's friend!) -- I am getting married on Sept 24. I will soon be a newlywed! I recommend a wedding planner...or at least ask if there is liason from the wedding or reception site available for hire on the day of the wedding. I hired a woman from my church to play "mouthpiece" on wedding day. I didn't want people bugging me with logistical questions while I was getting ready for my big moment with my new hubby. I met with her twice, gave her all my plans and ideas. Granted, I've done 90% of the work, but she is my gatekeeper on the day of, and she can answer vendor questions for me, which will be very good for me.

I recommend waiting to select BP until about 6 - 7 months before UNLESS you plan to have a destination wedding. It's just not worth it to go longer than half a year if you are planning a local wedidng. What can they do besides hang out and say "Yeah...um...I am a bridesmaid."? If you have an obvious MOH, like a singular best friend or sister, go early with that. She might want to get in on the dress shopping after all. Hope that helps.

[sublime311]

Question: did you use a day-of wedding coordinator and do you recommend one?

I HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend a day-of coordinator! I did the leg work organizing and preparing the details of my wedding, but my day-of coordinator made my vision come to life. I was fortunate to have a friend be my coordinator so she volunteered to be there in SOME of the planning (like meeting with my venue) to be sure I thought of everything. I basically just showed up on my wedding day and everything else was taken care of. Honestly, if you are unable to get a professional I would recommend having a trusted friend do it - even better if she has had experience with planning her own (or someone else's) wedding!

[babylove]

I did have a day-of coordinator. Actually 2. They were part of the deal at my reception venue. They did everything. If there was a problem that night, I had no clue b/c they just handled it. It was bliss. I just enjoyed my wedding as if I were a guest and it was wonderful. I know that some bands/DJs will keep the night flowing if you give them a schedule of events, but if little things go wrong the band can't help. I highly recommend a day-of coordinator!

[Vishenka69]

I didn't have a day-of wedding coordinator but I think that they could be very useful. What helped me is that I made up a master schedule for the day of the wedding and I had it down to the minute practically it was so detailed. I made sure that everyone in the wedding party, all the parents, siblings, DJ, Photographer, etc. had a copy of the schedule. Everyone made fun of me but I think it was a good idea in the end. No one was confused and knew what they were supposed to be doing at what time.


I did exactly the same thing. Also gave a copy to the catering manager, who helped coordinate everything and everyone. The hall also gave me a bridal assistant, who was really great. If you're doing everything in one place and the person you've been working with will be there, he/she should be able to handle everything.

[LovinLife]

Wooohooo! An October 2006 Bride here with a TON of questions for you ladies. I'm feeling a bit over whelmed by wedding planning. Kurt is ready and willing to help but there is so much to do. The first question I have is where to start? The choosing of attendants is done and we've booked our ceremony/reception location and now I don't know what to do first. I'm also having a hard time with finding plus size dresses any place other than David's. I welcome any insight you girls have! Thanks.

I am getting married next week, so I am not a newlywed yet...but i did want to tell you that I found my plus size dress at a local bridal shop. I never thought they would have them, but they did and its a Maggie Sottero.
Good luck to you!!!

[LovinLife]

when did you present the gifts to your bridal party and parents? FI and I are still trying to decide when we want to do it.

Thanks so much!

[Sazoo]

when did you present the gifts to your bridal party and parents? FI and I are still trying to decide when we want to do it.

Thanks so much!
We did it during our rehearsal dinner. After everyone finished eating & was just hanging around mingling (we had our RD at a picnic shelter at a park) the 2 of us grabbed our bag of gifts & went around to our parents & BP to hand them out & thank everyone for their support, help with the wedding, etc.

[guinevere]

I did mine on the rehearsal day as well. I think a lot of people do it then.

[LovinLife]

Thanks guinevere and sazoo I wanted to do it at the reherasal dinner, but FI has been pushing for doing it later when hes with just the guys and i am with just the girls. I want to do it together though, so I think we will just do for during the dinner.
Thanks!!!

[MexicoBride'05]

What songs did you use for your bridal party and for your walk down the aisle?

Farah

[Sazoo]

I walked down the aisle to Pachabel's Canon in D (well, a variation of it as performed by the pianist we hired). The song my BMs walked down to was something our pianist wrote himself.

[Stephanie]

I also used Pachebel's Canon in D, but for my bridal party. I walked down the aisle to Wagner's Bridal Chorus. If you go on to iTunes and search for "wedding" there are 30 second clips of every wedding song that you can imagine. I couldn't remember what I walked down to, so I had to go search it out. :) Half of the time I can't think of what the songs are by title, but the second I hear it I think, "Oh, that one!"

[sublime311]

when did you present the gifts to your bridal party and parents? FI and I are still trying to decide when we want to do it.

Thanks so much!
We presented our gifts at the rehearsal dinner. We had a pretty casual dinner with our out of town guests and kids included. This is the order we did this:

1. Dinner
2. Speech
3. Handed out our out of town gift bags
4. Handed out kid bags (for ALL kids present - had activities and other goodies for them)
5. Presented kid wedding party gifts
6. Presented wedding party gifts (with MOH and BM last)
7. Presented moms' gifts.
8. Dessert

[sublime311]

What songs did you use for your bridal party and for your walk down the aisle?

Farah
We had a really small wedding party (I had 2 and DH had 1), plus a short walk up the aisle (we had an outdoor ceremony) so we used one song: Canon in D.

[amew]

I gave my bridesmaids' their gifts at the bridesmaids luncheon. I got up and thanked everyone for being there and then said something personal about each member of the bridal party while I handed out the gifts. I have received my gift at the bridesmaids luncheon for each of the five weddings I've been in, so it seems to be a pretty standard way of doing things among my friends. DH gave out his groomsmens' gifts at some point on the day of the rehearsal dinner -- I think after they all played golf together.

My bridesmaids entered to Canon in D. I entered to Clark's Trumpet Voluntary.

[chortles]

What were some songs on your "do not play or you won't get paid, Mr. DJ" list? :)

[sublime311]

What were some songs on your "do not play or you won't get paid, Mr. DJ" list? :)

This is taken directly from the Music sheet I gave my DJ:

- Silly songs: “Macerena” or “Electric Slide” (or any variation thereof)
- Country (or any variation thereof unless it’s SUPER mainstream like TOP 40 Faith Hill or someone similar, but I prefer not to have it).
- Rap (unless it’s super mainstream)
- Hip Hop (unless it’s super mainstream)

As a side note, he did end up playing Electric Slide but only after he asked me - several of the young girls had been asking him all night to play it, so he finally broke down to ask me. Needless to say, more people got up for that damn song than any other. So much for my vision of a <mostly> American Standards classy reception!! lol

[Sazoo]

What were some songs on your "do not play or you won't get paid, Mr. DJ" list? :)

Nothing. We gave him a list of songs we'd like him to play & talked to him about the general types of music we preferred. We also told him we would prefer that he not do those silly songs like Macarena/Chicken Dance/YMCA...but we also told him if someone requested them that it was okay to play. Mainly we just wanted our friends & family to have fun at our reception, & if that's what they wanted to dance to - whatever, knock yourself out. We knew probably none of our friends or family would request those songs anyway, & in the end...we were right. ;)